Home > Money > Question
Need Expert Advice?Our Gurus Can Help
Ramalingam

Ramalingam Kalirajan  |7931 Answers  |Ask -

Mutual Funds, Financial Planning Expert - Answered on Jun 04, 2024

Ramalingam Kalirajan has over 23 years of experience in mutual funds and financial planning.
He has an MBA in finance from the University of Madras and is a certified financial planner.
He is the director and chief financial planner at Holistic Investment, a Chennai-based firm that offers financial planning and wealth management advice.... more
Asked by Anonymous - Jun 03, 2024Hindi
Listen
Money

I am an NRI moved back to India. I have farmhouse and farm with 12 acres (no income now and building with agroforestry and permaculture concepts - invested about 2 crore ) , a landed property worth 85 to 90 lacs, cash of about 6 crores. Having a job with salary of 78 lacs per anum. My expenses would be 2 lacs per month and wanted to keep aside 1 crore for my son's higher education ( in 9th grade now and may go to overseas for studies). How can generate passive income with less risk investments and plan to retire may be in 4 years. Right now i am 42

Ans: Understanding Your Financial Situation
You have a diversified asset base including a farmhouse, land, cash reserves, and a well-paying job.

You also have significant expenses and plans for your son's education.

Planning for Education
Set aside Rs. 1 crore in a safe, low-risk investment for your son's education.

Consider options like fixed deposits, debt funds, or bonds.

Generating Passive Income
Passive income can be generated through various low-risk investments.

Fixed Deposits: They offer stable returns with low risk.

Debt Mutual Funds: These funds invest in bonds and fixed income securities.

Government Bonds: Safe and provide fixed returns.

Monthly Income Needs
You need Rs. 2 lakhs per month for expenses.

This translates to Rs. 24 lakhs per year.

Income from Investments
To generate Rs. 24 lakhs annually, invest in low-risk options.

Assume an average return of 6%.

You need a corpus of Rs. 4 crores invested at 6% to generate Rs. 24 lakhs per year.

Allocation of Rs. 6 Crores
You have Rs. 6 crores in cash.

Step 1: Set aside Rs. 1 crore for your son's education.

Step 2: Invest Rs. 4 crores in low-risk options to generate passive income.

Step 3: Keep Rs. 1 crore as an emergency fund.

Investment Options
Fixed Deposits: Safe, offer guaranteed returns.

Debt Mutual Funds: Diversified and managed by professionals.

Government Bonds: Very safe with assured returns.

Balanced Approach
A combination of fixed deposits, debt mutual funds, and government bonds balances safety and returns.

Professional Guidance
Investing through a Certified Financial Planner (CFP) ensures professional management.

Disadvantages of Direct Funds
Time-Consuming: Direct funds need constant monitoring.

Lack of Guidance: Without expert advice, you may miss crucial opportunities.

Benefits of Regular Funds
Professional Management: Regular funds are managed by experts.

Convenience: Saves time and provides professional insights.

Preparing for Retirement
You plan to retire in 4 years at age 46.

Ensure your investments generate enough passive income.

Inflation Consideration
Factor in inflation while planning for future expenses.

Emergency Fund
Maintain an emergency fund of at least Rs. 1 crore.

This provides financial security against unforeseen circumstances.

Tax Planning
Consider tax implications of your investments.

Tax-Free Bonds: Offer tax-free returns.

Debt Funds: More tax-efficient compared to fixed deposits.

Regular Review
Review your portfolio regularly with a CFP.

Conclusion
Your financial situation is strong with diverse assets and income sources.

Focus on low-risk investments to generate passive income.

Plan for your son's education and maintain an emergency fund.

Best Regards,

K. Ramalingam, MBA, CFP

Chief Financial Planner

www.holisticinvestment.in
DISCLAIMER: The content of this post by the expert is the personal view of the rediffGURU. Users are advised to pursue the information provided by the rediffGURU only as a source of information to be as a point of reference and to rely on their own judgement when making a decision.
Money

You may like to see similar questions and answers below

Ramalingam

Ramalingam Kalirajan  |7931 Answers  |Ask -

Mutual Funds, Financial Planning Expert - Answered on May 20, 2024

Asked by Anonymous - May 16, 2024Hindi
Listen
Money
I am 56 year old Monthly income is 50K i.e pension. Presently I am investing 20 K in SIP, corpus is 20 lacs. PPF 15Lacs. Bank FDs 40 lacs, 2 resedential Plots worth 1.25Cr. 01 daughter She is MBBS and doing MD from Govt Medical College. I have my own house, no loans. I feel there should more income through passive mode. Kindly suggest is this invesment are ok and what are available avenues/opportunities for me to generate passive income.
Ans: First, congratulations on your well-managed finances. With a stable pension income, significant investments in SIPs, PPF, and FDs, and valuable real estate, you have a solid financial foundation.
Evaluating Your Investments
Monthly Income and Savings
1. Pension: You receive a monthly pension of ?50,000.
2. SIP Investment: You invest ?20,000 monthly in SIPs, which is a commendable practice for long-term growth.
Existing Corpus
1. Mutual Fund Corpus: Your SIPs have built a corpus of ?20 lakhs.
2. PPF Investment: You have ?15 lakhs in PPF, offering stable, tax-free returns.
3. Fixed Deposits: You have ?40 lakhs in bank FDs, providing secure but lower returns.
Real Estate Holdings
1. Residential Plots: Your two residential plots are worth ?1.25 crores, a significant asset.
2. Own House: You have your own house, ensuring no rental expenses.
Enhancing Passive Income
To increase passive income, consider the following strategies:
Rebalancing Your Portfolio
1. Diversify Investments: While FDs and PPFs are safe, they offer lower returns. Consider reallocating some funds to higher-yield investments.
2. Mutual Funds: Continue with SIPs, but explore equity-oriented balanced funds for higher returns with managed risk.
Exploring Dividend-Paying Investments
1. Dividend Stocks: Invest in blue-chip companies with a history of paying consistent dividends. This provides regular income and potential capital appreciation.
2. Debt Mutual Funds: Consider debt funds that offer better returns than FDs with moderate risk.
Real Estate Income
While not suggesting real estate as a primary investment, consider leveraging your existing assets:
1. Rent Out Plots: If feasible, rent out the residential plots for additional income.
2. REITs: Consider investing in Real Estate Investment Trusts (REITs) for regular income without the hassle of managing properties.
Fixed Income Instruments
1. Senior Citizens' Saving Scheme (SCSS): This scheme offers higher interest rates for senior citizens and provides regular income.
2. Monthly Income Plans (MIPs): Invest in MIPs offered by mutual funds that provide monthly dividends, ensuring a steady income stream.
Reviewing and Adjusting Investments
1. Consult a CFP: Regularly review your portfolio with a Certified Financial Planner to ensure it aligns with your financial goals.
2. Stay Updated: Keep informed about new investment opportunities and adjust your portfolio accordingly.
Considering Risks and Returns
1. Balanced Approach: Maintain a balance between risk and return by diversifying across various asset classes.
2. Risk Management: Ensure a portion of your portfolio remains in low-risk investments to safeguard against market volatility.
Planning for Future Expenses
1. Medical Expenses: With your daughter pursuing MD, future medical expenses should be planned for, possibly through a dedicated health fund.
2. Emergency Fund: Maintain an emergency fund equivalent to at least six months of expenses.
Conclusion
Your financial strategy is commendable, and you have built a robust portfolio. To enhance passive income, consider diversifying into higher-yield investments while maintaining a balanced risk approach. Regular reviews and adjustments with the help of a Certified Financial Planner will ensure your investments remain aligned with your goals.
Genuine Compliments and Appreciation
Your diligent financial planning is impressive and sets a great example. Your commitment to securing your financial future and providing for your family is truly admirable.
Best Regards,
K. Ramalingam, MBA, CFP,
Chief Financial Planner,
www.holisticinvestment.in

..Read more

Ramalingam

Ramalingam Kalirajan  |7931 Answers  |Ask -

Mutual Funds, Financial Planning Expert - Answered on Sep 02, 2024

Asked by Anonymous - Sep 01, 2024Hindi
Money
Hello mam, The question is for my cousin. He is 35 years old and married. He is having 2 children. He is having a corpus of 10 lakhs in hand. Can you please suggest some investment idea to generate passive income
Ans: Your cousin, at 35 years old, is at a pivotal stage in life. With a spouse and two children, his financial decisions impact not just his future but also his family's well-being. His current corpus of Rs 10 lakhs is a good starting point, but he needs a strategy that ensures long-term security and steady growth. The goal here is to generate passive income without exposing the corpus to undue risk.

Importance of Financial Planning
A well-thought-out financial plan is key to achieving passive income. Since he has a family, his investments must balance safety, growth, and income. Investing without a plan might yield short-term gains but can jeopardize long-term financial stability. Therefore, a disciplined approach is essential.

Avoiding High-Risk Investments
While high returns are tempting, it is crucial to avoid high-risk investments, especially with a corpus that needs to last. Investments that promise unusually high returns often come with significant risks, including the loss of the principal amount. These can include unregulated schemes or speculative assets.

Stay Away from Get-Rich-Quick Schemes: These are often too good to be true. They can lead to losing your hard-earned money.

Stick to Regulated Investments: Ensure that his investments are within regulated and well-established avenues to protect his principal.

Diversification for Risk Management
Diversification is the key to managing risk while aiming for steady passive income. By spreading investments across different asset classes, he can reduce the impact of poor performance in any one area.

Equity Funds: While equity investments carry some risk, they also offer the potential for higher returns. Opt for actively managed funds over index funds. Actively managed funds are guided by professional managers who can navigate market ups and downs more effectively.

Debt Funds: These are less risky compared to equity funds and provide more stable returns. They are suitable for generating consistent passive income.

Hybrid Funds: These combine the elements of equity and debt, balancing risk and return. They can provide a good mix of growth and income.

Benefits of Regular Funds Over Direct Funds
While direct mutual funds have lower expense ratios, regular funds offer the advantage of professional advice. Especially for someone not deeply involved in market monitoring, regular funds managed by a Certified Financial Planner (CFP) can be more beneficial.

Disadvantages of Direct Funds: Managing direct funds requires constant market analysis and an understanding of when to rebalance or exit. This can be challenging without professional help.

Advantages of Regular Funds: A regular fund, managed through an MFD with CFP credentials, provides ongoing guidance. This can help in making informed decisions, aligning investments with financial goals, and optimizing the portfolio as per changing market conditions.

Creating a Passive Income Strategy
Generating passive income requires a balanced portfolio that provides regular returns without exposing the corpus to high risk. Here’s how he can structure his investments:

Systematic Withdrawal Plan (SWP): An SWP allows him to withdraw a fixed amount regularly from his mutual fund investments. This ensures a steady flow of income while the remaining investment continues to grow.

Dividend-Paying Mutual Funds: These funds provide regular dividend income, which can be used as a source of passive income. However, the amount may vary based on the fund’s performance.

Debt Funds with Monthly Income Plans (MIPs): MIPs are a conservative investment option. They primarily invest in debt instruments, ensuring stability, with a small portion in equities for growth potential.

Long-Term Perspective and Compounding
Given that he is 35, it’s essential to think long-term. Investing with a focus on long-term growth, while drawing passive income, can provide both stability and wealth creation over time. The power of compounding will work in his favor, especially if the investments are allowed to grow over many years.

Reinvesting Surplus Income: Any surplus income generated from these investments should be reinvested to take advantage of compounding. This will help in growing the corpus further, leading to more significant passive income in the future.

Regular Portfolio Review: The investment landscape changes, and so should the portfolio. Regular reviews with a Certified Financial Planner will ensure the investments remain aligned with his financial goals.

Managing Expectations
While the goal is to generate passive income, it’s important to have realistic expectations. He should focus on steady growth and income rather than chasing high returns. This approach will help in protecting his capital and ensuring a stable financial future for his family.

Understand Market Realities: Equity markets can be volatile, and debt markets can be affected by interest rate changes. A balanced approach will help in managing these risks.

Regular Income Over High Growth: Prioritize investments that offer regular income, even if it means slightly lower growth. The focus should be on stability, especially with a family depending on the income.

Importance of Emergency Fund
Before committing the entire corpus to investments, it’s crucial to set aside an emergency fund. This fund should cover at least 6 to 12 months of expenses. It ensures that he does not have to liquidate investments prematurely in case of unexpected expenses.

Liquid Funds: An emergency fund can be parked in liquid funds, which offer easy access to money while providing better returns than a savings account.

Accessibility: The key feature of an emergency fund is its accessibility. Ensure that the funds are easy to withdraw without penalties or losses.

Final Insights
Investing Rs 10 lakhs to generate passive income requires a careful, well-planned approach. It’s vital to avoid high-risk investments and get-rich-quick schemes. Instead, focus on building a diversified portfolio that balances risk and return, offering steady income while preserving and growing the corpus.

Diversify Across Asset Classes: Spread investments across equity, debt, and hybrid funds to manage risk effectively.

Use Professional Guidance: Leveraging the expertise of a Certified Financial Planner will help in making informed decisions and optimizing the portfolio.

Stay Disciplined: Stick to the plan, regularly review the portfolio, and adjust based on market conditions and personal goals.

Reinvest and Compound: Whenever possible, reinvest income to take advantage of compounding, growing the corpus over time.

By focusing on these strategies, your cousin can create a sustainable source of passive income, ensuring financial stability for himself and his family.

Best Regards,

K. Ramalingam, MBA, CFP,

Chief Financial Planner,

www.holisticinvestment.in

..Read more

Latest Questions
Anu

Anu Krishna  |1503 Answers  |Ask -

Relationships Expert, Mind Coach - Answered on Feb 11, 2025

Listen
Relationship
I've married a divorcee few years back who has two teenage kids, a boy and a girl studying final year chemical engineering. While I'm in ok terms with the boy, the girl who is supposed to be taken care of by her father according to court order but stays with us due to harrassment started showing her true colours by creating unnecessary problems, goaded by my wife's relatives who dont like her remarriage to me. I try very much to stay cool whenever she fights but sometimes lose my patience and shout at her. She is a very vengeful girl and I recently came to know that she is planning to file sexual harrassment charges against me. I am scared of the insults if she files such a case merely to hurt me and her mother. She openly mocks that the law and authorities will be always on her side. Kindly advise me on what precautions I can take to avoid getting framed and lose my dignity.
Ans: Dear manikantaprabhu,
Legal advice is a lawyer's domain and you can seek the guidance of one.
What does your wife have to say about her daughter's actions? Is she also unable to control what is happening? Why is the girl's father not in the picture?
Obviously the divorce of her parents hasn't been easy on the girl and at an impressionable age, they can easily be swayed by relatives at a vulnerable time like this. I would ask your wife to step in and take care of this as she is the only person who the girl can trust now. You have not shared what your wife is doing to manage the situation. She has a huge role to play right now in terms of providing emotional support to her daughter through a loving and caring environment. Things may change...

All the best!
Anu Krishna
Mind Coach|NLP Trainer|Author
Drop in: www.unfear.io
Reach me: Facebook: anukrish07/ AND LinkedIn: anukrishna-joyofserving/

...Read more

Ramalingam

Ramalingam Kalirajan  |7931 Answers  |Ask -

Mutual Funds, Financial Planning Expert - Answered on Feb 11, 2025

Asked by Anonymous - Feb 11, 2025Hindi
Listen
Hi I am 46 year old and have one child I have 27 lac in PPF and 1.10Cr in mutual funds 10 Lac in ULIP Plan. and 5 lac in NPS and 3 lac in EPF. 1.5 Cr term insurance Currently investing in 1.01 lac in SIP per month, 1 per year in ULIP, 50000 per year in NPS and 1.5 lac per year in PPF also EPF contribution. Salary income is 1.5 lac per month and rent income is 24000 and I am spending 15000 on rent. current loans 21 lac outstanding of home loan till 2032 and car loan 3 lac till Nov 2026 How should I plan retirement early at age of 52?
Ans: By the time you retire at 52, your investments are expected to grow as follows:

Mutual Funds (SIP Growth): ~?99.9L (?1.01L SIP for 6 years @10%)
ULIP Growth: ~?7.2L (?1L/year for 6 years @6%)
NPS Growth: ~?3.7L (?50K/year for 6 years @7%)
PPF Growth: ~?11.2L (?1.5L/year for 6 years @7%)
Existing Corpus Growth: ~?2.33 Cr (Current ?1.55 Cr growing @7%)
Total Expected Corpus at 52: ?3.55 Cr

Retirement Corpus Requirement
Assuming ?80K/month expenses (?9.6L/year) and a 4% safe withdrawal rate, you need:

?2.4 Cr corpus for a 40-year retirement
Conclusion & Plan
? You are well on track for early retirement at 52!
? Your projected corpus of ?3.55 Cr is sufficient to sustain ?80K/month expenses comfortably.
? Continue investing ?1.01L SIP till 52 and gradually shift some corpus to safer debt instruments closer to retirement.



Best Regards,
K. Ramalingam, MBA, CFP
Chief Financial Planner
www.holisticinvestment.in
https://www.youtube.com/@HolisticInvestment.

...Read more

Ramalingam

Ramalingam Kalirajan  |7931 Answers  |Ask -

Mutual Funds, Financial Planning Expert - Answered on Feb 11, 2025

Listen
Money
Dear Sir / Madam , i worked for 9 years with company name Atl , My LIC superannuation amount is total around 8 Lac . I am ok with not withdrawing 1/3rd amount Which Option should i choose to get maximum Pension/month and for maximum period , all clauses are mention below for your reference : 7. Option to choose pension i) Life pension ceasing at death, No purchase price shall be paid on death of beneficiary, No guaranteed payments. ii) Life pension with guaranteed payments for 5/10/15/20 years. No purchase price shall be paid on death or at end of 5/10/15/20 years guarantee. On survival to guaranteed payment pension shall be continued to be payable till life survives. (Please specify period) . iii) Life pension ceasing at death of member with return of capital (purchase price) to beneficiary alongwith group pension terminal bonus declared by LIC. iv) Joint life and Last survivor pension to member and his/her spouse (without any gauranteed payments as in case of 1) v) Joint life and last survivor pension to the member and his/her spouse with return of purchase price on death of last survivor alongwith group pension terminal bonus declared by LIC. 8. Mode of payment of pension (specify specifically) (MLY / QLY / HLY / YLY) 9. State whether member wants commutation of pension (Yes / No) as per prevalent Income Tax Rules. (Please note that at present member can commute maximum to 1/3 (33.33%). This proportion may range maximum upto 1/2 (50%) if member is not eligible to get group gratuity. rgds Bharat
Ans: Dear Bharat,

To maximize your monthly pension and ensure the longest duration, the best option depends on your needs:

Maximum Pension:

Option (i) – Life pension ceasing at death offers the highest monthly pension but stops at your death.
Option (ii) – Life pension with a guarantee period (10/15/20 years) ensures pension continues even if you pass away early, making it a safer choice.
Maximum Benefit for Family:

Option (v) – Joint life & last survivor pension with return of purchase price ensures your spouse continues receiving pension and the purchase price is refunded to heirs.
Best Choice for You
If you need maximum pension for life, go for Option (i) or Option (ii) with a 15/20-year guarantee.
If your spouse also needs financial security, choose Option (v).
For pension frequency, monthly (MLY) is best for regular income.

Since you are okay with not withdrawing 1/3rd, you can choose NO for commutation to get a higher pension amount.


Best Regards,

K. Ramalingam, MBA, CFP
Chief Financial Planner
www.holisticinvestment.in
https://www.youtube.com/@HolisticInvestment.

...Read more

Anu

Anu Krishna  |1503 Answers  |Ask -

Relationships Expert, Mind Coach - Answered on Feb 11, 2025

Asked by Anonymous - Feb 05, 2025Hindi
Listen
Hello, I'm a female (30). I got married in dec 2023. My husband was very particular with sharing all the bills equally and I agreed with it but after 2months of marriage he started asking me pay his EMI's which is more than 65k/m or take his home loan entirely on my name. This loan was taken before marriage. I refused to pay his loans, then he started emotionally abusing me. He calls me names, body shames me and compares me with other girls and says he deserves better. He says every other wife out there is better than me and me and my family doesn't give enough gifts to him like other families.He never helped me with any household chores despite both being employed and sharing equal bills. He asks to give him my entire salary but I can't do it because I took out a personal loan for my parents before marriage which I have to pay 75k/m . My husband was not aware of this. I want to file for a divorce but my parents are adamantly refusing to agree even though he know what kind of person he is and is even blaming me saying I do not know how to adjust and maintain a marriage. What should I do?
Ans: Dear Anonymous,
Any reason or anything that triggered him to demand that you pay up? Is this his way of testing if you also have commitment towards him and not just your parents (since you are paying their EMIs)?
Instead of being a life partner who shares their partner's choices from before the marriage, he has become someone who thrives on emotionally hassling you. What I see as red flag in his behavior is the fact that after agreeing to one thing before, changing stance later...WHY?
Then crying foul by abusing etc...WHY?
Honestly, check with yourself if he is indeed going to be a life partner who can share burdens, support and care for his spouse! If there's a doubt there, consider your options wisely as this person can hold onto money very tightly.

All the best!
Anu Krishna
Mind Coach|NLP Trainer|Author
Drop in: www.unfear.io
Reach me: Facebook: anukrish07/ AND LinkedIn: anukrishna-joyofserving/

...Read more

Anu

Anu Krishna  |1503 Answers  |Ask -

Relationships Expert, Mind Coach - Answered on Feb 11, 2025

Asked by Anonymous - Feb 06, 2025Hindi
Listen
Hello mam , my bf is great he is nice and always supports me in my choices but sometimes he is overly jealous yesterday I told him that his friend talks very nicely because his friend and I had previous 1-2 conversation but at that time I didn't like the way he used to talks to me i also told this to my bf which he reply he is always like this but yesterday he talked to me in very nicely because now he knows that I am a important person in his friend life and I also this thing to my bf that I was too quick to judge he is not even that bad but just after my bf got upset and started to tell me if you like him that much then go and date him why are you dating him I was like no i am just telling he is not that bad as I have thought about him in the starting and he didn't listen to me and he is not even talking and it makes me feel like I did something wrong by talking to his friend which was also related to my bf
Ans: Dear Anonymous,
You got yourself a boyfriend who can get jealous and act pretty immature; but in his defense he possibly didn't even know that he could act up like this, yeah?
Let his settle with these jealousies and insecurities and maybe a bit of reassurance from your side can ease him a bit BUT do let him know that this kind of reactions are not very welcome. Your relationship must be built on trust and understanding and NOT insecurities and doubts.

All the best!
Anu Krishna
Mind Coach|NLP Trainer|Author
Drop in: www.unfear.io
Reach me: Facebook: anukrish07/ AND LinkedIn: anukrishna-joyofserving/

...Read more

Kanchan

Kanchan Rai  |534 Answers  |Ask -

Relationships Expert, Mind Coach - Answered on Feb 11, 2025

Asked by Anonymous - Feb 10, 2025Hindi
Listen
I have just turned 33. Have a handful friends and that is my social circle. I go on motorcycle rides and that group of people is limited to motorcycling. I have quit my regular job and started pursuing self employment opportunities. I was not in mindset for relationship but off late there is a girl who seems to be extremely interested in me. Funnily she says I am the most ideal guy she met but I have no idea what gives her that vibe. She told she loves me and I said I don't have such feelings for her. Yet we hang out frequently. Throughout these moments I get a feeling that I am becoming less emotional towards my surroundings. I used to love dogs, feed them, pet the ones near my house. Now I see them on the street, I don't care. I used to care about the kids on street begging, give them food whenever I could, now I don't care. Someone shares any kind of bad news, I sympathise as if I am delivering a template, I don't care. The girls says she loves me and I know deep down I have no emotional feelings for her. In retrospect I was not such a person as a child or teen. But between my childhood to now some of the things were a turning point. 1. At 4 yrs I was told my mother was dead and my father was someone I barely met a few hours on the weekend. 2. By 16 yrs I buried 3 out of my 5 dogs and realised that alcohol was killing my dad everyday 3. At 20 yrs death of my father 4. Between 20 to 25 I realised relatives and so called friends will gladly stab you when they have a chance 5. At 25 yrs sold my dad's property, lost my roots had to come back to Bangalore 6. Watched most of my friends sideline me considering I was an orphan with no future. 7. Getting rejected by girls as lack of parents meant I was a lose cannon and cannot be trusted. I never believed in hiding stuff particularly in emotionally involving relationships. I might be wrong about this girls and maybe she really likes me but I feel I have lost interest in such things or maybe I don't have the strength left to go through such emotionally draining stuff again just for nothing. I don't know what I want.
Ans: This girl might genuinely like you, but your hesitance isn’t about her—it’s about whether you can or even want to open yourself up to something that might eventually hurt again. When you’ve seen so much loss, the idea of forming attachments can feel more like a risk than a reward.

The emotional numbness you’re experiencing isn’t unusual for someone who’s been through repeated trauma. It’s a coping mechanism. But the fact that you’re aware of it means there’s still a part of you that wants to feel something again—you just don’t know how or if it’s worth it.

Maybe instead of forcing yourself to figure everything out right now, just sit with it. Spend time with this girl without the pressure of defining anything. See if, over time, you actually enjoy her presence or if it feels like an obligation. If you don’t feel anything, that’s okay too—at least you’ll have clarity.

And if you ever want to reconnect with the part of you that once cared deeply, start small. Maybe one day, feed a dog again. Maybe one day, give food to a street kid—not because you should, but just to see if it stirs anything. No pressure, no expectations.

You’ve survived things that would break most people. It’s okay to take your time figuring out what you want next.

...Read more

Anu

Anu Krishna  |1503 Answers  |Ask -

Relationships Expert, Mind Coach - Answered on Feb 11, 2025

Asked by Anonymous - Feb 06, 2025Hindi
Listen
Two years ago, I got married to my boss after dating for three years. He was previously married and had wanted me to quit my job and take care of my family. The first year went well but his behaviour changed after our first wedding anniversary. He has been staying late at work, avoiding my calls and often goes on outstation meetings while I take care of his ageing parents and 5 year old son from his first wife. My mother suspects he may be having an affair. I am 32. Since our communication has reduced, I feel stuck and helpless at home. My friends tell me that after marriage, most men behave the same way. Is it true? Am I overthinking too much? How do I find out?
Ans: Dear Anonymous,
No, you are not overthinking this. One way to find out is to actually 'Call Out' his behavior without actually complaining to him. He needs to understand that you did not marry to look after his family.
Also, what made you leave your work life? Kindly get back to working and as you engage with people at work and outside, he will realize that you are not just someone who is a going to take on his responsibilities at home. It's time you balanced home and work now. Now, whether he has an affair or not is something that is left to evidence of the matter. Till then, it will only be guess work. But, you do need to re-establish your identity as a working woman who also cares for her home. Possibly, this change in you, will bring him back on track as he will no longer have the comfort of 'dumping' the house work onto you AND going about hsi own business. Try this and see what happens.

All the best!
Anu Krishna
Mind Coach|NLP Trainer|Author
Drop in: www.unfear.io
Reach me: Facebook: anukrish07/ AND LinkedIn: anukrishna-joyofserving/

...Read more

Anu

Anu Krishna  |1503 Answers  |Ask -

Relationships Expert, Mind Coach - Answered on Feb 11, 2025

I am 48 years old man, have always been in love with my younger brother(44 years) (cousin). He and I were best friends since childhood and I am too much in love with him. For last 23 years, we have parted (fought) and I have avoided him like anything. He knew all about my love (letters/stalking/begging/crying) and thats why he distanced himself from me. He came back after 23 years (only on whatsapp chat), and again i started crying and what not and emotionally totally unstable. My wife, kids and even i am surprised how bad it is within me. He wants me as a friend (not overly emotionally invested). How can I be a normal human being with him? Is it even possible? I hate being like this, how can i let go.... It's for so long what help do i need if any.
Ans: Dear test,
When you allow your emotions to self-destruct, that is exactly what will happen. You have been unable to accept that your path and your cousin's paths are different...you have gone on to build a family and then you have decided to break down all over again. How do you expect your family to understand all this?
What you call as LOVE; is it possibly an attachment for him? Dependence on him for attention, love, validation? You need to introspect and grow out of this OR settle this in a way that you can get back your peace of mind. At this moment with the information that you have shared, I can guide you only as much!

All the best!
Anu Krishna
Mind Coach|NLP Trainer|Author
Drop in: www.unfear.io
Reach me: Facebook: anukrish07/ AND LinkedIn: anukrishna-joyofserving/

...Read more

DISCLAIMER: The content of this post by the expert is the personal view of the rediffGURU. Investment in securities market are subject to market risks. Read all the related document carefully before investing. The securities quoted are for illustration only and are not recommendatory. Users are advised to pursue the information provided by the rediffGURU only as a source of information and as a point of reference and to rely on their own judgement when making a decision. RediffGURUS is an intermediary as per India's Information Technology Act.

Close  

You haven't logged in yet. To ask a question, Please Log in below
Login

A verification OTP will be sent to this
Mobile Number / Email

Enter OTP
A 6 digit code has been sent to

Resend OTP in120seconds

Dear User, You have not registered yet. Please register by filling the fields below to get expert answers from our Gurus
Sign up

By signing up, you agree to our
Terms & Conditions and Privacy Policy

Already have an account?

Enter OTP
A 6 digit code has been sent to Mobile

Resend OTP in120seconds

x