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Ramalingam

Ramalingam Kalirajan  |7828 Answers  |Ask -

Mutual Funds, Financial Planning Expert - Answered on Nov 25, 2024

Ramalingam Kalirajan has over 23 years of experience in mutual funds and financial planning.
He has an MBA in finance from the University of Madras and is a certified financial planner.
He is the director and chief financial planner at Holistic Investment, a Chennai-based firm that offers financial planning and wealth management advice.... more
SARAVANAN Question by SARAVANAN on Nov 23, 2024Hindi
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Hello Sir, I want to invest 5k per month in mutuals fund. Am targeting 15acs in next 16years. Can you pls suggest me good fund?

Ans: Investing Rs. 5,000 per month for 16 years to achieve Rs. 15 lakhs is a commendable goal. A systematic investment plan (SIP) in mutual funds can help achieve this. Your focus should be on selecting funds that align with your risk appetite and long-term horizon.

Understanding Your Target
Your target is Rs. 15 lakhs in 16 years.
This requires consistent returns from equity mutual funds.
Equity funds are ideal for long-term goals due to their growth potential.
Investment Strategy
Focus on Equity-Dominated Funds

Equity funds have the potential for higher long-term growth.
Diversify across large-cap, flexi-cap, and mid-cap funds.
Actively Managed Funds Preferred

Actively managed funds outperform index funds over long durations.
A good fund manager can provide better returns than passive funds.
Avoid Direct Funds

Investing through a Certified Financial Planner ensures professional advice.
Regular funds with guidance offer better portfolio tracking and rebalancing.
Monitor and Review Regularly

Review your investments yearly to stay aligned with your goal.
Make changes based on performance and market conditions.
Suggested Fund Categories
Large-Cap Funds

These funds provide stability and moderate growth.
They invest in well-established companies with strong performance records.
Flexi-Cap Funds

These funds invest across large, mid, and small-cap companies.
They offer flexibility and diversification.
Mid-Cap Funds

Mid-cap funds offer higher growth potential but come with moderate risk.
Suitable for long-term wealth creation.
Hybrid Funds

These funds balance equity and debt exposure.
They provide moderate risk with consistent returns.
Tax Considerations
Equity Fund Taxation

Long-term capital gains above Rs. 1.25 lakh are taxed at 12.5%.
Short-term capital gains are taxed at 20%.
Tax-Efficient Withdrawals

Plan withdrawals strategically to minimise tax liability.
Hold funds for the long term to benefit from favourable tax rates.
Other Recommendations
Build an Emergency Fund

Set aside at least six months’ expenses in a liquid fund.
This provides financial security during emergencies.
Stay Invested for the Entire Duration

Equity investments need time to grow and overcome volatility.
Avoid premature withdrawals to maximise returns.
Disciplined Investing

Continue SIPs without interruption to achieve your goal.
Market fluctuations should not deter your commitment.
Final Insights
With disciplined investing and the right fund selection, achieving Rs. 15 lakhs in 16 years is possible. Focus on equity funds for long-term growth and consult a Certified Financial Planner for professional guidance.

Best Regards,

K. Ramalingam, MBA, CFP
Chief Financial Planner

www.holisticinvestment.in
https://www.youtube.com/@HolisticInvestment
DISCLAIMER: The content of this post by the expert is the personal view of the rediffGURU. Users are advised to pursue the information provided by the rediffGURU only as a source of information to be as a point of reference and to rely on their own judgement when making a decision.
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Ramalingam

Ramalingam Kalirajan  |7828 Answers  |Ask -

Mutual Funds, Financial Planning Expert - Answered on May 29, 2024

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Maam pls suggest me 5or 6 mutual fund which i can do invest long time 12 to 20 years .my capacity is 10k per months i will take 50 percent risk if i take 100 percent risk can do this same in 10 years my goal is 1 cr
Ans: It’s great to see your commitment to securing your financial future. Let’s explore how you can achieve your goal of Rs. 1 crore by investing Rs. 10,000 per month.

Understanding Your Investment Horizon and Risk Appetite
You have a long-term investment horizon of 12 to 20 years. This gives you the advantage of time, allowing your investments to grow and compound. With a willingness to take up to 50% risk, you can consider a mix of equity and hybrid funds. If you are comfortable with 100% risk, you can focus more on equity funds.

Importance of Diversification
Diversification is key to managing risk while aiming for high returns. By spreading investments across various mutual funds, you reduce the impact of poor performance in any single fund. This approach enhances the stability of your portfolio.

Benefits of Actively Managed Funds
Actively managed funds have professional fund managers who make strategic decisions. They aim to outperform the market by selecting high-potential stocks. This active management can provide better returns compared to passive funds, especially over long periods.

Potential Mutual Fund Categories for Your Portfolio
1. Large-Cap Funds
Large-cap funds invest in well-established companies with a large market capitalization. These funds are relatively stable and can provide steady returns. They are less volatile compared to mid-cap and small-cap funds, making them suitable for moderate risk tolerance.

2. Mid-Cap Funds
Mid-cap funds invest in medium-sized companies that have high growth potential. These funds are riskier than large-cap funds but can offer higher returns. For an investor with a 50% risk appetite, mid-cap funds can be a good choice.

3. Small-Cap Funds
Small-cap funds invest in smaller companies with significant growth prospects. These funds are more volatile but can provide substantial returns. If you are willing to take 100% risk, including small-cap funds in your portfolio can be beneficial.

4. Multi-Cap Funds
Multi-cap funds invest across companies of various sizes and sectors. They offer a balanced approach by combining large-cap stability with mid-cap and small-cap growth. This diversification within the fund itself reduces risk and enhances returns.

5. Hybrid Funds
Hybrid funds invest in a mix of equity and debt instruments. They provide exposure to the growth potential of equities while offering the stability of debt. For investors with moderate risk tolerance, hybrid funds can be a safe yet profitable option.

Regular Monitoring and Rebalancing
Investing in mutual funds requires regular monitoring. Rebalance your portfolio periodically to maintain the desired asset allocation. This ensures your investments remain aligned with your risk tolerance and financial goals.

Advantages of Investing Through a Certified Financial Planner
A Certified Financial Planner (CFP) can help you select suitable mutual funds. They provide expert advice and personalized strategies based on your financial situation. Investing through a Mutual Fund Distributor (MFD) with CFP credentials ensures professional management of your investments.

Disadvantages of Direct Funds
Direct funds require investors to make all decisions independently. Without professional guidance, it can be challenging to choose the right funds and manage the portfolio. Regular funds, advised by a CFP, offer better management and informed decision-making.

SIPs: A Disciplined Investment Approach
Systematic Investment Plans (SIPs) are an excellent way to invest regularly. They help inculcate a disciplined investment habit. SIPs allow you to invest small amounts consistently, reducing the impact of market volatility.

Evaluating Fund Performance
When selecting mutual funds, consider their historical performance. Look for funds with a consistent track record of outperforming their benchmarks. Evaluate the fund manager’s expertise and the fund’s expense ratio to ensure efficient management.

Importance of Patience and Long-Term Perspective
Long-term investments require patience and a steady approach. Market fluctuations are normal, but staying invested allows your money to grow. The power of compounding works best over extended periods, helping you achieve your financial goals.

Conclusion
With a disciplined investment strategy and the right mix of mutual funds, you can achieve your goal of Rs. 1 crore. Diversify your portfolio, monitor regularly, and seek professional guidance from a Certified Financial Planner. This approach will help you balance risk and returns effectively, ensuring a secure financial future for you and your family.

Best Regards,

K. Ramalingam, MBA, CFP,

Chief Financial Planner,

www.holisticinvestment.in

..Read more

Ramalingam

Ramalingam Kalirajan  |7828 Answers  |Ask -

Mutual Funds, Financial Planning Expert - Answered on Jul 27, 2024

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Hello sir, I want to invest 8k- 10k monthly in mutual funds for a period of profitable 5 years. Please suggest some good MF to invest in.
Ans: You aim to invest Rs. 8k-10k monthly in mutual funds for five years. This is a medium-term goal, requiring a balanced approach to manage risk and ensure good returns.

Benefits of Systematic Investment Plans (SIPs)
Rupee Cost Averaging: SIPs help in averaging out the purchase cost over time. This reduces the impact of market volatility.

Financial Discipline: Regular investments instil a sense of financial discipline. It ensures you save and invest consistently.

Compounding Benefits: SIPs leverage the power of compounding. This maximises returns over the investment period.

Recommended Investment Strategy
Balanced Portfolio: For a five-year period, a balanced portfolio is ideal. It should include a mix of equity and debt funds to manage risk and ensure growth.

Large-Cap Funds: Invest in large-cap funds for stability. These funds invest in well-established companies, offering steady returns.

Mid-Cap Funds: Allocate a portion to mid-cap funds. These funds have a higher growth potential, though they carry moderate risk.

Aggressive Hybrid Funds: Consider aggressive hybrid funds. They provide a mix of equity and debt, balancing risk and return.

Actively Managed Funds vs. Index Funds
Disadvantages of Index Funds:

Passive Management: Index funds are passively managed. They aim to replicate the market index, lacking the ability to outperform.

No Flexibility: Index funds do not adapt to market changes. They stick to the index, regardless of market conditions.

Benefits of Actively Managed Funds:

Strategic Management: Actively managed funds are handled by professional fund managers. They make strategic decisions to maximise returns.

Adaptive Approach: These funds adapt to market conditions. This flexibility often results in better performance compared to index funds.

Direct Funds vs. Regular Funds
Disadvantages of Direct Funds:

Lack of Guidance: Direct funds do not provide expert advice. You might miss out on strategic insights and market trends.

Better Service: Investing through a Certified Financial Planner (CFP) ensures regular portfolio reviews and professional guidance.

Benefits of Regular Funds:

Professional Advice: Regular funds offer expert advice. This helps in making informed investment decisions.

Comprehensive Service: Regular funds come with additional services, such as financial planning and portfolio management.

Investment Recommendations
1. Set Clear Objectives:

Define your investment goals. Understand your risk tolerance and the amount needed at the end of five years.
2. Diversify Your Portfolio:

Allocate your monthly investment across large-cap, mid-cap, and aggressive hybrid funds.

This diversification ensures stability and growth.

3. Regular Review:

Review your portfolio every six months. Adjust your investments based on performance and market conditions.
4. Emergency Fund:

Keep an emergency fund separate. This ensures you do not need to withdraw from your investments in case of unforeseen expenses.
5. Tax Planning:

Consider tax-saving mutual funds if they align with your goals. This helps in reducing your tax liability while investing.
Final Insights
Investing Rs. 8k-10k monthly in mutual funds through SIPs is a wise choice. It offers financial discipline, manages risk, and leverages the power of compounding. Diversify your portfolio across large-cap, mid-cap, and aggressive hybrid funds. Seek professional guidance to optimise your investment strategy.

Best Regards,

K. Ramalingam, MBA, CFP

Chief Financial Planner,

www.holisticinvestment.in

..Read more

Ramalingam

Ramalingam Kalirajan  |7828 Answers  |Ask -

Mutual Funds, Financial Planning Expert - Answered on Sep 28, 2024

Money
i have invested lump sum 20000 in parag flexi cap fund and 6000 in kotak quant fund i want to invest aroung 20000 a month suggest me mutual fund with 5 years horizon
Ans: With a 5-year investment horizon, your focus should be on balancing growth potential with some risk management. Since you have already invested in a flexi cap and a quant fund, you have made a good start. Below are some mutual fund categories that can further diversify your portfolio and align with your 5-year financial goal.

1. Aggressive Hybrid Funds
Aggressive hybrid funds invest about 65%-80% in equities and the rest in debt. These funds are designed to provide growth with a cushion of safety through their debt component. For a 5-year horizon, these funds can help you capture equity growth while reducing volatility.

These funds help limit downside risk if the equity market corrects in the short term.
Over a 5-year period, aggressive hybrid funds may offer better risk-adjusted returns than pure equity funds.
2. Large and Mid-Cap Funds
Large and mid-cap funds offer a balance between stability and growth. Large-cap stocks are more stable, while mid-caps provide the potential for higher returns.

Large-caps tend to provide stability during volatile periods.
Mid-caps, although riskier, can offer higher returns in a growth market.
Over a 5-year period, this category can provide a balance between risk and reward. You already have exposure to flexi caps through your Parag Flexi Cap Fund, but large and mid-cap funds can further strengthen this strategy.

3. Multi-Asset Funds
Multi-asset funds are designed to invest across multiple asset classes such as equities, debt, and gold. This diversification helps reduce the impact of market volatility. In the short-to-medium term, these funds can provide a more stable growth trajectory.

These funds are suitable for investors who want diversification without actively managing different asset classes.
They offer a balanced return, reducing the dependency on just one asset class.
For a 5-year horizon, these funds can give you peace of mind by spreading the risk across various assets.

4. Dynamic Bond Funds
Dynamic bond funds adjust their portfolio based on interest rate movements. Since interest rates can fluctuate over a 5-year period, dynamic bond funds offer flexibility in managing this.

These funds can offer more stability compared to equity funds.
While they generally provide lower returns than equity funds, they can be part of your portfolio for a balance of stability and growth.
For a 5-year horizon, dynamic bond funds can add a layer of stability to your portfolio without completely moving out of growth opportunities.

5. ELSS Funds for Tax Saving
Though primarily tax-saving instruments, ELSS (Equity Linked Savings Scheme) funds can also serve your investment needs. They have a mandatory 3-year lock-in, which ensures you remain invested for the short term and benefit from equity growth.

ELSS funds offer tax deductions under Section 80C, making them an attractive option.
They primarily invest in equities, which can help your portfolio grow over the medium term.
Considering your 5-year horizon, the 3-year lock-in period is manageable. You can continue to hold the funds for two more years to maximize your returns.

Key Considerations
Risk Tolerance: Since you have a 5-year horizon, it’s important to balance risk and return. While equities provide growth, debt and hybrid funds can reduce volatility.
Diversification: You’ve already invested in equity-based funds. Now, you can consider adding hybrid or multi-asset funds to diversify your portfolio.
Review Your Portfolio: Although a 5-year horizon isn’t long enough for frequent changes, it's important to review your portfolio periodically to ensure it's aligned with your goal.
Disadvantages of Index Funds
Index funds, while low-cost, lack the flexibility of actively managed funds. Over a 5-year period, actively managed funds can better adapt to market conditions. Index funds merely track a market index, and during downturns, they offer no protection from losses.

Actively managed funds have the potential to outperform the market in the short-to-medium term.
Fund managers can take advantage of market inefficiencies, which index funds cannot.
Given your 5-year horizon, active fund management is preferable for potentially better returns.

Final Insights
Your decision to invest Rs 20,000 monthly is a smart step towards building a robust financial future. With a 5-year horizon, a balanced approach combining equity and hybrid funds can provide both growth and stability. Diversifying across different fund types will ensure that your portfolio remains resilient in the face of market volatility.

While your existing investments in a flexi cap and quant fund are a good start, adding large and mid-cap, aggressive hybrid, and multi-asset funds will strengthen your portfolio. Dynamic bond funds can offer stability, and ELSS funds can help you save on taxes while investing for growth.

By choosing actively managed funds over index funds, you allow your portfolio the flexibility to adapt to changing market conditions. A certified financial planner can guide you in selecting the right mix of funds and regularly reviewing your portfolio to stay on track.

Best Regards,
K. Ramalingam, MBA, CFP,

Chief Financial Planner,
www.holisticinvestment.in
https://www.youtube.com/@HolisticInvestment

..Read more

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Kanchan

Kanchan Rai  |525 Answers  |Ask -

Relationships Expert, Mind Coach - Answered on Feb 04, 2025

Asked by Anonymous - Jan 27, 2025Hindi
Relationship
Unable to figure out what to do. Shouls i proceed for divorce? And if yes how? Here is my story: This is a long post. But i might have still missed few small instances in between. So I got married on October 3, 2022. Our conversation started through the Jeevansathi app, but the actual conversation began in July 2022 when her father contacted me. The first contact was from their side. At that time, I was returning to Chennai from Ongole by train when I received her father's call. He asked about my job and other details, to which I mentioned that I work for SBI in Tamil Nadu. After that, our conversation started. In the early days, the conversation was really good, and she spoke very well. Later, I visited their house with my mother. During the conversation there, she mentioned that many proposals had come before, but she hadn't been able to decide. One proposal was from a guy with a package of 30 lakh, but she clearly said that money doesn’t matter to her; she wanted a good person. During that meeting, I mentioned that I am a simple person, and my family consists of only my mother and me. I also clarified that due to my job, I could be transferred. After that meeting, we did the formal engagement. Later, we brought sweets from Haldiram, and that was when our engagement was officially recognized. After that, our conversations continued regularly. For a while, everything was fine, but then we started arguing over small things. Once, I told her that I meditate, and she said, "Meditation is something foolish people do, it doesn’t help." This led to an argument. I also mentioned that if we have children, we should send them to good universities like Harvard or Oxford, and this too led to an argument, as she felt we shouldn't put pressure on children to earn money. Then came the topic of money. I shared my salary slip and explained how both working and saving money are important because expenses are high. However, she said, "Saving money is foolish, everyone lives paycheck to paycheck nowadays." I tried to explain the importance of savings, but our discussions continued to be challenging. At one point, she said she wouldn’t wear sindoor or the mangalsutra. I told her that there was no need to wear it every day, just on special occasions. I agreed with this. As the arguments increased, I spoke to her father and mentioned that maybe she didn’t want to marry me. But her father reassured me that it wasn’t true, and they would talk to her. After that, things seemed normal for a while, but small arguments kept happening. In August 2022, I visited her again. I thought we could spend some time together and understand each other better. We went to Aerocity, where we had pizza and roamed around. After that, we went to Radisson Hotel on 27th July 2022, and our engagement was finalized. Over these two months, our communication continued, and eventually, on October 2, 2022, we had our engagement ceremony, and on October 3, 2022, we got married. After the wedding, we planned a honeymoon. Initially, she wanted to go to Vaishno Devi, so I took her there by Vande Bharat Express. Her uncle arranged VIP darshan. We walked up, but on the way back, her legs started hurting, so we rode a horse. After sitting on the horse for a long time, she had back pain. I reached the hotel, tried to soothe her pain by soaking her legs in hot water, and then we slept. After that, we planned to go to Udaipur. We took a SpiceJet flight there and booked a hotel near Fatehpur Sagar Lake. She wanted a lake-view room, but it wasn’t available. She argued with the staff, and we had to move to another hotel at night. The environment there wasn’t great, but she chose it. During our visit to Udaipur Fort, she suddenly said she wouldn’t go to the restaurant with me and would go home alone. I still don’t understand the reason behind this. From that point, my behavior towards her changed. After Udaipur, we planned to go to Agra. There, she suddenly accused me of having an affair with another girl and threatened to teach me a lesson. I asked her where this thought came from, but she didn’t answer. In July and August 2022, I visited her again. We traveled together and tried to understand each other better, but she never told me much about herself. After the wedding, I visited her during Diwali. She was happy initially, but gradually she became distant and stopped talking much. She wasn’t involved in decorating the house or participating in the Diwali puja. She remained absorbed in her own world, talking to her parents or I don’t know who else, while distancing herself from me. She needed reasons to fight, while I tried to stay calm, as it was a new marriage. On October 25, 2022, I returned to Chennai, and she came to Chennai a few days later. My mother also arrived in Chennai on October 26, and she stayed with us in Chennai until December. During this time, she started fighting over every little thing. She complained about who would do the housework and kept accusing me of not having enough money. She suggested hiring someone for cleaning, even though my mother and I managed it well. Then she refused to sleep with me, and we didn’t have any physical intimacy. Whenever she fought with me, she tried to belittle me. In January, she went back to Delhi, and I went to convince her to come back in January. During Lohri, I gave her a sari and gifts, but she still didn’t talk to me properly. She treated me very badly and didn’t want to stay with us. She fought with me several times and went back to her house. In February 2023, she came to Chennai again, but things were still not right between us. In April 2024, she came back to stay with me, but the very next day, the fights started again. She accused me of having an affair with another girl and threatened me. She destroyed things in the house, broke dishes and glasses, and created a mess. When I told her mother about this, she advised me to send her back. I booked her flight, and on April 7, 2024, she left. Since then, she has not been living with me. After that, I worked hard to bring her back. It was September when I managed to convince her to come. I tried to make her stay with me, but she stayed only for 4-5 days. On the 5th day, she started fighting again and decided to leave. She went to the railway station and sat there, saying, "I cannot live with you." We argued that night, and she left the house, shouting abuses at me and went back to her home. She thought everything would be fine, but when I tried talking to her, she started blaming me for not wanting her to stay with me.
Ans: It sounds like you've tried very hard to make this marriage work, but your wife has been emotionally distant, hostile, and unwilling to engage in a meaningful relationship. From what you’ve shared, there have been continuous conflicts, false accusations, and a lack of physical and emotional connection. It seems like she is not interested in making the relationship work, and her behavior—leaving multiple times, refusing intimacy, and fighting constantly—suggests deep incompatibility.

Before making a final decision, ask yourself: Is there anything left to salvage? Do you still love her and believe this marriage has hope if both of you genuinely try? Or do you feel exhausted and trapped in a cycle of disappointment and rejection? If you feel there is nothing left, then divorce may be the healthiest option for your peace of mind and future happiness.

If you decide to proceed with divorce, start by seeking legal counsel. In India, divorce can be mutual or contested. If she agrees, a mutual consent divorce is the easiest way. If she does not, you may need to file on grounds of cruelty or irretrievable breakdown of marriage. Gather evidence of her behavior—messages, incidents, and anything that proves your case.

This is not an easy decision, but your mental health and self-respect matter. If she is unwilling to change or make efforts, you should not have to live in constant conflict. Do you think she would agree to a mutual separation, or would she fight it?

...Read more

Kanchan

Kanchan Rai  |525 Answers  |Ask -

Relationships Expert, Mind Coach - Answered on Feb 04, 2025

Asked by Anonymous - Jan 29, 2025
Relationship
Hello Ma'am, I've a crush on a girl from my in laws. Inspite of avoiding etc I go specifically in that gathering where she's likely to be. I've not told it to anyone, neither does she know about it. I keep on masturbating imagining her. I know I'll never do any silly thing or let anyone know about it. Im married happily and 20 years elder to her.
Ans: It’s good that you are self-aware and acknowledging your feelings rather than acting on them impulsively. Having a crush, even in a committed relationship, is something that happens to many people—it’s human nature. However, since this involves someone from your in-laws and is significantly younger, it’s important to address these emotions in a way that aligns with your values and the commitments you’ve made to your marriage.

Right now, your mind is reinforcing this attraction by seeking out opportunities to be around her and fantasizing about her. The more you indulge in these thoughts, the stronger the emotional pull becomes. Avoiding her entirely may not be realistic, but reducing intentional exposure—such as seeking out gatherings just to be near her—can help weaken the attachment over time.

Instead of suppressing your feelings, redirect that energy into your marriage. What is it about her that attracts you? Is it youthfulness, attention, admiration, or just the thrill of something new? Whatever it is, find ways to bring those qualities into your relationship with your wife. Sometimes, an outside attraction is just a signal that something in your own life needs attention or excitement.

You’ve already made it clear to yourself that you won’t act on this, which shows maturity and self-control. The next step is breaking the mental cycle that feeds into the attraction. Engage in hobbies, meaningful conversations with your spouse, and self-reflection to understand what this infatuation represents. Over time, these feelings will lose their intensity as you shift your focus.

Do you think this crush is filling a certain emotional gap in your life, or is it purely an infatuation with no deeper meaning?

...Read more

Kanchan

Kanchan Rai  |525 Answers  |Ask -

Relationships Expert, Mind Coach - Answered on Feb 04, 2025

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Relationship
Me and my wife don't get along well...She thinks my family members are not good enough, so she has no relationship with them. Earlier I was not in good shape due to my friend's circle and did not give quality time to my wife when we got married. A few years back there was a misunderstanding between both families. Mistakes were from both sides. Now my in-laws and wife do speak to any member of our family and have broken all relationships. This is for the past several years since they have stopped talking. My father is a cancer patient and wants to come and stay with me. He is 80 now but my wife is deadly against this though I have not discussed this yet with her. I need your guidance as to how to handle this situation and restore a good relationship between both families. My mother-in-law had fought with me in the past as well and held me responsible for her daughter's plight. My wife is very secretive and does not reveal anything be it about her salary/job etc. I am fed up and now I have started to think of separating if she does not allow my father to stay with me. Our marriage is almost 24 years now. I am 50 and she is in her late 40's....I want to get these things right and maintain a good relationship between both families. Kindly advise
Ans: Dear Trilok,
From what you’ve shared, it sounds like past misunderstandings between both families have turned into a long-standing rift. It’s understandable that you want to fix things and create harmony, but the resistance from your wife and in-laws makes it complicated. Before addressing the larger family conflict, the first step is to work on communication with your wife. You mentioned that earlier in the marriage, you weren’t able to give her enough quality time due to personal struggles. Do you think she still holds on to resentment from that time? If so, addressing those unresolved emotions could be a starting point for rebuilding some connection.

Since she is very secretive, it’s possible that she also feels disconnected from you in some way. Instead of making the father-staying discussion an immediate confrontation, try to understand her underlying fears. Is she worried about responsibilities, space, or past issues with your family? Bringing this up as a conversation about caregiving rather than a demand might help.

If her resistance is absolute and she refuses to even consider it, you’ll have to decide how much compromise you’re willing to make for the sake of your marriage. If you feel separation is a real possibility, ask yourself whether the relationship still has a foundation worth saving or if both of you have simply grown too far apart.

Would she be open to counseling or mediation? Sometimes a third party can help break the cycle of blame and secrecy. Do you feel that she still values this marriage, or has she emotionally distanced herself completely?

...Read more

Kanchan

Kanchan Rai  |525 Answers  |Ask -

Relationships Expert, Mind Coach - Answered on Feb 04, 2025

DISCLAIMER: The content of this post by the expert is the personal view of the rediffGURU. Investment in securities market are subject to market risks. Read all the related document carefully before investing. The securities quoted are for illustration only and are not recommendatory. Users are advised to pursue the information provided by the rediffGURU only as a source of information and as a point of reference and to rely on their own judgement when making a decision. RediffGURUS is an intermediary as per India's Information Technology Act.

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