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Ramalingam

Ramalingam Kalirajan  |7367 Answers  |Ask -

Mutual Funds, Financial Planning Expert - Answered on May 17, 2024

Ramalingam Kalirajan has over 23 years of experience in mutual funds and financial planning.
He has an MBA in finance from the University of Madras and is a certified financial planner.
He is the director and chief financial planner at Holistic Investment, a Chennai-based firm that offers financial planning and wealth management advice.... more
Asked by Anonymous - Apr 26, 2024Hindi
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Hello sir, I am just new in sip. I wanted to what will be the best way to start? Which ones to choose to get good returns in long term? My risk appetite is medium or above. Thank you

Ans: Starting Your SIP Journey: A Guide for New Investors
Welcome to the world of SIPs! Starting your SIP journey is an exciting step towards building wealth for the future. Let's explore the best way for you to begin and identify suitable investment options for achieving good returns over the long term.


Congratulations on taking the initiative to start your SIP journey! Your decision to invest in SIPs demonstrates a proactive approach towards securing your financial future.

Understanding Your Investment Goals and Risk Appetite
Investment Goals:
Define your financial goals and objectives, considering factors such as retirement planning, wealth creation, or education funding.
Establishing clear investment goals will help you select SIPs that align with your objectives.
Risk Appetite:
Assess your risk tolerance to determine your comfort level with market volatility.
Since you indicate a medium to high risk appetite, you may consider equity-oriented SIPs for potentially higher returns.
Choosing SIPs for Long-Term Growth
Equity Mutual Funds:
Equity mutual funds have historically delivered higher returns over the long term compared to other asset classes.
Consider diversified equity funds, large-cap funds, multi-cap funds, or thematic funds based on your risk appetite and investment horizon.
Balanced Funds:
Balanced funds, also known as hybrid funds, offer a mix of equity and debt investments, providing a balanced approach to risk and return.
These funds can be suitable for investors seeking moderate risk exposure with relatively stable returns.
Thematic Funds:
Thematic funds invest in specific sectors or themes, offering exposure to emerging trends or industries.
While thematic funds can potentially generate higher returns, they also carry higher risk due to concentrated exposure.
Constructing Your SIP Portfolio
Diversification:
Maintain a well-diversified SIP portfolio across different asset classes, sectors, and fund categories to reduce risk.
Avoid concentration in any single investment or sector to mitigate the impact of market fluctuations.
Regular Review and Rebalancing:
Periodically review your SIP portfolio to assess performance and ensure alignment with your financial goals.
Consider rebalancing your portfolio if necessary to maintain the desired asset allocation.
Getting Started with SIPs
Selecting SIPs:
Research and shortlist mutual funds based on their track record, fund manager expertise, investment philosophy, and risk-adjusted returns.
Consult with a Certified Financial Planner to identify SIPs that align with your financial goals and risk profile.
Systematic Investing:
Start your SIPs with an amount you are comfortable investing regularly, considering your cash flow and financial obligations.
Set up SIPs for a fixed amount at regular intervals (e.g., monthly or quarterly) to benefit from rupee cost averaging.
Conclusion: Embarking on Your SIP Journey
Starting your SIP journey requires careful consideration of your investment goals, risk appetite, and fund selection. By choosing suitable SIPs aligned with your long-term financial goals and regularly monitoring your portfolio's performance, you can lay a solid foundation for wealth creation.

Best Regards,
K. Ramalingam, MBA, CFP,

Chief Financial Planner,

www.holisticinvestment.in
DISCLAIMER: The content of this post by the expert is the personal view of the rediffGURU. Users are advised to pursue the information provided by the rediffGURU only as a source of information to be as a point of reference and to rely on their own judgement when making a decision.
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Ramalingam

Ramalingam Kalirajan  |7367 Answers  |Ask -

Mutual Funds, Financial Planning Expert - Answered on Apr 27, 2024

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I am willing to invest INR 12500 in SIP for next 10 to 15 years. Kindly advise for best SIP for good return.
Ans: investing in SIPs (Systematic Investment Plans) is a smart way to build wealth over the long term. With a time horizon of 10 to 15 years, you have the opportunity to benefit from the power of compounding and potentially higher returns from equity investments. Here's a suggestion for a diversified SIP portfolio:

Large Cap Fund: Allocate a significant portion of your SIP amount to a large-cap fund. These funds invest in established companies with a proven track record and offer stability to your portfolio.
Flexi Cap Fund: Opt for a flexi-cap fund that provides the flexibility to invest across companies of various market capitalizations based on market conditions. This offers exposure to both large, mid, and small-cap segments, enhancing diversification.
Mid Cap Fund: Allocate a portion of your SIP to a mid-cap fund, focusing on companies with medium market capitalization. Mid-cap companies have the potential for significant growth, providing an opportunity for higher returns over the long term.
Small Cap Fund (Optional): Depending on your risk appetite, you may consider including a small-cap fund in your portfolio. These funds invest in smaller companies with the potential for rapid growth, albeit with higher volatility.
By focusing on large-cap, flexi-cap, and mid-cap funds, you create a well-diversified SIP portfolio that balances stability with growth potential. Before finalizing your investment decisions, assess your risk tolerance and consult with a Certified Financial Planner to ensure your portfolio aligns with your long-term financial goals. Remember to stay disciplined and review your portfolio periodically to make any necessary adjustments.

..Read more

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Ramalingam

Ramalingam Kalirajan  |7367 Answers  |Ask -

Mutual Funds, Financial Planning Expert - Answered on May 17, 2024

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My age is 34 and I want to start SIP. Please suggest me some options for good returns and risk level average
Ans: Starting Your SIP Journey at Age 34
Starting a Systematic Investment Plan (SIP) at age 34 is a smart move for long-term wealth creation. A balanced approach, considering your desire for good returns with average risk, is essential.

Understanding SIPs and Their Benefits
Rupee Cost Averaging: SIPs help average out the purchase cost by buying more units when prices are low and fewer when prices are high.
Compounding: Regular investments over time allow your returns to compound, significantly growing your wealth.
Discipline: SIPs enforce a disciplined investment approach, as money is deducted automatically from your account.
Suggested SIP Portfolio
A well-balanced portfolio should include a mix of large-cap, mid-cap, small-cap, and hybrid funds. Here’s a suggested allocation:

1. Large-Cap Funds
Large-cap funds invest in well-established companies with a strong track record. They are less volatile and provide steady returns.

Example Allocation: 30% of your total SIP amount

2. Mid-Cap Funds
Mid-cap funds invest in medium-sized companies with high growth potential. They are more volatile than large-cap funds but can offer higher returns.

Example Allocation: 20% of your total SIP amount

3. Small-Cap Funds
Small-cap funds invest in smaller companies that can offer high returns but come with higher risk. They should be a smaller portion of your portfolio.

Example Allocation: 15% of your total SIP amount

4. Flexi-Cap Funds
Flexi-cap funds invest across market capitalizations (large, mid, and small caps). This provides diversification and balances risk and return.

Example Allocation: 20% of your total SIP amount

5. Hybrid Funds
Hybrid funds invest in both equity and debt instruments, providing a balanced approach with moderate risk and stable returns.

Example Allocation: 15% of your total SIP amount

Sample SIP Allocation
Assuming a monthly SIP investment of ?10,000, here’s how you can allocate:

Large-Cap Fund: ?3,000
Mid-Cap Fund: ?2,000
Small-Cap Fund: ?1,500
Flexi-Cap Fund: ?2,000
Hybrid Fund: ?1,500
Recommended Funds
1. Large-Cap Fund
Benefits: Stability, steady returns
Example: An actively managed large-cap fund
2. Mid-Cap Fund
Benefits: High growth potential
Example: An actively managed mid-cap fund
3. Small-Cap Fund
Benefits: High returns
Example: An actively managed small-cap fund
4. Flexi-Cap Fund
Benefits: Diversification across market caps
Example: A well-performing flexi-cap fund
5. Hybrid Fund
Benefits: Balanced risk and return
Example: A balanced or hybrid fund
Importance of Actively Managed Funds
Actively managed funds can outperform the market due to professional management. Fund managers select stocks to maximize returns, which can be advantageous, especially in volatile markets.

Disadvantages of Index Funds
Index funds mirror the market index and lack flexibility to outperform in changing market conditions. Actively managed funds, however, can adapt to market changes, providing better growth potential.

Investing Through MFD with CFP Credential
Direct funds have lower expense ratios but require thorough research and monitoring. Investing through a Mutual Fund Distributor (MFD) with a Certified Financial Planner (CFP) provides professional guidance. This ensures optimized returns and effective risk management.

Regular Monitoring and Review
Annual Review: Assess the performance of your funds annually. Make adjustments based on market conditions and personal financial goals.
Rebalancing: Ensure your portfolio remains aligned with your risk tolerance and investment objectives through periodic rebalancing.
Conclusion
Starting a SIP at age 34 with a balanced portfolio is a wise decision for long-term financial growth. By diversifying across large-cap, mid-cap, small-cap, flexi-cap, and hybrid funds, you can achieve good returns with moderate risk. Regular monitoring and adjustments will keep your investments on track to meet your financial goals.

Best Regards,

K. Ramalingam, MBA, CFP,

Chief Financial Planner,

www.holisticinvestment.in

..Read more

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Ramalingam

Ramalingam Kalirajan  |7367 Answers  |Ask -

Mutual Funds, Financial Planning Expert - Answered on May 06, 2024

Asked by Anonymous - Apr 21, 2024Hindi
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Hi Mr Ramalingam. I want to start investing in sip. Can u tell me which ones I shud take. Every month I can do 12k on sip
Ans: hat's fantastic to hear you're interested in SIPs. It's a smart move towards building wealth gradually.

You've got a solid amount to invest each month, and SIPs are a great way to make that work for you.

Considering your budget, we can explore SIPs across various sectors to diversify your portfolio effectively.

Let's dive deeper into SIPs and how they can work for you.

With SIPs, your investment journey becomes a smooth ride. Instead of trying to time the market or worry about market fluctuations, you're making regular investments, regardless of market conditions.

Now, with your monthly investment capacity of 12k, we can strategize how to allocate these funds across different mutual fund categories.

Equity funds can offer the potential for significant returns over the long term, making them an attractive option for growth-oriented investors. However, they do come with higher volatility and risk.

On the other hand, debt funds provide stability and consistent returns, making them suitable for investors seeking steady income with lower risk.

Balanced funds combine elements of both equity and debt, striking a balance between growth potential and stability. This can be a good option for those looking for a middle ground in terms of risk and return.

By diversifying your SIP investments across these categories, you're spreading out your risk and maximizing the potential for returns.

Work closely with a certified financial planner and make him to understand your financial goals, risk tolerance, and investment horizon. Together, you'll select SIPs that align with your objectives and create a tailored investment strategy.

It's important to remember that investing is a long-term commitment. By staying disciplined and sticking to your SIPs, you're laying the groundwork for financial success. I'll be here every step of the way to provide guidance and support. Let's embark on this journey together!

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Ramalingam

Ramalingam Kalirajan  |7367 Answers  |Ask -

Mutual Funds, Financial Planning Expert - Answered on Jul 16, 2024

Asked by Anonymous - Jul 02, 2024Hindi
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I wanted to invest in SIP, but I dont have much of knowledge in it. Can anyone suggest some good funds and details aboit how to select the funds.
Ans: Investing in SIPs is a great choice for building wealth. SIPs allow you to invest a fixed amount regularly in mutual funds.

Evaluating Fund Options

Choosing the right funds is crucial. You should aim for a balanced portfolio with various fund types.

Benefits of Actively Managed Funds

Actively managed funds are handled by experts. These funds often perform better than index funds. The professional management helps in optimizing returns and reducing risks.

Disadvantages of Direct Funds

Direct funds require more knowledge and active management. They lack professional guidance. Investing through a Certified Financial Planner (CFP) ensures better decisions and better portfolio management.

Steps to Select Good Funds

Assess Your Goals: Understand your financial goals. This will help in choosing the right fund types.

Risk Appetite: Know your risk tolerance. Different funds have different risk levels.

Performance Track Record: Look at the fund's historical performance. Consistency over the years is key.

Fund Manager: Check the experience and track record of the fund manager. Experienced managers often deliver better results.

Expense Ratio: Lower expense ratios can lead to higher returns. But, ensure it doesn’t compromise on quality management.

Recommendations

Seek Professional Advice: Consult a CFP. They can guide you in selecting the best funds based on your goals and risk appetite.

Diversify: Invest in a mix of large-cap, mid-cap, and balanced funds. Diversification reduces risk and improves returns.

Final Insights

Investing in SIPs is a smart way to grow your wealth. Choose actively managed funds for better performance. Consult a Certified Financial Planner to ensure your investments align with your financial goals.

Best Regards,

K. Ramalingam, MBA, CFP,

Chief Financial Planner,

www.holisticinvestment.in

..Read more

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Latest Questions
Ramalingam

Ramalingam Kalirajan  |7367 Answers  |Ask -

Mutual Funds, Financial Planning Expert - Answered on Dec 28, 2024

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Requesting you, to help me, regarding midcap 150 etf of mirae asset midcap 150 etf for longterm through SIP
Ans: Let us review the suitability of investing in a mid-cap 150 ETF for the long term via SIP.

Understanding ETFs and Their Characteristics
Passive Management: Midcap ETFs replicate an index like the Nifty Midcap 150.

Cost Efficiency: They offer lower expense ratios compared to actively managed funds.

No Active Decision Making: They do not try to outperform the market but track the index.

Volatility Concerns: Midcap indices are more volatile than large-cap indices.

Returns Depend on Index: The ETF's performance mirrors the performance of its benchmark.

Disadvantages of Investing in Midcap ETFs
Lack of Active Management
Mid-cap stocks are highly volatile.

Active fund managers can adjust portfolios to limit risks during downturns.

ETFs lack this flexibility, as they strictly follow the index composition.

Limited Flexibility in Rebalancing
Market conditions often demand sector rotation or stock-specific decisions.

Actively managed funds adapt to such conditions, but ETFs cannot.

Tracking Errors
ETFs may not perfectly replicate the index due to tracking errors.

This can affect returns, especially over the long term.

Why Actively Managed Funds May Be Better
Fund Manager Expertise
Skilled managers can outperform the index by selecting high-growth stocks.

They can mitigate risks in falling markets through tactical decisions.

Flexibility in Stock Selection
Active funds are not limited to a predefined basket of stocks.

Managers can select fundamentally strong stocks beyond the index.

Potential for Higher Returns
Actively managed funds have historically outperformed midcap indices over long periods.

This makes them a better choice for wealth creation in the mid-cap segment.

Recommendations for Long-Term Mid-Cap Investments
Diversify: Include actively managed mid-cap funds instead of relying solely on an ETF.

Professional Guidance: Invest in regular plans via a Certified Financial Planner.

Monitor Performance: Review fund performance every 6–12 months.

Manage Risk: Avoid overexposure to mid-cap investments due to their volatility.

Final Insights
While Mirae Asset Midcap 150 ETF is a low-cost option, it has limitations.

Active mid-cap funds can better navigate market volatility.

They provide the flexibility and expertise required for wealth creation.

For long-term SIPs, consider balanced exposure to actively managed funds. This ensures both growth and risk management over time.

Best Regards,

K. Ramalingam, MBA, CFP,

Chief Financial Planner,

www.holisticinvestment.in
https://www.youtube.com/@HolisticInvestment

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Ramalingam

Ramalingam Kalirajan  |7367 Answers  |Ask -

Mutual Funds, Financial Planning Expert - Answered on Dec 28, 2024

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Dear sir, I am 50 years old and working in private sector MNC 1.5 Lakhs on hand. My job security is very less. I have two kids aged 18, 14 years old. My wife is housewife. I have 80L in Mutual funds and 20L in stocks, Bank deposits 40L. I am investing in SIP in below Mutual funds all direct growth around 57000 pm. CR Bule chip fund, MA Large and Midcap, HDFC smallcap each 5000 pm (15000) step up 2000 every 6months. Invesco Infra, JM Value fund, Nippon India Multicap, Small cap, Parag parekh Flexi cap, Quant Small cap, Mid cap each 6000 pm (42000), all these SIPs started recently from June 2024. Some Lumpsum in Axis smallcap 6L, Bandan core Equity 3L, CR Smallcap 8L, DSP smallcap 4L,HSBC Flexicap 3.5, HSBC Smallcap 3L, ICICI Pru Infra 3.5L, Value discovery 3L, Invesco Large & Midcap 2L, JM Flexicap 1L, Motilal Oswal Midcap 8L, SBI Bluechip 7L, Infrastructure 2L, Sundaram Smallcap 3L My expenses per month are 1.2 Lakh. I don't have loans/EMIs. Please advice me for my retirement life which need at least 1.5L per month, my kids education expenses, and also advice to my Portfolio. Thanks and regards, Yours sincerely, Purushotham Thati
Ans: Your current portfolio and investment habits show a good start. Let us evaluate your financial standing, address your goals, and provide suggestions for optimisation.

Assessment of Your Current Financial Position
Income and Expenses: You have a monthly income of Rs. 1.5 lakh and expenses of Rs. 1.2 lakh. This leaves a surplus of Rs. 30,000 per month.

Investment Corpus: Your existing corpus includes Rs. 80 lakh in mutual funds, Rs. 20 lakh in stocks, and Rs. 40 lakh in bank deposits.

SIP Contributions: You are investing Rs. 57,000 monthly across multiple mutual funds.

Lump Sum Investments: You have allocated significant lump sums to small-cap, flexi-cap, and thematic funds.

Goals: Your goals include securing Rs. 1.5 lakh monthly for retirement and funding your children's education.

Planning for Retirement
Corpus Required
You aim for Rs. 1.5 lakh per month during retirement.

Factor in inflation to estimate future monthly expenses.

The current corpus and SIPs must grow consistently to meet this goal.

Recommendations
Maintain a balanced allocation between equity and debt for steady growth.

Avoid excessive concentration in small-cap and thematic funds, which are volatile.

Increase exposure to balanced and flexi-cap funds for stability.

Planning for Children’s Education
Current Needs
Your children are aged 18 and 14, which implies upcoming higher education expenses.

Plan for expenses within the next 4–8 years.

Recommendations
Create a dedicated education fund for both children.

Use debt-oriented hybrid funds or short-term debt funds for near-term goals.

Ensure part of your mutual fund corpus is earmarked for this purpose.

Portfolio Review and Suggestions
Strengths of the Portfolio
Disciplined SIP Investments: Investing Rs. 57,000 monthly shows financial discipline.

Diversification: Exposure to various categories like large-cap, mid-cap, small-cap, and thematic funds.

Areas for Improvement
Excessive Small-Cap Allocation: High exposure to small-cap funds increases volatility.

Thematic Fund Overlap: Thematic funds like infrastructure may lead to concentration risks.

Direct Fund Investments: Direct funds lack professional guidance and ongoing monitoring.

Portfolio Optimisation
Consolidate funds to reduce over-diversification and improve focus.

Shift some SIPs to balanced advantage or hybrid funds for stability.

Review and replace underperforming funds periodically.

Invest through a Certified Financial Planner to benefit from professional advice.

Optimising Lumpsum Investments
Review the performance of your lump sum investments.

Redeploy underperforming small-cap and thematic funds into balanced funds.

Keep a portion of your bank deposits in liquid funds for emergencies.

Avoid high allocations to sectoral or cyclical funds due to their dependency on market conditions.

Tax Planning
Long-term capital gains on equity mutual funds above Rs. 1.25 lakh are taxed at 12.5%.

Short-term capital gains on equity funds are taxed at 20%.

Debt mutual funds are taxed as per your income tax slab.

Plan redemptions considering these rules to minimise tax liabilities.

Emergency Fund Allocation
Maintain at least 6–12 months of expenses in liquid funds or fixed deposits.

This ensures financial security given your low job security.

Allocate Rs. 15–20 lakh from your bank deposits for this purpose.

Recommendations for SIPs
Reduce exposure to small-cap and thematic funds.

Increase allocation to large-cap and multi-cap funds for stability.

Consider balanced advantage funds to manage market volatility.

Step-up SIPs only after assessing fund performance.

Final Insights
Your financial foundation is strong, but optimisation is essential.

Prioritise stability and diversification in your portfolio.

Allocate funds separately for retirement and children’s education.

Maintain a robust emergency fund to handle uncertainties.

Seek professional advice to streamline and monitor your investments.

Consistent review and disciplined investing will help you achieve financial independence and secure your family’s future.

Best Regards,

K. Ramalingam, MBA, CFP,

Chief Financial Planner,

www.holisticinvestment.in
https://www.youtube.com/@HolisticInvestment

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Milind

Milind Vadjikar  |807 Answers  |Ask -

Insurance, Stocks, MF, PF Expert - Answered on Dec 28, 2024

Asked by Anonymous - Dec 28, 2024Hindi
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Retiremen advice I am 50 yrs old single with recurring and chronic health issues. I would like to retire and I have 2 crore in FD 1 crore in stock and mutual funds I also own a home and a flat both are free of debt. Please advice me to restructure my assets and have a peaceful retirement. My tax consultant told me I can get up to 3 lakhs per month with 3 cr invested in stocks and mutual funds How realistic is it possible and how to montage the downside risks associated with it. I had been a victim of Franklin Templeton debt funds during covid and I do not trust Mutual funds houses or its manages as before.
Ans: Hello;

It is impossible to get 3 L per month with 3 Cr corpus in mutual funds, unless you are ready to deplete the corpus completely over 10-12 years.

Since you were impacted with Franklin Templeton debt funds issue earlier, I recommend you to buy an immediate annuity from a life insurance company for a sum of 2.8 Cr.

You may chose annuity for life with return of purchase price to your nominee.

It may yield you a post tax monthly income of around 1.1 L+.

After fulfilling your regular expenses you may begin a monthly sip of 10-15 K in any equity fund.

The corpus that this investment will generate over 10-15 years may be used to top-up annuity and hence monthly payouts to account for rise in the inflation.

You may keep balance 20 L corpus in savings account as emergency fund.

Although the Franklin Templeton debt fund issue was difficult for the unitholders of those funds, the alacrity and surgical precision with which SEBI handled that issue and ensured all investors get their money back was commendable.

We cannot control human behaviour but we have extremely robust system of checks and balances in regulation of our MF industry to safeguard investor interests at all costs even if some negative event occurs.

Seek help from a mutual fund distributor or an investment advisor for help, if required.

Best wishes;
X: @mars_invest

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Anu

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Asked by Anonymous - Dec 27, 2024Hindi
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Relationship
I live in a joint family with my brother and parents. I’ve been having a hard time managing my relationship with my bhabhi (sister-in-law). We live in the same house, and things have been tense lately. I’ve always tried to be polite and respectful, but there are constant little misunderstandings between us, and it’s starting to affect my peace of mind. We both want to keep things cordial for the family’s sake, but it feels like there’s always some tension whenever we interact. The problem is, I tend to get defensive whenever she says something I don’t agree with, and I know it’s only making things worse. I’m also trying to stay calm in front of everyone, but it’s hard not to let these small issues build up in my head. I really don’t want to keep feeling frustrated, but I don’t know how to change my approach. I love my brother and I want to improve the atmosphere at home and make sure I’m not letting these things affect me so much. Please help.
Ans: Dear Anonymous,
Joint family systems are filled with adventure and these things that you have brought up are part of that adventure.
Take things as they come and make sure you train yourself not to react...is this possible? YES, it is!
Let's say your Bhabhi accuses you of something, maybe your first reaction is to get defensive and explain or argue. Instead, what if you trained yourself to say: Okay, she's again accusing me of something; let's see what is the new thing that she has invented and let me have fun by simply listening.

This will ensure that your part of adventure gets playful and it will also enable you to respond rather than react. Now, does this happen overnight? NO, it requires a lot of mind training but start somewhere to get to someplace different.

All the best!
Anu Krishna
Mind Coach|NLP Trainer|Author
Drop in: www.unfear.io
Reach me: Facebook: anukrish07/ AND LinkedIn: anukrishna-joyofserving/

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Anu

Anu Krishna  |1414 Answers  |Ask -

Relationships Expert, Mind Coach - Answered on Dec 28, 2024

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Hi, I Am 26(M). I had an arranged marriage, my wife had a pre-marital affair which continued even after our engagement and for 9 months of marriage. According to my wife, she met him once and he wanted to have sex but my wife didn't do it. (The used to chat on Instagram). I found out today after 2 years of marriage. And we just had a baby. My wife asked me to use Instagram after we got engaged, but I refused because I was afraid it would have a bad effect on her. I don't even use it cause I know what can go wrong. When I caught her red-handed and saw the man's chats, I took her phone. And then I had read a little chat, then my wife came to me and said that she had to call our maid. I gave her the phone and she not only spoke on the phone but also deleted the chats with the guy. My eyes were closed when she spoke to maid on the phone. Cause I was so tired. Then I asked my wife to talk to him in front of me because I wanted to teach him a lesson and find his fiancée and tell her the truth. I'm very loyal to my wife. And she was my world. I've never had a girlfriend. I am open minded and I had asked my wife before the engagement, after the engagement on the phone and even after the marriage that if she had a past, I will accept it. My wife messaged him and he asked her talk on video call. The guy also knows that we have just had a baby who is not even 1 month old. I turned on the screen recording of the video call and gave it to my wife. In that screen recording, my wife texted the guy and told him to talk carefully cause I was sitting in front of her and then deleted the message with option of 'delete for you' on Instagram. This is how my wife cheated on me 2 times even after being caught. She told me that she loved me later on. And she took great care of me. She brought me out of depression. She did everything and I also loved her with all my heart and did everything for her. Right now she is saying I forgive her and she wants to live with me like before. She apologized a ton as well. But I don't know what to do at the moment. After so many lies, I can't trust her easily. She has a habit of lying in small things as well. I want to live with her, she was my support, my mother is not even there. when I was 12 years old... Now what do I do? Please kindly guide me!
Ans: Dear LoneKnight,
Yes, you feel like your trust has been broken. Is it easy to build back that trust? Yes and No...Yes, if you wish to...No, if you don't wish to...
If you go back in time and play the same story about how you wife was on Instagram and how she 'cheated' on you, there is no way that you can put your marriage back together.
How are you open-minded when an Instagram account causes you to fear what will happen? I can understand that you are a person with no past girlfriends but people do come with a past. Now, your wife could have shared her past with you, but most women seem to not want to for fear of reaction from the men like you have now. I can see that all this has hurt you, but if you want this marriage to work, you are going to have to drop all the past baggage, yours and your wife's and start afresh. Which means taking things for what it is NOW at face value without doubting it.
Can you do that? My suggestion would be: make an honest attempt at it. But warn yourself against going back in to the past otherwise there will be more mud throwing and no solution in sight.
Start new, Start afresh...

All the best!
Anu Krishna
Mind Coach|NLP Trainer|Author
Drop in: www.unfear.io
Reach me: Facebook: anukrish07/ AND LinkedIn: anukrishna-joyofserving/
Asked on - Dec 28, 2024 | Answered on Dec 28, 2024
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Thanks You Very Much Ma'am For Your Answer. The Reason For Not Using Instagram Was Cause I Didn't Wanted To Look At Any Other Women Instead Of Her. My Intentions Were Pure. Also I Didn't wanted a thing which can spark of cheating so there will be no fire. I am open minded I told her I will accept it. Problem is that affair continued even after engagement and marriage (till 9 months of marriage) But today's condition is that i think she has lost interest. We have tradition inwhich wife goes to their home and stay for 2-3 months. Her mother has been so influential from beginning so am telling her to comeback. She is not ready to comeback even when I am sick. I told her to come back for at least 4-5 days so we can talk. I am afraid she will mindwash her. And I can see that. I have given the best possible time yet she is complaining that I don't give time. When I told her to come back she overeated that she will never go there and that. She wasn't like this. She was with me in my everything. I am so confused. I have forgiven & forgotten everything about the past still... What do you suggest ma'am???
Ans: Dear LoneKnight,
I have already made my suggestions in the initial response. Start afresh and wipe the slate clean. Rebuilding trust cannot happen overnight, so give the marriage a fair GO.
What you have shared again are problems and when you stay in that Zone, you will only be able to focus on problems. When there is an intention to solve the issue, the prerequisite is to move away from all the things that have gone wrong/bad and all the things that you think will go wrong/bad. That's the only way to solve problems. So my suggestions are still the same.

All the best!
Anu Krishna
Mind Coach|NLP Trainer|Author
Drop in: www.unfear.io
Reach me: Facebook: anukrish07/ AND LinkedIn: anukrishna-joyofserving/

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