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Should I Invest in Mutual Funds or the Stock Market?

Ramalingam

Ramalingam Kalirajan  |7831 Answers  |Ask -

Mutual Funds, Financial Planning Expert - Answered on Jul 25, 2024

Ramalingam Kalirajan has over 23 years of experience in mutual funds and financial planning.
He has an MBA in finance from the University of Madras and is a certified financial planner.
He is the director and chief financial planner at Holistic Investment, a Chennai-based firm that offers financial planning and wealth management advice.... more
Aradhana Question by Aradhana on Jul 18, 2024Hindi
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How to invest money in mutual fund and stock market

Ans: Investing in mutual funds and the stock market can be rewarding. Here’s a step-by-step guide to help you get started.

Understanding Mutual Funds
Mutual funds pool money from many investors. Professional managers invest this money in stocks, bonds, or other assets.

Benefits of Mutual Funds
Diversification: Reduces risk by spreading investments.

Professional Management: Experts manage your money.

Flexibility: Various types to suit different goals.

Steps to Invest in Mutual Funds
Define Your Goals: Know your financial goals and time frame.

Assess Risk Tolerance: Understand your risk capacity.

Choose the Right Fund: Based on your goals and risk tolerance.

KYC Compliance: Complete Know Your Customer (KYC) process.

Open an Account: With a mutual fund company or a certified financial planner.

Start SIP: Set up a Systematic Investment Plan (SIP) for regular investments.

Monitor and Review: Regularly check and adjust your portfolio.

Types of Mutual Funds
Equity Funds: Invest in stocks. Suitable for long-term goals.

Debt Funds: Invest in bonds. Suitable for short-term goals.

Hybrid Funds: Combine stocks and bonds. Balanced approach.

ELSS Funds: Equity Linked Savings Scheme. Offers tax benefits.

Understanding Stock Market Investments
Investing in stocks means buying shares of companies. You become a partial owner of the company.

Benefits of Stock Market Investments
High Returns: Potential for significant gains.

Ownership: You own a part of the company.

Liquidity: Easy to buy and sell shares.

Steps to Invest in the Stock Market
Educate Yourself: Learn about the stock market and how it works.

Open a Demat and Trading Account: With a brokerage firm.

Research Stocks: Study companies, their performance, and future prospects.

Start Small: Begin with a small investment to understand the process.

Diversify: Don’t put all your money in one stock.

Regular Monitoring: Keep track of your investments.

Stay Informed: Follow market news and trends.

Disadvantages of Direct Stocks Over Mutual Funds
High Risk: Individual stocks are more volatile and can lead to significant losses.

Time-Consuming: Requires constant research and monitoring.

Lack of Diversification: Investing in a few stocks doesn’t spread risk effectively.

Emotional Decisions: Investors may make impulsive decisions based on market swings.

Requires Expertise: Understanding the market and picking the right stocks needs knowledge.

Tips for Successful Investing
Long-Term Focus: Avoid short-term market fluctuations.

Consistent Investing: Regular investments yield better results.

Avoid Herd Mentality: Don’t follow the crowd blindly.

Stay Informed: Keep learning and adapting to market changes.

Seek Professional Advice: A certified financial planner can provide valuable guidance.

Final Insights
Investing in mutual funds and the stock market requires knowledge, discipline, and regular monitoring. By following these steps and staying informed, you can make sound investment decisions and achieve your financial goals.

Best Regards,

K. Ramalingam, MBA, CFP,

Chief Financial Planner,

www.holisticinvestment.in
DISCLAIMER: The content of this post by the expert is the personal view of the rediffGURU. Users are advised to pursue the information provided by the rediffGURU only as a source of information to be as a point of reference and to rely on their own judgement when making a decision.
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Ramalingam

Ramalingam Kalirajan  |7831 Answers  |Ask -

Mutual Funds, Financial Planning Expert - Answered on Jun 25, 2024

Asked by Anonymous - Jun 24, 2024Hindi
Money
Hello, i am 26 years old i earn 25k per month and i want investment guidance. I feel like stock market is not my thing because i am digital artist and i can't give time so i am planning to start my first mutual fund and my plan is long term investment minimum 10 years. Also what do you suggest me regarding stock market investment. Thank you
Ans: It's great to see you taking charge of your financial future at such a young age. Your decision to start investing for the long term is commendable. Let's dive into how you can effectively begin your investment journey with mutual funds and other options while considering your time constraints as a digital artist.

Understanding Your Financial Goals and Situation
Firstly, let's look at your current situation:

Age: 26 years old
Monthly Income: Rs 25,000
Investment Horizon: Minimum 10 years
Risk Appetite: Likely moderate, given your hesitation towards direct stock market investments due to time constraints.
Advantages of Mutual Funds for Long-Term Investment
Mutual funds are an excellent choice for those who cannot dedicate time to manage their investments actively. Here are some reasons why:

Professional Management: Mutual funds are managed by professional fund managers who make informed decisions on behalf of investors.
Diversification: Investing in mutual funds allows you to diversify your portfolio across different assets, reducing risk.
Liquidity: You can easily redeem your investments in mutual funds when needed.
Convenience: Systematic Investment Plans (SIPs) allow you to invest a fixed amount regularly, making it easier to budget.
Choosing the Right Mutual Funds
Since you are looking for long-term investments, you should focus on equity mutual funds, which generally offer higher returns over a long period. Here’s how you can approach it:

Equity Mutual Funds
Equity mutual funds invest primarily in stocks and have the potential to provide significant returns over the long term. Here’s why they are suitable for you:

Growth Potential: Equities tend to outperform other asset classes over the long term.
Compounding Benefits: Long-term investments in equity funds benefit from the power of compounding.
Actively Managed Funds vs Direct Funds
While index funds and ETFs are often suggested, actively managed funds might be better for you. Here’s why:

Active Management: Professional fund managers actively pick stocks to beat the market, aiming for higher returns.
Better Risk Management: Active funds can adjust their portfolios based on market conditions to mitigate risks.
Systematic Investment Plans (SIPs)
Starting an SIP is a smart way to invest regularly. Here’s why:

Rupee Cost Averaging: Investing a fixed amount regularly helps average out the purchase cost, reducing the impact of market volatility.
Disciplined Investment: SIPs ensure you invest regularly without worrying about market timing.
Affordability: You can start SIPs with small amounts, making it accessible.
Steps to Start Your Investment Journey
Assess Your Monthly Budget
Understand your monthly expenses and savings. Allocate a portion of your income for investments. Given your monthly income of Rs 25,000, start with what you are comfortable investing.

Set Up an Emergency Fund
Before investing, ensure you have an emergency fund. This should cover 6-12 months of your expenses, kept in a savings account or liquid fund for easy access.

Choose the Right Mutual Funds
Based on your long-term goals, select a mix of equity mutual funds. Consult a Certified Financial Planner (CFP) for personalized advice. Here are some fund types to consider:

Large-Cap Funds: Invest in large, stable companies. Suitable for moderate risk tolerance.
Mid-Cap Funds: Invest in mid-sized companies with higher growth potential but also higher risk.
Balanced Funds: A mix of equity and debt for a balanced risk-reward profile.
Stock Market Investments: An Overview
Although you mentioned that stock market investing might not be your thing, it's worth understanding the basics.

Direct Stock Investments
Investing directly in stocks requires time and effort to research and monitor your investments. It’s not advisable if you cannot dedicate the necessary time.

Why Mutual Funds Over Direct Stocks?
Professional Management: Fund managers make informed decisions, reducing the burden on you.
Diversification: Mutual funds spread risk across various assets.
Convenience: You do not need to track individual stocks actively.
Risk Management
Investing always involves risk, but you can manage it by:

Diversifying Investments: Spread your investments across different asset classes and sectors.
Regular Monitoring: Periodically review your portfolio and make adjustments as needed.
Staying Informed: Keep up with market trends and financial news to make informed decisions.
Tax Benefits
Investing in certain mutual funds can also offer tax benefits. For example:

Equity-Linked Savings Scheme (ELSS): These funds provide tax benefits under Section 80C of the Income Tax Act.
Regular Review and Rebalancing
Your financial goals and risk tolerance might change over time. Regularly review your portfolio and rebalance it to ensure it aligns with your goals.

How to Review Your Portfolio
Performance Analysis: Compare the performance of your investments against benchmarks.
Goal Alignment: Ensure your investments are on track to meet your financial goals.
Rebalancing: Adjust your portfolio to maintain the desired asset allocation.
The Role of a Certified Financial Planner (CFP)
A CFP can provide personalized guidance based on your financial situation and goals. Here’s how a CFP can help:

Comprehensive Financial Planning: Create a holistic financial plan considering all aspects of your finances.
Investment Strategy: Develop an investment strategy aligned with your risk tolerance and goals.
Ongoing Support: Provide ongoing support and advice to keep you on track.
Final Insights
Your proactive approach to investing at a young age is commendable. Here’s a summary of steps to set you on the right path:

Understand Your Budget: Know your monthly expenses and savings.
Set Up an Emergency Fund: Ensure you have 6-12 months of expenses saved.
Start SIPs: Begin with an affordable amount in equity mutual funds.
Diversify Investments: Choose a mix of large-cap, mid-cap, and balanced funds.
Consult a CFP: Get personalized advice and regular reviews.
By following these steps, you can build a strong financial foundation and achieve your long-term goals with confidence.

Best Regards,

K. Ramalingam, MBA, CFP,

Chief Financial Planner,

www.holisticinvestment.in

..Read more

Ramalingam

Ramalingam Kalirajan  |7831 Answers  |Ask -

Mutual Funds, Financial Planning Expert - Answered on Jul 27, 2024

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Hello . Pl. Give me good plan for investment. In mutual fund.
Ans: Understanding your financial goals is crucial. You need to determine your investment horizon, risk tolerance, and future financial needs.

Benefits of Mutual Fund SIPs
Rupee Cost Averaging: SIPs allow you to invest a fixed amount regularly. This reduces the impact of market volatility.

Discipline: Investing regularly instils financial discipline. It ensures consistent saving and investing.

Affordable: SIPs can start with small amounts. This makes them accessible for all investors.

Portfolio Diversification
Large-Cap Funds: These funds invest in well-established companies. They provide stability and moderate growth.

Mid-Cap Funds: Mid-cap funds invest in medium-sized companies. They offer higher growth potential with moderate risk.

Small-Cap Funds: These funds invest in smaller companies. They are high-risk but can offer high returns.

Aggressive Hybrid Funds: These funds balance equity and debt. They provide growth and reduce risk.

Avoid Index Funds
Actively Managed Funds: Actively managed funds can outperform index funds. Fund managers make strategic decisions to maximise returns.

Adaptive Strategy: Actively managed funds adapt to market changes. This flexibility can lead to better performance.

Consider Direct vs. Regular Funds
Disadvantages of Direct Funds:

Lack of Guidance: Direct funds do not provide expert advice. You may miss out on strategic insights.

Better Service: Investing through a Certified Financial Planner (CFP) ensures regular reviews and professional guidance.

Investment Strategy
1. Set Clear Goals:

Define your short-term and long-term financial goals.

Determine the amount needed and the timeline.

2. Start SIPs in Diversified Funds:

Allocate funds across large-cap, mid-cap, small-cap, and aggressive hybrid funds.

Ensure a balanced mix to optimise growth and manage risk.

3. Regular Review:

Review your portfolio every six months.

Adjust your investments based on performance and market conditions.

4. Emergency Fund:

Keep an emergency fund for unexpected expenses. This prevents dipping into your investments.
5. Tax Planning:

Invest in tax-saving mutual funds to reduce your tax liability.
Additional Strategies
Professional Guidance: Consult a Certified Financial Planner for personalised advice. They help tailor your investments to your financial goals.

Long-Term Perspective: Focus on long-term growth. Avoid making impulsive decisions based on short-term market fluctuations.

Discipline and Patience: Stick to your investment plan. Regular investing and patience are key to achieving your financial goals.

Final Insights
Investing in mutual funds through SIPs is a smart strategy. It provides disciplined investing, reduces risk, and ensures consistent growth. Diversify your portfolio across different fund categories and seek professional guidance for optimal results.

Best Regards,

K. Ramalingam, MBA, CFP

Chief Financial Planner,

www.holisticinvestment.in

..Read more

Latest Questions
Ramalingam

Ramalingam Kalirajan  |7831 Answers  |Ask -

Mutual Funds, Financial Planning Expert - Answered on Feb 05, 2025

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I am Lisha a kg teacher. I have debt of 40 lakhs. I have net income 25000. How can I manage to recover from debt? Please reply
Ans: Understanding the Debt Situation

You have a total debt of Rs. 40 lakhs.

Your net income is Rs. 25,000 per month.

Managing this situation requires planning, discipline, and action.

The key focus should be reducing high-interest loans first.

Increasing income is also necessary to speed up debt repayment.

Prioritising Debt Repayment

List all loans with their interest rates and EMI amounts.

Identify which loans have the highest interest rates.

Prioritise paying off the costliest loan first.

If you have multiple high-interest loans, consider debt consolidation.

Avoid taking new loans or using credit cards for daily expenses.

Reducing Monthly Interest Burden

Rs. 40 lakh debt with Rs. 25,000 income is a serious imbalance.

Your monthly interest burden alone can be unmanageable.

Speak with lenders and request lower interest rates.

Negotiate for an extended loan tenure to reduce EMI.

Avoid late payments to prevent penalties and additional charges.

Earning More Income

With Rs. 25,000 monthly income, repaying Rs. 40 lakh is tough.

Look for additional income sources, even part-time jobs.

Explore online tutoring, weekend coaching, or freelance work.

If possible, upskill to apply for a higher-paying job.

Can you take extra classes at school for additional earnings?

Find small home-based businesses like craft-making or baking.

Use any skills you have to create an extra income stream.

Cutting Down Expenses

Reduce unnecessary expenses wherever possible.

Limit non-essential spending like dining out, entertainment, and subscriptions.

Look for cheaper alternatives for daily expenses.

Create a strict monthly budget and track every expense.

Save on electricity, fuel, and shopping wherever possible.

Avoid personal luxuries until your financial situation improves.

Seeking Family Support

If possible, take help from family members.

Can they provide an interest-free loan for partial debt payment?

Even a small contribution can reduce your debt burden.

Family members may also help with daily expenses for some time.

Transparent communication with them is important.

Avoiding Traps of Loan Apps & Credit Cards

Avoid borrowing from mobile loan apps due to high interest.

Credit cards should not be used for cash withdrawals.

Paying only the minimum due on a credit card leads to more debt.

If you have credit card debt, clear it first due to high interest.

Stick to formal financial institutions for loans.

Exploring Debt Restructuring Options

If you have a bank loan, check if restructuring is possible.

Some banks allow restructuring in financial hardship cases.

This can reduce EMI or provide a temporary relief period.

Approach your lenders with a genuine repayment plan.

Avoid defaulting, as it can hurt your credit score.

Avoiding High-Risk Investments

Do not fall for quick-money schemes or gambling.

Avoid investments that promise unrealistically high returns.

Avoid stock market trading without proper knowledge.

Focus on steady income generation instead of risky bets.

Checking for Any Insurance Policies

If you have LIC, ULIP, or investment-linked insurance, review them.

If surrendering makes sense, reinvest the amount wisely.

Do not stop health insurance, as medical emergencies can worsen finances.

Creating a Step-by-Step Debt Repayment Plan

Pay the minimum due on all loans to avoid penalties.

Focus on repaying the highest-interest loan first.

Negotiate lower interest rates with lenders.

Increase income through side jobs.

Reduce unnecessary expenses to save money.

Explore options like debt consolidation if suitable.

Seek family support where possible.

Avoid new loans unless absolutely necessary.

Finally

Your financial situation is tough but not impossible to fix.

With discipline and effort, debt repayment is possible.

Every small step in saving and earning will help.

Avoid financial mistakes and stay committed to the plan.

With time, your financial situation will improve.

Best Regards,

K. Ramalingam, MBA, CFP

Chief Financial Planner

www.holisticinvestment.in
https://www.youtube.com/@HolisticInvestment

...Read more

Ramalingam

Ramalingam Kalirajan  |7831 Answers  |Ask -

Mutual Funds, Financial Planning Expert - Answered on Feb 05, 2025

Money
At the age of 35 I had 15 lakhs saving, but due a surgery at home I had to almost empty it, on top of it even I had gone through and surgery plus even my father too ( all three generations nero issue) from +15 I went to 25lakhs of debt From various apps and financial sector. I was able to settle few loans and credits but still my outstanding is approx 20 lakhs. My monthly income is 25000 and my only intrest per month is 12500 How do I get of it asap, as living a normal life seems magic.
Ans: Your financial situation is challenging, but not impossible to fix. With a structured approach, discipline, and patience, you can come out of this debt and regain financial stability. Below is a step-by-step guide to help you get back on track.

Understanding the Current Financial Situation
You had Rs. 15 lakhs in savings, but due to medical emergencies, your finances took a hit.

Now, you are left with Rs. 20 lakhs of debt, with an income of Rs. 25,000 per month.

Your monthly interest alone is Rs. 12,500, which is eating up 50% of your earnings.

The key priority should be reducing interest burden and increasing cash flow.

Steps to Reduce Your Debt Faster
1. Stop Borrowing More Money
Do not take new loans to pay old loans.

Avoid borrowing from friends or family unless it is interest-free and comes with no pressure.

Stay away from personal loans, credit card loans, and payday loans, as they have high interest rates.

2. Prioritise High-Interest Loans First
List down all your loans and interest rates.

Pay off loans with the highest interest rate first.

If possible, negotiate with lenders for lower interest rates.

3. Consolidate Loans for Lower Interest Rate
Check if a bank can give you a low-interest personal loan to clear high-cost debts.

If you have a good credit history, you may get a balance transfer facility on credit cards or personal loans.

Consider a secured loan against any assets, but only if the interest rate is much lower.

4. Increase Your Monthly EMI Payment
Paying only the minimum EMI will keep you stuck in debt for years.

Try increasing your EMI by even Rs. 2,000-3,000 per month to reduce the loan tenure.

Any extra income, bonus, or gift money should go towards clearing debt first.

Boosting Income to Tackle Debt
5. Explore Part-Time Work or Freelancing
A second source of income can help you clear your debt faster.

Consider freelancing, online tutoring, content writing, data entry, or delivery jobs.

If possible, take up overtime or extra shifts at work.

6. Use Your Skills to Earn More
Identify any skills that can help you earn extra money.

If you have a talent for repair work, photography, teaching, or writing, offer your services.

Even small extra earnings of Rs. 5,000-10,000 per month can speed up debt repayment.

7. Rent Out Assets for Passive Income
If you have an extra room, vehicle, or any asset, consider renting it.

This can bring in some cash flow without extra effort.

Cutting Expenses to Free Up More Cash
8. Reduce Non-Essential Spending
Track every rupee spent and eliminate unnecessary expenses.

Stop eating out, buying expensive clothes, or making impulsive purchases.

Switch to cheaper alternatives for groceries, transport, and entertainment.

9. Pause Investments Until Debt is Cleared
Right now, clearing debt should be the priority over investing.

Stop SIPs or investments temporarily and resume them once debts are under control.

Avoid risky investments like stocks or crypto, as losses can worsen your situation.

10. Negotiate Bills and Cut Fixed Costs
Talk to your landlord, service providers, and utility companies for possible discounts.

If possible, shift to a smaller house or a cheaper location to save on rent.

Reduce electricity, water, and mobile bills by using them wisely.

Managing Financial Stress and Mental Health
11. Accept the Situation Without Guilt
Medical emergencies are unpredictable, and you did what was needed for your family.

Do not feel guilty or blame yourself. Instead, focus on the solution.

12. Involve Your Family in Financial Planning
If you have a spouse, siblings, or parents who can help, discuss the situation with them.

They may not be able to give money, but they can support in other ways.

13. Stay Positive and Focused
Financial stress is tough, but worrying too much will not solve the problem.

Stay focused on taking action every month to improve your situation.

Celebrate small wins like closing one loan or saving an extra Rs. 1,000.

Long-Term Financial Stability
14. Build an Emergency Fund Once Debt is Cleared
After clearing debt, start saving at least Rs. 2,000 per month as an emergency fund.

This will help in handling future emergencies without taking loans.

15. Invest Smartly for Future Growth
Once financially stable, invest wisely in well-managed mutual funds for long-term wealth.

Avoid financial products with hidden charges like ULIPs or endowment plans.

16. Get Proper Health Insurance
Medical expenses caused the current debt. Invest in health insurance to prevent this in the future.

Look for affordable policies covering major illnesses.

Finally
The journey out of debt is difficult but achievable with the right approach.

Focus on reducing high-interest loans, earning more, and cutting unnecessary expenses.

Take small steps each month, and within a few years, you will be debt-free and financially stable.

Best Regards,

K. Ramalingam, MBA, CFP,

Chief Financial Planner,

www.holisticinvestment.in
https://www.youtube.com/@HolisticInvestment

...Read more

Kanchan

Kanchan Rai  |525 Answers  |Ask -

Relationships Expert, Mind Coach - Answered on Feb 04, 2025

Asked by Anonymous - Jan 27, 2025Hindi
Relationship
Unable to figure out what to do. Shouls i proceed for divorce? And if yes how? Here is my story: This is a long post. But i might have still missed few small instances in between. So I got married on October 3, 2022. Our conversation started through the Jeevansathi app, but the actual conversation began in July 2022 when her father contacted me. The first contact was from their side. At that time, I was returning to Chennai from Ongole by train when I received her father's call. He asked about my job and other details, to which I mentioned that I work for SBI in Tamil Nadu. After that, our conversation started. In the early days, the conversation was really good, and she spoke very well. Later, I visited their house with my mother. During the conversation there, she mentioned that many proposals had come before, but she hadn't been able to decide. One proposal was from a guy with a package of 30 lakh, but she clearly said that money doesn’t matter to her; she wanted a good person. During that meeting, I mentioned that I am a simple person, and my family consists of only my mother and me. I also clarified that due to my job, I could be transferred. After that meeting, we did the formal engagement. Later, we brought sweets from Haldiram, and that was when our engagement was officially recognized. After that, our conversations continued regularly. For a while, everything was fine, but then we started arguing over small things. Once, I told her that I meditate, and she said, "Meditation is something foolish people do, it doesn’t help." This led to an argument. I also mentioned that if we have children, we should send them to good universities like Harvard or Oxford, and this too led to an argument, as she felt we shouldn't put pressure on children to earn money. Then came the topic of money. I shared my salary slip and explained how both working and saving money are important because expenses are high. However, she said, "Saving money is foolish, everyone lives paycheck to paycheck nowadays." I tried to explain the importance of savings, but our discussions continued to be challenging. At one point, she said she wouldn’t wear sindoor or the mangalsutra. I told her that there was no need to wear it every day, just on special occasions. I agreed with this. As the arguments increased, I spoke to her father and mentioned that maybe she didn’t want to marry me. But her father reassured me that it wasn’t true, and they would talk to her. After that, things seemed normal for a while, but small arguments kept happening. In August 2022, I visited her again. I thought we could spend some time together and understand each other better. We went to Aerocity, where we had pizza and roamed around. After that, we went to Radisson Hotel on 27th July 2022, and our engagement was finalized. Over these two months, our communication continued, and eventually, on October 2, 2022, we had our engagement ceremony, and on October 3, 2022, we got married. After the wedding, we planned a honeymoon. Initially, she wanted to go to Vaishno Devi, so I took her there by Vande Bharat Express. Her uncle arranged VIP darshan. We walked up, but on the way back, her legs started hurting, so we rode a horse. After sitting on the horse for a long time, she had back pain. I reached the hotel, tried to soothe her pain by soaking her legs in hot water, and then we slept. After that, we planned to go to Udaipur. We took a SpiceJet flight there and booked a hotel near Fatehpur Sagar Lake. She wanted a lake-view room, but it wasn’t available. She argued with the staff, and we had to move to another hotel at night. The environment there wasn’t great, but she chose it. During our visit to Udaipur Fort, she suddenly said she wouldn’t go to the restaurant with me and would go home alone. I still don’t understand the reason behind this. From that point, my behavior towards her changed. After Udaipur, we planned to go to Agra. There, she suddenly accused me of having an affair with another girl and threatened to teach me a lesson. I asked her where this thought came from, but she didn’t answer. In July and August 2022, I visited her again. We traveled together and tried to understand each other better, but she never told me much about herself. After the wedding, I visited her during Diwali. She was happy initially, but gradually she became distant and stopped talking much. She wasn’t involved in decorating the house or participating in the Diwali puja. She remained absorbed in her own world, talking to her parents or I don’t know who else, while distancing herself from me. She needed reasons to fight, while I tried to stay calm, as it was a new marriage. On October 25, 2022, I returned to Chennai, and she came to Chennai a few days later. My mother also arrived in Chennai on October 26, and she stayed with us in Chennai until December. During this time, she started fighting over every little thing. She complained about who would do the housework and kept accusing me of not having enough money. She suggested hiring someone for cleaning, even though my mother and I managed it well. Then she refused to sleep with me, and we didn’t have any physical intimacy. Whenever she fought with me, she tried to belittle me. In January, she went back to Delhi, and I went to convince her to come back in January. During Lohri, I gave her a sari and gifts, but she still didn’t talk to me properly. She treated me very badly and didn’t want to stay with us. She fought with me several times and went back to her house. In February 2023, she came to Chennai again, but things were still not right between us. In April 2024, she came back to stay with me, but the very next day, the fights started again. She accused me of having an affair with another girl and threatened me. She destroyed things in the house, broke dishes and glasses, and created a mess. When I told her mother about this, she advised me to send her back. I booked her flight, and on April 7, 2024, she left. Since then, she has not been living with me. After that, I worked hard to bring her back. It was September when I managed to convince her to come. I tried to make her stay with me, but she stayed only for 4-5 days. On the 5th day, she started fighting again and decided to leave. She went to the railway station and sat there, saying, "I cannot live with you." We argued that night, and she left the house, shouting abuses at me and went back to her home. She thought everything would be fine, but when I tried talking to her, she started blaming me for not wanting her to stay with me.
Ans: It sounds like you've tried very hard to make this marriage work, but your wife has been emotionally distant, hostile, and unwilling to engage in a meaningful relationship. From what you’ve shared, there have been continuous conflicts, false accusations, and a lack of physical and emotional connection. It seems like she is not interested in making the relationship work, and her behavior—leaving multiple times, refusing intimacy, and fighting constantly—suggests deep incompatibility.

Before making a final decision, ask yourself: Is there anything left to salvage? Do you still love her and believe this marriage has hope if both of you genuinely try? Or do you feel exhausted and trapped in a cycle of disappointment and rejection? If you feel there is nothing left, then divorce may be the healthiest option for your peace of mind and future happiness.

If you decide to proceed with divorce, start by seeking legal counsel. In India, divorce can be mutual or contested. If she agrees, a mutual consent divorce is the easiest way. If she does not, you may need to file on grounds of cruelty or irretrievable breakdown of marriage. Gather evidence of her behavior—messages, incidents, and anything that proves your case.

This is not an easy decision, but your mental health and self-respect matter. If she is unwilling to change or make efforts, you should not have to live in constant conflict. Do you think she would agree to a mutual separation, or would she fight it?

...Read more

Kanchan

Kanchan Rai  |525 Answers  |Ask -

Relationships Expert, Mind Coach - Answered on Feb 04, 2025

Asked by Anonymous - Jan 29, 2025
Relationship
Hello Ma'am, I've a crush on a girl from my in laws. Inspite of avoiding etc I go specifically in that gathering where she's likely to be. I've not told it to anyone, neither does she know about it. I keep on masturbating imagining her. I know I'll never do any silly thing or let anyone know about it. Im married happily and 20 years elder to her.
Ans: It’s good that you are self-aware and acknowledging your feelings rather than acting on them impulsively. Having a crush, even in a committed relationship, is something that happens to many people—it’s human nature. However, since this involves someone from your in-laws and is significantly younger, it’s important to address these emotions in a way that aligns with your values and the commitments you’ve made to your marriage.

Right now, your mind is reinforcing this attraction by seeking out opportunities to be around her and fantasizing about her. The more you indulge in these thoughts, the stronger the emotional pull becomes. Avoiding her entirely may not be realistic, but reducing intentional exposure—such as seeking out gatherings just to be near her—can help weaken the attachment over time.

Instead of suppressing your feelings, redirect that energy into your marriage. What is it about her that attracts you? Is it youthfulness, attention, admiration, or just the thrill of something new? Whatever it is, find ways to bring those qualities into your relationship with your wife. Sometimes, an outside attraction is just a signal that something in your own life needs attention or excitement.

You’ve already made it clear to yourself that you won’t act on this, which shows maturity and self-control. The next step is breaking the mental cycle that feeds into the attraction. Engage in hobbies, meaningful conversations with your spouse, and self-reflection to understand what this infatuation represents. Over time, these feelings will lose their intensity as you shift your focus.

Do you think this crush is filling a certain emotional gap in your life, or is it purely an infatuation with no deeper meaning?

...Read more

DISCLAIMER: The content of this post by the expert is the personal view of the rediffGURU. Investment in securities market are subject to market risks. Read all the related document carefully before investing. The securities quoted are for illustration only and are not recommendatory. Users are advised to pursue the information provided by the rediffGURU only as a source of information and as a point of reference and to rely on their own judgement when making a decision. RediffGURUS is an intermediary as per India's Information Technology Act.

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