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Ramalingam

Ramalingam Kalirajan  |7367 Answers  |Ask -

Mutual Funds, Financial Planning Expert - Answered on May 22, 2024

Ramalingam Kalirajan has over 23 years of experience in mutual funds and financial planning.
He has an MBA in finance from the University of Madras and is a certified financial planner.
He is the director and chief financial planner at Holistic Investment, a Chennai-based firm that offers financial planning and wealth management advice.... more
Sneha Question by Sneha on May 22, 2024Hindi
Money

Hello sir this is Sneha here .I have invested in ICICI MUDCAP FIND,HDFC SAMPOORNA NIVESH ,SBI RETIRE EARLY ,SBI E WEATH,HDFC GURANTEED RETURN,SBI RD,POST OFFICE RD .IN ALL I INVEST 22500 MONTHY IN ALL ABOVE SCHEMES. SHOULD I ADD ANYTHING ELSE TO MY PORTFOLIO

Ans: Hello Sneha, it’s wonderful to see your proactive approach to investing. Your monthly investments of ?22,500 across various schemes indicate a commendable dedication to securing your financial future. Let's evaluate your portfolio and explore additional opportunities to enhance your financial strategy.

Current Investment Portfolio
Overview of Your Investments
You have diversified your investments across mutual funds, recurring deposits, and guaranteed return schemes. Here’s a summary of your current portfolio:

ICICI Midcap Fund
HDFC Sampoorna Nivesh
SBI Retire Early
SBI e-Wealth
HDFC Guaranteed Return
SBI RD
Post Office RD
Each investment serves a different purpose and adds a layer of security and growth potential to your portfolio.

Evaluation of Your Portfolio
Equity Investments
ICICI Midcap Fund: Midcap funds generally offer higher growth potential but come with higher volatility.
HDFC Sampoorna Nivesh: This provides a balanced approach, combining equity and debt.
SBI Retire Early: Aims at building a retirement corpus with a mix of equity and debt.
SBI e-Wealth: Likely a digital investment platform offering various mutual fund options.
Debt Investments
HDFC Guaranteed Return: Provides a fixed return, adding stability to your portfolio.
SBI RD: Recurring Deposits offer steady, risk-free returns.
Post Office RD: Another safe, government-backed saving option.
Recommendations for Portfolio Enhancement
Add More Diversified Equity Funds
Equity funds offer significant growth potential over the long term. Consider adding more diversified equity funds, such as large-cap or multi-cap funds, to balance your midcap exposure.

Increase SIP Investments
Systematic Investment Plans (SIPs) in mutual funds help in averaging out market volatility. Increasing your SIP contributions in diversified equity funds can enhance your growth potential.

Consider Hybrid Funds
Hybrid funds, which invest in a mix of equity and debt, can provide balanced growth and reduce risk. They are ideal for long-term goals like retirement planning.

Explore International Funds
Adding international funds to your portfolio can provide geographical diversification, reducing risk associated with the Indian market alone.

Ensure Adequate Emergency Fund
Maintain an emergency fund equivalent to 6-12 months of your monthly expenses in a liquid instrument like a savings account or liquid mutual fund.

Disadvantages of Insurance Cum Investment Plans
Lower Returns
Insurance cum investment plans often provide lower returns compared to pure investment products like mutual funds. These plans mix insurance and investment, leading to compromises in both areas.

Lack of Flexibility
These plans are generally less flexible. You may face penalties or reduced benefits if you need to withdraw funds early or discontinue the plan.

Higher Costs
The fees and charges associated with insurance cum investment plans can be higher, eating into your overall returns. Premium allocation charges, policy administration fees, and fund management charges are common.

Complicated Structure
These plans can be complex, making it hard to understand how much of your money is going towards insurance and how much towards investment. This lack of transparency can be a disadvantage.

Advantages of Mutual Funds Over Insurance Cum Investment Plans
Higher Returns
Mutual funds, particularly equity mutual funds, have the potential to offer higher returns compared to insurance cum investment plans, especially over the long term.

Flexibility
Mutual funds provide flexibility in terms of investment amount, withdrawal, and switching between different funds as per your financial goals and market conditions.

Transparency
Mutual funds are transparent about their fees, charges, and portfolio composition. This transparency helps you make informed decisions about your investments.

Professional Management
Mutual funds are managed by professional fund managers who have expertise in selecting and managing investments to maximize returns.

Tax Efficiency
Certain mutual funds, like ELSS, offer tax benefits under Section 80C, making them tax-efficient investment options.

Conclusion
Your current investment strategy is well-rounded, incorporating various asset classes. To further strengthen your portfolio, consider adding diversified equity funds, increasing your SIP contributions, and exploring international funds. Additionally, maintaining a robust emergency fund is crucial.

Mutual funds generally offer better returns, flexibility, and transparency compared to insurance cum investment plans. By focusing more on mutual funds and less on insurance cum investment plans, you can maximize your returns and achieve your financial goals more effectively.

Best Regards,

K. Ramalingam, MBA, CFP,

Chief Financial Planner,

www.holisticinvestment.in
DISCLAIMER: The content of this post by the expert is the personal view of the rediffGURU. Users are advised to pursue the information provided by the rediffGURU only as a source of information to be as a point of reference and to rely on their own judgement when making a decision.
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Ramalingam

Ramalingam Kalirajan  |7367 Answers  |Ask -

Mutual Funds, Financial Planning Expert - Answered on May 29, 2024

Asked by Anonymous - Sep 05, 2023Hindi
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Hi sir I m currently investing 7500 in HDFC balanced advantage 2500 in SBI small cap 2500 in Parag Parikh flexi cap 2500 in kotak emerging midcap kindly advise shall I continue or change or add anything else to my portfolio I am 37 years old and looking to save for retirement I can invest 20k per month
Ans: Evaluation of Current Portfolio and Recommendations for Retirement Planning

Assessment of Current Investments

Your current investment portfolio reflects a thoughtful allocation across different fund categories, including balanced advantage, small-cap, and flexi-cap funds. This diversification is essential for managing risk and optimizing returns.

Analysis of Fund Selection

Each fund in your portfolio serves a specific purpose, whether it's capital preservation, growth potential, or a blend of both. The balanced advantage fund provides dynamic asset allocation, while small-cap and mid-cap funds offer exposure to companies with high growth potential.

Evaluation of Retirement Goals

At 37 years old, planning for retirement is a prudent financial objective. With a monthly investment capacity of Rs. 20,000, you have the opportunity to build a substantial corpus over time to support your retirement lifestyle.

Assessment of Risk Tolerance and Time Horizon

Considering your age and long-term investment horizon until retirement, you can afford to have a higher allocation to equity-oriented funds. However, it's essential to assess your risk tolerance to ensure your investment strategy aligns with your comfort level.

Recommendations for Portfolio Optimization

Increase Equity Exposure: Given your long-term retirement goal, consider increasing your allocation to equity funds gradually. Equity investments have historically provided higher returns over the long term, making them crucial for building retirement wealth.

Diversification Across Market Caps: While your current portfolio includes exposure to small-cap and flexi-cap funds, consider diversifying further by adding exposure to large-cap or multi-cap funds. This diversification can enhance portfolio stability and reduce concentration risk.

Regular Review and Rebalancing: Periodically review your portfolio to ensure it remains aligned with your retirement goals and risk tolerance. Rebalancing may be necessary to maintain the desired asset allocation, especially during market fluctuations.

Professional Guidance: As a Certified Financial Planner (CFP), I recommend consulting with a qualified financial advisor to tailor your investment strategy based on your individual circumstances, goals, and risk profile. A professional advisor can provide personalized recommendations and ongoing support to help you achieve your retirement objectives.

Conclusion

In conclusion, your current investment portfolio reflects a balanced approach towards achieving your retirement goals. By increasing your equity exposure, diversifying across market caps, and regularly reviewing your portfolio, you can optimize your investment strategy for long-term wealth accumulation. Consulting with a professional advisor will further enhance your financial planning journey and increase the likelihood of achieving a comfortable retirement.

Best Regards,

K. Ramalingam, MBA, CFP,

Chief Financial Planner,

www.holisticinvestment.in

..Read more

Ramalingam

Ramalingam Kalirajan  |7367 Answers  |Ask -

Mutual Funds, Financial Planning Expert - Answered on May 07, 2024

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Money
Hello Sir/Madam, I am 32 years old and just now started investing 20k per month for long term horizon with step up SIPs of 15% Below are my investment portfolio. Quant Mid Cap Fund 4000 rs. Parag Parikh Flexi Cap Fund 4000rs Motilal Oswal Nifty Microcap 250 Index Fund 3000rs Quant Small Cap Fund 4000rs Nippon India Multi Cap Fund 5000rs Please provide your valuable suggestion, feebav
Ans: Your investment journey reflects a thoughtful approach to building wealth for the long term. Here are some insights and suggestions on your investment portfolio:
Quant Mid Cap Fund:
• Mid-cap funds like Quant Mid Cap Fund have the potential for high growth but may experience higher volatility.
• Ensure you have a long-term investment horizon to ride out market fluctuations and benefit from the growth potential of mid-cap companies.
Parag Parikh Flexi Cap Fund:
• Parag Parikh Flexi Cap Fund follows a flexible investment strategy, allowing exposure to various market segments, including equities and fixed income.
• This fund's diversified approach can provide stability to your portfolio while capturing growth opportunities across different market conditions.
Motilal Oswal Nifty Microcap 250 Index Fund:
• Investing in micro-cap companies through an index fund like Motilal Oswal Nifty Microcap 250 Index Fund offers broad exposure to the micro-cap segment of the market.
• Micro-cap stocks have the potential for significant growth but may be more volatile and less liquid compared to larger-cap stocks.
Quant Small Cap Fund:
• Small-cap funds like Quant Small Cap Fund focus on smaller companies with high growth potential.
• Small-cap investments can be volatile, so ensure you have a sufficiently long investment horizon and risk tolerance to withstand market fluctuations.
Nippon India Multi Cap Fund:
• Multi-cap funds like Nippon India Multi Cap Fund offer diversification across large, mid, and small-cap stocks.
• This fund's flexible allocation allows the fund manager to adapt to changing market conditions and capitalize on opportunities across different market segments.
Suggestions:
1. Diversification: Your portfolio exhibits diversification across different market segments, which is beneficial for managing risk and capturing growth opportunities. Continue to monitor the performance of each fund regularly.
2. Review and Rebalance: Periodically review your portfolio's performance and rebalance if necessary to ensure it remains aligned with your financial goals and risk tolerance.
3. Stay Informed: Stay updated on market trends, economic developments, and fund performance to make informed investment decisions.
4. Emergency Fund and Insurance: Ensure you have an adequate emergency fund equivalent to 3-6 months of living expenses and consider purchasing health insurance and term insurance coverage to protect yourself and your loved ones.
5. Consultation: Consider consulting with a Certified Financial Planner to develop a comprehensive financial plan tailored to your goals, risk tolerance, and investment horizon.
Overall, your investment portfolio shows a well-rounded approach to long-term wealth creation. By staying disciplined and adhering to your investment strategy, you're likely to achieve your financial objectives over time. Keep up the good work!

..Read more

Moneywize

Moneywize   |174 Answers  |Ask -

Financial Planner - Answered on Aug 21, 2024

Asked by Anonymous - Aug 20, 2024Hindi
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I am 40 years old woman working in an MNC. I earn Rs 80,000 as my salary per month out of which Rs 40,000 are my monthly expenses. My goal at retirement is Rs 4 crore. I am investing 20k through SIP in the following Funds: J M Flexi Cap -- 6k Kotak Multi Cap -- 6k Motilal Oswal Mid-cap -- 6k Quant Large and Mid-cap Fund -- 6k Nippon Small Cap Fund -- 6k All my investments are in Direct Funds. My investment period is anywhere between 15 to 20 years and I have a very high-risk appetite. Please advise if I should hold or add new schemes to my portfolio.
Ans: Your current investment strategy shows a well-diversified approach, with a focus on equity funds across various market capitalisations. Given your high-risk appetite and the long investment horizon of 15 to 20 years, you’re positioned to potentially achieve significant growth. However, a few considerations could help optimise your portfolio:

Review of Current Portfolio

1. Diversification: Your current SIP investments cover a broad spectrum of the equity market. You have a mix of large-cap, mid-cap, and small-cap funds, which is generally a good approach to capitalise on different market segments.
2. Fund Selection: The funds you’ve chosen are reputable, but it’s always good to periodically review their performance, fund manager’s track record, and any changes in the fund’s strategy.

Recommendations

a. Review and Rebalance:

1. Performance Check: Periodically review the performance of each fund to ensure they meet your expectations. A fund that has underperformed relative to its benchmark or peers over a significant period might be worth reconsidering.
2. Fund Manager Changes: Be mindful of any changes in the fund management team or strategy. Significant changes might impact the fund’s future performance.

b. Adding New Schemes:

1. Diversification Beyond Equities: Given your high-risk appetite, you might still want to consider diversifying into other asset classes, such as international equities or alternative investments (like REITs or commodities) to reduce risk and enhance returns.
2. Sector-Specific Funds: If you have a strong conviction about specific sectors (like technology, healthcare, etc.), you could consider adding sector-specific funds. However, ensure that your overall portfolio remains diversified.

c. Regular Investments and Adjustments:

1. Increase SIP Amount: As your salary increases or if you find yourself with additional savings, consider increasing your SIP amounts to maximise the compounding effect.
2. Periodic Review: Review your portfolio at least annually. This allows you to adjust for market conditions, personal financial changes, or shifts in investment goals.

d. Consider Tax Efficiency:

1. Tax Planning: Equity mutual funds are generally tax-efficient due to long-term capital gains (LTCG) benefits. However, ensure you are utilising tax-saving investment options like Equity-Linked Savings Schemes (ELSS) if applicable, to optimise your tax liabilities.

e. Example Funds to Consider

If you decide to add new schemes, here are a few types you might consider:

1. International Equity Funds: To gain exposure to global markets.
2. Sectoral/Thematic Funds: If you have a high conviction in specific sectors.
3. Balanced Advantage Funds: For a blend of equity and debt, though this might be less aggressive.

f. Action Plan

1. Continue with your SIPs, but review the performance and consider adding exposure to other asset classes or geographies.
2. Increase your SIP amount gradually as your financial situation improves.
3. Consult a Financial Advisor periodically to ensure your investment strategy aligns with your retirement goals and risk tolerance.
4. Overall, your approach seems sound, but keeping a flexible and informed stance will help you adapt to any changes in the market or your personal financial situation.

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Latest Questions
Ramalingam

Ramalingam Kalirajan  |7367 Answers  |Ask -

Mutual Funds, Financial Planning Expert - Answered on Dec 28, 2024

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Requesting you, to help me, regarding midcap 150 etf of mirae asset midcap 150 etf for longterm through SIP
Ans: Let us review the suitability of investing in a mid-cap 150 ETF for the long term via SIP.

Understanding ETFs and Their Characteristics
Passive Management: Midcap ETFs replicate an index like the Nifty Midcap 150.

Cost Efficiency: They offer lower expense ratios compared to actively managed funds.

No Active Decision Making: They do not try to outperform the market but track the index.

Volatility Concerns: Midcap indices are more volatile than large-cap indices.

Returns Depend on Index: The ETF's performance mirrors the performance of its benchmark.

Disadvantages of Investing in Midcap ETFs
Lack of Active Management
Mid-cap stocks are highly volatile.

Active fund managers can adjust portfolios to limit risks during downturns.

ETFs lack this flexibility, as they strictly follow the index composition.

Limited Flexibility in Rebalancing
Market conditions often demand sector rotation or stock-specific decisions.

Actively managed funds adapt to such conditions, but ETFs cannot.

Tracking Errors
ETFs may not perfectly replicate the index due to tracking errors.

This can affect returns, especially over the long term.

Why Actively Managed Funds May Be Better
Fund Manager Expertise
Skilled managers can outperform the index by selecting high-growth stocks.

They can mitigate risks in falling markets through tactical decisions.

Flexibility in Stock Selection
Active funds are not limited to a predefined basket of stocks.

Managers can select fundamentally strong stocks beyond the index.

Potential for Higher Returns
Actively managed funds have historically outperformed midcap indices over long periods.

This makes them a better choice for wealth creation in the mid-cap segment.

Recommendations for Long-Term Mid-Cap Investments
Diversify: Include actively managed mid-cap funds instead of relying solely on an ETF.

Professional Guidance: Invest in regular plans via a Certified Financial Planner.

Monitor Performance: Review fund performance every 6–12 months.

Manage Risk: Avoid overexposure to mid-cap investments due to their volatility.

Final Insights
While Mirae Asset Midcap 150 ETF is a low-cost option, it has limitations.

Active mid-cap funds can better navigate market volatility.

They provide the flexibility and expertise required for wealth creation.

For long-term SIPs, consider balanced exposure to actively managed funds. This ensures both growth and risk management over time.

Best Regards,

K. Ramalingam, MBA, CFP,

Chief Financial Planner,

www.holisticinvestment.in
https://www.youtube.com/@HolisticInvestment

...Read more

Ramalingam

Ramalingam Kalirajan  |7367 Answers  |Ask -

Mutual Funds, Financial Planning Expert - Answered on Dec 28, 2024

Money
Dear sir, I am 50 years old and working in private sector MNC 1.5 Lakhs on hand. My job security is very less. I have two kids aged 18, 14 years old. My wife is housewife. I have 80L in Mutual funds and 20L in stocks, Bank deposits 40L. I am investing in SIP in below Mutual funds all direct growth around 57000 pm. CR Bule chip fund, MA Large and Midcap, HDFC smallcap each 5000 pm (15000) step up 2000 every 6months. Invesco Infra, JM Value fund, Nippon India Multicap, Small cap, Parag parekh Flexi cap, Quant Small cap, Mid cap each 6000 pm (42000), all these SIPs started recently from June 2024. Some Lumpsum in Axis smallcap 6L, Bandan core Equity 3L, CR Smallcap 8L, DSP smallcap 4L,HSBC Flexicap 3.5, HSBC Smallcap 3L, ICICI Pru Infra 3.5L, Value discovery 3L, Invesco Large & Midcap 2L, JM Flexicap 1L, Motilal Oswal Midcap 8L, SBI Bluechip 7L, Infrastructure 2L, Sundaram Smallcap 3L My expenses per month are 1.2 Lakh. I don't have loans/EMIs. Please advice me for my retirement life which need at least 1.5L per month, my kids education expenses, and also advice to my Portfolio. Thanks and regards, Yours sincerely, Purushotham Thati
Ans: Your current portfolio and investment habits show a good start. Let us evaluate your financial standing, address your goals, and provide suggestions for optimisation.

Assessment of Your Current Financial Position
Income and Expenses: You have a monthly income of Rs. 1.5 lakh and expenses of Rs. 1.2 lakh. This leaves a surplus of Rs. 30,000 per month.

Investment Corpus: Your existing corpus includes Rs. 80 lakh in mutual funds, Rs. 20 lakh in stocks, and Rs. 40 lakh in bank deposits.

SIP Contributions: You are investing Rs. 57,000 monthly across multiple mutual funds.

Lump Sum Investments: You have allocated significant lump sums to small-cap, flexi-cap, and thematic funds.

Goals: Your goals include securing Rs. 1.5 lakh monthly for retirement and funding your children's education.

Planning for Retirement
Corpus Required
You aim for Rs. 1.5 lakh per month during retirement.

Factor in inflation to estimate future monthly expenses.

The current corpus and SIPs must grow consistently to meet this goal.

Recommendations
Maintain a balanced allocation between equity and debt for steady growth.

Avoid excessive concentration in small-cap and thematic funds, which are volatile.

Increase exposure to balanced and flexi-cap funds for stability.

Planning for Children’s Education
Current Needs
Your children are aged 18 and 14, which implies upcoming higher education expenses.

Plan for expenses within the next 4–8 years.

Recommendations
Create a dedicated education fund for both children.

Use debt-oriented hybrid funds or short-term debt funds for near-term goals.

Ensure part of your mutual fund corpus is earmarked for this purpose.

Portfolio Review and Suggestions
Strengths of the Portfolio
Disciplined SIP Investments: Investing Rs. 57,000 monthly shows financial discipline.

Diversification: Exposure to various categories like large-cap, mid-cap, small-cap, and thematic funds.

Areas for Improvement
Excessive Small-Cap Allocation: High exposure to small-cap funds increases volatility.

Thematic Fund Overlap: Thematic funds like infrastructure may lead to concentration risks.

Direct Fund Investments: Direct funds lack professional guidance and ongoing monitoring.

Portfolio Optimisation
Consolidate funds to reduce over-diversification and improve focus.

Shift some SIPs to balanced advantage or hybrid funds for stability.

Review and replace underperforming funds periodically.

Invest through a Certified Financial Planner to benefit from professional advice.

Optimising Lumpsum Investments
Review the performance of your lump sum investments.

Redeploy underperforming small-cap and thematic funds into balanced funds.

Keep a portion of your bank deposits in liquid funds for emergencies.

Avoid high allocations to sectoral or cyclical funds due to their dependency on market conditions.

Tax Planning
Long-term capital gains on equity mutual funds above Rs. 1.25 lakh are taxed at 12.5%.

Short-term capital gains on equity funds are taxed at 20%.

Debt mutual funds are taxed as per your income tax slab.

Plan redemptions considering these rules to minimise tax liabilities.

Emergency Fund Allocation
Maintain at least 6–12 months of expenses in liquid funds or fixed deposits.

This ensures financial security given your low job security.

Allocate Rs. 15–20 lakh from your bank deposits for this purpose.

Recommendations for SIPs
Reduce exposure to small-cap and thematic funds.

Increase allocation to large-cap and multi-cap funds for stability.

Consider balanced advantage funds to manage market volatility.

Step-up SIPs only after assessing fund performance.

Final Insights
Your financial foundation is strong, but optimisation is essential.

Prioritise stability and diversification in your portfolio.

Allocate funds separately for retirement and children’s education.

Maintain a robust emergency fund to handle uncertainties.

Seek professional advice to streamline and monitor your investments.

Consistent review and disciplined investing will help you achieve financial independence and secure your family’s future.

Best Regards,

K. Ramalingam, MBA, CFP,

Chief Financial Planner,

www.holisticinvestment.in
https://www.youtube.com/@HolisticInvestment

...Read more

Milind

Milind Vadjikar  |807 Answers  |Ask -

Insurance, Stocks, MF, PF Expert - Answered on Dec 28, 2024

Asked by Anonymous - Dec 28, 2024Hindi
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Retiremen advice I am 50 yrs old single with recurring and chronic health issues. I would like to retire and I have 2 crore in FD 1 crore in stock and mutual funds I also own a home and a flat both are free of debt. Please advice me to restructure my assets and have a peaceful retirement. My tax consultant told me I can get up to 3 lakhs per month with 3 cr invested in stocks and mutual funds How realistic is it possible and how to montage the downside risks associated with it. I had been a victim of Franklin Templeton debt funds during covid and I do not trust Mutual funds houses or its manages as before.
Ans: Hello;

It is impossible to get 3 L per month with 3 Cr corpus in mutual funds, unless you are ready to deplete the corpus completely over 10-12 years.

Since you were impacted with Franklin Templeton debt funds issue earlier, I recommend you to buy an immediate annuity from a life insurance company for a sum of 2.8 Cr.

You may chose annuity for life with return of purchase price to your nominee.

It may yield you a post tax monthly income of around 1.1 L+.

After fulfilling your regular expenses you may begin a monthly sip of 10-15 K in any equity fund.

The corpus that this investment will generate over 10-15 years may be used to top-up annuity and hence monthly payouts to account for rise in the inflation.

You may keep balance 20 L corpus in savings account as emergency fund.

Although the Franklin Templeton debt fund issue was difficult for the unitholders of those funds, the alacrity and surgical precision with which SEBI handled that issue and ensured all investors get their money back was commendable.

We cannot control human behaviour but we have extremely robust system of checks and balances in regulation of our MF industry to safeguard investor interests at all costs even if some negative event occurs.

Seek help from a mutual fund distributor or an investment advisor for help, if required.

Best wishes;
X: @mars_invest

...Read more

Anu

Anu Krishna  |1414 Answers  |Ask -

Relationships Expert, Mind Coach - Answered on Dec 28, 2024

Asked by Anonymous - Dec 27, 2024Hindi
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I live in a joint family with my brother and parents. I’ve been having a hard time managing my relationship with my bhabhi (sister-in-law). We live in the same house, and things have been tense lately. I’ve always tried to be polite and respectful, but there are constant little misunderstandings between us, and it’s starting to affect my peace of mind. We both want to keep things cordial for the family’s sake, but it feels like there’s always some tension whenever we interact. The problem is, I tend to get defensive whenever she says something I don’t agree with, and I know it’s only making things worse. I’m also trying to stay calm in front of everyone, but it’s hard not to let these small issues build up in my head. I really don’t want to keep feeling frustrated, but I don’t know how to change my approach. I love my brother and I want to improve the atmosphere at home and make sure I’m not letting these things affect me so much. Please help.
Ans: Dear Anonymous,
Joint family systems are filled with adventure and these things that you have brought up are part of that adventure.
Take things as they come and make sure you train yourself not to react...is this possible? YES, it is!
Let's say your Bhabhi accuses you of something, maybe your first reaction is to get defensive and explain or argue. Instead, what if you trained yourself to say: Okay, she's again accusing me of something; let's see what is the new thing that she has invented and let me have fun by simply listening.

This will ensure that your part of adventure gets playful and it will also enable you to respond rather than react. Now, does this happen overnight? NO, it requires a lot of mind training but start somewhere to get to someplace different.

All the best!
Anu Krishna
Mind Coach|NLP Trainer|Author
Drop in: www.unfear.io
Reach me: Facebook: anukrish07/ AND LinkedIn: anukrishna-joyofserving/

...Read more

Anu

Anu Krishna  |1414 Answers  |Ask -

Relationships Expert, Mind Coach - Answered on Dec 28, 2024

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Relationship
Hi, I Am 26(M). I had an arranged marriage, my wife had a pre-marital affair which continued even after our engagement and for 9 months of marriage. According to my wife, she met him once and he wanted to have sex but my wife didn't do it. (The used to chat on Instagram). I found out today after 2 years of marriage. And we just had a baby. My wife asked me to use Instagram after we got engaged, but I refused because I was afraid it would have a bad effect on her. I don't even use it cause I know what can go wrong. When I caught her red-handed and saw the man's chats, I took her phone. And then I had read a little chat, then my wife came to me and said that she had to call our maid. I gave her the phone and she not only spoke on the phone but also deleted the chats with the guy. My eyes were closed when she spoke to maid on the phone. Cause I was so tired. Then I asked my wife to talk to him in front of me because I wanted to teach him a lesson and find his fiancée and tell her the truth. I'm very loyal to my wife. And she was my world. I've never had a girlfriend. I am open minded and I had asked my wife before the engagement, after the engagement on the phone and even after the marriage that if she had a past, I will accept it. My wife messaged him and he asked her talk on video call. The guy also knows that we have just had a baby who is not even 1 month old. I turned on the screen recording of the video call and gave it to my wife. In that screen recording, my wife texted the guy and told him to talk carefully cause I was sitting in front of her and then deleted the message with option of 'delete for you' on Instagram. This is how my wife cheated on me 2 times even after being caught. She told me that she loved me later on. And she took great care of me. She brought me out of depression. She did everything and I also loved her with all my heart and did everything for her. Right now she is saying I forgive her and she wants to live with me like before. She apologized a ton as well. But I don't know what to do at the moment. After so many lies, I can't trust her easily. She has a habit of lying in small things as well. I want to live with her, she was my support, my mother is not even there. when I was 12 years old... Now what do I do? Please kindly guide me!
Ans: Dear LoneKnight,
Yes, you feel like your trust has been broken. Is it easy to build back that trust? Yes and No...Yes, if you wish to...No, if you don't wish to...
If you go back in time and play the same story about how you wife was on Instagram and how she 'cheated' on you, there is no way that you can put your marriage back together.
How are you open-minded when an Instagram account causes you to fear what will happen? I can understand that you are a person with no past girlfriends but people do come with a past. Now, your wife could have shared her past with you, but most women seem to not want to for fear of reaction from the men like you have now. I can see that all this has hurt you, but if you want this marriage to work, you are going to have to drop all the past baggage, yours and your wife's and start afresh. Which means taking things for what it is NOW at face value without doubting it.
Can you do that? My suggestion would be: make an honest attempt at it. But warn yourself against going back in to the past otherwise there will be more mud throwing and no solution in sight.
Start new, Start afresh...

All the best!
Anu Krishna
Mind Coach|NLP Trainer|Author
Drop in: www.unfear.io
Reach me: Facebook: anukrish07/ AND LinkedIn: anukrishna-joyofserving/
Asked on - Dec 28, 2024 | Answered on Dec 28, 2024
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Thanks You Very Much Ma'am For Your Answer. The Reason For Not Using Instagram Was Cause I Didn't Wanted To Look At Any Other Women Instead Of Her. My Intentions Were Pure. Also I Didn't wanted a thing which can spark of cheating so there will be no fire. I am open minded I told her I will accept it. Problem is that affair continued even after engagement and marriage (till 9 months of marriage) But today's condition is that i think she has lost interest. We have tradition inwhich wife goes to their home and stay for 2-3 months. Her mother has been so influential from beginning so am telling her to comeback. She is not ready to comeback even when I am sick. I told her to come back for at least 4-5 days so we can talk. I am afraid she will mindwash her. And I can see that. I have given the best possible time yet she is complaining that I don't give time. When I told her to come back she overeated that she will never go there and that. She wasn't like this. She was with me in my everything. I am so confused. I have forgiven & forgotten everything about the past still... What do you suggest ma'am???
Ans: Dear LoneKnight,
I have already made my suggestions in the initial response. Start afresh and wipe the slate clean. Rebuilding trust cannot happen overnight, so give the marriage a fair GO.
What you have shared again are problems and when you stay in that Zone, you will only be able to focus on problems. When there is an intention to solve the issue, the prerequisite is to move away from all the things that have gone wrong/bad and all the things that you think will go wrong/bad. That's the only way to solve problems. So my suggestions are still the same.

All the best!
Anu Krishna
Mind Coach|NLP Trainer|Author
Drop in: www.unfear.io
Reach me: Facebook: anukrish07/ AND LinkedIn: anukrishna-joyofserving/

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