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How Can I Check My UTI Primary Equity Fund Status?

Ramalingam

Ramalingam Kalirajan  |10902 Answers  |Ask -

Mutual Funds, Financial Planning Expert - Answered on Feb 06, 2025

Ramalingam Kalirajan has over 23 years of experience in mutual funds and financial planning.
He has an MBA in finance from the University of Madras and is a certified financial planner.
He is the director and chief financial planner at Holistic Investment, a Chennai-based firm that offers financial planning and wealth management advice.... more
Nithin Question by Nithin on Feb 05, 2025Hindi
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How can i know my UTI Primary equity fund status

Ans: Yes, UTI Primary Equity Fund does not exist. You might be referring to UTI Flexi Cap Fund (formerly UTI Equity Fund).

To check your UTI Flexi Cap Fund status:

Visit www.utimf.com and log in.
Use folio number or PAN to check holdings.
Download UTI Mutual Fund app for mobile access.
Call 1800 266 1230 for customer support.

Visit a UTI branch for offline assistance.

Best Regards,

K. Ramalingam, MBA, CFP,

Chief Financial Planner,

www.holisticinvestment.in
https://www.youtube.com/@HolisticInvestment
DISCLAIMER: The content of this post by the expert is the personal view of the rediffGURU. Users are advised to pursue the information provided by the rediffGURU only as a source of information to be as a point of reference and to rely on their own judgement when making a decision.
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Ramalingam

Ramalingam Kalirajan  |10902 Answers  |Ask -

Mutual Funds, Financial Planning Expert - Answered on May 08, 2024

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Good mutual fund of uti to invest lum sum
Ans: UTI Mutual Fund offers a range of funds catering to various investment objectives and risk profiles. While I can't recommend specific funds, I can offer some guidance on selecting a suitable UTI Mutual Fund for lump sum investment:
1. Define Your Investment Goals: Determine your investment objectives, time horizon, and risk tolerance before selecting a mutual fund. Different UTI funds cater to growth, income, or balanced objectives.
2. Consider Fund Categories: UTI Mutual Fund offers equity funds, debt funds, hybrid funds, and thematic funds. Choose a fund category that aligns with your investment goals and risk appetite.
3. Assess Performance: Evaluate the historical performance of UTI funds within your chosen category. Look for consistent long-term performance and fund managers with a track record of generating returns in line with your objectives.
4. Expense Ratio: Consider the expense ratio of the fund, which represents the annual fees charged by the fund house. Lower expense ratios can enhance your returns over time.
5. Fund Manager Expertise: Assess the expertise and experience of the fund manager managing the UTI fund you're interested in. A skilled and experienced fund manager can make a significant difference in fund performance.
6. Risk Management: Evaluate the risk management practices of the fund house and the specific fund. Ensure that the fund's risk profile aligns with your risk tolerance and investment horizon.
7. Diversification: Consider diversifying your investment across different UTI funds or asset classes to spread risk and optimize returns.
8. Read Scheme Documents: Review the scheme documents, including the scheme information document (SID) and the Key Information Memorandum (KIM), to understand the fund's investment objectives, strategy, and risk factors.
9. Consult a Financial Advisor: If you're uncertain about selecting a UTI Mutual Fund or need personalized advice, consider consulting a certified financial planner who can assess your financial situation and recommend suitable funds.
Remember to conduct thorough research and due diligence before investing in any mutual fund, including those offered by UTI Mutual Fund. Additionally, stay updated on market trends and economic developments that may impact your investment decisions.

..Read more

Ramalingam

Ramalingam Kalirajan  |10902 Answers  |Ask -

Mutual Funds, Financial Planning Expert - Answered on Jun 20, 2025

Money
how to check whether my mutual fund units are in demat or SOA?
Ans: Knowing how your mutual fund units are held is a key step in managing your portfolio.
Many investors do not check this. You are already one step ahead.
Let us now understand clearly how to identify whether your mutual fund units are in Demat form or SOA (Statement of Account) mode.

Two Ways Mutual Fund Units Can Be Held
There are only two holding modes:

Demat Mode

SOA or Non-Demat Mode

Demat Mode means units are held like shares, in a demat account.

SOA Mode means units are held directly with the fund house.
You receive a Statement of Account from AMC.

Step-by-Step: How to Check Holding Type
You can confirm how your units are held in the following ways:

1. Check With Your Mutual Fund Distributor
If you are investing through a Certified Financial Planner

Or a mutual fund distributor

Just ask them

They can tell you instantly

They can check all your folios and confirm the mode

2. Login to CAMS or KFintech Website
These are mutual fund registrar platforms.

Go to CAMS (www.camsonline.com)

Or KFintech (www.kfintech.com)

Use PAN and email to login

Download your consolidated mutual fund statement

It will show each scheme and holding type

Look for these signs:

If it shows DP ID and Client ID, it is in Demat

If it shows Folio Number only, it is in SOA mode

3. Login to Your Demat Account
If you are using any demat account:

Login to your demat account portal

Go to holdings section

See if mutual fund units are visible

If yes, those units are held in demat mode

If not visible, they are most likely in SOA mode

4. Check Email for Account Statements
Check your mailbox for past AMC statements

Statements from CAMS or KFintech show folio-wise details

Look for any reference to NSDL/CDSL

If not there, units are in SOA mode

5. Contact Mutual Fund AMC Directly
Call or email the AMC (fund house)

Share your folio number or PAN

Ask them if your units are in demat or SOA

They will confirm accurately

Understanding the Difference – Demat vs SOA
It’s important to know how each mode works.

Demat Mode
Units are held with your stock broker

You can see them with your shares

One statement for shares and MFs

You can buy or sell through broker platform

But selling takes more steps

Costs include demat charges

SOA Mode
Units are held with AMC registrar

You get folio statements directly

Easier to track SIPs and do STP/SWP

No demat charges

Redemption is simple through AMC or distributor

You get full control and flexibility

Disadvantages of Demat Mode
Some investors think demat is modern. But there are some real issues.

Cannot do switch between funds easily

Cannot set STP or SWP easily

Difficult to invest in SIP across AMCs

You pay AMC + demat platform charges

Redemption may take more time

No dedicated Certified Financial Planner guidance

Demat mode is only good for stock investors.
For long-term wealth building through mutual funds, SOA is better.

Why SOA Mode Is More Effective for Mutual Fund Investors
As a Certified Financial Planner, I always suggest SOA mode.
Mutual funds in SOA mode are simpler and more powerful.

Key benefits:
Works perfectly for SIP, SWP, STP

Easier to manage goal-based planning

More flexible with fund house changes

No demat maintenance cost

Redemptions are faster and smoother

Better reporting through Certified Financial Planner

If you are investing through a Certified Financial Planner or MFD,
SOA mode ensures personalisation and clarity.

Extra Care: Avoid Holding in Both Modes
Some investors have part units in demat and part in SOA.
This causes confusion during tracking and redemption.

Keep all units in one mode. Prefer SOA.

If you have any units in demat, shift them to SOA mode.

How to shift:
Submit rematerialisation request through DP (broker).
AMC will convert demat units into SOA folio.

Your Certified Financial Planner can help in this process.

Final Insights
You asked a sharp question.
It shows you are serious about your investments.
Tracking where and how your funds are held is very important.
Use CAMS, KFintech, AMC, or demat login to find this info.
Always prefer SOA mode for better flexibility and control.
Avoid demat if you are only focused on mutual funds.
Demat adds charges and reduces planning options.
Work with a Certified Financial Planner to track holdings better.
They give you structured reports and timely reviews.
They help in switching funds, starting new SIPs, and rebalancing.
For long-term goals like retirement or child education, SOA is ideal.
Make sure all your investments are consolidated under one clear plan.
Avoid mix-up across modes or platforms.
This will help your wealth grow without confusion or leakage.

Best Regards,
K. Ramalingam, MBA, CFP,
Chief Financial Planner,
www.holisticinvestment.in
https://www.youtube.com/@HolisticInvestment

..Read more

Ramalingam

Ramalingam Kalirajan  |10902 Answers  |Ask -

Mutual Funds, Financial Planning Expert - Answered on Jul 21, 2025

Money
What is the fate of my investment in UTI's Master Share scheme, which I had invested around 1987 to 1992 & now lost entire bunch of certificates, in transit when I changed my accomodation. Now I do not have any clue i. e. Folio number.. How can I recover the money invested?
Ans: It's completely understandable to feel stressed when old investments get lost in transition. But there is a clear process in place to help investors like you recover long-forgotten mutual fund investments—even without folio numbers or physical certificates.

Let us address this step-by-step from a Certified Financial Planner’s point of view.

? Understanding Your Investment Background

– You had invested in UTI Mastershare between 1987 and 1992.
– These were likely physical unit certificates.
– Now those are lost during your house shifting.
– You no longer remember the folio number or unit details.
– You want to know how to reclaim or trace the investment.

Let me reassure you—it is very much possible to recover your investment.

? Why You Can Still Recover This Investment

– Mutual funds in India are SEBI-regulated and traceable.
– All units, even old ones, are managed under registrar records.
– UTI Mutual Fund has proper data on old investors.
– They are legally bound to verify your identity and help trace records.
– Even without folio number, they can search with your PAN, name, address, and bank details.

So your money is not lost, just needs effort to trace.

? Steps You Can Take to Recover Your Investment

Here’s the full process you must follow now.

? Step 1: Collect All Personal and Investment Clues

Start by preparing the following:

– Your full name, as used during investment
– Father’s name (sometimes used in records pre-1990s)
– Your old residential address during that investment period
– PAN card (if you had it at the time or now)
– Bank name and branch used for the original investment
– Any cheque stub, bank passbook, or UTI letter (if available)
– Approximate years of investment (1987–1992 in your case)

Even small clues will help narrow down the search.

? Step 2: Reach Out to UTI Mutual Fund Directly

You must now send a written request to UTI Mutual Fund with all above details.

Where to send:

UTI Asset Management Company Ltd
Investor Relations Department
UTI Tower, ‘Gn’ Block,
Bandra Kurla Complex,
Bandra (East), Mumbai – 400051

Or contact their investor helpline:

Toll-Free: 1800 22 1230

Email: invest (at the rate of) uti.co.in

Clearly mention that:
– You had invested in UTI Mastershare (1986 Scheme)
– Approximate period (1987 to 1992)
– Units were lost in transit
– You don’t remember folio number
– Requesting a search by name, old address, and PAN

Attach self-attested copies of:
– PAN card
– Aadhaar card
– Address proof (current and if possible, old)
– Signed letter with full explanation

They will take a few days or weeks to respond with a trace or a request for further details.

? Step 3: Once Folio Is Found – Apply for Duplicate Units

Once UTI confirms they found your record:

– They will guide you to fill a duplicate unit request form
– You will have to submit indemnity bond and possibly affidavit
– If units are in physical form, they will issue an account statement
– If units were converted to demat, they will guide you to link with your demat
– You can request redemption or switch to newer schemes

Once reissued, you can also consolidate units into a modern folio with PAN and KYC compliance.

? Step 4: Update KYC and Link PAN If Not Already Done

If your PAN was not linked earlier, you may be required to complete full KYC process:

– Submit PAN, Aadhaar, Photo, Address Proof
– This allows you to receive money or continue investing
– UTI will guide if any KYC update is needed
– It is mandatory now for all mutual fund units to be KYC compliant

? Step 5: If You Still Get No Response – Use RTI or SEBI SCORES

If after following all steps, UTI does not respond:

– File a Right to Information (RTI) request to UTI
– Or register complaint on SEBI SCORES portal
(https://scores.gov.in)

Explain everything and attach your documents. SEBI will ensure UTI takes action.

? About Tax and Maturity Value of Old Mastershare Units

– UTI Mastershare has grown well since launch.
– It is an equity-oriented scheme.
– Units invested in 1987–1992 may have multiplied many times.
– Dividends may have been paid (but now unclaimed).
– UTI can confirm your current unit value and accumulated dividends.
– If you redeem now, LTCG (Long Term Capital Gain) applies.

As per new tax rules:

Equity mutual fund LTCG above Rs 1.25 lakh is taxed at 12.5%.

STCG (if applicable) is taxed at 20%.

Tax is payable only if you redeem units.

If not needed, you may continue holding the investment. Or switch to new schemes with better diversification.

? What If It Was a Joint Investment?

If you had made it jointly with someone:

– Provide both names and details
– If second holder is deceased, then death certificate is needed
– Legal heir or nominee process applies if both holders not alive

UTI has a smooth process to handle joint or deceased holder cases. Just provide legal papers.

? If You Had Multiple Investments

– Don’t assume only one folio.
– You may have invested in more than one scheme.
– Request UTI to search for all folios linked to your name
– Many old investors find surprise folios with bonus units or dividends.

Always ask for consolidated statement from UTI for peace of mind.

? What You Can Do Going Forward

– Once recovered, move units to a single PAN-linked folio
– Do KYC and link Aadhaar
– Redeem if money is needed or switch to better mutual funds
– Avoid keeping mutual funds in physical form in future
– Always invest via regular plan with MFD + CFP guidance
– Register email, mobile and nominee for all future investments

Your old investment can now be used to build a fresh financial plan.

? Finally

– Your investment in UTI Mastershare is not lost.
– It is recoverable even after 30+ years.
– UTI is legally required to trace and return it.
– Follow the steps above patiently and clearly.
– Gather all identity documents and clues.
– Contact UTI in writing with explanation.
– Be persistent but polite.
– Use RTI or SEBI if they delay response.

You will most likely get back your full investment with growth.

Best Regards,
K. Ramalingam, MBA, CFP,
Chief Financial Planner,
www.holisticinvestment.in
https://www.youtube.com/@HolisticInvestment

..Read more

Latest Questions
Reetika

Reetika Sharma  |432 Answers  |Ask -

Financial Planner, MF and Insurance Expert - Answered on Dec 18, 2025

Asked by Anonymous - Dec 16, 2025Hindi
Money
Hello Reetika Mam, I am 48 year having privet Job. I have started investment from 2017, current value of investment is 82L and having monthly 50K SIP as below. My goal to have 2.5Cr corpus at the age of 58. Please advice... 1. Nippon India small cap -Growth Rs 5,000 2. Sundaram Mid Cap fund Regular plan-Growth Rs 5,000 3. ICICI Prudential Small Cap- Growth Rs 10,000 4. ICICI Prudential Large Cap fund-Growth Rs 5,000 5. ICICI Prudential Balanced Adv. fund-Growth Rs 5,000 6. DSP Small Cap fund Regular Growth Rs 5,000 7. Nippn India Pharma Fund- Growth Rs 5,000 8. SBI focused Fund Regular plan- Growth Rs 5,000 9. SBI Dynamic Asset Allocation Active FoF-Regular-Growth Rs 5,000
Ans: Hi,

You can easily achieve your goal of 2.5 crores after 10 years. Your current investment value of 82 lakhs alone can grow to 2.5 crores assuming CAGR of 12% and monthly 50k SIP will give additional 1.1 crores, making a total corpus of 3.6 crores at 58.

But I see a problem with your current allocation. The fund selection is more aligned towards small caps of different AMCs and very concentrated and overlapped portfolio.
You need to diversify it so as to secure your current investment while getting a decent CAGR of 12% over next 10 years.
Focus on changing your current funds to large caps and BAFs and flexicaps and avoid sectoral funds.

You can also work with an advisor to get detailed analysis of your portfolio.
Hence you should consult a professional Certified Financial Planner - a CFP who can guide you with exact funds to invest in keeping in mind your age, requirements, financial goals and risk profile. A CFP periodically reviews your portfolio and suggest any amendments to be made, if required.

Let me know if you need more help.

Best Regards,
Reetika Sharma, Certified Financial Planner
https://www.instagram.com/cfpreetika/

...Read more

Reetika

Reetika Sharma  |432 Answers  |Ask -

Financial Planner, MF and Insurance Expert - Answered on Dec 18, 2025

Money
Hi, I am 32 years old, married, and have a 4-year-old daughter. My monthly take-home salary is 55,000 rupees, and my wife's salary is 31,000 rupees, making our total income 86,000 rupees. I am currently in a lot of debt. Our total EMIs amount to 99,910 rupees (total loans with an average interest rate of 12.5%), and even with my father covering most of the monthly expenses, I still spend about 10,000 rupees. This leaves me with a shortage of approximately 25,000 rupees (debt) every month. My total debt across various banks is 36,50,000 rupees, and I also have a gold loan of 14 lakhs. I cannot change the EMI or loan tenure for another year. I also have a 2 lakh rupee loan from private lenders at an 18% interest rate. My total debt is over 52 lakhs. Now, with gold and silver prices rising, I'm worried that I won't be able to buy them again. I have an opportunity to get a 2 lakh rupee loan at a 12% interest rate, and I'm thinking of using that money to buy gold and silver and then pledge them at the bank again. Half of my current gold loan is from a similar situation – I took a loan from private lenders, bought gold, and then took a gold loan from the bank to repay the private loan. Given my current situation and my family's circumstances, should I buy more gold or focus on repaying my debts? What should I do? The monthly interest on my loans is approximately 50,000 rupees, meaning 50,000 rupees of my salary goes towards interest every month. What should I do in this situation? I also have an SBI Jan Nivesh SIP of 2000 rupees per month for the last four months. I have no savings left. I am thinking of taking out term insurance and health insurance, but I am hesitating because I don't have the money. I am looking for some suggestions to get out of these debts.
Ans: Hi Surya,

You are in a very complicated situation. This whole debt trapped needs to be worked on very judiciously. Let us go through all the aspects in detail.

1. Your total monthly household salary - 86000; monthly expense - 10000 contribution as of now; monthly EMI - approx. 1 lakhs.
2. Current loans - 36.5 lakhs from various banks at 12.5%; Gold Loan - 14 lakhs; private lenders - 2 lakhs at 18% >> totalling to 52 lakhs.
3. 50k interest per month payable - implies capital payment is very less leading to more problem.

- Keen on buying gold with loan. This is where more problem will began. Avoid buying gold using loan.
- Your focus should be on reducing your debt instead of increasing it.

Strategy to follow:
1. Close the loan with higher interest rate - 2 lakh personal lender. This will reduce your EMI and give you more potential to prepay other loans.
2. Try and take financial help from your family in prepaying small loans from banks. This can reduce your burden.
3. If you have any unused assets, can sell them to pay off your loans.

Points to NOTE:
> Avoid taking any more loans.
> When your EMI burden reduces, do make an emergency fund of 2-3 lakhs for yourself for any uncetain situation.
> Make sure to have a health insurance for yourself and family.
> Can stop your investments for now. They are of no use if your EMIs are more than your income. Can start investing once your EMI's reduce atleast by 20-30% for you.

Let me know if you need more help.

Best Regards,
Reetika Sharma, Certified Financial Planner
https://www.instagram.com/cfpreetika/

...Read more

Reetika

Reetika Sharma  |432 Answers  |Ask -

Financial Planner, MF and Insurance Expert - Answered on Dec 18, 2025

Money
Hello Sir ; I am 55 years old & have decided to retire by end of 2025 . My wife is in teaching profession , earns appx. 3.5 L / annum & will continue her service till 2037( @60 yrs. of age ) . My only child is an intellectually disabled person ( with Autism ) , 14 years of age & will be incapable to earn . As on date , I have 60 L in MF , going to sell a property by end of this year @ 41 L ( it is fixed ) , appx 5L in Bank & postal FD . My wife have 45L in MF as on date & 3 fully paid premium ULIP policy which will be matured by 2030. She can get appx. 25 L from there . This is by and large my family financial status . Now , my queries to you that with this corpus , how we manage our ( myself & wife’s ) livelihood & most important that to manage a continuous cash flow for my disabled child till his age 65 i.e. 50 years from now . Primarily , I have thought of SWP & MIS schemes to get regular income for th retirement . My present family expense is appx. 1L per month . Therefore , I do seek your expert advice in this regards . I will be highly obliged if you kindly address to my query . thanking you , with best regards ; Suprabhat Jatty.
Ans: Hi Suprabhat,

Let us analyse all things in detail - one at a time.
1. 5L in Bank and FD - this is your emergency fund. But if there is a lock-in on the postal FD, you need atleast 5 lakhs in bank FD as your emergency fund.
2. Health Insurance - it is the prime requirement for you and your family. You should have one covering you, your spouse as well as your kid. It will help you in uncertain health conditions of youself and family.
3. ULIP Policy - Usually policies like such are not beneficial. But these are all paid-up, good point here. Whenever you get this, try to invest it in equity and hybrid mutual funds.
4. You will get 41 lakhs from property selling. Invest the entire amount in mutual funds, a mix of equity and debt funds.
5. Cumulative MF portfolio = 1.05 crores. As the entire corpus is huge, take the advice of a proper advisor on managing your overall investments and portfolio. A guided investment always generates better result than a random portfolio.

Your annual needs - 12 lakhs; Wife will earn - 3.5 lakhs till 2037. You need additional 8.5 lakhs per year to manage your expenses.
- You can initiate a SWP from your overall savings after allocating it in correct funds with the help of advisor.
- You need to have a dedicated corpus for your son's need in your absence. Atleast 50-70 lakhs should be kept solely for your son.
- The overall corpus seems insufficient to meet your requirements for now. You can either postpone your retirement and create an additional savings corpus for your future and son. Or you may consider to work on your monthly budget.

Do work with a professional advisor to guide you with exact funds to meet your desired goals.
Hence consult a professional Certified Financial Planner - a CFP who can guide you with exact funds to invest in keeping in mind your age, requirements, financial goals and risk profile. A CFP periodically reviews your portfolio and suggest any amendments to be made, if required.

Let me know if you need more help.

Best Regards,
Reetika Sharma, Certified Financial Planner
https://www.instagram.com/cfpreetika/

...Read more

Kanchan

Kanchan Rai  |648 Answers  |Ask -

Relationships Expert, Mind Coach - Answered on Dec 18, 2025

Asked by Anonymous - Dec 17, 2025Hindi
Relationship
I am 43 years old married man, arranged marriage. Married for past 13 years with 4 kids (aged 2, 3, 10 and 13). I work abroad with good salary package and live with my family. My wife is MSc. and home maker. She teaches the kids and cooks and takes good care of kids. I am academic research scholar. From the start of our marriage, I noticed my wife does not open much and moderate religious person. I am also not very extrovert person. I work from 8 am to 5 pm in office which is walkable distance from my house. After coming from office, I help her in kichen daily, look after the kids, help kids in math, clean the house, put the yougest kid to sleep, then I get some 'me' time which happens only after 11:30 pm in the night. I dont use phone untill everybody is sleep or my kids dont allow me to use phone while i am playing with them. Now sometimes I feel we are just room mates with 1-2 times sex in a month. In terms of love with my wife, I initiate all the time, she never expresses love. I am not very possessive kind of person. She does not show any interest in my work and never ask me hows my day etc. She only smiles and rarely laught. I thought may be it will improve with time. There is no money issue, she buys what ever she likes. She has her own card and I provide extra money if she asks. I assumed may be she does not like me from the beginning but staying in marriage due to family pressure and kids. I am average looking person and dont accept everything what she says in terms of investment, holiday etc. I had accepted my fate. She started doing book writing and publishing online and now earning and keeping separate account, She is very excited about it and feels happy and shares with me the publication but not the earnings. I give suggestions and money what ever she asks for marketting and promotion etc. I am happy for her. Recently I came across an email in her phone which was from her ex. There was a long deleted chat, in summary they were madly in love but could not get married, i dont know the reason or even she never spoke about him. they kept chatting even after our marriage. Her ex got married and divorsed with one grownup kid. He is single and work abroad in a different country with good salary package (may be better than mine). She emailed him after long time I guess but now she is secretly chatting with him very often. she keeps her phone locked and deletes the chats. He is also interested and asking her to leave and marry him. She is not saying yes to him but regrets that she married me. At this point I dont know if I should talk to her regarding this but she will definitely be upset to know i checked her phone. Few years back we had a major fight (that time i didnot know about her ex), i had proposed for divorse and settle it mutually if she is not happy with me but she denied and stayed. I dont know what I should do to make her happy. we both are from very respected family in the society and I dont know if her parents knew about her affair. Even though she is chatting with him but she behaves very normal with me, no fight no argument, as if nothing is happening. I dont know whats in her mind, is she just casually chatting with him or buying time, waiting for the right moment to leave? Shall I file for divorse or accept my fate as room mates. Am I worrying too much?
Ans: First, let me say this clearly: you are not worrying “too much.” Your concerns are valid. When emotional connection, affection, and curiosity about each other’s inner worlds are absent for years, and when secrecy enters the relationship, it naturally shakes trust. The fact that she is emotionally engaging with a past love, hiding communication, and expressing regret about marrying you — even if not directly to your face — is not a small or harmless thing. It doesn’t automatically mean she will leave, but it does mean there is unresolved emotional business that cannot be ignored.
At the same time, it’s important not to jump straight to extremes like divorce or silent resignation. Right now, the most important thing is clarity — for you and for her. Living as silent roommates while carrying this knowledge will slowly erode your self-worth and peace of mind. You deserve honesty, and your marriage deserves a chance to be examined truthfully, not just maintained for appearances, family reputation, or routine.
If you choose to speak to her, the way you approach it will matter far more than the fact that you looked at her phone. Try not to lead with accusation or surveillance. Lead with your emotional reality. You can say something like: you’ve been feeling emotionally distant for a long time, you feel you’re always the one initiating closeness, and recently you’ve felt even more unsettled and insecure about where you stand in her life. You don’t need to reveal every detail of what you saw immediately; the goal is to open a conversation about emotional honesty, not to trap her in a confession.
Pay close attention to how she responds. Not defensiveness alone, but whether she shows willingness to reflect, to talk about her inner world, and to consider rebuilding emotional intimacy with you. A marriage can sometimes be repaired even after emotional betrayal — but only if both partners are willing to be transparent and actively work on reconnecting. If she avoids the conversation, minimizes your feelings, or continues secrecy, then you will have important information about where the marriage truly stands.
It’s also worth acknowledging something gently but honestly: your wife may have spent years emotionally closed not because of you alone, but because she never fully processed the loss of that earlier relationship. Her recent independence and success may have stirred unresolved emotions and old longings. That explains her behavior, but it does not justify secrecy or emotional infidelity. Understanding this can help you speak with compassion without sacrificing your boundaries.
Before making any legal decisions, I strongly encourage you to consider couples counseling, ideally with someone experienced in long-term marriages and emotional affairs. A neutral space can help both of you speak truths that feel too risky at home. It will also help you understand whether she wants to stay and rebuild, or whether she is emotionally preparing to leave.
As for “accepting your fate,” I want to be very clear: accepting a life where you feel invisible, undesired, and emotionally alone is not a virtue. It is a slow form of self-erasure. Your children benefit most not from parents who silently endure, but from adults who model honesty, self-respect, and emotional responsibility.
You don’t have to decide everything right now. But you do need to stop carrying this alone. The next step is not divorce or resignation — it’s an honest, calm, courageous conversation focused on emotional truth. From there, the path forward will become clearer, even if it’s difficult.

...Read more

Kanchan

Kanchan Rai  |648 Answers  |Ask -

Relationships Expert, Mind Coach - Answered on Dec 18, 2025

Asked by Anonymous - Dec 16, 2025Hindi
Relationship
My husband doesn't lock the door when we have s**. This was the main reason for his ex-wife to divorce him. His parents feel that it is safer to keep the door unlocked in case of emergencies. But honestly,I feel awkward. I am not comfortable. Once his sister casually walked in to pick up some stuff, ignoring us on the bed. I was clothed but it still made me feel uncomfortable. We don't have a private bedroom but we use the bed at night. There are two shared wardrobes in the room which people need to access. I have explained this to my husband but he says I need to learn to adjust and work around it. Even if the door is closed, I always fear that someone might just walk in. What to do?
Ans: This is not a small preference issue. This is about personal boundaries and bodily autonomy. Even if nothing “bad” has happened, the fear of being walked in on is enough to make your body stay tense. That anxiety alone can affect your sense of dignity, desire, and emotional security. The fact that his ex-wife divorced him over the same issue tells you that this pattern is longstanding and not something you are imagining.
Your husband and his parents may frame this as “safety” or “emergency access,” but that argument does not hold when weighed against your right to privacy. Emergencies are rare; violations of comfort are happening now. A locked door during intimacy does not mean negligence—it means respect. Many families manage emergencies with simple alternatives like knocking, calling out, or keeping keys for true emergencies. What’s happening instead is that your need for privacy is being minimized, and you are being asked to suppress discomfort for the convenience of others.
The incident with his sister casually entering is especially important. Even though you were clothed, your body registered that as a boundary breach. The fact that it was brushed off is likely reinforcing your fear that this could happen again. Over time, this can quietly erode trust and sexual comfort—not because you’re “overthinking,” but because your nervous system is constantly on alert.
You need to shift the conversation with your husband away from “adjustment” and toward non-negotiable boundaries. This isn’t about arguing logic; it’s about stating a clear emotional and physical limit. You might say something like:
“I cannot feel safe or comfortable being intimate without privacy. This isn’t something I can adjust to. If intimacy continues without a locked door, I will start avoiding it—not out of punishment, but because my body feels unsafe.”
That’s not a threat. That’s honesty.
If the room layout is genuinely impractical, then the solution is not for you to tolerate discomfort, but for the household to change logistics—restricted access at night, fixed timings, or creating a private space. Privacy is a shared responsibility, not a burden placed on one person to endure.
If your husband continues to dismiss this after you clearly express it, that’s a deeper issue than doors. It signals a lack of attunement to your emotional safety, and that deserves serious attention—possibly with a counselor, especially given that this issue has already broken a marriage before.
You are not asking for something unreasonable. You are asking for respect.

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Anu

Anu Krishna  |1754 Answers  |Ask -

Relationships Expert, Mind Coach - Answered on Dec 18, 2025

Relationship
Mam, I know some ways by which i can change my state of mind from lazy to working.. and having pressure/deadline helps to move on. But still I'm get trapped in guilt of actions and don't feel confident that next time i will be able to control myself..( cuz some actions give short pleasure/gratification easily.. but guilts also). And in all those silent, sad, depressed emotional time my Real working time gets wasted.. and feels like I just live in more guilt and saddness..even if it hurts. But don't wanna live like that!! What I do?
Ans: Dear Work,
Focus in any area of Life comes only when you realize WHY you are doing WHAT you are doing in that area.
For eg: If you decide to lose weight and just randomly join the gym without understanding WHY you are in the gym, a few days later, you will drop out. Mind you, that LOSING WEIGHT is not your reason; WHY do you want to lose that weight is the only thing that will keep you focused and motivated.
Hence, if you are giving into short term distractions, then obviously whatever it is that you are doing is not interesting you and so you get easily distracted.
Take one area of your life at a time; drop your goals in paper and mark a strong WHY against each. If it isn't motivating you enough, go back to the Drawing Board and do the exercise until you find that fire in your belly.

All the best!
Anu Krishna
Mind Coach|NLP Trainer|Author
Drop in: www.unfear.io
Reach me: Facebook: anukrish07/ AND LinkedIn: anukrishna-joyofserving/

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