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Ramalingam

Ramalingam Kalirajan  |7367 Answers  |Ask -

Mutual Funds, Financial Planning Expert - Answered on May 16, 2024

Ramalingam Kalirajan has over 23 years of experience in mutual funds and financial planning.
He has an MBA in finance from the University of Madras and is a certified financial planner.
He is the director and chief financial planner at Holistic Investment, a Chennai-based firm that offers financial planning and wealth management advice.... more
Ajay Question by Ajay on May 15, 2024Hindi
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My current portfolio is around 1 Cr. How much monthly SIP amount is required.to gain 5cr till 2035

Ans: As a Certified Financial Planner, my foremost goal is to assist you in formulating a structured plan to attain your financial aspirations. With a portfolio currently standing at ?1 Crore, envisioning a growth to ?5 Crore by 2035 necessitates a diligent investment strategy.

Understanding Your Financial Ambition
Congratulations on accumulating a significant portfolio of ?1 Crore. Your aspiration to quintuple this amount by 2035 reflects a commendable vision for your financial future. It's crucial to understand the timeline and the growth trajectory required to achieve this ambitious target.

Analyzing the Investment Horizon and Return Expectations
Given the target duration of 11 years till 2035, achieving a ?5 Crore portfolio requires consistent and substantial growth. With an average annual return expectation of around 12%, we can chart a strategic path towards realizing your financial goal.

Designing an Effective SIP Strategy
To embark on this journey, we'll leverage the power of Systematic Investment Plans (SIPs), a disciplined approach to investing that ensures regular contributions towards wealth accumulation. By systematically investing a fixed amount at regular intervals, we mitigate the impact of market fluctuations while benefiting from the power of compounding.

Determining the Monthly SIP Contribution
Calculating the monthly SIP amount involves striking a balance between your current portfolio size, the investment horizon, and the expected rate of return. Factoring in these parameters, we arrive at a monthly SIP contribution that aligns with your financial objective of reaching ?5 Crore by 2035.

Advocating for Actively Managed Funds
In pursuing this goal, it's imperative to opt for actively managed funds over index funds. While index funds offer low expense ratios, they lack the potential for outperformance and active risk management provided by skilled fund managers. Actively managed funds, through their dynamic strategies, strive to generate superior returns, thus better suited to achieving your ambitious target.

Emphasizing the Role of a Certified Financial Planner
As a Certified Financial Planner, my role extends beyond mere advice-giving. I serve as your financial ally, meticulously crafting and monitoring your investment plan, adapting it to changing market conditions, and ensuring it remains aligned with your evolving financial goals. By entrusting your financial journey to a CFP, you benefit from personalized guidance and a holistic approach to wealth management.

Conclusion: Charting a Course Towards Financial Success
In summary, achieving a ?5 Crore portfolio by 2035 requires a well-thought-out investment strategy centered around SIPs and actively managed funds. With a calculated monthly SIP contribution and the guidance of a Certified Financial Planner, you're poised to navigate the financial landscape with confidence, realizing your aspirations and securing your future prosperity.

Best Regards,

K. Ramalingam, MBA, CFP,

Chief Financial Planner,

www.holisticinvestment.in
DISCLAIMER: The content of this post by the expert is the personal view of the rediffGURU. Users are advised to pursue the information provided by the rediffGURU only as a source of information to be as a point of reference and to rely on their own judgement when making a decision.
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Ramalingam

Ramalingam Kalirajan  |7367 Answers  |Ask -

Mutual Funds, Financial Planning Expert - Answered on May 13, 2024

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I am 45 years now. I have started investing in 10 mutual funds 8k each amounting to Rs8000 monthly SIP. Funds like contra, growth, hybrid, flexi, midcap, smallcap. My goal is to fetch 1Cr after 5 years. How much should I have to increase the sip amount every year to reach this goal?
Ans: Your commitment to investing is commendable, and your goal of accumulating 1 crore in 5 years is ambitious yet achievable with prudent planning. Let's assess the adjustments needed in your SIPs to reach this milestone.

Given your current SIP of 8k per fund per month across 10 mutual funds, totaling 80k monthly, we can evaluate the required increase in SIP amount annually to meet your target.

Firstly, we'll need to estimate the expected rate of return on your mutual fund investments. Since you've invested across various categories like contra, growth, hybrid, flexi, midcap, and smallcap, your portfolio's expected return could vary based on market conditions and fund performance. Historically, equity investments have yielded returns ranging from 12% to 15% over the long term.

Assuming a moderate annual return of 12%, we can use a financial calculator or formula to determine the required SIP amount increase.

Considering the compounding effect, you would need to increase your SIP amount by approximately 20-25% annually to reach your 1 crore target in 5 years.

However, this calculation is based on various assumptions and market conditions, which may fluctuate. Therefore, it's crucial to periodically review your investments and adjust your SIP amounts accordingly to stay on track towards your goal.

Additionally, consulting with a Certified Financial Planner can provide personalized insights and strategies to optimize your investment approach and ensure you're making informed decisions aligned with your financial objectives.

In summary, increasing your SIP amount annually by around 20-25% can help you achieve your target of accumulating 1 crore in 5 years, provided that your investments generate expected returns. Regular monitoring and professional guidance are key to navigating market dynamics and achieving your financial goals.

Best Regards,

K. Ramalingam, MBA, CFP,

Chief Financial Planner,

www.holisticinvestment.in

..Read more

Ramalingam

Ramalingam Kalirajan  |7367 Answers  |Ask -

Mutual Funds, Financial Planning Expert - Answered on Jul 24, 2024

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to make 1.5cr in next 15 years , how much amount investment required in SIP?
Ans: You aim to accumulate Rs 1.5 crore in the next 15 years. This is a long-term goal. SIPs are ideal for such goals.

Let's analyse how much you need to invest monthly to reach this target.

Factors to Consider

Investment Horizon: 15 years is a good period for equity investments.

Expected Returns: Typically, mutual funds can yield 12-15% annually. We'll use 12% for a conservative estimate.

Monthly Investment Required

Calculation Basis: To accumulate Rs 1.5 crore in 15 years, we need to calculate the SIP amount.

Using 12% Returns: At a 12% annual return, we can estimate the required monthly SIP.

Approximate SIP Calculation

Estimate: To reach Rs 1.5 crore, you would need to invest around Rs 25,000 per month. This is a rough estimate based on historical data.
Benefits of SIPs

Rupee Cost Averaging: SIPs invest a fixed amount regularly. This averages out market volatility.

Disciplined Investment: SIPs ensure regular investment. This builds a habit of saving and investing.

Power of Compounding: SIPs benefit from compounding. Returns generate more returns over time.

Active Management Over Index Funds

Flexibility: Actively managed funds adapt to market changes. They aim for higher returns.

Research: Fund managers conduct extensive research. This can identify high-growth opportunities.

Higher Potential: Actively managed funds often outperform index funds. This is due to active decision-making.

Avoiding Direct Funds

Expert Guidance: Regular funds offer guidance from MFDs with CFP credentials. This ensures professional advice.

Convenience: MFDs help in fund selection and portfolio management. This saves time and effort.

Monitoring: Regular funds provide ongoing support. This ensures your investments stay on track.

Review and Adjust

Regular Monitoring: Review your investments every six months. Adjust based on performance and market conditions.

Stay Updated: Keep informed about market trends and economic changes. This helps in making informed decisions.

Insurance Policies

LIC and ULIP Policies: If you hold any, consider their returns. ULIPs and LIC policies may not yield high returns.

Reinvestment: Surrender low-return policies and reinvest in mutual funds. This can provide better growth.

Final Insights

To accumulate Rs 1.5 crore in 15 years, invest around Rs 25,000 monthly in SIPs. Choose actively managed funds for higher returns. Regular monitoring and adjustments are crucial. Seek professional guidance for optimal results.

Best Regards,

K. Ramalingam, MBA, CFP

Chief Financial Planner,

www.holisticinvestment.in

..Read more

Ramalingam

Ramalingam Kalirajan  |7367 Answers  |Ask -

Mutual Funds, Financial Planning Expert - Answered on Oct 16, 2024

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Sir My age is 29. How much amount i have to invest in SIP for 5 Cr Corpus in 20 years.
Ans: your goal of building a Rs 5 crore corpus over 20 years through SIP investments is a significant and achievable target. Let's carefully explore the best way to approach this, considering your age and the power of long-term investments.

At 29, you have a considerable time horizon. This gives you a great advantage in compounding growth over time. A well-structured plan with disciplined SIP contributions can help you reach your financial goal comfortably.

Below is a comprehensive and 360-degree approach to achieving this target while keeping everything simple and straightforward.

The Power of Compounding Over 20 Years
The first key factor in building a large corpus is to understand the power of compounding. Over time, the returns on your investments will multiply, especially when invested in mutual funds. The longer you stay invested, the greater your returns, as they are compounded annually.

Even small contributions made consistently through SIP can grow into substantial amounts.

Three critical factors that affect how much you need to invest monthly are:

The rate of return you expect from your investments.
The time horizon, which in your case is 20 years.
The corpus target, which is Rs 5 crore.
Choosing the Right Type of Mutual Fund
For long-term goals like this, equity mutual funds are typically recommended. However, choosing actively managed funds instead of index or direct funds will be essential for maximizing your returns. Let’s briefly discuss why actively managed funds are better for long-term wealth creation.

Why Actively Managed Funds?
Actively managed funds offer the benefit of professional fund management. A seasoned fund manager makes investment decisions based on market research and economic conditions, aiming to outperform the market and provide better returns than passively managed funds like index funds.

Index funds only aim to replicate the performance of a benchmark index, which may limit returns.

Direct funds may reduce costs, but many investors prefer regular plans due to the professional advice they get through mutual fund distributors (MFDs), especially those with CFP credentials.

Rate of Return Expectations
For this calculation, let’s assume an expected return from equity mutual funds of around 12%. This is a realistic expectation for equity investments over the long term. Historically, equity markets have provided such returns over two decades or longer.

Keep in mind that actual returns can fluctuate year by year due to market volatility. However, sticking to the plan despite market ups and downs will allow you to benefit from long-term growth.

Monthly SIP Contribution
To accumulate Rs 5 crore over 20 years, a disciplined SIP approach is key. Since we expect a return of 12% over this period, the monthly SIP amount you will need to invest is crucial. Based on this, the SIP contribution required to reach Rs 5 crore could be estimated. I won’t go into specific calculations here, but you can adjust your contribution if the market returns are higher or lower.

Review and Adjustments Over Time
While your SIP contributions will be consistent, it is wise to review your investment every few years. The market, your personal financial situation, and your goals may evolve. If, at any point, you feel that the returns are not aligning with your expectations, consider rebalancing your portfolio. Actively managed funds allow flexibility and adjustments based on market conditions, which direct or index funds do not provide.

You may also want to increase your SIP amount over time as your income increases or as your expenses reduce. For example, every two to three years, consider increasing the SIP amount by 10% to 15%. This will help you reach your Rs 5 crore target faster and counter inflation.

Taxation on Mutual Funds
As you grow your investments, keep in mind the taxation rules on mutual fund investments.

Equity mutual funds: When you sell units after holding them for more than a year, gains over Rs 1.25 lakh are taxed as long-term capital gains (LTCG) at 12.5%.

Short-term capital gains (STCG): If units are sold within a year, the gains are taxed at 20%.

While tax should not be the primary focus, understanding it will help you plan better when it’s time to redeem or rebalance your investments.

Build an Emergency Fund First
Before you dive fully into SIPs, it is crucial to ensure that you have an emergency fund in place. The emergency fund should cover at least six to twelve months' worth of expenses. This will help you avoid withdrawing from your mutual fund investments in case of emergencies, allowing your corpus to grow uninterrupted.

Your emergency fund should ideally be kept in liquid or debt funds for easy access. These funds are relatively low-risk and provide moderate returns.

Protecting Your Investments
While focusing on building wealth, it’s equally important to protect it. Make sure you have adequate health and life insurance.

Life insurance: A term insurance plan is the best option for providing financial security to your dependents in case of any unfortunate event.

Health insurance: Ensure you have sufficient health coverage, separate from any corporate insurance plan. Medical emergencies can deplete your savings if not adequately insured.

Benefits of Regularly Investing Through MFD with CFP Credential
Investing through a mutual fund distributor (MFD) who is also a Certified Financial Planner (CFP) offers a lot of benefits. They can provide you with expert guidance, portfolio reviews, and help you stick to your long-term goals. An MFD with CFP credentials brings a holistic approach to financial planning and will help you navigate different market cycles and keep your financial plan on track.

Regular plan investments are ideal for getting professional advice.

Direct plan investments may seem cost-effective, but they do not offer the same level of service and guidance, which is critical for long-term success.

Avoid Real Estate Investments
While real estate might seem like an attractive option to many, it is better to avoid it for long-term wealth creation. Real estate investments come with high entry and exit costs, liquidity challenges, and legal complexities. Mutual funds provide better flexibility, liquidity, and returns over the long term, especially when your goal is Rs 5 crore in 20 years.

Inflation-Proof Your Future
The goal of Rs 5 crore should not just be viewed as a number but as a future financial requirement that can beat inflation. Over the next 20 years, inflation will erode the purchasing power of money. Therefore, it is essential to ensure that your investments grow at a rate that outpaces inflation, which is typically achieved through equity mutual funds.

Equity funds have consistently outperformed inflation over the long term. By maintaining a disciplined SIP approach and avoiding early withdrawals, your corpus can remain inflation-proof.

Final Insights
To summarize the plan:

Start your SIP in actively managed mutual funds with a goal to accumulate Rs 5 crore.

Invest through regular funds, preferably via an MFD with CFP credentials, for professional guidance.

Expect a return of around 12% from equity mutual funds over 20 years.

Review your SIP amount every few years and consider increasing it as your income grows.

Build an emergency fund first, covering six to twelve months of expenses.

Ensure you have adequate life and health insurance coverage to protect your wealth.

Refrain from investing in direct funds or real estate, as they may not offer the same benefits as actively managed mutual funds.

Stay disciplined with your investments and avoid emotional decisions driven by short-term market fluctuations.

By following this structured approach, you can stay on track to achieve your Rs 5 crore target in 20 years.

Best Regards,

K. Ramalingam, MBA, CFP,

Chief Financial Planner,

www.holisticinvestment.in
https://www.youtube.com/@HolisticInvestment

..Read more

Latest Questions
Ramalingam

Ramalingam Kalirajan  |7367 Answers  |Ask -

Mutual Funds, Financial Planning Expert - Answered on Dec 28, 2024

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Requesting you, to help me, regarding midcap 150 etf of mirae asset midcap 150 etf for longterm through SIP
Ans: Let us review the suitability of investing in a mid-cap 150 ETF for the long term via SIP.

Understanding ETFs and Their Characteristics
Passive Management: Midcap ETFs replicate an index like the Nifty Midcap 150.

Cost Efficiency: They offer lower expense ratios compared to actively managed funds.

No Active Decision Making: They do not try to outperform the market but track the index.

Volatility Concerns: Midcap indices are more volatile than large-cap indices.

Returns Depend on Index: The ETF's performance mirrors the performance of its benchmark.

Disadvantages of Investing in Midcap ETFs
Lack of Active Management
Mid-cap stocks are highly volatile.

Active fund managers can adjust portfolios to limit risks during downturns.

ETFs lack this flexibility, as they strictly follow the index composition.

Limited Flexibility in Rebalancing
Market conditions often demand sector rotation or stock-specific decisions.

Actively managed funds adapt to such conditions, but ETFs cannot.

Tracking Errors
ETFs may not perfectly replicate the index due to tracking errors.

This can affect returns, especially over the long term.

Why Actively Managed Funds May Be Better
Fund Manager Expertise
Skilled managers can outperform the index by selecting high-growth stocks.

They can mitigate risks in falling markets through tactical decisions.

Flexibility in Stock Selection
Active funds are not limited to a predefined basket of stocks.

Managers can select fundamentally strong stocks beyond the index.

Potential for Higher Returns
Actively managed funds have historically outperformed midcap indices over long periods.

This makes them a better choice for wealth creation in the mid-cap segment.

Recommendations for Long-Term Mid-Cap Investments
Diversify: Include actively managed mid-cap funds instead of relying solely on an ETF.

Professional Guidance: Invest in regular plans via a Certified Financial Planner.

Monitor Performance: Review fund performance every 6–12 months.

Manage Risk: Avoid overexposure to mid-cap investments due to their volatility.

Final Insights
While Mirae Asset Midcap 150 ETF is a low-cost option, it has limitations.

Active mid-cap funds can better navigate market volatility.

They provide the flexibility and expertise required for wealth creation.

For long-term SIPs, consider balanced exposure to actively managed funds. This ensures both growth and risk management over time.

Best Regards,

K. Ramalingam, MBA, CFP,

Chief Financial Planner,

www.holisticinvestment.in
https://www.youtube.com/@HolisticInvestment

...Read more

Ramalingam

Ramalingam Kalirajan  |7367 Answers  |Ask -

Mutual Funds, Financial Planning Expert - Answered on Dec 28, 2024

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Dear sir, I am 50 years old and working in private sector MNC 1.5 Lakhs on hand. My job security is very less. I have two kids aged 18, 14 years old. My wife is housewife. I have 80L in Mutual funds and 20L in stocks, Bank deposits 40L. I am investing in SIP in below Mutual funds all direct growth around 57000 pm. CR Bule chip fund, MA Large and Midcap, HDFC smallcap each 5000 pm (15000) step up 2000 every 6months. Invesco Infra, JM Value fund, Nippon India Multicap, Small cap, Parag parekh Flexi cap, Quant Small cap, Mid cap each 6000 pm (42000), all these SIPs started recently from June 2024. Some Lumpsum in Axis smallcap 6L, Bandan core Equity 3L, CR Smallcap 8L, DSP smallcap 4L,HSBC Flexicap 3.5, HSBC Smallcap 3L, ICICI Pru Infra 3.5L, Value discovery 3L, Invesco Large & Midcap 2L, JM Flexicap 1L, Motilal Oswal Midcap 8L, SBI Bluechip 7L, Infrastructure 2L, Sundaram Smallcap 3L My expenses per month are 1.2 Lakh. I don't have loans/EMIs. Please advice me for my retirement life which need at least 1.5L per month, my kids education expenses, and also advice to my Portfolio. Thanks and regards, Yours sincerely, Purushotham Thati
Ans: Your current portfolio and investment habits show a good start. Let us evaluate your financial standing, address your goals, and provide suggestions for optimisation.

Assessment of Your Current Financial Position
Income and Expenses: You have a monthly income of Rs. 1.5 lakh and expenses of Rs. 1.2 lakh. This leaves a surplus of Rs. 30,000 per month.

Investment Corpus: Your existing corpus includes Rs. 80 lakh in mutual funds, Rs. 20 lakh in stocks, and Rs. 40 lakh in bank deposits.

SIP Contributions: You are investing Rs. 57,000 monthly across multiple mutual funds.

Lump Sum Investments: You have allocated significant lump sums to small-cap, flexi-cap, and thematic funds.

Goals: Your goals include securing Rs. 1.5 lakh monthly for retirement and funding your children's education.

Planning for Retirement
Corpus Required
You aim for Rs. 1.5 lakh per month during retirement.

Factor in inflation to estimate future monthly expenses.

The current corpus and SIPs must grow consistently to meet this goal.

Recommendations
Maintain a balanced allocation between equity and debt for steady growth.

Avoid excessive concentration in small-cap and thematic funds, which are volatile.

Increase exposure to balanced and flexi-cap funds for stability.

Planning for Children’s Education
Current Needs
Your children are aged 18 and 14, which implies upcoming higher education expenses.

Plan for expenses within the next 4–8 years.

Recommendations
Create a dedicated education fund for both children.

Use debt-oriented hybrid funds or short-term debt funds for near-term goals.

Ensure part of your mutual fund corpus is earmarked for this purpose.

Portfolio Review and Suggestions
Strengths of the Portfolio
Disciplined SIP Investments: Investing Rs. 57,000 monthly shows financial discipline.

Diversification: Exposure to various categories like large-cap, mid-cap, small-cap, and thematic funds.

Areas for Improvement
Excessive Small-Cap Allocation: High exposure to small-cap funds increases volatility.

Thematic Fund Overlap: Thematic funds like infrastructure may lead to concentration risks.

Direct Fund Investments: Direct funds lack professional guidance and ongoing monitoring.

Portfolio Optimisation
Consolidate funds to reduce over-diversification and improve focus.

Shift some SIPs to balanced advantage or hybrid funds for stability.

Review and replace underperforming funds periodically.

Invest through a Certified Financial Planner to benefit from professional advice.

Optimising Lumpsum Investments
Review the performance of your lump sum investments.

Redeploy underperforming small-cap and thematic funds into balanced funds.

Keep a portion of your bank deposits in liquid funds for emergencies.

Avoid high allocations to sectoral or cyclical funds due to their dependency on market conditions.

Tax Planning
Long-term capital gains on equity mutual funds above Rs. 1.25 lakh are taxed at 12.5%.

Short-term capital gains on equity funds are taxed at 20%.

Debt mutual funds are taxed as per your income tax slab.

Plan redemptions considering these rules to minimise tax liabilities.

Emergency Fund Allocation
Maintain at least 6–12 months of expenses in liquid funds or fixed deposits.

This ensures financial security given your low job security.

Allocate Rs. 15–20 lakh from your bank deposits for this purpose.

Recommendations for SIPs
Reduce exposure to small-cap and thematic funds.

Increase allocation to large-cap and multi-cap funds for stability.

Consider balanced advantage funds to manage market volatility.

Step-up SIPs only after assessing fund performance.

Final Insights
Your financial foundation is strong, but optimisation is essential.

Prioritise stability and diversification in your portfolio.

Allocate funds separately for retirement and children’s education.

Maintain a robust emergency fund to handle uncertainties.

Seek professional advice to streamline and monitor your investments.

Consistent review and disciplined investing will help you achieve financial independence and secure your family’s future.

Best Regards,

K. Ramalingam, MBA, CFP,

Chief Financial Planner,

www.holisticinvestment.in
https://www.youtube.com/@HolisticInvestment

...Read more

Milind

Milind Vadjikar  |807 Answers  |Ask -

Insurance, Stocks, MF, PF Expert - Answered on Dec 28, 2024

Asked by Anonymous - Dec 28, 2024Hindi
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Retiremen advice I am 50 yrs old single with recurring and chronic health issues. I would like to retire and I have 2 crore in FD 1 crore in stock and mutual funds I also own a home and a flat both are free of debt. Please advice me to restructure my assets and have a peaceful retirement. My tax consultant told me I can get up to 3 lakhs per month with 3 cr invested in stocks and mutual funds How realistic is it possible and how to montage the downside risks associated with it. I had been a victim of Franklin Templeton debt funds during covid and I do not trust Mutual funds houses or its manages as before.
Ans: Hello;

It is impossible to get 3 L per month with 3 Cr corpus in mutual funds, unless you are ready to deplete the corpus completely over 10-12 years.

Since you were impacted with Franklin Templeton debt funds issue earlier, I recommend you to buy an immediate annuity from a life insurance company for a sum of 2.8 Cr.

You may chose annuity for life with return of purchase price to your nominee.

It may yield you a post tax monthly income of around 1.1 L+.

After fulfilling your regular expenses you may begin a monthly sip of 10-15 K in any equity fund.

The corpus that this investment will generate over 10-15 years may be used to top-up annuity and hence monthly payouts to account for rise in the inflation.

You may keep balance 20 L corpus in savings account as emergency fund.

Although the Franklin Templeton debt fund issue was difficult for the unitholders of those funds, the alacrity and surgical precision with which SEBI handled that issue and ensured all investors get their money back was commendable.

We cannot control human behaviour but we have extremely robust system of checks and balances in regulation of our MF industry to safeguard investor interests at all costs even if some negative event occurs.

Seek help from a mutual fund distributor or an investment advisor for help, if required.

Best wishes;
X: @mars_invest

...Read more

Anu

Anu Krishna  |1413 Answers  |Ask -

Relationships Expert, Mind Coach - Answered on Dec 28, 2024

Asked by Anonymous - Dec 27, 2024Hindi
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Relationship
I live in a joint family with my brother and parents. I’ve been having a hard time managing my relationship with my bhabhi (sister-in-law). We live in the same house, and things have been tense lately. I’ve always tried to be polite and respectful, but there are constant little misunderstandings between us, and it’s starting to affect my peace of mind. We both want to keep things cordial for the family’s sake, but it feels like there’s always some tension whenever we interact. The problem is, I tend to get defensive whenever she says something I don’t agree with, and I know it’s only making things worse. I’m also trying to stay calm in front of everyone, but it’s hard not to let these small issues build up in my head. I really don’t want to keep feeling frustrated, but I don’t know how to change my approach. I love my brother and I want to improve the atmosphere at home and make sure I’m not letting these things affect me so much. Please help.
Ans: Dear Anonymous,
Joint family systems are filled with adventure and these things that you have brought up are part of that adventure.
Take things as they come and make sure you train yourself not to react...is this possible? YES, it is!
Let's say your Bhabhi accuses you of something, maybe your first reaction is to get defensive and explain or argue. Instead, what if you trained yourself to say: Okay, she's again accusing me of something; let's see what is the new thing that she has invented and let me have fun by simply listening.

This will ensure that your part of adventure gets playful and it will also enable you to respond rather than react. Now, does this happen overnight? NO, it requires a lot of mind training but start somewhere to get to someplace different.

All the best!
Anu Krishna
Mind Coach|NLP Trainer|Author
Drop in: www.unfear.io
Reach me: Facebook: anukrish07/ AND LinkedIn: anukrishna-joyofserving/

...Read more

Anu

Anu Krishna  |1413 Answers  |Ask -

Relationships Expert, Mind Coach - Answered on Dec 28, 2024

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Relationship
Hi, I Am 26(M). I had an arranged marriage, my wife had a pre-marital affair which continued even after our engagement and for 9 months of marriage. According to my wife, she met him once and he wanted to have sex but my wife didn't do it. (The used to chat on Instagram). I found out today after 2 years of marriage. And we just had a baby. My wife asked me to use Instagram after we got engaged, but I refused because I was afraid it would have a bad effect on her. I don't even use it cause I know what can go wrong. When I caught her red-handed and saw the man's chats, I took her phone. And then I had read a little chat, then my wife came to me and said that she had to call our maid. I gave her the phone and she not only spoke on the phone but also deleted the chats with the guy. My eyes were closed when she spoke to maid on the phone. Cause I was so tired. Then I asked my wife to talk to him in front of me because I wanted to teach him a lesson and find his fiancée and tell her the truth. I'm very loyal to my wife. And she was my world. I've never had a girlfriend. I am open minded and I had asked my wife before the engagement, after the engagement on the phone and even after the marriage that if she had a past, I will accept it. My wife messaged him and he asked her talk on video call. The guy also knows that we have just had a baby who is not even 1 month old. I turned on the screen recording of the video call and gave it to my wife. In that screen recording, my wife texted the guy and told him to talk carefully cause I was sitting in front of her and then deleted the message with option of 'delete for you' on Instagram. This is how my wife cheated on me 2 times even after being caught. She told me that she loved me later on. And she took great care of me. She brought me out of depression. She did everything and I also loved her with all my heart and did everything for her. Right now she is saying I forgive her and she wants to live with me like before. She apologized a ton as well. But I don't know what to do at the moment. After so many lies, I can't trust her easily. She has a habit of lying in small things as well. I want to live with her, she was my support, my mother is not even there. when I was 12 years old... Now what do I do? Please kindly guide me!
Ans: Dear LoneKnight,
Yes, you feel like your trust has been broken. Is it easy to build back that trust? Yes and No...Yes, if you wish to...No, if you don't wish to...
If you go back in time and play the same story about how you wife was on Instagram and how she 'cheated' on you, there is no way that you can put your marriage back together.
How are you open-minded when an Instagram account causes you to fear what will happen? I can understand that you are a person with no past girlfriends but people do come with a past. Now, your wife could have shared her past with you, but most women seem to not want to for fear of reaction from the men like you have now. I can see that all this has hurt you, but if you want this marriage to work, you are going to have to drop all the past baggage, yours and your wife's and start afresh. Which means taking things for what it is NOW at face value without doubting it.
Can you do that? My suggestion would be: make an honest attempt at it. But warn yourself against going back in to the past otherwise there will be more mud throwing and no solution in sight.
Start new, Start afresh...

All the best!
Anu Krishna
Mind Coach|NLP Trainer|Author
Drop in: www.unfear.io
Reach me: Facebook: anukrish07/ AND LinkedIn: anukrishna-joyofserving/

...Read more

DISCLAIMER: The content of this post by the expert is the personal view of the rediffGURU. Investment in securities market are subject to market risks. Read all the related document carefully before investing. The securities quoted are for illustration only and are not recommendatory. Users are advised to pursue the information provided by the rediffGURU only as a source of information and as a point of reference and to rely on their own judgement when making a decision. RediffGURUS is an intermediary as per India's Information Technology Act.

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A 6 digit code has been sent to Mobile

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