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Moneywize

Moneywize   |174 Answers  |Ask -

Financial Planner - Answered on Jun 11, 2024

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Asked by Anonymous - Jun 09, 2024Hindi
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Kindly review my SIPs. Are these good for long term investment? Kotak Multicap Fund – Rs 6500 pm HDFC Smallcap Direct – Rs 6500 pm SBI Bluechip Fund Direct Growth - Rs 6500 pm UTI Aggressive Hybrid Fund - Rs 6500 pm HDFC Mid Cap Opportunities - Rs 6500 pm Total investment is Rs 32500 pm.

Ans: Your Systematic Investment Plans (SIPs) reflect a diversified portfolio spread across different types of equity funds. Here’s a detailed review of each fund, along with considerations for long-term investment:

1. Kotak Multicap Fund – Rs 6500 pm

• Type: Multicap Fund
• Pros: Offers a diversified exposure across large, mid, and small cap stocks, which helps in balancing risk and returns. These funds are versatile and can adapt to different market conditions.
• Cons: Performance can vary significantly based on market trends and the fund manager's strategy.

2. HDFC Smallcap Direct – Rs 6500 pm

• Type: Small Cap Fund
• Pros: Small cap funds have the potential for high returns as they invest in emerging companies with growth potential.
• Cons: High risk due to volatility and lower liquidity. Suitable for investors with a high risk tolerance and long-term horizon.

3. SBI Bluechip Fund Direct Growth - Rs 6500 pm

• Type: Large Cap Fund
• Pros: Invests in established companies with stable performance. Lower risk compared to mid and small cap funds.
• Cons: Generally, returns are moderate but stable, which might be lower than mid and small cap funds in a bull market.

4. UTI Aggressive Hybrid Fund - Rs 6500 pm

• Type: Hybrid Fund (Aggressive)
• Pros: Balances risk by investing in a mix of equities and debt instruments. Potential for moderate returns with lower volatility compared to pure equity funds.
• Cons: Equity portion can still be volatile, and the debt portion may provide lower returns compared to pure equity funds.

5. HDFC Mid Cap Opportunities - Rs 6500 pm

• Type: Mid Cap Fund
• Pros: Mid cap funds have the potential for higher returns than large cap funds and are less volatile than small cap funds. They invest in companies with growth potential.
• Cons: Riskier than large cap funds but less so than small cap funds. Market conditions can affect performance significantly.

Portfolio Analysis:

• Diversification: Your portfolio is well-diversified across different market capitalisations (large cap, mid cap, and small cap) and fund types (multicap and hybrid), which helps in spreading risk.
• Risk Profile: The inclusion of small cap and mid cap funds increases the overall risk but also the potential for higher returns. The hybrid fund adds a layer of stability with its debt component.
• Investment Horizon: For long-term investments (5-10 years or more), this mix is generally good as it allows time for the more volatile small and mid cap funds to realise their growth potential.
• Monthly Contribution: A total of Rs 32,500 pm is a substantial and consistent investment, which is beneficial for compounding and wealth creation over time.

Recommendations:

• Monitor Performance: Regularly review the performance of these funds. While long-term investments should not be changed frequently, it's important to ensure that the funds are performing in line with your expectations and market conditions.
• Fund Manager Changes: Keep an eye on any changes in the fund management team, as this can impact fund performance.
• Rebalance Portfolio: Periodically rebalance your portfolio based on life goals, market conditions, and performance of the funds.
• Risk Tolerance: Assess your risk tolerance periodically. If your risk appetite decreases, consider shifting some investments from high-risk funds (like small and mid caps) to more stable options (like large caps or hybrid funds).

Overall, your SIPs appear well-thought-out and suitable for long-term investment, provided you are comfortable with the associated risks and actively monitor your portfolio.
DISCLAIMER: The content of this post by the expert is the personal view of the rediffGURU. Users are advised to pursue the information provided by the rediffGURU only as a source of information to be as a point of reference and to rely on their own judgement when making a decision.
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Ramalingam

Ramalingam Kalirajan  |7758 Answers  |Ask -

Mutual Funds, Financial Planning Expert - Answered on May 18, 2024

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Hello Sir, Kindly review my SIPs as below. Are these good for long term investment perspective? HDFC Smallcap Direct---------Rs.6500 pm HDFC Mid Cap Opportunities---------Rs.6500 pm Kotak Multicap Fund----------Rs.4000 pm SBI Bluechip Fund Direct Growth---------Rs.3500 pm UTI Aggressive Hybrid Fund----------Rs.3500 pm Total Rs.24000 pm.
Ans: Assessment of Systematic Investment Plans (SIPs) for Long-Term Investment

Investment Portfolio Evaluation

Your investment choices showcase a diversified portfolio, aiming for growth and stability over the long haul. Let’s delve into each component and assess their potential for your financial goals.

Equity Funds for Growth

Equity funds hold the potential for substantial growth over the long term, but they come with inherent volatility. Your selection includes a mix of small-cap, mid-cap, and multicap funds, each catering to different segments of the market.

Small-cap and Mid-cap Funds: The Growth Engines

Small-cap and mid-cap funds have historically shown potential for high growth, but they also carry higher risk due to their exposure to smaller companies. However, their ability to outperform large-cap stocks over the long term is noteworthy.

Multicap Fund: Balancing Risk and Return

Multicap funds offer the advantage of diversification across market capitalizations, thereby spreading risk. They are well-suited for investors seeking balanced growth opportunities across various sectors and market segments.

Large-cap and Hybrid Funds for Stability

Including large-cap and hybrid funds in your portfolio introduces stability and mitigates risk. Large-cap funds typically invest in well-established companies, offering stability during market downturns. Hybrid funds, blending equity and debt, provide a cushion against market volatility.

Disadvantages of Direct Funds

Direct funds may seem cost-effective due to lower expense ratios, but they require investors to conduct their own research and make investment decisions independently. This approach may not be suitable for all investors, especially those lacking expertise or time for thorough analysis.

Benefits of Investing Through a Certified Financial Planner (CFP)

Investing through a CFP offers several advantages, including personalized guidance, comprehensive financial planning, and ongoing portfolio management. A CFP can help align your investments with your financial goals, risk tolerance, and time horizon, ensuring a holistic approach to wealth management.

Disadvantages of Index Funds

While index funds offer low costs and broad market exposure, they lack the potential for outperformance compared to actively managed funds. Additionally, index funds are susceptible to market downturns without the active management strategies employed by fund managers.

In conclusion, your SIPs reflect a well-thought-out approach to long-term investing, blending growth-oriented equity funds with stable large-cap and hybrid options. However, consider leveraging the expertise of a CFP to optimize your portfolio and navigate market uncertainties effectively.

Best Regards,

K. Ramalingam, MBA, CFP,

Chief Financial Planner,

www.holisticinvestment.in

..Read more

Ramalingam

Ramalingam Kalirajan  |7758 Answers  |Ask -

Mutual Funds, Financial Planning Expert - Answered on Jul 27, 2024

Asked by Anonymous - Jun 12, 2024Hindi
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Sir, I am new and I have started investing in SIP of 7 thousand from this month: quant small cap fund direct -1000, Tata small cap fund-500, quant mid cap fund direct- 1000, Nippon India large cap-1000, UTI nifty 50 index fund - 2000, JM FLEXI cap fund direct-500, Aditya Birla sunlife psu equity-1000 Please inform me whether these funds are good and also I hv plan to keep these sips for 10 yr horizon.
Ans: Your Current Investment Portfolio

You have started investing Rs. 7,000 monthly through SIPs. This is a great step towards building your financial future. Your portfolio includes a mix of small cap, mid cap, large cap, flexi cap, index, and sectoral funds. Here’s an analysis of your choices:

Small Cap Fund: Rs. 1,500
Mid Cap Fund: Rs. 1,000
Large Cap Fund: Rs. 1,000
Index Fund: Rs. 2,000
Flexi Cap Fund: Rs. 500
Sectoral Fund: Rs. 1,000
Evaluation of Your Portfolio

1. Small Cap Funds

Small cap funds can provide high returns. However, they come with high risk. Having Rs. 1,500 in small cap funds is acceptable, but be prepared for volatility.

2. Mid Cap Fund

Mid cap funds balance risk and return. They have growth potential with moderate risk. Your Rs. 1,000 investment here is well-placed.

3. Large Cap Fund

Large cap funds are more stable. They provide steady returns. Your Rs. 1,000 investment in a large cap fund is good for stability.

4. Index Fund

Index funds track the market. However, they do not adapt to market changes. This can limit returns. Instead, consider actively managed funds for better performance.

5. Flexi Cap Fund

Flexi cap funds provide flexibility. They invest across market caps. Your Rs. 500 in a flexi cap fund is a good choice for diversification.

6. Sectoral Fund

Sectoral funds focus on specific sectors. They carry higher risk. Rs. 1,000 in a sectoral fund is fine, but keep an eye on sector performance.

Disadvantages of Index Funds

Index funds mimic the market. They do not adjust to market conditions. This can limit potential returns. Actively managed funds offer professional management. They adapt to market changes and seize opportunities.

Disadvantages of Direct Funds

Direct funds need constant monitoring. They require you to actively manage and rebalance your portfolio. This can be time-consuming. Regular funds, managed through a Certified Financial Planner (CFP), offer professional advice and management.

Benefits of Actively Managed Funds

Actively managed funds aim to outperform the market. They are managed by experts who make strategic decisions. These funds can deliver higher returns compared to index funds.

Suggestions for Additional Investments

Since you plan to keep these SIPs for a 10-year horizon, consider these additions:

1. Balanced Advantage Funds

These funds adjust the equity-debt mix. They provide growth with stability.

2. International Funds

These funds invest globally. They offer diversification beyond Indian markets.

3. Debt Funds

These funds provide stability. They are good for balancing your portfolio.

Systematic Investment Plan (SIP)

Continue with your SIP approach. It helps in disciplined investing. SIPs also average out the purchase cost, reducing market timing risk.

Review and Rebalance

Regularly review your portfolio. Ensure it aligns with your goals and risk tolerance. Make adjustments if necessary.

Consult a Certified Financial Planner

A CFP can provide tailored advice. They manage your portfolio professionally and ensure your investments are aligned with your goals.

Final Insights

Your current mutual fund investments are diversified. However, consider replacing index funds with actively managed funds. This can enhance your returns.

Diversify further with balanced advantage, international, and debt funds. Continue with SIPs and consult a CFP for professional advice.

Best Regards,

K. Ramalingam, MBA, CFP,

Chief Financial Planner,

www.holisticinvestment.in

..Read more

Ramalingam

Ramalingam Kalirajan  |7758 Answers  |Ask -

Mutual Funds, Financial Planning Expert - Answered on Jun 19, 2024

Asked by Anonymous - Jun 19, 2024Hindi
Money
Sir, I am new and I have started investing in SIP of 7 thousand from this month: quant small cap fund direct -1000, Tata small cap fund-500, quant mid cap fund direct- 1000, Nippon India large cap-1000, UTI nifty 50 index fund - 2000, JM FLEXI cap fund direct-500, Aditya Birla sunlife psu equity-1000 Please inform me whether these funds are good and also I hv plan to keep these sips for 10 yr horizon.
Ans: Let's dive into a detailed analysis and provide you with comprehensive guidance on your SIP investments for a 10-year horizon. It's great to see your initiative in starting a systematic investment plan. Here's a thorough evaluation of your investment portfolio with a focus on various aspects to help you understand the implications of your choices and make informed decisions.

Understanding Your Current Investment Portfolio
You've chosen a diverse mix of mutual funds for your SIPs, which is a good strategy. This diversity helps in spreading risk and capturing growth from different segments of the market. Let's break down your investments into categories and analyze each one:

Small Cap Funds: You've invested in two small cap funds. Small cap funds have the potential for high growth, but they also come with high volatility.

Mid Cap Funds: You've allocated funds to a mid cap fund. Mid caps strike a balance between growth potential and risk.

Large Cap Funds: You've chosen a large cap fund, which provides stability to your portfolio with lower risk compared to small and mid cap funds.

Index Funds: You've invested in an index fund, which aims to replicate the performance of the Nifty 50 index.

Flexi Cap Funds: You've invested in a flexi cap fund, which offers the flexibility to invest across market caps.

Sector-Specific Funds: You've allocated funds to a PSU equity fund. Sector-specific funds can be volatile and are often dependent on the sector's performance.

Evaluating Small Cap Funds
Small cap funds can deliver impressive returns, especially in a growing economy. However, they are highly volatile and susceptible to market fluctuations. Over a 10-year horizon, these funds can provide substantial growth if the companies perform well.

Advantages:

High growth potential.
Beneficial in a bullish market.
Disadvantages:

High volatility.
Risk of significant losses during market downturns.
Mid Cap Funds: Balancing Growth and Stability
Mid cap funds offer a balance between the high growth potential of small caps and the stability of large caps. These funds invest in mid-sized companies that have significant growth potential and are more stable than small caps.

Advantages:

Potential for good returns.
Moderate risk compared to small caps.
Disadvantages:

Can be volatile.
Requires a longer investment horizon to mitigate risks.
Large Cap Funds: Stability and Consistent Returns
Large cap funds invest in well-established companies with a solid track record. These funds provide stability to your portfolio and are less volatile compared to small and mid cap funds.

Advantages:

Lower risk and volatility.
Consistent returns over the long term.
Disadvantages:

Lower growth potential compared to small and mid caps.
Returns may be modest.
Index Funds: A Critical Analysis
You've invested in an index fund which tracks the Nifty 50. Index funds are passively managed and aim to replicate the index's performance. While they offer diversification and low expense ratios, there are some drawbacks:

Disadvantages:

Limited to the performance of the index.
Cannot outperform the market.
Lack of active management to navigate market downturns.
Benefits of Actively Managed Funds:

Potential to outperform the market.
Active management to mitigate risks.
Flexibility in changing market conditions.
Flexi Cap Funds: Versatile and Adaptive
Flexi cap funds are versatile as they can invest across different market capitalizations. This flexibility allows the fund manager to capitalize on opportunities in any segment.

Advantages:

Diversification across market caps.
Ability to adapt to market conditions.
Disadvantages:

Performance highly dependent on the fund manager's expertise.
May have higher expense ratios.
Sector-Specific Funds: Concentrated Risk
You've invested in a PSU equity fund, which focuses on public sector undertakings. Sector-specific funds can be rewarding if the sector performs well but are highly risky.

Advantages:

High returns if the sector performs well.
Targeted exposure to a specific sector.
Disadvantages:

High risk due to concentration in one sector.
Performance is sector-dependent and can be volatile.
Active vs. Direct Funds: Considerations
You've chosen direct funds, which means you invest directly with the mutual fund company without intermediaries. While this can save on commission fees, there are advantages to investing through a Certified Financial Planner (CFP):

Disadvantages of Direct Funds:

Requires thorough research and understanding.
No professional guidance in fund selection and management.
Benefits of Investing through CFP:

Expert advice and tailored investment strategies.
Regular portfolio review and adjustments.
Better understanding of market trends and opportunities.
Long-Term Investment Strategy
A 10-year investment horizon is a substantial period, allowing you to ride out market volatility and benefit from compounding returns. Here's how you can make the most of your investments:

1. Stay Consistent with SIPs:
Continue your SIPs regularly to benefit from rupee cost averaging, which helps in buying more units when prices are low and fewer when prices are high.

2. Diversify Your Portfolio:
Ensure your portfolio remains diversified across different market caps and sectors to spread risk and capture growth from various segments.

3. Review and Rebalance:
Periodically review your portfolio with a CFP to ensure it aligns with your financial goals. Rebalancing helps in maintaining the desired asset allocation.

4. Monitor Performance:
Track the performance of your funds and compare them with benchmark indices. If a fund consistently underperforms, consider switching to better-performing alternatives.

5. Focus on Financial Goals:
Align your investments with specific financial goals, such as retirement, children's education, or buying a home. This helps in maintaining discipline and focus.

Final Insights
Investing in SIPs for a 10-year horizon is a smart choice. You've diversified across different types of funds, which is commendable. However, it's crucial to regularly review your portfolio, seek expert advice, and make adjustments as needed. Stay informed about market trends and remain consistent with your investments. Your financial journey is a marathon, not a sprint. With patience and prudent decision-making, you're likely to achieve your financial goals.

Best Regards,

K. Ramalingam, MBA, CFP

Chief Financial Planner

www.holisticinvestment.in

..Read more

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Milind

Milind Vadjikar  |956 Answers  |Ask -

Insurance, Stocks, MF, PF Expert - Answered on Feb 02, 2025

Asked by Anonymous - Feb 01, 2025Hindi
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Money
I am a 48 year old widow. I have a 21 yr old daughter in college. I had quit my job, but rejoined now and have a monthly take home of 1L 15k. I receive similar pension amount too. But this pension amount will get reduced to 90k after 10 years. I have an own property (apartment bought in 2010) - 14 k rent monthly. I have around 40 L that I wish to invest. I am still coping with the loss and am confused as to what I need to do to get a grip on the finances. I have invested around 12 L in mutual funds. I have applied for a term insurance - around 1 L annual premium for 10 years. I am also repaying the home loan around 15k per month with tenure left for 20 months. I am planning to move out on my own from my sister's place where I am staying now (my own house is not in Bangalore where I work). So, I will definitely need 25k per month for rent if I move out. Please advise on how to manage my finances. Shall I repay the home loan and clear the debt (around 5 L principal outstanding)? Should I invest in some pension plans? Please advise. Thanks!
Ans: Hello;

Yes you should settle off the outstanding home loan.

Also you may open an NPS account for retirement planning. Do contribute to it on a regular basis and also do onetime lumpsum investment.

Also open an PPF account with investment of 12.5 K per month.

Get sufficient term plan coverage for atleast 20 years and not less.

No need to invest in pension plan if you are investing in NPS. It is far superior in terms of tax liability, flexibility, returns and costs.

Prefer hybrid mutual funds(dynamic asset allocation or multi asset allocation fund)for your investments.

Buy a good health insurance cover for yourself and your daughter irrespective of group policy, if any, available from employer.

Do nomination in all your financial investments and also make a legally valid will.

In a nutshell, you will have 3 investments PPF, NPS and mutual funds (hybrid) and insurance premiums for term cover and healthcare policy.

Loss of partner is very difficult to deal with but you also need to focus on the education of your daughter and guide her for better prospects.

Best wishes;
X: @mars_invest

...Read more

Kanchan

Kanchan Rai  |519 Answers  |Ask -

Relationships Expert, Mind Coach - Answered on Feb 02, 2025

Asked by Anonymous - Oct 07, 2024Hindi
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Relationship
Married for 14 years have 4 kids below 7 age for the past 9 to 10 years going through troubled marriage, not happy. Misunderstanding, high expectations, manipulation and single handed decisions by my wife have exhausted me . Want to come out of marriage but worried of kids and also my wife says no to divorce. Don't know what to do.. First 2 kids by IVF 2nd two kids due to my wife's longing for male child
Ans: Your love for your kids is evident, and it’s natural to fear how a separation would affect them. But the reality is, children pick up on tension, conflict, and unhappiness at home. Staying in a marriage that drains you emotionally and mentally isn’t necessarily better for them in the long run. Kids need a stable, loving environment, and if you’re constantly feeling manipulated and exhausted, it affects the energy you bring into their lives.

You don’t have to make a rushed decision, but you do need clarity. Have you tried setting firm boundaries and communicating your need for a more balanced relationship? If you’ve already done everything you can and nothing has changed, then it may be time to explore legal options, even if she says no to divorce. In most cases, a divorce doesn’t require both partners to agree—it just makes the process more complicated.

You deserve a life where you feel respected, valued, and emotionally free. Your children deserve a father who is at peace, not one who is silently suffering. It might be hard to take the next step, but staying in an unhappy marriage just for the sake of avoiding conflict can take a greater toll on everyone involved. You need to consider what will truly allow you—and your kids—to have a healthier and happier future.

...Read more

Kanchan

Kanchan Rai  |519 Answers  |Ask -

Relationships Expert, Mind Coach - Answered on Feb 02, 2025

Asked by Anonymous - Jan 31, 2025Hindi
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Relationship
I am 41, but single now. I got married when I was 32 and got divorced in 6 months after I found out my wife was cheating on me with her ex who she was forbidden from getting married. When confronted she simply walked away and sent me a divorce notice. The next three years were spent in courts trying to tell my version of the story. Since then I have had a tough time trusting people. My marriage was unfortunate and short lived. But my parents still want me to try again. I am in a live-in relationship with a girl who is 3 years elder to me. Are unmarried couples happier than married ones? I feel marriage can restrict you in many ways which is why people feel stagnated and bored. What do you think?
Ans: When it comes to happiness, it really depends on the individuals involved rather than whether they are married or unmarried. Some couples thrive in a marriage because they see it as a partnership built on mutual respect and emotional security. Others feel stifled by the societal expectations and responsibilities that often come with marriage. A live-in relationship can offer more flexibility and personal freedom, but it also comes with its own challenges—such as a lack of legal protections or social acceptance in certain cultures.

The key is understanding what works best for you. If you feel content in your current live-in relationship and it gives you the companionship, trust, and emotional fulfillment you need, then that’s what truly matters. However, if you feel hesitant mainly because of past trauma rather than your actual desires, it might be worth reflecting on whether your fears are holding you back from something you may actually want deep down.

At the end of the day, happiness isn’t about being married or unmarried—it’s about being in a relationship (or choosing to be single) that makes you feel emotionally secure, valued, and free to be yourself. If marriage feels like a cage to you, then it may not be the right path. But if you ever find a connection that makes commitment feel like a choice rather than an obligation, your perspective might shift. The most important thing is that whatever path you choose, it aligns with your true needs and not just the expectations of others.

...Read more

Kanchan

Kanchan Rai  |519 Answers  |Ask -

Relationships Expert, Mind Coach - Answered on Feb 02, 2025

Asked by Anonymous - Jan 23, 2025Hindi
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Relationship
Hello there!! There are past trauma experiences in my relationship due to caste issue since my family are strictly against it . But I eventually liked another boy seeing his true love n affection n care towards me , he loved me since our skl days !! He expressed himself but i gave him my answerr after many yrs due my past experiences!! But eventually we had a healthy relationship ,and he told me he is of same caste!! Since his father lied to him related to this to keep him away from this caste called thing!! But now his father relved tht it was a lie !! Now we ended up intercaste!! We truly love each other we dreamt of our future together!! He became huge part of my life !! His family is okay with me regarding our marriage but my family is strongly opposed to this intercaste thing!! We are 24 yrs we thought of settle in our lifes and approach my parents few years back since untill fewdays back we together thought we are of same caste so there eill be no issue!! But now within few days n few lies our both world n hopes turned upside down!! I cant make my family suffer due to me!! At same time i cant leave him im struck !! What should we do!!
Ans: Your family’s suffering is a valid concern, but will they truly suffer because of your decision, or is it more about their expectations and societal norms? Often, parents react strongly at first, but with time, they adjust when they see their child happy and settled. Right now, their resistance is based on tradition and belief systems they’ve held for years. But is their love for you truly conditional on whom you marry? Would they rather see you unhappy in a marriage they approve of than happy in one they initially resisted?

Your happiness and future matter just as much as your family’s feelings. If you truly cannot see a life without him, you need to ask yourself whether sacrificing that love for family approval will truly bring you peace. Walking away from love to please others often leads to lifelong regret. On the other hand, if you fight for your relationship, you might face pain now, but there’s a chance your family will eventually come around.

The most important thing is to stand firm in what you want. If you and your partner truly love each other, you will need patience, strength, and a strategy to gradually help your family accept your choice. This won’t be easy, but living a life where you constantly wonder "what if?" will be even harder.

...Read more

Kanchan

Kanchan Rai  |519 Answers  |Ask -

Relationships Expert, Mind Coach - Answered on Feb 02, 2025

Asked by Anonymous - Jan 19, 2025Hindi
Listen
Relationship
I am a divorced working woman , with a daughter 8 yrs. I have been pursued for remarriage with a guy who is 10 yrs older to me and have 2 kids. 11 and 14 yrs respectively living in a small town. Initially it was agreed the elder child who is a boy would be living in hostel , but now since we are approaching near to the marriage, it seems the elder male child is going to stay at home and not hostel. This is making me really uncomfortable as I won't get much privacy also the male child is aggressive.Already handling one kid was difficult before. Also moving to small town was difficult transition from a metropolitan that I stay in. Moving there could mean losing job opportunities in future. I am really worried if I let this match go, I end up alone again. I am not able to make a decision, it's difficult to raise others children. It's just not naturally inbuilt in us.Although I try really hard to mould my thingking and be more generous, but somehow it suffocates me.
Ans: Raising someone else’s children is not something that comes naturally to everyone, and that doesn’t make you selfish—it makes you honest. You already know how challenging it is to raise one child, and now you’re expected to step into a role where you’ll be managing more, including an aggressive teenage boy. If this idea is already suffocating you now, imagine how it might feel once you’re actually living in that environment every day.

Fear of being alone is a very real and valid concern, but being in a marriage that drains you emotionally, limits your career, and makes you feel trapped is far worse than being single. The right relationship should bring you a sense of peace and security, not anxiety and sacrifice at every turn. If you already feel that you have to “mould” your thinking just to make this work, that’s a sign that this situation might not be aligned with what you truly want and need.

You don’t have to force yourself into something that doesn’t feel right just because you’re afraid of ending up alone. Loneliness is difficult, but so is being in a marriage where you feel unseen, unheard, and overwhelmed. The best decision is the one that allows you to live with peace and confidence in your future.

...Read more

Kanchan

Kanchan Rai  |519 Answers  |Ask -

Relationships Expert, Mind Coach - Answered on Feb 02, 2025

Listen
Relationship
Married for 14 years have 4 kids below 7 age for the past 9 to 10 years going through troubled marriage, not happy. Misunderstanding, high expectations, manipulation and single handed decisions by my wife have exhausted me . Want to come out of marriage but worried of kids and also my wife says no to divorce. Don't know what to do.. First 2 kids by IVF 2nd two kids due to my wife's longing for male child
Ans: Dear Hemant,
Your love for your kids is evident, and it’s natural to fear how a separation would affect them. But the reality is, children pick up on tension, conflict, and unhappiness at home. Staying in a marriage that drains you emotionally and mentally isn’t necessarily better for them in the long run. Kids need a stable, loving environment, and if you’re constantly feeling manipulated and exhausted, it affects the energy you bring into their lives.

You don’t have to make a rushed decision, but you do need clarity. Have you tried setting firm boundaries and communicating your need for a more balanced relationship? If you’ve already done everything you can and nothing has changed, then it may be time to explore legal options, even if she says no to divorce. In most cases, a divorce doesn’t require both partners to agree—it just makes the process more complicated.

You deserve a life where you feel respected, valued, and emotionally free. Your children deserve a father who is at peace, not one who is silently suffering. It might be hard to take the next step, but staying in an unhappy marriage just for the sake of avoiding conflict can take a greater toll on everyone involved. You need to consider what will truly allow you—and your kids—to have a healthier and happier future.

...Read more

DISCLAIMER: The content of this post by the expert is the personal view of the rediffGURU. Investment in securities market are subject to market risks. Read all the related document carefully before investing. The securities quoted are for illustration only and are not recommendatory. Users are advised to pursue the information provided by the rediffGURU only as a source of information and as a point of reference and to rely on their own judgement when making a decision. RediffGURUS is an intermediary as per India's Information Technology Act.

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