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Ramalingam

Ramalingam Kalirajan  |7510 Answers  |Ask -

Mutual Funds, Financial Planning Expert - Answered on May 12, 2024

Ramalingam Kalirajan has over 23 years of experience in mutual funds and financial planning.
He has an MBA in finance from the University of Madras and is a certified financial planner.
He is the director and chief financial planner at Holistic Investment, a Chennai-based firm that offers financial planning and wealth management advice.... more
Asked by Anonymous - Apr 20, 2024Hindi
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Hello Sir, I am 36 yrs old IT professional, earned good amount of money from my jobs at different companies but I have lost everything in the stock market while doing options trading. I have stopped the stock market options trading now, please guide how can I start saving and investing to get good returns for my kids education. Currently no savings and no investments.

Ans: I'm truly sorry to hear about your difficult experience with the stock market. It's not easy, but you've taken a positive step by seeking guidance on how to rebuild your financial future.

Firstly, I want to commend you for recognizing the need for change and halting your options trading. It takes courage to reassess and pivot, especially after setbacks.

Now, let's focus on rebuilding. Since you're starting from scratch, it's crucial to prioritize savings. Begin by setting up an emergency fund to cover unexpected expenses. Aim for at least six months' worth of living expenses.

Once your emergency fund is established, it's time to think about investing for your kids' education. Given your past experience, cautious investing is key. Consider diversified mutual funds managed by professionals. These funds spread your investment across various assets, reducing risk.

Regular funds, managed through a Certified Financial Planner, offer personalized guidance and oversight, helping you navigate the complexities of the market.

While index funds may seem appealing for their low fees, they lack the active management that can help mitigate risks and seize opportunities in volatile markets.

Remember, investing is a long-term commitment. Stay patient and disciplined, and avoid the temptation of get-rich-quick schemes.

You've already demonstrated resilience by seeking advice. With careful planning and prudent investing, you can rebuild your financial stability and secure your children's future education.

Best Regards,

K. Ramalingam, MBA, CFP,

Chief Financial Planner,

www.holisticinvestment.in
DISCLAIMER: The content of this post by the expert is the personal view of the rediffGURU. Users are advised to pursue the information provided by the rediffGURU only as a source of information to be as a point of reference and to rely on their own judgement when making a decision.
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Ramalingam

Ramalingam Kalirajan  |7510 Answers  |Ask -

Mutual Funds, Financial Planning Expert - Answered on Apr 15, 2024

Asked by Anonymous - Apr 15, 2024Hindi
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Money
Hi sir M 34 years old and my income is just 22k help me how to plan and save for my kids and education one is 7yrs old and one is 5yrs old and m leaving in rented house till now no investment nothing pls guide me as m going down day by day and not able to concentrate on anything and help me planning financially as i want to educate my kids well and how to invest for more income and any scholarship also let me know
Ans: I understand your concerns about financial planning, especially with the responsibility of your children's education on your shoulders. Here's a simplified plan to help you get started:

Emergency Fund: Start by building an emergency fund. Aim to save at least 3-6 months' worth of expenses. This fund will provide a safety net in case of unexpected expenses or job loss.

Budgeting: Create a monthly budget to track your income and expenses. This will help you identify areas where you can cut back on expenses and save more.

Children's Education: For your children's education, consider investing in a Sukanya Samriddhi Yojana (SSY) or Public Provident Fund (PPF). These are government-backed schemes with tax benefits that can help you save for their future education.

Investments: With a monthly income of 22k, it's crucial to start small but consistent investments. Look for Systematic Investment Plans (SIPs) in mutual funds that align with your risk tolerance and investment goals. Even a small amount invested regularly can grow significantly over time.

Scholarships: Research and apply for scholarships for your children. Many organizations and educational institutions offer scholarships based on merit or financial need.

Rental House: While renting provides flexibility, consider your long-term housing needs. If possible, start saving for a down payment on a house. Owning a home can provide stability and serve as an investment for the future.

Additional Income: Explore ways to increase your income, such as taking up a part-time job or freelancing. Every extra rupee can make a difference in your savings and investments.

Remember, financial planning is a journey, not a destination. Start small, stay consistent, and review your plan regularly to make necessary adjustments. Seek advice from a financial advisor if needed to tailor a plan that suits your specific situation and goals.

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Ramalingam

Ramalingam Kalirajan  |7510 Answers  |Ask -

Mutual Funds, Financial Planning Expert - Answered on May 19, 2024

Asked by Anonymous - May 18, 2024Hindi
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Money
Hi sir my age is 29 how to start in investment my one income 900 rupees I don't have any savings please help me how to savings stat and investment plans
Ans: It's great that you want to start investing and saving. With an income of ?900 per month, it can be challenging, but every small step counts. Let’s explore how you can begin saving and investing.

Understanding Your Current Financial Situation
First, understand your income and expenses. Track your monthly spending to identify areas where you can cut back. Even small savings can add up over time.

Setting Realistic Goals
Start with small, achievable goals. Aim to save a portion of your income each month. This helps build a habit of saving.

Creating a Budget
Track Income and Expenses

List all your monthly income and expenses.
Identify non-essential expenses you can reduce or eliminate.
Allocate Savings

Aim to save at least 10% of your income. With ?900, this means saving ?90 each month.
Emergency Fund

Build an emergency fund for unexpected expenses. Start small, aim for ?500 initially.
Saving Methods
Savings Account

Open a basic savings account. It’s safe and earns a small interest.
Recurring Deposit (RD)

Consider starting a recurring deposit with your bank. You can deposit a small fixed amount each month. It’s a disciplined way to save.
Basic Investment Options
Systematic Investment Plans (SIPs)

Start a SIP with as little as ?500 per month. Mutual funds have options for low initial investments. SIPs help in disciplined investing and can offer good returns over time.
Public Provident Fund (PPF)

PPF is a safe and long-term investment option. You can start with small amounts and increase contributions as your income grows.
Government Schemes
Pradhan Mantri Jan Dhan Yojana (PMJDY)

Open a Jan Dhan account. It offers no minimum balance requirement and other benefits like insurance.
Atal Pension Yojana (APY)

A pension scheme for workers in the unorganised sector. You can contribute small amounts to secure your retirement.
Increasing Your Income
Skill Development

Invest in learning new skills to increase your earning potential. Look for free or low-cost courses online.
Part-Time Work

Consider part-time jobs or freelancing to supplement your income. This additional income can boost your savings and investment capacity.
Discipline and Patience
Consistency

Regular saving and investing, no matter how small, will yield results over time. Be consistent with your contributions.
Avoid Debt

Avoid unnecessary loans or credit. If you must borrow, ensure you can manage the repayments.
Reviewing and Adjusting
Regular Review

Review your budget and savings plan regularly. Adjust your savings and investment as your income grows.
Seek Advice

Consult a Certified Financial Planner for personalized advice as your financial situation evolves.

Starting with a small income can be tough, but your determination to save and invest is commendable. Every rupee saved is a step towards financial security. Stay committed, and over time, you’ll see the benefits of your disciplined approach.

Conclusion
Beginning your investment journey at 29 with a limited income is challenging but possible. Start by creating a budget, saving consistently, and exploring safe investment options. Increase your income through skill development and part-time work. Regularly review your progress and adjust your plan as needed. Your commitment to saving and investing will pave the way for a secure financial future.

Best Regards,

K. Ramalingam, MBA, CFP,

Chief Financial Planner,

www.holisticinvestment.in

..Read more

Ramalingam

Ramalingam Kalirajan  |7510 Answers  |Ask -

Mutual Funds, Financial Planning Expert - Answered on Aug 21, 2024

Asked by Anonymous - May 26, 2024Hindi
Money
Sir,I m 43 year old, working in pvt college and getting 60000per month,pls elaborate me about investing and savings for my retirement and present expenses as I have two kids one is 16year and another one is 12 year
Ans: At 43 years old, with a monthly income of Rs. 60,000, your financial goals should include both immediate and long-term objectives. These goals would typically cover day-to-day expenses, children’s education, and retirement planning. Let’s break down how you can balance your current needs with future savings.

Managing Current Expenses
You have two children, aged 16 and 12, and it’s vital to manage your monthly expenses carefully. A clear budget is the foundation of good financial planning.

Household Expenses: Ensure your essential expenses are well-covered. These include food, utilities, and other daily necessities. Try to allocate a specific amount each month to prevent overspending.

Children’s Education: With children at 16 and 12 years old, educational expenses will increase, especially as your older child approaches higher education. Plan for tuition fees, books, and other related costs.

Emergency Fund: Maintain an emergency fund equivalent to at least six months of your monthly income. This fund will protect you from unexpected financial burdens like medical emergencies or job loss.

Allocating Savings for Future Needs
Balancing current expenses with savings for future needs is key to long-term financial security. Let’s explore how you can start saving efficiently.

Retirement Planning: You’re currently 43 years old, so retirement is still some years away. However, starting early is important. Consider contributing 20-30% of your income towards retirement savings. Look for options that offer a balance between growth and safety.

Children’s Higher Education: Higher education can be costly. Start investing in a dedicated plan for your children’s education. This should be separate from your retirement savings to avoid depleting your retirement funds.

Investment Options for a Secure Future
With a stable income, it’s crucial to explore the right investment options to grow your wealth. A diversified approach is recommended, keeping in mind your risk tolerance and time horizon.

Diversified Mutual Funds
Balanced Growth: Diversified mutual funds offer a mix of equity and debt, balancing risk and reward. This type of fund is ideal if you’re looking for moderate growth without exposing your investments to excessive risk.

Professional Management: Actively managed mutual funds are handled by professional fund managers who adjust the portfolio based on market conditions. This offers you peace of mind, knowing that experts are managing your investments.

Regular Savings: Systematic Investment Plans (SIPs) allow you to invest small amounts regularly. SIPs help in averaging out market volatility and building wealth over time.

Disadvantages of Index Funds and Direct Funds
You might come across index funds or direct funds as investment options. While they may seem appealing due to lower fees, they come with certain disadvantages.

Index Funds: These funds passively track an index and do not try to outperform the market. While fees are lower, they may not provide the returns you need, especially during market downturns. The lack of active management could result in missed opportunities.

Direct Funds: Direct funds cut out the intermediary, saving on commission fees. However, this approach requires you to manage and monitor your investments closely. It’s easy to make mistakes without expert guidance. Regular funds, on the other hand, offer the benefit of advice from a Certified Financial Planner, who can help optimize your investments.

Tax-Efficient Investments
Tax efficiency is a critical aspect of your financial plan. Choosing investments that offer tax benefits can maximize your returns.

Tax-Saving Instruments: Look into options that provide deductions under Section 80C, such as Public Provident Fund (PPF) or certain life insurance plans. These not only help in saving taxes but also ensure a safe return on your investment.

Long-Term Capital Gains: Consider investments that are taxed as long-term capital gains (LTCG) after a holding period. LTCG tax rates are generally lower than income tax rates, making them a tax-efficient option for wealth growth.

Insurance: Protecting Your Family’s Future
Insurance is an essential part of financial planning. It ensures that your family is financially protected in case of any unforeseen events.

Life Insurance: If you haven’t already, consider purchasing a term life insurance plan. This type of insurance provides a high coverage amount at a lower premium, ensuring your family’s financial security if something happens to you.

Health Insurance: With increasing healthcare costs, it’s important to have a comprehensive health insurance policy. This should cover you and your family, including any critical illness riders if possible.

Evaluating Your Retirement Corpus
When planning for retirement, it’s important to estimate the corpus you’ll need. The amount should be sufficient to cover your living expenses without relying on others.

Inflation: Consider inflation when planning your retirement corpus. The cost of living will increase over time, so your savings should be able to provide you with a comfortable lifestyle even 20-30 years from now.

Pension Options: If your employer offers a pension plan, review the benefits. If not, consider setting up a self-managed retirement plan that includes a mix of investments and savings.

Creating a Long-Term Investment Plan
A long-term investment plan is necessary to ensure that your savings grow steadily. This plan should include a mix of short-term and long-term investments, catering to different financial goals.

Equity Exposure: With 15-20 years until retirement, you can afford to have some exposure to equity investments. Equities have the potential to deliver higher returns over the long term, though they come with higher risks.

Debt Instruments: Complement your equity investments with safer debt instruments like bonds or fixed deposits. This will balance your portfolio and provide a steady income stream with lower risk.

Regular Review and Adjustment
A financial plan is not a one-time activity. Regularly reviewing and adjusting your plan is crucial to keep up with changes in your life and in the market.

Annual Review: Set aside time each year to review your financial plan. Assess whether your investments are performing as expected and whether you need to make any changes.

Goal Adjustment: As your children grow older and your financial situation changes, you may need to adjust your goals. Ensure your plan remains aligned with your evolving needs.

Final Insights
Balancing current expenses with future savings is a delicate task, but it’s entirely achievable with a disciplined approach. Prioritizing your children’s education, creating a solid retirement plan, and choosing tax-efficient, diversified investments will help you build a secure financial future. Regular reviews and adjustments to your plan will ensure you stay on track to meet your goals.

Best Regards,

K. Ramalingam, MBA, CFP,

Chief Financial Planner,

www.holisticinvestment.in

..Read more

Ramalingam

Ramalingam Kalirajan  |7510 Answers  |Ask -

Mutual Funds, Financial Planning Expert - Answered on Jul 18, 2024

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I am 63 year old retired government employee, getting a monthly pension of Rs.80000. My son is in a IT firm and daughter is studying in Engineering college. They are yet to be married off. Have FD of Rs.35 lakhs. Please advise me on savings. Can I invest in stock.. can I start stock trading.. or MF through SIP.
Ans: Current Financial Status

At 63, you have a stable monthly pension of Rs 80,000. Your financial responsibilities include supporting your daughter’s education and future marriages of both children. You also have an FD of Rs 35 lakhs.

Financial Goals

Support your daughter’s education.
Ensure financial stability for your children’s marriages.
Maintain your own financial security and peace of mind.
Evaluating Investment Options

Considering your age and responsibilities, a balanced approach to investments is crucial. Here are some points to consider:

Fixed Deposits (FDs)

Pros: Safe, predictable returns, and easy access.
Cons: Low returns compared to other investment options.
Stock Market Investments

Pros: High growth potential.
Cons: High risk, requires market knowledge and regular monitoring.
Mutual Funds (SIPs)

Pros: Diversified, professionally managed, can provide higher returns than FDs.
Cons: Market risks, though lower than direct stock trading.
Investment Recommendations

Given your situation, here’s a balanced investment strategy:

Increase Diversification

Mutual Funds via SIPs: Invest in balanced or hybrid mutual funds. These funds invest in both equity and debt instruments, offering a balance of risk and return.
Debt Mutual Funds: Consider debt mutual funds for safer returns. These are less volatile than equity funds and offer better returns than FDs.
Emergency Fund

Maintain an emergency fund equivalent to 6-12 months of expenses in a liquid fund. This ensures easy access to funds in case of emergencies.

Health and Life Insurance

Health Insurance: Ensure you have adequate health insurance coverage. Healthcare costs can be high, and insurance will provide financial protection.
Life Insurance: If not already in place, consider a term insurance plan to secure your family’s financial future.
Estate Planning

Will: Prepare a will to ensure your assets are distributed as per your wishes. This will provide clarity and peace of mind to your family.
Tax Efficiency

Tax-Saving Investments: Maximize investments in tax-saving instruments under Section 80C, 80D, and other applicable sections to reduce taxable income.
Regular Review: Annually review your tax-saving strategies to ensure they are effective.
Avoid High-Risk Investments

Given your age and responsibilities, avoid high-risk investments like direct stock trading. Stick to diversified and professionally managed funds.

Disadvantages of Index Funds

Index funds have limited flexibility and may underperform actively managed funds. Actively managed funds, through an MFD with CFP credentials, provide professional management and better growth potential.

Disadvantages of Direct Funds

Direct funds might seem cost-effective but require time and expertise. Regular funds through an MFD with CFP credentials offer better management and growth.

Regular Review and Adjustment

Monitor Investments: Regularly review your portfolio. Adjust based on performance and market conditions.
Certified Financial Planner: Consult a Certified Financial Planner for personalized advice. They can help you stay on track with your goals.
Final Insights

At 63, a balanced and cautious investment approach is crucial. Increase your investments in mutual funds via SIPs, maintain an emergency fund, and ensure adequate insurance coverage. Avoid high-risk investments like direct stock trading. Regularly review your financial plan and consult a Certified Financial Planner for tailored advice. This will help you achieve your financial goals and maintain peace of mind.

Best Regards,

K. Ramalingam, MBA, CFP,

Chief Financial Planner,

www.holisticinvestment.in

..Read more

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Ravi

Ravi Mittal  |504 Answers  |Ask -

Dating, Relationships Expert - Answered on Jan 15, 2025

Relationship
Hello sir/ma'am, i am 24 yrs old and my boy friend 25 yrs old.I met him in a friendly chat app .We were talking on calls,texting and video calls and met each other in real after a 1 yr of relationship.He is the first guy and love in my life and want to marry him.I even made my family to agree for our marriage.He too says he loves me so much and has imagined his life with me and want to marry me.He even told his parents will stick on to whatever he says.He hasn't yet conveyed to his parents yet and told he will introduce to them after his younger sister marriage.We both are students still. I recently found that,he goes to the chat apps again and chats to other girls.When i asked ..he told just friends and even questioned me saying don't u have guy friends? and don't u meet them?....i told him u r the first guy n i dont have any. When our relationship has gone till marriage...why is that he wants to chat to multiple girls?...Now,i started feeling like he doesn't love me as he expressed. He even had past 3 online relationships n all 3 breakups,he told all these before..he told i am the first girl in real life.. I am worried now.Why do guys chat with multiple girls though they are in a serious relation?..does he really love or is it a game? No physical between us.We just met once in a temple and he just kissed my hands while we are going back and got very emotional while he was about to leave. I am worried..what should i do?.please,suggest.
Ans: Dear Ammarao,
Not all men chat with multiple women when they are serious about their relationship. Some might, but most men in exclusive relationships don't continue chatting. If his chats are truly friendly, there isn't much to worry about. But if you think there is more to it, I would suggest you reconsider the relationship.

Please talk to him directly and ask him if these women are only friends and if they know he is in a committed relationship. If he is being too defensive, you can tell him that in a relationship, it is also important to focus on what your partner is comfortable with. If you do not like these online friendships, communicate it to him.

I hope this helps.

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Ravi

Ravi Mittal  |504 Answers  |Ask -

Dating, Relationships Expert - Answered on Jan 15, 2025

Asked by Anonymous - Jan 15, 2025Hindi
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Relationship
Recently, I (28M) had surgery and have been bedridden for 15 days. During this time, my girlfriend told me her female friend wanted to meet up with a guy. This guy was bringing along a male friend whom I’ve asked my girlfriend to avoid in the past because he tends to get touchy with her. They planned to stay in a hotel, and her friend wanted to be with the guy at night, meaning my girlfriend and the touchy guy would likely share a single room. A couple of days before the trip, she asked me if she should go. I told her it was her choice but made it clear I wasn’t happy about it. Despite that, she went, and when I confronted her, she gave responses like: • “I didn’t invite the touchy guy; the other guy did.” • “Just because you’re bedridden, you don’t want me to go outside.” • “I didn’t touch him; he got touchy with me.” Yeah, maybe I’m jealous or overthinking, but this whole situation has made me unsure about marriage altogether. Am I overreacting?
Ans: Dear Anonymous,
I really cannot comment if you are overreacting or have every reason to feel this way without knowing a bit more about the entire situation. But what I can tell is that you should communicate your feelings to your partner. Let her know that while maintaining individuality or pursuing individual wishes in a relationship is important, it is equally important to pay heed to what makes your partner uncomfortable. Your request, from what information you have provided, seemed reasonable, while her reasoning that it is the guy's fault, not hers also makes perfect sense. So I think the best course of action is to let the situation calm down and have an open conversation. Could she have avoided this meetup to make you happy? Yes. But, she could've thought that if she avoids one thing for your happiness, you might start asking her to give up more things in the future, which is a real issue in many relationships. I think it is important to clear up all of these concerns and feelings before moving on with lifelong commitment.

Hope this helps

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Nayagam P

Nayagam P P  |4047 Answers  |Ask -

Career Counsellor - Answered on Jan 15, 2025

Asked by Anonymous - Jan 14, 2025Hindi
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Career
This is my second attempt at SSC CGL, and I’ve improved since last year. But I’m still anxious about the descriptive paper. Can you suggest ways to stand out in this section and make my essay and letter writing more impactful?
Ans: The SSC CGL descriptive paper requires a clear, structured, and effective presentation. To improve your essay writing skills, review the subject matter thoroughly and avoid deviations from the central theme. Sketch an initial outline and adhere to a straightforward framework, including an Introduction, Body, and Conclusion. Start with a hook and express your thesis or stance in a concise manner. Arrange arguments in a logical order, using data, examples, and facts to establish credibility. Avoid repetition and maintain brevity.

In summary, concisely summarize the primary themes and offer a fair perspective. Avoid vernacular language and maintain appropriate sentence structure and grammar. Maintain a clean writing style and avoid overwriting.

For writing a letter, adhere to the conventional format, maintain clarity and conciseness, and articulate the purpose in the first paragraph. Use simple language and avoid intricate terminology.

Regularly engage in writing essays and correspondence on various subjects to develop adaptability. Stay informed about the latest news and hot topics. Develop time management skills and consistently proofread your work for errors.

Developing impactful essays and letters with clarity, structure, and content relevance enhances your chances of success in the SSC CGL descriptive paper. All The Best for Your Prosperous Future.

Follow RediffGURUS to Know More on ' Careers | Health | Money | Relationship'.

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Kanchan

Kanchan Rai  |493 Answers  |Ask -

Relationships Expert, Mind Coach - Answered on Jan 15, 2025

Asked by Anonymous - Jan 05, 2025Hindi
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Relationship
How to manage stress?
Ans: The first step is to become aware of what triggers your stress. This self-awareness allows you to address the root causes rather than just the symptoms. Once you identify these triggers, you can start exploring techniques that help you cope effectively.

One effective approach is to incorporate regular self-care practices into your daily routine. This could include activities that bring you joy and relaxation, such as exercise, meditation, or spending time in nature. These practices not only help calm the mind but also improve your overall mood and resilience to stress.

Talking to someone you trust, whether a friend, family member, or professional, can also be a powerful way to manage stress. Sharing your feelings and experiences helps lighten the emotional load and provides different perspectives that might help you navigate your challenges more effectively.

It's also important to focus on what you can control and let go of things that are beyond your influence. This shift in mindset can reduce feelings of helplessness and frustration. Setting realistic expectations for yourself and others can also alleviate unnecessary pressure.

Remember to give yourself permission to rest and recharge. Adequate sleep, a balanced diet, and time for relaxation are essential for managing stress. When you take care of your body and mind, you're better equipped to handle life's demands.

Lastly, cultivating a mindset of gratitude and mindfulness can help you stay present and appreciate the positive aspects of your life, even during stressful times. These practices can create a sense of balance and help you respond to stress in healthier, more constructive ways. By integrating these approaches into your life, you can build resilience and find a sense of peace amidst the chaos.

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Kanchan

Kanchan Rai  |493 Answers  |Ask -

Relationships Expert, Mind Coach - Answered on Jan 15, 2025

Asked by Anonymous - Jan 14, 2025Hindi
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Relationship
Dear Counselor, My husband and I have been together for 11 years, with 10 years of dating and 1 year of marriage. Unfortunately, our relationship has been strained over the past year due to financial disagreements. Before marriage, we discussed his personal loan, which was taken for a land purchase for his mother. The loan repayment amounts to 30% of his salary. He assured me that, except for this loan repayment, he would not contribute financially to his parents' expenses until the loan was paid off. However, his parents are now pressuring him to increase his financial support by 20%. They claim to need help clearing their debts, despite being below 45, physically fit, and earning a sufficient income to support themselves. This situation is causing tension in our marriage, as we had planned to save and invest together, having no property or financial security of our own. I'm finding it challenging to understand why my husband is not prioritizing our financial goals and future together. please help me on this. Thank you for your time and guidance.
Ans: The key here is to approach the situation with empathy and open communication. Your husband likely feels a strong sense of duty towards his parents, which is understandable given cultural and familial expectations. However, it’s also important for him to recognize the commitments and plans you’ve both made as a couple. Balancing these two responsibilities can be difficult, but it’s essential for the health of your relationship.

Start by having a calm and honest conversation with your husband. Express your feelings without blame, focusing on how the situation affects both of you and your shared goals. It’s important that he understands your perspective and how the financial strain is impacting not only your plans but also your emotional well-being.

Encourage him to discuss his feelings and the pressure he’s experiencing from his parents. Sometimes, partners may feel caught between their familial obligations and their commitments to their spouse, leading to stress and internal conflict. Understanding his point of view can help you find common ground.

You might also explore practical solutions together, such as setting clear boundaries on financial support or finding a compromise that allows both your goals and his familial obligations to be met to some extent. This could involve budgeting, setting financial priorities, or seeking financial counseling to help manage the situation more effectively.

Ultimately, it’s about finding a balance that respects both of your needs and ensures that your marriage remains a priority. By working together and communicating openly, you can navigate this challenge and strengthen your relationship.

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Kanchan

Kanchan Rai  |493 Answers  |Ask -

Relationships Expert, Mind Coach - Answered on Jan 15, 2025

Asked by Anonymous - Jan 14, 2025Hindi
Relationship
Hi Mam, I met my ex wife in the college where we both were pursuing out studies. We exchanged contacts and started speaking over phone like couple does. When we fall in live we ourselves don't know as no one propose to each other. As i finished my studies, she quit studies in the middle and decided to do hotel management course. Amd it so happened, next day her interview was lined up but unfortunately due to unavoidable circumstances she has to go to her native place. As Covid struck she git stuck in her native place and couldn't come back. And when everything became normal i insisted her to come but her mom was not allowing. After a lot of struggle her mom allowed her and she came back. In this course of time both families was aware about our relationship. My mom was against her because of 2 reasons, 1) Intercaste 2) She was from very poor and low caste background. Them too i continued the relationship and i convinced to my sister and she convinced to mom. And when she was in native place, she said once that her voice has gone has gone she need 50k for operation. I trying madly to arrange funds and one of my friend told me that she is playing with you be careful but as i was blind in love i necer listened him. When she came to Mumbai i arranged a pg accommodation for her for some time and i use to take her out for dinner as there use to be regular fights with owner. Somehow i convinced my mom and shifted her to my place. There use to be fights but we use to care for each other also at the same time. She started to do events and slowly and steadily started to work in media. She was well aware that i dont like girls working media then too i have her permission to work in media temporary. I went against everyone, my family and friend and after 7yrs of relationship we decided to get marry and it was working fine. After marriage fight increased and she used to taunt though i did so much for her. Once she was not well and as she used to taunt me i never took care of her. One day my dear friend told me to check her phone, she might be seeing someone. And when i checked she was having an affair with Assistant director, i saw msgs photos. And when i confronted she said "He is just a friend and we talk normally" I saw they both on one bed and when i forward their pics to her mom she said "There might be some problem in you only." And when i asked to my ex wife about all this she said "A person goes where he or she gets love and care" All this happened within 6-8 months of our marriage. When i came to know about all this i tod her to leave my house and she was asking for divorce because of my mon's behavior also. I think i should have not tell her to leave as when she left i don't know but i love her very much. I even told her to give me one chance as i gave her but she didn't stopped talking with her bf. And she didn't gave me a chance and went away. We have been legally divorced but still i love her and ready to accept her. But she doesn't want to come back. I am trying to forget her but couldn't. Luckily we don't have kids. Sometimes my heart says let her go she cheated you. Sometimes it says i love now also. I am struggling to forgot her as i am in contact now also. Please suggest. Thank you
Ans: it's important to acknowledge and honor the love you felt and still feel. Love doesn’t simply disappear overnight, and it’s natural to have lingering emotions, especially when you’ve shared so much history and effort to keep the relationship going. However, it’s also crucial to recognize the harm and hurt caused by her actions and the unresolved issues that led to the breakdown of your marriage.

The fact that she chose not to return and continues to maintain contact with the person she was involved with suggests that she has moved on emotionally, even if you haven’t. Holding onto hope for reconciliation can keep you trapped in a cycle of pain and longing, which makes it harder to heal and move forward.

Your heart and mind are sending you mixed signals because you’re torn between the love you still feel and the reality of the betrayal. This is a common struggle after a significant loss, but it’s important to focus on what’s best for your emotional well-being. Continuing to be in contact with her may be preventing you from healing fully. It might be beneficial to create some distance, at least temporarily, to allow yourself the space to process your feelings and begin the healing process.

Focusing on yourself and your own growth is essential. Consider engaging in activities that bring you joy, spending time with supportive friends and family, and possibly seeking professional counseling to help you work through your emotions and develop strategies to move forward.

Letting go is difficult, especially when you still have love for someone, but it’s a crucial step towards healing. Accepting that the relationship has ended and focusing on your future can help you find peace and eventually open the door to new possibilities for love and happiness.
Asked on - Jan 15, 2025 | Answered on Jan 15, 2025
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Thank you very much for ur reply. But i am finding difficult to forget her.
Ans: It might be helpful to focus on the following steps to move forward:

Acceptance: Accept that the relationship has ended and that continuing to hold on to it may be preventing you from healing. Acceptance doesn’t mean you have to stop loving her immediately, but it does mean recognizing that the relationship is no longer viable.
Self-Care: Prioritize your emotional well-being by engaging in activities that bring you joy and fulfillment. Surround yourself with supportive friends and family who can help you through this process. Consider exploring new hobbies or interests that can redirect your focus and bring positive energy into your life.
Boundaries: It might be time to set boundaries with your ex-wife, especially if staying in contact is causing you more pain. Taking a step back from communication can provide the space you need to heal and gain clarity.
Professional Support: Consider speaking with a therapist or counselor who can help you process your feelings and guide you through the healing journey. Professional support can offer valuable tools and strategies to navigate the complex emotions you’re experiencing.
Remember, healing takes time, and it’s okay to grieve the loss of the relationship. With patience and self-compassion, you can move forward, find peace, and eventually open yourself up to new possibilities and happiness in life.

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