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Sunil

Sunil Lala  |203 Answers  |Ask -

Financial Planner - Answered on Feb 26, 2024

Sunil Lala founded SL Wealth, a company that offers life and non-life insurance, mutual fund and asset allocation advice, in 2005. A certified financial planner, he has three decades of domain experience. His expertise includes designing goal-specific financial plans and creating investment awareness. He has been a registered member of the Financial Planning Standards Board since 2009.... more
Asked by Anonymous - Nov 30, 2023Hindi
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Namste Sunil ji, Meri ummar 45 saal hai, meri ek wife hai, baccha nahi hai iss saal plan kar rahe hai.., mujhe lagta hai mein 60 years tak kaam aur kar sakta hoon uske baad retire ya koi dusra kaam karunga . meri saalry 1 lakh approx hai..meri koi saving nahi..medicalim hai.. meri wife bhi kuch nahi karti hai..agar mujhe retire hona hai toh mein kitna save karoon in mutual funds ya kuch guide kijiye ki aur mein kaise paisa kama sakta hoon. chota chpat kaaam kare ke.. mera rent 40k jata hai... mumbai mein. Please guide me. Thanks really worried about my old age.

Ans: Mumbai mien rehte ho and medical insurance nahi hai, risky hai. Retirement paar kitna paisa haar month chaiye ? SIP karo equity MF mien.
DISCLAIMER: The content of this post by the expert is the personal view of the rediffGURU. Users are advised to pursue the information provided by the rediffGURU only as a source of information to be as a point of reference and to rely on their own judgement when making a decision.
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Ramalingam

Ramalingam Kalirajan  |7100 Answers  |Ask -

Mutual Funds, Financial Planning Expert - Answered on May 31, 2024

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Hello Ramalingam Sir, Hope are doing well. I am 37 years now, my monthly Salary ?83000 + other source of income is ?35000. I have a car loan of ?31250 for 7 years, I have started SIP of ?10000 for my children further education goal, I have also started NPS with ?5000, I stay in rented house with my joint family. Can you please help me secure for my retirement and also for my children further goals.
Ans: Your monthly salary is Rs 83,000 and you have an additional income of Rs 35,000. You also have a car loan EMI of Rs 31,250 for the next seven years. Additionally, you have started a SIP of Rs 10,000 for your children’s education and are contributing Rs 5,000 to the National Pension System (NPS). You live in a rented house with your joint family. Let's dive into the details to help you secure your retirement and your children's future.

Evaluating Current Financial Commitments
First, let's consider your car loan. The EMI of Rs 31,250 is a significant portion of your monthly income. Managing this commitment effectively is crucial. Paying off this loan on time will ensure you don’t incur additional interest or penalties.

The SIP of Rs 10,000 for your children's education is a good start. It shows you are proactively planning for their future. Similarly, your NPS contribution of Rs 5,000 is a positive step towards building a retirement corpus. However, we need to ensure that these investments align with your long-term goals.

Monthly Budget and Expense Management
Managing your expenses is key to achieving your financial goals. Your total monthly income is Rs 1,18,000 (Rs 83,000 + Rs 35,000). After deducting your car loan EMI (Rs 31,250), SIP (Rs 10,000), and NPS (Rs 5,000), you are left with Rs 71,750.

It’s important to create a detailed budget to track your spending and ensure you have enough for savings and investments. Prioritize your expenses and look for areas where you can reduce unnecessary spending. This will help you allocate more funds towards your financial goals.

Strategic Investments for Retirement
Building a retirement corpus requires a well-thought-out investment strategy. While NPS is a good start, relying solely on it may not be sufficient. Consider diversifying your investments to include a mix of equity and debt mutual funds.

Equity mutual funds, managed by professional fund managers, have the potential to offer higher returns over the long term. They can help grow your wealth significantly, especially if you start early and invest consistently. On the other hand, debt mutual funds provide stability and lower risk. A balanced portfolio with both can help achieve your retirement goals.

Planning for Children’s Education
Education costs are rising, and it’s wise to plan early. Your SIP of Rs 10,000 is a great start. However, consider reviewing the fund’s performance regularly and adjusting your contributions as your income increases. Investing in a combination of equity and hybrid mutual funds can offer a good balance between growth and stability.

Avoid direct mutual funds, which require you to manage investments yourself. Instead, opt for regular mutual funds through a Certified Financial Planner (CFP). They provide expert guidance, which can help you make informed decisions and optimize your returns.

Insurance: Protecting Your Family’s Future
Insurance is a crucial part of financial planning. Ensure you have adequate life and health insurance coverage. This will protect your family’s financial future in case of unforeseen events. Review your policies regularly to make sure they align with your current needs and circumstances.

Emergency Fund: A Financial Safety Net
Having an emergency fund is essential. It should cover at least six months of your living expenses. This fund will act as a safety net during unexpected situations like job loss or medical emergencies. Keep this fund in a liquid and easily accessible form, such as a savings account or a liquid mutual fund.

Review and Adjust Regularly
Financial planning is an ongoing process. Review your financial plan regularly to ensure it aligns with your goals and current situation. Adjust your investments and contributions as your income and expenses change. Regular reviews with a Certified Financial Planner can provide valuable insights and keep you on track.

Conclusion
By understanding your current financial situation, managing expenses, and strategically investing, you can secure your retirement and your children's future. Diversify your investments, avoid direct funds, and seek professional advice from a Certified Financial Planner to optimize your returns. Regular reviews and adjustments will ensure your financial plan remains effective and aligned with your goals.

Best Regards,

K. Ramalingam, MBA, CFP,

Chief Financial Planner,

www.holisticinvestment.in

..Read more

Ramalingam

Ramalingam Kalirajan  |7100 Answers  |Ask -

Mutual Funds, Financial Planning Expert - Answered on Jul 10, 2024

Asked by Anonymous - Jul 10, 2024Hindi
Money
Hello Sir, I am 38 yeras old,leaving in bhubaneswar with monyhly rent of 7000, i have 2 kids,1 is in UKG and small 1 is 6 month old. I have 30 lakhs in PPF, 30 lakhs in FD,monthly SIP 25000, and i have done helath insurance of 5 lakhs for my family,term insurance 50 lakhs, LIC and PLI premium paid 20 lakhs, Plz guide me, i want to retire at the age of 50, My monthly income is 70000 Plz guide me
Ans: I’m glad you reached out for advice. Let's break down your situation and explore the best strategies for achieving your goal of retiring at 50.

Understanding Your Current Financial Position
You have a strong foundation to build on. Here’s a summary:

Monthly income: Rs 70,000
Monthly rent: Rs 7,000
Monthly SIP: Rs 25,000
PPF: Rs 30 lakhs
FD: Rs 30 lakhs
Health insurance: Rs 5 lakhs
Term insurance: Rs 50 lakhs
LIC and PLI premium paid: Rs 20 lakhs
2 kids (one in UKG, one 6 months old)
You’re managing well and investing actively, which is commendable.

Evaluating Your Investments
Your investments are diversified across different instruments. Let’s evaluate each one:

Public Provident Fund (PPF)
PPF is a safe investment with tax benefits. However, the returns are relatively low compared to other investment options. It's a good foundation but should be complemented with other high-return investments.

Fixed Deposits (FD)
FDs are low-risk but offer limited growth. They are excellent for safety but not ideal for wealth creation. It's crucial to diversify beyond FDs for higher returns.

Mutual Funds
Your monthly SIP of Rs 25,000 in mutual funds is a great step. Mutual funds offer potential for high returns through various categories:

Equity Funds: These funds invest in stocks and have high growth potential but come with higher risk.
Debt Funds: These invest in bonds and are safer but with moderate returns.
Balanced Funds: A mix of equity and debt, offering balanced risk and return.
Health and Term Insurance
Your health insurance cover of Rs 5 lakhs for the family is essential. Term insurance of Rs 50 lakhs ensures financial security for your family in case of an unfortunate event.

Recommended Strategies for Retirement at 50
Achieving retirement at 50 requires a focused and strategic approach. Here’s a comprehensive plan:

Increase SIP Investments
Consider increasing your SIP amount gradually. Mutual funds, especially equity funds, have the potential for significant growth due to the power of compounding.

Review and Realign Insurance Policies
If you hold LIC or PLI policies, evaluate their returns. Insurance-cum-investment plans often offer lower returns compared to pure investment plans. Surrender low-yield policies and reinvest the amount into mutual funds.

Diversify Your Portfolio
Diversification is crucial for balancing risk and return. Here are some categories to consider:

Large-Cap Funds: Invest in well-established companies. These are less volatile and offer stable returns.
Mid-Cap and Small-Cap Funds: Invest in growing companies. These can offer higher returns but come with higher risk.
International Funds: Exposure to global markets can provide growth opportunities and diversification.
Emergency Fund
Maintain an emergency fund equivalent to 6-12 months of expenses. This can be in a liquid fund or savings account for easy access.

Power of Compounding
The power of compounding works best with time and consistent investments. Starting early and staying invested in mutual funds can significantly grow your wealth.

Long-Term Growth
Equity mutual funds are ideal for long-term growth. Despite market volatility, historical data shows that long-term equity investments can offer substantial returns.

Risk Management
Balancing risk is key. Your current portfolio has a good mix of safe and growth-oriented investments. As you approach retirement, gradually shift towards safer investments to preserve capital.

Regular Portfolio Review
Regularly reviewing and rebalancing your portfolio ensures alignment with your financial goals. A Certified Financial Planner can help in making informed decisions.

Kids' Education and Future Needs
Plan for your kids' education and future expenses. Consider investing in child-specific plans or education funds that grow with your child’s needs.

Focused Education Planning
Start an education SIP specifically for your kids. Education costs are rising, and early planning can ease future financial burdens.

Retirement Corpus Calculation
Determine the retirement corpus required to maintain your lifestyle post-retirement. Factor in inflation, healthcare costs, and other expenses.

Assessing Monthly Needs
Calculate your monthly expenses post-retirement, aiming for a corpus that supports these expenses without depleting your savings too quickly.

Health Insurance Enhancement
Consider enhancing your health insurance cover as medical costs are rising. A top-up policy can provide additional coverage without a high premium.

Comprehensive Coverage
Review your health insurance to ensure it covers all critical aspects, including hospitalisation, surgeries, and chronic illnesses.

Importance of Estate Planning
Create a will to ensure your assets are distributed according to your wishes. Estate planning provides peace of mind and security for your family.

Legal Assistance
Consult a legal expert to draft a will and manage your estate planning effectively. This ensures your wealth is passed on smoothly.

Tax Efficiency
Invest in tax-efficient instruments to maximise returns. Utilise all available deductions and exemptions to reduce taxable income.

Tax-Saving Investments
Explore options like ELSS (Equity Linked Savings Scheme) for tax benefits under Section 80C while gaining equity exposure.

Avoiding Common Pitfalls
Avoid common investment mistakes like chasing high returns without assessing risk, ignoring inflation, and not reviewing your portfolio regularly.

Long-Term Perspective
Maintain a long-term perspective with your investments. Short-term market fluctuations should not deter your investment strategy.

Role of Certified Financial Planner
A Certified Financial Planner can provide personalised advice, considering your unique financial situation and goals. They help in creating a holistic financial plan.

Expert Guidance
Seek expert guidance to navigate complex financial decisions. A CFP ensures your investments align with your retirement goals.

Final Insights
You have a solid financial foundation. By enhancing your investments, managing risks, and planning meticulously, you can achieve your goal of retiring at 50.

Stay focused, review your investments regularly, and make informed decisions. Financial discipline and a strategic approach will lead you to a comfortable and secure retirement.

Best Regards,

K. Ramalingam, MBA, CFP

Chief Financial Planner,

www.holisticinvestment.in

..Read more

Ramalingam

Ramalingam Kalirajan  |7100 Answers  |Ask -

Mutual Funds, Financial Planning Expert - Answered on Sep 02, 2024

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Hi sir , I'm 38 year software engineer ,married but no child My salary is 1.80 lac per month . Doing SIP 75K per month NPS 50 k yearly PPF 24 k yearly Having 2 plot costing about 40 lac and 2 flats . 5 lac invested in psu stocks 5 lac in gold bond And parental land property of near about 40 lac . Home loan pending of 40 lac ( which I will close in 4 years ) . Want to retire at age of 58 years with min 10 cr In account .pls guide
Ans: You are in a solid financial position with a stable monthly income of Rs 1.80 lakhs. You’re committed to disciplined saving and investing, demonstrated by your SIP contributions of Rs 75,000 per month, yearly NPS contributions of Rs 50,000, and a PPF contribution of Rs 24,000 annually. Additionally, you hold Rs 5 lakhs in PSU stocks and Rs 5 lakhs in gold bonds. Your real estate assets include two plots valued at Rs 40 lakhs and two flats, along with a parental property worth about Rs 40 lakhs. You also have a home loan of Rs 40 lakhs, which you plan to close within the next four years. Your goal is to retire at 58 with Rs 10 crores in savings.

This is an ambitious yet achievable goal. Let’s analyze your current situation and outline a strategy to help you reach your retirement target.

Evaluating Your Asset Allocation
Your portfolio is diversified across various asset classes, including equity, debt, and real estate. However, it’s important to assess the efficiency of your asset allocation in relation to your retirement goal.

Equity Investments: Your SIP contributions show a strong focus on equity, which is crucial for long-term wealth accumulation. Equity investments tend to provide higher returns over the long term, making them essential for reaching your Rs 10 crore target.

Debt Investments: Your investments in PPF, NPS, and gold bonds add stability to your portfolio. These are low-risk, low-return investments that protect your capital. However, their contribution to wealth creation might be limited.

Real Estate Investments: You have substantial investments in real estate, including two plots and two flats, along with parental property. While real estate can provide value appreciation, it is illiquid and may not align with your retirement needs. Holding a large portion of your wealth in real estate could impact your financial flexibility during retirement.

Diversification and Growth Potential
The key to achieving your retirement goal is ensuring your portfolio is well-diversified and growth-oriented.

Increase Equity Exposure: Given your goal of accumulating Rs 10 crores, it’s advisable to enhance your equity exposure. Equity is the most effective asset class for generating long-term returns. Actively managed equity funds, rather than index funds, can potentially offer better returns due to professional management.

Limit Real Estate Exposure: While you have significant real estate holdings, they are illiquid and may not generate the desired cash flow during retirement. Consider reducing your real estate exposure and reallocating these funds to more liquid and growth-oriented investments.

Maximize Tax-Efficient Investments: Continue with your NPS and PPF contributions, as they provide tax benefits and stability. However, focus on maximizing equity investments for higher returns.

Managing Your Home Loan
Your plan to close your Rs 40 lakh home loan within four years is commendable. Eliminating debt will free up cash flow, which can be redirected towards your retirement savings.

Prioritize Loan Repayment: While paying off your loan, ensure that your investment contributions are not compromised. A balanced approach is necessary to maintain growth in your retirement corpus while reducing debt.

Post-Loan Investment Strategy: Once your loan is cleared, consider increasing your SIP contributions or investing in other growth-oriented assets. This will help accelerate the accumulation of your retirement corpus.

Importance of Professional Guidance
Working with a Certified Financial Planner (CFP) can provide you with tailored advice and strategies to reach your retirement goal.

Customized Financial Plan: A CFP can create a comprehensive financial plan that aligns with your retirement goal. This includes asset allocation, risk management, and tax planning.

Regular Portfolio Reviews: Your portfolio should be reviewed regularly to ensure it remains on track with your financial objectives. A CFP can adjust your investment strategy based on changes in the market or your personal circumstances.

Retirement Planning: A CFP will help you determine the right mix of investments that balance growth with income generation, crucial for a comfortable retirement.

Tax Efficiency and Retirement Planning
Ensuring tax efficiency in your investments is essential for maximizing your retirement savings.

Equity Investments: Focus on long-term equity investments, as they are taxed at a lower rate compared to short-term gains. Actively managed funds can offer better after-tax returns compared to index funds.

Debt Investments: While debt investments provide stability, ensure they are also tax-efficient.

NPS Contributions: Your NPS contributions provide tax benefits under Section 80CCD(1B), making them a valuable component of your retirement plan.

Preparing for Retirement
To reach your goal of Rs 10 crores by age 58, it’s important to follow a structured investment strategy.

Increase SIP Contributions: Post home loan repayment, consider increasing your SIP contributions to further accelerate your wealth accumulation.

Consider a Balanced Portfolio: A balanced portfolio that includes equity, debt, and other investment options will help you achieve your financial goals. Ensure your portfolio is reviewed and adjusted regularly.

Plan for Retirement Income: As you approach retirement, consider shifting some of your growth-oriented investments to income-generating assets. This will ensure a steady cash flow during retirement.

Final Insights
Your financial position is strong, and with disciplined investing, your goal of Rs 10 crores by age 58 is within reach. Here’s a summary of the key steps:

Review Real Estate Holdings: Consider reducing real estate exposure to enhance liquidity and invest in growth-oriented assets.

Enhance Equity Exposure: Continue with your SIPs, focusing on actively managed funds for higher returns.

Close Home Loan Strategically: Pay off your loan as planned, but ensure it does not hinder your retirement savings.

Work with a CFP: Engage a Certified Financial Planner to create a tailored financial plan and regularly review your portfolio.

Focus on Tax Efficiency: Optimize your investments for tax efficiency to maximize your retirement corpus.

By following these steps, you can confidently work towards your retirement goal, ensuring financial security and peace of mind.

Best Regards,

K. Ramalingam, MBA, CFP,

Chief Financial Planner,

www.holisticinvestment.in

..Read more

Ramalingam

Ramalingam Kalirajan  |7100 Answers  |Ask -

Mutual Funds, Financial Planning Expert - Answered on Nov 12, 2024

Asked by Anonymous - Nov 12, 2024Hindi
Money
Meri age 43 hai, private job h, meri month income 27000/ hain jo mere in hand 25600/- aati hain, meri koi alag se income nhi hain, Mera beta h jo abhi 8 year ka h, uska future kasie secure kru, family ke sath hi rehta hu, main aisa kya kru jisse meri monthly income bhi save ho sake. Or retirement ka koi issue na ho.
Ans: Let’s explore a comprehensive financial approach to help secure your son’s future and prepare for your retirement while saving from your monthly income. Here's a plan tailored to your unique situation.

Current Financial Overview
You are 43 years old and working in a private job with a monthly income of Rs 27,000, leaving you Rs 25,600 in hand. You have one son, aged 8, and no other income source. Ensuring a balance between saving, investing, and securing your son’s future is essential.

Steps for Financial Security and Savings
Establish an Emergency Fund
Start with building an emergency fund to cover 3-6 months of living expenses. This will ensure you’re financially protected during unexpected situations. Consider liquid funds or a recurring deposit, as they offer ease of access while keeping your funds safe.

Allocate for Child’s Education
Start saving specifically for your son's higher education. By beginning early, you can spread out contributions. Consider options that offer stable growth, such as child-specific mutual funds or balanced funds, which are professionally managed and aligned with long-term goals. Regular contributions through a Systematic Investment Plan (SIP) will help gradually accumulate a sizable corpus.

Focus on Retirement Planning
Retirement planning should be approached with a clear goal in mind. Assess how much you will need to maintain your lifestyle post-retirement. Aim for investments that provide growth along with some stability, like diversified mutual funds or balanced funds, as these allow capital appreciation over time. Investing regularly will help ease the burden and grow your retirement corpus without impacting your monthly income significantly.

Health Insurance Protection
Health-related expenses can strain finances. Ensure you have adequate health insurance coverage to safeguard yourself and your family from unexpected medical costs. This will preserve your savings and protect your family’s well-being.

Life Insurance for Financial Security
Opt for term life insurance to provide a financial cushion for your family. This policy would offer your family a lump sum to cover essential expenses in case of an unfortunate event. Avoid investment-linked insurance as it may not give optimal returns compared to pure investment options like mutual funds.

Maximising Your Investment Returns
Mutual Fund Investments
Actively managed mutual funds can offer potentially higher returns than index funds. With an experienced Certified Financial Planner, you can choose funds managed by experts aiming to outperform the market. Through a Systematic Investment Plan (SIP), you can invest small amounts regularly, making it easier to save consistently.

Avoid Direct Funds; Choose Regular Funds
Direct funds can seem cost-effective, but they lack the benefit of expert guidance. Investing through a Certified Financial Planner helps you make informed choices, balancing risk and returns. Regular funds, guided by a CFP, ensure professional management and support, especially in adapting to market changes.

Tax-Efficient Investing
The recent changes in capital gains tax are important to understand. For equity mutual funds, long-term capital gains above Rs 1.25 lakh are taxed at 12.5%, while short-term capital gains are taxed at 20%. For debt mutual funds, both short-term and long-term gains are taxed as per your income slab. Planning your investments to align with these tax rules will help you maximize post-tax returns.

Budgeting and Expense Management
Set Up a Budget to Track Savings
A budget will help you control expenses and save more. Separate essential expenses like household needs, utilities, and education from non-essentials. Aim to save at least 10-15% of your monthly income towards investments.

Automate Savings
Automate your SIPs and other recurring savings. This disciplined approach ensures that savings are set aside first before other expenses. Automation also reduces the chances of missing contributions, allowing your investments to grow steadily.

Regular Financial Reviews
Review Your Financial Plan Annually
Review your financial plan and investment portfolio yearly. Adjust your strategy if there are changes in your income, expenses, or goals. A Certified Financial Planner can provide valuable insights and updates to keep you on track.

Final Insights
A structured, disciplined approach is key to building a secure financial future. By focusing on your son’s education, retirement, and emergency savings, you’re laying a foundation for financial independence and security. Remember, small but consistent efforts will help you achieve your financial goals with time.

Best Regards,

K. Ramalingam, MBA, CFP,

Chief Financial Planner,

www.holisticinvestment.in
https://www.youtube.com/@HolisticInvestment

..Read more

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Anu

Anu Krishna  |1321 Answers  |Ask -

Relationships Expert, Mind Coach - Answered on Nov 22, 2024

Asked by Anonymous - Jul 28, 2024Hindi
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Relationship
Hi sir, I am 40 yr old having work-expereince of 10 yrs behind me in ITes, customer support & service, banking and sales & marketing (product). My life till now can easily be converted into a bollywood biopic having its own twist & turns, roadblocks, struggles laughter, joy and sorrow. Change is the only constant in life and that exactly applies in my case. Although it has been a satisfactorily life till now given that I know myself and how I lead my life. Whenever I start to read something new I feel like going deep into it. I am also easily attracted to novel things & concepts. I usually get into procastination mode whenever I come across something entirely new and start to imagine myself trying it out in realilty.Why does this happens? Why can't I focus on one single thing at a time and see it to completion? I know in todays world generalists are looked down upon and it is an era of specialists, experts and professionals having good domain knowledge of their area of work. It is always better to be an expert than be a jack of all trades (which seems very filmy nowadays where a hero is expected to do everything on his own). Lately I have developed an avid interest in technology and i keep on reading various articles & books on IT and technology. I am also pursuing an online cyber security course from Great Learning Institute, Bangalore. I want to know am I going in the correct direction in life or is it something else I should do which ensures more satisfaction in life? Lately, I have become bit irriiated as well due to the above reasons as I tend to do multiple things at a time (multitasking). My parents are also fed up of me now. My mother keeps nagging me all day.I dont know how to really deal with her, as she always finds perfection in everything. That becomes too much at times. Does this happens in every household? Should I go out and travel to some place in order to temporarily escape from all this? Kindly suggest me some course of action. Pls answer. Thanks
Ans: Dear Anonymous,
You will be distracted and keep trying new things until you actually figure out what you want for yourself in life.
- How does you life seem like a few years down the line?
- What must you do NOW to actually get to where you want in life?

And to answer these questions, you first need to identify a strong, solid goal in life. Either you work with a mentor or your boss or a friend or an expert who can help you identify your goal and purpose. That might help you stay the course and actually streamline your thoughts, your job and your daily life.
Travel used for learning is great but using it to escape only worsens things...So, work on Goal-Setting!

All the best!
Anu Krishna
Mind Coach|NLP Trainer|Author
Drop in: www.unfear.io
Reach me: Facebook: anukrish07/ AND LinkedIn: anukrishna-joyofserving/

...Read more

Anu

Anu Krishna  |1321 Answers  |Ask -

Relationships Expert, Mind Coach - Answered on Nov 22, 2024

Asked by Anonymous - Nov 16, 2024Hindi
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Relationship
Hi , I am a professor mech engineer , after death of my wife and due to having 5 year girl baby I planned for 2 nd marriage as I live alone away from home town because my of job with my little baby . I accepted a widow having 2 child ,she was working in a govt job 250 km away , after ensuring and agreeing her possibility of transfer and job vacancy @govt office near my house and ensuring she agreed that she will come to live with me along with her 2 kids and my little baby as her trasfer was due in comming few months . We lived apart during her job at 250 km away.,while meeting on weekly offs 6 /7 time in 6 months , then she take 360 degree u turn and said she will not get job transfer to my place and get her trasfer in other dept. in same previous office. And started telling many reasons like she will loose her children's inheritance in her in-laws property ,she will loose promotion , kids Don't want trasfer , and said we will live apart forever . This was contradictory to earlier agreed things .and my my purpose to live in family with my baby not fulfilled , so after long ruckus ,I mutually got divorce from her , Then After divorce I decided to marry non working women having no child and don't expect child as I am @48 year old and tired of living alone and managing job ,girl , house chores . I married to a divorcee girl from Pune ,she was BA first year college drop out girl of 44 yr age after 6 months of long dating on week ends . During 6 months I tried to know her indepth but was don't used to talk much as I was trying to know her true nature, we visited many places ,movies . She seemed perfect as per my requirement of girl wanting no child , and she is house wife . after marriage she behave well for 1 st week ,then she started trouble to hate my baby ( became kaikai )on pety things , she want my baby to house chores at the cost of her important year of 10th std study . She don't liked me taking tution of girl , she didn't like if I help my girl any way . She don't like if I spent some money on my girl . She used to fight all night and don't let me sleep . Now she stated demanding that she want baby , though I was against and b4 marriage agreed to not have any more child due to old age ,cost ,and no personal time for self , then I agreed to have child but b4 that I got her and my fertility tested ,she had weak eggs and syst on her reproductive organs and doc warned to not go for pregnancy due to risk and probability of unhealthy baby birth , but she kept repeating That she want child we consulted 4 Drs. She used to fight and go to her mother's home for 2/4 months after living with me for 2/3 days only . Now she wants divorce , and asks me to keep my girl in hostel if I want her in my life . This Ramayan has left me baffled , What should I do ??? .....
Ans: Dear Anonymous,
The reason to marry for you mainly has been companionship, a mother for your daughter...
And marriage is not a transaction BUT a meeting of minds...when there is no compatibility, there is no space for agreeing on the same things or wanting to make things work which is possibly what has happened with your 2nd and 3rd marriage.
If you want this marriage to work, there has to be an equal commitment by both of you, so, start by emotionally bonding first. Slowly build on this by making goals for the marriage and the future...your only goal can't be mother for your child...not all women are going to readily accept this and some may even falter along the way. Allow the lady and your daughter to bond together for sometime so they develop a unique relationship...
Understand that transactional relationships do not last; so, invest enough time in building trust in that companionship for it to become something meaningful

All the best!
Anu Krishna
Mind Coach|NLP Trainer|Author
Drop in: www.unfear.io
Reach me: Facebook: anukrish07/ AND LinkedIn: anukrishna-joyofserving/

...Read more

Anu

Anu Krishna  |1321 Answers  |Ask -

Relationships Expert, Mind Coach - Answered on Nov 22, 2024

DISCLAIMER: The content of this post by the expert is the personal view of the rediffGURU. Investment in securities market are subject to market risks. Read all the related document carefully before investing. The securities quoted are for illustration only and are not recommendatory. Users are advised to pursue the information provided by the rediffGURU only as a source of information and as a point of reference and to rely on their own judgement when making a decision. RediffGURUS is an intermediary as per India's Information Technology Act.

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