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Ulhas

Ulhas Joshi  |279 Answers  |Ask -

Mutual Fund Expert - Answered on May 24, 2023

With over 16 years of experience in the mutual fund industry, Ulhas Joshi has helped numerous clients choose the right funds and create wealth.
Prior to joining RankMF as CEO, he was vice president (sales) at IDBI Asset Management Ltd.
Joshi holds an MBA in marketing from Barkatullah University, Bhopal.... more
Nagarajan Question by Nagarajan on May 23, 2023Hindi
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Good morning Joshiji, My son, who is 30 years now, will be completing his PG in medical course. Possibilities are bright to get absorbed in reputed medical field and initially may get around 80K/month as salary. He intends to have a corpus of 1 crore in 7-10 years. If so, how much should he invest every month and in which category of Mutual fund which have easier redemption possibilities at the time of necessity. Thanks in anticipation. I am MN Rajan, his father.

Ans: Hello Nagarajan Ji! Thank you for writing to me. A hearty congratulations to You and Your Family!

For him to create a corpus of Rs.1 Crore in 7 years, he will need to invest around Rs.78,000 per month and to create a corpus of 1 Crore in 10 years, he will need to invest Rs.45,000 every month.

He can consider investing in a mix of mutual fund types like:

1-Small & Mid Cap Funds (Around 30% weight)
2-Multi Asset Funds (Around 20% weight)
3-Aggressive Hybrid Funds (Around 30% weight)
4-Flexicap Funds (Around 20% weight)

Annually steeping up his SIP will help him create the Rs.1 Crore corpus faster.
DISCLAIMER: The content of this post by the expert is the personal view of the rediffGURU. Users are advised to pursue the information provided by the rediffGURU only as a source of information to be as a point of reference and to rely on their own judgement when making a decision.
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Ramalingam

Ramalingam Kalirajan  |7336 Answers  |Ask -

Mutual Funds, Financial Planning Expert - Answered on May 27, 2024

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Sir, my son is 26 years old. I would like to invest 5000/- per month in mutual fund and to be continued upto 50 years . Plz suggest suitable Mutual Fund with distribution of 5000/-. Is Index fund is good for investment ? Plz advise. rgds, Goutam
Ans: Investing for Long-Term Growth: A Comprehensive Guide

Understanding Your Investment Goals
Goutam, it's wonderful to see your commitment to your son's future. Investing Rs 5,000 per month until he is 50 years old is a prudent decision. This long-term horizon can yield significant growth through the power of compounding.

Evaluating Mutual Fund Options
Importance of Diversification
Diversification is key to managing risk and optimizing returns. Investing in different types of mutual funds can provide a balanced portfolio that captures various growth opportunities.

Equity Funds
Equity funds invest primarily in stocks. They offer high growth potential, which is ideal for long-term goals. Despite their volatility, the long-term horizon helps to smooth out short-term fluctuations.

Balanced Funds
Balanced funds invest in both equities and debt instruments. They offer a mix of growth and stability, making them a good choice for those who prefer moderate risk.

Debt Funds
Debt funds invest in fixed-income securities like bonds. They provide stable returns with lower risk compared to equity funds. Including a small portion of debt funds can add stability to the portfolio.

Benefits of Actively Managed Funds
Professional Management
Actively managed funds are managed by professional fund managers who make strategic decisions based on market research. They aim to outperform the market, providing higher returns.

Flexibility and Adaptability
Actively managed funds can adjust their portfolio in response to market conditions. This flexibility allows them to capitalize on opportunities and manage risks effectively.

Drawbacks of Index Funds
Average Market Returns
Index funds aim to match the performance of a market index. They provide average market returns, which can be limiting for long-term growth.

Lack of Professional Management
Index funds lack active management. They don't adapt to market changes, potentially missing out on opportunities for higher returns. Actively managed funds, on the other hand, leverage expert insights to maximize gains.

Recommended Mutual Fund Distribution
Equity Fund Allocation
Consider allocating Rs 3,000 per month to equity funds. This allocation taps into the growth potential of stocks. Diversifying within equity funds (large-cap, mid-cap, and small-cap) can further optimize returns.

Balanced Fund Allocation
Allocate Rs 1,000 per month to balanced funds. This provides a mix of growth and stability, reducing overall portfolio risk while capturing market growth.

Debt Fund Allocation
Invest Rs 1,000 per month in debt funds. This adds stability to your portfolio, ensuring some portion of your investments remains relatively safe from market volatility.

Importance of Regular Monitoring
Periodic Portfolio Review
Regularly reviewing your portfolio is crucial. Market conditions and personal circumstances change over time. Periodic reviews help ensure your investments remain aligned with your goals.

Rebalancing
Rebalancing your portfolio maintains your desired asset allocation. It involves adjusting your investments to restore the original balance, optimizing your portfolio's performance.

Building an Emergency Fund
Financial Security
Before committing to long-term investments, ensure an adequate emergency fund. This fund should cover at least six months of living expenses. It provides a financial cushion, preventing the need to liquidate investments prematurely.

Understanding Tax Implications
Tax Efficiency
Understanding tax implications helps in maximizing returns. Some mutual funds offer tax benefits, enhancing post-tax returns. Consulting a tax expert or a Certified Financial Planner (CFP) can help optimize your investment strategy.

Conclusion
Goutam, your plan to invest Rs 5,000 per month for your son shows great foresight. A well-diversified portfolio with a focus on actively managed funds can maximize growth while managing risk. Regular reviews and professional guidance will ensure your investments remain aligned with your goals.

Best Regards,

K. Ramalingam, MBA, CFP,

Chief Financial Planner,

www.holisticinvestment.in

..Read more

Ramalingam

Ramalingam Kalirajan  |7336 Answers  |Ask -

Mutual Funds, Financial Planning Expert - Answered on Jun 03, 2024

Money
Dear Sir, I find your suggestions very effective. This is for my son who is 31 years old and works as a Manager in a leading IT Company. His CTC is approx. Rs. 35 lakhs per annum . His wife is also working. At present they have no kids. We are a joint family and live in our own flat . He is having EMI of only Rs 13,000/- till 2025 December and want to invest about 50,000/- ( fifty thousand )per month in Mutual Fund for a long term period of 15-20 years. Can you kindly advice so that a good corpus is created by 20 years. At present they have some investment in Gold EFT & stocks. ( around 5 lakhs). Best Regards, UKM
Ans: Dear UKM,

Thank you for sharing details about your son’s financial situation. Your son’s proactive approach to investing is commendable. Creating a long-term investment strategy will help him build a substantial corpus over the next 15-20 years.

With a monthly investment of Rs 50,000, a disciplined approach will ensure he achieves his financial goals. Let’s explore the best way to allocate his investments in mutual funds for maximum growth and stability.

Evaluating Current Financial Position
Your son has a stable job with a CTC of Rs 35 lakhs per annum. His wife is also employed, and they have no children at present. They live in a joint family-owned flat, which reduces housing costs. The EMI of Rs 13,000 till December 2025 is manageable.

His current investments in Gold ETFs and stocks amount to Rs 5 lakhs. These provide some diversification and a good start.

Benefits of Mutual Fund Investments
Investing in mutual funds offers several advantages:

Professional Management: Fund managers use their expertise to select and manage a diversified portfolio.

Diversification: Mutual funds spread investments across various assets, reducing risk.

Liquidity: Mutual funds can be easily converted to cash.

Flexibility: Investors can choose from a wide range of funds to suit their risk appetite.

Disadvantages of Index Funds
Index funds track market indices and lack active management. They mirror the market’s performance, which can be limiting. Active fund managers strive to outperform the market, providing the potential for higher returns. This adaptability is particularly beneficial in volatile markets.

Benefits of Actively Managed Funds
Actively managed funds offer:

Expertise: Fund managers actively select and manage investments to outperform the market.

Risk Management: Active funds can adjust holdings based on market conditions, potentially reducing risk.

Higher Returns: With skilled management, actively managed funds often aim for superior returns.

Direct vs. Regular Mutual Funds
Direct mutual funds have lower expense ratios but require investor expertise. Regular mutual funds, managed through a Certified Financial Planner (CFP), provide professional guidance. The additional cost of regular funds is justified by the expertise and peace of mind they offer.

Creating a Balanced Portfolio
To build a robust corpus over 15-20 years, a balanced portfolio with equity and debt mutual funds is recommended. Equity funds offer growth potential, while debt funds provide stability and reduce overall risk.

Systematic Investment Plan (SIP)
A SIP in mutual funds helps in rupee cost averaging and disciplined investing. Investing Rs 50,000 per month through SIPs in diversified equity mutual funds can leverage the power of compounding.

Suggested Asset Allocation
Based on your son’s risk profile and investment horizon, the following allocation is advisable:

70% in Equity Mutual Funds: For growth potential over the long term.

30% in Debt Mutual Funds: For stability and risk mitigation.

Equity Mutual Funds
Equity mutual funds can be further diversified into:

Large-Cap Funds: Invest in well-established companies with stable returns.

Mid-Cap Funds: Offer higher growth potential but with increased volatility.

Small-Cap Funds: High growth potential with higher risk.

Sectoral/Thematic Funds: Focus on specific sectors or themes with potential for high returns.

Debt Mutual Funds
Debt mutual funds can be diversified into:

Short-Term Debt Funds: Provide liquidity and lower interest rate risk.

Corporate Bond Funds: Invest in high-rated corporate bonds for stable returns.

Government Bond Funds: Offer safety and moderate returns.

Monitoring and Rebalancing
Regular monitoring and rebalancing of the portfolio are crucial. This ensures the investments align with your son’s financial goals and risk tolerance. A CFP can provide valuable insights and make necessary adjustments.

Tax Planning
Mutual funds offer tax-efficient investment options. Equity funds held for more than one year qualify for long-term capital gains tax at 10% on gains exceeding Rs 1 lakh. Debt funds held for more than three years qualify for long-term capital gains tax at 20% with indexation benefits.

Emergency Fund
An emergency fund equivalent to six months’ expenses should be maintained. This ensures financial stability during unforeseen circumstances and prevents the need to liquidate long-term investments.

Insurance Coverage
Adequate life and health insurance coverage are essential. This protects against financial risks and ensures peace of mind.

Additional Considerations
Your son’s EMI will end in December 2025. Post-EMI, this amount can be redirected towards investments, increasing the monthly SIP amount. Regular increments in income can also be partially allocated to SIPs, accelerating corpus growth.

Summary of Action Plan
Invest Rs 50,000 per month in mutual funds via SIPs.

Allocate 70% to equity mutual funds for growth.

Allocate 30% to debt mutual funds for stability.

Regularly monitor and rebalance the portfolio with a CFP’s guidance.

Maintain an emergency fund for financial stability.

Ensure adequate insurance coverage.

By following this plan, your son can build a substantial corpus over 15-20 years, ensuring financial security and growth.

Best Regards,

K. Ramalingam, MBA, CFP

Chief Financial Planner,

www.holisticinvestment.in

..Read more

Ramalingam

Ramalingam Kalirajan  |7336 Answers  |Ask -

Mutual Funds, Financial Planning Expert - Answered on Jun 04, 2024

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Sir I.am 54 yesrs , my son going abroad for studies 2 years , want atleast 250000 per month for him Was having office from 20 yrs which was on rent and i use to get not more than 35000 per month after tds abd maintenance, so sold that now worried as fd gives very less returns Thinking for mutual fund but worried At present have one od account too where can manage his studies, but office sell pymt 1 cr want some good returns so that can return at the end to od act Please help
Ans: Understanding Your Financial Needs
You are 54 years old, and your son is going abroad for studies.

You need Rs. 2,50,000 per month for the next two years for his education.

You sold your office property and have Rs. 1 crore.

You aim to invest this amount to get good returns.

You also have an overdraft (OD) account to manage expenses temporarily.

Evaluating Investment Options
Fixed Deposits (FDs)
Fixed Deposits are safe but offer low returns.

They provide guaranteed returns but may not meet your monthly needs.

FDs are suitable for conservative investors but might not generate sufficient monthly income.

Mutual Funds
Mutual funds can offer higher returns compared to FDs.

Equity mutual funds have potential for growth but carry higher risk.

Debt mutual funds are less risky and provide moderate returns.

Balanced or hybrid mutual funds invest in both equity and debt, balancing risk and return.

Creating a Balanced Investment Plan
To achieve your financial goals, consider a balanced investment plan.

This can include a mix of mutual funds and fixed deposits.

The goal is to generate monthly income while preserving capital.

Monthly Income from Investments
You need Rs. 2,50,000 per month for your son's education.

This translates to Rs. 30,00,000 annually.

Let's explore how to achieve this through investments.

Systematic Withdrawal Plan (SWP)
A Systematic Withdrawal Plan (SWP) from mutual funds can provide regular income.

SWP allows you to withdraw a fixed amount periodically.

This can help in generating the required monthly income.

Equity Mutual Funds
Equity mutual funds can offer higher returns.

They invest in stocks and have potential for capital appreciation.

However, they come with higher risk due to market volatility.

Debt Mutual Funds
Debt mutual funds invest in fixed income securities like bonds.

They are less risky and provide stable returns.

Debt funds can be a good option for generating regular income.

Creating a Diversified Portfolio
Diversification helps in balancing risk and return.

Consider investing in a mix of equity and debt mutual funds.

A balanced portfolio can provide growth potential and stability.

Emergency Fund
Keep a portion of your funds as an emergency reserve.

This ensures liquidity for unforeseen expenses.

An emergency fund provides financial security and peace of mind.

Consulting a Certified Financial Planner
Consider consulting a Certified Financial Planner (CFP).

A CFP can provide personalized advice based on your financial goals.

They can help create a comprehensive investment strategy.

Tax Efficiency
Tax planning is crucial to maximize returns.

Invest in tax-efficient instruments to reduce tax liability.

Consult a CFP for tailored tax-saving strategies.

Monitoring and Reviewing Investments
Regularly monitor your investments.

Review your portfolio to ensure it aligns with your goals.

Adjust investments based on market conditions and financial needs.

Calculating Required Returns
To generate Rs. 2,50,000 per month, let's calculate the required returns.

Assuming a 10% annual return, calculate the monthly withdrawal amount.

Creating a SWP Plan
Set up a SWP from mutual funds to get the required monthly income.

Choose a mix of equity and debt funds to balance risk and return.

Review the SWP plan periodically.

Balancing Risk and Return
Assess your risk tolerance before investing.

Equity investments have higher risk but potential for higher returns.

Debt investments are safer but offer lower returns.

Benefits of a Diversified Portfolio
A diversified portfolio reduces risk and enhances stability.

Investing in a mix of asset classes balances potential returns.

Diversification is key to a successful investment strategy.

Conclusion
At 54, planning for your son's education is critical.

A balanced investment strategy can help generate the required monthly income.

Consider a mix of mutual funds and fixed deposits.

Consult a Certified Financial Planner for personalized advice.

Regularly review and adjust your investments to stay on track.

Best Regards,

K. Ramalingam, MBA, CFP,

Chief Financial Planner,

www.holisticinvestment.in

..Read more

Ramalingam

Ramalingam Kalirajan  |7336 Answers  |Ask -

Mutual Funds, Financial Planning Expert - Answered on Oct 14, 2024

Asked by Anonymous - Oct 12, 2024Hindi
Money
Hi I wanted to build big corpus for my disabled son who is 3 years old. He don't want work or struggle in his life after my death. I want to invest my life time savings of 60 lacs in lump sum in below mutual fund schemes. And then continue the SIP in all the funds for next 25 years. Please let me know whether I am on right path. 1. ICICI prudential nifty 50 index fund direct growth 2. Parag parikh flexi cap fund direct growth 3. Nippon India small cap fund direct growth 4. ICICI value discovery fund direct growth 5. Quant Midcap fund My combined salary income from my wife and myself is 2.4 lacs we are of same age 33 and mothly expense is around 1 lac. For my retirement I have small agricultural land current worth of 1 crore at present, other savings like ppf, pf, gold , 60 lacs at present and I am going to sell it off all these after 25 years for the retirement expenses for myself and my wife. Above mutual fund money is only for my son . hope my fund selection and above plan is good one .please suggest
Ans: First of all, it’s truly admirable that you are planning for your son’s financial security well in advance. Your goals of building a sizeable corpus for your son, without him having to worry about his future, are heartfelt and achievable with proper planning.

Your combined salary of Rs. 2.4 lakh per month and monthly expenses of Rs. 1 lakh give you a comfortable margin for savings. The fact that you are focused on using your Rs. 60 lakh life savings for your son’s future and keeping the agricultural land for your retirement shows that you are clear about your objectives.

However, there are a few things to reassess in your current plan, particularly regarding your fund selection and the potential risks involved.

Reassessing Index Fund Investments
While it may seem that investing in index funds like the ICICI Prudential Nifty 50 Index Fund Direct Growth can give you exposure to the top companies in the country, this approach has certain limitations.

Disadvantages of Index Funds:

Lack of Flexibility: Index funds are passively managed and follow the market index. They cannot adapt quickly during market downturns. So, when markets fall, the fund's value can drop significantly.

No Outperformance: Index funds only aim to replicate the market performance. They don’t strive to beat the market, which can limit the potential for higher returns over time, especially over a long horizon of 25 years. In contrast, actively managed funds can outperform during bullish markets and provide better returns.

No Cushion in Bear Markets: Actively managed funds can cushion market falls by allocating resources into safer stocks or sectors when the market sentiment turns negative. Index funds, on the other hand, have to follow the index, regardless of the market situation.

Assessing Direct Funds
Direct plans of mutual funds usually have lower expense ratios than regular plans, which can translate to slightly better returns. However, there are some disadvantages, especially for long-term and large goals like the one you have for your son.

Disadvantages of Direct Funds:

No Professional Guidance: Direct plans leave you on your own to decide where and how much to invest. While this may seem cost-effective, over 25 years, professional guidance from a Certified Financial Planner (CFP) can be invaluable, especially in dealing with changing market conditions or rebalancing your portfolio.

Difficulties in Managing Portfolio: With multiple direct funds, it can become overwhelming to manage and track the performance of each one. A Certified Financial Planner can help you rebalance your portfolio periodically, ensure proper diversification, and adjust investments based on life changes or market conditions.

Potential to Miss Out on Opportunities: A qualified financial planner can identify growth opportunities, new funds, or even better-performing funds, which may be missed when managing investments independently.

Active Funds as a Preferred Choice
To build a big corpus over a long period of 25 years, actively managed mutual funds tend to perform better than index funds due to the expertise of fund managers in stock selection and timing the market cycles. Here’s why:

Better Returns Potential: Active funds, especially those with a strong track record, aim to outperform the market. Over a long period, this outperformance can result in significantly larger corpus compared to index funds.

Flexibility in Stock Selection: Fund managers can pick and choose stocks that are expected to outperform based on market conditions, industry trends, or specific company performance, which is crucial for long-term wealth creation.

Tactical Rebalancing: Active funds adjust their allocations depending on market cycles and economic changes, which can reduce downside risk and enhance returns.

Evaluating Your Fund Selection
Let’s now evaluate the current funds you’ve chosen for your son’s corpus and retirement goals.

1. Parag Parikh Flexi Cap Fund
Suitability: This fund provides exposure to both domestic and international markets, giving you good diversification. It’s an actively managed fund, and flexi-cap funds can adjust between large, mid, and small-cap stocks based on market conditions.

Risk & Return: The fund can offer strong returns over the long term but has higher volatility than pure large-cap funds. Given your 25-year horizon, this volatility can be managed.

2. Nippon India Small Cap Fund
Suitability: Small-cap funds have the potential for high growth but are also very volatile. Over a 25-year period, these funds can generate strong returns, but they come with the risk of significant fluctuations in the short term.

Risk & Return: Small-cap funds are best suited for aggressive investors with a long-term horizon, like you. However, consider limiting the allocation to small-cap funds due to their high-risk nature.

3. ICICI Value Discovery Fund
Suitability: This fund follows a value-investing approach, which aims to pick undervalued stocks with strong long-term growth potential. This can be a good complement to your portfolio.

Risk & Return: It’s a well-diversified fund that balances risk and reward, and can be part of your portfolio for stable, long-term growth.

4. Quant Midcap Fund
Suitability: Mid-cap funds strike a balance between risk and return. They have more growth potential than large-caps but are less risky than small-caps.

Risk & Return: Over 25 years, mid-cap funds can be a strong contributor to wealth creation. However, like small-cap funds, they are subject to short-term volatility.

Suggested Portfolio Strategy
Given your plan to secure your son’s financial future, you need a well-diversified portfolio that balances growth and risk. Here’s a more balanced approach to your investment strategy:

Recommended Portfolio:

Large-Cap and Flexi-Cap Funds (40%): These funds will provide stability and steady returns over the long term. While large-cap funds focus on blue-chip stocks, flexi-cap funds provide flexibility across all market capitalizations.

Mid-Cap Funds (30%): These funds are ideal for long-term growth and will help boost the overall corpus. However, keep the allocation to a moderate level to balance the risk.

Small-Cap Funds (20%): Small-cap funds can offer explosive growth potential over 25 years but are risky in the short term. Keep this allocation limited to avoid exposing the entire corpus to high risk.

Balanced or Hybrid Funds (10%): To add some stability to your portfolio, consider adding balanced funds that invest in both equity and debt. This will help protect against extreme volatility while providing moderate growth.

SIPs for Long-Term Growth
Since you are also planning to continue with Systematic Investment Plans (SIPs) for the next 25 years, you are on the right track. SIPs will help in averaging the purchase price of units and reduce the risk of investing lump sums at market peaks.

Benefits of SIP:

Rupee Cost Averaging: SIPs ensure you are investing across market cycles, averaging out the purchase price over time.

Disciplined Investment: Regular investments over 25 years will help you accumulate a significant corpus without the emotional burden of market timing.

Retirement Planning for You and Your Wife
Although your focus is currently on securing your son’s financial future, it’s also essential to review your retirement planning. While you have an agricultural land worth Rs. 1 crore, relying entirely on it for retirement could be risky due to market and valuation changes in the future.

Consider diversifying your retirement savings into liquid assets like mutual funds and other safer instruments. A combination of equity and debt mutual funds for retirement can provide stability and growth over time.

Final Insights
You have taken excellent steps toward ensuring financial security for your disabled son. Your decision to invest a significant amount for long-term growth is well thought out. However, it’s crucial to reassess the reliance on index and direct funds and opt for actively managed funds through a certified financial planner. By diversifying your portfolio with a mix of large-cap, mid-cap, and small-cap funds, you can strike a balance between risk and return.

Additionally, continuing SIPs for 25 years is a sound strategy for long-term wealth accumulation. Keep your focus on disciplined investing, and consider adding some hybrid or balanced funds to manage volatility.

Lastly, review your retirement planning and ensure you have adequate liquid assets aside from the agricultural land. This will give you peace of mind, knowing that both your son's future and your retirement are secure.

Best Regards,

K. Ramalingam, MBA, CFP,

Chief Financial Planner,

www.holisticinvestment.in
https://www.youtube.com/@HolisticInvestment

..Read more

Latest Questions
Ravi

Ravi Mittal  |475 Answers  |Ask -

Dating, Relationships Expert - Answered on Dec 26, 2024

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I am talking to a boy for arranged marriage. He said me that come to Bangalore you will have a good career. But he is also asking me if I can leave my job if I have got some responsibility in life to which I said yes. Then I said that I prefer own cooked food over cook cooked food. Then he asked me if I can cook for 2 people to which I said that I will have to look if I can do. He seems to be supportive when he talks on phone. Is he brain washing me, should I say yes or no. Is he a red flag. What should I do.
Ans: Dear Moumita,
It isn't fair to label someone as a red flag over a few days of conversation; seeing women take up responsibilities of home and disregard their own career or needs might be what he has seen growing up and it's not him being a red flag intentionally. A lot has to do with upbringing. What I can suggest with confidence is that if you love having your own job, and your own financial independence then please be vocal about it. Just because he is asking you to leave your job doesn't mean you have to do it- you are only in the talking phase. You are not married yet. You have ample time to rethink your choice. Cooking and housework shouldn’t just be your responsibility, just like earning and providing shouldn’t only be his. It’s about sharing the load equally. Having said that, I should also mention that every relationship is different, and each couple finds their own way of balancing things. Ultimately, everything boils down to what you are comfortable with- please take some time to figure that out and only then decide whether or not to take this relationship ahead.

Hope this helps.

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Kanchan

Kanchan Rai  |447 Answers  |Ask -

Relationships Expert, Mind Coach - Answered on Dec 26, 2024

Asked by Anonymous - Dec 25, 2024
Relationship
Hi, My GF of last 2.5 years gets attracted to men very often and shares her feelings with me as well. She developed feelings for a guy a year back and he kissed her once when they were drunk. She said she didn't had time to react and Later they had a talk, she informed me that they chose to be friends, she doesn't seems to in talking terms any more with him. She talks to lot of male friends who she claims are from LGBTQ community which I doubt whether all are or not. I always say she has the freedom to move on any given day but she can't cheat but she doesn't think getting attracted to multiple men and acting on it as cheating . She says, she is free spirited and she is ok even if I visit a prostitute house. She is in her early 30s. She had a crush another guy on insta and said she will definitely try him if he wasn't lot younger than her but later said he is her best friend and she is in constant touch. Lately, she says vibe doesn't match and have problem saying I am her BF. I tried to move on from relationship 2-3 times because of her above traits and now stopped talking since few days. She had both mental and medical issues. Can I trust her and will she have any mental issues again?
Ans: While it’s commendable that she is honest about her feelings and gives you the freedom to make your choices, it’s equally important to consider whether her values and actions align with what you need in a partner. Relationships thrive when there’s mutual respect, understanding, and agreement on boundaries. If her actions or mindset make you feel undervalued or emotionally unsafe, it’s crucial to reflect on whether this relationship is truly serving your well-being.

The fact that you’ve tried to move on multiple times suggests that there is a deeper discomfort within you about the dynamics between you two. Trust is not just about fidelity; it’s about emotional safety, reliability, and mutual respect. If her behavior consistently makes you question her commitment or your place in her life, that erosion of trust can become difficult to rebuild.

As for her mental and medical challenges, it’s important to approach those with empathy, but also with a clear understanding that you cannot "fix" or "heal" someone unless they are actively seeking and working toward their own well-being. If she has not addressed her mental health or continues behaviors that affect the relationship without taking responsibility, it can lead to ongoing strain for you. Her mental health challenges are not excuses for harmful behavior, nor should they become reasons for you to sacrifice your own emotional health.

You’ve already shown patience and willingness to work through these challenges, but the repeated cycles of doubt and frustration may be a sign that the relationship is taking more from you than it’s giving. Ask yourself if you feel supported, valued, and emotionally safe in this partnership. Relationships should bring out the best in you and your partner, not leave you questioning your worth or constantly trying to accommodate behavior that feels unfair.

Taking a step back, as you’ve done now, can give you the clarity to evaluate what you truly want and need in a relationship. If trust feels irreparably broken or if her behaviors and values are fundamentally misaligned with yours, it may be time to consider whether staying in this relationship is the healthiest choice for you. You deserve a partner who respects your boundaries and builds a connection based on mutual trust and understanding.

If you decide to stay, open communication and possibly couples’ therapy could help bridge the gaps. If you choose to move on, trust that this decision is about prioritizing your well-being and finding a relationship that aligns with your values and needs. Either way, your happiness and emotional health should come first.

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Kanchan

Kanchan Rai  |447 Answers  |Ask -

Relationships Expert, Mind Coach - Answered on Dec 26, 2024

Asked by Anonymous - Dec 23, 2024Hindi
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Hi Anu, My husband is in living relationship with another lady since April in another country. At the same time, he acused me as selfish for doing my PhD in my native country and put me in mental trauma by verbally accusing.Also,he was very clever, he step by step get rid of all the things related to our relationship and took bank all the bank fund in my name.After that he blocked me.I had doubts on his extra marital and asked him 1000 times. But he simply insulted and blocked me from all social media eventually. After finishing my PhD pre submission, when i went to meet him, in his place. I found him, shifted to another apartment. But i somehow, found it and there i came to knew, he is staying with a lady there for past months. I broke down and informed all his friends. Now he is threatening me for signing mutual consent, otherwise he will make false allegations and tore my good name..Already he partially did that. When I talked to his friends, he was crooked enough to tell them, i am a psycho, ademant, career oriented lady. I told him i am ready to give him mutual divorce after once we met in person. I want to ask him why he cheated me.but he is not ready to meet, he is asking me to talk to his advocate. What shall I do now?
Ans: While it’s natural to want answers and closure, sometimes people who betray us in such profound ways refuse to provide the accountability we seek. Closure doesn’t always come from the other person. It can come from recognizing that their actions stem from their own flaws and failings, not because of anything lacking in you. It can come from choosing to let go of the need for explanations and focusing instead on rebuilding your own sense of peace and purpose.

You’ve already demonstrated incredible strength by standing up to him and exposing the truth to his friends. That takes courage. But this is also a time to lean into your inner resilience and ensure you’re supported by professionals who can guide you through the legal and emotional complexities. Speaking with a family lawyer who understands the nuances of your situation will help you feel empowered to navigate his threats and protect your rights. At the same time, connecting with a counselor or therapist can offer a safe space to process your emotions and begin to heal from this trauma.

It’s okay to grieve the relationship and the betrayal. It’s okay to feel anger, sadness, or even numbness at times. These emotions are all part of the process of moving forward. Allow yourself to feel them without judgment, but also remind yourself that this pain is temporary and does not define you. You are more than what has been done to you.

When you feel ready, try to shift your focus away from him and his actions and toward your own well-being and future. You’ve worked so hard on your PhD and have built a life full of potential and possibility. This chapter doesn’t have to define the rest of your story. You are capable of creating a life that is free from manipulation and filled with self-respect, joy, and the kind of peace that comes from living authentically.

Lean on the people who believe in you, who see your value, and who can remind you of your strength when you feel unsure. Remember, you don’t have to handle this alone. Whether it’s through professional guidance or emotional support from trusted loved ones, there are paths forward that will help you rise above this situation. You deserve a life where your worth is honored, your boundaries are respected, and your happiness takes center stage.

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Kanchan

Kanchan Rai  |447 Answers  |Ask -

Relationships Expert, Mind Coach - Answered on Dec 26, 2024

Asked by Anonymous - Dec 23, 2024Hindi
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Relationship
Hello, I am a 35-year woman from Manali, divorced for three years now. My family is constantly pushing me to get remarried, saying it’s ‘for my own good.’ But honestly, I don’t feel the need for marriage again. I’m financially stable, have great friends, and I genuinely enjoy my independence. Despite explaining this to my family multiple times, they keep bringing up alliances and even guilt-trip me, saying things like, ‘Who will take care of you when you’re older?’ or ‘What will society think?’ I’m exhausted from these arguments and feel like I’m being cornered into something I don’t want. How do I stand firm in my decision while maintaining my relationship with my family? How do I help them understand that being single is a choice, not a problem to fix?
Ans: When speaking to your family, try to approach the conversation from a place of empathy. Acknowledge their intentions by telling them you understand their worries and that they want what they believe is best for you. Express gratitude for their care—it often helps diffuse their defensiveness. However, it’s equally important to gently but firmly assert that your happiness is not dependent on remarriage. Share how content you are with your current life, emphasizing your financial stability, fulfilling friendships, and personal growth.

Sometimes families struggle to accept choices that diverge from traditional norms, often driven by fears about societal perceptions or imagined futures. Reassure them that your decision is rooted in thoughtful consideration and self-awareness, and that you’ve built a life that brings you peace and joy. If they bring up concerns like loneliness or old age, you can address these by expressing how you’ve cultivated strong support systems and how your independence equips you to face challenges.

It might also help to set gentle boundaries. For instance, you could say, “I appreciate that you care for me, but I’d like our time together to focus on enjoying each other’s company instead of discussing remarriage.” It’s okay to redirect conversations or take a break from them when you feel cornered.

Lastly, remember that changing deeply ingrained beliefs takes time. Your family might not immediately understand your perspective, but consistency and calm communication will help over time. It’s not your responsibility to conform to their expectations if doing so diminishes your sense of self. By staying true to your values while showing compassion for their concerns, you’re paving the way for mutual respect and understanding.

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Dr Nandita

Dr Nandita Palshetkar  |36 Answers  |Ask -

Gynaecologist, IVF expert - Answered on Dec 26, 2024

Asked by Anonymous - Dec 19, 2024Hindi
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Health
Dr, I’m 35 years old from Jamnagar, and my husband and I have been trying for a baby for the past year, but nothing seems to be working. I recently visited a fertility clinic in neighborhood , and after a few tests, they mentioned that I might have blocked fallopian tubes. The gynaec also talked about possible treatments like surgery or IVF, but I’m really confused and worried. Should I go for a laparoscopy to check the severity, or are there any other alternatives that could help me? I’m really anxious and just want to understand my options better before making any decisions.
Ans: History noted.
Considering your age 35 years, trying to conceive since, one year and few test done, one of which suggest possibility of tubal blockage, there are various modalities of treatment.
Firstly, you can do laparoscopy to note the severity if blockage and do tubal cannulation.
Tubal cannulation is often the first line of treatment for patients with blocked fallopian tubes because it's a non-invasive procedure that's widely available.
Tubal cannulation is a procedure that can unblock fallopian tubes and is highly successful for proximal tubal blockages, with a success rate of over 80%. However, it may not be successful for all patients and is not recommended for distal tubal occlusions.
This procedure if successful can avoid IVF procedure. Laparoscopy has…
Yes, before ivf get all your blood test, ecg, 2 D echo, xray chest to rule out any illness
Same with your husband to get semen analysis and viral markers with blood sugars to be done.

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Dr Nandita

Dr Nandita Palshetkar  |36 Answers  |Ask -

Gynaecologist, IVF expert - Answered on Dec 26, 2024

Asked by Anonymous - Dec 17, 2024Hindi
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Health
Hello Doctor, I’m in my late 20s, and lately, I’ve been feeling like something’s off with my body. My periods either show up way too early, sometimes not at all for months. And, I’ve been putting on weight even though I haven’t changed my diet or exercise routine. My skin has also turned into a battlefield with acne all over, which I never used to have before. My cousin, who’s around my age, just found out she has PCOS, and her mom (my aunt) went through something similar when she was younger. Now, I’m scared because I’ve been hearing all these horror stories about how it can affect fertility, and I’m not even married yet. What if it’s a family thing and I end up facing the same problems? My mom says, ‘Don’t worry, it’ll be fine,’ but I can’t stop thinking about it. Should I see a gynecologist, or is there another kind of doctor I should be visiting? What tests should I do to get to the bottom of this before it gets worse? Honestly, I’m feeling overwhelmed and just want to know what’s going on before it’s too late.
Ans: Hello, noted your concerns
You are in late 20’s with irregular periods, acne, weight gain,
You are undergoing hormonal imbalance
We need to do certain blood test like
CBC, tsh prolactin fasting insulin level
Hba1c, testosterone level
DHEA, LH FSH ESTRADIOL LEVEL
Amd AMH level to check for fertility level
Usg pelvis to rule out
Pcos
The mainstay treatment. For pcos is lifestyle changes
1) Daily exercise, walks. Zumba, running
2) Good nutritious food with proteins, vitamins, minerals, low carbs and fats
3) good adequate sleep 7 to 8 hours
4) stress management: yoga meditation, breathing exercise
5) supplements to controls effects of pcos
6) low dose OC PILLS TO regularize the cycles

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