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Samraat

Samraat Jadhav  |2514 Answers  |Ask -

Stock Market Expert - Answered on May 19, 2025

Samraat Jadhav is the founder of Prosperity Wealth Adviser.
He is a SEBI-registered investment and research analyst and has over 18 years of experience in managing high-end portfolios.
A management graduate from XLRI-Jamshedpur, Jadhav specialises in portfolio management, investment banking, financial planning, derivatives, equities and capital markets.... more
Asked by Anonymous - May 17, 2025
Money

Hello Sir, I am working in IT MNC. Details- I have 2 home loans. Outstanding 44.5L (50k EMI)& 12L (10k EMI) 1 loan against FD 4.5L ( 3.5K monthly interest Repay) 1 personal loan 3L (14.5K EMI) Credit Card -70k Monthly income- Salary-95K after deduction ( 18 LPA) House Rent-7k Investment- PF-11L (with active Investment 12K per month) Shares-4.5L( with active investment 10k per month) NPS- 1.5L value till date ( 2.5k monthly investment ) LIC- 25k yearly (since 2018) APY- (Since 2015) Need your valuable advice on how I can reduce the liabilities and create assets.

Ans: You're handling a complex financial situation, balancing multiple loans while actively investing. The key here is optimizing debt repayment while ensuring asset growth. Here’s a structured approach:
Step 1: Prioritize Loan Repayments
- High-Interest Debt First – Your personal loan (?3L at ?14.5K EMI) and credit card (?70K) likely carry the highest interest rates. Aim to clear these fast.
- Use surplus savings to repay the credit card first.
- Consider a personal loan balance transfer to a lower interest rate provider if feasible.
- Fixed Deposit Loan (?4.5L) – You're paying ?3.5K monthly just in interest, which adds up quickly.
- If you don’t urgently need this liquidity, repaying this loan should be a priority.


Step 2: Optimize Home Loan Repayments
Your home loans (?44.5L & ?12L) have EMIs of ?60K total, but they are long-term and likely at reasonable interest rates.
- Consider making small principal prepayments (?5K-?10K extra per month) on the bigger loan. Even modest prepayments can reduce the interest burden over time.

Step 3: Improve Cash Flow
- House Rent (?7K) – If feasible, consider subletting space or exploring alternative income streams.
- PF & NPS Investments – These are great long-term assets, but if cash flow becomes tight, reducing voluntary PF investment temporarily to ?6K (instead of ?12K) could help.

Step 4: Asset Creation Strategy
- Share Market Investments – Your ?4.5L portfolio with ?10K monthly investment is solid.
- Focus on dividend-paying stocks to generate passive income.
- If markets are volatile, consider SIP in blue-chip funds to reduce risk.
- Real Estate Appreciation – Your home property itself is an asset. Ensure rent or price appreciation aligns with market trends.
- LIC & APY – These provide long-term benefits. Ensure LIC is aligned with your financial goals rather than just traditional savings.

Step 5: Emergency Buffer
Given your existing liabilities, a small emergency fund (?1.5L-?2L) in liquid assets (FD or high-interest savings account) can provide stability.
DISCLAIMER: The content of this post by the expert is the personal view of the rediffGURU. Users are advised to pursue the information provided by the rediffGURU only as a source of information to be as a point of reference and to rely on their own judgement when making a decision.
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Ramalingam

Ramalingam Kalirajan  |10902 Answers  |Ask -

Mutual Funds, Financial Planning Expert - Answered on Jun 20, 2025

Asked by Anonymous - Jun 05, 2025Hindi
Money
I am 32 years old with monthly income of 80,000. I have a home loan of 23 lakhs with EMI 24,000. I have another loan for a commercial property of 33 lakhs with EMI 31,000. Along with it, I have a gold loan of 5 lakhs. Also, I am in a rented place where rent is 18,000. Currently, I am only paying EMIs and my spouse pays for household expenses. I only have 1 lakh rupees in FD. I request your help in further planning to reduce debt or increase investments.
Ans: You are 32 years old with stable income.
You are managing high loan EMIs regularly.
This shows good discipline and financial responsibility.

But right now, your cash flow is tight.
Debt is eating most of your income.
There is no space for savings or investment.
This needs immediate planning and careful correction.

Let us look at your financial situation in detail.
Then we will create a practical action plan.

Income and Loan Outflow Analysis
Your monthly income: Rs.80,000

Home loan EMI: Rs.24,000

Commercial loan EMI: Rs.31,000

Gold loan EMI: Not mentioned, but assumed EMI for Rs.5 lakh loan

House rent: Rs.18,000

Household expenses: Paid by your spouse

Savings: Rs.1 lakh in fixed deposit

From this, we can assess:

Loan EMIs alone are Rs.55,000 or more

Rent is Rs.18,000

Total fixed outgo is Rs.73,000+

Remaining cash flow is just Rs.7,000 or less

That means you are under financial pressure.
You cannot invest or save regularly.
That also increases financial stress.

Let us fix this situation step-by-step.

Step 1: Understand Loan Type and Value
You have three loans currently:

Home loan: Rs.23 lakhs

Commercial property loan: Rs.33 lakhs

Gold loan: Rs.5 lakhs

Gold loan usually has short tenure.
Its interest is also higher.
Commercial loan may not give tax benefit like home loan.
So this structure needs change.

You are paying nearly 70% of your income to EMIs.
This is too high.
Safe EMI-to-income ratio is 40%.
So reduction of debt is the top priority.

Step 2: Emergency Fund Creation
You have Rs.1 lakh in FD.
That is not enough as emergency fund.
You must build 4 to 6 months of EMI buffer.

That means Rs.2.5 lakhs minimum in emergency fund.
Emergency fund gives safety.
It avoids more loans in case of job loss or crisis.

Ways to increase emergency fund:

Use bonuses or incentives

Temporarily reduce other spends

Save tax refunds or gifts

Pause non-essential spending

Keep this fund in a liquid instrument.
Do not break it unless emergency comes.

Step 3: Evaluate Gold Loan for Fast Closure
Gold loan has higher interest.
It may be around 10% to 14% per annum.
Also, gold is a family asset.
It should not be under debt for long.

Steps to reduce gold loan:

Stop luxury spends till gold loan is cleared

Use future bonus to prepay

Explore restructuring with lower EMI

Use idle savings of spouse, if possible

Clearing gold loan will reduce mental pressure.
And give you small extra savings monthly.

Step 4: Commercial Loan Needs Rethink
Commercial property is not for self-use.
Rental income from it (if any) is not mentioned.
If it’s not generating income, it is a big burden.

You are also staying in a rented house.
But paying EMI for two loans.

This is not an efficient use of cash flow.

Suggestions:

If commercial property is not earning rent, consider selling it

Or explore loan transfer to lower interest

Can also check partial repayment options

If value is high, prepay part and reduce EMI

Taking action here will ease your monthly stress.
You can then free cash for other goals.

Step 5: Use Structured Budget to Create Surplus
Your income is fixed, but you can cut expenses.
Every rupee saved is future wealth.
You need monthly surplus of at least Rs.5,000.

Ideas to cut cost:

Reduce eating out, vacations, impulse spends

Share ride to office, cut fuel bills

Switch to cheaper data plans and subscriptions

Buy in bulk for groceries

Track all spends for 3 months.
You’ll find many small savings.
Together they will create a surplus.

Step 6: Insurance and Risk Coverage
If you are repaying loans, then insurance is important.
You must protect your family from loan burden.

Check these points:

Do you have a term insurance of Rs.50 lakhs or more?

Does your spouse have life cover too?

Do you have health insurance outside employer policy?

If not, get a term plan now.
Not ULIP or endowment policy.
Only pure term insurance with low premium.

Health cover should be Rs.5 lakhs minimum.
Don’t rely only on company plan.
Medical bills can ruin your budget.

Step 7: Investment Plan After Debt Control
You are not able to invest now.
But once gold loan is closed and surplus is built, start SIP.

Start small with Rs.2000 SIP.
Later, increase step-by-step.

SIP must be in actively managed regular funds.
Avoid direct funds unless supported by a Certified Financial Planner.
Direct plans give no human guidance.
No help during market crash or recovery.
This causes panic and wrong exits.

Regular plans with a CFP give:

Behavioural guidance

Portfolio review

Fund switch advice

Tax-efficient withdrawal strategy

Also avoid index funds now.
Index funds just copy index.
They cannot beat market.
They fall when market falls.
And give no protection during crisis.

Instead, active funds are better:

Fund manager makes timely decisions

Better sector rotation

Better recovery in falling market

Potential to beat index return

So once your EMI load reduces, focus on regular active fund SIP.
Start small but stay consistent.

Step 8: Long-Term Goals Planning
You are just 32 now.
Your retirement is far, but you must plan today.

List out future goals:

Children’s education

Spouse’s financial freedom

Emergency reserve

Retirement at 55 or 60

Once your debt burden is low, make separate investments for each goal.
Use SIP and lump sum together when possible.

Also review your loans and investments once every year.
Do this with a Certified Financial Planner.
It brings professional discipline and clarity.

Finally
You are managing your debt well with discipline.
But your cash flow is fully locked in EMIs.
There is no breathing room for growth or emergencies.

This is a risk to your long-term goals.
So your focus should be on reducing loan pressure first.

Take below actions in order:

Build emergency fund of Rs.2.5 lakhs

Repay gold loan within 6 months

Explore options for commercial loan (sell, refinance, reduce EMI)

Take term insurance and medical cover

Start SIP after freeing up at least Rs.5,000 monthly

Avoid direct funds, index funds, ULIPs, and real estate as investment

With a clear roadmap and yearly review, you can grow steadily.
Slow and structured steps will build financial strength.
Your current situation is tough, but fixable.

With a Certified Financial Planner, you will stay on track.
That guidance is the most powerful support for your journey.

Best Regards,
K. Ramalingam, MBA, CFP,
Chief Financial Planner,
www.holisticinvestment.in
https://www.youtube.com/@HolisticInvestment

..Read more

Ramalingam

Ramalingam Kalirajan  |10902 Answers  |Ask -

Mutual Funds, Financial Planning Expert - Answered on Jun 19, 2025

Asked by Anonymous - Jun 19, 2025
Money
I am 42 yrs old, salaried with take home salary of 2.57 lacs and PF/ NPS contribution of 45k per month. Wife is working with inhand salary of 1 lacs and PF/NPS contribution of 45k. Total savings in PF/NPS is 83 lacs. I have 1 home loan of 1.32 cr with monthly emi of 60k.( Staff loan simple interest @6%) 1st OD facility of 24 lacs @ interest rate of 14%, monthly interest is 28k 2nd OD facility of 10 lacs @ interest rate of 10.5% monthly interest of 10k 1 personal loan of 30 lacs @interest rate of 10.9%, emi of 65k. Alart from NPS/PF of 83 lacs, i have equity portfolio of 1.55 cr. 2 houses, 1bhk value 85 lacs loan free 2.5bhk value of 1.8 crs, for which loan as mentioned above. My monthly expenses are largely around 50k. Request help with financial freedom planning and how to go abt paying off debt and investment in equity/mfs
Ans: You are 42, salaried, with a strong income base. Your family has two earners, a high level of PF/NPS corpus, good real estate assets, and a robust equity portfolio. But there is also a significant debt burden. Let us now take a comprehensive look at your financial life and suggest a clear path towards financial freedom.

Your Current Financial Landscape
Combined Monthly Income (In-hand): Rs 3.57 lacs (You: Rs 2.57 lacs + Spouse: Rs 1 lac)

Monthly Mandatory Deductions: Rs 90k (Both contributing Rs 45k to PF/NPS)

Monthly Household Expenses: Rs 50k (Very efficient)

Total PF/NPS Corpus: Rs 83 lacs (Excellent for age 42)

Equity Investments: Rs 1.55 crores (Strong exposure to growth assets)

Property Holdings:

1 BHK (Rs 85 lacs, no loan)

2.5 BHK (Rs 1.8 crore, Rs 1.32 crore loan at 6%)

Debt Summary:

Home Loan: Rs 1.32 crore @6% (EMI Rs 60k)

OD Facility 1: Rs 24 lacs @14% (Interest Rs 28k monthly)

OD Facility 2: Rs 10 lacs @10.5% (Interest Rs 10k monthly)

Personal Loan: Rs 30 lacs @10.9% (EMI Rs 65k)

You are doing many things right. But your high-interest liabilities are acting as a drag. Let us plan step-by-step.

Key Priorities Identified
Eliminate High-Interest Debt Fast

Retain and Grow Wealth Through Equities

Align Investments to Retirement Goal

Build Adequate Emergency Corpus

Protect Wealth Through Risk Planning

Plan for Financial Freedom Timeline

Step 1: Handling Your Debt Structure
Your total EMIs and interest payments exceed Rs 1.6 lacs monthly. This is too high.

Breakdown of Outflow on Loans:

Home Loan EMI: Rs 60k

OD Interest 1: Rs 28k

OD Interest 2: Rs 10k

Personal Loan EMI: Rs 65k
Total: Rs 1.63 lacs per month

That’s nearly 45% of total family income.

You must reduce this immediately. Not through EMI increase, but through strategic repayment using your available equity corpus.

What Should You Do Now?
Do not prepay the home loan right now. It's a staff loan at only 6%.

Target OD Loans first. These are expensive and do not reduce principal unless you repay.

Repay OD Facility 1 and 2 completely using equity portfolio.

That frees up Rs 38k per month interest instantly.

Next, prepay Personal Loan partly or fully. It has a high interest and high EMI.

This will reduce outgo by Rs 65k per month.

After this, your only active EMI will be Rs 60k on the home loan. This is manageable.

If you liquidate Rs 64 lacs from your equity corpus, your loan outgo drops from Rs 1.63 lacs to Rs 60k. Huge improvement.

But what about taxation?

Yes, equity mutual fund gains above Rs 1.25 lac annually are taxed at 12.5%. Short-term capital gains are taxed at 20%. But still, it is better to pay tax and save long-term interest.

Paying 14% interest on OD is much worse than 12.5% tax once.

Use lump sum withdrawals smartly over 2–3 quarters if you want to minimise tax.

Step 2: Emergency Corpus Creation
With so many loans, keeping Rs 10–15 lacs liquid is necessary.

Use:

Rs 5 lacs in FD

Rs 5–7 lacs in ultra-short debt mutual funds

Rs 2–3 lacs in sweep-in savings account

This will help you avoid further OD borrowings.

Step 3: Review Your Equity Portfolio
You already have Rs 1.55 crore invested. That's a very good size.

After debt clearance, you will still have around Rs 90 lacs left in equity.

Review the portfolio in terms of:

Sector diversification

Fund overlap

Risk-adjusted return

Large-cap, mid-cap, small-cap balance

Don’t just invest based on returns. Look at volatility and drawdown risks also.

Actively managed funds help manage these risks better.

Avoid Index Funds
Index funds have no downside protection. They invest blindly across index stocks.

No human intervention during market crash

High overlap with other passive funds

Not suitable for active wealth planning

Underperform during sideways markets

Stick to actively managed funds for alpha generation and risk control.

Let Certified Financial Planner–guided MFD handle fund selection and rebalancing.

Step 4: Fresh SIP Strategy Post Debt Clearance
You will save almost Rs 1 lac per month after closing loans.

Start monthly SIP of Rs 60,000–75,000 in diversified mutual funds.

Use these categories:

Large and Midcap Funds

Multicap Funds

Flexicap Funds

Small Cap only upto 15% of SIPs

Break SIPs across 4–5 fund houses. Don’t chase short-term performance. Stay invested.

Use step-up SIP feature. Increase SIP by Rs 5k every year.

Do not invest directly. Avoid direct plans.

Why Not Direct Plans?
No personalised guidance

No regular portfolio reviews

Misses rebalancing opportunities

Errors in fund switching and tax harvesting

Regular plan via CFP-led MFDs ensures professional portfolio care.

The extra 0.5–1% expense is worth the quality guidance.

Step 5: Planning for Financial Freedom
You can aim to retire or semi-retire by age 55.

That gives you 13 more earning years.

By following this path, you can build a strong corpus:

PF/NPS: Rs 83 lacs now, grows to Rs 2.5–3 crores

Equity: Rs 90 lacs now, grows to Rs 3.5–4.5 crores

Home: Loan-free 2 homes; one can generate rental income

That’s more than Rs 6–7 crore wealth in 13 years.

You can plan to stop active work by 55 and live off investments.

You need only Rs 1.2–1.5 lacs per month post-retirement, based on current lifestyle.

That’s easy to generate with SWPs from equity and PPF/NPS withdrawal strategy.

But you must stay disciplined in debt, SIPs and equity holding.

Step 6: Estate and Wealth Protection
Do not ignore these areas:

Term Insurance
Keep cover till age 60

Cover should be 10x of annual income

If you already have cover, review sufficiency

Health Insurance
Have separate health cover outside employer policy

Get family floater of Rs 10 lacs minimum

Add top-up of Rs 25 lacs for future hospitalisation

Will & Nomination
Make a will now itself

Register all nominations in mutual funds, PF, bank, demat

Step 7: Avoid These Common Mistakes
Never take OD for investment or lifestyle

Don’t delay debt clearance because markets are rising

Don’t stop SIPs during market fall

Don’t invest in direct funds unless you are full-time into finance

Don’t take advice from friends or social media posts

Your finances are too valuable to risk.

Final Insights
You have high income, great discipline, and strong assets. You only need smart structuring.

Clear high-interest loans using equity now. It gives guaranteed returns by saving interest.

Then invest systematically into mutual funds with the help of a Certified Financial Planner.

Keep growing your corpus till 55, and aim for debt-free, work-optional life.

Don’t touch your NPS/PF till retirement. Let compounding do the magic.

You are already on the right path. Just align your debt and investments strategically.

Start working with a trusted, qualified MFD who is a CFP. Let them review your portfolio quarterly.

You are well-positioned for complete financial freedom by age 55. Keep your focus.

Best Regards,
K. Ramalingam, MBA, CFP
Chief Financial Planner
www.holisticinvestment.in
https://www.youtube.com/@HolisticInvestment

..Read more

Ramalingam

Ramalingam Kalirajan  |10902 Answers  |Ask -

Mutual Funds, Financial Planning Expert - Answered on Aug 01, 2025

Asked by Anonymous - Jul 10, 2025Hindi
Money
iam working in public sector bank and my gross pay is around 90k+4k allowances and netpay around 84k I have car loan of 7.45 lakh(present) with emi 13.5 k 7.8% roi and i have taken 6.5 lakh in loan from cooperative society at 10% si with emi around 11k also i have fully used staff od of 7 lakh 7% si roi. Also i get a medical exgratia of 19k per month and i have stocks worth 7 lakh and i am getting married in dec this year how should i manage things so that i clear all my loans except car loan in next 1 year. And after deductions my current net pay is 58k +19k exgratia. Kindly guide me how should i strengthen my finances i.e both refuce loan and how shoul i invest my current age is 28
Ans: – You are just 28, but already aware of your finances. That is rare and praiseworthy.
– Planning before marriage and wanting to repay loans is a sign of responsibility.
– Your focus on financial discipline and investment is a strong foundation for your future.
– You are on the right path. Now, you just need a more structured direction.

» Present Income and Cash Flow Assessment

– Gross salary is around Rs 94,000. Net in hand is Rs 58,000 after deductions.
– You get Rs 19,000 monthly as exgratia, which adds strength to your cash flow.
– Your total available income per month is about Rs 77,000.
– Car loan EMI is Rs 13,500 and cooperative loan EMI is Rs 11,000.
– You are paying Rs 24,500 every month just on these two loans.
– You also have a Rs 7 lakh overdraft at 7% interest, fully utilised.

» Total Debt Structure Overview

– Total liabilities are:

Car loan – Rs 7.45 lakh

Cooperative society loan – Rs 6.5 lakh

Staff OD – Rs 7 lakh
– That means Rs 20.95 lakh total outstanding loan.
– Out of this, you want to clear Rs 13.5 lakh (excluding car loan) in 1 year.
– Your goal is strong and time-bound. A structured strategy can help you achieve it.

» Evaluating the EMI Burden and Current Status

– Current EMI outgo is already 32% of your income (Rs 24.5k out of Rs 77k).
– That is quite high for your age and upcoming responsibilities like marriage.
– Excluding car loan, your EMI burden is Rs 11,000 per month.
– The OD interest of 7% is not in EMI form, but it silently eats into your savings.
– We need to reduce interest costs and manage repayment smartly.

» Stocks Holding Strategy – Risk and Realignment

– You have Rs 7 lakh in stocks. This is good at 28, but also risky.
– Stock value is not guaranteed and could drop when you may need it most.
– Since your aim is to close loans in one year, equity risk is not suitable.
– Consider partially exiting your stocks now, especially if you are in profits.
– Liquidate at least Rs 5 lakh from the Rs 7 lakh holding for debt reduction.
– This will not only reduce interest costs, but also free up cash flow.

» Suggested Loan Repayment Strategy for Next 12 Months

– Use Rs 5 lakh from stocks to immediately repay part of OD or society loan.
– Prioritise repaying the cooperative society loan first. It has highest interest (10%).
– Then reduce the OD. Since it has no fixed EMI, reducing principal helps.
– After stock liquidation, balance Rs 8.5 lakh loan can be paid over 12 months.
– That means you need to pay about Rs 70,000 monthly to clear the rest.
– From your Rs 77k income, that is possible by keeping expenses extremely tight.
– Keep Rs 7,000 for essential expenses. Avoid any new luxury expenses.
– Any bonus or additional income should also go into repayment.
– Discuss with family to keep marriage expenses modest.

» Managing Marriage Expenses without Creating New Debt

– Marriage costs can easily disrupt your entire plan if not controlled.
– Plan a budget wedding. Avoid personal loan or credit card funding.
– Any gifts or support from family should be used only for wedding, not loans.
– Do not touch your salary or exgratia amount for wedding shopping.
– Keep that income only for EMI payments and reducing overdraft.

» No New Investments Before Debt Is Cleared

– Do not start SIPs or ULIPs or any other investments till all loans are cleared.
– Right now, investing will only delay your goal of becoming debt-free.
– After becoming debt-free, start fresh investments with purpose and plan.

» How to Strengthen Finances After Loan Clearance

– Once cooperative loan and OD are cleared, you will save Rs 18,000 monthly.
– Redirect this saved EMI to mutual funds via SIPs.
– Start with Rs 15,000 SIP monthly. Keep Rs 3,000 for emergency fund buildup.
– Always choose regular plans through MFD backed by a Certified Financial Planner.
– Don’t go for direct funds. They look cheaper but lack advisory and portfolio reviews.
– MFD with CFP brings regular fund reviews and corrections if needed.

» Avoid Index Funds in Future Planning

– Index funds follow a fixed rule. They can’t protect you in market falls.
– No fund manager actively manages or rebalances them.
– They don’t adjust to market cycles or sectors.
– Actively managed mutual funds are more flexible. They protect better in market crash.
– Skilled fund managers can shift assets across sectors for better risk control.

» Medical Exgratia Utilisation

– The Rs 19,000 monthly medical exgratia is an advantage.
– Save this separately in a liquid fund. Use only in medical or emergency need.
– Don’t count it as part of regular income for EMI or investment.
– Treat this as your health protection reserve.

» Insurance Coverage Review After Marriage

– After marriage, review your health insurance again.
– Cover both yourself and spouse under a family floater plan.
– Maintain minimum Rs 10 lakh family floater health cover.
– Since you work in bank, you may get employee medical cover.
– Still, personal policy is a must.

– Also buy a term insurance plan after marriage.
– Coverage should be minimum 10 times your annual income.
– This will protect your spouse and future children financially.
– Avoid ULIPs or endowment policies. They mix insurance and investment badly.
– Keep insurance and investment separate.

» Building Emergency Fund After Loan Clearance

– After loans are paid off, build an emergency fund of at least Rs 2 lakh.
– Keep it in a liquid or ultra short-term fund.
– Don’t touch it unless there’s job loss or serious medical issue.
– It should cover at least 3 to 6 months of expenses.
– Without this, you may again fall into debt during emergencies.

» Investment Plan for Long-Term Goals

– Once loans are done, and emergency fund is ready, start planning for long-term.
– You are only 28, so time is on your side.
– Start SIPs in actively managed mutual funds through MFD + CFP guidance.
– Begin goal-wise investing. For example:

Rs 5,000 monthly SIP for your future home downpayment

Rs 7,000 monthly SIP for retirement at 60

Rs 3,000 SIP for future child education
– These can be adjusted as income grows.
– Review your funds every 6 months with your MFD.

» Tax Planning Post Debt Clearance

– Once you free your cash flow, use Rs 1.5 lakh 80C limit wisely.
– PPF, EPF, ELSS mutual funds are good options.
– Avoid ULIPs or tax-saving insurance.
– Invest under 80D for health insurance too.
– Keep income tax liability low but with purpose-driven instruments.

» Final Insights

– Your discipline and early planning mindset are your biggest strength.
– Pay off loans first. Start investments only after that.
– Don’t mix insurance and investment.
– Keep wedding simple. Don’t borrow more for celebration.
– Use stock gains to repay high-cost loans.
– Start SIPs only after your loan burden ends.
– Stay focused. Don’t rush into new investments because peers are doing it.
– Every step should be tied to a financial goal.

Best Regards,
K. Ramalingam, MBA, CFP,
Chief Financial Planner,
www.holisticinvestment.in
https://www.youtube.com/@HolisticInvestment

..Read more

Ramalingam

Ramalingam Kalirajan  |10902 Answers  |Ask -

Mutual Funds, Financial Planning Expert - Answered on Jul 15, 2025

Asked by Anonymous - Jul 15, 2025Hindi
Money
Hello Sir, I am 38 years old married (Wife not working )and a daughter of 3 years, with 2L in hand salary, I have active loans 1. 14L home loan @ 7.9% 2. 33L top up loan @8.1% 3. 1L Credit card loan @13% 8 months remaining EMI 4. 2.4L loans against Stocks 10.75% Total EMIs : 63K I have Monthly SIPs of 40K I save in the form of chits as well 45K per month . Currently my assets are 70L flat 22L plot 1 28L plot 2 7L plot 3 MF 11L Stocks 13L EPF 27L PPF 1.2L NPS 65K NPS ( vatsalya for daughter) 50K My wife EPF : 15L Mutual Funds: 5L Savings of 10L given to family. Due to uncertainty in jobs I want to lessen by burden and also prepare for the worst. At the same time I want to make sure my daughter has some continuous income when she is 18 years . What can I do here? Note: my wife is looking out for job and we live Salary to salary after our expenses and savings Please provide me a plan to follow.
Ans: You have been managing many things at once, and that's not easy. Let us look at your situation step by step from a 360-degree perspective and create a plan that gives you clarity, relief, and future security.

? Current Financial Position

– You are 38 years old, married, with one daughter aged 3 years.
– Your wife is currently not working but looking for a job.
– You have Rs.2 lakh in hand right now.
– You are paying Rs.63,000 as total EMI every month.
– You invest Rs.40,000 through SIPs monthly.
– You contribute Rs.45,000 in chits every month.
– You live almost paycheck to paycheck after EMI, SIPs, and chits.

Let us assess your assets next.

? Assets Owned Till Now

– Residential flat worth Rs.70 lakh.
– Three plots worth Rs.22 lakh, Rs.28 lakh, and Rs.7 lakh.
– Mutual fund investments of Rs.11 lakh in your name.
– Stock portfolio of Rs.13 lakh.
– EPF corpus of Rs.27 lakh in your name.
– PPF of Rs.1.2 lakh.
– NPS of Rs.65,000.
– Daughter’s NPS (Vatsalya) of Rs.50,000.
– Wife’s EPF corpus of Rs.15 lakh.
– Wife’s mutual funds worth Rs.5 lakh.
– You’ve given Rs.10 lakh to family as financial help.

These are strong asset levels. You’ve done well so far.

? Active Loans and EMI Burden

– Rs.14 lakh home loan at 7.9% interest.
– Rs.33 lakh top-up loan at 8.1% interest.
– Rs.1 lakh credit card loan at 13%. 8 months left.
– Rs.2.4 lakh loan against shares at 10.75% interest.
– Total EMIs: Rs.63,000 per month.

Your EMI outflow is high. Close to 30–35% of take-home pay.
With job uncertainty, this puts pressure.
Some loans are high cost and need urgent attention.

? Immediate Actions to Reduce Financial Stress

– First, close the credit card loan in 8 months as planned.
– Second, aim to clear loan against shares next.
– Sell part of stocks if needed.
– Interest of 10.75% on stock loans eats into equity return.
– Avoid pledging stocks or mutual funds again.

If still short, temporarily pause chit contributions.
Chits are informal, less liquid, and carry group risk.

– Consider pausing SIPs for 6 months if needed.
– Use this freed-up cash to finish high-interest loans.
– Resume SIPs after clearing credit and stock loans.

This improves monthly surplus and gives peace of mind.

? Home and Top-Up Loans Strategy

– Together, these loans are Rs.47 lakh.
– Interest is under control for now.
– Don’t prepay aggressively while other goals are pending.
– Keep paying regular EMI.
– Try one extra EMI per year if possible.

Avoid top-up loans for other needs. They increase burden long term.

? Evaluate Real Estate Holdings

– Flat and plots total to Rs.127 lakh in value.
– That’s nearly 50% of your net worth.
– Real estate is illiquid and doesn’t give regular income.
– Don’t consider buying more.
– Avoid holding too many unused plots.
– If income is tight, consider selling one plot.
– Use the money to reduce loan or boost daughter’s fund.

Property doesn't generate cash flow. It's not helpful during job loss.

? Managing SIPs and Investment Strategy

– Rs.40,000 SIP monthly is a strong habit.
– Mutual fund corpus has grown to Rs.11 lakh.
– Continue SIPs once loan pressure is low.
– Prefer actively managed mutual funds.
– Index funds do not offer downside protection.
– In falling markets, index funds fall sharply.
– Active funds have managers who take timely decisions.
– This improves growth and reduces risk.

Also, don't invest in direct mutual funds on your own.
Direct funds don’t come with personal advice or guidance.
Wrong choice or lack of review can cause losses.
Use regular funds through a Certified Financial Planner and MFD.
They offer fund selection, tracking, rebalancing, and handholding.

This adds long-term value over just low expense ratio.

? Emergency Fund and Protection Cover

– You haven’t mentioned emergency savings.
– With job uncertainty, this is urgent.
– Build 6–9 months of expense fund in liquid mutual funds.
– Include EMIs also in this amount.
– Don’t use real estate or PPF for emergencies.

Review your insurance also.

– Take term insurance of at least 15 times your annual salary.
– Buy family floater health insurance of at least Rs.10 lakh.
– Don’t depend on office cover only.
– Check if you have accidental cover. Add if not.

These steps give confidence during tough times.

? Cash Support Given to Family

– Rs.10 lakh given to family as support is generous.
– If it was a loan, try to recover it gradually.
– Avoid giving large sums again unless very urgent.
– In your stage, self-protection should be top priority.

? Planning for Daughter’s Future Income

– She is 3 now. You want income stream when she turns 18.
– That is 15 years from now.
– You need to build an education corpus and later income flow.

Here’s a plan to consider:

– Start a dedicated mutual fund SIP for her now.
– Keep it in your name but tagged to her goal.
– Invest in diversified, actively managed funds.
– Increase SIP yearly by 10–15%.
– Avoid ULIPs, child plans, or endowment policies.
– They offer poor returns and lack flexibility.

By age 18, shift part of corpus to monthly income funds.
This will give steady income for her use.
Also, you can open a minor PPF in her name for safety.
Use it only as a small part of her portfolio.
Don’t rely only on NPS (Vatsalya). It’s too restrictive and long-term.

This layered approach ensures she gets funds at 18, and beyond.

? Wife’s Career and EPF Planning

– Your wife has Rs.15 lakh EPF and Rs.5 lakh in mutual funds.
– If she starts earning again, that will reduce pressure.
– Encourage her to take up a job or side income options.
– Her EPF is safe. Let it grow.
– Avoid using it for current needs.
– Add her SIPs too if possible after income resumes.

Both husband and wife contributing creates double strength.

? Debt vs Investment Rebalancing

– Don’t invest when high-cost debt is pending.
– Finish credit card and stock loans first.
– Then build emergency fund.
– Resume SIPs gradually after that.
– Don’t take new loans for investing.
– Stay away from personal loans or chit borrowings.

A Certified Financial Planner can help with rebalancing.
They will guide asset mix based on goals, risk, and stage.

? Long-Term Retirement Vision

– At age 38, you still have 20 years for retirement.
– EPF and PPF are safe options already in your plan.
– NPS can be increased slowly.
– But don’t go overboard with locked-in options.
– Mutual funds offer flexibility and better return.
– Keep increasing SIPs towards retirement as EMI goes down.
– Separate your retirement and daughter’s goals clearly.
– Mixing them leads to confusion and shortfalls later.

In the last 5 years before retirement, shift to low-risk options.

? Smart Use of Surplus Funds

– Bonuses, incentives, tax refunds – use all wisely.
– Don’t spend on unnecessary lifestyle upgrades.
– First use to repay loans.
– Then build emergency fund.
– Then increase SIPs for long-term goals.

This step-by-step use of money builds strong future.

? What to Avoid Now

– Don’t buy more plots or property.
– Don’t use chits for long-term investing.
– Don’t depend on index funds for wealth creation.
– Don’t invest in direct funds without professional help.
– Don’t mix daughter’s fund with other savings.
– Don’t use ULIP, traditional LIC policies.
– If already taken, consider surrendering and reinvesting in mutual funds.

These decisions help avoid hidden losses and regrets.

? Finally

– Your commitment to savings and family is excellent.
– You are doing many things right already.
– You just need to reduce loan stress and create balance.
– Focus on daughter’s secure future and your peace of mind.
– Prioritise debt clearing, emergency fund, and protection.
– Resume investments steadily once loans reduce.
– Real estate need not be increased further.
– Mutual funds through CFP-backed advice offer better control and growth.

Stay consistent. Review plan every year.
Be prepared for the worst, but plan for the best.

Best Regards,
K. Ramalingam, MBA, CFP,
Chief Financial Planner,
www.holisticinvestment.in
https://www.youtube.com/@HolisticInvestment

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Ramalingam

Ramalingam Kalirajan  |10902 Answers  |Ask -

Mutual Funds, Financial Planning Expert - Answered on Aug 28, 2025

Money
Hello Sir, My age will be 35 this October.. I work in a psu.I have around 73 lakhs in Company PF,23 Lakhs in NPS,25 lakhs in MF,11 Lakhs in Stocks.. Home loan at simple interest like bank employee had of 65 lakhs.. salary in hand 1.2 lakhs and monthly loan emi of 34500 fixed till 24 years.. please review and suggest what changes i need to make.. investing 21k per month in MF and company invest around 16 k in nps and PF also contribution at 12 percent 16k from my side and 16k from company side.
Ans: You have built an excellent foundation at age 35. Having over Rs.1 crore already in PF, NPS, MFs and stocks shows strong discipline. Balancing loan repayment with continued investments is not easy. But you are managing it well with regular contributions. This itself proves you are serious about long term wealth creation. Let us now assess your entire financial picture from a 360-degree perspective.

» Present asset position
– Rs.73 lakhs in Company PF. This gives stable, low-risk growth.
– Rs.23 lakhs in NPS. This builds retirement security with some equity exposure.
– Rs.25 lakhs in mutual funds. This creates long-term wealth.
– Rs.11 lakhs in stocks. This is high-risk but high-return portion.
– Total assets are around Rs.1.32 crore. This is a strong start for 35 years.

» Liability position
– Rs.65 lakhs home loan. EMI is Rs.34,500 monthly.
– Since it is simple interest under employee scheme, repayment is lighter.
– EMI burden is less compared to income. This allows good surplus for investments.
– Loan is long-term (24 years). No urgency to close early. Instead, invest extra savings for higher return.

» Income and cash flow
– Salary in hand Rs.1.2 lakhs per month.
– EMI is Rs.34,500, which is well within capacity.
– PF contribution of 12% from your side and 12% from company side adds strength.
– Company adds Rs.16k monthly to PF plus Rs.16k from your side.
– Company also contributes Rs.16k in NPS.
– You are already investing Rs.21k in mutual funds monthly.

This cash flow shows good balance between loan repayment and investments.

» Mutual fund strategy
– Presently, Rs.25 lakhs already in mutual funds and Rs.21k monthly SIP.
– Continue with SIP discipline. It creates wealth faster than lump sum timing.
– Prefer regular plans with Certified Financial Planner support. Direct plans look cheaper but demand monitoring and research from your side. Wrong timing or poor fund selection can eat more return than saved cost. CFP-backed monitoring ensures right switches and allocation.
– Avoid index funds. Actively managed funds in India still beat index. Skilled fund managers protect during fall, unlike index funds that mirror every crash.

» Stock exposure
– Rs.11 lakhs in stocks is good but risky. Direct stocks need constant tracking.
– If stocks are not reviewed professionally, better shift gradually to mutual funds.
– Mutual funds provide diversification and professional management. That reduces unsystematic risk.
– Stocks can remain as satellite portion of portfolio, but not core.

» Retirement planning
– You have PF, NPS, mutual funds. This creates strong retirement base.
– At 35, retirement horizon is 25 years plus. So, equity allocation must dominate.
– PF and NPS already create debt portion. So, your mutual funds can focus more on equity growth.
– With long horizon, SIP compounding will multiply wealth significantly.

» Risk management
– First step is life insurance. Do you have pure term plan? If not, you must buy. Insurance should cover at least 12–15 times annual income. Avoid ULIP or endowment. They mix insurance and investment and reduce returns.
– Second step is health insurance. Employer policy may not be enough. Buy family floater health policy outside employer. It gives continuity even after retirement.
– Also, check personal accident and disability cover. These protect income earning capacity.

» Emergency fund
– Do you have at least 6 months’ expenses in liquid fund or savings? If not, build it.
– Emergency fund avoids breaking SIPs or selling long-term investments during crisis.
– This fund is like seat belt in car. Rarely used but always needed.

» Taxation perspective
– Your PF and NPS contributions are tax efficient. They save tax under 80C and 80CCD.
– Mutual funds are taxed differently. Equity fund long term capital gains above Rs.1.25 lakh are taxed at 12.5%. Short term gains are taxed at 20%.
– So, avoid frequent redemptions. Hold long term to benefit from compounding and lower tax.
– Debt mutual funds are taxed as per your income slab. Use them only for stability and short-term needs, not for high returns.

» Loan repayment vs investment
– Many employees feel urge to prepay home loan. But in your case, interest rate is low and simple. Investments in equity funds can beat loan rate easily in long run.
– So, continue paying EMI regularly. Do not rush to close loan by diverting SIP money.
– Use surplus for investments. Loan gives tax benefit on interest as well.

» Asset allocation assessment
– PF + NPS form large debt portion. This is already conservative.
– MF + stocks form equity portion. This gives growth.
– Present ratio is tilted towards debt due to heavy PF. At 35, higher equity allocation is suitable. So continue equity SIPs without fear. This balances overall portfolio towards growth.
– Equity growth will help counter inflation. PF alone will not be enough.

» Future SIP increase
– Your present SIP is Rs.21k. As income grows, step up SIP every year. Even Rs.2000–3000 extra yearly adds huge wealth later.
– Step-up SIP builds wealth faster than static SIP. Inflation and lifestyle costs will rise. Step-up ensures portfolio beats inflation.

» Goal clarity
– Link investments to goals. Retirement, children education, marriage, house upgrade – each has different horizon.
– Equity funds suit long-term goals (above 7 years). Debt or hybrid funds suit medium-term goals (3–7 years).
– Clear goal mapping avoids confusion later. It also helps choose correct withdrawal timing.

» Behavioural discipline
– Wealth creation is more about behaviour than products. You already show discipline in SIP and PF.
– Continue same patience. Do not panic in market falls. SIPs buy cheaper in downturns.
– Avoid frequent portfolio reshuffling. Review only once a year with Certified Financial Planner.

» Importance of CFP-backed monitoring
– Direct fund investors often make emotional decisions. They redeem when market is low.
– CFP-backed monitoring brings rational decisions. They analyse allocation, not just returns.
– They adjust portfolio when goals change or market shifts.
– Regular plans may look costly but this advice and correction create higher net wealth in long run.

» Avoiding common mistakes
– Do not invest in endowment, ULIP, or insurance-linked products. They give low return and lock money.
– Do not overtrade in direct stocks. Concentrate on SIPs.
– Do not stop SIPs during market crash. That is when they work best.
– Do not chase latest trending funds. Stick to planned allocation.

» Building wealth with peace of mind
– You already have good base of assets.
– Continue systematic investing.
– Protect with insurance.
– Build emergency fund.
– Increase SIP gradually.
– Review yearly.

This is the balanced formula for long-term wealth and family security.

» Finally
At 35, you are ahead of many peers with Rs.1.32 crore assets. Your PF and NPS build safety. Your mutual funds and stocks build growth. Your loan EMI is manageable. Continue SIPs, increase them with income, and keep patience. Do not rush to close home loan. Build term and health insurance. Keep emergency fund ready. Avoid direct plans and index funds. Use regular mutual funds with Certified Financial Planner support for guidance. Stay disciplined, and your wealth journey will be smooth and strong.

Best Regards,

K. Ramalingam, MBA, CFP,

Chief Financial Planner,

www.holisticinvestment.in

https://www.youtube.com/@HolisticInvestment

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Latest Questions
Reetika

Reetika Sharma  |432 Answers  |Ask -

Financial Planner, MF and Insurance Expert - Answered on Dec 18, 2025

Asked by Anonymous - Dec 16, 2025Hindi
Money
Hello Reetika Mam, I am 48 year having privet Job. I have started investment from 2017, current value of investment is 82L and having monthly 50K SIP as below. My goal to have 2.5Cr corpus at the age of 58. Please advice... 1. Nippon India small cap -Growth Rs 5,000 2. Sundaram Mid Cap fund Regular plan-Growth Rs 5,000 3. ICICI Prudential Small Cap- Growth Rs 10,000 4. ICICI Prudential Large Cap fund-Growth Rs 5,000 5. ICICI Prudential Balanced Adv. fund-Growth Rs 5,000 6. DSP Small Cap fund Regular Growth Rs 5,000 7. Nippn India Pharma Fund- Growth Rs 5,000 8. SBI focused Fund Regular plan- Growth Rs 5,000 9. SBI Dynamic Asset Allocation Active FoF-Regular-Growth Rs 5,000
Ans: Hi,

You can easily achieve your goal of 2.5 crores after 10 years. Your current investment value of 82 lakhs alone can grow to 2.5 crores assuming CAGR of 12% and monthly 50k SIP will give additional 1.1 crores, making a total corpus of 3.6 crores at 58.

But I see a problem with your current allocation. The fund selection is more aligned towards small caps of different AMCs and very concentrated and overlapped portfolio.
You need to diversify it so as to secure your current investment while getting a decent CAGR of 12% over next 10 years.
Focus on changing your current funds to large caps and BAFs and flexicaps and avoid sectoral funds.

You can also work with an advisor to get detailed analysis of your portfolio.
Hence you should consult a professional Certified Financial Planner - a CFP who can guide you with exact funds to invest in keeping in mind your age, requirements, financial goals and risk profile. A CFP periodically reviews your portfolio and suggest any amendments to be made, if required.

Let me know if you need more help.

Best Regards,
Reetika Sharma, Certified Financial Planner
https://www.instagram.com/cfpreetika/

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Reetika

Reetika Sharma  |432 Answers  |Ask -

Financial Planner, MF and Insurance Expert - Answered on Dec 18, 2025

Money
Hi, I am 32 years old, married, and have a 4-year-old daughter. My monthly take-home salary is 55,000 rupees, and my wife's salary is 31,000 rupees, making our total income 86,000 rupees. I am currently in a lot of debt. Our total EMIs amount to 99,910 rupees (total loans with an average interest rate of 12.5%), and even with my father covering most of the monthly expenses, I still spend about 10,000 rupees. This leaves me with a shortage of approximately 25,000 rupees (debt) every month. My total debt across various banks is 36,50,000 rupees, and I also have a gold loan of 14 lakhs. I cannot change the EMI or loan tenure for another year. I also have a 2 lakh rupee loan from private lenders at an 18% interest rate. My total debt is over 52 lakhs. Now, with gold and silver prices rising, I'm worried that I won't be able to buy them again. I have an opportunity to get a 2 lakh rupee loan at a 12% interest rate, and I'm thinking of using that money to buy gold and silver and then pledge them at the bank again. Half of my current gold loan is from a similar situation – I took a loan from private lenders, bought gold, and then took a gold loan from the bank to repay the private loan. Given my current situation and my family's circumstances, should I buy more gold or focus on repaying my debts? What should I do? The monthly interest on my loans is approximately 50,000 rupees, meaning 50,000 rupees of my salary goes towards interest every month. What should I do in this situation? I also have an SBI Jan Nivesh SIP of 2000 rupees per month for the last four months. I have no savings left. I am thinking of taking out term insurance and health insurance, but I am hesitating because I don't have the money. I am looking for some suggestions to get out of these debts.
Ans: Hi Surya,

You are in a very complicated situation. This whole debt trapped needs to be worked on very judiciously. Let us go through all the aspects in detail.

1. Your total monthly household salary - 86000; monthly expense - 10000 contribution as of now; monthly EMI - approx. 1 lakhs.
2. Current loans - 36.5 lakhs from various banks at 12.5%; Gold Loan - 14 lakhs; private lenders - 2 lakhs at 18% >> totalling to 52 lakhs.
3. 50k interest per month payable - implies capital payment is very less leading to more problem.

- Keen on buying gold with loan. This is where more problem will began. Avoid buying gold using loan.
- Your focus should be on reducing your debt instead of increasing it.

Strategy to follow:
1. Close the loan with higher interest rate - 2 lakh personal lender. This will reduce your EMI and give you more potential to prepay other loans.
2. Try and take financial help from your family in prepaying small loans from banks. This can reduce your burden.
3. If you have any unused assets, can sell them to pay off your loans.

Points to NOTE:
> Avoid taking any more loans.
> When your EMI burden reduces, do make an emergency fund of 2-3 lakhs for yourself for any uncetain situation.
> Make sure to have a health insurance for yourself and family.
> Can stop your investments for now. They are of no use if your EMIs are more than your income. Can start investing once your EMI's reduce atleast by 20-30% for you.

Let me know if you need more help.

Best Regards,
Reetika Sharma, Certified Financial Planner
https://www.instagram.com/cfpreetika/

...Read more

Reetika

Reetika Sharma  |432 Answers  |Ask -

Financial Planner, MF and Insurance Expert - Answered on Dec 18, 2025

Money
Hello Sir ; I am 55 years old & have decided to retire by end of 2025 . My wife is in teaching profession , earns appx. 3.5 L / annum & will continue her service till 2037( @60 yrs. of age ) . My only child is an intellectually disabled person ( with Autism ) , 14 years of age & will be incapable to earn . As on date , I have 60 L in MF , going to sell a property by end of this year @ 41 L ( it is fixed ) , appx 5L in Bank & postal FD . My wife have 45L in MF as on date & 3 fully paid premium ULIP policy which will be matured by 2030. She can get appx. 25 L from there . This is by and large my family financial status . Now , my queries to you that with this corpus , how we manage our ( myself & wife’s ) livelihood & most important that to manage a continuous cash flow for my disabled child till his age 65 i.e. 50 years from now . Primarily , I have thought of SWP & MIS schemes to get regular income for th retirement . My present family expense is appx. 1L per month . Therefore , I do seek your expert advice in this regards . I will be highly obliged if you kindly address to my query . thanking you , with best regards ; Suprabhat Jatty.
Ans: Hi Suprabhat,

Let us analyse all things in detail - one at a time.
1. 5L in Bank and FD - this is your emergency fund. But if there is a lock-in on the postal FD, you need atleast 5 lakhs in bank FD as your emergency fund.
2. Health Insurance - it is the prime requirement for you and your family. You should have one covering you, your spouse as well as your kid. It will help you in uncertain health conditions of youself and family.
3. ULIP Policy - Usually policies like such are not beneficial. But these are all paid-up, good point here. Whenever you get this, try to invest it in equity and hybrid mutual funds.
4. You will get 41 lakhs from property selling. Invest the entire amount in mutual funds, a mix of equity and debt funds.
5. Cumulative MF portfolio = 1.05 crores. As the entire corpus is huge, take the advice of a proper advisor on managing your overall investments and portfolio. A guided investment always generates better result than a random portfolio.

Your annual needs - 12 lakhs; Wife will earn - 3.5 lakhs till 2037. You need additional 8.5 lakhs per year to manage your expenses.
- You can initiate a SWP from your overall savings after allocating it in correct funds with the help of advisor.
- You need to have a dedicated corpus for your son's need in your absence. Atleast 50-70 lakhs should be kept solely for your son.
- The overall corpus seems insufficient to meet your requirements for now. You can either postpone your retirement and create an additional savings corpus for your future and son. Or you may consider to work on your monthly budget.

Do work with a professional advisor to guide you with exact funds to meet your desired goals.
Hence consult a professional Certified Financial Planner - a CFP who can guide you with exact funds to invest in keeping in mind your age, requirements, financial goals and risk profile. A CFP periodically reviews your portfolio and suggest any amendments to be made, if required.

Let me know if you need more help.

Best Regards,
Reetika Sharma, Certified Financial Planner
https://www.instagram.com/cfpreetika/

...Read more

Kanchan

Kanchan Rai  |648 Answers  |Ask -

Relationships Expert, Mind Coach - Answered on Dec 18, 2025

Asked by Anonymous - Dec 17, 2025Hindi
Relationship
I am 43 years old married man, arranged marriage. Married for past 13 years with 4 kids (aged 2, 3, 10 and 13). I work abroad with good salary package and live with my family. My wife is MSc. and home maker. She teaches the kids and cooks and takes good care of kids. I am academic research scholar. From the start of our marriage, I noticed my wife does not open much and moderate religious person. I am also not very extrovert person. I work from 8 am to 5 pm in office which is walkable distance from my house. After coming from office, I help her in kichen daily, look after the kids, help kids in math, clean the house, put the yougest kid to sleep, then I get some 'me' time which happens only after 11:30 pm in the night. I dont use phone untill everybody is sleep or my kids dont allow me to use phone while i am playing with them. Now sometimes I feel we are just room mates with 1-2 times sex in a month. In terms of love with my wife, I initiate all the time, she never expresses love. I am not very possessive kind of person. She does not show any interest in my work and never ask me hows my day etc. She only smiles and rarely laught. I thought may be it will improve with time. There is no money issue, she buys what ever she likes. She has her own card and I provide extra money if she asks. I assumed may be she does not like me from the beginning but staying in marriage due to family pressure and kids. I am average looking person and dont accept everything what she says in terms of investment, holiday etc. I had accepted my fate. She started doing book writing and publishing online and now earning and keeping separate account, She is very excited about it and feels happy and shares with me the publication but not the earnings. I give suggestions and money what ever she asks for marketting and promotion etc. I am happy for her. Recently I came across an email in her phone which was from her ex. There was a long deleted chat, in summary they were madly in love but could not get married, i dont know the reason or even she never spoke about him. they kept chatting even after our marriage. Her ex got married and divorsed with one grownup kid. He is single and work abroad in a different country with good salary package (may be better than mine). She emailed him after long time I guess but now she is secretly chatting with him very often. she keeps her phone locked and deletes the chats. He is also interested and asking her to leave and marry him. She is not saying yes to him but regrets that she married me. At this point I dont know if I should talk to her regarding this but she will definitely be upset to know i checked her phone. Few years back we had a major fight (that time i didnot know about her ex), i had proposed for divorse and settle it mutually if she is not happy with me but she denied and stayed. I dont know what I should do to make her happy. we both are from very respected family in the society and I dont know if her parents knew about her affair. Even though she is chatting with him but she behaves very normal with me, no fight no argument, as if nothing is happening. I dont know whats in her mind, is she just casually chatting with him or buying time, waiting for the right moment to leave? Shall I file for divorse or accept my fate as room mates. Am I worrying too much?
Ans: First, let me say this clearly: you are not worrying “too much.” Your concerns are valid. When emotional connection, affection, and curiosity about each other’s inner worlds are absent for years, and when secrecy enters the relationship, it naturally shakes trust. The fact that she is emotionally engaging with a past love, hiding communication, and expressing regret about marrying you — even if not directly to your face — is not a small or harmless thing. It doesn’t automatically mean she will leave, but it does mean there is unresolved emotional business that cannot be ignored.
At the same time, it’s important not to jump straight to extremes like divorce or silent resignation. Right now, the most important thing is clarity — for you and for her. Living as silent roommates while carrying this knowledge will slowly erode your self-worth and peace of mind. You deserve honesty, and your marriage deserves a chance to be examined truthfully, not just maintained for appearances, family reputation, or routine.
If you choose to speak to her, the way you approach it will matter far more than the fact that you looked at her phone. Try not to lead with accusation or surveillance. Lead with your emotional reality. You can say something like: you’ve been feeling emotionally distant for a long time, you feel you’re always the one initiating closeness, and recently you’ve felt even more unsettled and insecure about where you stand in her life. You don’t need to reveal every detail of what you saw immediately; the goal is to open a conversation about emotional honesty, not to trap her in a confession.
Pay close attention to how she responds. Not defensiveness alone, but whether she shows willingness to reflect, to talk about her inner world, and to consider rebuilding emotional intimacy with you. A marriage can sometimes be repaired even after emotional betrayal — but only if both partners are willing to be transparent and actively work on reconnecting. If she avoids the conversation, minimizes your feelings, or continues secrecy, then you will have important information about where the marriage truly stands.
It’s also worth acknowledging something gently but honestly: your wife may have spent years emotionally closed not because of you alone, but because she never fully processed the loss of that earlier relationship. Her recent independence and success may have stirred unresolved emotions and old longings. That explains her behavior, but it does not justify secrecy or emotional infidelity. Understanding this can help you speak with compassion without sacrificing your boundaries.
Before making any legal decisions, I strongly encourage you to consider couples counseling, ideally with someone experienced in long-term marriages and emotional affairs. A neutral space can help both of you speak truths that feel too risky at home. It will also help you understand whether she wants to stay and rebuild, or whether she is emotionally preparing to leave.
As for “accepting your fate,” I want to be very clear: accepting a life where you feel invisible, undesired, and emotionally alone is not a virtue. It is a slow form of self-erasure. Your children benefit most not from parents who silently endure, but from adults who model honesty, self-respect, and emotional responsibility.
You don’t have to decide everything right now. But you do need to stop carrying this alone. The next step is not divorce or resignation — it’s an honest, calm, courageous conversation focused on emotional truth. From there, the path forward will become clearer, even if it’s difficult.

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Kanchan

Kanchan Rai  |648 Answers  |Ask -

Relationships Expert, Mind Coach - Answered on Dec 18, 2025

Asked by Anonymous - Dec 16, 2025Hindi
Relationship
My husband doesn't lock the door when we have s**. This was the main reason for his ex-wife to divorce him. His parents feel that it is safer to keep the door unlocked in case of emergencies. But honestly,I feel awkward. I am not comfortable. Once his sister casually walked in to pick up some stuff, ignoring us on the bed. I was clothed but it still made me feel uncomfortable. We don't have a private bedroom but we use the bed at night. There are two shared wardrobes in the room which people need to access. I have explained this to my husband but he says I need to learn to adjust and work around it. Even if the door is closed, I always fear that someone might just walk in. What to do?
Ans: This is not a small preference issue. This is about personal boundaries and bodily autonomy. Even if nothing “bad” has happened, the fear of being walked in on is enough to make your body stay tense. That anxiety alone can affect your sense of dignity, desire, and emotional security. The fact that his ex-wife divorced him over the same issue tells you that this pattern is longstanding and not something you are imagining.
Your husband and his parents may frame this as “safety” or “emergency access,” but that argument does not hold when weighed against your right to privacy. Emergencies are rare; violations of comfort are happening now. A locked door during intimacy does not mean negligence—it means respect. Many families manage emergencies with simple alternatives like knocking, calling out, or keeping keys for true emergencies. What’s happening instead is that your need for privacy is being minimized, and you are being asked to suppress discomfort for the convenience of others.
The incident with his sister casually entering is especially important. Even though you were clothed, your body registered that as a boundary breach. The fact that it was brushed off is likely reinforcing your fear that this could happen again. Over time, this can quietly erode trust and sexual comfort—not because you’re “overthinking,” but because your nervous system is constantly on alert.
You need to shift the conversation with your husband away from “adjustment” and toward non-negotiable boundaries. This isn’t about arguing logic; it’s about stating a clear emotional and physical limit. You might say something like:
“I cannot feel safe or comfortable being intimate without privacy. This isn’t something I can adjust to. If intimacy continues without a locked door, I will start avoiding it—not out of punishment, but because my body feels unsafe.”
That’s not a threat. That’s honesty.
If the room layout is genuinely impractical, then the solution is not for you to tolerate discomfort, but for the household to change logistics—restricted access at night, fixed timings, or creating a private space. Privacy is a shared responsibility, not a burden placed on one person to endure.
If your husband continues to dismiss this after you clearly express it, that’s a deeper issue than doors. It signals a lack of attunement to your emotional safety, and that deserves serious attention—possibly with a counselor, especially given that this issue has already broken a marriage before.
You are not asking for something unreasonable. You are asking for respect.

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Anu

Anu Krishna  |1754 Answers  |Ask -

Relationships Expert, Mind Coach - Answered on Dec 18, 2025

Relationship
Mam, I know some ways by which i can change my state of mind from lazy to working.. and having pressure/deadline helps to move on. But still I'm get trapped in guilt of actions and don't feel confident that next time i will be able to control myself..( cuz some actions give short pleasure/gratification easily.. but guilts also). And in all those silent, sad, depressed emotional time my Real working time gets wasted.. and feels like I just live in more guilt and saddness..even if it hurts. But don't wanna live like that!! What I do?
Ans: Dear Work,
Focus in any area of Life comes only when you realize WHY you are doing WHAT you are doing in that area.
For eg: If you decide to lose weight and just randomly join the gym without understanding WHY you are in the gym, a few days later, you will drop out. Mind you, that LOSING WEIGHT is not your reason; WHY do you want to lose that weight is the only thing that will keep you focused and motivated.
Hence, if you are giving into short term distractions, then obviously whatever it is that you are doing is not interesting you and so you get easily distracted.
Take one area of your life at a time; drop your goals in paper and mark a strong WHY against each. If it isn't motivating you enough, go back to the Drawing Board and do the exercise until you find that fire in your belly.

All the best!
Anu Krishna
Mind Coach|NLP Trainer|Author
Drop in: www.unfear.io
Reach me: Facebook: anukrish07/ AND LinkedIn: anukrishna-joyofserving/

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