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Investing for NRI in Saudi Arabia: Gold, Property or Savings?

Ramalingam

Ramalingam Kalirajan  |7435 Answers  |Ask -

Mutual Funds, Financial Planning Expert - Answered on Jan 02, 2025

Ramalingam Kalirajan has over 23 years of experience in mutual funds and financial planning.
He has an MBA in finance from the University of Madras and is a certified financial planner.
He is the director and chief financial planner at Holistic Investment, a Chennai-based firm that offers financial planning and wealth management advice.... more
Asked by Anonymous - Jan 01, 2025Hindi
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Hello Gurus, I am an NRI living in Saudi Arabia, aged 38. I am earning 4.5L a month and have around 30L in savings. I don’t own anything and want to start investing, however I am unsure of what to do. Should it be gold, a property on loan or nothing and stick with maximum saving strategy. Please suggest as I am naive to investment ???? Note: Please avoid profit through interest solutions.

Ans: At 38, your financial potential is commendable. Earning Rs 4.5 lakh monthly with Rs 30 lakh in savings shows great discipline. This sets the foundation for effective financial planning. It's crucial to grow your wealth systematically while adhering to your values and goals. Let’s explore the options that align with your requirements.

Importance of Diversified Investments
Keeping all your savings in a bank or single asset is not advisable. Inflation erodes the value of stagnant money. A diversified portfolio protects your wealth and ensures long-term growth. Consider investment options that align with Shariah principles to avoid interest-based earnings.

Shariah-Compliant Mutual Funds
Shariah-compliant mutual funds are a good fit for your values. These funds avoid interest-based instruments and focus on ethical investments.

Such funds invest in companies adhering to Islamic principles.
They avoid businesses involved in alcohol, gambling, or lending.
These funds are managed by professionals, ensuring growth potential.
They offer transparency and align with your religious beliefs.
However, actively managed funds with certified financial planners ensure personalized guidance and better returns.

Avoid direct funds as they lack professional advisory, making it harder to track performance. Regular plans through a certified financial planner provide tailored advice and periodic reviews.

Systematic Investment Plan (SIP) for Consistency
SIP is ideal for disciplined investing. You can start small and increase contributions as income grows.

SIP ensures rupee-cost averaging, reducing risk during market fluctuations.
It builds a corpus over time and instills financial discipline.
Combine SIP with periodic reviews for effective long-term growth.
Avoid Real Estate at This Stage
Purchasing a property on loan may seem attractive, but it has drawbacks:

Loans create financial pressure due to EMIs.
Real estate has liquidity issues and uncertain returns.
Maintenance costs further reduce profitability.
Instead, focus on liquid and growth-oriented investments.

Gold as a Strategic Investment
Gold is a hedge against inflation and economic uncertainty. However, limit its allocation to 10-15% of your portfolio.

Gold does not generate income but retains value.
Invest in gold ETFs or digital gold for safety and ease of management.
Avoid over-allocating to gold, as it limits long-term growth.

Emergency Fund Setup
Before investing, allocate a portion of your savings to an emergency fund.

Keep 6–12 months’ expenses in a separate account.
Use liquid funds for better returns while maintaining accessibility.
This ensures financial security during unforeseen events.

Insurance Coverage
Protect your family with proper insurance coverage.

Opt for a term insurance plan with adequate coverage.
Health insurance is essential for unexpected medical expenses.
Avoid investment-cum-insurance policies as they offer low returns.
If you hold ULIPs or LIC policies, consider surrendering them and reinvesting in mutual funds.

Tax Efficiency
Understanding taxation ensures you optimize returns:

Equity mutual funds: LTCG above Rs 1.25 lakh taxed at 12.5%; STCG taxed at 20%.
Debt mutual funds: Gains taxed as per your income slab.
Tax-saving investments like ELSS help save under Section 80C.
Consult a certified financial planner for tax-efficient strategies.

Regular Monitoring
Investing is not a one-time task. Regularly review your portfolio with your planner.

Rebalance your portfolio based on goals and market conditions.
Ensure alignment with Shariah principles and financial objectives.
Periodic reviews help maximize returns and mitigate risks.
Focus on Long-Term Goals
Identify your life goals and align investments accordingly:

Retirement corpus to maintain your current lifestyle.
Children’s education or other family commitments.
Financial independence and legacy planning.
Final Insights
Your financial journey is about balancing growth and values. With the right approach, you can achieve stability and prosperity. Start with Shariah-compliant funds, a disciplined SIP approach, and a diversified portfolio. Ensure regular monitoring and guidance from a certified financial planner.

Best Regards,

K. Ramalingam, MBA, CFP,

Chief Financial Planner,

www.holisticinvestment.in
https://www.youtube.com/@HolisticInvestment
DISCLAIMER: The content of this post by the expert is the personal view of the rediffGURU. Users are advised to pursue the information provided by the rediffGURU only as a source of information to be as a point of reference and to rely on their own judgement when making a decision.
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Ramalingam

Ramalingam Kalirajan  |7435 Answers  |Ask -

Mutual Funds, Financial Planning Expert - Answered on May 19, 2024

Asked by Anonymous - May 18, 2024Hindi
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Hi sir my age is 29 how to start in investment my one income 900 rupees I don't have any savings please help me how to savings stat and investment plans
Ans: It's great that you want to start investing and saving. With an income of ?900 per month, it can be challenging, but every small step counts. Let’s explore how you can begin saving and investing.

Understanding Your Current Financial Situation
First, understand your income and expenses. Track your monthly spending to identify areas where you can cut back. Even small savings can add up over time.

Setting Realistic Goals
Start with small, achievable goals. Aim to save a portion of your income each month. This helps build a habit of saving.

Creating a Budget
Track Income and Expenses

List all your monthly income and expenses.
Identify non-essential expenses you can reduce or eliminate.
Allocate Savings

Aim to save at least 10% of your income. With ?900, this means saving ?90 each month.
Emergency Fund

Build an emergency fund for unexpected expenses. Start small, aim for ?500 initially.
Saving Methods
Savings Account

Open a basic savings account. It’s safe and earns a small interest.
Recurring Deposit (RD)

Consider starting a recurring deposit with your bank. You can deposit a small fixed amount each month. It’s a disciplined way to save.
Basic Investment Options
Systematic Investment Plans (SIPs)

Start a SIP with as little as ?500 per month. Mutual funds have options for low initial investments. SIPs help in disciplined investing and can offer good returns over time.
Public Provident Fund (PPF)

PPF is a safe and long-term investment option. You can start with small amounts and increase contributions as your income grows.
Government Schemes
Pradhan Mantri Jan Dhan Yojana (PMJDY)

Open a Jan Dhan account. It offers no minimum balance requirement and other benefits like insurance.
Atal Pension Yojana (APY)

A pension scheme for workers in the unorganised sector. You can contribute small amounts to secure your retirement.
Increasing Your Income
Skill Development

Invest in learning new skills to increase your earning potential. Look for free or low-cost courses online.
Part-Time Work

Consider part-time jobs or freelancing to supplement your income. This additional income can boost your savings and investment capacity.
Discipline and Patience
Consistency

Regular saving and investing, no matter how small, will yield results over time. Be consistent with your contributions.
Avoid Debt

Avoid unnecessary loans or credit. If you must borrow, ensure you can manage the repayments.
Reviewing and Adjusting
Regular Review

Review your budget and savings plan regularly. Adjust your savings and investment as your income grows.
Seek Advice

Consult a Certified Financial Planner for personalized advice as your financial situation evolves.

Starting with a small income can be tough, but your determination to save and invest is commendable. Every rupee saved is a step towards financial security. Stay committed, and over time, you’ll see the benefits of your disciplined approach.

Conclusion
Beginning your investment journey at 29 with a limited income is challenging but possible. Start by creating a budget, saving consistently, and exploring safe investment options. Increase your income through skill development and part-time work. Regularly review your progress and adjust your plan as needed. Your commitment to saving and investing will pave the way for a secure financial future.

Best Regards,

K. Ramalingam, MBA, CFP,

Chief Financial Planner,

www.holisticinvestment.in

..Read more

Ramalingam

Ramalingam Kalirajan  |7435 Answers  |Ask -

Mutual Funds, Financial Planning Expert - Answered on Jul 17, 2024

Asked by Anonymous - Jul 07, 2024Hindi
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Hi I'm 33 years old single male with 60 k salary per month I have 16 lakhs in my savings account but i don't have any policies or any other investments my monthly expenses are around 40 k don't have my own home please suggest me where to invest and how to invest
Ans: You earn Rs. 60,000 per month.

You have Rs. 16 lakhs in savings.

Your monthly expenses are Rs. 40,000.

Let's plan a 360-degree investment strategy for you.

Emergency Fund
Keep an emergency fund.

It should cover 6 months of expenses.

This means Rs. 2.4 lakhs.

Keep it in a liquid account.

Health and Life Insurance
Get health insurance.

Cover at least Rs. 5 lakhs.

Health issues can lead to high costs.

Consider term life insurance.

It is cheaper and gives high cover.

Cover at least 10 times your annual income.

This means Rs. 72 lakhs.

Systematic Investment Plans (SIPs)
SIPs are a great way to invest.

They help in disciplined investing.

Invest Rs. 10,000 per month in SIPs.

Choose a mix of large-cap, mid-cap, and small-cap funds.

This ensures diversification.

Actively managed funds can outperform.

They have fund managers who track the market.

This can lead to better returns.

Public Provident Fund (PPF)
PPF is a safe investment.

It offers tax benefits.

Invest Rs. 1.5 lakhs per year.

This is for long-term savings.

It has a 15-year lock-in period.

This helps in building a retirement corpus.

Diversification
Diversify your investments.

Don't put all money in one type of investment.

Use mutual funds for diversification.

They spread risk across many stocks.

Goal-based Investing
Identify your goals.

Short-term goals can be 1-3 years.

Medium-term goals can be 3-7 years.

Long-term goals can be 7+ years.

Choose investments based on these goals.

Regular Review
Review your investments regularly.

Ensure they align with your goals.

Make adjustments as needed.

Tax Planning
Invest in tax-saving instruments.

They reduce your taxable income.

Options include ELSS funds and PPF.

This helps in efficient tax planning.

Financial Planner
Consult a Certified Financial Planner.

They provide professional advice.

They help in making informed decisions.

They track market trends.

This helps in optimizing your investments.

Final Insights
Start with an emergency fund and insurance.

Then, invest in SIPs and PPF.

Diversify your portfolio.

Review your investments regularly.

Seek advice from a Certified Financial Planner.

This ensures a well-rounded financial plan.

Best Regards,

K. Ramalingam, MBA, CFP,

Chief Financial Planner,

www.holisticinvestment.in

..Read more

Ramalingam

Ramalingam Kalirajan  |7435 Answers  |Ask -

Mutual Funds, Financial Planning Expert - Answered on Jul 25, 2024

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Hi I am 33 years old female i currently not having any savings but i want to start i hva 60lcs worth house no emis no loans.. salary 91k per month.. expenses most of 25k - 30K per month. Let me know how i can i plan where to invest i have 2years old daughter i am looking to first buy a property in next 5 years and to save for my child education. Thanks kindly help me tostart my journey
Ans: Current Financial Snapshot
Age: 33 years
Salary: Rs. 91,000 per month
Expenses: Rs. 25,000 - 30,000 per month
Assets: Rs. 60 lakh house (no EMIs or loans)
Goals: Buy a property in 5 years, save for child's education
Dependents: 2-year-old daughter
Creating an Emergency Fund
Importance of an Emergency Fund
Security: Protects against unforeseen expenses
Peace of Mind: Ensures financial stability
Recommendation
Target Amount: 6 months of expenses, around Rs. 1.5 lakh
Investment Option: Liquid funds for easy access and better returns than savings accounts
Starting Systematic Investments
Systematic Investment Plan (SIP)
Benefit: Rupee cost averaging and disciplined investing
Initial Amount: Start with Rs. 15,000 per month
Diversification
Equity Funds: High growth potential, long-term gains
Debt Funds: Stability, lower risk
Saving for Child's Education
Education Planning
Estimate Costs: Account for inflation in education expenses
Investment Options: Child-specific mutual funds and PPF
SIPs for Education
Dedicated SIP: Start a dedicated SIP of Rs. 10,000 per month for your child’s education
Equity Exposure: Focus on equity funds for long-term growth
Planning for Property Purchase
Property Investment
Timeline: Plan to buy property in the next 5 years
Down Payment: Save at least 20% of the property cost
Monthly Savings
Dedicated Savings: Save Rs. 20,000 per month for down payment
Investment Vehicle: Use recurring deposits or short-term debt funds for stability
Insurance Coverage
Life Insurance
Recommendation: Purchase a term insurance plan
Coverage: Sum assured should be at least 10 times your annual income
Health Insurance
Recommendation: Get a comprehensive health insurance policy
Coverage: Include family floater plan to cover your daughter as well
Retirement Planning
Long-Term Goal
Start Early: Begin investing for retirement now for compounding benefits
Investment Options: NPS and diversified equity funds
Monthly Contribution
Recommendation: Allocate Rs. 10,000 per month towards retirement
Additional Recommendations
Regular Reviews
Financial Check-Ups: Review your financial plan every 6 months
Adjustments: Make necessary adjustments based on changing circumstances
Professional Guidance
Certified Financial Planner: Consult a CFP for personalized advice
Regular Funds: Invest through a Mutual Fund Distributor with CFP credential for better support and guidance
Final Insights
Build an emergency fund first.
Start SIPs for disciplined investing.
Save specifically for child’s education.
Plan for property purchase within 5 years.
Ensure adequate insurance coverage.
Begin retirement planning early.
Regularly review and adjust your financial plan.
Best Regards,

K. Ramalingam, MBA, CFP,

Chief Financial Planner,

www.holisticinvestment.in

..Read more

Latest Questions
Milind

Milind Vadjikar  |830 Answers  |Ask -

Insurance, Stocks, MF, PF Expert - Answered on Jan 04, 2025

Asked by Anonymous - Jan 03, 2025Hindi
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Personal Status Current Age - 35Y Male Profession - Embedded Engineer Disposal Income - 1.6L/Month Monthly Expense - 50K/Month Yearly Onetime Expenses - 3L/Year (School Fee, Premiums, Personal) Annual Disposal Income - 19,20,000 Annual Expenses - 9,00,000 Financial Status (1) Term Insurance - 1Cr (2) Health Insurance (1) Company Insurance - 3L (MySelf, Spouse, 2 Kids, Father and Mother) (2) Personal Insurance - 25L (Star Health Assure Floater Policy - MySelf, Spouse, 2 Kids) (3) Emergency Fund - 5L in Debt Fund (ICICI All Season Bond) Current Asset Allocation: (1) Real Estate - 46% (2) Equity - 20% (3) Gold - 11% (4) Debt - 9% (5) Retirement - 16% Investment Plan: (1) Debt - 25% (2) PPFAS Flexi Cap MF - 20% (3) Axis Mid Cap MF - 17% (4) Quant HealthCare MF - 9% (5) Tata Digital MF - 6% (6) Global Fund - 5% (7) UTI Nifty 50 Index - 10% (8) Stocks - 8% Other Investment (Retirement Plan): SSY - 1.5L/Year PF - 2.5L/Year Investment duration: Next 15Years Can you please guide me in the following questions (1) The Allocation to MF are fine or need to be modified? (2) Can you suggest the allocation to Global Stocks MF? (3) The Global Fund suggestion if any It would be grateful if any other things I need to consider or modify. Thank you in advance!
Ans: Hello;

My feedback is as given below:

1. First your term life cover is not adequate. It should be enhanced to
2-3 Cr.

2. Healthcare coverage for your parents is relatively lower considering that they may be in the higher age band hence higher possibility of medical risks.

3. Emergency fund should be parked in overnight/liquid or arbitrage fund. Never in a dynamic bond fund with Macaulay duration of 3-4 years. Returns are not that important as liquidity and low risk for emergency fund.

4. Considering your age the allocation to equity is quite low. Assuming that you have a conservative risk profile still you should atleast have 40% allocation to equity mutual funds(not direct stocks) and taper it down gradually as you approach retirement age.

I mean actively managed or passive equity mutual funds and not sectoral and thematic funds(shouldn't be more then 10-15% of your equity allocation).

5. You already have exposure to global stocks through your flexicap fund. In addition to that you have 5% allocation to global stocks MF which maybe enhanced to 8%.

To maintain neutrality of this forum we are duty bound to avoid indicating fund house preference or recommendation.

6. Allocation to Gold should be max 10% of the portfolio.

7. Consider NPS for retirement planning. It's an E-E-E type of investment with very less withdrawals allowed before 60.

Happy Investing;
X: @mars_invest

...Read more

Dr Ashish

Dr Ashish Sehgal  |118 Answers  |Ask -

Relationships Expert, Mind Coach - Answered on Jan 04, 2025

Relationship
Dear Doctor, Greetings of the day. I am a married man with two daughters. Ours was an intercaste love marriage, and I was fully aware of my wife’s past before we got married. At that time, I had no issues with her past as I believed she had moved on, and I was completely fine with it. We got married in 2008, and due to my job profile, we had to live away from our hometown. My wife is a highly educated woman, and she sacrificed her career to focus on raising our children. Once our younger daughter turned 9, we decided it was time for my wife to resume her professional career. She started a naturopathy clinic in our hometown, while I continued working in another city, living the life of a “forced bachelor.” However, after a year of being apart, I started missing my family deeply. I decided to leave my job and take up another role closer to our hometown so that I could spend weekends with my family. Since then, whenever I visit home, I sense a change in my wife’s behavior and body language. Things do not feel the same between us anymore. I have observed that her ex-boyfriend, who lives near her parents’ house, is a factor in this situation. Her ex’s elder sister frequently visits my wife’s clinic, and my wife also visits her parents’ house regularly, where he is around. I feel uneasy about this because her ex is known to be a drunkard and a manipulative man who can play with her mind. On one occasion, during a family function, he approached me, seemingly about to start a conversation, but my wife made a subtle signal, and he immediately stopped. He was drunk at the time, and that incident has been stuck in my mind ever since. I am unsure how to deal with this situation or what steps to take moving forward. It is affecting my peace of mind, and I feel lost. Kindly guide me on how to approach this matter.
Ans: It’s understandable that you’re feeling uneasy and concerned about the situation. Relationships, especially long-term ones, evolve over time, and external factors can create complex dynamics. Here’s a step-by-step approach to help you navigate this:

1. Clarify Your Feelings
Reflect on what exactly is making you uncomfortable—your wife’s behavior, her interactions with her ex, or the idea that her past might be resurfacing.
Separate your assumptions from facts. It’s important to ensure your concerns are grounded in reality and not solely based on fears.
2. Open Communication with Your Wife
Choose a calm and private moment to talk to your wife. Share your feelings without accusations or judgment.
Use “I” statements, such as:
“I’ve been feeling uneasy about some things and would like to discuss them with you. I value our relationship and want to ensure we’re on the same page.”
Be honest but gentle. Aim to understand her perspective and ensure she feels safe sharing her thoughts with you.
3. Understand Her Perspective
Ask her how she’s feeling about the current state of your relationship, her work-life balance, and your family dynamics.
Inquire about her interactions with her ex’s family and clarify if they are merely coincidental or something more deliberate.
4. Establish Boundaries
If the situation with her ex is a source of discomfort for you, it’s okay to express that and set boundaries together.
For example: “I respect your independence, but I feel uneasy about the proximity to your ex. Can we find a way to address this together?”
5. Revisit the Relationship Foundation
Long-distance and career changes can create emotional gaps. Reconnect with your wife by revisiting shared goals, dreams, and moments that brought you together.
Plan activities together, even small ones, that allow you to strengthen your bond.
6. Self-Care
Feeling lost and restless can impact your mental and emotional health. Engage in activities that help you stay grounded, such as exercise, meditation, or journaling.
Seek support from trusted friends or a counselor if you need a safe space to process your feelings.
7. Consider Professional Guidance
If the situation continues to strain your relationship, couples counseling can be a constructive way to work through concerns with an objective third party.
8. Evaluate the Bigger Picture
Look at your wife’s overall behavior and commitment to the family. If her actions consistently demonstrate care and loyalty, the presence of her ex might be less significant than it feels.
Conversely, if her behavior indicates distance or secrecy, it may warrant deeper introspection and conversation.
Key Principles
Trust but Verify: While trust is essential, it’s okay to seek clarity when something feels off.
Non-Confrontational Approach: Avoid making accusations or assumptions. Focus on fostering mutual understanding.
Focus on Solutions: Work together to create a relationship environment where both of you feel secure and valued.
This is a sensitive issue, but with open communication and a collaborative approach, you can work toward restoring peace of mind and a deeper connection in your marriage.

...Read more

Dr Ashish

Dr Ashish Sehgal  |118 Answers  |Ask -

Relationships Expert, Mind Coach - Answered on Jan 04, 2025

Asked by Anonymous - Dec 28, 2024Hindi
Relationship
Hi expert I’m a 48-year-old man from Bangalore. I am watching your videos on instagram and need your advice. Recently, I joined Instagram in search of answers to some personal, painful questions that I’ve never had the courage to discuss with anyone before. I’ve been married since 2007, and we have a 15-year-old son. Despite being in a long-term marriage, I often feel uncertain about my relationship with my wife and my family. At times, I wonder if my wife—or anyone in my family—truly loves or even cares for me. This feeling of being emotionally disconnected has led me to occasionally think that I might be better off alone, or even running away from everything. One issue I struggle with is communication with my wife. Whenever I try to discuss personal or family matters with her, she gets upset, and her anger usually leads to silence between us until I apologize. It feels like I can’t express myself openly without the fear of making things worse. This dynamic has created a barrier, and I’ve found it difficult to have meaningful conversations or resolve issues. Another complication is the lack of harmony between my wife and my family. From the early days of our marriage, my family never really accepted her, and there has always been tension. They didn’t make an effort to treat her well, and over time, it became clear that they don’t get along. As a result, there’s a deep sense of isolation for her in my family, and that only adds to the strain in our relationship. At home, I also often feel like I fail to meet expectations. My wife gets angry when things aren’t done the way she wants them to be, and I sometimes find myself unsure of how to navigate these situations. I feel like I’m constantly walking on eggshells, trying to avoid conflict, but in doing so, I’m unsure whether I’m making the right choices or whether I’m neglecting my own needs in the process. I’m reaching out for advice because I’m at a point where I feel lost. I’m not sure how to repair the relationships in my life or how to stop feeling so isolated. Any guidance or perspective you can offer would be greatly appreciated.
Ans: Thank you for sharing your story so openly and honestly. I understand how overwhelming it can feel to navigate such complex emotions and relationships, especially when you feel uncertain about where to turn for guidance. Let’s take this step-by-step to explore ways to help you find clarity and strengthen your relationships.

1. Instagram as a Starting Point, Not the Solution
It’s important to acknowledge that while platforms like Instagram can offer inspiration and helpful insights, they’re not designed for addressing deeply personal issues. Content on social media is often generalized and may lack the depth, context, and nuance needed to resolve complex challenges. What you’re experiencing deserves more personalized attention and a safe, professional space where you can explore your thoughts, emotions, and relationship dynamics in depth. Seeking professional help—such as therapy or counseling—will allow you to find tailored solutions that fit your unique circumstances.

2. Understanding Emotional Disconnect
Feeling emotionally disconnected in your marriage and questioning whether your family loves or cares for you can be incredibly painful. These feelings might not reflect the absence of love but rather difficulties in how love and care are communicated within your relationships. Emotional disconnection often stems from patterns of interaction or unmet emotional needs, which can build over time. Recognizing this can help you shift your focus from self-doubt to exploring ways to improve connection and communication with your loved ones.

3. Improving Communication with Your Wife
A recurring theme in your situation is the challenge of communication with your wife. Here are a few strategies to address this:

Choose Neutral Moments: Initiate conversations at a time when both of you are calm and free from immediate stress. Avoid starting sensitive discussions during or right after a conflict.
Express Feelings, Not Faults: Frame your concerns using “I” statements to share your feelings without sounding accusatory. For example, instead of saying, “You always get upset when I talk,” you could say, “I feel hesitant to share my thoughts because I worry about upsetting you.”
Listen Actively: Show her that her perspective matters by listening without interrupting. Reflect on what she says to ensure she feels heard.
Consider Structured Check-Ins: Set aside regular time (e.g., once a week) to discuss family matters or emotions. This can create a safe space for open dialogue without the pressure of immediate resolution.
4. Addressing Family Tensions
The tension between your wife and your family has likely added significant strain to your marriage. While this dynamic is challenging, there are steps you can take to navigate it:

Acknowledge Your Wife’s Experience: Validate her feelings about her struggles with your family. Let her know that you understand how difficult it’s been for her to feel isolated.
Set Boundaries with Your Family: It’s important to prioritize your marriage while still maintaining a respectful relationship with your family. This might involve gently but firmly communicating to your family that you expect them to treat your wife with respect, even if they don’t share a close bond.
Avoid Forcing Reconciliation: Instead of trying to make your wife and family “get along,” focus on small steps to reduce tension. Highlight shared interests or goals, but respect their individual boundaries.
5. Managing Expectations and Conflicts at Home
It’s clear that you feel under pressure to meet expectations and avoid conflict at home. To navigate this:

Clarify Expectations: Have an open conversation with your wife about her specific expectations and how you can meet them without compromising your own needs. Share your expectations as well, so you both have a clearer understanding of each other’s perspectives.
Practice Self-Care: Taking care of your mental and physical health is crucial. Whether through exercise, hobbies, or relaxation techniques, find activities that help you manage stress and maintain emotional balance.
Respond, Don’t React: When conflicts arise, take a moment to pause and reflect before responding. This can help you approach the situation with calmness and clarity.
6. Seeking Professional Help
Given the complexity of your situation, seeking professional guidance could be immensely beneficial. Options include:

Marriage Counseling: A therapist can provide a neutral space where both you and your wife can work through communication challenges and emotional disconnection. This can help you rebuild trust and strengthen your bond.
Individual Therapy: If you’re feeling isolated or questioning your self-worth, therapy can help you explore these feelings, gain clarity, and develop strategies for personal growth and resilience.
Family Counseling: If you want to address the broader family dynamics, family therapy can help facilitate understanding and harmony among all parties involved.
7. Reflecting on Your Needs
Finally, take time to reflect on your own emotional needs. What do you truly want from your relationships? What makes you feel valued and loved? Communicating these needs to your wife and family can help them understand how to support you better.

A Final Thought
You’ve taken a courageous first step by acknowledging your struggles and seeking advice. While the path ahead may feel uncertain, remember that meaningful change is possible with consistent effort, patience, and the right support. You don’t have to go through this alone, and seeking professional help can provide the tools you need to rebuild connection and find peace in your relationships.

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Kanchan

Kanchan Rai  |466 Answers  |Ask -

Relationships Expert, Mind Coach - Answered on Jan 04, 2025

Asked by Anonymous - Jan 01, 2025Hindi
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Relationship
Hello Mam Age 42. Double divorcee. Recently I have been meeting my old college friend & we sort of know each other for the last 2 decades. At college we were more of acquaintances & post that we were connected through social media. We would sometimes connect but not on regular basis. She is also a divorcee. However in 2024 we have been meeting quite regularly. When we meet she is very nice & has been warm with me; we go out have fun. But there are things like she keeps hiding from me. She goes on overnight tours with her 'friends' ; she never introduces me to her friends ( I mean friends with whom she goes out). I told her that I am ok with your 'friends' but she sorts of backs away. Also then there have been some unexplained gaps (she turns cold all of a sudden) & then comes out very warm. All these days & I have developed strong feelings for her. Just wanted to get your perspective on what you think is her stance towards me.
Ans: It’s possible that her past experiences have made her cautious. After going through a divorce, people often carry emotional baggage or fears about vulnerability and trust. These feelings can make someone hesitant to fully open up or commit, even if they’re genuinely interested in the connection. Her keeping parts of her life private, like her outings with friends, might be her way of maintaining control and independence as she navigates her own emotions and what she wants for her future.

Another perspective to consider is that she may be uncertain about the nature of your relationship or how she feels about moving forward. The warm and cold behavior could be a reflection of her trying to figure out her own emotions. She might enjoy spending time with you but feel hesitant about diving deeper due to unresolved feelings from her past or uncertainties about what a long-term commitment would look like.

This inconsistency might also stem from her valuing her independence and wanting to keep certain aspects of her life separate until she feels more certain about how to integrate you into those spaces. For some, introducing a new partner to close friends or family is a significant step that they might delay until they feel fully ready.

It’s important for you to approach this situation with patience and open communication. Rather than focusing on her actions as signs of rejection or disinterest, try to have a heartfelt conversation about how you feel and what you’ve observed. Share your feelings honestly and express your desire to understand her better. Ask her about her thoughts and boundaries in a way that shows you’re genuinely interested in her perspective, not just seeking answers for your own clarity.

At the same time, reflect on your own needs and expectations. Consider whether you’re comfortable with the pace and level of openness in this relationship. It’s essential to strike a balance where both of you feel valued and respected without feeling pressured or overwhelmed.

Remember that relationships, especially those formed later in life, often take time to develop deeper trust and understanding. Her actions don’t necessarily mean she’s not interested; they might just reflect her personal journey and the pace at which she’s comfortable moving. With time, communication, and mutual understanding, you can work together to determine whether your connection has the potential to grow into something more fulfilling and stable.

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Kanchan

Kanchan Rai  |466 Answers  |Ask -

Relationships Expert, Mind Coach - Answered on Jan 04, 2025

Asked by Anonymous - Jan 03, 2025Hindi
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Relationship
Meri wife ka past me 7 saal ka relationship tha lekin wo log apne ghar pe baat nahi kar paye . Wo bolti hai ki usko kb ka bhul gai hai aur mere saath pyaar karti hai kya aisa ho sakta hai, 7 saal bahut badi baat hoti hai
Ans: Jo cheez aapko ab karni chahiye, wo hai apni wife ke saath ek imaandaar aur khuli baat. Aap apne dil ki baat unse bina kisi ilzaam ke share karein, jaise ki, "Mujhe kabhi-kabhi lagta hai ki tumhare purane rishton ka asar hamare present par pad raha hoga. Main tumse is baare mein baat karna chahta hoon taaki mujhe clarity mile aur humare beech aur zyada trust ho."

Unka jawab sunte waqt unhe judge na karein. Shayad unka past ek important hissa tha, lekin iska matlab yeh nahi ki wo apne present mein apko kam mahatvapurn samajhti hain. Kai baar log apne purane jazbat ko samay ke saath puri tarah process karke unhe peeche chhod dete hain, aur yeh natural hai.

Saath hi, khud par bhi dhyan deejiyega. Apne jazbat aur insecurities ko samajhne ki koshish karein. Kai baar humein jo chinta hoti hai wo doosre ke actions ke wajah se nahi, balki humare apne assumptions ke kaaran hoti hai. Aap apne mann ko itna shant rakhne ki koshish karein ki aap apne rishte ko vishwas aur pyar ke saath aage le jaa sakein.

Agar aapko lagta hai ki aap dono ke beech in baaton ko lekar clarity aur emotional connection ki zarurat hai, to ek counselor ya therapist ki madad lena ek accha option ho sakta hai. Yeh aap dono ke rishte ko aur mazboot karne mein madad karega aur past ke koi bhi unresolved jazbat ko resolve karne ka mauka dega.

Yaad rakhiye, ek strong relationship trust, communication aur shared commitment ke bina nahi banta. Agar aap dono sach mein ek-dusre se pyaar karte hain aur ek dusre ka respect karte hain, to har muskil ka hal mil jayega.

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Kanchan

Kanchan Rai  |466 Answers  |Ask -

Relationships Expert, Mind Coach - Answered on Jan 04, 2025

Asked by Anonymous - Jan 04, 2025Hindi
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Relationship
I am in relationship with a girl since 9 years, Yes we have came through a lot of ups & downs in our relationship, constant fights on same things , what i have always observed is that she doesn’t respect my family as my family was not ready for this relationship as future(marriage), so lately i have convinced my family for it & even their family also ready now, I see my family are not happy with this marriage but they are doing for my happiness, since now they are ready, I see very less changes in my gf’s approach towards my family, most of the thing I listen from her mouth are Anti-Family things like separation or against my families thoughts. I am really worried of how my future after marriage considering her, She even asks me to get separated from family, if things doesn’t work between them. Please help me in this situation
Ans: Marriage is not just about love between two people—it’s about aligning values, fostering respect, and building a shared vision for the future. If your girlfriend continues to express "anti-family" sentiments or encourages separation as a solution, it’s worth exploring whether this stems from unresolved fears, insecurities, or deeper incompatibilities in how you both view family relationships. These issues won’t magically resolve after marriage; in fact, they often intensify when unaddressed.

The key here is open communication. Have an honest, non-confrontational conversation with her about your concerns. Share how much it means to you that she respects your family and how her current attitude makes you feel. Equally, try to understand her perspective without judgment. This discussion isn’t about assigning blame but about finding common ground and exploring whether you both can work through these differences.

At the same time, reflect deeply on your own expectations and boundaries. Consider what a happy and fulfilling marriage looks like for you. If respect for your family and shared values about how to navigate family relationships are non-negotiables for you, it’s essential to make that clear and see whether she is willing to meet you halfway.

If these issues feel too difficult to resolve alone, seeking pre-marital counseling or relationship therapy can provide a safe space to address them constructively. Sometimes, having a neutral third party facilitate these conversations can lead to breakthroughs that are hard to achieve on your own.

Remember, marriage is a lifelong commitment, and entering into it with unresolved doubts or concerns can lead to deeper struggles later on. Take the time to ensure that both of you are ready not just to marry but to build a life that respects and honors each other's values and families.

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