Home > Money > Question
Need Expert Advice?Our Gurus Can Help
Milind

Milind Vadjikar  |587 Answers  |Ask -

Insurance, Stocks, MF, PF Expert - Answered on Nov 06, 2024

Milind Vadjikar is an independent MF distributor registered with Association of Mutual Funds in India (AMFI) and a retirement financial planning advisor registered with Pension Fund Regulatory and Development Authority (PFRDA).
He has a mechanical engineering degree from Government Engineering College, Sambhajinagar, and an MBA in international business from the Symbiosis Institute of Business Management, Pune.
With over 16 years of experience in stock investments, and over six year experience in investment guidance and support, he believes that balanced asset allocation and goal-focused disciplined investing is the key to achieving investor goals.... more
Asked by Anonymous - Nov 05, 2024Hindi
Listen
Money

Hi Sir, Im 43 married with 2 kids(10 Boy & 5 Girl) . We have 2 lakhs in Stocks and 2 lakhs invested in SIP, Couple of plots is there which we have taken as investments and we are living in a rental house. Further , Im investing Approx 50,000 monthly in ULIP & Term of 2C..... With my age in consideration, how much I will have to invest in a lumpsum to have 5 Cr after 15 years...Il appreciate if you can share more options of 3 Cr etc.

Ans: Hello;

If you invest lumpsum 92 L now in a combination of pure equity mutual funds, it may yield you corpus of 5 Crs after 15 years.

If you invest lumpsum of 55 L now in a combination of pure equity mutual funds, it may yield you a corpus of 3 Crs after 15 years.

A modest return of 12% is assumed from pure equity mutual funds.

Happy Investing;
DISCLAIMER: The content of this post by the expert is the personal view of the rediffGURU. Users are advised to pursue the information provided by the rediffGURU only as a source of information to be as a point of reference and to rely on their own judgement when making a decision.
Money

You may like to see similar questions and answers below

Ramalingam

Ramalingam Kalirajan  |6978 Answers  |Ask -

Mutual Funds, Financial Planning Expert - Answered on May 26, 2024

Listen
Money
Hi Samraat, ( My goal - 1 CR in next 10-15 year) As a beginner, I have been making SIP's since last 5 months in ( Parag P Flexi 2k Pm, Axis Small cap 2.5kPm, Motilal oswal midcap 1.5K, ICICI Pru Value Discovery 1 K ) total @7000 per month. returns are reasonable and good. (step up 30% every year). (Thanks for your earlier advice on these) . Going forward, >> Now for lumpsum I have identified 1. Nippon India power and Infra , ( as i want to invest in Power sectoral funds) 2. Canara Robeco Bluechip Equity fund ( Direct Growth @ 10000 initially) , I plan to add 5k Quarterly ntil i reach a reasonable lumpsum amount. Please share your valuable suggestions on my plan. Thanks,
Ans: Assessment of Current SIPs:

Your SIP portfolio is well-diversified across different categories like flexi cap, small cap, mid cap, and value discovery funds. It's commendable that you've started your SIP journey, and the step-up strategy of increasing investments by 30% annually demonstrates a disciplined approach towards wealth accumulation.

Proposed Lump Sum Investments:

Nippon India Power and Infra Fund:

Investing in sectoral funds like power and infrastructure can offer growth opportunities, especially if you believe in the long-term prospects of this sector.
However, it's essential to note that sectoral funds can be volatile and carry higher risk compared to diversified equity funds.
Ensure that your investment horizon aligns with the inherent volatility of the power sector, and consider diversifying across other sectors for risk mitigation.
Canara Robeco Bluechip Equity Fund (Direct Growth):

Opting for a blue-chip equity fund is a prudent choice for investors seeking stability and consistent returns.
Blue-chip funds typically invest in large-cap stocks with strong fundamentals, making them relatively safer than mid and small-cap funds.
Your strategy of initially investing a lump sum followed by quarterly additions is a systematic way to build wealth over time.
Overall Recommendations:

Diversification:

While your selection of funds seems reasonable, consider further diversification across different asset classes like debt, gold, and international funds to mitigate risk.
Diversification helps in spreading risk and optimizing returns, especially during market uncertainties.
Regular Review:

It's essential to review your portfolio periodically, preferably annually or bi-annually, to ensure it remains aligned with your financial goals and risk tolerance.
Rebalancing your portfolio based on changing market conditions and your investment objectives is crucial for long-term wealth creation.
Risk Management:

As you progress towards your goal of accumulating Rs. 1 crore in the next 10-15 years, consider your risk appetite and adjust your investment strategy accordingly.
Ensure that your asset allocation reflects your risk tolerance and investment horizon to achieve a balance between growth and stability.
In conclusion, your investment plan demonstrates a proactive approach towards wealth creation. However, remember to stay informed about market developments and seek professional advice whenever necessary to make informed investment decisions.

Best Regards,

K. Ramalingam, MBA, CFP,

Chief Financial Planner,

www.holisticinvestment.in

..Read more

Ramalingam

Ramalingam Kalirajan  |6978 Answers  |Ask -

Mutual Funds, Financial Planning Expert - Answered on May 30, 2024

Listen
Money
Hello Sir, I am 24 Years old, My goal - 1 CR in next 10-15 year. As a beginner, I have been making SIP's since last 5 months in ( Parag P Flexi 2k Pm, Axis Small cap 2.5kPm, Motilal oswal midcap 1.5Kpm, ICICI Pru Value Discovery 1 K ) total @7000 per month. (step up 30% every year) . Going forward, >> Now for lumpsum I have identified 1. Nippon India power and Infra , ( as i want to invest in Power sectoral funds) 2. Canara Robeco Bluechip Equity fund OR Mirae Asset Large Cap Fund ( Direct Growth @ 10000 initially) , I plan to add 5k Quarterly until i reach a reasonable lumpsum amount. Please share your valuable suggestions on my plan. and addition or deletion to any funds. Thanks, Dipak
Ans: Your commitment to investing at such a young age is commendable. Achieving Rs 1 crore in the next 10-15 years is a realistic goal with your disciplined approach.

Current SIP Strategy

You have started SIPs in four diversified funds, totaling Rs 7,000 per month. This strategy, combined with a 30% annual step-up, is a strong foundation for growth.

Evaluating Your Fund Selection

Your chosen funds cover flexi-cap, small-cap, mid-cap, and value categories. This diversification is prudent, spreading risk and capturing growth across different market segments.

Lump Sum Investment Strategy

You plan to invest in sectoral and large-cap funds. These choices can add stability and sector-specific growth to your portfolio. Diversifying across sectors reduces risk and enhances potential returns.

Sectoral Fund Considerations

Investing in sectoral funds like power and infrastructure can be rewarding. However, these funds are highly volatile. Ensure they constitute a smaller portion of your portfolio to manage risk.

Large-Cap Fund Choices

Choosing between Canara Robeco Bluechip Equity and Mirae Asset Large Cap Fund is wise. Both funds are known for stability and steady growth. Allocating your lump sum and quarterly investments in these funds balances your portfolio.

Advantages of Actively Managed Funds

Actively managed funds offer professional management, adapting to market changes. This flexibility can result in higher returns compared to passive index funds, which simply track the market.

Disadvantages of Index Funds

Index funds mimic market indices and may not perform well in downturns. They lack the adaptability and professional oversight of actively managed funds, limiting potential returns.

Benefits of Investing Through a Certified Financial Planner

Investing through a Certified Financial Planner ensures tailored advice and professional management. They can help you make informed decisions and optimise your investment strategy.

Disadvantages of Direct Funds

Direct funds have lower expense ratios but lack professional guidance. Investing through a certified planner provides expert oversight, ensuring your portfolio aligns with your goals.

Periodic Review and Rebalancing

Regularly review your portfolio's performance. Rebalancing ensures your investments stay aligned with your financial goals and market conditions. This approach optimises returns and manages risks effectively.

Creating a Comprehensive Financial Plan

In addition to mutual funds, consider other financial aspects like emergency funds, insurance, and tax planning. A holistic financial plan ensures a secure and well-rounded approach to wealth creation.

Monitoring Market Trends

Stay informed about market trends and economic factors. This knowledge helps you make timely adjustments to your investments, maximising returns and mitigating risks.

Conclusion

Your disciplined investment strategy and diversified portfolio are commendable. With regular review and professional guidance, you can achieve your goal of Rs 1 crore in the next 10-15 years.

Best Regards,

K. Ramalingam, MBA, CFP,

Chief Financial Planner,

www.holisticinvestment.in

..Read more

Ramalingam

Ramalingam Kalirajan  |6978 Answers  |Ask -

Mutual Funds, Financial Planning Expert - Answered on Jun 14, 2024

Money
Sir, I am 43 years old living in UAE, with FD of 10L and current MF accumulation of 1.04 Cr and monthly SIP 50K along. I have a 2BHK apartment in Chennai which yields a rent of 8000 Rs and a 3-bedroom house inherited from my parents as gift where we live currently. Along with this we have 2400 Sq ft of land in Chennai and 3000 Sq ft of land in Madurai. I am contributing 69K yearly for the last 11 years in my name until 2035 (expected returns 30Lakhs), 28K yearly in my daughter’s name until 2034 (expected returns 10Lakhs). Addition to this i have icici pru gift long terms with annual payment of 2L Rs on my name (to pay for another 10 years and the return of 16K per month) icici future perfect 1L Rs (to pay for another 10 years). Will receive a sum of 5L Rs from a LIC policy which is getting matured this year and a Term policy of 2 Cr for which I must pay 47K annually and it must be paid for another 22 years and 20 Lakhs worth of gold. I wish to invest in stocks in the next 7 years with an average risk and stop SIP at the age of 50. I have a 9th grade daughter who wishes to pursue Medicine and a son who is in grade 2. I wish to retire at the age of 50 (7 years from now) and start consulting. Could you please guide me how much corpus I should create in the next 7 years to live a normal lifestyle and ensure to pay the balance ICICI investments and my daughters’ education regards Raj
Ans: Current Financial Situation
Raj, you have done a commendable job in managing your finances and building a diversified portfolio. Let's assess your current financial landscape.

Fixed Deposits and Mutual Funds
You have a fixed deposit (FD) of Rs 10 lakhs and a mutual fund (MF) portfolio worth Rs 1.04 crore. You also contribute Rs 50,000 monthly to SIPs. This shows a disciplined approach towards long-term wealth creation.

Real Estate Holdings
You own a 2BHK apartment in Chennai, which generates a rental income of Rs 8,000 per month, and a 3-bedroom house inherited from your parents. Additionally, you possess 2400 sq ft of land in Chennai and 3000 sq ft of land in Madurai.

Insurance and Investments
You have various insurance and investment plans:

Annual contribution of Rs 69,000 for yourself until 2035 (expected returns Rs 30 lakhs).
Annual contribution of Rs 28,000 for your daughter until 2034 (expected returns Rs 10 lakhs).
ICICI Pru Gift Long Term with an annual payment of Rs 2 lakhs, yielding Rs 16,000 monthly after maturity.
ICICI Future Perfect with an annual payment of Rs 1 lakh for another 10 years.
LIC policy maturing this year with a sum assured of Rs 5 lakhs.
Term policy with a cover of Rs 2 crore, annual premium Rs 47,000 for the next 22 years.
Gold worth Rs 20 lakhs.
Family Commitments
Your daughter, currently in 9th grade, aspires to pursue medicine. Your son is in grade 2. You plan to retire at 50 and transition into consulting.

Financial Goals
To ensure a smooth transition into retirement and meet your financial obligations, let's break down your goals:

Retirement Corpus
Daughter's Education
Continuation of Investments
Living Expenses Post-Retirement
Retirement Corpus
You plan to retire in 7 years. To maintain a comfortable lifestyle post-retirement, you need to determine a retirement corpus. This corpus should cover your monthly expenses, healthcare, and unforeseen emergencies.

Daughter's Education
Medical education is expensive. It is crucial to allocate sufficient funds for your daughter's medical education to avoid financial stress later.

Continuation of Investments
You have ongoing investments that require continued funding. Ensuring these are adequately funded until their maturity is essential for maximizing returns.

Living Expenses Post-Retirement
Post-retirement, you will require a steady income to cover living expenses. Your rental income, SIP returns, and maturity proceeds from insurance plans will contribute to this.

Strategy to Achieve Financial Goals
To meet your financial goals efficiently, consider the following strategies:

Increase SIP Contributions
Currently, you invest Rs 50,000 monthly in SIPs. Increasing this amount will help accumulate a larger corpus. Given your current financial stability, consider increasing your SIP contributions by 10-15% annually. This will compound your wealth significantly over the next 7 years.

Diversify Mutual Fund Investments
Review your mutual fund portfolio and diversify across various sectors and market caps. Actively managed funds tend to outperform index funds in the long run due to professional fund management and active stock selection. This can provide better returns and reduce risks.

Surrender Low-Yield Insurance Policies
Your LIC policy maturing this year will yield Rs 5 lakhs. Reinvest this amount in mutual funds for better returns. Assess the ICICI Pru Gift Long Term and ICICI Future Perfect plans. If they are not performing well, consider surrendering them and reinvesting in higher-yield mutual funds. This can maximize returns and provide better growth opportunities for your investments.

Plan for Daughter's Education
Estimate the total cost of your daughter's medical education, including tuition fees, living expenses, and other costs. Create a dedicated education fund using a mix of debt and equity mutual funds. This will ensure safety and growth of the corpus.

Utilize Gold Holdings
Your gold holdings worth Rs 20 lakhs can be a valuable asset. Consider partial liquidation of gold to fund higher-yield investments. Alternatively, keep the gold as a hedge against inflation and as a contingency fund.

Create an Emergency Fund
Ensure you have an emergency fund covering at least 6-12 months of living expenses. This fund should be in a liquid asset class, such as a liquid mutual fund or a high-interest savings account, to access funds readily in case of emergencies.

Investment in Mutual Funds
Instead of investing directly in stocks, mutual funds can provide a balanced approach to achieving your financial goals with moderate risk. Here are the benefits:

Professional Management: Mutual funds are managed by professional fund managers who have the expertise to make informed investment decisions.
Diversification: Mutual funds provide diversification across various sectors and asset classes, reducing overall risk.
Liquidity: Mutual funds offer liquidity, allowing you to redeem your investments as needed.
Tax Efficiency: Equity mutual funds held for more than a year qualify for long-term capital gains tax benefits.
Increase SIP Contributions in Mutual Funds
Currently, you invest Rs 50,000 monthly in SIPs. Increasing this amount will help accumulate a larger corpus. Given your current financial stability, consider increasing your SIP contributions by 10-15% annually. This will compound your wealth significantly over the next 7 years.

Diversify Mutual Fund Investments
Review your mutual fund portfolio and diversify across various sectors and market caps. Actively managed funds tend to outperform index funds in the long run due to professional fund management and active stock selection. This can provide better returns and reduce risks.

Corpus Calculation for Retirement
To estimate the corpus required for retirement, consider the following:

Monthly Living Expenses: Calculate your current monthly expenses and account for inflation.
Healthcare Costs: Factor in healthcare costs, which tend to rise with age.
Contingency Fund: Include a contingency fund for unforeseen expenses.
Desired Lifestyle: Consider the lifestyle you wish to maintain post-retirement.
Monthly Living Expenses
Assume your current monthly expenses are Rs 50,000. Accounting for inflation at 6%, these expenses will rise over the next 7 years.

Healthcare Costs
Healthcare costs can be substantial post-retirement. Ensure you have comprehensive health insurance and allocate a part of your corpus towards healthcare.

Contingency Fund
Set aside at least 10% of your retirement corpus for emergencies. This ensures financial security during unforeseen circumstances.

Desired Lifestyle
Factor in any lifestyle changes you wish to make post-retirement, such as travel, hobbies, or relocation.

Final Insights
Raj, your current financial situation is strong, with a diversified portfolio and substantial assets. To ensure a comfortable retirement and meet your financial goals, focus on increasing SIP contributions, diversifying mutual fund investments, and planning adequately for your daughter's education. Reviewing insurance policies and reallocating funds to higher-yield investments will optimize your returns. Investing in mutual funds can provide balanced growth and reduce risk, ensuring financial security post-retirement.

Building a robust retirement corpus requires careful planning and disciplined investing. With the right strategies, you can achieve your financial goals and enjoy a comfortable retirement while ensuring your family's financial security.

Best Regards,

K. Ramalingam, MBA, CFP,

Chief Financial Planner,

www.holisticinvestment.in

..Read more

Ramalingam

Ramalingam Kalirajan  |6978 Answers  |Ask -

Mutual Funds, Financial Planning Expert - Answered on Oct 09, 2024

Asked by Anonymous - Oct 08, 2024Hindi
Money
Hi Sir , Im currently 43 and Im an NRI with family staying with me. We have 2 kids 13 yrs Boy & 5 yrs Girl. I have couple of questions: 1.I have a housing loan for 25 lakhs with EMI of 25 thousand for another 9 years. Unknowingly I choose the floating interest and it keeps on increasing. What is the best way to proceed, will the interests rate come down? 2. We have retirement polity which will start @ age 55 and have invested little amount in SIP of 2 lahks. I have a lumpsum amount of 15 lakhs and is it advisable to do the one time investment in mutual funds and leave it to grow for the next 15 years. What will be the approx. corpus it will create. Will it reach 2 CR?
Ans: First, let's address your concern about the housing loan. You mentioned that your EMI is Rs 25,000 for 9 more years, and it's on a floating interest rate. This situation can feel frustrating, especially when rates are rising, but there are ways to manage it effectively.

Switch to a Fixed Interest Rate: One of the simplest solutions could be switching your loan to a fixed rate. Fixed rates provide predictability. You may lose out on lower rates if they drop, but you avoid the stress of rising rates.

Loan Refinancing: You can explore refinancing your loan with a different bank or financial institution that offers a better rate. Many banks offer balance transfer options at competitive interest rates. This could help reduce your EMI and interest burden.

Interest Rates Outlook: Predicting interest rates can be challenging. While rates may decrease over time, there's no certainty. If you're on a floating rate, be prepared for fluctuations. It's often better to make proactive decisions based on your current financial situation rather than wait for rates to drop.

Extra Prepayments: Another option is to make additional prepayments when possible. This can help reduce the principal amount and, consequently, the interest burden over time. Even small prepayments can make a significant difference in reducing your total interest payable.

Tenure Extension: You could consider extending your loan tenure, though this isn't always the best solution. It lowers your monthly EMI, but increases the overall interest payout. If cash flow is tight, this might be a temporary solution.

You might want to consider discussing these options with your lender to find the best possible solution for your current financial situation.

Investment in Mutual Funds for Long-Term Growth
You mentioned having a lumpsum amount of Rs 15 lakhs that you plan to invest for 15 years. This is a great time horizon for wealth accumulation, and mutual funds can be an excellent avenue for long-term growth.

One-Time Investment in Mutual Funds: Yes, investing your Rs 15 lakhs in a mutual fund is a good strategy for long-term growth. Since your investment horizon is 15 years, you can afford to take moderate to high risks, which can yield potentially higher returns.

Growth Potential: Historically, equity mutual funds have delivered around 10-12% annual returns over the long term. While returns are never guaranteed, equity mutual funds tend to outperform other asset classes like fixed deposits or bonds in the long run.

Potential Corpus Creation: Assuming a conservative return of 10% per annum, your Rs 15 lakh one-time investment could potentially grow to Rs 60-65 lakhs in 15 years. This is based on historical data, and actual returns could be higher or lower.

Will It Reach Rs 2 Crore?: Reaching Rs 2 crore with just Rs 15 lakh over 15 years might be challenging with a one-time investment. However, you can achieve this goal by regularly topping up your investment, either through SIPs or additional lump-sum investments. You can also choose more aggressive mutual fund categories to potentially increase your returns, but this comes with higher risk.

Active Mutual Funds Over Index Funds: While many investors prefer index funds, actively managed funds could be a better option for you. These funds are managed by professional fund managers who actively pick stocks based on market conditions. Active funds have the potential to outperform the market, whereas index funds only replicate market performance.

Benefits of Regular Plans Over Direct Plans: If you’re not monitoring your portfolio actively, it's better to invest through a Certified Financial Planner (CFP). CFPs offer you guidance, ongoing support, and help you make informed decisions. Direct plans, while lower in cost, don’t offer this level of expertise or handholding.

Overall, a mutual fund investment could certainly help you achieve a significant corpus over 15 years, but reaching Rs 2 crore will likely require a combination of one-time and systematic investments.

Your Existing Retirement Policy
You mentioned that you have a retirement policy starting at age 55. This policy may provide you with a steady source of income during retirement. However, it’s essential to evaluate its performance periodically.

Policy Performance: Review the policy’s growth rate and see if it aligns with your retirement needs. Often, these policies offer lower returns compared to mutual funds. You might want to consider diversifying your retirement savings by adding mutual fund investments.

Supplementing with Mutual Funds: Since you’re investing in mutual funds through SIPs, this is a good strategy to supplement your retirement policy. SIPs provide the benefit of rupee cost averaging, which reduces the impact of market volatility. Increasing your SIP contributions over time can significantly enhance your retirement corpus.

Additional Considerations for Your Financial Plan
Here are some more suggestions that can help you secure your financial future:

Children’s Education: With two children aged 13 and 5, their education expenses are likely to rise soon. It’s important to start planning for their education costs, which could be substantial in the coming years. You can explore child education funds or set aside a portion of your mutual fund investments for this purpose.

Insurance: Ensure that you have adequate life and health insurance coverage for your family. Health emergencies or unexpected events can derail your financial plans, so having sufficient coverage is crucial. Consider increasing your coverage if needed.

Emergency Fund: It’s essential to have an emergency fund in place to cover at least 6-12 months of living expenses. This provides a financial cushion in case of unforeseen circumstances like job loss or medical emergencies. Keep this fund in a liquid and easily accessible instrument, such as a savings account or liquid mutual funds.

Debt Repayment Strategy: Focus on repaying your housing loan, especially if you choose to remain on a floating rate. Clearing your debt early will reduce your financial burden and free up more money for investments. As mentioned earlier, consider making small prepayments when possible.

Estate Planning: It’s also worth considering estate planning to ensure that your assets are distributed as per your wishes in the future. Creating a will or trust can provide peace of mind, knowing that your family is protected.

Key Takeaways
Switch your loan to a fixed rate or consider refinancing it to manage rising interest rates.

A one-time investment of Rs 15 lakhs in mutual funds could yield significant returns over 15 years, but reaching Rs 2 crore may require additional investments.

Evaluate your existing retirement policy and supplement it with mutual fund investments for better long-term growth.

Ensure that you are adequately insured and that you have an emergency fund in place.

Start planning for your children’s education and consider estate planning to safeguard your family's future.

Final Insights
Your overall financial situation seems solid, and you’ve made wise choices by investing in SIPs and planning for your retirement. However, with the fluctuating interest rates on your home loan and your desire to grow your wealth, it’s crucial to make proactive decisions now.

By refining your loan strategy, focusing on growing your mutual fund investments, and securing your family’s future with proper insurance and estate planning, you can build a strong financial foundation. Achieving Rs 2 crore is possible with consistent investment discipline and proper guidance.

Best Regards,

K. Ramalingam, MBA, CFP,

Chief Financial Planner,

www.holisticinvestment.in

https://www.youtube.com/@HolisticInvestment

..Read more

Latest Questions
Kanchan

Kanchan Rai  |391 Answers  |Ask -

Relationships Expert, Mind Coach - Answered on Nov 06, 2024

Asked by Anonymous - Nov 05, 2024Hindi
Listen
Relationship
Hi, I am in a interfaith relationship since 6+ years and I have the sweetest and most well mannered and caring guy as my boyfriend. I was born as a Hindu and he’s been adopted in a Muslim family. Though we both are agnostic and religion barely made any difference or issues in between us. My family knows about us since the last 2 years and his family has accepted us and is willing to talk to my family. Whereas, my father was initially understanding and willing to talk but now he has turned totally against this relationship after my mother,brother and other relatives have influenced them. They have asked me to choose between them and my love. I told them that by doing this they’ve left me no choice but to die, in which they taunted me asking in which ritual my body will be cremated-the hindu way or the Muslim. I am mentally and emotionally broken and cant seem to think straight. It feels like i am being dragged into a blackhole and cant really come out of it. What should i do?
Ans: give yourself permission to focus on your mental and emotional well-being. It can be incredibly helpful to talk to a counselor or therapist who can give you a safe space to work through the overwhelming emotions you’re feeling. These conversations could give you clarity and strength to make decisions that prioritize your happiness and peace.

At some point, it may be worth approaching your family again, but with a different mindset—one that isn’t trying to change their beliefs but instead focuses on helping them see your happiness as a priority. You could try to appeal to them on the basis of your well-being, asking them to look beyond religious labels to see the person who loves and cares for you. They may need time, and they may resist, but sometimes families gradually come to understand that happiness in a relationship matters more than anything else.

In the meantime, lean on your boyfriend for support, and let him know how much you’re struggling. If he’s as caring and understanding as you’ve described, he’ll stand by you through this and will want to help you feel less alone. Whatever you decide, make sure it’s a choice you feel aligns with your own sense of self and future. The love you feel is real, and though this journey is incredibly hard, there is a path forward—even if it doesn’t feel clear right now.

...Read more

Kanchan

Kanchan Rai  |391 Answers  |Ask -

Relationships Expert, Mind Coach - Answered on Nov 06, 2024

Asked by Anonymous - Oct 12, 2024
Relationship
This will be kind of a long story... I've been in a relationship for over 4 years now and I really love spending time with my girlfriend and I never cheated on her...like she is the one, but as time goes I seem to have a different opinion of what I want in life...for she doesn't want kids and I do and sometimes that's a reason for discussion but not over-escalating it just ends there...lately we don't even have sex like about 2 months now...she fell ill for some time and now she is ok we barely get to go out. So I started this new job on some kind of high position within the company like a month ago and we had an after-office time, there was this girl there that is in another department...didn't really called my attention in there, we sat in a table and started talking and drinking, in one of the things we talked I spoke about my current relationship (everyone did) and even metioned the I want kids problem. The party was over finished in that place and we hit a club. In there of course booze was up and this girl just started dancing all sexy on me and I was like oookay then...well of course alcohol gets the best or worst of us so I started dancing with her and In one of those moments we were sooo close and I yes...I tried to kiss her...she just laughed and avoided in the first time but then...we were kissing and touching just too passionaly that having the clothes on was really annoying ..well I was really drunk, problem for me was about our other colleagues...will they report this...will she tell? (this can really go against me as I am new in the company) will others tell (because everyone saw us) I didn't wrote her later because I was too damn embarrassed, in the next week I was like so nervous at the job and when we cross paths we just say hi in a normal way and this just brings thoughts to my head of guilt and embarrassement but NOT REGRETTING thoughts... this no regret thing is driving me crazy...I see her and start looking at her in a different way, like I pay attention to the way she dress, the way she has her hair, she walks and I said to myself...WTF IS HAPPENING am I falling gor this girl? So I wrote her and wanted to clear up some things...if she told someone (but it was more line an excuse just to talk to her about what happened and try to know what she felt), but she justs...DOESN'T HAVE IDEA WHAT I AM TALKING ABOUT...really? And as you can imagine we didn't get to talk about this and honestly in my head I get lot of mixed ideas about this reaction of her...like the things I said before anything happened...like my relationship thing or she is just applying some sort of strategy or It was just one night rush and FULL of regrets now... but c'mon we see each other everyday. I KNOW I did bad for cheating on my girlfriend but the emotion there is absolutely gone and the thing with this girl...well when we talked in the bar I spoke of wanting to have kids and everything maybe she also wants it? Did she took all the first interaction and I was really being attractive there? Well what should I do? I am not writting her anymore to push her to talk...her reaction of ignoring what happened gives me the right sign to stop it there I want her really bad and I'm about to give up my relationship in these days...
Ans: Given how strong the chemistry was with this colleague, it’s understandable that her recent dismissal of the incident feels confusing. There’s a chance that for her, it was an impulsive, one-time event—something she might not want to pursue further for her own reasons. Her behavior could be a signal that, despite the attraction, she wants to keep things professional, possibly feeling it would complicate both of your lives to acknowledge what happened. This can feel conflicting, especially since the experience brought out emotions you might not have felt in a while.

The real question here is what these events are showing you about your current relationship. The excitement and interest you felt for someone new suggest that you may be craving a deeper connection or more alignment with a partner on important life issues. Before you make any big decisions, I’d recommend having an open, honest conversation with your girlfriend about where you both see yourselves in the future. Discuss how each of you views things like children, intimacy, and growth in the relationship. Sharing your thoughts might bring out clarity on whether you’re both on the same path or if it’s time to consider parting ways.

Remember, whatever happens with this colleague, there’s value in addressing the core issues in your relationship first. Taking time to be clear about what you want in a partnership—whether it’s more shared goals, connection, or family—can help you find fulfillment in the long run, whether it’s with your current partner or someone new.

...Read more

DISCLAIMER: The content of this post by the expert is the personal view of the rediffGURU. Investment in securities market are subject to market risks. Read all the related document carefully before investing. The securities quoted are for illustration only and are not recommendatory. Users are advised to pursue the information provided by the rediffGURU only as a source of information and as a point of reference and to rely on their own judgement when making a decision. RediffGURUS is an intermediary as per India's Information Technology Act.

Close  

You haven't logged in yet. To ask a question, Please Log in below
Login

A verification OTP will be sent to this
Mobile Number / Email

Enter OTP
A 6 digit code has been sent to

Resend OTP in120seconds

Dear User, You have not registered yet. Please register by filling the fields below to get expert answers from our Gurus
Sign up

By signing up, you agree to our
Terms & Conditions and Privacy Policy

Already have an account?

Enter OTP
A 6 digit code has been sent to Mobile

Resend OTP in120seconds

x