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Ramalingam

Ramalingam Kalirajan  |6991 Answers  |Ask -

Mutual Funds, Financial Planning Expert - Answered on May 20, 2024

Ramalingam Kalirajan has over 23 years of experience in mutual funds and financial planning.
He has an MBA in finance from the University of Madras and is a certified financial planner.
He is the director and chief financial planner at Holistic Investment, a Chennai-based firm that offers financial planning and wealth management advice.... more
Sanjay Rana Question by Sanjay Rana on May 19, 2024Hindi
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Good evening Ramalingam Sir I am 47 years old, I have started my journey in mutual funds for the last 3 years and wanted to do continue for the next 8 years. I have 1.5 CR in different instruments like MF, NPS and PPF. Sir I am inviting 38000/month in 7 different funds. Sir I have approx 80 lacs in bank FD and wanted to put in mutual funds. Can I do lump sum in existing funds or there can be different from these funds 1 Axis small cap 2 ICICI Prudential pure equity retirement 3 HDFC retirement pure equity fund 4 SBI Contra fund 5 Quant Mid Cap fund 6 Mahindra Manulife Small cap 7 Nippon India large cap Sir please suggest me about lump sum, wheather I have to choose different funds or do in existing 7 funds

Ans: It's impressive that you've accumulated ?1.5 crore in various instruments like mutual funds, NPS, and PPF. Additionally, saving ?80 lakhs in bank FDs shows financial prudence. Your current SIP of ?38,000 per month in seven different mutual funds is a commendable strategy. Now, you’re considering investing the ?80 lakhs from FDs into mutual funds.

Evaluating Your Investment Strategy
Existing Mutual Fund Investments
Your seven mutual funds cover a diverse range of market segments. This diversification helps in spreading risk and potentially enhancing returns. These funds include small-cap, pure equity, contra, mid-cap, and large-cap categories, giving you broad exposure.

Advantages of Lump Sum Investments
Potential for Higher Returns: Investing a lump sum can lead to higher returns, especially in a rising market. Timing the market is crucial here.

Cost Efficiency: Lump sum investments incur fewer transaction costs compared to spreading investments over time.

Risks of Lump Sum Investments
Market Volatility: Lump sum investments are susceptible to market timing risk. If the market dips after your investment, you could see short-term losses.

Stress and Anxiety: A significant market downturn can cause stress and anxiety, especially with a large investment.

Considering Systematic Transfer Plan (STP)
Instead of investing the entire ?80 lakhs as a lump sum, consider a Systematic Transfer Plan (STP). Here’s why:

Reduced Market Timing Risk: STP spreads your investment over a period, reducing the impact of market volatility.

Regular Investment: STP allows regular investments from your FD to mutual funds, leveraging rupee cost averaging.

Allocating Your Investment
Reviewing Existing Funds
Assess Performance: Review the performance of your current funds. Ensure they meet your investment goals and risk tolerance.

Diversification: Ensure your existing portfolio remains diversified. Avoid over-concentration in any single market segment.

Adding New Funds
Balanced Funds: Consider adding balanced funds to your portfolio. These funds mix equity and debt, offering growth and stability.

International Funds: Adding international mutual funds can provide global exposure, reducing country-specific risk.

Professional Guidance
Engaging with a Certified Financial Planner (CFP) can optimize your investment strategy. A CFP can:

Tailored Advice: Provide advice based on your specific financial situation and goals.

Portfolio Management: Help manage and rebalance your portfolio, ensuring it aligns with market conditions and your risk tolerance.

Implementing Your Plan
Step-by-Step Approach
Emergency Fund: Ensure part of your ?80 lakhs remains in a liquid fund for emergencies.

STP from FD to Mutual Funds: Set up an STP to transfer funds from your FD to your mutual funds systematically.

Review and Adjust: Regularly review your portfolio with your CFP. Adjust investments based on performance and changing market conditions.

Conclusion
Transitioning your ?80 lakhs from FDs to mutual funds is a wise decision. Using STP to invest systematically can mitigate risks and leverage market opportunities. Diversifying further with balanced and international funds can enhance your portfolio.

Best Regards,

K. Ramalingam, MBA, CFP,

Chief Financial Planner,

www.holisticinvestment.in
Asked on - May 20, 2024 | Answered on May 20, 2024
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Thanks so much sir for your valuable information ????????
Ans: Welcome :)
DISCLAIMER: The content of this post by the expert is the personal view of the rediffGURU. Users are advised to pursue the information provided by the rediffGURU only as a source of information to be as a point of reference and to rely on their own judgement when making a decision.
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Ramalingam

Ramalingam Kalirajan  |6991 Answers  |Ask -

Mutual Funds, Financial Planning Expert - Answered on Jul 11, 2024

Asked by Anonymous - Jul 11, 2024Hindi
Money
I have been advised to invest lump sum in different ICICI Pru MF - Large & Mid Cap Fund; Business Cycle Fund and Multi Asset Fund. Kindly suggest is it good to proceed or with some other alternative?
Ans: Investing in mutual funds is a smart way to build wealth over time. Let's discuss your investment options and evaluate whether the recommended funds align with your financial goals.

Understanding Mutual Funds
Mutual funds pool money from multiple investors to invest in a diversified portfolio of stocks, bonds, or other securities. They offer professional management, diversification, and liquidity. When you invest in mutual funds, you benefit from the expertise of fund managers who make investment decisions on your behalf.

Large & Mid Cap Funds
Large and mid cap funds invest in a mix of large and mid-sized companies. Large cap companies are typically well-established and stable, while mid cap companies offer growth potential. Investing in these funds provides a balanced approach, combining the stability of large caps with the growth potential of mid caps.

Advantages
Diversification: Large and mid cap funds offer exposure to both stable and growing companies.
Risk Management: Large cap companies add stability, while mid caps provide growth opportunities.
Professional Management: Experienced fund managers make informed decisions to maximize returns.
Considerations
Market Volatility: Mid cap stocks can be more volatile than large caps.
Investment Horizon: Ideal for long-term investors who can ride out market fluctuations.
Business Cycle Funds
Business cycle funds invest based on the economic cycle. They adjust their portfolios according to the different phases of the economy – expansion, peak, contraction, and trough. These funds aim to capitalize on opportunities at each stage of the cycle.

Advantages
Economic Insight: Fund managers use economic indicators to adjust investments.
Dynamic Allocation: Portfolios are adjusted to maximize returns in each economic phase.
Growth Potential: Potential for higher returns by investing in sectors poised to perform well in each cycle.
Considerations
Complexity: Requires understanding of economic cycles and indicators.
Timing Risk: Success depends on accurate timing of economic phases.
Volatility: Can be more volatile due to sector rotation and timing.
Multi Asset Funds
Multi asset funds invest in a mix of asset classes such as equities, bonds, and gold. This diversification helps to balance risk and return, making these funds suitable for conservative investors seeking steady growth.

Advantages
Diversification: Exposure to multiple asset classes reduces risk.
Stability: Bonds and gold provide stability during market downturns.
Balanced Returns: Potential for steady, balanced returns over time.
Considerations
Moderate Growth: Returns may be moderate compared to equity-focused funds.
Expense Ratios: Multi asset funds can have higher expense ratios due to active management.
Market Conditions: Performance depends on the behavior of different asset classes.
Evaluating Your Investment Options
Investing in the suggested funds offers a diversified approach to grow your wealth. However, it's important to assess how they align with your financial goals, risk tolerance, and investment horizon.

Diversification and Balance
Large & Mid Cap Funds: Provide a good balance between stability and growth.
Business Cycle Funds: Add a dynamic element by adjusting to economic phases.
Multi Asset Funds: Ensure stability through diversification across asset classes.
Risk Management
Large & Mid Cap Funds: Manage risk through a mix of stable and growth-oriented stocks.
Business Cycle Funds: Require careful monitoring to manage timing risks.
Multi Asset Funds: Offer lower risk through asset class diversification.
Long-Term Growth
Large & Mid Cap Funds: Suitable for long-term growth with some volatility.
Business Cycle Funds: Potential for high returns but require patience and understanding.
Multi Asset Funds: Steady growth with lower volatility, ideal for conservative investors.
Power of Compounding
Mutual funds harness the power of compounding, where earnings generate more earnings over time. Reinvesting dividends and capital gains can significantly boost your wealth. Starting early and staying invested for the long term maximizes the benefits of compounding.


You are wise to consider mutual funds for building wealth. They offer a balanced approach to investing, aligning with various financial goals. Your commitment to making informed investment decisions is commendable. Understanding the nuances of each fund type shows your dedication to growing your wealth responsibly.

Seeking Professional Guidance
It's important to consult with a Certified Financial Planner (CFP) who can provide personalized advice based on your financial situation. A CFP can help you create a tailored investment strategy, ensuring your portfolio aligns with your goals and risk tolerance.

Evaluating the Disadvantages of Index Funds
Index funds aim to replicate the performance of a market index. While they offer low costs and diversification, they have limitations. Index funds lack flexibility, sticking to a predefined list of stocks regardless of market conditions. They can't outperform the market since they only aim to match it.

Benefits of Actively Managed Funds
Actively managed funds, like the ones you're considering, offer potential for higher returns. Experienced fund managers make strategic decisions to outperform the market. They can adjust portfolios based on market trends and economic indicators, providing a dynamic investment approach.

Disadvantages of Direct Funds
Direct funds bypass intermediaries, offering lower expense ratios. However, they require a higher level of investment knowledge and time commitment. Regular funds, managed by a CFP, provide professional guidance, helping you navigate market complexities and make informed decisions.

Final Insights
Investing in large and mid cap, business cycle, and multi asset funds offers a balanced approach to wealth building. These funds provide diversification, risk management, and long-term growth potential. While each fund type has its advantages and considerations, they collectively align well with a comprehensive investment strategy.

Your proactive approach to understanding these funds is impressive. Consulting with a Certified Financial Planner ensures you receive tailored advice, maximizing your investment potential. Remember, the key to successful investing is staying informed, diversifying your portfolio, and maintaining a long-term perspective.

Best Regards,

K. Ramalingam, MBA, CFP,

Chief Financial Planner,

www.holisticinvestment.in

..Read more

Ramalingam

Ramalingam Kalirajan  |6991 Answers  |Ask -

Mutual Funds, Financial Planning Expert - Answered on Jul 24, 2024

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Sir, I am 55 years old. I want to invest in Mutual funds. I have presently one lakh to invest. I have planned to invest lumpsum in the following: 1. 50% in Large cap mutual fund 2. 20% in Mid cap mutual fund 3. 15% in Small cap mutual fund 4. 15% in Flexi cap mutual fund I would like to know that whether my above planning is OK or not. Can I do anything else and not doing the above? If my above planning is Ok , then pls suggest which mutual fund to opt for different categories mentioned above.
Ans: Assessing Your Investment Plan

Your plan to invest Rs 1 lakh in mutual funds is a good start. Let's assess your allocation strategy and provide recommendations for each category.

Allocation Strategy

Large Cap Mutual Funds (50%): These funds invest in large, well-established companies. They offer stability and moderate returns.

Mid Cap Mutual Funds (20%): These funds invest in medium-sized companies. They offer higher growth potential but come with more risk.

Small Cap Mutual Funds (15%): These funds invest in smaller companies. They have high growth potential but are very risky.

Flexi Cap Mutual Funds (15%): These funds invest across market capitalizations. They offer flexibility and can adapt to market conditions.

Evaluation of Your Allocation

Diversification: Your allocation provides a good mix of stability and growth. This helps in balancing risk and returns.

Risk Management: Allocating 50% to large caps provides a stable base. Mid and small caps add growth potential.

Flexibility: Including flexi cap funds adds flexibility to your portfolio. It allows for adaptation to market changes.

Suggestions for Improvement

Review Fund Selection: Regularly review and choose funds with a consistent track record.

Avoid Direct Funds: Direct funds may seem cost-effective but lack professional guidance. Investing through a Certified Financial Planner ensures better fund management.

Diversify Further: Consider adding debt funds for further risk management. They provide stability and income.

Disadvantages of Direct Funds

Lack of Guidance: Direct funds do not offer professional advice. This can lead to suboptimal fund selection.

Time-Consuming: Managing direct funds requires time and expertise. Regular funds managed by professionals save you effort.

Fund Recommendations

Large Cap Mutual Funds: Choose funds with a good track record. Look for consistent performance and low expense ratios.

Mid Cap Mutual Funds: Select funds with experienced fund managers. Ensure the fund has a strong performance history.

Small Cap Mutual Funds: Opt for funds with high growth potential. Ensure they have a good track record in managing risks.

Flexi Cap Mutual Funds: Choose funds that dynamically allocate across market caps. Look for flexibility and adaptability to market conditions.

Final Insights

Balanced Approach: Your allocation strategy is well-balanced. It provides a mix of stability and growth.

Regular Review: Review your portfolio regularly. Adjust based on performance and market conditions.

Professional Guidance: Work with a Certified Financial Planner. They can help you choose the best funds and manage your portfolio effectively.

Best Regards,

K. Ramalingam, MBA, CFP,

Chief Financial Planner,

www.holisticinvestment.in

..Read more

Latest Questions
Anu

Anu Krishna  |1285 Answers  |Ask -

Relationships Expert, Mind Coach - Answered on Nov 08, 2024

Asked by Anonymous - Nov 06, 2024Hindi
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Hello Ms Anu, I am a 42yr female..married since 14 yrs and have 10yr old son . I am highly qualified and financially independent. My marriage was a arranged one.. but in these 14 yrs.. I never experienced love or and attachment from my husband's side. He is a family man.. there is no other woman involved..He loves his parents and his two sisters immensely... but always treats me as a option. I feel humiliated and lonely and he has short temper when i talk about this issue... so basically I don't discuss... but that is no solution... I am suffering and unhappy. What should I do?
Ans: Dear Anonymous,
A few married men can be more focused on the women on their side of the family; it becomes easy to express love, care and attention to them as he has grown with them.
A wife happens to be someone that he is yet to understand. It requires effort to make a marriage work; your husband finds it convenient to take the easy way out and 'hang out' with his family.
So, here you take the lead and start. Start not by bringing forth your complaints as this is going to push him further to them which is going to annoy you BUT by inviting him to be with you. A lot of work, I get it...but the bottom line: that's what you want, right?
Plan dates evenings, take short vacations together, work-out together...the key is to establish a connection which never had its chance in the first place...So, give your best shot! Most times actions speak louder than words ever can...

All the best!
Anu Krishna
Mind Coach|NLP Trainer|Author
Drop in: www.unfear.io
Reach me: Facebook: anukrish07/ AND LinkedIn: anukrishna-joyofserving/

...Read more

Anu

Anu Krishna  |1285 Answers  |Ask -

Relationships Expert, Mind Coach - Answered on Nov 08, 2024

Relationship
Namaste Mam Main Ek Ladki Se Bohot Pyaar Karta Hun Lekin Woh Kisi Aur Se Pyaar Karti Ek Wakt Pahle Woh Ladki Meri Acchi Dost Thi Fir Maine Soccha Ki Usse Ek Yeh Kehdu Ki Main Usse Be Inteha Pyaar Karta Hun Maine Usse Keh Diya Par Usne Muzhe Mana Kiya Eh Kehke Ki Usse Pyaar Karne Main Dilchajbi Nahi Aur Wahan Se Chali Gai Main Uss Din Bohot Dipretion Main Tha Fir Maine Yeh Faisla Kiya Ki Woh Apne Bhai Maa Baap Se Darkar Iss Rashte Ko Banane Main Dar Rahi Hogi Par Aaise Karte Karte 2 Saal Ho Gaye Aur Fir Ik Din Achanak Do Saal Baad Yeh Kehne Aati Hain Ki Main Ek Ladke Se Pyaar Karti Aur Tab Maine Usse Puccha Kya Tum Usse Shaadi Bhi Karna Chahti Ho To Ussne Jhijakte Hue Yeh Jawab Diya Ki Woh Usse Shaadi Karna Chahti Darsal Woh Mere Paas Yeh Madat Mangni Aai Thi Ki Woh Usse Milne Jaana Chahti Hain Aur Usse Usko Milne Keliye Kucch Paiso Ki Jarurat Hain To Maine Uss Situation Ko Samjhakar Uski Baaton Ko Samjhakar Usse Paise De Diye Magar Woh Muzhe Usse Pehle Maine Usse Yeh Kahan Ki Tum Mere Paas Kaise Aai Paise Mangne To Usne Kaha Ki Woh Muzhe Uska Ek Accha Dost Manti Isiliye Woh Mere Paas Madat Mangni Aai Thi Iska Main Matlab Kya Samjhu Ki Woh Muzhe Sachme Accha Dost Mantti Hain Yah Sirf Usse Paison Ki Jaruart Thi Isliye Agar Muzhe Apna Accha Dost Manti Hain To Kya Woh Bhavishya Main uss Ladke Jisse Woh Pyaar Karti Agar Uss Ladke Ne Uss Ladki Ki Dhoka Diya To Kya Woh Mere Paas Wapas Aa Sakti Kya Woh Mere Saath Shaadi Kar Sakti Hain Main Abbhi Usse Utna Hi Pyaar Karta Hoon Aur Usse Kabhi Kabar Baad Chit Karne Mile To Usse Healthy Conversation Karta Hoon To Kya Yeh Sambhav Ho Sakta Hain Ki Woh Aage Chalkar Mere Future Wife Bane Aur Main Uske Saath Hamesha Khush Rah Saku Aur Usse Khush Rakh Saku
Ans: Dear Hemant,
Nah! Bilkul nahin aur agar kabhi aisa hua bhi toh yeh zaroor jaan lena ki use aur koi mila nahin aur woh yeh jaanti hai ki aapka pyaar aapki kamzori hai isiliye koi bhi haalaat mein aap use sweekar kar lenge. Majboori hogi uski jab woh aapko chunegi, naaki yeh ki woh aap se pyaar karti hai...aur aise rishte zyaada tikte nahin.
Jab wusne saaf kahaa hai ki aapko dost maanti hai, toh is baat ko maan lijiye; yeh nah karke aapne khayaali Pulao pakaana shuru kiya hai...ki kya yeh hoga toh woh aapke paas chali aayegi...yeh nahin hoga toh woh kya aapse shaadi karegi?
Yeh sirf aapki zidd hai aur yahi zidd aapko maayusi ke alawaa kuch nahin dega.
Apni zindagi jiye, uspe dhyaan de kyonki yahi sab baatein leke baithenge toh khud ki zindagi mein aage badhne ke mauke bhi aapko nazar nahin aayenge.
Aur jahaan tak aapse paise maangne ki baat hai, toh use yeh toh zaroor pataa hai ki aap usse pyaar karte hain aur uski koi baat ko taalenge nahin...Toh paise ke liye manaa kaise karenge...Yeh jaan le ki woh aapse pyaar nahin karti aur jitni jaldi is baat ko maan lenge aap khule dil se jee paayenge. Naye dost banaye, nayi anubhavon ko aapnaaye; yeh sab tab hoga jab aap is kisse ko dimaag se hataa lenge...koshish kijiye...

All the best!
Anu Krishna
Mind Coach|NLP Trainer|Author
Drop in: www.unfear.io
Reach me: Facebook: anukrish07/ AND LinkedIn: anukrishna-joyofserving/

...Read more

Anu

Anu Krishna  |1285 Answers  |Ask -

Relationships Expert, Mind Coach - Answered on Nov 08, 2024

Asked by Anonymous - Nov 06, 2024
Relationship
Hi Anu, i am 34 year old woman married to a 41 year old man. We are married for past 10 years. We had no sexual relationship for first 5 years, after lot of pestering and fights and realisation that there must a physical problem at my husband’s end i convinced him to visit an expert in this domain. Turns out he had low testosterone level. He took the necessary medication and i really tried for 1 year to make it work. It worked to a certain extent but it was more like a chore than something we really want to do. Then we decided that we should go for a baby as well while we are at it. Now my daughter is 2.5. Things never got better. We don’t talk about our lack of any intimacy physical or mental. We are living like roommates. He is the best husband a person can ask for on paper. My parents love him. He is the nicest guy. But in reality we never had any connection and no comparability. And whatever attraction and love i had for him in the beginning is lost completely. I have no idea what goes on his mind. He is a closed book i could never open. He accepts the problem but blames me too if i force him to open up. I am in such a bad place mentally. I keep thinking about the one life i got, i wasted it. Why did i get married so soon? I like someone in office who i have no future with because he is in some other country. I do not know what to do and how to live my life. I get thoughts that life should not be so long.
Ans: Dear Anonymous,
A case where the person shuts down because he carries the guilt of what is happening to him and what he is facing...not a very useful way of dealing with the situation but when society has drummed it into us that a 'man' is defined by his masculine traits and behaviors, can you blame him for it?
He is possibly embarrassed and this could be a reason for him 'closing down' within the marriage. He needs to be slowly cajoled out of what he is feeling...What the two of you could do is: start the marriage as though it is Day One...
Now, how would the two of you connect? How would things be different?
It is an attempt to reconnect with no past baggage which helps in focusing on each other in the present day. That helps in making good solid commitments to one another but of course, there has to be a lot of communication in this process. Do take the help of a professional if this feels too much to go through by yourselves.
And as for the colleague; hmmmm grass on the other side will always seem greener!

All the best!
Anu Krishna
Mind Coach|NLP Trainer|Author
Drop in: www.unfear.io
Reach me: Facebook: anukrish07/ AND LinkedIn: anukrishna-joyofserving/

...Read more

Kanchan

Kanchan Rai  |398 Answers  |Ask -

Relationships Expert, Mind Coach - Answered on Nov 08, 2024

Asked by Anonymous - May 17, 2024Hindi
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Relationship
Mam i love a boy.. Who is 2 yr younger then me and... Now he is preparing for jE.. Post and... My parents worry about my marriage... I told him about this.... He is craying... So much... He love s me very much.... He don't tell about this relationship.....to his parents.. Because he dont have any.... Job..... What should i do mam.... Plz.... Tell me... Mamm plzzz
Ans: First, have an honest conversation with him about what both of you realistically can and cannot do right now. Since he is still working on his future and you feel pressure from your family, try to think about how much time he might need to reach a stable point. Then, consider whether waiting for him is something that is possible for you and acceptable to your family.

It might also be helpful to have a calm conversation with your parents, expressing your feelings for him while being open about the current situation. Sometimes parents worry because they don’t know the full picture. Explaining that he is working hard toward his career goals may give them a better understanding. You could also ask them if they’d be willing to wait for some time before making any decisions on your marriage, if they feel comfortable with that.

If waiting is not possible and your family pressures you to consider other options, it’s important to think about your own long-term happiness and make the best choice for you. These situations are never easy, but by staying honest with yourself and your family, you will be able to make a decision that respects both your love and your future stability.

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Kanchan

Kanchan Rai  |398 Answers  |Ask -

Relationships Expert, Mind Coach - Answered on Nov 08, 2024

Asked by Anonymous - Jul 22, 2024Hindi
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Relationship
Hello, There is a woman in my office working in my department. She is my friend's wife and was referred by me for this job. We get to work closely often, but we both make opportunities to get to work together. Most of our time spent is on work related items, with few minutes of casual chats, and we both have spent a lot of time alone in office, working extra hours and all. I have a feeling that I am starting to yearn to spend time with her on work and she also tries to be around me. We both text outside of office hours, share a lot of "inside" jokes and we both look to be enjoying the time together. I am in a confused state because it looks like she is giving me a lot of signs to move forward to next levels, but I am pulling back and not advancing. We both are married and have families. Any advice?
Ans: To manage this, start by gently reinforcing professional boundaries. While it may feel awkward initially, limiting the personal, non-work-related conversations and texts can create some emotional distance. This will not only help reduce feelings of attachment but also prevent misunderstandings or assumptions from developing on either side. At the same time, it may be beneficial to reflect on your own life and current relationships. Often, feelings that arise outside our primary relationship can signal needs or emotions that might require attention within our existing commitments.

Redirecting your focus back to your own relationship with your spouse and engaging in activities that strengthen that bond can bring a renewed appreciation for the life you have built. Rekindling affection, open communication, and connection with your spouse could help provide a sense of fulfillment that might reduce the attraction you’re feeling toward your colleague.

It may also help to remind yourself of the potential risks involved, not only to your family life but also to your professional reputation and friendships. By focusing on maintaining a respectful, professional, and appropriate connection, you’re honoring both your commitments and protecting the integrity of all relationships involved. Choosing not to act on these feelings will ultimately support the stability of your personal life and career, allowing you to maintain a healthy and professional environment at work.

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Kanchan

Kanchan Rai  |398 Answers  |Ask -

Relationships Expert, Mind Coach - Answered on Nov 08, 2024

Asked by Anonymous - Aug 09, 2024Hindi
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Relationship
Hi I brought up from a middle class family now I'm married and having 3 yrs kid, my younger brother recently got married! Ever since his marg there was a problem going on between my mom, brother and her wife , all the 3 of them bringing their problems to me and husband it creates a huge impact on my mental health due to their problems, if I try to resolve nobody is listening, I'm staying nearby my parents which is a big disadvantage, directly it's affecting me and my family? I don't know how to overcome from this type of issue
Ans: A compassionate but firm boundary can make a difference here. For instance, you could gently explain to your mother, brother, and his wife that while you understand and empathize with their challenges, you’re finding it difficult to handle all the tension that arises from these discussions. You might let them know that, for the sake of your own mental health and family well-being, you need to step back from being involved in any discussions about their conflicts.

If they do come to you with their concerns, try gently redirecting them, perhaps by suggesting that they talk directly to each other or even consider family counseling if they’re open to it. Remind them that only they can solve these issues by communicating directly, rather than relying on you as a mediator. Over time, they may begin to understand that their repeated involvement of you is not a productive solution.

Creating some physical and emotional space is key. If living nearby is heightening the tension, consider adjusting how often you interact in person. Focusing more on your own family’s peace, stability, and happiness will also help. It may feel challenging at first, but taking steps to protect your boundaries will benefit everyone, and gradually, they may even recognize the need to work out these issues themselves without depending on you.

...Read more

Kanchan

Kanchan Rai  |398 Answers  |Ask -

Relationships Expert, Mind Coach - Answered on Nov 08, 2024

Asked by Anonymous - Aug 10, 2024Hindi
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Relationship
Hi ma’am, I am a 27 year old girl. My father is a very strict person. Since childhood I have tolerated many things like I was not allowed to make friends(not even girls, forgot about boys). When I was 12 years old I was told that I was not allowed to talk to boys, and if my father ever saw me doing so, he will kill me. So, I was not allowed to talk to any friend, forget about going out and other stuff. All I used to do is sit in my room and study,I was not allowed to go out to play, wasn’t allowed to watch tv, not even allowed to go and play with cousins. Even if there was a wedding in my family, i was not allowed to go out and enjoy. And this has continued till date. I am still not allowed to go out without my father’s permission. Although I live in Bengaluru and work in a big company with a high paying job. Even the salary I get is not mine. Because my father takes it from me and I can’t say no to him. I use to say to me that if I ever did anything which he thinks is wrong, he will kill me, or will not allow me to go to college and now he will not allow me to work. And now he want me to get married to someone of his choice because of caste system. But I have a boyfriend and I want to marry my him. But I can’t even tell this to my father, because once I tell him this, he will not allow me to leave the house ever again and he would get me married to next person he finds. I am very scared of him. I don’t want to get married to anyone but my boyfriend. What should I do? Should I run away and get married to my boyfriend. I don’t know what my father will do then. He is a very controlling person .
Ans: To start, consider small steps that allow you to establish a greater sense of independence. Setting aside a portion of your income in an account only you can access, even if done quietly, can help you prepare financially for the future you envision with your boyfriend. Gaining control over your finances can also give you a greater sense of autonomy, which is key for your emotional and practical well-being.

Considering your father’s intense reaction to any choices that don’t align with his, safety is a priority. Consulting with a therapist or a counselor could help you process the emotional impact of your experiences and, importantly, develop strategies for how to approach this situation. Speaking to a counselor may also help you find a safe way to discuss your relationship with your father and express your own wishes while understanding any resources that might be available to you if needed.

If, ultimately, you decide to move forward with your relationship and marriage independently of your father’s permission, preparing yourself for potential emotional fallout is essential. While it’s natural to hope for family acceptance, remember that creating your own happiness is equally important. Over time, if your father can see that you’re stable, happy, and independent, he may eventually respect your decision.

Taking steps toward your own life may feel overwhelming, but with support and gradual changes, you can find a path that balances your love for your family with your need for self-respect, autonomy, and a future that you choose.

...Read more

DISCLAIMER: The content of this post by the expert is the personal view of the rediffGURU. Investment in securities market are subject to market risks. Read all the related document carefully before investing. The securities quoted are for illustration only and are not recommendatory. Users are advised to pursue the information provided by the rediffGURU only as a source of information and as a point of reference and to rely on their own judgement when making a decision. RediffGURUS is an intermediary as per India's Information Technology Act.

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A 6 digit code has been sent to Mobile

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