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Ramalingam

Ramalingam Kalirajan  |8259 Answers  |Ask -

Mutual Funds, Financial Planning Expert - Answered on May 16, 2024

Ramalingam Kalirajan has over 23 years of experience in mutual funds and financial planning.
He has an MBA in finance from the University of Madras and is a certified financial planner.
He is the director and chief financial planner at Holistic Investment, a Chennai-based firm that offers financial planning and wealth management advice.... more
Asked by Anonymous - May 15, 2024Hindi
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Hello I am pretty confused with what choice is correct. I am 23 yrs old and want to invest all my salary left at month end in mutual funds ( ICICI prudential, s&p500 ..) and want to grow my wealth in long run( 8-10 yrs). But my family has a house loan where monthly interest rate is around 18k ( loan ~35L). So what should I do whether to stop putting money in mutual funds and just clear the loan with salary left behind or do a split of 50-50 for mutual fund and house loan?

Ans: As a 23-year-old with a keen interest in building long-term wealth through mutual fund investments, it's essential to navigate your financial decisions with prudence and foresight, especially considering the existing house loan obligation. Let's explore the optimal approach to balancing your investment aspirations with the responsibility of loan repayment.

Understanding Your Financial Landscape
Your desire to invest in mutual funds, particularly in vehicles like ICICI Prudential and S&P 500, reflects a strategic intent to harness the potential of equity markets for long-term wealth accumulation. However, the presence of a substantial house loan, with a monthly interest commitment of ?18,000, necessitates a careful evaluation of your financial priorities.

Assessing the Impact of Loan Repayment on Financial Goals
Servicing the house loan entails a significant financial commitment, potentially impacting your disposable income available for mutual fund investments. It's crucial to weigh the opportunity cost of allocating funds towards loan repayment against the potential returns from equity investments over the long run.

Evaluating the Options: Mutual Fund Investments vs. Loan Repayment
Prioritizing Loan Repayment: Directing the entirety of your surplus income towards clearing the house loan can expedite debt elimination and alleviate financial burdens in the long term. By reducing interest outflows, you pave the way for enhanced financial flexibility and stability, albeit at the expense of delaying mutual fund investments.

Balancing Investments and Loan Repayment: Adopting a balanced approach by allocating a portion of your surplus income towards mutual fund investments while concurrently servicing the house loan allows you to strike a harmony between wealth accumulation and debt reduction. This strategy enables you to capitalize on market opportunities while fulfilling your loan obligations responsibly.

Crafting a Personalized Financial Plan
To determine the most suitable course of action, it's imperative to assess your risk tolerance, investment horizon, and long-term financial objectives comprehensively. Engaging in a detailed financial planning exercise, either independently or with the guidance of a certified financial planner, can aid in formulating a tailored strategy aligned with your aspirations and constraints.

Conclusion: Charting a Path to Financial Empowerment
In conclusion, the decision to prioritize mutual fund investments or house loan repayment hinges on a nuanced evaluation of your financial circumstances and objectives. Whether you opt for debt clearance or pursue a balanced approach, it's essential to remain cognizant of the trade-offs involved and strive for a harmonious integration of both strategies to achieve long-term financial empowerment.

Best Regards,

K. Ramalingam, MBA, CFP,

Chief Financial Planner,

www.holisticinvestment.in
DISCLAIMER: The content of this post by the expert is the personal view of the rediffGURU. Users are advised to pursue the information provided by the rediffGURU only as a source of information to be as a point of reference and to rely on their own judgement when making a decision.
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Ramalingam

Ramalingam Kalirajan  |8259 Answers  |Ask -

Mutual Funds, Financial Planning Expert - Answered on Feb 06, 2025

Asked by Anonymous - Feb 05, 2025Hindi
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Hi Sir, I have a housing loan of 56 lakhs. I pay monthly emi of 84,000 and interest rate is 9%. I have 7 yrs more to close the loan. Montly I can save upto 50k from my salary. Now, should I invest this 50k in mutual funds or should I partly repay my loan amount.Please advise,
Ans: You have a Rs. 56 lakh home loan. Your EMI is Rs. 84,000 per month. The interest rate is 9%. You have 7 years left to repay the loan.

You can save Rs. 50,000 per month. Should you invest it or prepay your loan?

Let’s analyse both options.

Benefits of Prepaying Your Home Loan
Home loan interest is a long-term financial burden.

Prepaying reduces the total interest paid over time.

Your EMI will remain the same, but the tenure will reduce.

This brings financial relief by closing the loan earlier.

Prepaying a 9% loan is like getting a guaranteed 9% return.

There is no market risk in loan repayment.

You get peace of mind by reducing your debt faster.

If the interest rate increases in the future, prepayment will help.

Less interest means better cash flow in later years.

Benefits of Investing in Mutual Funds
Mutual funds offer the potential for higher returns than the loan interest.

Long-term investments in equity can generate 12% to 15% returns.

Investing helps build wealth while repaying the loan.

SIPs allow disciplined investing even with a loan.

Market-linked returns can outgrow the cost of the loan.

Tax efficiency is better with long-term equity investments.

Liquidity is available in mutual funds if needed.

Your money works for you instead of sitting idle.

You get inflation-beating growth over time.

Which Approach is More Tax Efficient?
Home loan interest gives a tax deduction under Section 24(b).

If self-occupied, you get up to Rs. 2 lakh deduction per year.

If rented out, the entire interest is deductible.

Prepaying reduces tax benefits as the interest component lowers.

Equity mutual funds have tax-efficient long-term gains.

Debt mutual funds offer indexation benefits for long-term holding.

The tax angle favours a balanced approach between prepaying and investing.

Risk and Liquidity Considerations
Loan prepayment is risk-free, while mutual funds have market risks.

Mutual fund investments can fluctuate in value.

If markets fall, your investment may be lower than the loan interest saved.

Liquidity is an advantage with mutual funds.

Emergency needs can be handled better with investments.

Loan prepayment locks your money, reducing flexibility.

A Balanced Strategy for Better Financial Growth
Instead of choosing one option, a mix of both is better.

Allocate part of your Rs. 50,000 towards prepayment.

The remaining amount can be invested in mutual funds.

Prepaying some portion reduces interest while keeping investments growing.

This balances risk, liquidity, and tax efficiency.

As your income grows, you can increase prepayment or investments.

Finally
Prepaying fully may save interest but limits liquidity.

Investing fully may generate better returns but comes with market risk.

A mix of prepayment and investing offers financial security and growth.

The right proportion depends on your risk appetite and future plans.

A Certified Financial Planner can guide based on your specific situation.

Best Regards,

K. Ramalingam, MBA, CFP,

Chief Financial Planner,

www.holisticinvestment.in
https://www.youtube.com/@HolisticInvestment

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Janak

Janak Patel  |29 Answers  |Ask -

MF, PF Expert - Answered on Mar 11, 2025

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Hello Sir, I am 42 years old IT professional. I have one son of 6 years and in class 1. My wife also works and our combined MF portfolio is of 1.1 cr. We both invest 90k per month in various mutual funds. I have purchased one flat which has 60 lacs of home loan and 58000 emi. I have sold my current flat in 80 lacs. I am in confusion of what to do with this money. Should I part close my home loan, should i invest it in mutual funds or should i go for PMS. I am in no hurry to pre close home loan as I can close the loan in next 6-7 years from our salary and my PPF. My goal is to maximize my returns to create wealth as I want to retire by 50. I have monthly expenses of 75K including my child fees for now. Please suggest. Thank you.
Ans: Hi Shaks,

Your query will resonate with many working professionals.

First and foremost, please check/calculate if you have capital gains arising out of the sale of your current flat. This is important for tax implication and will also help make your decision for utilizing the funds.

Lets assume you have some capital gains from this sale, then you can again have to confirm if the capital gains can be utilized without paying tax on it - this is possible if you have purchased the new flat within the last 1 year. If so, then you can utilize/adjust the capital gains towards payments made for the new flat and save tax on it. If you have purchased the new flat earlier than the last 1 year, then you have 2 options - pay tax on the capital gains and then use the funds as you wish OR invest the capital gains amount in NHAI bonds (locked) for the next 5 years (pay tax only on the interest earned).

Once you have sorted the above, you will know what is the amount in hand to make your decision, so lets dive into it.
You have a loan of 60 Lacs and you can manage the EMI from your salaries. Over the next 6-7 years, your salary will also see an increment of approx 7-8% annually, so I suggest you utilize this excess amount each year to prepay/topup your EMI payments. This will help reduce the loan burden over time. At the time of retirement, your loan outstanding can be paid with available options at that time.
You mentioned PPF as an option - I would suggest you do not utilize PPF amount towards this loan closure. The reason is PPF is a completely tax exempt asset and can be utilized well towards retirement income. Of course depends on how much you have accumulated in PPF.

So lets now consider paying the loan amount with the sale proceeds of the current flat. You have a loan today (assuming interest rate applicable is 8-8.5%), which you can manage and you are keen to continue it till retirement, so also recommend you do so. Keep the sale proceed amount available for investment and wealth creation as there are opportunities that can generate returns at a same rate (conservative options) and higher returns (with a slightly higher risk associated).

As you do not have any major liability which is outstanding or cannot be managed, and also you are investing 90k per month in Mutual funds, you can consider wealth creation options for the sale amount available.
PMS is an option but I feel its risks will out weigh the returns in the time frame you have, unless you have a known and trust-worthy option you want to consider.
As you are looking to retire early, at age 50, you should target to create a corpus that will sustain your retirement life (consider at least 30 years post retirement) and your child's education requirements.
Hence my recommendation would be to invest in Mutual Funds and continue with your PPF until retirement. A well constructed portfolio to create a retirement corpus and your child's education requirements would be required.

You can consult a Certified Financial Planner to help you with this plan. They can guide you with your Investments and Retirement planning and provide options to consider and provide advise on risk management (Insurance requirements).

Thanks & Regards
Janak Patel
Certified Financial Planner.

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Latest Questions
Nayagam P

Nayagam P P  |4437 Answers  |Ask -

Career Counsellor - Answered on Apr 17, 2025

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MY SON JUST PASSED OUT CLASS X WITH JUST 76 %. HE IS INTERESTED IN CONTINUING SCIENCE AND MATH UPTO POST-GRADUATION. IS HE RIGHT?
Ans: Avijit Sir, To provide more specific guidance, it would be helpful to know how many marks your son scored in Mathematics and Science specifically, and what exactly has motivated his interest in pursuing these subjects up to graduation. Also, what are his long-term goals? Suggestion: Please arrange a Psychometric Test for him. It will offer a clearer picture of his aptitude, interests, and personality, helping to identify which career paths might align best with his strengths. Academic Preparedness:
Please note that Class XI Science—especially Physics and Mathematics—is highly conceptual and more rigorous than Class X. If he faced difficulties in these subjects earlier, it’s important to bridge that gap now through: A foundation course or Summer preparation by joining any Coaching Cenre Offline or online. Coaching can be helpful, but only if the motivation comes from within. Without genuine interest, coaching may lead to burnout. If he is aiming for competitive exams like JEE (IIT, NIT), NEET, or wants to explore pure sciences at institutes like IISc or IISER, it’s vital to develop a structured study routine early on. Maintain Career Flexibility. Even if he continues with Science and Math now, he can later explore interdisciplinary fields such as: Data Science | Finance | Architecture | Design Or even emerging tech fields Choosing Science now doesn’t limit him—it actually keeps more doors open for the future. All the Best for Your Son's Prosperous Future.

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Nayagam P

Nayagam P P  |4437 Answers  |Ask -

Career Counsellor - Answered on Apr 17, 2025

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I get 81.2 percentile in jee main session 1 can I get any nit?
Ans: Priyanshi, Here is, How to Predict Your Chances of Admission into NIT or IIIT or GFTI After JEE Main Results – A Step-by-Step Guide.

Providing precise admission chances for each student can be challenging. Some reputed educational websites offer ‘College Predictor’ tools where you can check possible college options based on your percentile, category, and preferences. However, for a more accurate understanding, here’s a simple yet effective 9-step method using JoSAA’s past-year opening and closing ranks. This approach gives you a fair estimate (though not 100% exact) of your admission chances based on the previous year’s data.

Step-by-Step Guide to Check Your Admission Chances Using JoSAA Data
Step 1: Collect Your Key Details
Before starting, note down the following details:

Your JEE Main percentile | Convert the Percentile to AIR, based on the Formula available in Google.
Your category (General-Open, SC, ST, OBC-NCL, EWS, PwD categories)
Preferred institute types (NIT, IIIT, GFTI)
Preferred locations (or if you're open to any location in India)
List of at least 3 preferred academic programs (branches) as backups (instead of relying on just one option)
Step 2: Access JoSAA’s Official Opening & Closing Ranks
Go to Google and type: JoSAA Opening & Closing Ranks 2024
Click on the first search result (official JoSAA website).
You will land directly on JoSAA’s portal, where you can enter your details to check past-year cutoffs.
Step 3: Select the Round Number
JoSAA conducts five rounds of counseling.
For a safer estimate, choose Round 4, as most admissions are settled by this round.
Step 4: Choose the Institute Type
Select NIT, IIIT, or GFTI, depending on your preference.
If you are open to all types of institutes, check them one by one instead of selecting all at once.
Step 5: Select the Institute Name (Based on Location)
It is recommended to check institutes one by one, based on your preferred locations.
Avoid selecting ‘ALL’ at once, as it may create confusion.
Step 6: Select Your Preferred Academic Program (Branch)
Enter the branches you are interested in, one at a time, in your preferred order.
Step 7: Submit and Analyze Results
After selecting the relevant details, click the ‘SUBMIT’ button.
The system will display Opening & Closing Ranks of the selected institute and branch for different categories.
Step 8: Note Down the Opening & Closing Ranks
Maintain a notebook or diary to record the Opening & Closing Ranks for each institute and branch you are interested in.
This will serve as a quick reference during JoSAA counseling.
Step 9: Adjust Your Expectations on a Safer Side
Since Opening & Closing Ranks fluctuate slightly each year, always adjust the numbers for safety.
Example Calculation:
If the Opening & Closing Ranks for NIT Delhi | Mechanical Engineering | OPEN Category show 8622 & 26186 (for Home State), consider adjusting them to 8300 & 23000 (on a safer side).
If the Female Category rank is 34334 & 36212, adjust it to 31000 & 33000.
Follow this approach for Other State candidates and different categories.
Pro Tip: Adjust your expected rank slightly lower than the previous year's cutoffs for realistic expectations during JoSAA counseling.

Can This Method Be Used for JEE April & JEE Advanced?
Yes! You can repeat the same steps after your April JEE Main results to refine your admission possibilities.
You can also follow a similar process for JEE Advanced cutoffs when applying for IITs.

Want to Learn More About JoSAA Counseling?
If you want detailed insights on JoSAA counseling, engineering entrance exams, preparation strategies, and engineering career options, check out EduJob360’s 180+ YouTube videos on this topic!

Hope this guide helps! All the best for your admissions!

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Nayagam P

Nayagam P P  |4437 Answers  |Ask -

Career Counsellor - Answered on Apr 17, 2025

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Hello ! I have low Gate Score but I can get Fuel and Energy Engg. in IIT Dhanbad and also Mineral Engg. in IIT Dhanbad. What should I do?
Ans: Shrikant, Fuel and Energy Engineering (FEE) focuses on sustainability, renewable energy, and energy systems, with potential for higher education in energy systems, sustainability, and climate tech roles. It offers more opportunities in renewables, thermal, oil & gas, and policy, while Mineral Engineering focuses on mineral processing, extraction, metallurgy, and mining operations. Both branches accept low GATE scores, making it a great chance to get into an IIT.

Choosing between Fuel and Energy Engineering and Mineral Engineering depends on factors such as interest area, job opportunities, future reach, and GATE score concerns. FEE is ideal for forward-thinking individuals interested in future energy technology and for more employment opportunities in India and abroad, while mineral engineering can provide stability for those working in core industries, PSUs, or mining businesses. If you're forward-looking, interested in emerging energy technologies, and want wider career options (in India and globally), Fuel and Energy Engineering is likely the better choice.

If you're okay with a more specialized field and potentially working in core industries, PSUs, or mining companies, then Mineral Engineering can also offer stability. All the Best for Your Admission.

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Ravi

Ravi Mittal  |574 Answers  |Ask -

Dating, Relationships Expert - Answered on Apr 17, 2025

Asked by Anonymous - Apr 17, 2025Hindi
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i dated this muslim girl for 4 .5 months and now se is obsessed with m i dont want to continue the relationship with her , but she is saying to end her life , i didnt provoked her , and i always said her that if u feel any sorrow u can text me , will i be held responible if something goes wrong?
Ans: Dear Anonymous,
I am sorry that you are in this difficult situation; it sounds very emotionally draining. Now coming to your question, I cannot give you advice from the legal point of view but I can give you the human pov.- even though you are not responsible for anyone’s mental health, you can still be kind and helpful when someone is at a low point in their lives. You can start by telling her that you care about her, but the romantic relationship is over. And even though you two are not a couple, you will still help her get through this. Tell her that she deserves better and her life has so much value- if she does something, it will definitely affect a lot of people who deeply care for her. Encourage her to talk to someone she is close to. You can also consider alerting someone in your circle who knows the both of you and can help in this situation.

I understand how exhausting it must be to be held emotionally hostage, but since the issue is self-harm, it is best to take things seriously. You might not be able to fix it for her, but you can be kind. If she persists, please consider alerting her family. And if you are overwhelmed, please share the concerns with someone you trust. It must be difficult to carry all the burden alone.

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Ramalingam

Ramalingam Kalirajan  |8259 Answers  |Ask -

Mutual Funds, Financial Planning Expert - Answered on Apr 17, 2025

Asked by Anonymous - Apr 17, 2025Hindi
Money
dear Mr. Ramalingam, I'm 49 years of age and have been working abroad.. I have worth of Rs56 Lakhs of investment in stocks, have 15L in SIP and monthly about RS25K, other investments is about 20L plus i may work for another 10 years, how can i plan for my retirement FYI, i have a son who is doing engineering and will finish by 2026 and daughter is doing grade XI
Ans: You have done a good job so far. Your existing investments show your commitment to building wealth. Let us now work on giving your plan a complete 360-degree retirement approach. The goal is to create steady income and long-term stability for your future.

We will now evaluate your current financial standing and help you design a retirement strategy that works well for the next 10 years and beyond.

Let us start step by step.

 

Assessing Your Current Financial Position

You are 49 years old and plan to work for 10 more years.

 

Your son will finish engineering in 2026. Your daughter is in Grade XI now.

 

You have Rs 56 lakhs in direct stocks. That’s a solid start.

 

You are investing Rs 25,000 monthly in SIPs with Rs 15 lakhs corpus already.

 

You also have other investments worth Rs 20 lakhs.

 

Your investment journey shows discipline and patience. That is your strength.

 

Reviewing Stock Holdings and Equity Exposure

Rs 56 lakhs in stocks is a big allocation. Stocks are high risk and volatile.

 

Stock markets need constant tracking. Sudden downturns may harm your goals.

 

Please check if your stocks are concentrated in few sectors. Diversification is key.

 

Also check if your stocks are dividend paying. This helps during retirement.

 

For stability, consider reducing high-risk exposure after age 55.

 

Move some stock funds to balanced equity funds with professional fund managers.

 

Active mutual fund managers handle volatility better than passive options.

 

Index funds don’t offer downside protection. They fall as much as the market falls.

 

Active funds allow tactical moves during market falls. That’s a big advantage.

 

Please work with a Certified Financial Planner to review your stock portfolio.

 

SIP Investments – The Growth Engine

Rs 15 lakhs in SIPs shows consistent investing. Well done here.

 

Rs 25,000 monthly SIP is a good habit. You have already built discipline.

 

Try to increase the SIP amount every year. Even 10% rise yearly can help.

 

Equity mutual funds are best for retirement growth over 10+ years.

 

Don’t go with direct mutual funds. Regular plans through a trusted CFP are better.

 

A Certified Financial Planner can track, rebalance and handhold you.

 

Direct plans look cheap. But wrong fund selection can cost a lot more.

 

Regular plans come with advice, research and emotional discipline.

 

Direct plans have no safety net. Avoid mistakes by going with professional help.

 

Other Investments – Time for Consolidation

You have Rs 20 lakhs in other investments. Kindly review those with care.

 

Check if they are in ULIPs, LIC, endowment or traditional policies.

 

If yes, assess surrender value. Exit if returns are poor or locked too long.

 

ULIPs and LIC policies usually give very low long-term returns.

 

That money can earn better in mutual funds over 10 years.

 

Insurance should be separate from investments. Mixing both causes loss.

 

Surrender the policy only after comparing exit load, tax, and maturity timelines.

 

Children’s Education and Future Planning

Your son will finish engineering by 2026. Some costs will arise before that.

 

Keep separate funds ready for final year fees, project work or study abroad.

 

Your daughter is in Class XI. Her higher education will need money in 2 years.

 

Estimate the total cost for both children now. Keep money safe and liquid.

 

Avoid equity investments for education needed within 3 years.

 

Use short-term debt funds or bank FDs for that goal.

 

Keep education planning separate from retirement planning.

 

Next 10 Years – The Build-Up Phase

You have 10 strong working years left. These years are very crucial.

 

Try increasing your SIPs every year. Focus on long-term equity funds.

 

Keep adding lump sum money to mutual funds when you get bonuses or surplus.

 

Track your portfolio yearly with a Certified Financial Planner.

 

After age 55, shift some equity to conservative hybrid or dynamic asset funds.

 

Don’t time the market. Stay invested through ups and downs.

 

Start building a separate emergency fund of 6 months expenses.

 

That helps during job loss, health issue or any surprise cost.

 

Income Planning for Retirement

At 60, you need monthly income for 25+ years. Start preparing now.

 

You will need to build Rs 3 to 4 crore retirement fund at least.

 

That can come from stocks, SIPs, PF and other sources.

 

Don’t depend only on one asset class. Use a proper mix of funds.

 

Use SWP (Systematic Withdrawal Plan) from mutual funds to create monthly income.

 

SWP is tax efficient and gives flexibility. Avoid annuities. They are rigid.

 

Choose 3 to 4 mutual fund types to balance growth and income.

 

Avoid investing in index funds. They rise and fall blindly with the market.

 

Actively managed funds offer better downside control and risk-adjusted returns.

 

Tax Planning Before and After Retirement

Keep a track of capital gains tax while redeeming mutual funds.

 

Long Term Capital Gains above Rs 1.25 lakhs is taxed at 12.5%.

 

Short-term capital gains on equity are taxed at 20%.

 

Debt fund gains are taxed as per your income slab.

 

Work with a tax advisor to minimise tax while withdrawing after 60.

 

Plan your redemptions in tranches to stay within tax-free limits.

 

Health Insurance and Emergency Protection

Please ensure you have good health insurance for self and family.

 

After 60, health costs rise fast. A Rs 25 lakhs cover is ideal.

 

If you have company health cover now, take personal cover too.

 

Personal policy stays even after retirement.

 

Also take critical illness and accident protection if not already done.

 

Estate Planning and Will Creation

Please create a simple Will. Keep your family informed.

 

Nominate family members in mutual funds, stocks and bank accounts.

 

Keep one document listing all your investments and passwords.

 

Inform your spouse or child about your retirement plan and goals.

 

Keep copies of all documents and insurances in one place.

 

Finally

You are on the right track with your investments and mindset.

 

With 10 years of active income, you can build a solid retirement base.

 

Focus on increasing SIPs and reducing risky stock exposure slowly.

 

Don’t stop SIPs when market falls. Continue no matter what.

 

Separate funds for retirement, children’s education and emergencies.

 

Avoid ULIPs, index funds and direct plans. Choose funds through CFPs only.

 

Review all investments yearly with a trusted Certified Financial Planner.

 

Stay disciplined. Retirement success is not luck. It is pure planning and patience.

 

Best Regards,
 
K. Ramalingam, MBA, CFP,
 
Chief Financial Planner,
 
www.holisticinvestment.in
https://www.youtube.com/@HolisticInvestment

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Kanchan

Kanchan Rai  |580 Answers  |Ask -

Relationships Expert, Mind Coach - Answered on Apr 17, 2025

Asked by Anonymous - Apr 17, 2025Hindi
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Hello I am 41 years old but due to careless in life I can't take decision for marriage but now I am realising something wrong happened i started searching alliance but didn't get I want to be relation soon. Please guide me
Ans: It’s completely okay to have taken time figuring out what you wanted in life. Sometimes we don’t move forward simply because we weren’t ready, or we lacked the clarity or emotional support needed at the time. But that doesn't mean you're behind. Everyone’s timeline is different, and yours is still very much unfolding.

Now that you're feeling ready for a serious relationship, here are a few steps you can take to approach this new chapter with confidence and self-awareness.

Start with clarity. Reflect on what kind of partner you're looking for—not just in terms of age or background, but emotionally and mentally. What values matter to you? What kind of connection are you seeking? Are you open to someone who has been married before? Children? When you’re clear, it becomes easier to recognize the right person when they appear.

At the same time, look inward. Do some emotional housekeeping. Ask yourself: What kind of partner do I want to be? Am I emotionally available? Am I still carrying regret, fear, or pressure about being “late” to marriage? Because entering a relationship out of guilt or urgency often leads to settling. But entering it from a place of self-respect and genuine desire creates something meaningful.

Since you're actively searching, it’s okay to use all tools at your disposal—matrimonial sites, family networks, friends, or even a good matchmaker if culturally appropriate. But be patient and realistic. Finding someone who is also ready, aligned with your values, and emotionally compatible can take time.

Also, try not to let pressure—internal or external—rush you. You don’t need a "perfect" partner; you need someone who sees you, respects you, and is willing to grow with you.

And here’s something to hold on to: many people find love in their 40s, 50s, even later—and those relationships are often more conscious, mature, and fulfilling, because they’re built on real-life experience and emotional wisdom, not just youthful impulse.

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Kanchan

Kanchan Rai  |580 Answers  |Ask -

Relationships Expert, Mind Coach - Answered on Apr 17, 2025

Asked by Anonymous - Apr 14, 2025Hindi
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I have strict parents. I had a boyfriend for about 5 years, but my parents made me to break up with him because we belonged to different castes. I moved on from it somehow. and now i have another boyfriend (who is of the same caste), and he loves me truly, but now my parents are making me to lose all sort of contact with him and break up, in order to study. this has become a routine now, as soon as they get to know abt me being in a relationship, they make me breakup with the guy. and i am left to chose between the guy and my parents. what do i do?
Ans: From what you’ve shared, this isn’t just a one-time struggle. It’s a pattern where your desires and emotional connections are consistently overruled by parental control. That doesn’t just impact your relationships—it chips away at your autonomy, your confidence in making life decisions, and ultimately, your sense of self.

Let’s take a step back. It sounds like your parents operate from a space of fear, control, or perhaps even cultural conditioning—believing they know what’s “best” for you, even when that means disregarding your emotions. But here’s the truth: you are the one who has to live with the choices made in your life. Not them. You’re not doing something wrong by loving someone. You’re not “disobedient” because you want a say in your own future.

That being said, when you’ve grown up in a strict household, especially where obedience is confused with love, it can be incredibly hard to assert your independence without feeling crushing guilt or fear. But you need to ask yourself: What kind of life will I have if I continue to silence my heart to please others?

This doesn’t mean you need to make a drastic decision right away. But you do need to begin slowly reclaiming your emotional power. Start by asking: do I want to live in a way that makes others comfortable but leaves me emotionally unfulfilled? Or do I want to begin building the courage to live life on my own terms, even if it means disappointing people?

Your education is important, yes—but love and education are not mutually exclusive. Healthy relationships can actually support your growth, help you manage stress, and increase your emotional resilience. If your boyfriend is kind, supportive, and genuinely wants to see you thrive, that’s a blessing, not a burden.

One path you might consider is gradually building emotional boundaries with your parents—not out of rebellion, but from a place of self-respect. That might look like choosing not to share every personal detail with them, or gently but firmly asserting that your relationship is your private choice. It might mean seeking financial or emotional independence so that your choices aren't controlled by fear of what they’ll do or say.

It won’t be easy—but here’s the truth: choosing yourself doesn’t mean you don’t love your parents. It means you also love yourself.

...Read more

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