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Ramalingam

Ramalingam Kalirajan  |8077 Answers  |Ask -

Mutual Funds, Financial Planning Expert - Answered on Jun 11, 2024

Ramalingam Kalirajan has over 23 years of experience in mutual funds and financial planning.
He has an MBA in finance from the University of Madras and is a certified financial planner.
He is the director and chief financial planner at Holistic Investment, a Chennai-based firm that offers financial planning and wealth management advice.... more
Sandeep Question by Sandeep on Jun 07, 2024Hindi
Money

HI, i m 38 years old having micro family includes two daughters(+9yrs and +4Years). i m drawing appc 1.10 L in hand monthly and 20-25% of that invested between PPF(current value 7.5 Lac), LIC(maturity amount appx 25 Lac in 2033 and Sukanya. Apart from that also invested very less in MF(current portfolio of 1.00 Lac ) and Equity shares(Current Portfolio of around 4.00 Lac). With Bless of parents we have our owned housed and hardly having any liabilities.. pls. advice me the best suitable finance plan to take it further as i want my retirement at age of 55 years and 1-1.5 Lac monthly income from year of retirement.

Ans: Comprehensive Financial Planning for Retirement at 55
Assessing Your Current Financial Situation
You are 38 years old, with a micro family that includes your two daughters, aged 9 and 4. Your monthly take-home salary is approximately Rs 1.10 lakh. You currently invest 20-25% of your income in various instruments, including PPF, LIC, and Sukanya Samriddhi Yojana. Your PPF balance is Rs 7.5 lakh, your LIC policies are projected to mature at Rs 25 lakh in 2033, and you have smaller investments in mutual funds (Rs 1 lakh) and equity shares (Rs 4 lakh). With your own house and minimal liabilities, your financial foundation is solid. Now, let's plan for your goal of retiring at 55 with a monthly income of Rs 1-1.5 lakh.

Setting Clear Retirement Goals
First, define your retirement goals clearly. You want to retire at 55 and require a monthly income of Rs 1-1.5 lakh. Considering an average inflation rate of 6%, your retirement corpus should be substantial to ensure a comfortable lifestyle.

Estimating the Required Retirement Corpus
To determine the amount needed for retirement, let's break it down:

Current monthly requirement: Rs 1.25 lakh (average of Rs 1-1.5 lakh)
Adjusted for inflation over 17 years (at 6%): Rs 3.44 lakh per month
Annual requirement at retirement: Rs 41.28 lakh (3.44 lakh x 12)
Assuming a life expectancy of 85 years, you would need this amount for 30 years post-retirement.

Total retirement corpus needed: Rs 8.25 crore (using a retirement calculator considering 6% inflation and 8% post-retirement return)
Reviewing Current Investments
Public Provident Fund (PPF)
Your PPF balance is Rs 7.5 lakh. Assuming a 7% annual return, if you continue investing Rs 25,000 monthly, it will grow significantly by your retirement.

Life Insurance Corporation (LIC)
Your LIC policies will mature at Rs 25 lakh in 2033. While these provide insurance, the returns are relatively low compared to other investments. It is essential to evaluate if these policies align with your financial goals.

Sukanya Samriddhi Yojana (SSY)
Investments in SSY for your daughters' education and marriage are commendable. Continue these investments as they offer good returns and tax benefits.

Mutual Funds
Your mutual fund portfolio is currently Rs 1 lakh. Considering the power of compounding, increasing your SIPs in mutual funds can significantly boost your retirement corpus.

Equity Shares
Your equity shares portfolio is Rs 4 lakh. Equities offer high returns but come with high volatility. Diversifying into mutual funds can provide balanced exposure to the stock market with professional management.

Enhancing Your Investment Strategy
Increase Mutual Fund Investments
Mutual funds are suitable for long-term growth. Actively managed funds can potentially outperform the market. Increasing your SIPs in equity mutual funds can provide higher returns. Diversify across large-cap, mid-cap, and small-cap funds for balanced growth.

Systematic Investment Plans (SIPs)
Consider investing Rs 30,000 monthly in SIPs. Over 17 years, assuming a 12% annual return, this can grow substantially.

Disadvantages of Index Funds and Direct Funds
Index funds replicate market performance and lack potential for higher returns offered by actively managed funds. Direct funds require significant knowledge and time, which may not be suitable for everyone. Investing through a certified mutual fund distributor ensures professional management.

Building a Balanced Portfolio
Asset Allocation
Diversify your investments across various asset classes. Consider the following allocation:

Equity Mutual Funds: 50%
Debt Funds: 20%
PPF/SSY: 20%
Gold/Other Investments: 10%
This diversification balances risk and return, ensuring a stable and growing portfolio.

Regular Review and Rebalancing
Regularly review your investment portfolio. Market conditions and personal circumstances change over time. Rebalancing ensures your portfolio stays aligned with your goals.

Tax Planning
Utilize Tax Benefits
Maximize contributions to tax-saving instruments like PPF, SSY, and ELSS funds. These provide tax deductions under Section 80C. Also, consider investing in the National Pension System (NPS) for additional tax benefits under Section 80CCD.

Efficient Tax Management
Review your investments for tax efficiency. Long-term capital gains on equities are taxed at 10% beyond Rs 1 lakh. Mutual funds provide tax-efficient growth compared to traditional savings.

Insurance Coverage
Life Insurance
Ensure you have adequate life insurance coverage. Term insurance offers high coverage at a low premium. Evaluate if your LIC policies provide sufficient coverage or if additional term insurance is needed.

Health Insurance
With a family of four, having comprehensive health insurance is crucial. Ensure your policy covers all family members and has a high sum insured. Health insurance protects your savings from medical emergencies.

Education Planning for Daughters
Child Education Fund
Education costs are rising. Start an education fund for your daughters. Invest in child-specific mutual funds or education plans that offer long-term growth. Starting early ensures a substantial corpus for their higher education.

Emergency Fund
Building a Safety Net
Maintain an emergency fund covering at least six months of expenses. This fund protects against unexpected financial challenges. Consider keeping this amount in a high-yield savings account or liquid mutual funds for easy access.

Evaluating Current Liabilities
Managing Debts
Though you have minimal liabilities, ensure any existing debts are paid off promptly. Avoid accumulating high-interest debts like credit card balances. Debt management is crucial for financial stability.

Planning for Retirement
Creating a Retirement Account
Consider opening a retirement-specific account like the National Pension System (NPS). NPS offers tax benefits and helps build a retirement corpus with professional management. Invest regularly in this account for long-term growth.

Pension Plans
Explore pension plans that provide regular income post-retirement. These plans ensure a steady flow of income and financial security during retirement.

Building a Sustainable Retirement Corpus
Calculating Future Value
Using the earlier example, let’s calculate the future value of your current investments.

PPF: Rs 7.5 lakh + Rs 25,000 monthly investment for 17 years at 7% = approximately Rs 1 crore
LIC: Maturity amount in 2033 = Rs 25 lakh
Mutual Funds: Rs 30,000 monthly SIP for 17 years at 12% = approximately Rs 1.8 crore
Equity Shares: Assuming 10% annual growth for 17 years = approximately Rs 20 lakh
Total estimated corpus = Rs 3.25 crore

Closing the Gap
You need Rs 8.25 crore. To bridge the gap, increase your monthly investments in mutual funds and retirement accounts. Consider increasing your SIPs to Rs 40,000 or adjusting other investments.

Professional Guidance
Consult a Certified Financial Planner (CFP) for personalized advice. A CFP can help create a comprehensive financial plan tailored to your goals. They offer professional insights and strategies to achieve your retirement objectives.

Final Insights
Achieving your retirement goal requires disciplined saving and investing. Regularly review and adjust your financial plan. Focus on long-term growth and tax efficiency. With careful planning, you can retire at 55 with a comfortable monthly income of Rs 1-1.5 lakh.

Best Regards,

K. Ramalingam, MBA, CFP,

Chief Financial Planner,

www.holisticinvestment.in
DISCLAIMER: The content of this post by the expert is the personal view of the rediffGURU. Users are advised to pursue the information provided by the rediffGURU only as a source of information to be as a point of reference and to rely on their own judgement when making a decision.
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Ramalingam

Ramalingam Kalirajan  |8077 Answers  |Ask -

Mutual Funds, Financial Planning Expert - Answered on Aug 22, 2024

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My age is 34 my monthly income is 50 k per month .investing in sip, sbi energy opportunities 5k, HDFC manufacturing fund 5 k , motilalal Oswal defence index fund 5 k and ppf 5k I had a son of 2 years and wife I want money for my son education and for my retirement 3 lakhs per month income needed. Suggest me best plan strategy. Thanking u
Ans: At 34, with a monthly income of Rs. 50,000, you have already started investing wisely. You're contributing Rs. 15,000 to SIPs in diverse mutual funds and Rs. 5,000 to PPF. You also have a 2-year-old son and a wife, which means securing your family's future is a top priority.

Let's assess your current situation and craft a plan to achieve your financial goals: your son's education and a comfortable retirement with Rs. 3 lakh per month.

Evaluating Your Current Investments
1. SIP Investments:

You are investing Rs. 15,000 per month in SIPs spread across different sectors. This diversification can provide balanced growth over time.
2. Public Provident Fund (PPF):

Your Rs. 5,000 monthly contribution to PPF offers stability and tax benefits. However, it is a conservative option with lower returns compared to equity investments.
3. Index Fund:

Investing in an index fund like Motilal Oswal Defence Index Fund might seem appealing due to its low cost. But, it may not outperform actively managed funds in the long run. Actively managed funds, with a skilled fund manager, can adapt to market changes better.
Identifying Your Financial Goals
1. Child’s Education:

Your son's education is a major milestone. The cost of education is rising, so it’s crucial to plan for it early.
2. Retirement Goal:

You aim to retire with an income of Rs. 3 lakh per month. Achieving this goal requires a well-structured plan that grows your corpus substantially.
Strategic Investment Plan
1. Increase Equity Exposure:

Continue investing in SIPs but consider shifting to actively managed funds. These funds have the potential to outperform the market and provide higher returns over time.
2. Long-Term Growth through Equity Funds:

Equity funds can offer inflation-beating returns over the long term. With your age on your side, you can afford to take more risks, which may result in higher rewards.
3. Balanced Approach with PPF:

Your PPF investment provides a secure and tax-efficient option. But, since it has lower returns, it should not be your primary retirement vehicle.
4. Review Index Fund Allocation:

The index fund you are investing in may have lower management fees, but actively managed funds can provide better returns by adjusting to market conditions. Consider reallocating funds from the index to an actively managed fund.
Planning for Your Child's Education
1. Education Fund:

Start a dedicated SIP for your son’s education. This fund should be in equity mutual funds that focus on long-term growth. By the time your son needs the funds, the corpus will have grown significantly.
2. Balancing Risk:

As your son gets closer to higher education, start shifting part of the equity investments to debt funds or safer options. This strategy will protect the corpus from market volatility.
Achieving Your Retirement Goal
1. Estimate the Required Corpus:

To generate Rs. 3 lakh per month, you will need a large corpus. With inflation and life expectancy considered, this corpus should last through your retirement years.
2. Systematic Withdrawal Plan (SWP):

Post-retirement, a Systematic Withdrawal Plan (SWP) from your mutual funds can provide you with a regular income. This method allows your money to continue growing while you withdraw what you need monthly.
3. Regular Monitoring:

Regularly review and adjust your investments. This approach ensures that your portfolio remains aligned with your goals and market conditions.
Insurance and Contingency Planning
1. Life Insurance:

Ensure that you have adequate life insurance coverage. This coverage should be enough to support your family's needs in case of any unforeseen events.
2. Health Insurance:

Health insurance is a must to protect against medical emergencies. Choose a plan that covers your family comprehensively.
3. Emergency Fund:

Maintain an emergency fund equal to at least 6 months of your expenses. This fund should be liquid and easily accessible in case of sudden financial needs.
Reviewing Your Plan Regularly
1. Annual Review:

Financial planning is not a one-time task. Review your plan at least once a year. This review will help you track your progress and make necessary adjustments.
2. Rebalance Your Portfolio:

As you approach your goals, you may need to rebalance your portfolio. Shift from high-risk investments to more stable options to protect your corpus.
Final Insights
You have made a great start by investing in SIPs and PPF. To achieve your financial goals of your son's education and a comfortable retirement, consider increasing your equity exposure and choosing actively managed funds. Ensure you have adequate insurance and a contingency fund to protect your family's financial security.

By following a disciplined investment strategy and regularly reviewing your portfolio, you can achieve financial independence and retire with the desired income.

Best Regards,

K. Ramalingam, MBA, CFP,

Chief Financial Planner,

www.holisticinvestment.in

..Read more

Ramalingam

Ramalingam Kalirajan  |8077 Answers  |Ask -

Mutual Funds, Financial Planning Expert - Answered on Jul 25, 2024

Asked by Anonymous - Jul 24, 2024Hindi
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Money
Hello I am Avneesh, My age is 48 years, I am single and my monthly income is approx. 1.5 lakh, I have no loan and any liability. I have 31 lakh in Shares , approx 30 lakh in PPF, 10 lakh in mutual fund , approx 29 lakh in saving. I want to retire in next 2 years . what will my financial plan for retirement income of 60,0000 to 70,000 per month
Ans: You are 48 years old and plan to retire in 2 years.

You are single with no loans or liabilities.

Your monthly income is approximately Rs 1.5 lakh.

You have Rs 31 lakh in shares, approximately Rs 30 lakh in PPF, Rs 10 lakh in mutual funds, and approximately Rs 29 lakh in savings.

Your goal is to have a monthly retirement income of Rs 60,000 to Rs 70,000.

Current Financial Assets

Shares: Rs 31 lakh

PPF: Rs 30 lakh

Mutual Funds: Rs 10 lakh

Savings: Rs 29 lakh

Total: Rs 100 lakh (Rs 1 crore)

Retirement Income Strategy

Fixed Income Investments

Allocate a portion of your savings to fixed income investments.

Consider options like fixed deposits, senior citizen savings schemes, and government bonds.

These provide stable and predictable income.

Systematic Withdrawal Plan (SWP) in Mutual Funds

Use mutual funds to set up a SWP.

This allows you to withdraw a fixed amount monthly.

Invest in a mix of equity and debt funds for balanced growth.

Annuities

Consider purchasing an annuity for guaranteed income.

Annuities provide regular payments for life.

Choose the annuity that best fits your needs.

Dividend-Paying Stocks

Invest in high-quality dividend-paying stocks.

Dividends provide a regular income stream.

Focus on stable companies with a history of consistent dividends.

Asset Allocation and Diversification

Equity and Debt Balance

Maintain a balanced portfolio of equity and debt.

Equity provides growth, while debt offers stability.

A 40:60 equity to debt ratio can be considered.

Diversification

Diversify investments across different asset classes.

This reduces risk and ensures steady returns.

Review and adjust your portfolio regularly.

Building the Retirement Corpus

Additional Investments

Continue contributing to your PPF and mutual funds for the next 2 years.

Increase SIP contributions if possible.

Aim to grow your retirement corpus further.

Emergency Fund

Maintain an emergency fund equal to 6-12 months of expenses.

Keep this fund in a liquid savings account or short-term FD.

This fund provides financial security for unforeseen events.

Health Insurance

Ensure you have adequate health insurance coverage.

Review and update your health insurance policy.

Consider additional coverage for critical illnesses.

Estate Planning

Plan for the distribution of your assets.

Consider writing a will and setting up a trust.

Ensure your assets are passed on according to your wishes.

Regular Review and Adjustment

Review your financial plan every six months.

Adjust based on market conditions and personal circumstances.

Consult a Certified Financial Planner (CFP) for professional advice.

Final Insights

With careful planning, you can achieve a comfortable retirement.

Allocate your assets wisely between equity, debt, and fixed income investments.

Consider setting up a SWP and investing in dividend-paying stocks.

Maintain an emergency fund and ensure adequate health insurance.

Review and adjust your financial plan regularly.

Best Regards,

K. Ramalingam, MBA, CFP,

Chief Financial Planner,

www.holisticinvestment.in

..Read more

Ramalingam

Ramalingam Kalirajan  |8077 Answers  |Ask -

Mutual Funds, Financial Planning Expert - Answered on Sep 09, 2024

Asked by Anonymous - Sep 03, 2024Hindi
Money
Hello Mr. Ramalingam Good morning. I'm 47 years old, my wife is at 40 and one daughter studying in 8th std. I have an investement in MF worth of 1.8 cr, ULIP of 20 lakhs, Direct equity of 5 lakhs, 1 cr term insurance, 5 lakhs LIC, 30 lakhs FD. Monthly SIP of 65 k in different MF's, accumulated EPF of 40 lakhs, 10 lakhs super annuatation fund. Invested in plot worth of 1 cr and farm land worth of 1.5 cr. No house and no loan. Would like retire by 55 years with monthly income of 2 lakhs / month from investment. Kindly suggest how I can make my finanical plan. Thanks
Ans: Based on your current financial situation and your goal of retiring at 55 with a monthly income of Rs. 2 lakhs, we need to assess your existing investments, future requirements, and how to bridge any gaps in your retirement plan.

Assets You Already Have
You have built a solid foundation of investments, which is impressive. Let’s break down your current assets:

Mutual Fund portfolio: Rs. 1.8 crore
ULIP: Rs. 20 lakhs
Direct equity: Rs. 5 lakhs
Term Insurance: Rs. 1 crore (sufficient for family protection)
LIC: Rs. 5 lakhs (Could be better allocated elsewhere)
Fixed Deposit: Rs. 30 lakhs
EPF: Rs. 40 lakhs
Superannuation Fund: Rs. 10 lakhs
Real Estate Investments: Plot (Rs. 1 crore) and farmland (Rs. 1.5 crore)
Your current SIP of Rs. 65,000 monthly in mutual funds is a good strategy for wealth accumulation.

Assessing Your Retirement Goal
You wish to have Rs. 2 lakhs per month as retirement income starting at 55. Considering inflation, your future expenses will likely be higher than Rs. 2 lakhs, which we must account for in your financial plan. Assuming you retire at 55 and live till 85, your investments need to generate returns for 30 years.

Evaluating Existing Investments
1. Mutual Funds:
Your current MF portfolio of Rs. 1.8 crore is a major asset. Continue with your SIPs to grow this corpus.
You might consider reviewing your fund allocations to ensure diversification across large-cap, mid-cap, and debt funds for stability and growth. Ensure these are actively managed funds, as they typically perform better than index funds over time.
2. ULIP:
ULIPs often have high charges and offer lower returns compared to mutual funds. It would be wise to surrender this policy and reinvest the Rs. 20 lakhs into mutual funds. This will offer better long-term growth for retirement.
3. Direct Equity:
Direct equity investments, while rewarding, are risky, especially as you approach retirement. It’s advisable to either reduce exposure to individual stocks or move to safer large-cap funds or balanced funds to ensure stability.
4. Fixed Deposit:
Rs. 30 lakhs in FD is a safe bet, but it yields lower returns. Consider using a portion of this for debt mutual funds, which offer slightly better returns and are tax-efficient.
5. LIC:
The Rs. 5 lakhs in LIC should be reconsidered, as insurance-based investment products are typically low-yielding. It’s better to surrender and reinvest this in mutual funds or safer investment options that offer higher returns.
6. Real Estate:
Your plot and farmland, though valuable, are illiquid assets. Real estate cannot generate a regular retirement income unless sold or rented out. Ideally, you should not rely on these for monthly income during retirement. Focus on liquid investments that can generate steady cash flow.
Plan for Retirement Income
Here’s how you can plan to generate Rs. 2 lakhs per month during retirement:

1. Continue Your SIPs:
Your monthly SIP of Rs. 65,000 is a good practice. If you can increase this slightly over the next few years, it will help you build a larger corpus for retirement. Aim to have at least Rs. 5-6 crore in liquid assets by the time you retire.
2. Shift to More Conservative Funds Closer to Retirement:
As you approach retirement, gradually move some of your equity-heavy investments into safer debt funds or balanced funds to preserve capital and reduce market risk.
3. Utilize the EPF and Superannuation Fund:
Your Rs. 40 lakhs in EPF and Rs. 10 lakhs in superannuation fund will continue to grow. Do not withdraw this early; allow it to accumulate till your retirement for a sizeable corpus that can act as a fixed-income generator.
4. Create an Income Stream with SWP:
Systematic Withdrawal Plan (SWP) from mutual funds will help you generate a monthly income after retirement. This is tax-efficient and can provide you with the Rs. 2 lakhs you desire. You can gradually withdraw from your mutual fund corpus post-retirement, ensuring your capital lasts for 30 years.
5. Review and Increase Insurance:
Your current term insurance of Rs. 1 crore is adequate for now. Ensure you have it in place till your retirement to protect your family in case of any unforeseen events. No need for further investment in insurance-based products like ULIPs or LIC.
Things to Keep in Mind
Inflation Protection: Rs. 2 lakhs per month today will not hold the same value in the future due to inflation. Plan to increase your SIP amounts and grow your corpus to account for this.

Healthcare Costs: As you age, healthcare expenses might rise. Ensure that your health insurance coverage is sufficient, or consider top-up plans to enhance your coverage.

Reassess Regularly: Financial planning is not a one-time activity. Review your portfolio annually to ensure you are on track and make adjustments based on changing market conditions or personal goals.

Final Insights
You are in a strong financial position and well on your way to a comfortable retirement. However, small changes like surrendering low-return policies and enhancing your mutual fund portfolio can make a significant difference. Focus on building a larger liquid corpus by continuing your SIPs and shifting towards income-generating assets as you near retirement.

Stay disciplined with your investments, and you will likely achieve your retirement goal of Rs. 2 lakhs monthly without financial stress.

Best Regards,

K. Ramalingam, MBA, CFP,

Chief Financial Planner,

www.holisticinvestment.in

..Read more

Ramalingam

Ramalingam Kalirajan  |8077 Answers  |Ask -

Mutual Funds, Financial Planning Expert - Answered on Feb 17, 2025

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I need a good financial planning for my retirement at 58-60, salary is 1.9 lakhs ,inthis 21k carloan for another 2.5 yrs, 35k in SIP,50k monthly expenses, rent 19k , have own house in native. Have FD 65 lakhs sbi, fd in sriram 13 lakhs, in motilal oswal IAP of 10 lakhs, invested in hdfc sanchay lus for 1 lakh another 5 years to get guaranteed 1 lakh after 6 yrs , and another guaranteed plan of 60 k from next year ( both I will get for another 25 years) , sbi MF 10 lakhs ,ulip matured running for another 10 years 8 lakhs, Daughter's marriage plan after 5 yrs and son in btech from this year. Pls adv.
Ans: You have built a solid financial foundation. Now, let’s structure your retirement plan effectively.

Current Financial Overview
Your income is Rs 1.9 lakhs per month.
Major expenses: Rs 50k household, Rs 19k rent, Rs 21k car loan (for 2.5 years).
You invest Rs 35k monthly in SIPs.
Significant assets include FDs, mutual funds, insurance, and guaranteed plans.
Retirement Planning Strategy
Optimising Investments
Your SIPs are well-structured. Consider increasing them once the car loan is over.
FDs provide safety but lower returns. You may shift part of them to better options.
Guaranteed plans provide fixed income but might not beat inflation.
Your mutual fund holdings should be diversified across equity and debt.
Managing Existing Loans
The car loan will be cleared in 2.5 years, increasing monthly savings.
Avoid taking new loans close to retirement.
Wealth Growth for Retirement
Your guaranteed plans will provide Rs 1.6 lakh per year post-retirement.
SIPs and mutual fund investments should focus on long-term wealth creation.
Debt allocation should increase as you approach retirement.
Child’s Education and Marriage Planning
Your son’s B.Tech expenses should be planned using FDs and low-risk funds.
Your daughter’s marriage in 5 years requires liquidity planning. Part of your FDs can be allocated here.
Final Insights
Increase SIPs once your loan is cleared.
Balance safety and returns by adjusting your asset allocation.
Ensure your guaranteed plans do not restrict liquidity.
Keep emergency funds accessible for unforeseen needs.
Plan tax-efficient withdrawals post-retirement.
Best Regards,

K. Ramalingam, MBA, CFP,

Chief Financial Planner,

www.holisticinvestment.in
https://www.youtube.com/@HolisticInvestment

..Read more

Latest Questions
Anu

Anu Krishna  |1544 Answers  |Ask -

Relationships Expert, Mind Coach - Answered on Mar 05, 2025

Asked by Anonymous - Mar 04, 2025
Relationship
I have a cousin brother (21 years). He is 5 years elder than me. His father & my father are own brothers. His father is also 5 years elder than my father. I am concerned about something. My cousin brother always orders my mother (40 years old) for such things who nobody wants to do. She obeys him always quietly without any hesitation. Like if he ask her to bath twice or thrice in a day, then she will bath thrice in a day. If he ask her to dance, then she will dance also. If he ask her to press his legs, then she will press his legs. If he ask her to not to eat anything, then she will not eat anything. She is totally behaving like his slave. I told about it to my father. He ignored my words & called it rubbish. I asked my mother why she is behaving like this, but she doesn't answer. I asked my cousin brother why is he doing like this & why is my mother obeying his words, he said it's none of my business. Can you please help & tell what's going on ??
Ans: Dear Anonymous,
It is kind of strange to see your mother act like this around him. This is definitely not something usual or causal and there is something deeper than what you can see or understand.
Does you father and his brother also notice the same or are they pretending to not notice it? This could give you a good understanding of what is going on. If your father is ignoring it, then kindly ask him to take some time out and explain this to you. On your part, spend more time with your mother; take her out, shop together, show her some fun time...encourage her to pursue some hobby or educational learning classes outside of home. When she starts to feel good about herself and does things for herself, she might be able to stand up for herself and push this fellow away.

All the best!
Anu Krishna
Mind Coach|NLP Trainer|Author
Drop in: www.unfear.io
Reach me: Facebook: anukrish07/ AND LinkedIn: anukrishna-joyofserving/

...Read more

Anu

Anu Krishna  |1544 Answers  |Ask -

Relationships Expert, Mind Coach - Answered on Mar 05, 2025

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Relationship
I am in a delimma on my daughters approach.She is a doctor and with higher specialisation . All of a sudden she comes forward and says wants to marry a person who is her batchmate but is an inter caste and younger to her by a year . Caste is of lowest strata . I am a person who always respected everybody but the approach of this kind without considering the pros and cons and acting very violently to make it happen is very disturbing and I am in a dilemma . Please suggest
Ans: Dear Janardhan,
She's your daughter; certainly you can talk to her about your concerns, right? And when she shares, do make sure that you LISTEN first. As parents, you can be concerned and be quick to judge the person that she has chosen to marry. But when you do that, you are only going to push her further away from you. Let her share her side first and then present your side of concerns...request her to think about it and have another discussion a few weeks later.
As a toddler when she threw a tantrum, what did you do? I am sure that you let the emotion pass, then you picked her up and showered her with affection, so that she registers that she will be loved and cared for BUT her tantrum will not be appreciated.
The situation is similar; so try to break into her world and hear her out first...I hope you understand that for logic of pros and cons to be communicated, there is a need to first accept the emotional state that she is in...

All the best!
Anu Krishna
Mind Coach|NLP Trainer|Author
Drop in: www.unfear.io
Reach me: Facebook: anukrish07/ AND LinkedIn: anukrishna-joyofserving/

...Read more

Anu

Anu Krishna  |1544 Answers  |Ask -

Relationships Expert, Mind Coach - Answered on Mar 05, 2025

Asked by Anonymous - Mar 03, 2025
Relationship
Hi, my name is Dhruv, I have been married for 13 years. It was love marriage. We dont have any kids, though we tried but due to medical complications, we could not have a child. After a point of time, we both accepted the situation and moved on. Since last 3-4 years, slowly we have been drifting apart, though we are together but the love, feeling of togetherness has gone, we talk only about our regular lives, household chores, relatives etc but never about US. That feeling of being loved, even we don't hug each other anymore. Though we do care for each other but its not love anymore. Recently I met someone through work and somehow felt a connect with her, I could talk about things which I'm not able to talk with my wife. She make me feel that I'm still important and now I always think about her, want to be with her, talk to her. Though it makes me guilty also as somewhere in my heart I still love my wife and want to make it work. I am torn between what is right and what is wrong. If I think about myself, my happiness and t it hurts my wife, am I selfish or should I restrict my feelings, please advise way out
Ans: Dear Dhruv,
The easiest way to feel better when a relationship is failing is to get into another one. Searching for what you want in the original relationship cannot be found anywhere else; so giving into that temptation is only going to make things more confusing.
So, if you still love your wife and want to make it work, what have the two of you done so far to make things work?
Working on the marriage is a task that needs effort and a certain kind of stubborn nature that will help you cross over the the challenges that can emerge.
Your marriage now requires a complete RESET. So, push that button and go back to where it all began; no baggage, no expectations, no complaining...When you accept a situation, then do so fully...you can't have children; if you have accepted it then what's the reason to move apart. It only suggests that it was a compromise and not an acceptance.
Understand that acceptance is being graceful about the situation and being supportive of one another. Begin life afresh; date one another...laugh together, do things together. Bring back the little joys and bigger goals for marriage and life...
And most importantly, be in complete support of one another! That hidden love that you both share needs to be watered and nurtured even more...

All the best!
Anu Krishna
Mind Coach|NLP Trainer|Author
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Archana

Archana Deshpande  |103 Answers  |Ask -

Image Coach, Soft Skills Trainer - Answered on Mar 04, 2025

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Hi Mam, Hope you are doing well. I am very worried about my son who is now 12.5 years old and studying in 7th standard in a very reputed school. Since childhood, he has no interest in studies, unless we doesn't seat in front of him, he doesn't study. Every teacher from his kindergarten days upto now has the same complaint that he is doesn't pay attention in class and the result is he doesn't get good marks in the exam. When we scold him for studies, he does it for that particular time only and then get back to his non-interest mode again and start to run from studies. He will play video games, goes to play around with his friends, he will find some or the other reason for not doing studies or homework. The irony is that he is not interested in any sports or any other kind of activities. In every summer holidays, we make him to join some sports or music classes, but there also he doesn't show interest and do things just for the sake of showing. From last year, we have started sending him to tuitions also, but no change in attitude. This year we have found a teacher of his reputed school who is retired and taking tuitions, we are sending him to her and she is charging a big amount for tuitions. please guide how can we change his attitude and make him more serious in any activity he does as he doesn't have interest in anything (we have observed doing everything we can).
Ans: Hello Sunil!!

I am doing great, thank you for asking, God bless you!

I can totally understand when you say you are worried.

Your son is 12.5, he will soon be a teenager. There will be different challenges, I want you to read up on parenting a teenager and be ready to handle him well.

The problem as I see it is that everyone of you, his teachers included have made studies like a burden for him.... and subjected the young child to a lot of anxiety, he just wants to run away form it....
"Every teacher from his kindergarten days upto now has the same complaint that he is doesn't pay attention in class".... this statement of yours... it is the teacher's duty to ensure the child listens to him/her, how can she start labeling a child like this. From a young age your son has been conditioned to believe that he is not not good in studies, he doesn't focus and he doesn't sit in one place. All my sympathies are with your son...every child comes with immense potential and it's our duty as parents and teachers to nurture the child.

The following is what I propose so that we bring him back to loving to learn ( not score marks, that should never be the barometer)-
1. Love your child the way he is now
2. Give him lot of positive strokes
3. Have one on one sessions for any activity you plan for him... let him choose the activity, empower him
4. choose a teacher, who can get along with him and help him develop a positive attitude towards studies and life in general
5. look for a school where they nurture him... not just a reputed one...less number of students and a teacher who is invested in her/ his students,

If you can connect with me, I can help him. Have had many a students in this kind situation.
This is my website..
https://transformme.co.in/

Loads of best wishes to the whole family..

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Archana

Archana Deshpande  |103 Answers  |Ask -

Image Coach, Soft Skills Trainer - Answered on Mar 04, 2025

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