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Ajit

Ajit Mishra  | Answer  |Ask -

Answered on Aug 01, 2020

Amrit Question by Amrit on Aug 01, 2020Hindi
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Money

And if not which shares in my lot shall I sell and at what price considering a three-year horizon? Planning to raise capital to purchase a house worth Rs 50 Lakh on cash by 2023; Plus I want to add L&T by the year's end worth Rs 1 Lakh.

Please advise.

Ans: We would recommend you to invest in stocks such as HDFC Bank, L&T, HUL, Britannia (on dips), Dabur, Colgate, Asian Paints, Maruti, Infosys, Tech Mahindra, Reliance Industries (on dips), Cipla, Biocon, Havells, Voltas and Bharti Airtel. We advise you to buy these stocks in staggered manner as these stocks have decent fundamentals and good long term growth prospects which can deliver healthy returns

DISCLAIMER: The content of this post by the expert is the personal view of the rediffGURU. Users are advised to pursue the information provided by the rediffGURU only as a source of information to be as a point of reference and to rely on their own judgement when making a decision.
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Ramalingam

Ramalingam Kalirajan  |6991 Answers  |Ask -

Mutual Funds, Financial Planning Expert - Answered on Jun 07, 2024

Money
Hi sir i had land , can i sell it put the money in mutal fund .... tq in advance
Ans: Thank you for your query. Selling land to invest in mutual funds can be a prudent financial decision. Let's explore this idea in detail, keeping your best interests in mind. I appreciate your forward-thinking approach and understand the significance of this decision for your financial future.

Understanding the Benefits of Mutual Funds
Mutual funds offer several advantages over real estate as an investment. They provide diversification, liquidity, professional management, and the potential for significant returns.

Diversification
Mutual funds invest in a variety of assets, including stocks and bonds. This diversification reduces risk, as poor performance in one asset is often balanced by better performance in another.

Liquidity
Mutual funds are highly liquid. You can redeem your investments at any time, unlike real estate, which can take months or even years to sell.

Professional Management
Mutual funds are managed by experienced fund managers. These professionals use their expertise to maximize returns, adjusting the portfolio as needed.

Evaluating Your Current Financial Position
Before proceeding, let's evaluate your current financial position. Understanding your overall financial health is crucial in making informed decisions.

Existing Assets and Liabilities
You own land and are considering selling it. Assess the current market value of your land. Determine if there are any outstanding loans or liabilities associated with it.

Financial Goals
Clearly define your financial goals. Are you looking for long-term growth, regular income, or capital preservation? Your goals will influence the type of mutual funds suitable for you.

Risk Tolerance
Assess your risk tolerance. Mutual funds come in various risk levels, from conservative debt funds to aggressive equity funds. Knowing your risk tolerance helps in selecting appropriate funds.

The Process of Selling Land
Selling land involves several steps. It’s important to follow a structured approach to maximize returns and ensure a smooth transaction.

Market Valuation
Get a professional valuation of your land. Understanding its market value helps in setting a realistic selling price.

Finding Buyers
Engage a real estate agent or use online platforms to find potential buyers. Effective marketing can attract serious buyers quickly.

Legal Considerations
Ensure all legal documentation is in place. This includes the title deed, tax receipts, and encumbrance certificate. Clear any legal issues before proceeding with the sale.

Finalizing the Sale
Negotiate with potential buyers to get the best price. Once agreed, complete the sale through a registered sale deed. Ensure all payments are received and documented.

Investing in Mutual Funds
Once the land is sold, the next step is to invest the proceeds wisely. Mutual funds offer various options tailored to different financial goals.

Types of Mutual Funds
Mutual funds come in several types, each with unique characteristics and benefits.

Equity Funds
Equity funds invest primarily in stocks. They offer high growth potential but come with higher risk. Suitable for long-term goals.

Debt Funds
Debt funds invest in fixed-income securities like bonds and treasury bills. They provide stable returns with lower risk. Ideal for conservative investors.

Hybrid Funds
Hybrid funds invest in a mix of equity and debt. They balance risk and reward, suitable for moderate risk-takers.

Benefits of Actively Managed Funds
Actively managed funds, guided by expert fund managers, aim to outperform the market. They offer potential for higher returns, especially in volatile markets.

Expertise and Strategy
Fund managers use their expertise to make informed investment decisions. They actively monitor and adjust the portfolio based on market conditions.

Flexibility
Actively managed funds can adapt to market changes. This flexibility helps in capturing opportunities and mitigating risks effectively.

Disadvantages of Index Funds
Index funds aim to replicate market indices. They can be less responsive to market changes, potentially yielding lower returns during downturns. Actively managed funds leverage expert insights to navigate market fluctuations, aiming for better performance.

Disadvantages of Direct Funds
Direct funds, although lower in cost, might lack the personalized guidance offered by Mutual Fund Distributors (MFDs) with Certified Financial Planner (CFP) credentials. Regular funds provide professional advice, helping you make informed investment decisions tailored to your financial goals.

Step-by-Step Investment Plan
Here’s a step-by-step plan to invest the proceeds from selling your land into mutual funds.

Step 1: Determine Investment Amount
Calculate the net amount from the land sale after deducting any liabilities and transaction costs. This is your investable amount.

Step 2: Asset Allocation
Based on your risk tolerance and financial goals, decide the asset allocation between equity, debt, and hybrid funds. Diversification is key to balancing risk and return.

Step 3: Choose Mutual Funds
Select mutual funds that align with your investment goals. Look for funds with a good track record, consistent performance, and reputable fund managers.

Step 4: Systematic Investment Plan (SIP)
Consider investing through SIPs. This approach spreads your investment over time, reducing the impact of market volatility and leveraging rupee cost averaging.

Step 5: Monitor and Review
Regularly monitor your investments. Review the performance of your mutual funds periodically and make adjustments if necessary. Stay informed about market trends and economic factors that may affect your investments.

Potential Growth and Returns
Investing in mutual funds can potentially offer significant returns over the long term. Let’s illustrate with an example.

Assume you invest Rs.50 lacs from the land sale into mutual funds. If we consider an average annual return of 12%, here’s how your investment can grow over 10, 15, and 20 years.

10 Years
FV = PV × (1 + r)^n

Where:

PV = Rs.50,00,000
r = 12% annually
n = 10 years
FV = 50,00,000 × (1 + 0.12)^10

FV = 50,00,000 × 3.1058

FV = Rs.1,55,29,000

15 Years
FV = PV × (1 + r)^n

Where:

PV = Rs.50,00,000
r = 12% annually
n = 15 years
FV = 50,00,000 × (1 + 0.12)^15

FV = 50,00,000 × 5.4734

FV = Rs.2,73,67,000

20 Years
FV = PV × (1 + r)^n

Where:

PV = Rs.50,00,000
r = 12% annually
n = 20 years
FV = 50,00,000 × (1 + 0.12)^20

FV = 50,00,000 × 8.983

FV = Rs.4,49,15,000

Addressing Common Concerns
Market Volatility
Market volatility is a common concern for investors. However, staying invested for the long term can help ride out short-term fluctuations and benefit from overall market growth.

Inflation
Mutual funds, especially equity funds, have the potential to outpace inflation over the long term. They provide growth that can help preserve the purchasing power of your money.

Tax Efficiency
Mutual funds offer tax benefits, especially long-term capital gains (LTCG). Equity funds have a favorable tax regime, making them attractive for long-term investors.

Final Insights
Selling your land and investing the proceeds in mutual funds is a smart financial move. It offers diversification, liquidity, and the potential for significant returns. By following a structured investment plan and leveraging the expertise of fund managers, you can achieve your financial goals. Regular monitoring and periodic reviews will ensure your investments stay aligned with your objectives.

Best Regards,

K. Ramalingam, MBA, CFP,

Chief Financial Planner,

www.holisticinvestment.in

..Read more

Ramalingam

Ramalingam Kalirajan  |6991 Answers  |Ask -

Mutual Funds, Financial Planning Expert - Answered on Jul 25, 2024

Asked by Anonymous - Jul 15, 2024Hindi
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Sir I retd teacher given vrs.i am having no savings.i am getting 42000 as monthly pension.i have personal loan 4lakhs and paying 17000 monthly.i have 5cent of land which if I sell I will get 25lakhs.i have no children.i am in my own house.i am getting 4000 as rent.my age is 55.if I sell the property I can live a comfortable life, but a person known to me is telling not to sell now.my only problem is that if i get money I have to spend for farm land.my husband is an officer and he earns about 1lakhs and have saving in pF . can I see the land and put a small amount in farm 2acres of land or can i wait.5cent is ideal.
Ans: Financial Position Assessment

You have a monthly pension of Rs. 42,000 and a personal loan of Rs. 4 lakhs with a monthly EMI of Rs. 17,000. You also receive Rs. 4,000 as rent. Your primary asset is 5 cents of land, valued at Rs. 25 lakhs.

You have no children and live in your own house. Your husband earns Rs. 1 lakh monthly and has savings in PF.

Debt Management

Prioritize repaying the personal loan. The high EMI reduces your disposable income. Consider using part of the land sale proceeds to clear this debt. This will relieve financial stress.

Asset Utilization

Selling your 5 cents of land could provide immediate liquidity. With Rs. 25 lakhs, you can clear your personal loan and still have a significant amount left. This could enhance your financial stability.

Investment Strategy

Instead of reinvesting in farmland, consider diversifying your investments. Farm land can be risky and illiquid. Here are some options to explore:

Mutual Funds: Opt for actively managed mutual funds. They offer potential for higher returns. They also provide professional management.
Fixed Deposits: For safety and guaranteed returns. They offer peace of mind.
Post Office Schemes: Safe and offer decent returns. Ideal for retired individuals.
Senior Citizen Savings Scheme (SCSS): Offers regular interest payments. Safe and government-backed.
Income Generation

Continue renting out your property for Rs. 4,000 monthly. This provides a steady income stream.

Insurance Review

Review your insurance policies. Ensure adequate health and term insurance coverage. This protects against unforeseen events.

Husband's Contributions

Leverage your husband's income and savings. His PF savings can be a good backup. Plan together for a secure retirement.

Consult a Certified Financial Planner

A CFP can help you make informed decisions. They offer professional advice tailored to your needs.

Final Insights

Selling your land can provide immediate financial relief. It allows you to clear your personal loan and invest the remaining amount wisely. Diversifying your investments ensures financial stability and regular income.

Avoid reinvesting in farmland due to its risks. Leverage your husband's income and savings for a secure future. Consulting a CFP ensures you make the best decisions for your financial well-being.

Best Regards,

K. Ramalingam, MBA, CFP

Chief Financial Planner,

www.holisticinvestment.in

..Read more

Ramalingam

Ramalingam Kalirajan  |6991 Answers  |Ask -

Mutual Funds, Financial Planning Expert - Answered on Aug 02, 2024

Asked by Anonymous - Aug 02, 2024Hindi
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Date: 02.08.2024 Dear Sir I am 68 yrs old. I have invested 40L in various equities since last 44 years & 50L in Equity based M/F’s since last 14 years. Current market value is around 1.8cr & 1.6cr respectively & it may grow by 20% CAGR. As per my assumptions in the next 7 years of period total market value will be around 10cr approx. Also I have a land property valued 3cr. Now I am planning to build 6 floor residential apartments on it. For this I need a fund around 2cr for construction & I am planning to raise funds from overdraft loans against my Equity shares & M/F at the rate 10.35%.approx I do not have any other source to raise the reqd. fund and I do not have any other liabilities. I am planning SWP of Rs. 10 lacs every year to repay interest on OD. Further I may sell out one floor to clear my overdraft loans after full construction. Are my thoughts correct in your opinion? I need your practical advice & guidance in this regard please. Thanks & Regards
Ans: Current Financial Situation

You have a strong investment portfolio worth Rs. 3.4 crore.
Your equity investments have grown well over 44 years.
Mutual fund investments also show good growth in 14 years.
You own a valuable land property worth Rs. 3 crore.

Proposed Plan

You want to build a 6-floor residential apartment.
You need Rs. 2 crore for construction costs.
Planning to take overdraft loans against equity and mutual funds.
Intend to repay interest through SWP of Rs. 10 lakh yearly.
Plan to sell one floor to clear overdraft loans.

Risks to Consider

Construction costs may exceed your estimates.
Market volatility could affect your investment values.
Interest rates on overdraft loans may increase.
Property market conditions may change.

Alternative Funding Options

Consider selling some equity or mutual fund units.
This could reduce your loan burden and interest costs.
Look into construction loans from banks.
They may offer better interest rates than overdraft loans.

Tax Implications

Selling investments may lead to capital gains tax.
Property sale will also have tax implications.
Plan for these taxes in your financial calculations.

Cash Flow Management

Ensure you have enough regular income for daily expenses.
Don't rely solely on investments for living costs.
Keep some funds aside for emergencies.

Investment Portfolio Review

Your portfolio has performed well over the years.
Consider rebalancing to maintain proper asset allocation.
Actively managed funds can help navigate market changes.

Construction Project Management

Get detailed cost estimates from reliable contractors.
Factor in potential delays and cost overruns.
Consider hiring a project manager to oversee construction.

Exit Strategy

Have a clear plan for selling or renting the apartments.
Research local property market trends.
Be prepared for possible delays in property sale.

Retirement Planning

Ensure this project doesn't jeopardize your retirement savings.
Keep a portion of your investments untouched for future needs.
Regular funds through CFP can provide ongoing guidance.

Finally

Your plan has potential but carries significant risks.
Consider less risky alternatives to achieve your goals.
Consult a Certified Financial Planner for personalized advice.
Regular review of your financial situation is crucial.

Best Regards,
K. Ramalingam, MBA, CFP,
Chief Financial Planner,
www.holisticinvestment.in

..Read more

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Anu

Anu Krishna  |1285 Answers  |Ask -

Relationships Expert, Mind Coach - Answered on Nov 08, 2024

Asked by Anonymous - Nov 06, 2024Hindi
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Relationship
Hello Ms Anu, I am a 42yr female..married since 14 yrs and have 10yr old son . I am highly qualified and financially independent. My marriage was a arranged one.. but in these 14 yrs.. I never experienced love or and attachment from my husband's side. He is a family man.. there is no other woman involved..He loves his parents and his two sisters immensely... but always treats me as a option. I feel humiliated and lonely and he has short temper when i talk about this issue... so basically I don't discuss... but that is no solution... I am suffering and unhappy. What should I do?
Ans: Dear Anonymous,
A few married men can be more focused on the women on their side of the family; it becomes easy to express love, care and attention to them as he has grown with them.
A wife happens to be someone that he is yet to understand. It requires effort to make a marriage work; your husband finds it convenient to take the easy way out and 'hang out' with his family.
So, here you take the lead and start. Start not by bringing forth your complaints as this is going to push him further to them which is going to annoy you BUT by inviting him to be with you. A lot of work, I get it...but the bottom line: that's what you want, right?
Plan dates evenings, take short vacations together, work-out together...the key is to establish a connection which never had its chance in the first place...So, give your best shot! Most times actions speak louder than words ever can...

All the best!
Anu Krishna
Mind Coach|NLP Trainer|Author
Drop in: www.unfear.io
Reach me: Facebook: anukrish07/ AND LinkedIn: anukrishna-joyofserving/

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Anu

Anu Krishna  |1285 Answers  |Ask -

Relationships Expert, Mind Coach - Answered on Nov 08, 2024

Relationship
Namaste Mam Main Ek Ladki Se Bohot Pyaar Karta Hun Lekin Woh Kisi Aur Se Pyaar Karti Ek Wakt Pahle Woh Ladki Meri Acchi Dost Thi Fir Maine Soccha Ki Usse Ek Yeh Kehdu Ki Main Usse Be Inteha Pyaar Karta Hun Maine Usse Keh Diya Par Usne Muzhe Mana Kiya Eh Kehke Ki Usse Pyaar Karne Main Dilchajbi Nahi Aur Wahan Se Chali Gai Main Uss Din Bohot Dipretion Main Tha Fir Maine Yeh Faisla Kiya Ki Woh Apne Bhai Maa Baap Se Darkar Iss Rashte Ko Banane Main Dar Rahi Hogi Par Aaise Karte Karte 2 Saal Ho Gaye Aur Fir Ik Din Achanak Do Saal Baad Yeh Kehne Aati Hain Ki Main Ek Ladke Se Pyaar Karti Aur Tab Maine Usse Puccha Kya Tum Usse Shaadi Bhi Karna Chahti Ho To Ussne Jhijakte Hue Yeh Jawab Diya Ki Woh Usse Shaadi Karna Chahti Darsal Woh Mere Paas Yeh Madat Mangni Aai Thi Ki Woh Usse Milne Jaana Chahti Hain Aur Usse Usko Milne Keliye Kucch Paiso Ki Jarurat Hain To Maine Uss Situation Ko Samjhakar Uski Baaton Ko Samjhakar Usse Paise De Diye Magar Woh Muzhe Usse Pehle Maine Usse Yeh Kahan Ki Tum Mere Paas Kaise Aai Paise Mangne To Usne Kaha Ki Woh Muzhe Uska Ek Accha Dost Manti Isiliye Woh Mere Paas Madat Mangni Aai Thi Iska Main Matlab Kya Samjhu Ki Woh Muzhe Sachme Accha Dost Mantti Hain Yah Sirf Usse Paison Ki Jaruart Thi Isliye Agar Muzhe Apna Accha Dost Manti Hain To Kya Woh Bhavishya Main uss Ladke Jisse Woh Pyaar Karti Agar Uss Ladke Ne Uss Ladki Ki Dhoka Diya To Kya Woh Mere Paas Wapas Aa Sakti Kya Woh Mere Saath Shaadi Kar Sakti Hain Main Abbhi Usse Utna Hi Pyaar Karta Hoon Aur Usse Kabhi Kabar Baad Chit Karne Mile To Usse Healthy Conversation Karta Hoon To Kya Yeh Sambhav Ho Sakta Hain Ki Woh Aage Chalkar Mere Future Wife Bane Aur Main Uske Saath Hamesha Khush Rah Saku Aur Usse Khush Rakh Saku
Ans: Dear Hemant,
Nah! Bilkul nahin aur agar kabhi aisa hua bhi toh yeh zaroor jaan lena ki use aur koi mila nahin aur woh yeh jaanti hai ki aapka pyaar aapki kamzori hai isiliye koi bhi haalaat mein aap use sweekar kar lenge. Majboori hogi uski jab woh aapko chunegi, naaki yeh ki woh aap se pyaar karti hai...aur aise rishte zyaada tikte nahin.
Jab wusne saaf kahaa hai ki aapko dost maanti hai, toh is baat ko maan lijiye; yeh nah karke aapne khayaali Pulao pakaana shuru kiya hai...ki kya yeh hoga toh woh aapke paas chali aayegi...yeh nahin hoga toh woh kya aapse shaadi karegi?
Yeh sirf aapki zidd hai aur yahi zidd aapko maayusi ke alawaa kuch nahin dega.
Apni zindagi jiye, uspe dhyaan de kyonki yahi sab baatein leke baithenge toh khud ki zindagi mein aage badhne ke mauke bhi aapko nazar nahin aayenge.
Aur jahaan tak aapse paise maangne ki baat hai, toh use yeh toh zaroor pataa hai ki aap usse pyaar karte hain aur uski koi baat ko taalenge nahin...Toh paise ke liye manaa kaise karenge...Yeh jaan le ki woh aapse pyaar nahin karti aur jitni jaldi is baat ko maan lenge aap khule dil se jee paayenge. Naye dost banaye, nayi anubhavon ko aapnaaye; yeh sab tab hoga jab aap is kisse ko dimaag se hataa lenge...koshish kijiye...

All the best!
Anu Krishna
Mind Coach|NLP Trainer|Author
Drop in: www.unfear.io
Reach me: Facebook: anukrish07/ AND LinkedIn: anukrishna-joyofserving/

...Read more

Anu

Anu Krishna  |1285 Answers  |Ask -

Relationships Expert, Mind Coach - Answered on Nov 08, 2024

Asked by Anonymous - Nov 06, 2024
Relationship
Hi Anu, i am 34 year old woman married to a 41 year old man. We are married for past 10 years. We had no sexual relationship for first 5 years, after lot of pestering and fights and realisation that there must a physical problem at my husband’s end i convinced him to visit an expert in this domain. Turns out he had low testosterone level. He took the necessary medication and i really tried for 1 year to make it work. It worked to a certain extent but it was more like a chore than something we really want to do. Then we decided that we should go for a baby as well while we are at it. Now my daughter is 2.5. Things never got better. We don’t talk about our lack of any intimacy physical or mental. We are living like roommates. He is the best husband a person can ask for on paper. My parents love him. He is the nicest guy. But in reality we never had any connection and no comparability. And whatever attraction and love i had for him in the beginning is lost completely. I have no idea what goes on his mind. He is a closed book i could never open. He accepts the problem but blames me too if i force him to open up. I am in such a bad place mentally. I keep thinking about the one life i got, i wasted it. Why did i get married so soon? I like someone in office who i have no future with because he is in some other country. I do not know what to do and how to live my life. I get thoughts that life should not be so long.
Ans: Dear Anonymous,
A case where the person shuts down because he carries the guilt of what is happening to him and what he is facing...not a very useful way of dealing with the situation but when society has drummed it into us that a 'man' is defined by his masculine traits and behaviors, can you blame him for it?
He is possibly embarrassed and this could be a reason for him 'closing down' within the marriage. He needs to be slowly cajoled out of what he is feeling...What the two of you could do is: start the marriage as though it is Day One...
Now, how would the two of you connect? How would things be different?
It is an attempt to reconnect with no past baggage which helps in focusing on each other in the present day. That helps in making good solid commitments to one another but of course, there has to be a lot of communication in this process. Do take the help of a professional if this feels too much to go through by yourselves.
And as for the colleague; hmmmm grass on the other side will always seem greener!

All the best!
Anu Krishna
Mind Coach|NLP Trainer|Author
Drop in: www.unfear.io
Reach me: Facebook: anukrish07/ AND LinkedIn: anukrishna-joyofserving/

...Read more

Kanchan

Kanchan Rai  |398 Answers  |Ask -

Relationships Expert, Mind Coach - Answered on Nov 08, 2024

Asked by Anonymous - May 17, 2024Hindi
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Relationship
Mam i love a boy.. Who is 2 yr younger then me and... Now he is preparing for jE.. Post and... My parents worry about my marriage... I told him about this.... He is craying... So much... He love s me very much.... He don't tell about this relationship.....to his parents.. Because he dont have any.... Job..... What should i do mam.... Plz.... Tell me... Mamm plzzz
Ans: First, have an honest conversation with him about what both of you realistically can and cannot do right now. Since he is still working on his future and you feel pressure from your family, try to think about how much time he might need to reach a stable point. Then, consider whether waiting for him is something that is possible for you and acceptable to your family.

It might also be helpful to have a calm conversation with your parents, expressing your feelings for him while being open about the current situation. Sometimes parents worry because they don’t know the full picture. Explaining that he is working hard toward his career goals may give them a better understanding. You could also ask them if they’d be willing to wait for some time before making any decisions on your marriage, if they feel comfortable with that.

If waiting is not possible and your family pressures you to consider other options, it’s important to think about your own long-term happiness and make the best choice for you. These situations are never easy, but by staying honest with yourself and your family, you will be able to make a decision that respects both your love and your future stability.

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Kanchan

Kanchan Rai  |398 Answers  |Ask -

Relationships Expert, Mind Coach - Answered on Nov 08, 2024

Asked by Anonymous - Jul 22, 2024Hindi
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Relationship
Hello, There is a woman in my office working in my department. She is my friend's wife and was referred by me for this job. We get to work closely often, but we both make opportunities to get to work together. Most of our time spent is on work related items, with few minutes of casual chats, and we both have spent a lot of time alone in office, working extra hours and all. I have a feeling that I am starting to yearn to spend time with her on work and she also tries to be around me. We both text outside of office hours, share a lot of "inside" jokes and we both look to be enjoying the time together. I am in a confused state because it looks like she is giving me a lot of signs to move forward to next levels, but I am pulling back and not advancing. We both are married and have families. Any advice?
Ans: To manage this, start by gently reinforcing professional boundaries. While it may feel awkward initially, limiting the personal, non-work-related conversations and texts can create some emotional distance. This will not only help reduce feelings of attachment but also prevent misunderstandings or assumptions from developing on either side. At the same time, it may be beneficial to reflect on your own life and current relationships. Often, feelings that arise outside our primary relationship can signal needs or emotions that might require attention within our existing commitments.

Redirecting your focus back to your own relationship with your spouse and engaging in activities that strengthen that bond can bring a renewed appreciation for the life you have built. Rekindling affection, open communication, and connection with your spouse could help provide a sense of fulfillment that might reduce the attraction you’re feeling toward your colleague.

It may also help to remind yourself of the potential risks involved, not only to your family life but also to your professional reputation and friendships. By focusing on maintaining a respectful, professional, and appropriate connection, you’re honoring both your commitments and protecting the integrity of all relationships involved. Choosing not to act on these feelings will ultimately support the stability of your personal life and career, allowing you to maintain a healthy and professional environment at work.

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Kanchan

Kanchan Rai  |398 Answers  |Ask -

Relationships Expert, Mind Coach - Answered on Nov 08, 2024

Asked by Anonymous - Aug 09, 2024Hindi
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Relationship
Hi I brought up from a middle class family now I'm married and having 3 yrs kid, my younger brother recently got married! Ever since his marg there was a problem going on between my mom, brother and her wife , all the 3 of them bringing their problems to me and husband it creates a huge impact on my mental health due to their problems, if I try to resolve nobody is listening, I'm staying nearby my parents which is a big disadvantage, directly it's affecting me and my family? I don't know how to overcome from this type of issue
Ans: A compassionate but firm boundary can make a difference here. For instance, you could gently explain to your mother, brother, and his wife that while you understand and empathize with their challenges, you’re finding it difficult to handle all the tension that arises from these discussions. You might let them know that, for the sake of your own mental health and family well-being, you need to step back from being involved in any discussions about their conflicts.

If they do come to you with their concerns, try gently redirecting them, perhaps by suggesting that they talk directly to each other or even consider family counseling if they’re open to it. Remind them that only they can solve these issues by communicating directly, rather than relying on you as a mediator. Over time, they may begin to understand that their repeated involvement of you is not a productive solution.

Creating some physical and emotional space is key. If living nearby is heightening the tension, consider adjusting how often you interact in person. Focusing more on your own family’s peace, stability, and happiness will also help. It may feel challenging at first, but taking steps to protect your boundaries will benefit everyone, and gradually, they may even recognize the need to work out these issues themselves without depending on you.

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Kanchan

Kanchan Rai  |398 Answers  |Ask -

Relationships Expert, Mind Coach - Answered on Nov 08, 2024

Asked by Anonymous - Aug 10, 2024Hindi
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Relationship
Hi ma’am, I am a 27 year old girl. My father is a very strict person. Since childhood I have tolerated many things like I was not allowed to make friends(not even girls, forgot about boys). When I was 12 years old I was told that I was not allowed to talk to boys, and if my father ever saw me doing so, he will kill me. So, I was not allowed to talk to any friend, forget about going out and other stuff. All I used to do is sit in my room and study,I was not allowed to go out to play, wasn’t allowed to watch tv, not even allowed to go and play with cousins. Even if there was a wedding in my family, i was not allowed to go out and enjoy. And this has continued till date. I am still not allowed to go out without my father’s permission. Although I live in Bengaluru and work in a big company with a high paying job. Even the salary I get is not mine. Because my father takes it from me and I can’t say no to him. I use to say to me that if I ever did anything which he thinks is wrong, he will kill me, or will not allow me to go to college and now he will not allow me to work. And now he want me to get married to someone of his choice because of caste system. But I have a boyfriend and I want to marry my him. But I can’t even tell this to my father, because once I tell him this, he will not allow me to leave the house ever again and he would get me married to next person he finds. I am very scared of him. I don’t want to get married to anyone but my boyfriend. What should I do? Should I run away and get married to my boyfriend. I don’t know what my father will do then. He is a very controlling person .
Ans: To start, consider small steps that allow you to establish a greater sense of independence. Setting aside a portion of your income in an account only you can access, even if done quietly, can help you prepare financially for the future you envision with your boyfriend. Gaining control over your finances can also give you a greater sense of autonomy, which is key for your emotional and practical well-being.

Considering your father’s intense reaction to any choices that don’t align with his, safety is a priority. Consulting with a therapist or a counselor could help you process the emotional impact of your experiences and, importantly, develop strategies for how to approach this situation. Speaking to a counselor may also help you find a safe way to discuss your relationship with your father and express your own wishes while understanding any resources that might be available to you if needed.

If, ultimately, you decide to move forward with your relationship and marriage independently of your father’s permission, preparing yourself for potential emotional fallout is essential. While it’s natural to hope for family acceptance, remember that creating your own happiness is equally important. Over time, if your father can see that you’re stable, happy, and independent, he may eventually respect your decision.

Taking steps toward your own life may feel overwhelming, but with support and gradual changes, you can find a path that balances your love for your family with your need for self-respect, autonomy, and a future that you choose.

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