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Ramalingam

Ramalingam Kalirajan  |6971 Answers  |Ask -

Mutual Funds, Financial Planning Expert - Answered on May 07, 2024

Ramalingam Kalirajan has over 23 years of experience in mutual funds and financial planning.
He has an MBA in finance from the University of Madras and is a certified financial planner.
He is the director and chief financial planner at Holistic Investment, a Chennai-based firm that offers financial planning and wealth management advice.... more
Rajib Question by Rajib on Apr 13, 2024Hindi
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Hi myself Rajib and I am 40 yrs old. I want to secure my daughter education and marriage. I want to quote nvest in Mutual Fund. Please suggest which plan is better for me for 10 yrs proposal

Ans: Hello Rajib! It's commendable that you're planning ahead to secure your daughter's education and marriage. Investing in mutual funds can be an effective way to grow your savings over the long term. Considering your investment horizon of 10 years and the financial goals you've mentioned, here are some mutual fund options you may consider:
1. Equity Mutual Funds: Equity mutual funds have the potential to deliver higher returns over the long term compared to other asset classes. Given your investment horizon of 10 years, you may consider investing in a mix of large-cap, mid-cap, and multi-cap equity funds. These funds invest in stocks of companies across different market capitalizations, providing diversification and growth potential.
2. Balanced Advantage Funds: Balanced advantage funds, also known as dynamic asset allocation funds, dynamically manage their equity and debt allocations based on market conditions. These funds aim to provide steady returns with lower volatility compared to pure equity funds. Investing in a balanced advantage fund can offer a balanced approach to growth while managing risk.
3. Index Funds: Index funds passively track a market index such as the Nifty 50 or Sensex. They offer lower expense ratios compared to actively managed funds and can be suitable for investors seeking broad market exposure. Investing in index funds can provide diversification and potentially lower volatility over the long term.
4. Target Date Funds: Target date funds are designed to align with a specific financial goal, such as education or marriage, and automatically adjust the asset allocation over time to become more conservative as the target date approaches. These funds can simplify the investment process and provide a hands-off approach to portfolio management.
When selecting mutual funds for your investment, consider factors such as your risk tolerance, investment goals, and time horizon. It's essential to diversify your investments across multiple funds to spread risk and maximize returns over the long term.
Before making any investment decisions, I recommend consulting with a Certified Financial Planner (CFP) or financial advisor. A professional can assess your specific financial situation, goals, and risk profile and help you create a customized investment plan tailored to your needs. Regularly review your investment portfolio and make adjustments as needed to stay on track towards achieving your daughter's education and marriage goals.
DISCLAIMER: The content of this post by the expert is the personal view of the rediffGURU. Users are advised to pursue the information provided by the rediffGURU only as a source of information to be as a point of reference and to rely on their own judgement when making a decision.
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Ramalingam

Ramalingam Kalirajan  |6971 Answers  |Ask -

Mutual Funds, Financial Planning Expert - Answered on May 29, 2024

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I am 40 years old and looking to create wealth of 60lakhs for my daughters education in next 10years. Can you suggest, any investment plan, to acheive this target. As of now, i am investing in following funds: 1. "SBI Magnum Tax Gain Scheme - Regular Plan - Growth ELSS" - 2000 2. "SBI Blue Chip Fund - Direct Plan - Growth" - 500 3. "UTI Long Term Equity Fund (Tax-Saving)- Direct Growth- ELSS" 3000 4. "UTI Hybrid Equity Fund - Direct Growth Plan" - 1000 5. "UTI Banking PSU Debt Fund" - 2000 6. "ICICI Prudential Value Discovery Fund DIVERSIFIED EQUITY" - 500 7. "DSP blackrock" - 2500 8. "Mirae Asset Emerging BlueChip Fund- Direct Plan - GrowthSmall & MID Cap" - 1000 9. HDFC Top 100 Funds - 3500 Total : 16000 per month. My Investment horizon are for 15 to 20 years. Let me know is this a good fund to continue and should I hold this fund or release it? Also let me know some good fund for 10 to 15 years where I can invest?
Ans: Creating wealth for your daughter's education is a commendable goal. At 40, you have a 10-year investment horizon to achieve this target. Let’s review your current investments and suggest an optimized plan to reach Rs 60 lakhs.

Assessing Your Current Mutual Fund Portfolio
Your portfolio includes a variety of funds: equity, hybrid, and debt. This diversification is a good strategy. However, fine-tuning can help you achieve your specific goal more effectively.

Equity Funds
Equity funds are crucial for long-term growth. They offer higher returns compared to other asset classes. Your portfolio has a mix of large-cap, mid-cap, and diversified equity funds. This mix is suitable for capturing market growth.

Tax-Saving (ELSS) Funds
ELSS funds provide tax benefits under Section 80C. They also offer equity exposure, which is beneficial for long-term goals. Your investments in ELSS funds are a good strategy for tax-efficient growth.

Hybrid Funds
Hybrid funds offer a balance of equity and debt. They provide stability and moderate returns. This is beneficial for risk management.

Debt Funds
Debt funds add stability to your portfolio. They are less volatile and provide steady returns. Including debt funds is wise for balancing overall risk.

Evaluating Direct and Regular Funds
Disadvantages of Direct Funds
Direct funds have lower expense ratios but lack professional guidance. Certified Financial Planners (CFPs) provide valuable insights and strategies tailored to your needs. Investing through a CFP ensures you make informed decisions.

Benefits of Regular Funds Through MFD
Regular funds, managed by Mutual Fund Distributors (MFD) with CFP credentials, offer expert advice. They help you navigate market fluctuations and optimize your portfolio for better returns.

Optimizing Your Portfolio for Rs 60 Lakhs in 10 Years
To achieve Rs 60 lakhs in 10 years, consider these adjustments and additions:

Increase Equity Exposure
Allocate more to equity funds for higher growth potential. Equity funds outperform other asset classes over the long term. Increase your investment in diversified and large-cap equity funds.

Focus on Actively Managed Funds
Actively managed funds adapt to market changes. They aim to outperform benchmarks and provide higher returns. Choose funds with strong track records and experienced fund managers.

Systematic Investment Plans (SIPs)
Continue with SIPs to maintain discipline and average out costs. SIPs are effective for long-term wealth creation and mitigating market volatility.

Lump Sum Investments
If you have a lump sum to invest, use Systematic Transfer Plans (STPs). STPs gradually transfer funds into equity, reducing timing risk and averaging out purchase costs.

Diversify Across Asset Classes
While equity should dominate, maintain some exposure to hybrid and debt funds. This ensures a balanced risk-return profile and provides stability.

Regular Monitoring and Rebalancing
Review your portfolio regularly. Rebalance it to maintain alignment with your goals and risk tolerance. This ensures your investments stay on track.

Suggested Investment Plan
Based on your current investments and the goal of Rs 60 lakhs, consider the following approach:

Equity Funds
Increase your SIPs in diversified and large-cap equity funds. These funds offer higher growth potential and are less volatile than small-cap funds.

Hybrid Funds
Maintain or slightly increase your investment in hybrid funds. They offer stability and moderate returns, balancing your overall portfolio risk.

Debt Funds
Keep a portion in debt funds for safety and steady returns. This can act as a buffer against market downturns.

ELSS Funds
Continue investing in ELSS funds for tax benefits and equity exposure. Ensure these investments align with your overall asset allocation strategy.

Professional Guidance
Seek regular advice from a Certified Financial Planner (CFP). They can provide tailored strategies and help optimize your portfolio based on market conditions and your goals.

Conclusion
Your current portfolio is diversified and suitable for long-term growth. By increasing your equity exposure and focusing on actively managed funds, you can achieve your goal of Rs 60 lakhs in 10 years. Regular monitoring and professional guidance will keep your investments on track.

Best Regards,

K. Ramalingam, MBA, CFP,

Chief Financial Planner,

www.holisticinvestment.in

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Ramalingam

Ramalingam Kalirajan  |6971 Answers  |Ask -

Mutual Funds, Financial Planning Expert - Answered on Jul 22, 2024

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Hello sir I am 36 year old I am dependent only my job I am getting monthly 53k I don't have any EMI and I don't have own house I am paying rent 6000 and my daughter school fees annual 50k sir I am planning to put a mutual fund of money which is better for me please guide me
Ans: You are 36 years old. Your monthly income is Rs 53,000. You have no EMIs and no own house. Your rent is Rs 6,000. Your daughter’s school fees are Rs 50,000 annually.

Importance of Investing in Mutual Funds
Mutual funds can help grow your wealth. They offer professional management and diversification. These features can lead to better returns over time.

Benefits of Actively Managed Funds
Actively managed funds are preferred over index funds. Index funds simply follow the market. This means limited returns.

Disadvantages of Index Funds:

Limited Flexibility: They only follow the index.
No Active Management: No adjustments based on market conditions.
Average Returns: Generally, just follow the market trend.
Advantages of Actively Managed Funds:

Higher Return Potential: Fund managers aim to outperform the market.
Active Adjustments: Portfolio changes based on market trends.
Professional Expertise: Managed by experienced professionals.
Regular Funds vs Direct Funds
Investing through a Certified Financial Planner (CFP) offers many advantages over direct funds.

Disadvantages of Direct Funds:

Lack of Expert Guidance: No professional advice.
Time-Consuming: Requires constant monitoring.
Higher Risk: Without professional insights, risk increases.
Benefits of Regular Funds with CFP:

Professional Advice: Access to expert insights.
Better Decision Making: Informed investment choices.
Regular Monitoring: Constant portfolio reviews and adjustments.
Risk Management: Strategies to mitigate potential risks.
Recommended Investment Strategy
Start with a SIP: Invest a fixed amount monthly.
Diversify: Invest in a mix of large-cap, mid-cap, and small-cap funds.
Long-Term Focus: Aim to invest for at least 10-15 years.
Review Regularly: Monitor performance and adjust as needed.
Steps to Begin
Consult a Certified Financial Planner: Get personalized advice.

Choose Reliable Fund Houses: Ensure they have a good track record.

Start SIP: Automate your monthly investments.

Monitor and Review: Check performance regularly and adjust if necessary.

Financial Planning Tips
Emergency Fund: Keep at least 6 months of expenses as an emergency fund.
Insurance: Ensure you have adequate life and health insurance.
Education Fund: Plan for your daughter’s higher education expenses.
Retirement Planning: Start planning for retirement early.
Final Insights
Investing in mutual funds is a wise decision. Actively managed funds offer better returns than index funds. By investing through a Certified Financial Planner, you get professional advice and regular monitoring. Start with a SIP, diversify your investments, and stay focused on long-term goals. Monitor your investments and adjust as needed for the best results.

Best Regards,

K. Ramalingam, MBA, CFP,

Chief Financial Planner,

www.holisticinvestment.in

..Read more

Ramalingam

Ramalingam Kalirajan  |6971 Answers  |Ask -

Mutual Funds, Financial Planning Expert - Answered on Oct 08, 2024

Asked by Anonymous - Oct 07, 2024Hindi
Money
Hi sir myself Asif 27 years age my salary is 50k monthly in my salary I used to give 20k to my father every month my expenses is around 6k till now my savings is around 1.50lack in savings account and around 1 lakh I have invested in stocks which is now 1lakh 20k I have not invested in mutual funds till now not started suggest me some good mutual funds for a long term of 10years sir and how much should I invest and in which mutal funds and give me a plan of investing for 10years from here thank you sir
Ans: Asif, at 27 years old, you are in a very promising financial situation. With a salary of Rs 50,000 per month and disciplined financial habits, you’re already making important steps towards building wealth.

You’re supporting your father by contributing Rs 20,000 per month, maintaining low personal expenses at Rs 6,000, and you’ve accumulated Rs 1.50 lakh in savings. Additionally, your stock investment of Rs 1 lakh has grown to Rs 1.20 lakh, showing that you are willing to take calculated risks. However, you’ve mentioned that you haven’t yet explored mutual funds. Given your long-term goal of investing for 10 years, we’ll focus on how mutual funds can help you build a strong portfolio while maintaining a balanced risk approach.

Let’s explore a detailed 10-year investment strategy through mutual funds that will not only help you achieve your financial goals but also protect you from market volatility.

Understanding the Importance of Diversification
Before diving into mutual fund recommendations, let’s talk about why diversification is important.

Diversification simply means spreading your investments across different assets or sectors. In your case, it would involve spreading your investments across large-cap, mid-cap, small-cap, and multi-cap/flexi-cap mutual funds. This approach reduces risk while maximising returns by tapping into multiple sectors of the market.

Currently, you have Rs 1.20 lakh in stock market investments. While direct stocks can provide good returns, they can be volatile, and managing them requires time and expertise. Mutual funds, managed by experienced fund managers, allow you to invest in a basket of stocks, reducing risk and saving you from the hassle of individual stock selection.

Savings and Investment Potential
Now, let’s look at your savings potential.

Monthly Salary: Rs 50,000
Monthly Contribution to Father: Rs 20,000
Monthly Expenses: Rs 6,000
After accounting for these commitments, you’re left with around Rs 24,000 per month in disposable income. Ideally, a portion of this should go into savings and investments. Based on your current situation, I recommend investing Rs 15,000 per month into mutual funds.

This allocation will allow you to maintain some liquidity while aggressively building a solid investment portfolio for the future.

Ideal Investment Strategy for the Next 10 Years
The key to building wealth is consistent investing over time, with a focus on growth while managing risk. Since you are young and have a 10-year horizon, you can afford to take a balanced approach—investing in funds that offer high growth potential but also ensure some stability.

Step 1: Set a Monthly SIP Target
Given that you have Rs 24,000 left after expenses, I suggest starting with Rs 15,000 in monthly SIPs (Systematic Investment Plans). This will leave you with Rs 9,000 for other short-term savings or emergencies.

Step 2: Diversify Across Mutual Funds
Here’s a suggested allocation for your Rs 15,000 monthly SIP. These allocations are designed to balance growth with risk.

Large-Cap Mutual Fund: Rs 5,000 per month Large-cap funds invest in well-established companies with a proven track record. These companies tend to be more stable and less volatile, making them ideal for long-term investors who want to mitigate risk while still earning returns.

Mid-Cap Mutual Fund: Rs 4,000 per month Mid-cap funds invest in companies that are smaller than large-caps but still have significant growth potential. These companies have the potential to grow faster, though they are slightly riskier than large-cap stocks.

Small-Cap Mutual Fund: Rs 3,000 per month Small-cap funds target smaller companies with high growth potential. While these funds can be volatile, they also have the potential for significant gains over the long term. Since you have a 10-year horizon, you can afford to take on some risk with small-caps.

Multi-Cap/Flexi-Cap Fund: Rs 3,000 per month Multi-cap or flexi-cap funds invest across large-cap, mid-cap, and small-cap companies, providing diversification within a single fund. This category of funds adjusts to market conditions and balances growth with risk, making it an excellent choice for long-term wealth creation.

Step 3: Review and Adjust
Review your portfolio every 6 months: The financial market is dynamic, and mutual fund performance can vary. Reviewing your portfolio periodically ensures that your investments are aligned with your goals.

Increase SIP contributions yearly: As your income increases, you should aim to increase your SIP contributions by 10-15% each year. For example, if you are investing Rs 15,000 per month in Year 1, aim to increase it to Rs 16,500 in Year 2. This will significantly boost your corpus over time.

Why Avoid Index Funds
While index funds are often seen as low-cost investment options, they might not be the best fit for you in this situation. Index funds track the performance of market indices like the Nifty 50 or Sensex. The downside is that these funds cannot outperform the market—they simply follow it.

Actively managed funds, on the other hand, are managed by fund managers who make strategic decisions to beat the market and protect against downturns. Over the long term, actively managed funds have the potential to offer better returns compared to index funds. Hence, for a young investor like you with a 10-year horizon, actively managed funds are a better choice.

Long-Term Wealth Creation Through SIPs
SIPs are a powerful tool for long-term wealth creation. By investing regularly, you benefit from rupee cost averaging, which helps you buy more units when prices are low and fewer units when prices are high. Over time, this evens out the cost and increases your returns.

SIPs also benefit from compounding. The returns generated by your investment are reinvested, leading to exponential growth over time. Given your 10-year horizon, compounding can significantly enhance your wealth.

Additional Considerations for Financial Growth
1. Emergency Fund
Before diving fully into long-term investments, it’s crucial to set aside an emergency fund. This fund should cover at least 6 months’ worth of expenses. Based on your current monthly expenses (Rs 6,000), plus Rs 20,000 for your father, you should aim to save around Rs 1.5 lakh in a separate liquid fund or savings account.

This emergency fund will act as a financial cushion in case of unforeseen circumstances such as medical emergencies or temporary loss of income. With this safety net, you can invest confidently without worrying about liquidity.

2. Tax-Saving Instruments
Consider investing in tax-saving mutual funds like Equity Linked Savings Scheme (ELSS). ELSS funds allow you to claim deductions under Section 80C of the Income Tax Act, up to Rs 1.5 lakh per year. These funds come with a lock-in period of three years but offer both tax benefits and long-term capital appreciation.

3. Avoid Direct Mutual Funds
Direct mutual funds seem attractive because of their lower expense ratios. However, managing investments on your own can be challenging, especially when the market is volatile. A better approach is to go through regular plans by investing through a Certified Financial Planner (CFP) or a Mutual Fund Distributor (MFD). A professional can offer tailored advice, monitor your portfolio, and rebalance it periodically to ensure that it aligns with your goals.

4. Insurance Planning
At this stage, you haven’t mentioned any life or health insurance. It’s essential to get adequate term insurance and health insurance. Term insurance provides financial protection to your family in case of any unfortunate event. The policy coverage should be at least 10-15 times your annual income.

Health insurance is equally important. Given the rising cost of healthcare, a comprehensive health plan for yourself and your father is necessary. The premiums are relatively low at your age and will provide much-needed financial relief in case of medical emergencies.

Why Mutual Funds Work for Long-Term Goals
Professional Management:
Fund managers actively manage mutual funds, ensuring that your investments are strategically allocated to maximise returns.

Diversification:
Mutual funds spread your investment across a wide range of stocks and sectors, minimising the risk compared to direct stock investments.

Systematic Growth:
With SIPs, you can systematically invest small amounts every month, benefiting from rupee cost averaging and compounding.

Tax Efficiency:
Equity mutual funds held for more than a year enjoy favourable tax treatment, with long-term capital gains (LTCG) taxed at a lower rate.

Finally: A 360-Degree Approach to Wealth Building
Stick to your investment plan:
Consistency is key. Invest Rs 15,000 per month across diversified funds. Increase the amount by 10-15% each year.

Build an emergency fund:
Set aside Rs 1.5 lakh for emergencies. This will protect you from liquidity issues and provide peace of mind.

Review and rebalance:
Every 6 months, review your portfolio to ensure it aligns with your long-term goals.

Consider insurance:
Term insurance and health insurance are essential safeguards for both you and your family.

By following this 10-year plan, you will not only grow your wealth but also safeguard your financial future. Stick to disciplined investing, review regularly, and seek advice from a Certified Financial Planner to ensure that you are on track.

Best Regards,
K. Ramalingam, MBA, CFP,
Chief Financial Planner,
www.holisticinvestment.in
https://www.holisticinvestment.in/
https://www.youtube.com/@HolisticInvestment

..Read more

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Hi Madam, I'm 60,retired, my wife is 47, our son is 23. I had love marriage and was leading a happy married life. Just after silver jubilee of our wedding anniversary I accidentally came to know that my wife is madly in love with one of our common married friend who runs a simple shop. Upon investigation I found that they are in relation for last 12 years and were enjoying sex in my own house for such a long time. He hails from an uneducated family and is not even cultured. I could not believe that the wife of a highly educated socially respected man could do this with a shopkeeper who does not have any socio economic status. I am living a normal life with my wife for the sake of our only child. Once he settles in life I have decided to end my life. Ofcourse I still love her as ours was a love marriage. I seek your wise suggestion in this regard, should I divorce her or live a normal life that we are doing?
Ans: Dear Shristi,
It is obviously very shocking for you to know that things have been happening behind your back.
Now, how you want this to move on from here on, is a decision only you must make! Have you had a chat with your wife about the association that she has with the other person? Does she know that you know about it?
If she doesn't, then you need to make her aware and yes, do ask her whether she is interested at all in the marriage. That will give you an idea as to whether things are worth fighting for or is it best to walk away!

All the best!
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Drop in: www.unfear.io
Reach me: Facebook: anukrish07/ AND LinkedIn: anukrishna-joyofserving/

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Relationships Expert, Mind Coach - Answered on Nov 05, 2024

Asked by Anonymous - Nov 03, 2024Hindi
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Hello madam I a 32 year old married man with a kid , who is 6 years old. I have done arrange marriage with my own decision I agreed to my parents for the marrige at that time I was in a casual relationship with a girl I didn't said anything to the girl and get married to someone else. After that I tried to live a happay life with my wife without thinking about the girl whom I left behind, from outside I tried to be happy with my wife but my wife thought doesn't matches with me so I felt so disturbed from inside. Still I was trying to continue the relationship for sake of our child but suddenly I got my ex love contact and I was so happy that after so long time I got a chance to talk to her, I have tried to meet her but she always refused to meet me because she was in a relationship. I tried many times and due to some misconduct I again lost her for the second time. At this moment when she is not with me her thoughts memories are troubling me so much I am in pain, what am I suppose to do to get rid of the pain?? Please help
Ans: Dear Anonymous,
There is no point wanting a 'past' relationship just because you have one...what if that relationship did not exist, you would have possibly made efforts to make your marriage work, right?
Then do just that...DO NOT treat your marriage as an option...which marriage is a perfect one? And are all spouses tailor-made to fit one another?
So, if her thoughts don't match with yours, then even yours don't match with hers...so, should she also think of jumping into some other relationship. Please act mature about this especially with a child in the entire equation; try and understand each other...speak about your differences and find ways of working on them by accepting them. Ex-love etc looks all very nice, but come down to ground reality; please...work on your marriage!

All the best!
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Drop in: www.unfear.io
Reach me: Facebook: anukrish07/ AND LinkedIn: anukrishna-joyofserving/

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Dating, Relationships Expert - Answered on Nov 05, 2024

Asked by Anonymous - Sep 15, 2024Hindi
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I am 50 years old and got married 15 years ago. I am a very spontaneous sort of a guy and enjoy life, partying etc. I was also very active socially.My wife being the complete opposite put a stop to all that once we got married. She also does not display any affection and has no interest in physical intimacy. She is just concerned with her housework.We also have lot of differences in mental attitude & intellectual abilities. At no stage will we ever seperate, however, I am unhappy with her nature. She has lot of friends, however is always at daggers drawn with in her in laws. We had to stay separately for 6 months, and I tried looking for love else where, however after a couple of months, I realised, that I missed her. I am in a quandary. Despite requesting her to work on our relationship, I get no response. Please advise on how to proceed.
Ans: Dear Anonymous,
I understand you are in a tough spot. But it's nice to see that after all those years of differences, you still have genuine feelings for her. I strongly suggest considering marriage counseling. From your description of your marriage, it seems to be there have been issues from the very beginning of it. It's been too long and now those issues must've become deep-rooted. Seeing a professional can be a game-changer. They can guide you out of this slump more methodically and help you navigate the emotions you are feeling right now. It can also help you understand the reasons for your wife's disinterest and handle it better.

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Ravi Mittal  |395 Answers  |Ask -

Dating, Relationships Expert - Answered on Nov 05, 2024

Asked by Anonymous - Nov 02, 2024Hindi
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Hii, I have an love marriage after 9 years of dating and 6 years, 2 children post marriage, my little one is 11 months old now. My husband has an affair upto chatting to someone in his company, his junior but in different department, when my Lil one was 1 month old, we had in a rough patch then due to child birth and family drama. When I saw it and confronted him, he said he is sorry and won't do it again, we had multiple fights for 3-4 months after then due to same reason, but he mostly listen and consol. It's been a lot of mental torture for me. I love my husband a lot and he is a good person, but sometimes sill I see her msg in his phone asking for small helps or casual msg. She is also married. I am not sure my husband deletes msg or what, I am not able to get over this. Before it, this is was preety much a good relationship. I am highly educated and independent women. I don't want anything form my husband apart from love. What should I do, whenever I tell him I want to just leave and let him have his life, he won't let me somehow. We are having a good physical relationship 2-4 times a week( just to tell where we are). Please help me...I can't overcome that he is making fool of me...
Ans: Dear Anonymous,
I am sorry to hear you are in such a tough spot. I would suggest considering marriage counseling. A professional who can help you both tackle these issues would be helpful in this situation. I understand that it was his mistake and he needs to put the effort to make you trust him again, but since you are still together, you will also have to put in the effort to let it. I know it is difficult and that's where marriage counselor comes in. They can help you navigate these feelings. Moreover, if he is indeed hiding something, therapy can help that come out in the open.

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Dating, Relationships Expert - Answered on Nov 05, 2024

Asked by Anonymous - Sep 10, 2024Hindi
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Relationship
Hi, Me(M38) and wife(F37) happily married for 12 years and blessed with one daughter. Partner(F28)continuing friendship with a person[M] who had crush on her before marriage considered emotional infidelity? Me(M38) and wife(F37) happily married for 12 years and blessed with one daughter. My wife is having friendship (strictly platonic) with a guy from her 10tlh grade (same class). Before our marriage (she may be doing her college, our relationship just started may be 2 weeks) this guy told her he has genuine interest in her and he want to take the relationship further if she wants, she said she is not interested in a relationship and she got committed, she always saw him as a friend, no other feelings for him and we can be friends if you don't bring any romantic interest again. He never took this talk again ever after and happy to be a friend. They are talking as friends. She got married to me. He also got married. They still do chats once in a month. She introduced me to him and visited his home when we visited his city. He also came to our home once (me and my family was there). She used to update me with chat she had with him and the content they are chatting. I am ok with that When we were talking about our school life and college life 2 years before. She said this guy had crush on her during her college days. I asked her, why did not she tell me this info till now. She said it is not purposely, she does not feel the need to do as the person is not in-appropriate with her and continuing as good friend as promised after she rejected his proposal. I don’t want to create any unnecessary issues as I don’t have any felling or so with him. That time I checked their chats completely, it’s about update about their common friends, their recent travel, their job, meditation courses and the books they read recently. I haven’t seen any flirting or romantic message from either of them. So I am perfectly fine with it and had no problems. I recently came to know about the concept of emotional cheating which is very new to me. Before that cheating to me is only flirting, sexeting and physical sex. I have asked for advice in redddit.com in infedility sub forum about emotional cheating/ emotion affair. There persons are advising like even having friendship with someone who had crush on you is emotional cheating as it is indirectly leading them on you. So with an omission of lie he had crush on her and indirectly leading him on you wife was emotionally cheating on you. This is very much equal to cheating. I do have lots of friends in other gender, but no one had crush on me. Does this count as emotional cheating/affair as she did not mention he had crush on her before marriage? I am little depressed and not able to spend quality time with my wife who is in postpartum depression and take care of our daughter properly as before. Do you guys advise me how to navigate this situation?
Ans: Dear Anonymous,
Are you really going to ruin your happy relationship based on some new term you have learned recently? Emotional cheating and many more terms of the kind will come and go, what truly matters is the truth. She is merely friends with this guy and for your peace of mind, you have even checked their conversations- what part of it looks like cheating to you? If tomorrow, some random person projecting their own insecurities claims that a man speaking to a woman is some "new form" of cheating, would you start believing that? My point is that these are just random opinions of some people- it isn't the ultimate truth. The entire context matters. This man had a crush on your wife, she rejected it, and now they are just friends. I find absolutely no misconduct or infidelity in this. The fact that none of your friends had a crush on you does not factor in at all. Moreover, your wife is in postpartum depression- that should be your biggest concern but here you are, giving more importance to the random 2 AM thoughts of some people you don't even know. Please rethink if you are being fair to your wife- the mother of your child.

Best Wishes

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