Home > Money > Question

Sign In | Create an account

Language:

Now in हिन्दी too

Need Expert Advice?Our Gurus Can Help

Omkeshwar Singh | Answer |Ask -Follow

Head, Rank MF - Answered on Sep 16, 2021

Mutual Fund Expert... more

Question by Selvam on Sep 16, 2021Hindi

Money

I am holding the following mutual funds. Request your view on this and suggestions on alternate funds.

Fund Name Investment per month Total value as of today % Return

Axis Bluechip Fund Rs 2,000 Rs 17,686 10.54%

Axis Long Term Equity Fund Rs 5,500 Rs 1,63,783 35.92%

Mirae Asset Emerging Bluechip Fund Rs 7,500 Rs 2,49,768 49.36%

Tata Equity PE Fund Rs 3,000 Rs 1,86,708 32.53%

AB SL India GenNext Fund Rs 4,000 Rs 3,83,484 49.22%

SBI Blue Chip Fund Rs 3,000 Rs 1,29,790 39.56%

Total: Rs 25,000

Ans: These are decent funds, please continue.

DISCLAIMER: The content of this post by the expert is the personal view of the rediffGURU. Users are advised to pursue the information provided by the rediffGURU only as a source of information to be as a point of reference and to rely on their own judgement when making a decision.

MoneyReply

You may like to see similar questions and answers below

Omkeshwar Singh | Answer |Ask -Follow

Head, Rank MF - Answered on Apr 22, 2022

Question by Manjunath - Apr 22, 2022Hindi

Money

Dear sir, I have following funds, kindly review: Company Price Mirae focussed cap fund 5000 ABSL flexi cap fund 5000 PGIM Flexi cap fund 5000 Axis Opprtunuties fund 5000 Quent Active fund 5000 PGIM small cap fund 5000 Nippon small cap fund 5000 Axis mid cap fund 5000 Mirae mid cap fund 5000

Ans: Please continue

Hardik Parikh | Answer |Ask -Follow

Tax, Mutual Fund Expert - Answered on May 11, 2023

Question by S - May 04, 2023Hindi

Money

I have the following mutual fund. Please suggest whether to hange to other fund or hold the sameName of fund Units Rate on Purchase Purchase Single investment 30.4.23 Rate Date SBI Focused Equity Fund Regular Growth 645 217.73 227 4.8.22 SBI Blue Chip Fund Regular Plan Growth 822 61.75 60.84 4.8.22 SBI Multicap Fund Regular plan Growth 34953 10.05 10.59 4.8.22 HDFC Tax Saver Direct Plan Growth Option 40000/- 9.3.20 HDFC Developed World Indexes FundOf Fund 50000/- 21.10.21 HDFC Equity Savings Fund Direct Plan Growth 70000/- 21.10.21 HDFC Nifty Next50Index Fund direct growth 50000/- 3.11.21

Ans: Hello,

I understand that you have invested in multiple mutual funds and are seeking advice on whether to hold or change your investments. As a financial advisor, I would like to offer you some guidance on this matter. Please note that my suggestions are based on general principles and not specific to your financial goals or risk tolerance.

SBI Focused Equity Fund Regular Growth: This fund primarily invests in a concentrated portfolio of equity and equity-related securities. As the name suggests, it is a focused fund with exposure to a limited number of stocks. If you're comfortable with the risk associated with concentrated portfolios and believe in the fund manager's stock-picking ability, you can continue to hold this fund.
SBI Blue Chip Fund Regular Plan Growth: This is a large-cap fund that invests in well-established companies. Large-cap funds typically offer stability and lower volatility compared to small and mid-cap funds. If you are looking for a relatively safer equity investment, you can hold on to this fund.
SBI Multicap Fund Regular plan Growth: Multicap funds invest across market capitalizations, providing diversification benefits. If you want to maintain a balanced exposure to various market segments, you may continue to hold this fund.
HDFC Tax Saver Direct Plan Growth Option: This is an Equity Linked Saving Scheme (ELSS) that offers tax benefits under Section 80C of the Income Tax Act. The lock-in period for ELSS funds is 3 years, and if you're looking for tax-saving investment options, you can consider holding this fund.
HDFC Developed World Indexes Fund of Fund: This fund provides international diversification by investing in developed market equities. If you want to diversify your portfolio beyond Indian equities, you can hold this fund.
HDFC Equity Savings Fund Direct Plan Growth: This fund invests in a mix of equity, debt, and arbitrage opportunities, making it suitable for investors with a moderate risk appetite. If you are looking for a balanced fund with a mix of asset classes, you can continue to hold this fund.
HDFC Nifty Next 50 Index Fund Direct Growth: This passive fund tracks the performance of the Nifty Next 50 index. If you are interested in low-cost index funds and believe in the potential of the next 50 large-cap companies, you can hold this fund.

In conclusion, your current mutual fund portfolio appears to be reasonably diversified across asset classes and investment styles. However, it is essential to periodically review the performance of each fund and align them with your financial goals and risk tolerance.

Please consult a financial advisor who can provide personalized advice based on your specific needs and circumstances.

Sanjeev Govila | Answer |Ask -Follow

Financial Planner - Answered on May 10, 2023

Question by Puneet - May 10, 2023Hindi

Money

Sir, I have following mutual Funds and I believe I have made many mistakes.. Need your advice as all are completing 12 months now. Canera robeco infrasturcfure fund Growth Regular - 5000/SIP - total value 70000 (with small lumpsum) Current Value 72236 - I am not sure whether to keep or not? UTI Flexicap - 5000 SIP with total value 65000 Current value 64500 - I am not sure whether to keep or not? Mirae asset large cap growth regular - 5000 SIP - total value 113000 (With small lumpsums) Current Value 115000 - I am not sure whether to keep or not? Axis focused 25 growth regular - 5000 SIP - total value 75000 (with small lumpsums) - Current Value 74700 - I am not sure whether to keep or not? Axis Bluechip growth regular - 5000 SIP TOtal Value 155000 - Current Value 155100 - I am not sure whether to keep or not? Kotak small Cap growth regular No SIP - I put in lumpsums during dips - total value 2 lakhs current value 202946 - I plan to keep it and eventually bring it to direct mode and continue investing - what's your opinion? SBI Contra Fund growth regular - NO SIP - I put in lumpsums during dips total value 166000 and current value 179780 - I plan to continue and bring it eventually to direct mode and continue investing. What is your opinion? SBI Contra fund - direct growth No SIP - I put in lumpsums during dips - total value 125000 current value 133000 - I plan to keep it and continue investing during dips and will eventually bring the 166000 from the regular mode also to the direct mode. What is your opinion? SBI Flexi CAP regular growth No SIP - I put in lumpsums during dips ) - Total value 1 lakh - current value - 103500 - I am not sure whether to continue investing in this one or not? Invesco India regular growth - 5000 SIP - total value - 40000 - current value - 40900 - I am not sure whether to continue or not? DSP Mid Cap regular growth - 5000 SIP - total value 40000 - current value 40200 - I am not sure whether to continue or not? HDFC Multicap Regular Growth - 5000 SIP - total value 50000 (with small lumpsum) - Current vlaue - 50260 - I might just continue with this one. What is your opinion? Parag Parikh Flexi cap regular growth No SIP - I put in money during dips - total value 2.7 lakh - current value - 2.93 Lakhs. I plan to continue investing lumpsums during dips and will eventually bring it in direct mode. What is your opinion? SBI Large and mid cap direct growth - 5000 SIP - total value approx 70000 - current value approx 74000. I might just continue with this one. What is your opinion? Quant ELSS direct growth No SIP - I put in money during dips. Total value approx 3 lakhs. Current value (haven't checked). I plan to continue putting lupmsums during dips. What is your opinion? Nippon India Small Cap direct growth No SIP - I put in money during dips. Total value approx 2.8 lakhs. Current Value (Haven't checked). I plan to continue putting lump sums during dips). What is your opinion? Kotak Bluechip Direct growth - No SIP. I put in money during dips. total value 2.35 lakhs. Current value approx 2.5 lakhs. I plan to continue putting lumpsums during dips. What is your opinion? As, I can see that there are too many funds and lots of overlapping also. Many funds have been at their historically low and some have been at the lowest ladder in rankings with continue bad performance. Thus, I need to reduce the number of funds and stop the bad ones and also to reduce the overlapping. It is not a goal based investment but simply an investment with no time horizon but I do not see myself touching them for the next 10 years. In fact, I plan to just keep putting in more so my approach can be seen as aggressive one and I would not mind going bullish on small caps and mid caps as the time horizon is long. Please advice me on how to proceed. Thanks

Ans: Puneet
You have 17 MFs and it is not possible for me to analyse and give recommendations on each one of them in the time available to me.

But from a cursory glance, I can surely say that there are too many of them. Too many of MFs neither give you diversification nor provide you safety or better returns. They only make monitoring difficult.

Since you are comfortable with an aggressive portfolio and have a long time horizon of 10 years, my advice to you is:-
• Straightaway cut down your number of funds to half – say 8. Use one of the rating websites to know which one is good and which not. Such websites are not the best way to select funds but, in your case, would work fine.
• The cutting down should be category-wise. Try not to have more than one fund per category. Rarely should you have two per category.
• If you only wish to have equity funds, then your total number of funds could be even lesser. Go in for Large Cap / Index Fund, Flexicap Fund, Large & Mid Cap Fund, Mid Cap Fund, Small Cap Fund, and maybe an Aggressive Hybrid or an Asset Allocator Fund. Try and take more funds with a value oriented approach than growth approach.
• One selected, do the same for SIPs and bulk amounts.
• Lastly, monitor your funds once in six months and rebalance if required.

Sanjeev Govila | Answer |Ask -Follow

Financial Planner - Answered on Jun 15, 2023

Question by Prakash - Jun 09, 2023Hindi

Money

Hello Sir, I am 38 years working professional. Below are my Mutual Funds list. 1. Axis Bluechip fund Direct Plan growth - 2000 / month 2. PGM mid cap opportunity Direct Plan growth - 2000 / month 3. SBI small cap fund Regular growth - 1000 / month 4. Axis nifty 50 Direct Plan growth - 2000 / month 5. ICICI next nifty 50 Direct Plan growth - 2000 / month 6. ICICI nasdaq index direct plan growth - 2000 / month 7. ICICI technology fund Regular plan growth - 1000 / month Kindly give your input on this. Shall I continue with this for long term or not?

Ans: According to the data you have given, it appears that you have a Rs. 12,000/- monthly systematic investment plan (SIP) distributed across seven different mutual funds. Generally speaking, if your entire investing amount is Rs. 10 lakhs, you should invest in 6-7 mutual funds. Over-diversification can result from having too many mutual funds in your portfolio.

Regarding the recommendation on the mutual funds in your portfolio, all of them are considered to be fundamentally strong with a good track record. Investments in pure equity funds are recommended for the long term, ideally for a period of 5-7 years.

On the other hand, certain categories such as Small Cap, Mid Cap, and Sectoral funds are recommended only if you have an investment horizon of more than 7 years.

It's worth noting that two of the funds in your portfolio, namely Axis Nifty 50 Direct Plan Growth and ICICI Nasdaq Index Direct Plan Growth, are recently launched funds. As a result, they do not have sufficient track record to accurately assess their risk and reward potential.
We hope that you have made your investments based on your short-term and long-term goals, taking into consideration your risk profile.

Disclaimer:
• I have just no idea about your age, future financial goals, your risk profile, other investments and whether you would have the nerves to not get unduly perturbed if stock markets go temporarily down.
• Hence, please note that I am answering your question in absolute isolation to other parameters which should definitely be considered when answering a question of this type.
• I recommend you to also consult a good financial advisor who would look at your complete profile in totality before you act on this advice given by me.

Latest Questions

Ramalingam Kalirajan |7367 Answers |Ask -Follow

Mutual Funds, Financial Planning Expert - Answered on Dec 28, 2024

Question by jitendra - Dec 28, 2024Hindi

Money

Requesting you, to help me, regarding midcap 150 etf of mirae asset midcap 150 etf for longterm through SIP

Ans: Let us review the suitability of investing in a mid-cap 150 ETF for the long term via SIP.

Understanding ETFs and Their Characteristics
Passive Management: Midcap ETFs replicate an index like the Nifty Midcap 150.

Cost Efficiency: They offer lower expense ratios compared to actively managed funds.

No Active Decision Making: They do not try to outperform the market but track the index.

Volatility Concerns: Midcap indices are more volatile than large-cap indices.

Returns Depend on Index: The ETF's performance mirrors the performance of its benchmark.

Disadvantages of Investing in Midcap ETFs
Lack of Active Management
Mid-cap stocks are highly volatile.

Active fund managers can adjust portfolios to limit risks during downturns.

ETFs lack this flexibility, as they strictly follow the index composition.

Limited Flexibility in Rebalancing
Market conditions often demand sector rotation or stock-specific decisions.

Actively managed funds adapt to such conditions, but ETFs cannot.

Tracking Errors
ETFs may not perfectly replicate the index due to tracking errors.

This can affect returns, especially over the long term.

Why Actively Managed Funds May Be Better
Fund Manager Expertise
Skilled managers can outperform the index by selecting high-growth stocks.

They can mitigate risks in falling markets through tactical decisions.

Flexibility in Stock Selection
Active funds are not limited to a predefined basket of stocks.

Managers can select fundamentally strong stocks beyond the index.

Potential for Higher Returns
Actively managed funds have historically outperformed midcap indices over long periods.

This makes them a better choice for wealth creation in the mid-cap segment.

Recommendations for Long-Term Mid-Cap Investments
Diversify: Include actively managed mid-cap funds instead of relying solely on an ETF.

Professional Guidance: Invest in regular plans via a Certified Financial Planner.

Monitor Performance: Review fund performance every 6–12 months.

Manage Risk: Avoid overexposure to mid-cap investments due to their volatility.

Final Insights
While Mirae Asset Midcap 150 ETF is a low-cost option, it has limitations.

Active mid-cap funds can better navigate market volatility.

They provide the flexibility and expertise required for wealth creation.

For long-term SIPs, consider balanced exposure to actively managed funds. This ensures both growth and risk management over time.

Best Regards,

K. Ramalingam, MBA, CFP,

Chief Financial Planner,

www.holisticinvestment.in
https://www.youtube.com/@HolisticInvestment

Ramalingam Kalirajan |7367 Answers |Ask -Follow

Mutual Funds, Financial Planning Expert - Answered on Dec 28, 2024

Question by Purushotham - Dec 28, 2024Hindi

Money

Dear sir, I am 50 years old and working in private sector MNC 1.5 Lakhs on hand. My job security is very less. I have two kids aged 18, 14 years old. My wife is housewife. I have 80L in Mutual funds and 20L in stocks, Bank deposits 40L. I am investing in SIP in below Mutual funds all direct growth around 57000 pm. CR Bule chip fund, MA Large and Midcap, HDFC smallcap each 5000 pm (15000) step up 2000 every 6months. Invesco Infra, JM Value fund, Nippon India Multicap, Small cap, Parag parekh Flexi cap, Quant Small cap, Mid cap each 6000 pm (42000), all these SIPs started recently from June 2024. Some Lumpsum in Axis smallcap 6L, Bandan core Equity 3L, CR Smallcap 8L, DSP smallcap 4L,HSBC Flexicap 3.5, HSBC Smallcap 3L, ICICI Pru Infra 3.5L, Value discovery 3L, Invesco Large & Midcap 2L, JM Flexicap 1L, Motilal Oswal Midcap 8L, SBI Bluechip 7L, Infrastructure 2L, Sundaram Smallcap 3L My expenses per month are 1.2 Lakh. I don't have loans/EMIs. Please advice me for my retirement life which need at least 1.5L per month, my kids education expenses, and also advice to my Portfolio. Thanks and regards, Yours sincerely, Purushotham Thati

Ans: Your current portfolio and investment habits show a good start. Let us evaluate your financial standing, address your goals, and provide suggestions for optimisation.

Assessment of Your Current Financial Position
Income and Expenses: You have a monthly income of Rs. 1.5 lakh and expenses of Rs. 1.2 lakh. This leaves a surplus of Rs. 30,000 per month.

Investment Corpus: Your existing corpus includes Rs. 80 lakh in mutual funds, Rs. 20 lakh in stocks, and Rs. 40 lakh in bank deposits.

SIP Contributions: You are investing Rs. 57,000 monthly across multiple mutual funds.

Lump Sum Investments: You have allocated significant lump sums to small-cap, flexi-cap, and thematic funds.

Goals: Your goals include securing Rs. 1.5 lakh monthly for retirement and funding your children's education.

Planning for Retirement
Corpus Required
You aim for Rs. 1.5 lakh per month during retirement.

Factor in inflation to estimate future monthly expenses.

The current corpus and SIPs must grow consistently to meet this goal.

Recommendations
Maintain a balanced allocation between equity and debt for steady growth.

Avoid excessive concentration in small-cap and thematic funds, which are volatile.

Increase exposure to balanced and flexi-cap funds for stability.

Planning for Children’s Education
Current Needs
Your children are aged 18 and 14, which implies upcoming higher education expenses.

Plan for expenses within the next 4–8 years.

Recommendations
Create a dedicated education fund for both children.

Use debt-oriented hybrid funds or short-term debt funds for near-term goals.

Ensure part of your mutual fund corpus is earmarked for this purpose.

Portfolio Review and Suggestions
Strengths of the Portfolio
Disciplined SIP Investments: Investing Rs. 57,000 monthly shows financial discipline.

Diversification: Exposure to various categories like large-cap, mid-cap, small-cap, and thematic funds.

Areas for Improvement
Excessive Small-Cap Allocation: High exposure to small-cap funds increases volatility.

Thematic Fund Overlap: Thematic funds like infrastructure may lead to concentration risks.

Direct Fund Investments: Direct funds lack professional guidance and ongoing monitoring.

Portfolio Optimisation
Consolidate funds to reduce over-diversification and improve focus.

Shift some SIPs to balanced advantage or hybrid funds for stability.

Review and replace underperforming funds periodically.

Invest through a Certified Financial Planner to benefit from professional advice.

Optimising Lumpsum Investments
Review the performance of your lump sum investments.

Redeploy underperforming small-cap and thematic funds into balanced funds.

Keep a portion of your bank deposits in liquid funds for emergencies.

Avoid high allocations to sectoral or cyclical funds due to their dependency on market conditions.

Tax Planning
Long-term capital gains on equity mutual funds above Rs. 1.25 lakh are taxed at 12.5%.

Short-term capital gains on equity funds are taxed at 20%.

Debt mutual funds are taxed as per your income tax slab.

Plan redemptions considering these rules to minimise tax liabilities.

Emergency Fund Allocation
Maintain at least 6–12 months of expenses in liquid funds or fixed deposits.

This ensures financial security given your low job security.

Allocate Rs. 15–20 lakh from your bank deposits for this purpose.

Recommendations for SIPs
Reduce exposure to small-cap and thematic funds.

Increase allocation to large-cap and multi-cap funds for stability.

Consider balanced advantage funds to manage market volatility.

Step-up SIPs only after assessing fund performance.

Final Insights
Your financial foundation is strong, but optimisation is essential.

Prioritise stability and diversification in your portfolio.

Allocate funds separately for retirement and children’s education.

Maintain a robust emergency fund to handle uncertainties.

Seek professional advice to streamline and monitor your investments.

Consistent review and disciplined investing will help you achieve financial independence and secure your family’s future.

Best Regards,

K. Ramalingam, MBA, CFP,

Chief Financial Planner,

www.holisticinvestment.in
https://www.youtube.com/@HolisticInvestment

Milind Vadjikar |807 Answers |Ask -Follow

Insurance, Stocks, MF, PF Expert - Answered on Dec 28, 2024

Asked by Anonymous - Dec 28, 2024Hindi

Money

Retiremen advice I am 50 yrs old single with recurring and chronic health issues. I would like to retire and I have 2 crore in FD 1 crore in stock and mutual funds I also own a home and a flat both are free of debt. Please advice me to restructure my assets and have a peaceful retirement. My tax consultant told me I can get up to 3 lakhs per month with 3 cr invested in stocks and mutual funds How realistic is it possible and how to montage the downside risks associated with it. I had been a victim of Franklin Templeton debt funds during covid and I do not trust Mutual funds houses or its manages as before.

Ans: Hello;

It is impossible to get 3 L per month with 3 Cr corpus in mutual funds, unless you are ready to deplete the corpus completely over 10-12 years.

Since you were impacted with Franklin Templeton debt funds issue earlier, I recommend you to buy an immediate annuity from a life insurance company for a sum of 2.8 Cr.

You may chose annuity for life with return of purchase price to your nominee.

It may yield you a post tax monthly income of around 1.1 L+.

After fulfilling your regular expenses you may begin a monthly sip of 10-15 K in any equity fund.

The corpus that this investment will generate over 10-15 years may be used to top-up annuity and hence monthly payouts to account for rise in the inflation.

You may keep balance 20 L corpus in savings account as emergency fund.

Although the Franklin Templeton debt fund issue was difficult for the unitholders of those funds, the alacrity and surgical precision with which SEBI handled that issue and ensured all investors get their money back was commendable.

We cannot control human behaviour but we have extremely robust system of checks and balances in regulation of our MF industry to safeguard investor interests at all costs even if some negative event occurs.

Seek help from a mutual fund distributor or an investment advisor for help, if required.

Best wishes;
X: @mars_invest

T S Khurana |266 Answers |Ask -Follow

Tax Expert - Answered on Dec 28, 2024

Asked by Anonymous - Dec 27, 2024Hindi

Money

Hello Sir My father in law wants to transfer his owned residential property to my wife's name. Apart from will what are the other ways through which he can transfer? And what would be the taxation component?

Ans: Besides Gift, he can transfer his property to his daughter, through transfer/sale deed. In many states like Punjab, property can be transferred within family, without payment of any Registration fee.
Income Tax is not involved in such transactions.
Most welcome for any further clarifications. Thanks.

Mayank Chandel |1954 Answers |Ask -Follow

IIT-JEE, NEET-UG, SAT, CLAT, CA, CS Exam Expert - Answered on Dec 28, 2024

Asked by Anonymous - Dec 02, 2024Hindi

Career

I am a PCMB student .My neet score in my first attempt was 525 . I am preparing for my second attempt but am not sure if i want to pursue medicine or not. I am interested in science but equally interested in both the streams ( med & non med).

Ans: Hi
For now, you keep a complete focus on NEET. Let the second attempt result come, then we will discuss all the avenues available for you.

Mayank Chandel |1954 Answers |Ask -Follow

IIT-JEE, NEET-UG, SAT, CLAT, CA, CS Exam Expert - Answered on Dec 28, 2024

Question by Y - Dec 27, 2024Hindi

Career

Dear Sir, I filled candidate name as (name-fathername-surname) in JEE main application. 10th marksheet it is name-surname. Is it create any problem during Josaa councelling? Same name affidavit is ok to resolved query during Josaa councelling?

Ans: Hi
There should not be any issue. If they ask for an explanation during counselling, you may be required to submit an affidavit.
Because in CBSE Student's Name & Surname are printed. While in State board NAME FATHER NAME SURNAME is printed.

Mayank Chandel |1954 Answers |Ask -Follow

IIT-JEE, NEET-UG, SAT, CLAT, CA, CS Exam Expert - Answered on Dec 28, 2024

Question by Balaraju - Dec 22, 2024Hindi

Career

My daughter is preparing for jee mains, kcet also she is in class 12 Can she write NDA along with this? But she has -3.0D eyesight

Ans: Hi Balaraju
For NDA, the distant vision (corrected) should be 6/6 in the better and 6/9 in the worse. Myopia should not exceed 2.5 D, while Hypermetropia should not exceed 3.5 D, including Astigmatism. Binocular vision should be Grade III

Mayank Chandel |1954 Answers |Ask -Follow

IIT-JEE, NEET-UG, SAT, CLAT, CA, CS Exam Expert - Answered on Dec 28, 2024

Asked by Anonymous - Dec 27, 2024Hindi

Career

Meri 12th 2021 main home science subjects se hui thi mtlb ki mere pas 12th main physics chemistry biology nhi tha but currently my question is ki main NIOS se physics chemistry biology science subjects se pass hu kya main NEET exam de skti hu pls mere questions ka answer dijiye ????

Ans: Hi
Yes you can appear NEET

Anu Krishna |1414 Answers |Ask -Follow

Relationships Expert, Mind Coach - Answered on Dec 28, 2024

Asked by Anonymous - Dec 27, 2024Hindi

Relationship

I live in a joint family with my brother and parents. I’ve been having a hard time managing my relationship with my bhabhi (sister-in-law). We live in the same house, and things have been tense lately. I’ve always tried to be polite and respectful, but there are constant little misunderstandings between us, and it’s starting to affect my peace of mind. We both want to keep things cordial for the family’s sake, but it feels like there’s always some tension whenever we interact. The problem is, I tend to get defensive whenever she says something I don’t agree with, and I know it’s only making things worse. I’m also trying to stay calm in front of everyone, but it’s hard not to let these small issues build up in my head. I really don’t want to keep feeling frustrated, but I don’t know how to change my approach. I love my brother and I want to improve the atmosphere at home and make sure I’m not letting these things affect me so much. Please help.

Ans: Dear Anonymous,
Joint family systems are filled with adventure and these things that you have brought up are part of that adventure.
Take things as they come and make sure you train yourself not to react...is this possible? YES, it is!
Let's say your Bhabhi accuses you of something, maybe your first reaction is to get defensive and explain or argue. Instead, what if you trained yourself to say: Okay, she's again accusing me of something; let's see what is the new thing that she has invented and let me have fun by simply listening.

This will ensure that your part of adventure gets playful and it will also enable you to respond rather than react. Now, does this happen overnight? NO, it requires a lot of mind training but start somewhere to get to someplace different.

All the best!
Anu Krishna
Mind Coach|NLP Trainer|Author
Drop in: www.unfear.io
Reach me: Facebook: anukrish07/ AND LinkedIn: anukrishna-joyofserving/

Anu Krishna |1414 Answers |Ask -Follow

Relationships Expert, Mind Coach - Answered on Dec 28, 2024

Question by LoneKnight - Dec 26, 2024Hindi

Relationship

Hi, I Am 26(M). I had an arranged marriage, my wife had a pre-marital affair which continued even after our engagement and for 9 months of marriage. According to my wife, she met him once and he wanted to have sex but my wife didn't do it. (The used to chat on Instagram). I found out today after 2 years of marriage. And we just had a baby. My wife asked me to use Instagram after we got engaged, but I refused because I was afraid it would have a bad effect on her. I don't even use it cause I know what can go wrong. When I caught her red-handed and saw the man's chats, I took her phone. And then I had read a little chat, then my wife came to me and said that she had to call our maid. I gave her the phone and she not only spoke on the phone but also deleted the chats with the guy. My eyes were closed when she spoke to maid on the phone. Cause I was so tired. Then I asked my wife to talk to him in front of me because I wanted to teach him a lesson and find his fiancée and tell her the truth. I'm very loyal to my wife. And she was my world. I've never had a girlfriend. I am open minded and I had asked my wife before the engagement, after the engagement on the phone and even after the marriage that if she had a past, I will accept it. My wife messaged him and he asked her talk on video call. The guy also knows that we have just had a baby who is not even 1 month old. I turned on the screen recording of the video call and gave it to my wife. In that screen recording, my wife texted the guy and told him to talk carefully cause I was sitting in front of her and then deleted the message with option of 'delete for you' on Instagram. This is how my wife cheated on me 2 times even after being caught. She told me that she loved me later on. And she took great care of me. She brought me out of depression. She did everything and I also loved her with all my heart and did everything for her. Right now she is saying I forgive her and she wants to live with me like before. She apologized a ton as well. But I don't know what to do at the moment. After so many lies, I can't trust her easily. She has a habit of lying in small things as well. I want to live with her, she was my support, my mother is not even there. when I was 12 years old... Now what do I do? Please kindly guide me!

Ans: Dear LoneKnight,
Yes, you feel like your trust has been broken. Is it easy to build back that trust? Yes and No...Yes, if you wish to...No, if you don't wish to...
If you go back in time and play the same story about how you wife was on Instagram and how she 'cheated' on you, there is no way that you can put your marriage back together.
How are you open-minded when an Instagram account causes you to fear what will happen? I can understand that you are a person with no past girlfriends but people do come with a past. Now, your wife could have shared her past with you, but most women seem to not want to for fear of reaction from the men like you have now. I can see that all this has hurt you, but if you want this marriage to work, you are going to have to drop all the past baggage, yours and your wife's and start afresh. Which means taking things for what it is NOW at face value without doubting it.
Can you do that? My suggestion would be: make an honest attempt at it. But warn yourself against going back in to the past otherwise there will be more mud throwing and no solution in sight.
Start new, Start afresh...

All the best!
Anu Krishna
Mind Coach|NLP Trainer|Author
Drop in: www.unfear.io
Reach me: Facebook: anukrish07/ AND LinkedIn: anukrishna-joyofserving/

Asked on - Dec 28, 2024 | Answered on Dec 28, 2024

Thanks You Very Much Ma'am For Your Answer. The Reason For Not Using Instagram Was Cause I Didn't Wanted To Look At Any Other Women Instead Of Her. My Intentions Were Pure. Also I Didn't wanted a thing which can spark of cheating so there will be no fire. I am open minded I told her I will accept it. Problem is that affair continued even after engagement and marriage (till 9 months of marriage) But today's condition is that i think she has lost interest. We have tradition inwhich wife goes to their home and stay for 2-3 months. Her mother has been so influential from beginning so am telling her to comeback. She is not ready to comeback even when I am sick. I told her to come back for at least 4-5 days so we can talk. I am afraid she will mindwash her. And I can see that. I have given the best possible time yet she is complaining that I don't give time. When I told her to come back she overeated that she will never go there and that. She wasn't like this. She was with me in my everything. I am so confused. I have forgiven & forgotten everything about the past still... What do you suggest ma'am???

Ans: Dear LoneKnight,
I have already made my suggestions in the initial response. Start afresh and wipe the slate clean. Rebuilding trust cannot happen overnight, so give the marriage a fair GO.
What you have shared again are problems and when you stay in that Zone, you will only be able to focus on problems. When there is an intention to solve the issue, the prerequisite is to move away from all the things that have gone wrong/bad and all the things that you think will go wrong/bad. That's the only way to solve problems. So my suggestions are still the same.

All the best!
Anu Krishna
Mind Coach|NLP Trainer|Author
Drop in: www.unfear.io
Reach me: Facebook: anukrish07/ AND LinkedIn: anukrishna-joyofserving/

See more questions »

DISCLAIMER: The content of this post by the expert is the personal view of the rediffGURU. Investment in securities market are subject to market risks. Read all the related document carefully before investing. The securities quoted are for illustration only and are not recommendatory. Users are advised to pursue the information provided by the rediffGURU only as a source of information and as a point of reference and to rely on their own judgement when making a decision. RediffGURUS is an intermediary as per India's Information Technology Act.

Video Reply
Audio Reply

WhatsApp
Facebook
Twitter
Copy link

Delete

Close

Dear User, You have not registered yet. Please register by filling the fields below to get expert answers from our Gurus

Sign up

email

uname

mobile no

Country Code

Mobile number

By signing up, you agree to our
Terms & Conditions and Privacy Policy

Already have an account?

LOGIN

x