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Is Investing 15K in HSBC Multicap Fund via SIP a Wise Choice?

Ramalingam

Ramalingam Kalirajan  |7831 Answers  |Ask -

Mutual Funds, Financial Planning Expert - Answered on Dec 06, 2024

Ramalingam Kalirajan has over 23 years of experience in mutual funds and financial planning.
He has an MBA in finance from the University of Madras and is a certified financial planner.
He is the director and chief financial planner at Holistic Investment, a Chennai-based firm that offers financial planning and wealth management advice.... more
Ram Question by Ram on Dec 06, 2024Hindi
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Planning to start an SIP of 15K with HSBC Multicap fund Regular growth. Is it a gooddecision?

Ans: Starting an SIP of Rs 15,000 monthly is a disciplined investment step. The choice of a multicap fund reflects a willingness to diversify. Let's analyse this decision comprehensively.

Multicap Funds: Key Features
Diversified Portfolio: Multicap funds invest across large-cap, mid-cap, and small-cap stocks. This balances growth potential and stability.

Flexibility: Fund managers can dynamically adjust allocations across market segments based on market trends.

Long-Term Potential: Multicap funds aim for consistent returns over 7–10 years or longer.

Risk Factor: Multicap funds carry higher risk compared to pure large-cap funds. They are not suitable for short-term goals.

Evaluating Regular Growth Option
Reinvestment Advantage: The regular growth option helps in reinvesting gains for compounding over time.

No Payouts: Unlike dividend options, there are no regular payouts, which suits long-term wealth creation.

Tax Efficiency: Growth options are more tax-efficient as gains are realised only on redemption.

Benefits of Investing Through a Certified Financial Planner
Expert Guidance: A Certified Financial Planner ensures your fund aligns with your risk tolerance and goals.

Portfolio Monitoring: They help monitor and rebalance the portfolio periodically.

Benefits of Regular Plans: Investing through regular plans gives access to expert advice without additional effort.

Alternatives to Consider
While multicap funds are good, actively managed equity funds may also suit your needs.

Mid-Cap Funds: Offer higher growth potential but with greater risk. Suitable if your risk appetite is high.

Hybrid Funds: Provide a balanced mix of equity and debt, reducing volatility.

Diversified International Funds: Offer exposure to global markets and hedge against domestic market risks.

Key Considerations Before Investing
Investment Horizon: Multicap funds are ideal for long-term goals of 7+ years.

Risk Tolerance: These funds involve exposure to mid- and small-cap stocks, which are volatile.

Review Fund Performance: Assess the fund's past performance over 5–10 years. Look for consistent returns and robust fund management.

SIP as a Long-Term Strategy: SIPs mitigate market volatility by averaging the cost of investments over time.

Rebalancing Your Overall Portfolio
If this SIP is part of a larger portfolio, ensure it complements your existing asset allocation.

Equity-Debt Mix: Maintain a balance between equity and fixed-income investments based on your age and risk profile.

Diversify Across Fund Categories: Avoid overexposure to one type of fund or sector.

Emergency Fund First: Ensure your emergency fund is sufficient before committing to long-term SIPs.

Tax Implications
Equity Funds: Gains above Rs 1.25 lakh are taxed at 12.5% (LTCG). Short-term gains are taxed at 20%.

Regular Portfolio Reviews: Assess gains periodically and plan redemptions to minimise tax liability.

Steps to Enhance Returns
Increase SIP Amounts Over Time: Increase SIP contributions with salary hikes or surplus cash inflow.

Avoid Redeeming Early: Stay invested for the long term to allow compounding to work effectively.

Use STP for Lump Sum Investments: If you have additional funds, consider a Systematic Transfer Plan (STP) to mitigate timing risks.

Final Insights
Starting an SIP in a multicap fund is a promising move for long-term wealth creation. Ensure this investment aligns with your goals and complements your existing portfolio. Regularly review performance and rebalance when needed. Work with a Certified Financial Planner for ongoing advice and insights.

Best Regards,

K. Ramalingam, MBA, CFP,

Chief Financial Planner,
www.holisticinvestment.in
https://www.youtube.com/@HolisticInvestment
DISCLAIMER: The content of this post by the expert is the personal view of the rediffGURU. Users are advised to pursue the information provided by the rediffGURU only as a source of information to be as a point of reference and to rely on their own judgement when making a decision.
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Ramalingam

Ramalingam Kalirajan  |7831 Answers  |Ask -

Mutual Funds, Financial Planning Expert - Answered on May 17, 2024

Asked by Anonymous - Apr 14, 2024Hindi
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Ihave started sip in hdfc bank 50k per month is it good decision or not...any advise pls
Ans: Evaluating Your SIP Investment in HDFC Bank: Advice and Recommendations

Congratulations on your commitment to investing ?50,000 per month through SIP. Consistent and disciplined investing is key to building wealth over time. Let's assess your decision and explore the best options for you.

Understanding SIP in HDFC Bank
You mentioned starting an SIP in HDFC Bank. If you mean investing directly in HDFC Bank's stock through a SIP, it's important to understand the implications. Investing in individual stocks, even a well-established company like HDFC Bank, comes with higher risks due to lack of diversification.

The Benefits of Mutual Fund SIPs Over Stock SIPs
Diversification
Mutual funds invest in a diversified portfolio of stocks, bonds, or other securities. This diversification spreads risk across multiple assets, reducing the impact of poor performance by any single investment.

Professional Management
Mutual funds are managed by professional fund managers who have the expertise and resources to make informed investment decisions. This can lead to better returns and effective risk management compared to individual stock investments.

Variety of Options
Mutual funds offer various categories such as large-cap, mid-cap, small-cap, multi-cap, balanced, and sector-specific funds. This allows you to tailor your investments according to your risk tolerance and financial goals.

Recommended Mutual Fund Categories for SIP
Large-Cap Mutual Funds
These funds invest in well-established, large companies with a strong track record. They provide relatively stable returns and are less volatile compared to mid-cap and small-cap funds.

Multi-Cap Mutual Funds
Multi-cap funds invest in a mix of large, mid, and small-cap companies. This provides balanced growth potential and risk mitigation through diversification.

Balanced Advantage Funds
These funds dynamically adjust their allocation between equity and debt, aiming for growth while managing risk. They offer a balanced approach for investors looking for stability and growth.

Debt Mutual Funds
Debt funds invest in fixed-income securities like bonds and government securities. They provide stable returns and lower risk, adding a safety net to your portfolio.

Suggested Allocation for Your ?50,000 SIP
To build a diversified portfolio, consider the following allocation:

Large-Cap Fund: ?15,000
Multi-Cap Fund: ?12,000
Balanced Advantage Fund: ?10,000
Debt Fund: ?8,000
Mid-Cap Fund: ?5,000
This allocation provides a balanced mix of growth, stability, and risk management.

Key Points to Remember
Regular Monitoring and Rebalancing
Review your investments regularly and rebalance your portfolio at least once a year to ensure it remains aligned with your financial goals and risk tolerance.

Consult a Certified Financial Planner (CFP)
A CFP can provide personalized advice tailored to your specific situation. They can help optimize your investment strategy and ensure you are on track to meet your goals.

Stay Disciplined and Patient
Investing is a long-term journey. Stay disciplined and avoid making decisions based on short-term market fluctuations. Patience is crucial for achieving substantial returns over time.

Conclusion
Switching from a stock SIP in HDFC Bank to a diversified mutual fund SIP is a prudent decision. It offers the benefits of diversification, professional management, and tailored investment options. By following a structured approach and seeking professional guidance, you can build a robust and balanced portfolio to achieve your financial goals.

Best Regards,

K. Ramalingam, MBA, CFP,

Chief Financial Planner,

www.holisticinvestment.in

..Read more

Ramalingam

Ramalingam Kalirajan  |7831 Answers  |Ask -

Mutual Funds, Financial Planning Expert - Answered on May 08, 2024

Asked by Anonymous - Apr 15, 2024Hindi
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I am 42 years old and have been investing in SIPs since 2009 when i was 31 YO. My SIP include in 2 mid cap fund (Sundaram Midcap and HDFC Midcap Opportunities) of 4k, 2k in IDFC Flexi cap, 2k in Axis Small Cap, 1k in ABSLI ELSS. Periodic LUMPSUM investments. My investment horizon is till 60 yrs. Please suggest if its good enough or i need to review and add.
Ans: Your disciplined approach to SIP investing is commendable and sets a strong foundation for your financial future. Here's a comprehensive review and some suggestions:
1. Review Existing Portfolio: Evaluate the performance of your current SIPs against relevant benchmarks and peer funds. Ensure that the funds you've chosen have consistently delivered satisfactory returns and align with your risk profile and investment goals.
2. Diversification: While mid-cap and flexi-cap funds offer growth potential, consider diversifying your portfolio further. Include large-cap funds for stability and exposure to blue-chip companies. Additionally, explore thematic or sectoral funds to capitalize on emerging trends or sectors poised for growth.
3. Risk Management: Given your investment horizon until the age of 60, it's crucial to strike a balance between growth and stability. Allocate a portion of your portfolio to debt funds or hybrid funds to mitigate volatility and preserve capital, especially as you approach retirement age.
4. Regular Review: Periodically review your portfolio's performance and make necessary adjustments based on changing market dynamics, fund performance, and your evolving financial goals. Rebalance your portfolio if required to maintain your desired asset allocation.
5. Professional Guidance: Consider consulting with a Certified Financial Planner to assess your current financial situation, align your investment strategy with your long-term goals, and make informed decisions about portfolio optimization and asset allocation.
6. Asset Allocation: Ensure your asset allocation is in line with your risk tolerance and investment horizon. As you approach retirement age, gradually shift towards a more conservative allocation to safeguard your accumulated wealth.
7. Emergency Fund: While focusing on long-term investments, don't forget to maintain an adequate emergency fund to cover unforeseen expenses or financial emergencies without disrupting your investment portfolio.
Overall, your investment approach appears sound, but periodic reviews and adjustments may be necessary to ensure your portfolio remains optimized for achieving your long-term financial objectives.

..Read more

Latest Questions
Ramalingam

Ramalingam Kalirajan  |7831 Answers  |Ask -

Mutual Funds, Financial Planning Expert - Answered on Feb 05, 2025

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I am Lisha a kg teacher. I have debt of 40 lakhs. I have net income 25000. How can I manage to recover from debt? Please reply
Ans: Understanding the Debt Situation

You have a total debt of Rs. 40 lakhs.

Your net income is Rs. 25,000 per month.

Managing this situation requires planning, discipline, and action.

The key focus should be reducing high-interest loans first.

Increasing income is also necessary to speed up debt repayment.

Prioritising Debt Repayment

List all loans with their interest rates and EMI amounts.

Identify which loans have the highest interest rates.

Prioritise paying off the costliest loan first.

If you have multiple high-interest loans, consider debt consolidation.

Avoid taking new loans or using credit cards for daily expenses.

Reducing Monthly Interest Burden

Rs. 40 lakh debt with Rs. 25,000 income is a serious imbalance.

Your monthly interest burden alone can be unmanageable.

Speak with lenders and request lower interest rates.

Negotiate for an extended loan tenure to reduce EMI.

Avoid late payments to prevent penalties and additional charges.

Earning More Income

With Rs. 25,000 monthly income, repaying Rs. 40 lakh is tough.

Look for additional income sources, even part-time jobs.

Explore online tutoring, weekend coaching, or freelance work.

If possible, upskill to apply for a higher-paying job.

Can you take extra classes at school for additional earnings?

Find small home-based businesses like craft-making or baking.

Use any skills you have to create an extra income stream.

Cutting Down Expenses

Reduce unnecessary expenses wherever possible.

Limit non-essential spending like dining out, entertainment, and subscriptions.

Look for cheaper alternatives for daily expenses.

Create a strict monthly budget and track every expense.

Save on electricity, fuel, and shopping wherever possible.

Avoid personal luxuries until your financial situation improves.

Seeking Family Support

If possible, take help from family members.

Can they provide an interest-free loan for partial debt payment?

Even a small contribution can reduce your debt burden.

Family members may also help with daily expenses for some time.

Transparent communication with them is important.

Avoiding Traps of Loan Apps & Credit Cards

Avoid borrowing from mobile loan apps due to high interest.

Credit cards should not be used for cash withdrawals.

Paying only the minimum due on a credit card leads to more debt.

If you have credit card debt, clear it first due to high interest.

Stick to formal financial institutions for loans.

Exploring Debt Restructuring Options

If you have a bank loan, check if restructuring is possible.

Some banks allow restructuring in financial hardship cases.

This can reduce EMI or provide a temporary relief period.

Approach your lenders with a genuine repayment plan.

Avoid defaulting, as it can hurt your credit score.

Avoiding High-Risk Investments

Do not fall for quick-money schemes or gambling.

Avoid investments that promise unrealistically high returns.

Avoid stock market trading without proper knowledge.

Focus on steady income generation instead of risky bets.

Checking for Any Insurance Policies

If you have LIC, ULIP, or investment-linked insurance, review them.

If surrendering makes sense, reinvest the amount wisely.

Do not stop health insurance, as medical emergencies can worsen finances.

Creating a Step-by-Step Debt Repayment Plan

Pay the minimum due on all loans to avoid penalties.

Focus on repaying the highest-interest loan first.

Negotiate lower interest rates with lenders.

Increase income through side jobs.

Reduce unnecessary expenses to save money.

Explore options like debt consolidation if suitable.

Seek family support where possible.

Avoid new loans unless absolutely necessary.

Finally

Your financial situation is tough but not impossible to fix.

With discipline and effort, debt repayment is possible.

Every small step in saving and earning will help.

Avoid financial mistakes and stay committed to the plan.

With time, your financial situation will improve.

Best Regards,

K. Ramalingam, MBA, CFP

Chief Financial Planner

www.holisticinvestment.in
https://www.youtube.com/@HolisticInvestment

...Read more

Ramalingam

Ramalingam Kalirajan  |7831 Answers  |Ask -

Mutual Funds, Financial Planning Expert - Answered on Feb 05, 2025

Money
At the age of 35 I had 15 lakhs saving, but due a surgery at home I had to almost empty it, on top of it even I had gone through and surgery plus even my father too ( all three generations nero issue) from +15 I went to 25lakhs of debt From various apps and financial sector. I was able to settle few loans and credits but still my outstanding is approx 20 lakhs. My monthly income is 25000 and my only intrest per month is 12500 How do I get of it asap, as living a normal life seems magic.
Ans: Your financial situation is challenging, but not impossible to fix. With a structured approach, discipline, and patience, you can come out of this debt and regain financial stability. Below is a step-by-step guide to help you get back on track.

Understanding the Current Financial Situation
You had Rs. 15 lakhs in savings, but due to medical emergencies, your finances took a hit.

Now, you are left with Rs. 20 lakhs of debt, with an income of Rs. 25,000 per month.

Your monthly interest alone is Rs. 12,500, which is eating up 50% of your earnings.

The key priority should be reducing interest burden and increasing cash flow.

Steps to Reduce Your Debt Faster
1. Stop Borrowing More Money
Do not take new loans to pay old loans.

Avoid borrowing from friends or family unless it is interest-free and comes with no pressure.

Stay away from personal loans, credit card loans, and payday loans, as they have high interest rates.

2. Prioritise High-Interest Loans First
List down all your loans and interest rates.

Pay off loans with the highest interest rate first.

If possible, negotiate with lenders for lower interest rates.

3. Consolidate Loans for Lower Interest Rate
Check if a bank can give you a low-interest personal loan to clear high-cost debts.

If you have a good credit history, you may get a balance transfer facility on credit cards or personal loans.

Consider a secured loan against any assets, but only if the interest rate is much lower.

4. Increase Your Monthly EMI Payment
Paying only the minimum EMI will keep you stuck in debt for years.

Try increasing your EMI by even Rs. 2,000-3,000 per month to reduce the loan tenure.

Any extra income, bonus, or gift money should go towards clearing debt first.

Boosting Income to Tackle Debt
5. Explore Part-Time Work or Freelancing
A second source of income can help you clear your debt faster.

Consider freelancing, online tutoring, content writing, data entry, or delivery jobs.

If possible, take up overtime or extra shifts at work.

6. Use Your Skills to Earn More
Identify any skills that can help you earn extra money.

If you have a talent for repair work, photography, teaching, or writing, offer your services.

Even small extra earnings of Rs. 5,000-10,000 per month can speed up debt repayment.

7. Rent Out Assets for Passive Income
If you have an extra room, vehicle, or any asset, consider renting it.

This can bring in some cash flow without extra effort.

Cutting Expenses to Free Up More Cash
8. Reduce Non-Essential Spending
Track every rupee spent and eliminate unnecessary expenses.

Stop eating out, buying expensive clothes, or making impulsive purchases.

Switch to cheaper alternatives for groceries, transport, and entertainment.

9. Pause Investments Until Debt is Cleared
Right now, clearing debt should be the priority over investing.

Stop SIPs or investments temporarily and resume them once debts are under control.

Avoid risky investments like stocks or crypto, as losses can worsen your situation.

10. Negotiate Bills and Cut Fixed Costs
Talk to your landlord, service providers, and utility companies for possible discounts.

If possible, shift to a smaller house or a cheaper location to save on rent.

Reduce electricity, water, and mobile bills by using them wisely.

Managing Financial Stress and Mental Health
11. Accept the Situation Without Guilt
Medical emergencies are unpredictable, and you did what was needed for your family.

Do not feel guilty or blame yourself. Instead, focus on the solution.

12. Involve Your Family in Financial Planning
If you have a spouse, siblings, or parents who can help, discuss the situation with them.

They may not be able to give money, but they can support in other ways.

13. Stay Positive and Focused
Financial stress is tough, but worrying too much will not solve the problem.

Stay focused on taking action every month to improve your situation.

Celebrate small wins like closing one loan or saving an extra Rs. 1,000.

Long-Term Financial Stability
14. Build an Emergency Fund Once Debt is Cleared
After clearing debt, start saving at least Rs. 2,000 per month as an emergency fund.

This will help in handling future emergencies without taking loans.

15. Invest Smartly for Future Growth
Once financially stable, invest wisely in well-managed mutual funds for long-term wealth.

Avoid financial products with hidden charges like ULIPs or endowment plans.

16. Get Proper Health Insurance
Medical expenses caused the current debt. Invest in health insurance to prevent this in the future.

Look for affordable policies covering major illnesses.

Finally
The journey out of debt is difficult but achievable with the right approach.

Focus on reducing high-interest loans, earning more, and cutting unnecessary expenses.

Take small steps each month, and within a few years, you will be debt-free and financially stable.

Best Regards,

K. Ramalingam, MBA, CFP,

Chief Financial Planner,

www.holisticinvestment.in
https://www.youtube.com/@HolisticInvestment

...Read more

Kanchan

Kanchan Rai  |525 Answers  |Ask -

Relationships Expert, Mind Coach - Answered on Feb 04, 2025

Asked by Anonymous - Jan 27, 2025Hindi
Relationship
Unable to figure out what to do. Shouls i proceed for divorce? And if yes how? Here is my story: This is a long post. But i might have still missed few small instances in between. So I got married on October 3, 2022. Our conversation started through the Jeevansathi app, but the actual conversation began in July 2022 when her father contacted me. The first contact was from their side. At that time, I was returning to Chennai from Ongole by train when I received her father's call. He asked about my job and other details, to which I mentioned that I work for SBI in Tamil Nadu. After that, our conversation started. In the early days, the conversation was really good, and she spoke very well. Later, I visited their house with my mother. During the conversation there, she mentioned that many proposals had come before, but she hadn't been able to decide. One proposal was from a guy with a package of 30 lakh, but she clearly said that money doesn’t matter to her; she wanted a good person. During that meeting, I mentioned that I am a simple person, and my family consists of only my mother and me. I also clarified that due to my job, I could be transferred. After that meeting, we did the formal engagement. Later, we brought sweets from Haldiram, and that was when our engagement was officially recognized. After that, our conversations continued regularly. For a while, everything was fine, but then we started arguing over small things. Once, I told her that I meditate, and she said, "Meditation is something foolish people do, it doesn’t help." This led to an argument. I also mentioned that if we have children, we should send them to good universities like Harvard or Oxford, and this too led to an argument, as she felt we shouldn't put pressure on children to earn money. Then came the topic of money. I shared my salary slip and explained how both working and saving money are important because expenses are high. However, she said, "Saving money is foolish, everyone lives paycheck to paycheck nowadays." I tried to explain the importance of savings, but our discussions continued to be challenging. At one point, she said she wouldn’t wear sindoor or the mangalsutra. I told her that there was no need to wear it every day, just on special occasions. I agreed with this. As the arguments increased, I spoke to her father and mentioned that maybe she didn’t want to marry me. But her father reassured me that it wasn’t true, and they would talk to her. After that, things seemed normal for a while, but small arguments kept happening. In August 2022, I visited her again. I thought we could spend some time together and understand each other better. We went to Aerocity, where we had pizza and roamed around. After that, we went to Radisson Hotel on 27th July 2022, and our engagement was finalized. Over these two months, our communication continued, and eventually, on October 2, 2022, we had our engagement ceremony, and on October 3, 2022, we got married. After the wedding, we planned a honeymoon. Initially, she wanted to go to Vaishno Devi, so I took her there by Vande Bharat Express. Her uncle arranged VIP darshan. We walked up, but on the way back, her legs started hurting, so we rode a horse. After sitting on the horse for a long time, she had back pain. I reached the hotel, tried to soothe her pain by soaking her legs in hot water, and then we slept. After that, we planned to go to Udaipur. We took a SpiceJet flight there and booked a hotel near Fatehpur Sagar Lake. She wanted a lake-view room, but it wasn’t available. She argued with the staff, and we had to move to another hotel at night. The environment there wasn’t great, but she chose it. During our visit to Udaipur Fort, she suddenly said she wouldn’t go to the restaurant with me and would go home alone. I still don’t understand the reason behind this. From that point, my behavior towards her changed. After Udaipur, we planned to go to Agra. There, she suddenly accused me of having an affair with another girl and threatened to teach me a lesson. I asked her where this thought came from, but she didn’t answer. In July and August 2022, I visited her again. We traveled together and tried to understand each other better, but she never told me much about herself. After the wedding, I visited her during Diwali. She was happy initially, but gradually she became distant and stopped talking much. She wasn’t involved in decorating the house or participating in the Diwali puja. She remained absorbed in her own world, talking to her parents or I don’t know who else, while distancing herself from me. She needed reasons to fight, while I tried to stay calm, as it was a new marriage. On October 25, 2022, I returned to Chennai, and she came to Chennai a few days later. My mother also arrived in Chennai on October 26, and she stayed with us in Chennai until December. During this time, she started fighting over every little thing. She complained about who would do the housework and kept accusing me of not having enough money. She suggested hiring someone for cleaning, even though my mother and I managed it well. Then she refused to sleep with me, and we didn’t have any physical intimacy. Whenever she fought with me, she tried to belittle me. In January, she went back to Delhi, and I went to convince her to come back in January. During Lohri, I gave her a sari and gifts, but she still didn’t talk to me properly. She treated me very badly and didn’t want to stay with us. She fought with me several times and went back to her house. In February 2023, she came to Chennai again, but things were still not right between us. In April 2024, she came back to stay with me, but the very next day, the fights started again. She accused me of having an affair with another girl and threatened me. She destroyed things in the house, broke dishes and glasses, and created a mess. When I told her mother about this, she advised me to send her back. I booked her flight, and on April 7, 2024, she left. Since then, she has not been living with me. After that, I worked hard to bring her back. It was September when I managed to convince her to come. I tried to make her stay with me, but she stayed only for 4-5 days. On the 5th day, she started fighting again and decided to leave. She went to the railway station and sat there, saying, "I cannot live with you." We argued that night, and she left the house, shouting abuses at me and went back to her home. She thought everything would be fine, but when I tried talking to her, she started blaming me for not wanting her to stay with me.
Ans: It sounds like you've tried very hard to make this marriage work, but your wife has been emotionally distant, hostile, and unwilling to engage in a meaningful relationship. From what you’ve shared, there have been continuous conflicts, false accusations, and a lack of physical and emotional connection. It seems like she is not interested in making the relationship work, and her behavior—leaving multiple times, refusing intimacy, and fighting constantly—suggests deep incompatibility.

Before making a final decision, ask yourself: Is there anything left to salvage? Do you still love her and believe this marriage has hope if both of you genuinely try? Or do you feel exhausted and trapped in a cycle of disappointment and rejection? If you feel there is nothing left, then divorce may be the healthiest option for your peace of mind and future happiness.

If you decide to proceed with divorce, start by seeking legal counsel. In India, divorce can be mutual or contested. If she agrees, a mutual consent divorce is the easiest way. If she does not, you may need to file on grounds of cruelty or irretrievable breakdown of marriage. Gather evidence of her behavior—messages, incidents, and anything that proves your case.

This is not an easy decision, but your mental health and self-respect matter. If she is unwilling to change or make efforts, you should not have to live in constant conflict. Do you think she would agree to a mutual separation, or would she fight it?

...Read more

Kanchan

Kanchan Rai  |525 Answers  |Ask -

Relationships Expert, Mind Coach - Answered on Feb 04, 2025

Asked by Anonymous - Jan 29, 2025
Relationship
Hello Ma'am, I've a crush on a girl from my in laws. Inspite of avoiding etc I go specifically in that gathering where she's likely to be. I've not told it to anyone, neither does she know about it. I keep on masturbating imagining her. I know I'll never do any silly thing or let anyone know about it. Im married happily and 20 years elder to her.
Ans: It’s good that you are self-aware and acknowledging your feelings rather than acting on them impulsively. Having a crush, even in a committed relationship, is something that happens to many people—it’s human nature. However, since this involves someone from your in-laws and is significantly younger, it’s important to address these emotions in a way that aligns with your values and the commitments you’ve made to your marriage.

Right now, your mind is reinforcing this attraction by seeking out opportunities to be around her and fantasizing about her. The more you indulge in these thoughts, the stronger the emotional pull becomes. Avoiding her entirely may not be realistic, but reducing intentional exposure—such as seeking out gatherings just to be near her—can help weaken the attachment over time.

Instead of suppressing your feelings, redirect that energy into your marriage. What is it about her that attracts you? Is it youthfulness, attention, admiration, or just the thrill of something new? Whatever it is, find ways to bring those qualities into your relationship with your wife. Sometimes, an outside attraction is just a signal that something in your own life needs attention or excitement.

You’ve already made it clear to yourself that you won’t act on this, which shows maturity and self-control. The next step is breaking the mental cycle that feeds into the attraction. Engage in hobbies, meaningful conversations with your spouse, and self-reflection to understand what this infatuation represents. Over time, these feelings will lose their intensity as you shift your focus.

Do you think this crush is filling a certain emotional gap in your life, or is it purely an infatuation with no deeper meaning?

...Read more

DISCLAIMER: The content of this post by the expert is the personal view of the rediffGURU. Investment in securities market are subject to market risks. Read all the related document carefully before investing. The securities quoted are for illustration only and are not recommendatory. Users are advised to pursue the information provided by the rediffGURU only as a source of information and as a point of reference and to rely on their own judgement when making a decision. RediffGURUS is an intermediary as per India's Information Technology Act.

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