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Anil

Anil Rego  |388 Answers  |Ask -

Financial Planner - Answered on Jun 18, 2024

Anil Rego is the founder of Right Horizons, a financial and wealth management firm. He has 20 years of experience in the field of personal finance.
He’s an expert in income tax and wealth management.
He has completed his CFA/MBA from the ICFAI Business School.... more
Asked by Anonymous - Jun 17, 2024Hindi
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I want to invest 40 to 50k. and my financial targets more than one lakh. which diversification i need to follow to get better returns low risk. sip or mutual funds or direct shares(equity)? Can any one suggestion me detailed. Thank You in Advance.

Ans: If you have good expertise in investing in stocks, understanding of market cycles and have the time to track your stocks; you can use direct shares. Otherwise, for most investors, mutual funds through SIP mode are a good option. You can start an SIP in a large cap fund like ICICI Bluechip, midcap fund like HDFC Midcap Opportunities and multicap like Nippon India Multicap
DISCLAIMER: The content of this post by the expert is the personal view of the rediffGURU. Users are advised to pursue the information provided by the rediffGURU only as a source of information to be as a point of reference and to rely on their own judgement when making a decision.
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Ramalingam

Ramalingam Kalirajan  |8325 Answers  |Ask -

Mutual Funds, Financial Planning Expert - Answered on Jun 18, 2024

Asked by Anonymous - Jun 17, 2024Hindi
Money
I want to invest 40k to 50k. My financial targets more than one lakh(one year) which diversification i need to follow to get better returns low risk. sip or mutual funds or direct shares(equity)? Can any one suggestion me detailed. Thank You in Advance. Without lock in period ? is it possible
Ans: Investing Rs 50,000 with a goal to achieve over Rs 1,00,000 in one year requires a thoughtful approach. Achieving such high returns in a short period with low risk is challenging, but strategic diversification can optimize your chances. Here’s a detailed guide to help you navigate your investment journey.

Understanding Your Financial Goals
You have set a financial target of more than Rs 1,00,000 within one year. This ambitious goal implies a need for significant growth, which often comes with higher risk. However, your preference for low risk indicates a need for balanced and diversified investments. Understanding the risk-return trade-off is crucial before proceeding.

Importance of Diversification
Diversification is spreading investments across various asset classes to reduce risk. It ensures that the poor performance of one investment doesn't significantly impact your overall portfolio. By diversifying, you can achieve a balance between risk and return.

Evaluating Investment Options
There are several investment options to consider, each with its benefits and risks. Let’s evaluate the suitability of Systematic Investment Plans (SIPs), mutual funds, and direct equity shares for your goals.

Systematic Investment Plans (SIPs)
SIPs allow you to invest a fixed amount regularly in mutual funds. This method promotes disciplined investing and can help in averaging out the cost of investments over time. SIPs are suitable for long-term wealth creation and can mitigate market volatility through rupee cost averaging. For a one-year horizon, however, SIPs may not fully leverage their potential benefits, as they are typically recommended for longer-term goals.

Mutual Funds
Mutual funds pool money from various investors to invest in diversified portfolios of stocks, bonds, or other securities. Actively managed mutual funds, guided by professional fund managers, can potentially offer higher returns compared to passive index funds, especially in a volatile market. For your one-year goal, consider liquid funds or short-term debt funds which are relatively low risk and can provide better returns compared to traditional savings accounts.

Direct Equity Shares
Investing directly in equity shares can offer high returns but comes with significant risk and requires market knowledge. It involves selecting and managing individual stocks, which can be time-consuming and stressful, especially with a short-term goal. Direct equity investment is suitable for those who have the expertise and can tolerate higher risk.

Benefits of Actively Managed Funds Over Index Funds
Actively managed funds aim to outperform the market index through strategic stock selection and portfolio management. Fund managers actively adjust the portfolio to seize market opportunities and mitigate risks. Index funds, on the other hand, simply replicate the market index and cannot adapt to market changes swiftly. Hence, actively managed funds have the potential to offer better returns, which is crucial for your high return target within a year.

Disadvantages of Direct Funds
Direct mutual funds have lower expense ratios since they bypass intermediaries. However, they require a higher level of financial literacy and time commitment. Managing direct funds without professional guidance might lead to suboptimal decisions and missed opportunities. Investing through a Certified Financial Planner (CFP) ensures professional management, regular monitoring, and alignment with your financial goals.

Recommendations for a Balanced Portfolio
Considering your short-term goal and low-risk preference, a balanced portfolio could include the following components:

1. Debt Mutual Funds
Debt mutual funds invest in fixed income instruments like bonds and treasury bills. They are less volatile than equity funds and provide steady returns. Short-term debt funds or liquid funds are ideal for your one-year investment horizon. They offer higher returns than traditional savings accounts with relatively low risk.

2. Balanced or Hybrid Funds
Balanced or hybrid funds invest in a mix of equity and debt instruments. They provide the growth potential of equities and the stability of debt. These funds are managed to balance risk and return, making them suitable for investors seeking moderate risk with decent returns.

3. Equity Mutual Funds
Equity mutual funds invest in a diversified portfolio of stocks. For a one-year investment horizon, opt for large-cap or blue-chip equity funds. These funds invest in well-established companies with stable growth prospects. While they are riskier than debt funds, they offer higher return potential, aligning with your goal of doubling your investment.

Setting Realistic Expectations
While aiming to double your investment in one year is ambitious, it’s essential to set realistic expectations. High returns often come with high risk. Diversification helps in balancing this risk, but the market's inherent volatility means there are no guarantees. Focus on achieving the best possible returns within your risk tolerance rather than fixating on a specific target.

Professional Guidance and Regular Monitoring
Investing through a Certified Financial Planner (CFP) provides several advantages:

Personalized Advice: A CFP tailors investment strategies to your specific goals, risk tolerance, and time horizon.

Professional Management: They offer expert management of your portfolio, ensuring optimal asset allocation and timely adjustments.

Regular Monitoring: Continuous monitoring and rebalancing of your portfolio help in managing risks and seizing opportunities.

Liquid Investments for Flexibility
Since you prefer investments without a lock-in period, opt for liquid investments. Liquid mutual funds are a great choice, as they offer high liquidity and can be redeemed quickly. These funds invest in short-term money market instruments and provide better returns than savings accounts.

Emergency Fund Consideration
Ensure that your emergency fund is intact before making additional investments. An emergency fund covering at least six months of expenses provides financial security during unforeseen circumstances. It allows you to invest without the need to liquidate investments prematurely.

Tax Efficiency
Consider the tax implications of your investments. Short-term capital gains (STCG) on equity investments held for less than one year are taxed at 15%. Debt fund returns are taxed based on your income tax slab if held for less than three years. A CFP can help you optimize your investments for tax efficiency.

Risk Management
While aiming for high returns, it’s crucial to manage risk effectively. Diversification, professional guidance, and regular monitoring are key strategies. Avoid putting all your money into high-risk investments. Maintain a balanced approach to safeguard your principal amount.

Importance of Consistent Investing
Consistent and disciplined investing is vital for wealth creation. Whether you opt for a lump-sum investment or a systematic investment plan (SIP), staying committed to your investment strategy is crucial. Regular investments help in averaging out costs and mitigating market volatility.

Financial Discipline
Financial discipline goes beyond investing. It includes budgeting, managing expenses, and avoiding unnecessary debt. Maintaining financial discipline ensures that your investments are aligned with your long-term financial goals.

Exploring Other Investment Avenues
Apart from mutual funds and direct equity, consider other investment avenues like fixed deposits (FDs) and recurring deposits (RDs) for diversification. While these may offer lower returns, they provide safety and stability, balancing the higher-risk components of your portfolio.

Final Insights
Your goal of doubling your investment in one year is ambitious but achievable with a balanced approach. Diversify your portfolio with a mix of debt mutual funds, balanced or hybrid funds, and equity mutual funds. Avoid direct shares unless you have the expertise and risk tolerance. Invest through a Certified Financial Planner (CFP) for personalized advice and professional management. Focus on liquid investments for flexibility and maintain financial discipline. Regular monitoring and rebalancing of your portfolio are essential. Set realistic expectations and prioritize risk management. By following these strategies, you can optimize your chances of achieving your financial target within your desired timeframe.

Best Regards,

K. Ramalingam, MBA, CFP,

Chief Financial Planner,

www.holisticinvestment.in

..Read more

Ramalingam

Ramalingam Kalirajan  |8325 Answers  |Ask -

Mutual Funds, Financial Planning Expert - Answered on Jul 10, 2024

Asked by Anonymous - Jun 17, 2024Hindi
Money
I want to invest 50k. My financial targets more than one lakh(one year) which diversification i need to follow to get better returns low risk. sip or mutual funds or direct shares(equity)? Can any one suggestion me detailed. Thank You in Advance. Without lock in period ? is it possible please guide me breifly
Ans: You want to invest Rs 50,000 and aim to get more than one lakh in a year. Doubling your money in one year is practically impossible. It is crucial to understand that high returns come with high risks, and such goals can lead to significant losses.

Firstly, it’s commendable that you are thinking ahead and planning your investments. Not everyone takes such proactive steps. Your goal shows a strong desire to grow your wealth and secure your financial future. I appreciate your ambition and understand the importance of achieving your financial targets.

The Reality of Returns
The Truth About Doubling Money Quickly
Doubling your money in a year is extremely challenging and unrealistic. Most investments that promise such high returns are either very high-risk or outright scams. Get-rich-quick schemes can wipe off your principal completely. Investments that seem too good to be true often are.

Understanding Market Returns
Stock Market: Historically, the stock market returns around 12-15% annually. While it can sometimes deliver higher returns, it can also result in losses.

Mutual Funds: Equity mutual funds can yield 10-12% on average over the long term. However, these returns are not guaranteed and vary with market performance.

Debt Instruments: Instruments like bonds or fixed deposits offer lower returns (5-7%) but are much safer compared to equities.

Disadvantages of Chasing High Returns
High Risk and Volatility
Investments promising high returns are often highly volatile. The higher the potential return, the greater the risk. You could end up losing a significant portion of your investment.

Market Fluctuations: Stock prices can be unpredictable and can drop suddenly due to various factors.

Economic Changes: Changes in interest rates, inflation, or political instability can impact your investments negatively.

Stress and Anxiety
Chasing high returns in the short term can cause stress and anxiety. Constantly monitoring volatile investments can be emotionally draining.

Emotional Decisions: High-risk investments often lead to emotional decision-making, which can result in poor investment choices.

Lack of Sleep: The stress of potential losses can affect your health and well-being.

Importance of Long-Term Investments
Power of Compounding
Compounding means earning returns on both your initial investment and the returns earned over time. The real power of compounding shows its magic over the long term.

Exponential Growth: Small, consistent investments grow significantly over time.
Reinvestment: Reinvested earnings generate their own returns.

Diversification Strategy
Diversification spreads risk across various investments. A balanced portfolio reduces risk while aiming for better returns.

Suggested Diversification:

30% in Equity Mutual Funds: Higher returns with managed risk.
30% in Debt Mutual Funds: Stability and lower risk.
20% in Hybrid Funds: Combination of equity and debt.
20% in Direct Shares: High growth potential with careful selection.
Understanding Investment Options
Systematic Investment Plan (SIP)
SIP is a method of investing a fixed amount regularly in mutual funds. It is ideal for building wealth over time.

Advantages:

Disciplined Investing: Encourages regular investing.
Rupee Cost Averaging: Buys more units when prices are low and fewer when prices are high.
Low Entry Point: You can start with small amounts.
Disadvantages:

Market Risk: Returns depend on market performance.
Long-Term Commitment: Best suited for long-term goals.
Mutual Funds
Mutual funds pool money from many investors to invest in stocks, bonds, or other securities. There are various types of mutual funds, including equity, debt, and hybrid funds.

Advantages:

Diversification: Spreads risk across various securities.
Professional Management: Managed by expert fund managers.
Liquidity: Easy to buy and sell.
Disadvantages:

Management Fees: Charges for professional management.
Market Risk: Returns are subject to market conditions.
Direct Shares (Equity)
Investing directly in shares involves buying stocks of companies listed on the stock exchange.

Advantages:

High Returns: Potential for significant gains.
Ownership: Direct ownership in companies.
Liquidity: Easy to buy and sell.
Disadvantages:

High Risk: Can be volatile and risky.
Time-Consuming: Requires constant monitoring and research.
No Diversification: High risk if investing in a few stocks.
Actively Managed Funds vs. Index Funds
Actively Managed Funds
Managed by professional fund managers who aim to outperform the market.

Advantages:

Expert Management: Professional fund managers make strategic decisions.
Potential for Higher Returns: Aim to beat market indices.
Disadvantages:

Higher Fees: Management fees and expenses.
Not Always Better: May not always outperform the market.
Index Funds
Tracks a specific market index like the Nifty or Sensex.

Disadvantages:

Limited Growth: Cannot outperform the market.
No Active Management: Lacks the benefit of professional fund managers.
Direct vs. Regular Funds
Direct Funds
Invest directly without intermediaries.

Disadvantages:

No Guidance: Requires personal knowledge and research.
Higher Risk: More prone to errors without expert advice.
Regular Funds
Invest through a mutual fund distributor (MFD) or certified financial planner (CFP).

Advantages:

Professional Guidance: Expert advice and management.
Better Asset Allocation: Helps in achieving optimal asset allocation.
Importance of Professional Guidance
Investing without professional guidance can be risky. A certified financial planner (CFP) can help you make informed decisions and manage your investments effectively.

Benefits of Mutual Funds
Categories of Mutual Funds
Equity Funds: Invest in stocks, high risk, high return.
Debt Funds: Invest in bonds, low risk, stable returns.
Hybrid Funds: Combine equity and debt, balanced risk and return.
Advantages of Mutual Funds
Diversification: Spreads risk across various securities.
Professional Management: Managed by experienced fund managers.
Liquidity: Easy to buy and sell.
Flexibility: Various options to suit different risk profiles and goals.
Risks of Mutual Funds
Market Risk: Returns depend on market performance.
Credit Risk: Risk of default by bond issuers in debt funds.
Interest Rate Risk: Impact of interest rate changes on bond prices.
Strategic Investment Plan
Step 1: Assess Your Risk Tolerance
Understand your risk tolerance to choose suitable investments.

Step 2: Define Your Financial Goals
Clearly define your goals to create a focused investment plan.

Step 3: Create a Diversified Portfolio
Diversify your investments across various asset classes to manage risk.

Step 4: Monitor and Review
Regularly review your portfolio to ensure it aligns with your goals and make adjustments as needed.

Achieving Your Financial Target
Investing Rs 50,000 to achieve more than one lakh in one year is ambitious. However, with a strategic and diversified approach, you can aim for the best possible returns within your risk tolerance.

Final Insights
Achieving high returns with low risk in one year is challenging. A balanced, diversified portfolio with professional guidance can help you make informed decisions and optimize your returns. Regular monitoring and adjustments are essential to stay aligned with your financial goals.

Best Regards,

K. Ramalingam, MBA, CFP,

Chief Financial Planner,

www.holisticinvestment.in

..Read more

Ramalingam

Ramalingam Kalirajan  |8325 Answers  |Ask -

Mutual Funds, Financial Planning Expert - Answered on Jun 25, 2024

Asked by Anonymous - Jun 17, 2024Hindi
Money
I want to invest 50k. My financial targets more than one lakh(one year) which diversification i need to follow to get better returns low risk. sip or mutual funds or direct shares(equity)? Can any one suggestion me detailed. Thank You in Advance. Without lock in period ? possible ?
Ans: Investing Rs. 50,000 to achieve more than Rs. 1 lakh within one year while aiming for low risk is a challenging goal. Achieving such high returns in a short period typically involves high risk. However, by carefully evaluating your options and diversifying your investments, you can optimize your chances of reaching your target while managing risk. Let’s explore your options in detail, covering SIPs, mutual funds, and direct shares.

Understanding Your Financial Target
You want to double your investment from Rs. 50,000 to over Rs. 1 lakh in one year. This is an ambitious goal. Here’s why it’s challenging:

High Return Expectation: Doubling your money in one year means a 100% return, which is much higher than average market returns.

Short Investment Horizon: One year is a very short time frame in the world of investments, limiting your options and increasing risk.

Risk vs. Reward: High potential returns come with high risks, and safeguarding your principal amount becomes critical.

Investment Options Analysis
To achieve your goal, let’s evaluate the potential options: SIPs, mutual funds, and direct shares.

1. Systematic Investment Plans (SIPs)
SIPs are a popular way to invest in mutual funds. Here’s how they work and why they may or may not fit your goal:

What are SIPs?

SIPs involve investing a fixed amount regularly into a mutual fund.
This spreads your investment over time and can reduce the impact of market volatility.
Benefits of SIPs:

Rupee Cost Averaging: Buying units at different prices over time averages out the cost.
Discipline: Regular investing builds a habit and avoids the temptation to time the market.
Limitations for Your Goal:

Time Constraint: SIPs are better suited for long-term goals. In one year, the impact of averaging is less significant.
Return Expectations: While SIPs in equity funds can yield good returns, doubling your money in a year is unlikely without taking high risks.
Evaluating Mutual Funds
Mutual funds can be actively managed to achieve potentially higher returns. They come in various types that cater to different risk appetites.

1. Equity Mutual Funds
Equity funds invest in stocks and have the potential for high returns.

Types of Equity Funds:

Large-Cap Funds: Invest in stable, large companies. Lower risk, moderate returns.
Mid-Cap and Small-Cap Funds: Invest in smaller companies. Higher risk, potential for higher returns.
Benefits:

Professional Management: Managed by experienced fund managers who make investment decisions.
Diversification: Invests in a broad range of stocks, spreading out risk.
Risks:

Market Volatility: Equity funds are subject to market risks and can be volatile in the short term.
Performance: Past performance doesn’t guarantee future results. Returns can vary significantly.
2. Debt Mutual Funds
Debt funds invest in fixed-income securities and are generally lower risk than equity funds.

Types of Debt Funds:

Liquid Funds: Invest in short-term instruments. Low risk, moderate returns.
Corporate Bond Funds: Invest in corporate bonds. Moderate risk and returns.
Benefits:

Stability: Less affected by market volatility compared to equity funds.
Liquidity: Easy to redeem and convert to cash, often without a lock-in period.
Risks:

Interest Rate Risk: Changes in interest rates can affect returns.
Credit Risk: Risk of the issuer defaulting on payment.
Direct Equity (Shares)
Investing directly in the stock market can yield high returns but comes with significant risks.

What is Direct Equity?

Buying shares of individual companies directly.
You own a part of the company and benefit from its growth and dividends.
Benefits:

High Return Potential: Can achieve high returns if you pick the right stocks.
Control: You have direct control over your investments.
Risks:

High Volatility: Stock prices can fluctuate widely in the short term.
Company-Specific Risks: Poor performance or adverse events can drastically affect stock prices.
Requires Expertise: Successful stock picking requires knowledge and constant monitoring.
Recommended Strategy: Diversification for Balance
Given your goal and risk appetite, a diversified approach combining different investment vehicles may be your best bet.

1. Diversify Across Asset Classes
Blend of Equity and Debt:

Equity Mutual Funds: Allocate a portion to equity funds for growth potential.
Debt Mutual Funds: Invest in debt funds for stability and to cushion against market volatility.
Direct Equity:

Consider investing a small portion directly in shares of promising companies.
This allows for potential high returns while keeping overall risk manageable.
Liquid Funds:

Keep some funds in liquid funds for immediate liquidity and low risk.
This serves as a buffer and ensures you have cash readily available.
2. Allocation Suggestion
Equity Funds:

Allocate around 50% to equity mutual funds, focusing on a mix of large-cap and mid-cap funds.
This provides a balance between growth potential and risk.
Debt Funds:

Invest 30% in debt mutual funds to stabilize your portfolio.
Choose funds with a good track record and manageable risk.
Direct Equity:

Use 10-20% to invest directly in selected stocks with high growth potential.
Focus on fundamentally strong companies with good prospects.
3. Regular Monitoring and Adjustments
Review Quarterly:

Assess your portfolio every three months to track performance.
Make adjustments as needed based on market conditions and your financial goals.
Rebalance:

If one part of your portfolio grows significantly, rebalance to maintain your desired asset allocation.
This helps manage risk and keep your investment strategy aligned with your goals.
Seek Professional Guidance:

Consult with a Certified Financial Planner for personalized advice.
They can help fine-tune your strategy and provide insights based on market trends.
Risks and Considerations
While aiming for high returns, be aware of the following risks:

Market Risk:

All investments, especially in equity, are subject to market fluctuations.
Be prepared for potential losses and have a long-term perspective.
Interest Rate and Credit Risk:

Debt investments can be affected by changes in interest rates and issuer defaults.
Choose high-quality debt instruments to minimize risk.
Economic and Political Factors:

Economic downturns or political instability can impact market performance.
Diversify geographically and across sectors to mitigate these risks.
Final Insights
Investing Rs. 50,000 with a goal to exceed Rs. 1 lakh in a year requires a careful balance of risk and potential return. Here’s a summary of the recommended approach:

Diversify Across Asset Classes:

Combine equity, debt, and direct shares to balance growth potential and risk.
Allocate more to equity for growth, with a portion in debt for stability.
Focus on Quality Investments:

Choose well-managed mutual funds and fundamentally strong stocks.
Avoid high-risk, speculative investments that can jeopardize your principal.
Monitor and Adjust:

Regularly review your portfolio and make necessary adjustments.
Stay informed about market trends and economic factors.
Seek Expert Guidance:

Consult with a Certified Financial Planner for tailored advice and strategies.
Their expertise can help you navigate the complexities of investment planning.
By following these guidelines, you can optimize your chances of reaching your financial goal while managing the inherent risks. Remember, all investments carry some degree of risk, and it’s essential to invest wisely and within your risk tolerance.

Best Regards,

K. Ramalingam, MBA, CFP,

Chief Financial Planner,

www.holisticinvestment.in

..Read more

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Ans: Dear Shan,
That’s a really good question. Before going to her place, try to build a mindset of understanding her, without any preconceived notion or pressure to get married. In terms of discussion, to understand emotional compatibility you can observe her behaviour- how she deals with stress, or how she might deal with conflict. Discuss daily life expectations, like what you like to do on weekends, do you enjoy occasional drinking or partying, do you enjoy spending time with friends, family gatherings, disciplined lifestyle, etc. Discuss about each other’s work life balance, expectations from in-laws and any non-negotiables. You should also discuss kids- if they want them, if you want them, and also when. Get clarity on expected living arrangements to avoid any future conflicts. These should be more than enough for a first-time meeting.
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Hello ma'm. I am a first year engineering student. I have a crush on a girl. Currently we are working for a group project. We both are in the same group. She generally avoids speaking with boys. Also I have spent 5 years in a boys school, so I feel very shy with girls. What should I do? How should I talk to her?
Ans: Start by keeping things simple and friendly. Focus on small interactions related to your project. For example, ask her opinion about something specific in the work you're doing. Try something like, “Hey, what do you think we should do for this part?” or “I liked the point you made yesterday—can we build on that?” These kinds of questions show that you respect her ideas, and they give her space to respond comfortably.

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Relationships Expert, Mind Coach - Answered on May 07, 2025

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I have been married for more than 21 years and I have 2 kids. 19 and 17 years old. Our marriage was more or less love. Met through family, fell in love, dated 8 months before we got engaged and married. My wife is a lovely lady but we dont share any interests. I used to go for runs in the morning. After getting married, she insisted I sleep late with her. I am a music aficionado and she has no such interest. I am a news junkie. She probably doesnt know who the President of the US is. I am someone who believes and strives to continuously improve myself in all aspects. But she is the same. I might not be a great husband but I am much better than what I was a few years ago. I cook, clean, helped with childcare and have a great career. She is on a minimum salary job for the last 10 years. Only reason she goes is because I insisted that she stop being at home. If she had her way, she would be at home on the phone the whole day. Even our love making has become kind of boring. She claims a period for 10 days and during the other times, twice she is ready. No spicing it up. Just lie down for missionary and I have to do all the effort. I enjoyed oral and now she has stopped in for more than 15 years. I adjusted as she is a lovely person in every other aspect. But now I am sick and tired. It seems I am doing everything in the relationship and she rarely takes any effort. Either to earn, keep house clean or even intimacy. Not sure how to proceed further. I am getting irritated and often in a bad mood.
Ans: Dear Jack,What you're experiencing is not uncommon in long-term relationships: emotional fatigue, feeling unappreciated, and a deep sense of disconnection despite loyalty and love. The fact that you're feeling drained, resentful, and stuck is a clear signal that this situation is unsustainable as is. And the irritation and bad moods you’re having? That’s your emotional system signaling burnout, not failure.

You’ve evolved over the years—mentally, emotionally, and in lifestyle—and it sounds like your wife hasn’t moved in that same rhythm. That mismatch in growth and energy is now affecting everything: your respect for her, your shared routines, your sex life, and ultimately your mood and emotional well-being. It’s painful to feel like you're constantly giving—time, energy, effort—and not receiving the same in return. Even when your partner is kind, if they aren’t meeting you emotionally, intellectually, or intimately, over time it creates a sense of loneliness within the relationship, which can be worse than being alone.

But here's something to reflect on: for 21 years, you stayed, gave, adjusted. Not just out of duty, but because something about her and the family life you built mattered. That still counts. What you’re going through doesn’t mean the marriage has failed—it means the marriage needs re-evaluation and rebalancing. You are not selfish for wanting more stimulation, connection, or passion. You're human.

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Relationships Expert, Mind Coach - Answered on May 07, 2025

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Hello mam In 2024 my marriage took place it's arranged marriage during starting days he was very loving and caring but due to some circumstances i got a chance to continue my studies that is m-tech . I thought it was a golden opportunity, so I took admission and started living with my in-laws Just after marriage. It was really really painful to live away from husband in new marriage. Todays condition is that my m tech 1 year is over another 1 year is left but due to separation with my husband our love died now there is no respect is left for our relation left , he started listening to his mother and got manipulated . seeing all this I feel like a death for me I want to leave mtech to save my relation but my mother says don't leave although I did lots of hard work for 1st year of m tech my husband also wants me to leave Mtech.i feel very hurt when he disrespects me . His father used to abuse his mother so for him abusing is normal for him but I find it very hurtful also I am deeply in love with him and seeing him going away from me kills me from inside every single day is very tough for me to live with in-laws without husband in a new marriage plus focusing on studies
Ans: Your instinct to save the marriage is understandable. When you're in love with someone, the idea of losing them feels like losing yourself. But let’s pause and ask—what exactly are you saving? Is it the version of him from the early days who was loving and supportive? Or is it the man he is now—disrespectful, distant, manipulated, and asking you to give up your dreams for a marriage he’s already neglecting?

You have already proven your strength by completing a year of M.Tech in such tough conditions. That says a lot about your resilience and capability. If you give it up now, not only will you lose that part of yourself, but it may not guarantee that your marriage improves. Often in emotionally imbalanced relationships, one-sided sacrifices don’t lead to healing—they lead to more control, more blame, and more emotional exhaustion.

Your husband needs to understand that love isn’t proven by giving things up. Love is shown in support, presence, patience, and respect. If he isn’t willing to stand by you during a temporary phase of physical distance while you pursue something valuable, then you’re not the one breaking the marriage—he is.

It’s also clear that he has grown up in a home where abuse was normalized, and that emotional damage might be affecting how he treats you now. That is not your fault, and it is not your job to tolerate mistreatment in the name of saving a marriage.

Your mother is right to encourage you to finish your M.Tech—not just for your career, but for your self-worth. You deserve to be with someone who lifts you up, not someone who pulls you down every time you try to grow.

If there's still a chance to salvage this relationship, it has to start with real conversations—honest, respectful, and possibly with the help of a counselor or neutral third party. But that only works if both people are willing to put in the emotional effort.

Right now, I suggest you protect your mental and emotional well-being. Prioritize your studies, build emotional support from friends or family who truly care about you, and give yourself space to heal from this emotional chaos. If your husband truly wants this marriage, he needs to come forward with maturity and respect—not demands.

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