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Ramalingam

Ramalingam Kalirajan  |7336 Answers  |Ask -

Mutual Funds, Financial Planning Expert - Answered on Jun 03, 2024

Ramalingam Kalirajan has over 23 years of experience in mutual funds and financial planning.
He has an MBA in finance from the University of Madras and is a certified financial planner.
He is the director and chief financial planner at Holistic Investment, a Chennai-based firm that offers financial planning and wealth management advice.... more
Utpal Question by Utpal on Jun 03, 2024Hindi
Money

Dear Sir, I find your suggestions very effective. This is for my son who is 31 years old and works as a Manager in a leading IT Company. His CTC is approx. Rs. 35 lakhs per annum . His wife is also working. At present they have no kids. We are a joint family and live in our own flat . He is having EMI of only Rs 13,000/- till 2025 December and want to invest about 50,000/- ( fifty thousand )per month in Mutual Fund for a long term period of 15-20 years. Can you kindly advice so that a good corpus is created by 20 years. At present they have some investment in Gold EFT & stocks. ( around 5 lakhs). Best Regards, UKM

Ans: Dear UKM,

Thank you for sharing details about your son’s financial situation. Your son’s proactive approach to investing is commendable. Creating a long-term investment strategy will help him build a substantial corpus over the next 15-20 years.

With a monthly investment of Rs 50,000, a disciplined approach will ensure he achieves his financial goals. Let’s explore the best way to allocate his investments in mutual funds for maximum growth and stability.

Evaluating Current Financial Position
Your son has a stable job with a CTC of Rs 35 lakhs per annum. His wife is also employed, and they have no children at present. They live in a joint family-owned flat, which reduces housing costs. The EMI of Rs 13,000 till December 2025 is manageable.

His current investments in Gold ETFs and stocks amount to Rs 5 lakhs. These provide some diversification and a good start.

Benefits of Mutual Fund Investments
Investing in mutual funds offers several advantages:

Professional Management: Fund managers use their expertise to select and manage a diversified portfolio.

Diversification: Mutual funds spread investments across various assets, reducing risk.

Liquidity: Mutual funds can be easily converted to cash.

Flexibility: Investors can choose from a wide range of funds to suit their risk appetite.

Disadvantages of Index Funds
Index funds track market indices and lack active management. They mirror the market’s performance, which can be limiting. Active fund managers strive to outperform the market, providing the potential for higher returns. This adaptability is particularly beneficial in volatile markets.

Benefits of Actively Managed Funds
Actively managed funds offer:

Expertise: Fund managers actively select and manage investments to outperform the market.

Risk Management: Active funds can adjust holdings based on market conditions, potentially reducing risk.

Higher Returns: With skilled management, actively managed funds often aim for superior returns.

Direct vs. Regular Mutual Funds
Direct mutual funds have lower expense ratios but require investor expertise. Regular mutual funds, managed through a Certified Financial Planner (CFP), provide professional guidance. The additional cost of regular funds is justified by the expertise and peace of mind they offer.

Creating a Balanced Portfolio
To build a robust corpus over 15-20 years, a balanced portfolio with equity and debt mutual funds is recommended. Equity funds offer growth potential, while debt funds provide stability and reduce overall risk.

Systematic Investment Plan (SIP)
A SIP in mutual funds helps in rupee cost averaging and disciplined investing. Investing Rs 50,000 per month through SIPs in diversified equity mutual funds can leverage the power of compounding.

Suggested Asset Allocation
Based on your son’s risk profile and investment horizon, the following allocation is advisable:

70% in Equity Mutual Funds: For growth potential over the long term.

30% in Debt Mutual Funds: For stability and risk mitigation.

Equity Mutual Funds
Equity mutual funds can be further diversified into:

Large-Cap Funds: Invest in well-established companies with stable returns.

Mid-Cap Funds: Offer higher growth potential but with increased volatility.

Small-Cap Funds: High growth potential with higher risk.

Sectoral/Thematic Funds: Focus on specific sectors or themes with potential for high returns.

Debt Mutual Funds
Debt mutual funds can be diversified into:

Short-Term Debt Funds: Provide liquidity and lower interest rate risk.

Corporate Bond Funds: Invest in high-rated corporate bonds for stable returns.

Government Bond Funds: Offer safety and moderate returns.

Monitoring and Rebalancing
Regular monitoring and rebalancing of the portfolio are crucial. This ensures the investments align with your son’s financial goals and risk tolerance. A CFP can provide valuable insights and make necessary adjustments.

Tax Planning
Mutual funds offer tax-efficient investment options. Equity funds held for more than one year qualify for long-term capital gains tax at 10% on gains exceeding Rs 1 lakh. Debt funds held for more than three years qualify for long-term capital gains tax at 20% with indexation benefits.

Emergency Fund
An emergency fund equivalent to six months’ expenses should be maintained. This ensures financial stability during unforeseen circumstances and prevents the need to liquidate long-term investments.

Insurance Coverage
Adequate life and health insurance coverage are essential. This protects against financial risks and ensures peace of mind.

Additional Considerations
Your son’s EMI will end in December 2025. Post-EMI, this amount can be redirected towards investments, increasing the monthly SIP amount. Regular increments in income can also be partially allocated to SIPs, accelerating corpus growth.

Summary of Action Plan
Invest Rs 50,000 per month in mutual funds via SIPs.

Allocate 70% to equity mutual funds for growth.

Allocate 30% to debt mutual funds for stability.

Regularly monitor and rebalance the portfolio with a CFP’s guidance.

Maintain an emergency fund for financial stability.

Ensure adequate insurance coverage.

By following this plan, your son can build a substantial corpus over 15-20 years, ensuring financial security and growth.

Best Regards,

K. Ramalingam, MBA, CFP

Chief Financial Planner,

www.holisticinvestment.in
DISCLAIMER: The content of this post by the expert is the personal view of the rediffGURU. Users are advised to pursue the information provided by the rediffGURU only as a source of information to be as a point of reference and to rely on their own judgement when making a decision.
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Ramalingam Kalirajan  |7336 Answers  |Ask -

Mutual Funds, Financial Planning Expert - Answered on May 20, 2024

Asked by Anonymous - May 13, 2024Hindi
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Hi. I'm 30years old with monthly salary of 60k. Having said, I have savings of 5L in hand and not had any investment so far in mutual fund. Having 2 child to take care with their education after 20 years. Need of advice on where to start in mutual fund. My risk appetite is moderate to high but don't know which fund to choose for long term investment. As well as I need of assured corpus of Rs.1 crore after 12 years to support my investment horizon along with my salary for rest of 8 years as I don't think my salary alone will be suffice to meet the investment journey. Also after 12 years need of an advice on how to get monthly income out of some portion of 1crore to manage family with it and save all my salary to mutual fund. I also want to know what will be the average return I will be getting based on your suggestion with all plannings as I said above after 20years
Ans: Your commitment to securing your family's future and achieving financial stability is commendable. Let's outline a strategic mutual fund investment plan tailored to your goals, risk appetite, and investment horizon.

Assessing Your Financial Goals and Risk Profile
At 30, with a moderate to high risk appetite, you're well-positioned to embark on a long-term investment journey. Your primary objectives include building a substantial corpus for your children's education in 20 years and securing a corpus of ?1 crore in 12 years for additional financial support.

Structuring Your Mutual Fund Portfolio
Given your investment horizon and risk tolerance, a diversified portfolio of equity and debt mutual funds is recommended. Equity funds offer growth potential, while debt funds provide stability and income generation. Here's a suggested allocation:

Equity Funds: Allocate a significant portion of your investment, considering your moderate to high-risk appetite. Choose a mix of large-cap, mid-cap, and small-cap funds for diversification and potential returns.

Debt Funds: Allocate a portion of your portfolio to debt funds to mitigate risk and generate stable returns. Opt for a combination of short-term, medium-term, and long-term debt funds based on your risk preference.

Planning for Future Income Streams
After 12 years, when you aim to secure a corpus of ?1 crore, consider investing a portion of this amount in a combination of dividend-paying mutual funds and systematic withdrawal plans (SWPs). This strategy will provide you with a regular monthly income stream while preserving the principal amount for long-term growth.

Estimating Average Returns
While it's challenging to predict exact returns, a well-diversified mutual fund portfolio targeting a moderate to high-risk profile can potentially generate average returns ranging from 10% to 12% annually over the long term. However, returns may vary depending on market conditions and fund performance.

Emphasizing Discipline and Review
Consistency and discipline are key to achieving your financial goals. Review your portfolio regularly, monitor fund performance, and make adjustments as needed to stay aligned with your objectives. Consider consulting with a Certified Financial Planner to fine-tune your strategy and navigate market fluctuations effectively.

Conclusion
In conclusion, a strategic mutual fund investment plan tailored to your financial goals, risk profile, and investment horizon can pave the way for long-term wealth creation and financial security. By diversifying your portfolio, planning for future income streams, and maintaining discipline, you can work towards achieving your objectives and securing your family's future.

Best Regards,

K. Ramalingam, MBA, CFP,

Chief Financial Planner,

www.holisticinvestment.in

..Read more

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Ramalingam Kalirajan  |7336 Answers  |Ask -

Mutual Funds, Financial Planning Expert - Answered on Jun 19, 2024

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Hi I want to start Mutual fund for my son for Rs 40,000 per month. Heis just 14 years for his studies and mariage. I will be retiring in 2027, November. Kindly suggest wher to invest.
Ans: Investing Rs 40,000 per month for your son's future is a great decision. Your goal is to provide for his education and marriage, which are important milestones. Here’s a comprehensive guide on where to invest, ensuring his future needs are met while you plan for your retirement in November 2027.

Understanding Your Investment Goals
Your primary goals are funding your son's education and marriage. It's essential to prioritize these goals and align your investments accordingly. Education expenses will come sooner, so you need a balanced approach. Marriage expenses are typically further out, so you can afford to take more risks with that portion.

Benefits of Mutual Funds
Mutual funds offer diversification, professional management, and liquidity. They spread risk across various assets, which can help achieve higher returns over the long term. This makes them a suitable choice for your goals.

Types of Mutual Funds to Consider
Equity Funds
Equity funds invest in stocks and aim for capital growth. They are suitable for long-term goals like your son’s marriage, which is likely more than ten years away. These funds can provide high returns but come with higher risks.

Balanced or Hybrid Funds
Balanced funds invest in a mix of equity and debt. They offer a balanced approach to growth and stability. These are suitable for medium-term goals like your son’s education, ensuring steady returns with moderate risk.

Debt Funds
Debt funds invest in fixed income securities and are lower risk. They are suitable for short-term goals or as a part of a balanced portfolio to provide stability. While they offer lower returns compared to equity funds, they help mitigate risk.

Asset Allocation Strategy
Proper asset allocation is crucial. It involves spreading your investment across different asset classes to balance risk and reward.

For Education (Medium-term Goal)
Allocate 60% to Balanced/Hybrid Funds for moderate growth and stability.

Allocate 20% to Equity Funds for higher growth potential.

Allocate 20% to Debt Funds for safety and stability.

For Marriage (Long-term Goal)
Allocate 70% to Equity Funds to maximize growth over the long term.

Allocate 20% to Balanced/Hybrid Funds for some stability.

Allocate 10% to Debt Funds to reduce overall risk.

Regular Monitoring and Rebalancing
Investment performance should be reviewed at least annually. This helps ensure your portfolio remains aligned with your goals. Rebalancing involves adjusting your investments to maintain the desired asset allocation. It’s essential to stay flexible and adjust based on market conditions and personal financial changes.

Risk Management
Understanding and managing risk is crucial in investing. Equity investments can be volatile, but their potential for higher returns makes them suitable for long-term goals. Balancing this with more stable investments like debt funds helps manage overall risk. It’s also important to have an emergency fund to cover unexpected expenses, ensuring you don't need to withdraw from your investments prematurely.

Tax Efficiency
Investing in tax-efficient funds can help you maximize returns. Equity funds held for more than a year qualify for long-term capital gains tax, which is lower than short-term rates. Debt funds held for more than three years also get long-term tax benefits. Consulting a certified financial planner can help you navigate the tax implications effectively.

SIP for Disciplined Investing
Systematic Investment Plans (SIPs) allow you to invest a fixed amount regularly. SIPs instill discipline and reduce the impact of market volatility. Investing Rs 40,000 per month through SIPs ensures regular savings and takes advantage of rupee cost averaging, helping you buy more units when prices are low and fewer when prices are high.

The Role of a Certified Financial Planner
A certified financial planner (CFP) can provide personalized advice, considering your specific financial situation and goals. They can help you choose the right mutual funds, ensure proper asset allocation, and adjust your plan as needed. A CFP can also assist in understanding the fine print and managing risks effectively.

Benefits of Actively Managed Funds Over Index Funds
Actively managed funds aim to outperform the market through expert stock selection and timing. While index funds simply replicate market indices, actively managed funds can potentially offer higher returns through professional management. They can adapt to market changes and capitalize on opportunities, making them more suitable for achieving specific financial goals.

Avoiding Direct Funds
Direct funds might seem appealing due to lower fees, but they require more active involvement and expertise. Investing through a CFP and opting for regular funds ensures professional guidance and management, which can significantly enhance your investment outcomes. The slight increase in cost is often outweighed by the benefits of expert advice and support.

Investing in Children's Education
Education costs are rising, so it’s vital to plan well. Mutual funds can provide the necessary growth to keep up with these costs. Choosing funds with a good track record and aligning them with your time horizon is key. Balanced and hybrid funds can offer a mix of growth and stability, making them ideal for medium-term goals like education.

Investing in Marriage Expenses
Marriage expenses can be significant. Long-term investments in equity funds can help grow your corpus over time. Starting early and staying invested allows you to benefit from compounding returns, making it easier to meet these expenses when the time comes.

Retirement Planning
While your primary focus is on your son's future, don’t neglect your retirement planning. Ensure that your investments also account for your retirement needs. Balanced funds can provide growth and stability, while debt funds can offer safety. A CFP can help integrate your retirement planning with your overall financial goals.

Financial Discipline and Regular Savings
Regular savings and disciplined investing are crucial. Automate your investments through SIPs to ensure consistency. Avoid the temptation to time the market; instead, stay focused on your long-term goals. Regular savings and disciplined investing can lead to substantial wealth accumulation over time.

Insurance Considerations
Ensure you have adequate life and health insurance. This protects your family’s financial future in case of unforeseen events. Avoid investment-cum-insurance policies like ULIPs, which can have high costs and lower returns compared to mutual funds. Pure protection plans, like term insurance, offer higher coverage at a lower cost.

Estate Planning
Estate planning ensures your assets are distributed according to your wishes. Create a will and consider setting up trusts if necessary. This can provide peace of mind and ensure your son’s future is secure even if something happens to you.

Education on Financial Literacy
Educate your son on financial literacy. This can empower him to make informed decisions in the future. Teach him the basics of saving, investing, and managing money wisely. Financial literacy is a valuable skill that will benefit him throughout his life.

Understanding Market Cycles
Markets go through cycles of growth and decline. Understanding these cycles can help manage expectations and reduce anxiety during downturns. Staying invested during market lows can lead to substantial gains when the market recovers. Patience and long-term perspective are essential in investing.

Diversification
Diversification reduces risk by spreading investments across different assets. Avoid putting all your money in one type of investment. By diversifying, you protect your portfolio from significant losses and increase the potential for returns.

Emergency Fund
Maintain an emergency fund equivalent to 6-12 months of expenses. This provides a financial cushion for unexpected expenses or job loss, ensuring you don't need to dip into your investments prematurely.

Keeping Updated with Financial News
Stay informed about financial news and trends. This helps you make informed decisions and adjust your strategy as needed. However, avoid making impulsive decisions based on short-term market movements.

Regular Review and Adjustment
Review your investment plan regularly. Life circumstances and financial markets change, so your plan may need adjustments. A CFP can help ensure your plan remains aligned with your goals and adjusts as needed.

Final Insights
Investing for your son’s future is a wise and thoughtful decision. By choosing the right mutual funds, maintaining proper asset allocation, and staying disciplined, you can achieve your financial goals. Regular monitoring, risk management, and professional guidance are crucial for success. Keep educating yourself and your son about financial matters to make informed decisions.

Best Regards,

K. Ramalingam, MBA, CFP,

Chief Financial Planner,

www.holisticinvestment.in

..Read more

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Ramalingam Kalirajan  |7336 Answers  |Ask -

Mutual Funds, Financial Planning Expert - Answered on Oct 14, 2024

Asked by Anonymous - Oct 12, 2024Hindi
Money
Hi I wanted to build big corpus for my disabled son who is 3 years old. He don't want work or struggle in his life after my death. I want to invest my life time savings of 60 lacs in lump sum in below mutual fund schemes. And then continue the SIP in all the funds for next 25 years. Please let me know whether I am on right path. 1. ICICI prudential nifty 50 index fund direct growth 2. Parag parikh flexi cap fund direct growth 3. Nippon India small cap fund direct growth 4. ICICI value discovery fund direct growth 5. Quant Midcap fund My combined salary income from my wife and myself is 2.4 lacs we are of same age 33 and mothly expense is around 1 lac. For my retirement I have small agricultural land current worth of 1 crore at present, other savings like ppf, pf, gold , 60 lacs at present and I am going to sell it off all these after 25 years for the retirement expenses for myself and my wife. Above mutual fund money is only for my son . hope my fund selection and above plan is good one .please suggest
Ans: First of all, it’s truly admirable that you are planning for your son’s financial security well in advance. Your goals of building a sizeable corpus for your son, without him having to worry about his future, are heartfelt and achievable with proper planning.

Your combined salary of Rs. 2.4 lakh per month and monthly expenses of Rs. 1 lakh give you a comfortable margin for savings. The fact that you are focused on using your Rs. 60 lakh life savings for your son’s future and keeping the agricultural land for your retirement shows that you are clear about your objectives.

However, there are a few things to reassess in your current plan, particularly regarding your fund selection and the potential risks involved.

Reassessing Index Fund Investments
While it may seem that investing in index funds like the ICICI Prudential Nifty 50 Index Fund Direct Growth can give you exposure to the top companies in the country, this approach has certain limitations.

Disadvantages of Index Funds:

Lack of Flexibility: Index funds are passively managed and follow the market index. They cannot adapt quickly during market downturns. So, when markets fall, the fund's value can drop significantly.

No Outperformance: Index funds only aim to replicate the market performance. They don’t strive to beat the market, which can limit the potential for higher returns over time, especially over a long horizon of 25 years. In contrast, actively managed funds can outperform during bullish markets and provide better returns.

No Cushion in Bear Markets: Actively managed funds can cushion market falls by allocating resources into safer stocks or sectors when the market sentiment turns negative. Index funds, on the other hand, have to follow the index, regardless of the market situation.

Assessing Direct Funds
Direct plans of mutual funds usually have lower expense ratios than regular plans, which can translate to slightly better returns. However, there are some disadvantages, especially for long-term and large goals like the one you have for your son.

Disadvantages of Direct Funds:

No Professional Guidance: Direct plans leave you on your own to decide where and how much to invest. While this may seem cost-effective, over 25 years, professional guidance from a Certified Financial Planner (CFP) can be invaluable, especially in dealing with changing market conditions or rebalancing your portfolio.

Difficulties in Managing Portfolio: With multiple direct funds, it can become overwhelming to manage and track the performance of each one. A Certified Financial Planner can help you rebalance your portfolio periodically, ensure proper diversification, and adjust investments based on life changes or market conditions.

Potential to Miss Out on Opportunities: A qualified financial planner can identify growth opportunities, new funds, or even better-performing funds, which may be missed when managing investments independently.

Active Funds as a Preferred Choice
To build a big corpus over a long period of 25 years, actively managed mutual funds tend to perform better than index funds due to the expertise of fund managers in stock selection and timing the market cycles. Here’s why:

Better Returns Potential: Active funds, especially those with a strong track record, aim to outperform the market. Over a long period, this outperformance can result in significantly larger corpus compared to index funds.

Flexibility in Stock Selection: Fund managers can pick and choose stocks that are expected to outperform based on market conditions, industry trends, or specific company performance, which is crucial for long-term wealth creation.

Tactical Rebalancing: Active funds adjust their allocations depending on market cycles and economic changes, which can reduce downside risk and enhance returns.

Evaluating Your Fund Selection
Let’s now evaluate the current funds you’ve chosen for your son’s corpus and retirement goals.

1. Parag Parikh Flexi Cap Fund
Suitability: This fund provides exposure to both domestic and international markets, giving you good diversification. It’s an actively managed fund, and flexi-cap funds can adjust between large, mid, and small-cap stocks based on market conditions.

Risk & Return: The fund can offer strong returns over the long term but has higher volatility than pure large-cap funds. Given your 25-year horizon, this volatility can be managed.

2. Nippon India Small Cap Fund
Suitability: Small-cap funds have the potential for high growth but are also very volatile. Over a 25-year period, these funds can generate strong returns, but they come with the risk of significant fluctuations in the short term.

Risk & Return: Small-cap funds are best suited for aggressive investors with a long-term horizon, like you. However, consider limiting the allocation to small-cap funds due to their high-risk nature.

3. ICICI Value Discovery Fund
Suitability: This fund follows a value-investing approach, which aims to pick undervalued stocks with strong long-term growth potential. This can be a good complement to your portfolio.

Risk & Return: It’s a well-diversified fund that balances risk and reward, and can be part of your portfolio for stable, long-term growth.

4. Quant Midcap Fund
Suitability: Mid-cap funds strike a balance between risk and return. They have more growth potential than large-caps but are less risky than small-caps.

Risk & Return: Over 25 years, mid-cap funds can be a strong contributor to wealth creation. However, like small-cap funds, they are subject to short-term volatility.

Suggested Portfolio Strategy
Given your plan to secure your son’s financial future, you need a well-diversified portfolio that balances growth and risk. Here’s a more balanced approach to your investment strategy:

Recommended Portfolio:

Large-Cap and Flexi-Cap Funds (40%): These funds will provide stability and steady returns over the long term. While large-cap funds focus on blue-chip stocks, flexi-cap funds provide flexibility across all market capitalizations.

Mid-Cap Funds (30%): These funds are ideal for long-term growth and will help boost the overall corpus. However, keep the allocation to a moderate level to balance the risk.

Small-Cap Funds (20%): Small-cap funds can offer explosive growth potential over 25 years but are risky in the short term. Keep this allocation limited to avoid exposing the entire corpus to high risk.

Balanced or Hybrid Funds (10%): To add some stability to your portfolio, consider adding balanced funds that invest in both equity and debt. This will help protect against extreme volatility while providing moderate growth.

SIPs for Long-Term Growth
Since you are also planning to continue with Systematic Investment Plans (SIPs) for the next 25 years, you are on the right track. SIPs will help in averaging the purchase price of units and reduce the risk of investing lump sums at market peaks.

Benefits of SIP:

Rupee Cost Averaging: SIPs ensure you are investing across market cycles, averaging out the purchase price over time.

Disciplined Investment: Regular investments over 25 years will help you accumulate a significant corpus without the emotional burden of market timing.

Retirement Planning for You and Your Wife
Although your focus is currently on securing your son’s financial future, it’s also essential to review your retirement planning. While you have an agricultural land worth Rs. 1 crore, relying entirely on it for retirement could be risky due to market and valuation changes in the future.

Consider diversifying your retirement savings into liquid assets like mutual funds and other safer instruments. A combination of equity and debt mutual funds for retirement can provide stability and growth over time.

Final Insights
You have taken excellent steps toward ensuring financial security for your disabled son. Your decision to invest a significant amount for long-term growth is well thought out. However, it’s crucial to reassess the reliance on index and direct funds and opt for actively managed funds through a certified financial planner. By diversifying your portfolio with a mix of large-cap, mid-cap, and small-cap funds, you can strike a balance between risk and return.

Additionally, continuing SIPs for 25 years is a sound strategy for long-term wealth accumulation. Keep your focus on disciplined investing, and consider adding some hybrid or balanced funds to manage volatility.

Lastly, review your retirement planning and ensure you have adequate liquid assets aside from the agricultural land. This will give you peace of mind, knowing that both your son's future and your retirement are secure.

Best Regards,

K. Ramalingam, MBA, CFP,

Chief Financial Planner,

www.holisticinvestment.in
https://www.youtube.com/@HolisticInvestment

..Read more

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Hi Anu, My husband is in living relationship with another lady since April in another country. At the same time, he acused me as selfish for doing my PhD in my native country and put me in mental trauma by verbally accusing.Also,he was very clever, he step by step get rid of all the things related to our relationship and took bank all the bank fund in my name.After that he blocked me.I had doubts on his extra marital and asked him 1000 times. But he simply insulted and blocked me from all social media eventually. After finishing my PhD pre submission, when i went to meet him, in his place. I found him, shifted to another apartment. But i somehow, found it and there i came to knew, he is staying with a lady there for past months. I broke down and informed all his friends. Now he is threatening me for signing mutual consent, otherwise he will make false allegations and tore my good name..Already he partially did that. When I talked to his friends, he was crooked enough to tell them, i am a psycho, ademant, career oriented lady. I told him i am ready to give him mutual divorce after once we met in person. I want to ask him why he cheated me.but he is not ready to meet, he is asking me to talk to his advocate. What shall I do now?
Ans: While it’s natural to want answers and closure, sometimes people who betray us in such profound ways refuse to provide the accountability we seek. Closure doesn’t always come from the other person. It can come from recognizing that their actions stem from their own flaws and failings, not because of anything lacking in you. It can come from choosing to let go of the need for explanations and focusing instead on rebuilding your own sense of peace and purpose.

You’ve already demonstrated incredible strength by standing up to him and exposing the truth to his friends. That takes courage. But this is also a time to lean into your inner resilience and ensure you’re supported by professionals who can guide you through the legal and emotional complexities. Speaking with a family lawyer who understands the nuances of your situation will help you feel empowered to navigate his threats and protect your rights. At the same time, connecting with a counselor or therapist can offer a safe space to process your emotions and begin to heal from this trauma.

It’s okay to grieve the relationship and the betrayal. It’s okay to feel anger, sadness, or even numbness at times. These emotions are all part of the process of moving forward. Allow yourself to feel them without judgment, but also remind yourself that this pain is temporary and does not define you. You are more than what has been done to you.

When you feel ready, try to shift your focus away from him and his actions and toward your own well-being and future. You’ve worked so hard on your PhD and have built a life full of potential and possibility. This chapter doesn’t have to define the rest of your story. You are capable of creating a life that is free from manipulation and filled with self-respect, joy, and the kind of peace that comes from living authentically.

Lean on the people who believe in you, who see your value, and who can remind you of your strength when you feel unsure. Remember, you don’t have to handle this alone. Whether it’s through professional guidance or emotional support from trusted loved ones, there are paths forward that will help you rise above this situation. You deserve a life where your worth is honored, your boundaries are respected, and your happiness takes center stage.

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Kanchan

Kanchan Rai  |447 Answers  |Ask -

Relationships Expert, Mind Coach - Answered on Dec 26, 2024

Asked by Anonymous - Dec 23, 2024Hindi
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Hello, I am a 35-year woman from Manali, divorced for three years now. My family is constantly pushing me to get remarried, saying it’s ‘for my own good.’ But honestly, I don’t feel the need for marriage again. I’m financially stable, have great friends, and I genuinely enjoy my independence. Despite explaining this to my family multiple times, they keep bringing up alliances and even guilt-trip me, saying things like, ‘Who will take care of you when you’re older?’ or ‘What will society think?’ I’m exhausted from these arguments and feel like I’m being cornered into something I don’t want. How do I stand firm in my decision while maintaining my relationship with my family? How do I help them understand that being single is a choice, not a problem to fix?
Ans: When speaking to your family, try to approach the conversation from a place of empathy. Acknowledge their intentions by telling them you understand their worries and that they want what they believe is best for you. Express gratitude for their care—it often helps diffuse their defensiveness. However, it’s equally important to gently but firmly assert that your happiness is not dependent on remarriage. Share how content you are with your current life, emphasizing your financial stability, fulfilling friendships, and personal growth.

Sometimes families struggle to accept choices that diverge from traditional norms, often driven by fears about societal perceptions or imagined futures. Reassure them that your decision is rooted in thoughtful consideration and self-awareness, and that you’ve built a life that brings you peace and joy. If they bring up concerns like loneliness or old age, you can address these by expressing how you’ve cultivated strong support systems and how your independence equips you to face challenges.

It might also help to set gentle boundaries. For instance, you could say, “I appreciate that you care for me, but I’d like our time together to focus on enjoying each other’s company instead of discussing remarriage.” It’s okay to redirect conversations or take a break from them when you feel cornered.

Lastly, remember that changing deeply ingrained beliefs takes time. Your family might not immediately understand your perspective, but consistency and calm communication will help over time. It’s not your responsibility to conform to their expectations if doing so diminishes your sense of self. By staying true to your values while showing compassion for their concerns, you’re paving the way for mutual respect and understanding.

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Dr Nandita

Dr Nandita Palshetkar  |36 Answers  |Ask -

Gynaecologist, IVF expert - Answered on Dec 26, 2024

Asked by Anonymous - Dec 19, 2024Hindi
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Dr, I’m 35 years old from Jamnagar, and my husband and I have been trying for a baby for the past year, but nothing seems to be working. I recently visited a fertility clinic in neighborhood , and after a few tests, they mentioned that I might have blocked fallopian tubes. The gynaec also talked about possible treatments like surgery or IVF, but I’m really confused and worried. Should I go for a laparoscopy to check the severity, or are there any other alternatives that could help me? I’m really anxious and just want to understand my options better before making any decisions.
Ans: History noted.
Considering your age 35 years, trying to conceive since, one year and few test done, one of which suggest possibility of tubal blockage, there are various modalities of treatment.
Firstly, you can do laparoscopy to note the severity if blockage and do tubal cannulation.
Tubal cannulation is often the first line of treatment for patients with blocked fallopian tubes because it's a non-invasive procedure that's widely available.
Tubal cannulation is a procedure that can unblock fallopian tubes and is highly successful for proximal tubal blockages, with a success rate of over 80%. However, it may not be successful for all patients and is not recommended for distal tubal occlusions.
This procedure if successful can avoid IVF procedure. Laparoscopy has…
Yes, before ivf get all your blood test, ecg, 2 D echo, xray chest to rule out any illness
Same with your husband to get semen analysis and viral markers with blood sugars to be done.

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Dr Nandita

Dr Nandita Palshetkar  |36 Answers  |Ask -

Gynaecologist, IVF expert - Answered on Dec 26, 2024

Asked by Anonymous - Dec 17, 2024Hindi
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Hello Doctor, I’m in my late 20s, and lately, I’ve been feeling like something’s off with my body. My periods either show up way too early, sometimes not at all for months. And, I’ve been putting on weight even though I haven’t changed my diet or exercise routine. My skin has also turned into a battlefield with acne all over, which I never used to have before. My cousin, who’s around my age, just found out she has PCOS, and her mom (my aunt) went through something similar when she was younger. Now, I’m scared because I’ve been hearing all these horror stories about how it can affect fertility, and I’m not even married yet. What if it’s a family thing and I end up facing the same problems? My mom says, ‘Don’t worry, it’ll be fine,’ but I can’t stop thinking about it. Should I see a gynecologist, or is there another kind of doctor I should be visiting? What tests should I do to get to the bottom of this before it gets worse? Honestly, I’m feeling overwhelmed and just want to know what’s going on before it’s too late.
Ans: Hello, noted your concerns
You are in late 20’s with irregular periods, acne, weight gain,
You are undergoing hormonal imbalance
We need to do certain blood test like
CBC, tsh prolactin fasting insulin level
Hba1c, testosterone level
DHEA, LH FSH ESTRADIOL LEVEL
Amd AMH level to check for fertility level
Usg pelvis to rule out
Pcos
The mainstay treatment. For pcos is lifestyle changes
1) Daily exercise, walks. Zumba, running
2) Good nutritious food with proteins, vitamins, minerals, low carbs and fats
3) good adequate sleep 7 to 8 hours
4) stress management: yoga meditation, breathing exercise
5) supplements to controls effects of pcos
6) low dose OC PILLS TO regularize the cycles

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