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Ramalingam

Ramalingam Kalirajan  |6903 Answers  |Ask -

Mutual Funds, Financial Planning Expert - Answered on May 14, 2024

Ramalingam Kalirajan has over 23 years of experience in mutual funds and financial planning.
He has an MBA in finance from the University of Madras and is a certified financial planner.
He is the director and chief financial planner at Holistic Investment, a Chennai-based firm that offers financial planning and wealth management advice.... more
Asked by Anonymous - May 02, 2024Hindi
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Iam central government employee retired on December 24 near about 70 to 80 lacks RS my account as per my record and having own house & 5 acar agriculture land about 50 lacks.free medical cover & medicine.after retired 50 thousand pension per month.my liability is 2 daughter marriage & 8 lacks loan how many rupees ican invest for regular income.& Happy future retirement life.

Ans: Retiring from a central government job is a significant milestone, and planning for a financially secure and fulfilling retirement is paramount. Let's outline a strategy to ensure a comfortable retirement life while addressing your financial needs and goals.

Assessing Your Current Financial Situation
With approximately ?70 to ?80 Lakhs in your account, a pension of ?50,000 per month, and assets including a house and agricultural land, you have a solid foundation for retirement. However, it's essential to address existing liabilities and plan for future expenses, such as your daughters' marriages.

Managing Liabilities and Expenses
Prioritize paying off the ?8 Lakhs loan to reduce financial burden and free up funds for investment. Additionally, allocate a portion of your retirement corpus towards setting aside funds for your daughters' marriages. Consider creating a separate savings fund for these specific goals to ensure you're financially prepared when the time comes.

Creating a Sustainable Income Stream
To supplement your pension and ensure a steady income stream in retirement, consider investing a portion of your retirement corpus in income-generating assets. Fixed income options like Senior Citizen Savings Scheme (SCSS), Post Office Monthly Income Scheme (POMIS), or government bonds can provide regular income while preserving capital.

Diversifying Investments for Long-Term Growth
Allocate a portion of your retirement corpus towards growth-oriented investments to hedge against inflation and build wealth over the long term. Consider a diversified portfolio comprising equity mutual funds, real estate investment trusts (REITs), or dividend-paying stocks to capitalize on growth opportunities while managing risk.

Estimating Investment Capacity
With your retirement corpus and pension income, assess how much you can comfortably invest without compromising your financial security and lifestyle. Aim to strike a balance between generating regular income and pursuing growth-oriented investments to achieve your long-term financial goals.

Seeking Professional Guidance
Consult with a Certified Financial Planner to develop a personalized retirement income strategy tailored to your needs and objectives. They can help you optimize your investment portfolio, manage risks, and navigate tax implications to ensure a happy and financially secure retirement life.

Final Thoughts
By proactively managing your finances, addressing liabilities, and investing strategically, you can enjoy a fulfilling retirement with peace of mind. Remember to review your financial plan regularly and adjust as needed to adapt to changing circumstances and achieve your retirement aspirations.

Best Regards,
K. Ramalingam, MBA, CFP,

Chief Financial Planner,

www.holisticinvestment.in
DISCLAIMER: The content of this post by the expert is the personal view of the rediffGURU. Users are advised to pursue the information provided by the rediffGURU only as a source of information to be as a point of reference and to rely on their own judgement when making a decision.
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Ramalingam

Ramalingam Kalirajan  |6903 Answers  |Ask -

Mutual Funds, Financial Planning Expert - Answered on May 06, 2024

Asked by Anonymous - Apr 26, 2024Hindi
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Hello Sir ,I am 50 years old and a government servant in Rajasthan having served the department for 21 years now with 12 years of service still remaining . I own a house which is almost debt free, have invested in sip’s ,which are small amount but in different funds which includes SBI blue chip,nippon ,quant small cap fund ,Parag Parikh flexicap .I have one daughter and my wife is also a government teacher.We both would get around one crore each when we retire . My objective now is my daughter’s education,her marriage and post retirement a better life economically. I have family health insurance also despite government providing us with a free of cost health services.In which funds , for long and short term,I should invest to fulfill my future requirements.My job is pensionable.
Ans: It's commendable that you're thinking ahead and planning for your family's future. Here are some tailored suggestions for your financial goals:

For Daughter's Education:
Short-Term (0-5 Years): Consider investing in debt mutual funds or fixed deposits to ensure capital preservation for your daughter's near-term education expenses.
Long-Term (5+ Years): Since your daughter's education is a long-term goal, you can invest in a mix of equity mutual funds with a focus on growth. Look for diversified funds that offer exposure to large-cap, mid-cap, and flexi-cap segments.
For Daughter's Marriage:
Medium to Long-Term (5-15 Years): To accumulate funds for your daughter's marriage, you can allocate a portion of your investments to equity mutual funds with a longer investment horizon. Opt for a combination of large-cap and flexi-cap funds for stability and growth potential.
For Retirement:
Long-Term (12+ Years): As you have a pensionable job, your retirement corpus can supplement your pension income. Invest in a diversified portfolio of equity mutual funds along with a portion allocated to debt funds for stability. Aim for a balanced approach that accounts for both growth and capital preservation.
Fund Selection:
Equity Funds: Look for well-established funds with a consistent track record of performance and a focus on long-term wealth creation. Consider funds with a proven investment strategy and experienced fund managers.
Debt Funds: Choose debt funds that offer a blend of safety and returns suitable for your short-term goals. Opt for funds with a low credit risk and a moderate duration profile.
Balanced Funds: Consider allocating a portion of your investments to balanced funds, which offer a mix of equity and debt exposure. These funds provide diversification and stability to your portfolio.
Risk Management:
Review Regularly: Periodically review your investment portfolio to ensure it remains aligned with your financial goals and risk tolerance. Make adjustments as needed based on changes in your circumstances or market conditions.
Stay Informed: Stay updated on market trends, economic developments, and investment opportunities. Knowledge empowers you to make informed decisions and navigate financial markets effectively.
Consultation:
Seek Professional Advice: Consider consulting with a certified financial planner to develop a personalized financial plan tailored to your specific needs and objectives. A professional advisor can provide valuable insights and guidance to help you achieve your financial goals effectively.
By following these recommendations and staying disciplined in your investment approach, you can work towards securing a bright and financially stable future for yourself and your family.

..Read more

Ramalingam

Ramalingam Kalirajan  |6903 Answers  |Ask -

Mutual Funds, Financial Planning Expert - Answered on May 07, 2024

Asked by Anonymous - May 02, 2024Hindi
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I am 45 working with 15lakh in hand pacakge I hvae property worth 2 crore in which I am living . Family of 3 (me my wife and daughter 8 ) no loan Assest inveatment of 1.2 crore as property. Sip of total 5000 in index funds Epf worth 15lakh Fd 10lakh Helath hdfc 10 lkah and 20lakh with company and term insurance (1 crore ) How much corpse required for retirement and child education .
Ans: It's commendable that you're thinking ahead about your retirement and your child's education. Let's assess your financial situation and estimate the corpus required for your retirement and your daughter's education:

Retirement Corpus:
Consider factors such as your desired retirement age, expected lifespan, estimated post-retirement expenses, and inflation.
Determine your retirement income needs, including living expenses, healthcare costs, and leisure activities.
Calculate the corpus required to generate the desired income using conservative withdrawal rates and factoring in inflation.
Child's Education Corpus:
Estimate the cost of your daughter's education, including tuition fees, accommodation, and other related expenses.
Consider the inflation rate for education expenses and the duration until your daughter enters college.
Calculate the corpus required to fund her education using a combination of savings, investments, and education loans if necessary.
Additional Considerations:
Take into account any other financial goals or obligations, such as buying a car or funding vacations.
Review your existing investments and savings to determine how much additional corpus you need to accumulate to meet your goals.
Developing a Financial Plan:
As a Certified Financial Planner, I recommend developing a comprehensive financial plan that addresses your retirement and education funding needs.
Consider various investment options, asset allocation strategies, and risk management techniques to achieve your goals.
Regularly review and adjust your financial plan as your circumstances change, such as salary increases, changes in expenses, or market fluctuations.
Seeking Professional Advice:
Consult with a financial advisor to analyze your current financial situation, set realistic goals, and create a customized financial plan.
A professional can provide personalized guidance and recommend strategies to help you achieve your retirement and education funding objectives.
By proactively planning for your retirement and your daughter's education, you can ensure a financially secure future for yourself and your family. Remember to stay disciplined in your savings and investment approach, and seek professional advice whenever needed. With careful planning and prudent financial management, you can achieve your goals and enjoy peace of mind.

..Read more

Ramalingam

Ramalingam Kalirajan  |6903 Answers  |Ask -

Mutual Funds, Financial Planning Expert - Answered on Aug 21, 2024

Asked by Anonymous - May 20, 2024Hindi
Money
I am 44/F. I still have 14 years of service remaining but I want to retire early in the next 5 years. Our combined family savings per month in PPF & SSY Rs. 50 k, MF rs. 95000, PF & VPF Rs. 25000, LIC Rs. 3000 , NPS Rs. 8500. Apart from this we have a corpus of Rs. 1.10 crore in various post office and FD Schemes, stock and MF Rs. 52 L, accumulated PF rs. 50 L, PPF & SSY Rs. 28 L, LIC SURRENDER VALUE rs. 9.80 L. We have to spend Rs. 1.40 crore after 5 years for my 2 kids higher education. We are debt free and as on date apart from our residential house we have other properties valuing approx. 3.5 crore. Have sufficient mediclaim as well as term insurance. We want rs. 1.5 L as monthly income even after retirement. Please guide how much we need to save and where to invest the required amount.
Ans: Assessing Your Current Financial Situation
You are in a strong financial position with a healthy savings habit and diversified investments. Your goal of early retirement in 5 years with a monthly income of Rs 1.5 lakh is ambitious but achievable with careful planning. Let’s assess your current financial landscape to create a strategy that meets your objectives.

Existing Investments and Savings
PPF & SSY Contributions: Rs 50,000 per month

Mutual Fund Investments: Rs 95,000 per month

PF & VPF Contributions: Rs 25,000 per month

LIC Premiums: Rs 3,000 per month

NPS Contributions: Rs 8,500 per month

Accumulated Corpus:

Post Office and FD Schemes: Rs 1.10 crore
Stocks and Mutual Funds: Rs 52 lakh
PF: Rs 50 lakh
PPF & SSY: Rs 28 lakh
LIC Surrender Value: Rs 9.80 lakh
You have a diversified portfolio with a mix of conservative and growth-oriented investments. Your savings rate is commendable, and you are debt-free, which adds to your financial security.

Financial Goal: Funding Higher Education
Your immediate goal is to set aside Rs 1.40 crore for your children’s higher education in 5 years. Given your existing corpus and ongoing investments, this goal is within reach.

Current Savings: Rs 2.49 crore (including PPF, SSY, PF, LIC, stocks, and MFs)

Education Goal: Rs 1.40 crore in 5 years

Assuming your investments continue to grow at a moderate rate, you should be able to comfortably meet this goal by allocating a portion of your current corpus and future savings. Consider setting aside Rs 1.40 crore from your post office and FD schemes, which are safer but have lower returns. This ensures the funds are available when needed.

Early Retirement Planning
Your target monthly income of Rs 1.5 lakh after early retirement in 5 years requires careful planning. Here’s a breakdown of how much you need to save and where to invest:

Estimating the Required Retirement Corpus
To generate Rs 1.5 lakh per month for 30 years after retirement, you need a substantial retirement corpus. Assuming a conservative withdrawal rate and factoring in inflation, you’ll need approximately Rs 5.5 crore to Rs 6 crore.

Current Investments and Future Contributions
Let’s evaluate how your current investments and savings will contribute to your retirement goal:

PPF & SSY: Continue your Rs 50,000 monthly contribution. In 5 years, this should grow to approximately Rs 61 lakh, providing a stable and tax-free income.

Mutual Funds: Your Rs 95,000 monthly SIPs will grow significantly over the next 5 years. Assuming an average return, this can grow to around Rs 81 lakh, which can be a key source of your retirement income.

PF & VPF: Continuing with Rs 25,000 monthly contributions will grow your EPF corpus to around Rs 71 lakh. This provides a stable income source post-retirement.

NPS Contributions: Your Rs 8,500 monthly contributions will add up to a reasonable corpus of around Rs 10 lakh in 5 years. NPS offers an additional income stream with tax benefits.

LIC Policies: With a surrender value of Rs 9.80 lakh, consider evaluating if it’s better to reinvest this in a higher growth option. LIC policies often underperform compared to mutual funds.

Post Office and FD Schemes: Your Rs 1.10 crore in conservative schemes provides safety but low returns. Consider diversifying part of this into balanced mutual funds or debt funds for better growth with low risk.

Stocks and Mutual Funds: Your Rs 52 lakh investment in stocks and mutual funds can be rebalanced to align with your risk tolerance as you approach retirement. Consider shifting some equity exposure to balanced or hybrid funds to reduce risk.

Strategy to Achieve Your Retirement Goal
Based on your current assets and future needs, here’s how you can achieve your retirement goal:

1. Continue with Existing Investments:
Maintain your current SIPs in mutual funds. They provide growth and help you achieve your retirement corpus.

Keep contributing to PPF, SSY, and PF as they offer stable, tax-free returns.

Review your LIC policies. If they are underperforming, consider surrendering them and reinvesting the surrender value into mutual funds or debt funds.

2. Rebalance Your Portfolio:
Diversify your post office and FD investments. Consider allocating a portion to balanced mutual funds or debt funds, which offer better returns with moderate risk.

Reduce equity exposure as you near retirement. Shift some equity investments into balanced or hybrid funds to reduce volatility.

3. Building the Required Corpus:
Your goal is to accumulate Rs 5.5 crore to Rs 6 crore. Based on your current savings rate and existing corpus, this is achievable with disciplined investing.

Consider increasing your monthly contributions to mutual funds or NPS, if possible. This will boost your retirement corpus.

4. Withdrawal Strategy Post-Retirement:
Use a Systematic Withdrawal Plan (SWP) in mutual funds for monthly income. This provides flexibility and tax efficiency.

Utilize your PPF, SSY, and PF for stable income streams. They offer guaranteed returns and tax benefits.

NPS can provide additional monthly income through annuities, but consider using it as a secondary income source.

Final Insights
Your goal of early retirement with a monthly income of Rs 1.5 lakh is within reach. You are on the right track with your current investments and savings. Continue with disciplined investing, rebalance your portfolio as you approach retirement, and focus on accumulating the required corpus.

Consider consulting with a Certified Financial Planner to fine-tune your strategy and ensure you stay on course.

Best Regards,

K. Ramalingam, MBA, CFP,

Chief Financial Planner,

www.holisticinvestment.in

..Read more

Ramalingam

Ramalingam Kalirajan  |6903 Answers  |Ask -

Mutual Funds, Financial Planning Expert - Answered on Aug 23, 2024

Asked by Anonymous - Jul 13, 2024Hindi
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I m 41 Govt service Salary 2.5 lks pm GPF PPF n FD are 1Cr MF n stocks 20 lks Car laon 6lks remained with 8%interest Want to retire by 46 Will get pension around 1.5 lks Need funds for two daughters education right now one is pursuing 7th n other 4th n marriage Suggest financial planning
Ans: You have a solid financial foundation with significant savings in GPF, PPF, and FD. Your mutual funds and stocks add further strength. The car loan is manageable but should be addressed soon. With your pension in place, you are on a good path. However, focusing on specific goals like retirement, your daughters' education, and their marriages will help.

Retirement Planning
You plan to retire at 46, just five years from now. Your expected pension of Rs. 1.5 lakh per month will provide a steady income. However, considering inflation and your lifestyle needs, supplementing this pension with other income streams would be wise.

Evaluate Mutual Fund Portfolio: Ensure your mutual fund investments are aligned with your risk appetite and retirement timeline. Shift from high-risk funds to more stable ones as you near retirement.

Systematic Withdrawal Plan (SWP): After retirement, consider an SWP from your mutual fund corpus. This can provide additional monthly income, reducing the need to dip into your principal.

Debt Management: Prioritize clearing your car loan of Rs. 6 lakh. Eliminating this debt before retirement will free up more of your pension for essential expenses.

Daughters' Education Planning
Your daughters’ education is a priority, with one in 7th grade and the other in 4th. Education costs can escalate, so planning ahead is crucial.

Dedicated Education Fund: Allocate specific mutual fund investments toward your daughters' education. Choose funds that offer stability and moderate growth over the next 5-10 years.

Sukanya Samriddhi Yojana (SSY): Consider this scheme for your younger daughter. It offers a secure and tax-free way to save for her future education.

Start an SIP: Begin a systematic investment plan (SIP) in a balanced or hybrid mutual fund. This will grow steadily over the next few years, helping you manage education expenses.

Daughters' Marriage Planning
Marriage is another significant financial goal that requires early planning. Starting now will help accumulate a sizable corpus without straining your finances.

Goal-Based Investment: Open a dedicated mutual fund account for each daughter’s marriage. Choose funds that balance growth and stability, like a mix of large-cap and balanced funds.

Consider Gold: Though not recommended as an investment, gold is often a traditional asset in marriage expenses. If relevant, consider allocating a small portion to Sovereign Gold Bonds.

Health and Insurance
Given your nearing retirement and family responsibilities, health insurance is crucial. Your pension might not cover all medical expenses, especially as you age.

Health Insurance: Ensure you have adequate health insurance for yourself and your family. This should cover hospitalization, critical illness, and maternity benefits if required.

Life Insurance Review: Assess your existing life insurance policies. Ensure they provide adequate coverage for your family in your absence. Consider increasing coverage if needed.

Estate Planning
Planning for the distribution of your assets is essential, especially with dependents.

Will and Nomination: Draft a will to ensure your assets are distributed as per your wishes. Make sure all your financial instruments have proper nominations.

Trusts and Legal Considerations: If you wish to ensure your daughters’ education and marriage expenses are covered, consider setting up a trust. This can provide a secure way to manage funds for their future.

Final Insights
You are on a strong financial path with your pension, savings, and investments. By refining your financial strategy, focusing on specific goals, and clearing debts, you can secure your future and your daughters’. A Certified Financial Planner can provide ongoing support as your needs evolve. Take proactive steps now to enjoy a stress-free retirement and ensure your daughters' futures are secure.

Best Regards,

K. Ramalingam, MBA, CFP,

Chief Financial Planner,

www.holisticinvestment.in

..Read more

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Kanchan

Kanchan Rai  |387 Answers  |Ask -

Relationships Expert, Mind Coach - Answered on Nov 03, 2024

Asked by Anonymous - Nov 01, 2024Hindi
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I am 45 years old female, single child, I fell in love wid a guy during college, he is short tempered other than that when hez ok he used to care me so so so much. We got married when i was jobless and when he just started a business. The business isnt going tht well and after having two kids i started realising he is not at all ready to take any responsibilities, always he is lazy once he reach home and i am working and i am the one who has to do evry work along with work. When we fight he doesnt do any physical Abuse but mentallyy he abuses me so much that i feel myself useless. My parents too started saying that they never saw us happily instead we are always fighting and we are never at peace. I really was never able to understand him. I feel he has too much ego and wanna win every fight. He too says the same about me, but i am the one who goes and solves most of our fights by begging him badly. I decided to divorce him frm last one year but never had the guts tu say it to him openly. Was very afraid. Recently i met a guy, he have been noticing me for so long, we became friends first, very quickly he became my best friend, i have never in my life been able to read someones mind so well, so i am Able to take care of him so well, similarly never in my life i was respected so much for everything i do, or never was i cared so much. My own husband doesnt know what all i like, but this bestie knows. Slowly slowly we fell in love. I have confirmed my thought about divorce, and my Husband instead of even clutching on to me He is saying you just go i dont wanna beg you to stay for me. I dont wanna beg to a girl like you. He is very kind and soft outside only inside my house to me he is very very arrogant and fighting. Once i make this divorce decision public everyone will blame me, everyone will point out me as culprit, but i dont wanna continue anymore, i am done with this. What shall i do now ??
Ans: It seems like you’ve reached a point where you’re ready to prioritize yourself, which is a powerful realization. Divorce is a big step, and the fear of judgment from others is understandable, but your well-being and peace of mind should come first. In situations like this, people often rush to judge, especially if they don’t see the full picture, but those who care about you will come to understand and support your decision over time.

The love and respect you’ve found with your friend have likely shown you what’s been missing in your marriage: appreciation, understanding, and care. This relationship seems to have opened your eyes to what you deserve and given you the strength to take action. Still, take things slowly to make sure your next steps are about building the future you want rather than escaping the past.

If you haven’t already, consider speaking with a counselor or therapist who can provide you with support and guidance through this transition. They can help you work through any lingering guilt or fear and navigate the practical and emotional complexities of divorce. Having a supportive, nonjudgmental space to process everything will make a difference as you take steps toward a healthier and happier life.

Ultimately, if your heart is set on ending this marriage, trust that decision and give yourself permission to move forward. It will be hard at first, but taking this step toward self-respect and peace is worth it, even if others don’t immediately understand. You deserve a life filled with love, respect, and joy—don’t let fear of judgment hold you back from finding it.

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Kanchan

Kanchan Rai  |387 Answers  |Ask -

Relationships Expert, Mind Coach - Answered on Nov 03, 2024

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I am married for 5years with 2kids.. i am an employee and had to stay 100kms away from my native place on work purpose.. I opted to take my kids along as they are too small(3+ and 1+).. I asked my husband to accompany me as he is unemployed and staying at home.. But he refused and likes to stay with his mother.. He has a brother to look after his mother and his married sister also stays very near to them.. I sometimes feel very stressed out to handle my job and look after my kids.. i have no support from my husband neither emotionally nor financially.. i tried everything possible but he just talks about my earnings not wt i am going through.. wt i should do?
Ans: In a partnership, mutual support and shared responsibilities are essential, and it’s natural to feel frustrated and even resentful if your husband is prioritizing his comfort over your needs and well-being. Since he’s not providing emotional or financial support, it might be time to set some boundaries and expectations to protect your own peace and ensure you’re not carrying everything alone.

Start by calmly sharing how this situation affects you—not just financially but emotionally and physically. Emphasize that while you understand his desire to stay close to his family, your situation is not sustainable, and you need him to step up. You might also consider counseling, either together or on your own, to find ways to cope with your stress and explore solutions to address this imbalance in your relationship.

If he’s unwilling to make changes or support you even after open conversations, it may be necessary to think about your long-term well-being and that of your children. Your strength and resilience in handling so much on your own are admirable, but you also deserve a partner who is invested in your happiness and shares the load.

In the meantime, is there any possibility of support from family, friends, or childcare services near your work location? Having some practical help, even temporarily, could relieve some of your stress and allow you to focus on what’s best for you and your children going forward. Remember, you are not alone, and reaching out to build a support network can make a world of difference in helping you navigate this challenging time.

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Kanchan

Kanchan Rai  |387 Answers  |Ask -

Relationships Expert, Mind Coach - Answered on Nov 03, 2024

Asked by Anonymous - Oct 03, 2024Hindi
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Relationship
Madam am working women of age 28 working for past 5 years , I am in living relationship with my boyfriend who is 38 now. I want to do marriage and settle now but my partner doesn't feel necessary to do marriage and if I force he is telling he will do court marriage which am not interested to do. He is not ready to meet or convince my parents for marriage . I have given him money for buying a property which I was least interested. He started controlling all my finances which I felt incorrect so I questioned him which made his ego hurt and he has hit me twice. My parents are now telling me to get married but I don't know what to do. Sometimes when he ia not around I tried talking to other guys in dating app which afterwards am feeling guilty for cheating him. Nowadays I lost interest in everything I don't have courage to end my life so not able to concentrate on my work. Please tell me what I need to do to correct my path as it's getting hell day by day.
Ans: Right now, it might be helpful to take a step back from the relationship to regain your sense of self and control over your life. Talking to a trusted friend, family member, or even a counselor could help you find clarity, and having a support system can make it easier to make decisions that protect your well-being.

It’s understandable that you feel torn, especially since you’ve invested years and finances into this relationship. But it’s important to remember that you deserve a relationship where you feel valued, safe, and equal. The feelings of guilt about talking to others on dating apps are natural, but they’re also a sign that you might be searching for connection and respect that you’re not receiving in your current relationship.

Consider reclaiming control over your finances immediately. Seek guidance on how to separate your financial dealings from him, as it’s essential for you to be able to support and manage yourself independently. Ending this relationship might be difficult, but it could also give you the freedom to rebuild your confidence, focus on your goals, and find the stability and respect you deserve.

It’s clear that you’re strong enough to make changes; the courage you’ve shown in questioning his control and sharing your story here is proof. With the support of loved ones and professionals, you can find a way out of this painful situation and start building a life that brings you peace and happiness.

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Kanchan

Kanchan Rai  |387 Answers  |Ask -

Relationships Expert, Mind Coach - Answered on Nov 03, 2024

Asked by Anonymous - Nov 01, 2024Hindi
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Relationship
Hii, my husband and I have a love marriage after 9 years of dating, now it has been 6 years and two children after that, little one is 8months old. He had a brief affair extending to chatting mostly as far as I know to someone who works in the same company but different department to him when my little one was 1 month old, we were in rough patch that time due to child birth difficulties and family drama. Then as I got to know about the same, by casually checking his phone and confronted him he accepted his mistake and said sorry. And said he won't be doing that again but I caught him again somehow chatting and same repeat he said he is wrong and now as per him he have reduced talking to that girl. But as I think he talks to her thoda bhot, as she is his junior position and asks for help once a while. I love my husband a lot, but this thing hurt my self respect and I am in a lot of torture mentally. I know my husband won't leave me, but I don't want to stay in such a relationship which feels a burden to my partner. I want my husband to be happy too. I am very confused what to do. I have talked to him on several times, every time he listen and helps me calm down, some times we fought also. But I am not at peace. Ps that girl is also married to her love just 2 years back. I don't want to harm my husband's reputation in any way. But I am very much hurt also. I have been reading your column for 3-4 now. I am also financially independent. I don't need anything form him, just his love. Sorry for the length, please help me.?
Ans: In your heart, it’s clear that you love him deeply and that, ideally, you want to preserve your family and relationship. However, it’s important not to dismiss your own needs for validation, love, and respect. Sometimes, the process of forgiveness includes setting strong, clear boundaries. Your husband needs to understand that while you’re willing to work on the relationship, trust is fragile and requires commitment to restore. This might mean a commitment on his part to keep all communication with this colleague strictly professional and transparent, or even a decision to minimize interactions with her entirely if necessary. Expressing these boundaries clearly may help him see the gravity of what’s at stake.

It’s also valuable to remember that healing from betrayal is not a quick process. Even with reassurances and boundaries in place, your feelings of hurt, betrayal, and anger may surface unexpectedly. Be gentle with yourself in this process and consider turning inward to strengthen your own resilience. Financial independence is an incredible strength, and leaning into the aspects of your life that bring you personal fulfillment can be grounding. Investing in your own well-being will help you feel more centered, no matter where this journey takes you.

If, at any point, you feel that his actions aren’t aligning with his words and that trust cannot be rebuilt, remember that choosing a path that prioritizes your mental peace is not a failure. Some couples also find that a temporary separation helps provide clarity; this doesn’t have to mean ending the relationship but could be a chance to reset, reflect, and decide if you both are truly aligned in your vision for the future.

In the end, what matters most is that you feel respected, valued, and loved in a way that doesn’t compromise your self-worth. This situation is a challenging chapter, but with clarity, boundaries, and professional support, you can find a path that honors both your love for your husband and your own dignity.

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DISCLAIMER: The content of this post by the expert is the personal view of the rediffGURU. Investment in securities market are subject to market risks. Read all the related document carefully before investing. The securities quoted are for illustration only and are not recommendatory. Users are advised to pursue the information provided by the rediffGURU only as a source of information and as a point of reference and to rely on their own judgement when making a decision. RediffGURUS is an intermediary as per India's Information Technology Act.

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