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Ulhas

Ulhas Joshi  |279 Answers  |Ask -

Mutual Fund Expert - Answered on Jul 04, 2023

With over 16 years of experience in the mutual fund industry, Ulhas Joshi has helped numerous clients choose the right funds and create wealth.
Prior to joining RankMF as CEO, he was vice president (sales) at IDBI Asset Management Ltd.
Joshi holds an MBA in marketing from Barkatullah University, Bhopal.... more
Asked by Anonymous - May 26, 2023Hindi
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I have 10cr net worth goal in 2030. My current portfolio is around 1.5 Cr. How much monthly SIP amount is required.

Ans: Hello and thanks for writing to me.

I will answer in 2 parts. One is the existing corpus of Rs.1.5 Crore which will also grow and then there will be fresh SIP's that you will begin.

If your current portfolio grows at 14%, the value of your current investments of Rs.1.5 Crore will be around Rs.3.7 Crore.

To create a corpus of around 6.3 Crore in 7 years, you will need to begin monthly SIP's of around Rs.4.5 Lakh.
DISCLAIMER: The content of this post by the expert is the personal view of the rediffGURU. Users are advised to pursue the information provided by the rediffGURU only as a source of information to be as a point of reference and to rely on their own judgement when making a decision.
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Ramalingam

Ramalingam Kalirajan  |7367 Answers  |Ask -

Mutual Funds, Financial Planning Expert - Answered on May 09, 2024

Asked by Anonymous - Apr 30, 2024Hindi
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I am 38 years I am planning to retire at 45 years with 2 Cr on corpus.let me know how much SIp I need to do as I am aggressive investor.
Ans: It's commendable that you're planning for an early retirement at 45 and aiming for a significant corpus of 2 Crores. As an aggressive investor, you're willing to take on higher risk for potentially higher returns.

To achieve your goal, you'll need to calculate the SIP amount based on factors like expected rate of return and investment horizon. Since you're aiming for an early retirement, you'll likely need to invest a substantial amount each month to reach your target.

As a Certified Financial Planner, I advise caution when aiming for aggressive investment goals. While higher risk can lead to higher returns, it also increases the possibility of volatility and potential losses.

Instead of providing a specific SIP amount here, I recommend scheduling a consultation with a CFP who can conduct a detailed analysis of your financial situation, risk tolerance, and investment goals.

During the consultation, your CFP will help determine the most appropriate investment strategy to maximize growth potential while managing risk effectively. They'll consider factors like asset allocation, diversification, and investment time horizon to tailor a plan that aligns with your objectives.

Remember, achieving financial goals requires discipline, patience, and a well-thought-out strategy. By working closely with a CFP, you can create a roadmap to reach your retirement target and secure your financial future.

Best Regards,
K. Ramalingam, MBA, CFP,
Chief Financial Planner,
www.holisticinvestment.in

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Ramalingam

Ramalingam Kalirajan  |7367 Answers  |Ask -

Mutual Funds, Financial Planning Expert - Answered on May 16, 2024

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My current portfolio is around 1 Cr. How much monthly SIP amount is required.to gain 5cr till 2035
Ans: As a Certified Financial Planner, my foremost goal is to assist you in formulating a structured plan to attain your financial aspirations. With a portfolio currently standing at ?1 Crore, envisioning a growth to ?5 Crore by 2035 necessitates a diligent investment strategy.

Understanding Your Financial Ambition
Congratulations on accumulating a significant portfolio of ?1 Crore. Your aspiration to quintuple this amount by 2035 reflects a commendable vision for your financial future. It's crucial to understand the timeline and the growth trajectory required to achieve this ambitious target.

Analyzing the Investment Horizon and Return Expectations
Given the target duration of 11 years till 2035, achieving a ?5 Crore portfolio requires consistent and substantial growth. With an average annual return expectation of around 12%, we can chart a strategic path towards realizing your financial goal.

Designing an Effective SIP Strategy
To embark on this journey, we'll leverage the power of Systematic Investment Plans (SIPs), a disciplined approach to investing that ensures regular contributions towards wealth accumulation. By systematically investing a fixed amount at regular intervals, we mitigate the impact of market fluctuations while benefiting from the power of compounding.

Determining the Monthly SIP Contribution
Calculating the monthly SIP amount involves striking a balance between your current portfolio size, the investment horizon, and the expected rate of return. Factoring in these parameters, we arrive at a monthly SIP contribution that aligns with your financial objective of reaching ?5 Crore by 2035.

Advocating for Actively Managed Funds
In pursuing this goal, it's imperative to opt for actively managed funds over index funds. While index funds offer low expense ratios, they lack the potential for outperformance and active risk management provided by skilled fund managers. Actively managed funds, through their dynamic strategies, strive to generate superior returns, thus better suited to achieving your ambitious target.

Emphasizing the Role of a Certified Financial Planner
As a Certified Financial Planner, my role extends beyond mere advice-giving. I serve as your financial ally, meticulously crafting and monitoring your investment plan, adapting it to changing market conditions, and ensuring it remains aligned with your evolving financial goals. By entrusting your financial journey to a CFP, you benefit from personalized guidance and a holistic approach to wealth management.

Conclusion: Charting a Course Towards Financial Success
In summary, achieving a ?5 Crore portfolio by 2035 requires a well-thought-out investment strategy centered around SIPs and actively managed funds. With a calculated monthly SIP contribution and the guidance of a Certified Financial Planner, you're poised to navigate the financial landscape with confidence, realizing your aspirations and securing your future prosperity.

Best Regards,

K. Ramalingam, MBA, CFP,

Chief Financial Planner,

www.holisticinvestment.in

..Read more

Ramalingam

Ramalingam Kalirajan  |7367 Answers  |Ask -

Mutual Funds, Financial Planning Expert - Answered on Oct 24, 2024

Asked by Anonymous - Oct 16, 2024Hindi
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I am 35years I am planning to retire at 58 years with 2 Cr on corpus.let me know how much SIP I need to invest
Ans: At 35 years of age, aiming for a Rs 2 crore retirement corpus by 58 is an achievable goal with disciplined investing. Let’s break down the steps to assess your SIP requirements.

Evaluating Your Time Horizon and Goal
You have 23 years to accumulate Rs 2 crore. This long-term horizon allows you to take advantage of equity mutual funds' potential growth. With time on your side, the power of compounding will work in your favour.

However, as you approach retirement, you should consider gradually shifting part of your investments to safer avenues to protect the corpus from market volatility.

Factors to Consider for SIP Calculation
Before deciding on the SIP amount, keep these factors in mind:

Inflation Impact: Inflation will erode the purchasing power of your corpus. To address this, targeting a slightly higher corpus (beyond Rs 2 crore) is prudent.

Expected Returns: Equity mutual funds have historically provided returns of 10-12% per annum. For conservative planning, assume a return of around 10% annually.

Tax Considerations: Long-term capital gains (LTCG) on equity mutual funds are taxable at 12.5% above Rs 1.25 lakh per year. Keeping this in mind helps in better planning.

How Much SIP to Invest?
The SIP amount you need depends on the rate of return you assume and how aggressively you want to invest. Here's an estimated SIP amount range based on different return assumptions:

Assuming 10% returns: You would need to invest around Rs 25,000-30,000 per month.

Assuming 12% returns: You could achieve the same corpus with an SIP of around Rs 20,000-25,000 per month.

These are rough estimates, and the actual amount will vary depending on market conditions, your portfolio performance, and adjustments over time.

Why Equity Mutual Funds Are Suitable
For a 23-year time horizon, equity mutual funds offer growth potential that other asset classes might not match. Here’s why:

Growth Potential: Equity funds can outpace inflation and provide significant wealth creation over the long term.

Diversification: Investing in a variety of equity funds helps balance risk and reward, especially in a volatile market.

Flexibility: You can adjust your SIPs based on your financial situation, increasing or decreasing contributions as necessary.

Avoid Index Funds and Direct Plans
While index funds are popular for their low cost, actively managed equity funds could provide better returns in the long run due to their ability to outperform benchmarks. Direct plans may seem attractive because of lower expense ratios, but working with a Certified Financial Planner (CFP) and investing in regular plans through a mutual fund distributor can offer better guidance and active monitoring of your portfolio.

Adjusting Your SIP Over Time
As you get closer to retirement, you should review and adjust your SIPs to ensure you stay on track:

Increase SIP Amount: Gradually increasing your SIP contributions over time helps counter inflation and any market fluctuations.

Portfolio Rebalancing: Closer to retirement, you might want to move some funds into debt mutual funds to reduce risk.

Systematic Withdrawal Plans (SWP): Post-retirement, an SWP can provide regular income while keeping your investments growing.

Final Insights
To reach a Rs 2 crore retirement corpus by age 58, starting with an SIP of Rs 20,000 to Rs 30,000 is a practical and achievable goal. Equities are likely your best bet for long-term growth, but plan for tax implications and the impact of inflation on your retirement lifestyle.

Regularly review your investments with your CFP to stay on track. You can always increase your SIP as your income grows, ensuring your corpus meets your future financial needs.

Best Regards,
K. Ramalingam, MBA, CFP,
Chief Financial Planner,
www.holisticinvestment.in
https://www.youtube.com/@HolisticInvestment

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Ramalingam

Ramalingam Kalirajan  |7367 Answers  |Ask -

Mutual Funds, Financial Planning Expert - Answered on Nov 26, 2024

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Hello Sir- At present my SIP portfolio is 1cr. how much shall i get on monthly basis if i plan for SWP
Ans: An SWP allows you to withdraw a fixed amount regularly from your mutual fund investments. It is ideal for creating a steady income post-investment.

Your portfolio of Rs. 1 crore can be efficiently utilised for an SWP while keeping your capital intact or growing it gradually, depending on withdrawal and returns.

Factors That Determine Your Monthly SWP Amount
Several factors impact how much you can withdraw monthly:

Portfolio Growth Rate: The average annual return on your mutual fund portfolio.

Equity funds may provide returns of 10-12% over the long term.
Balanced funds may offer returns of 8-10%.
Withdrawal Rate: A sustainable withdrawal rate ensures your portfolio lasts long. Typically, a 6-8% annual withdrawal is advisable.

Investment Allocation: The balance between equity and debt investments affects returns and volatility.

Market Conditions: In volatile periods, higher withdrawals can erode your portfolio faster.

Ideal Monthly SWP for Your Portfolio
Option 1: Moderate Growth with Safety
Withdraw 6% annually, equivalent to Rs. 50,000 per month.
This approach ensures your capital remains largely intact and grows modestly.
Option 2: Balanced Growth and Income
Withdraw 8% annually, equivalent to Rs. 67,000 per month.
This balances regular income with portfolio longevity.
Option 3: Higher Income for Immediate Needs
Withdraw 10% annually, equivalent to Rs. 83,000 per month.
Suitable if you prioritise income but may reduce portfolio longevity.
Tax Implications
SWP has tax benefits compared to withdrawing from fixed-income products:

Equity-Oriented Funds:

LTCG above Rs. 1.25 lakh is taxed at 12.5%.
STCG is taxed at 20%.
Debt-Oriented Funds:

Both LTCG and STCG are taxed as per your income tax slab.
SWP withdrawals are considered a mix of principal and returns, reducing immediate tax liability.

Advantages of SWP
Steady Cash Flow
Provides a predictable monthly income without relying on dividends or interest.
Capital Growth
Allows the remaining portfolio to grow, ensuring income sustainability.
Inflation Adjustment
You can revise withdrawal amounts periodically to match inflation.
Tax Efficiency
Compared to traditional fixed-income options, SWP offers lower taxation over the long term.
Suggested Strategy for Your SWP
1. Diversify Across Funds
Maintain a mix of equity and debt funds.
Equity funds provide growth; debt funds ensure stability.
2. Start with a Moderate Withdrawal Rate
Begin with 6-8% annually.
Review and adjust the withdrawal rate based on portfolio performance.
3. Keep a Contingency Reserve
Allocate a portion of your portfolio to liquid funds for emergencies.
4. Work with a Certified Financial Planner
A CFP can tailor the withdrawal rate based on your goals and portfolio performance.
They will also help rebalance your portfolio periodically for optimal returns.
Risks to Consider
Market Volatility
Equity markets can fluctuate, affecting portfolio growth during withdrawals.
Overdrawing
Withdrawing more than the sustainable rate can deplete your portfolio prematurely.
Inflation
Failing to adjust withdrawals for inflation may erode purchasing power over time.
Taxation
Understand the tax implications and keep records for annual filing.
Finally
Your Rs. 1 crore SIP portfolio can generate a steady monthly income through an SWP.

Start with a withdrawal rate of 6-8% for sustainable income.
Diversify across equity and debt funds to balance growth and safety.
Adjust withdrawals periodically to match inflation and portfolio performance.
Work closely with a Certified Financial Planner to create a customised SWP plan that aligns with your needs and ensures long-term financial stability.

Best Regards,

K. Ramalingam, MBA, CFP,

Chief Financial Planner,

www.holisticinvestment.in
https://www.youtube.com/@HolisticInvestment

..Read more

Latest Questions
Ramalingam

Ramalingam Kalirajan  |7367 Answers  |Ask -

Mutual Funds, Financial Planning Expert - Answered on Dec 28, 2024

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Requesting you, to help me, regarding midcap 150 etf of mirae asset midcap 150 etf for longterm through SIP
Ans: Let us review the suitability of investing in a mid-cap 150 ETF for the long term via SIP.

Understanding ETFs and Their Characteristics
Passive Management: Midcap ETFs replicate an index like the Nifty Midcap 150.

Cost Efficiency: They offer lower expense ratios compared to actively managed funds.

No Active Decision Making: They do not try to outperform the market but track the index.

Volatility Concerns: Midcap indices are more volatile than large-cap indices.

Returns Depend on Index: The ETF's performance mirrors the performance of its benchmark.

Disadvantages of Investing in Midcap ETFs
Lack of Active Management
Mid-cap stocks are highly volatile.

Active fund managers can adjust portfolios to limit risks during downturns.

ETFs lack this flexibility, as they strictly follow the index composition.

Limited Flexibility in Rebalancing
Market conditions often demand sector rotation or stock-specific decisions.

Actively managed funds adapt to such conditions, but ETFs cannot.

Tracking Errors
ETFs may not perfectly replicate the index due to tracking errors.

This can affect returns, especially over the long term.

Why Actively Managed Funds May Be Better
Fund Manager Expertise
Skilled managers can outperform the index by selecting high-growth stocks.

They can mitigate risks in falling markets through tactical decisions.

Flexibility in Stock Selection
Active funds are not limited to a predefined basket of stocks.

Managers can select fundamentally strong stocks beyond the index.

Potential for Higher Returns
Actively managed funds have historically outperformed midcap indices over long periods.

This makes them a better choice for wealth creation in the mid-cap segment.

Recommendations for Long-Term Mid-Cap Investments
Diversify: Include actively managed mid-cap funds instead of relying solely on an ETF.

Professional Guidance: Invest in regular plans via a Certified Financial Planner.

Monitor Performance: Review fund performance every 6–12 months.

Manage Risk: Avoid overexposure to mid-cap investments due to their volatility.

Final Insights
While Mirae Asset Midcap 150 ETF is a low-cost option, it has limitations.

Active mid-cap funds can better navigate market volatility.

They provide the flexibility and expertise required for wealth creation.

For long-term SIPs, consider balanced exposure to actively managed funds. This ensures both growth and risk management over time.

Best Regards,

K. Ramalingam, MBA, CFP,

Chief Financial Planner,

www.holisticinvestment.in
https://www.youtube.com/@HolisticInvestment

...Read more

Ramalingam

Ramalingam Kalirajan  |7367 Answers  |Ask -

Mutual Funds, Financial Planning Expert - Answered on Dec 28, 2024

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Dear sir, I am 50 years old and working in private sector MNC 1.5 Lakhs on hand. My job security is very less. I have two kids aged 18, 14 years old. My wife is housewife. I have 80L in Mutual funds and 20L in stocks, Bank deposits 40L. I am investing in SIP in below Mutual funds all direct growth around 57000 pm. CR Bule chip fund, MA Large and Midcap, HDFC smallcap each 5000 pm (15000) step up 2000 every 6months. Invesco Infra, JM Value fund, Nippon India Multicap, Small cap, Parag parekh Flexi cap, Quant Small cap, Mid cap each 6000 pm (42000), all these SIPs started recently from June 2024. Some Lumpsum in Axis smallcap 6L, Bandan core Equity 3L, CR Smallcap 8L, DSP smallcap 4L,HSBC Flexicap 3.5, HSBC Smallcap 3L, ICICI Pru Infra 3.5L, Value discovery 3L, Invesco Large & Midcap 2L, JM Flexicap 1L, Motilal Oswal Midcap 8L, SBI Bluechip 7L, Infrastructure 2L, Sundaram Smallcap 3L My expenses per month are 1.2 Lakh. I don't have loans/EMIs. Please advice me for my retirement life which need at least 1.5L per month, my kids education expenses, and also advice to my Portfolio. Thanks and regards, Yours sincerely, Purushotham Thati
Ans: Your current portfolio and investment habits show a good start. Let us evaluate your financial standing, address your goals, and provide suggestions for optimisation.

Assessment of Your Current Financial Position
Income and Expenses: You have a monthly income of Rs. 1.5 lakh and expenses of Rs. 1.2 lakh. This leaves a surplus of Rs. 30,000 per month.

Investment Corpus: Your existing corpus includes Rs. 80 lakh in mutual funds, Rs. 20 lakh in stocks, and Rs. 40 lakh in bank deposits.

SIP Contributions: You are investing Rs. 57,000 monthly across multiple mutual funds.

Lump Sum Investments: You have allocated significant lump sums to small-cap, flexi-cap, and thematic funds.

Goals: Your goals include securing Rs. 1.5 lakh monthly for retirement and funding your children's education.

Planning for Retirement
Corpus Required
You aim for Rs. 1.5 lakh per month during retirement.

Factor in inflation to estimate future monthly expenses.

The current corpus and SIPs must grow consistently to meet this goal.

Recommendations
Maintain a balanced allocation between equity and debt for steady growth.

Avoid excessive concentration in small-cap and thematic funds, which are volatile.

Increase exposure to balanced and flexi-cap funds for stability.

Planning for Children’s Education
Current Needs
Your children are aged 18 and 14, which implies upcoming higher education expenses.

Plan for expenses within the next 4–8 years.

Recommendations
Create a dedicated education fund for both children.

Use debt-oriented hybrid funds or short-term debt funds for near-term goals.

Ensure part of your mutual fund corpus is earmarked for this purpose.

Portfolio Review and Suggestions
Strengths of the Portfolio
Disciplined SIP Investments: Investing Rs. 57,000 monthly shows financial discipline.

Diversification: Exposure to various categories like large-cap, mid-cap, small-cap, and thematic funds.

Areas for Improvement
Excessive Small-Cap Allocation: High exposure to small-cap funds increases volatility.

Thematic Fund Overlap: Thematic funds like infrastructure may lead to concentration risks.

Direct Fund Investments: Direct funds lack professional guidance and ongoing monitoring.

Portfolio Optimisation
Consolidate funds to reduce over-diversification and improve focus.

Shift some SIPs to balanced advantage or hybrid funds for stability.

Review and replace underperforming funds periodically.

Invest through a Certified Financial Planner to benefit from professional advice.

Optimising Lumpsum Investments
Review the performance of your lump sum investments.

Redeploy underperforming small-cap and thematic funds into balanced funds.

Keep a portion of your bank deposits in liquid funds for emergencies.

Avoid high allocations to sectoral or cyclical funds due to their dependency on market conditions.

Tax Planning
Long-term capital gains on equity mutual funds above Rs. 1.25 lakh are taxed at 12.5%.

Short-term capital gains on equity funds are taxed at 20%.

Debt mutual funds are taxed as per your income tax slab.

Plan redemptions considering these rules to minimise tax liabilities.

Emergency Fund Allocation
Maintain at least 6–12 months of expenses in liquid funds or fixed deposits.

This ensures financial security given your low job security.

Allocate Rs. 15–20 lakh from your bank deposits for this purpose.

Recommendations for SIPs
Reduce exposure to small-cap and thematic funds.

Increase allocation to large-cap and multi-cap funds for stability.

Consider balanced advantage funds to manage market volatility.

Step-up SIPs only after assessing fund performance.

Final Insights
Your financial foundation is strong, but optimisation is essential.

Prioritise stability and diversification in your portfolio.

Allocate funds separately for retirement and children’s education.

Maintain a robust emergency fund to handle uncertainties.

Seek professional advice to streamline and monitor your investments.

Consistent review and disciplined investing will help you achieve financial independence and secure your family’s future.

Best Regards,

K. Ramalingam, MBA, CFP,

Chief Financial Planner,

www.holisticinvestment.in
https://www.youtube.com/@HolisticInvestment

...Read more

Milind

Milind Vadjikar  |807 Answers  |Ask -

Insurance, Stocks, MF, PF Expert - Answered on Dec 28, 2024

Asked by Anonymous - Dec 28, 2024Hindi
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Retiremen advice I am 50 yrs old single with recurring and chronic health issues. I would like to retire and I have 2 crore in FD 1 crore in stock and mutual funds I also own a home and a flat both are free of debt. Please advice me to restructure my assets and have a peaceful retirement. My tax consultant told me I can get up to 3 lakhs per month with 3 cr invested in stocks and mutual funds How realistic is it possible and how to montage the downside risks associated with it. I had been a victim of Franklin Templeton debt funds during covid and I do not trust Mutual funds houses or its manages as before.
Ans: Hello;

It is impossible to get 3 L per month with 3 Cr corpus in mutual funds, unless you are ready to deplete the corpus completely over 10-12 years.

Since you were impacted with Franklin Templeton debt funds issue earlier, I recommend you to buy an immediate annuity from a life insurance company for a sum of 2.8 Cr.

You may chose annuity for life with return of purchase price to your nominee.

It may yield you a post tax monthly income of around 1.1 L+.

After fulfilling your regular expenses you may begin a monthly sip of 10-15 K in any equity fund.

The corpus that this investment will generate over 10-15 years may be used to top-up annuity and hence monthly payouts to account for rise in the inflation.

You may keep balance 20 L corpus in savings account as emergency fund.

Although the Franklin Templeton debt fund issue was difficult for the unitholders of those funds, the alacrity and surgical precision with which SEBI handled that issue and ensured all investors get their money back was commendable.

We cannot control human behaviour but we have extremely robust system of checks and balances in regulation of our MF industry to safeguard investor interests at all costs even if some negative event occurs.

Seek help from a mutual fund distributor or an investment advisor for help, if required.

Best wishes;
X: @mars_invest

...Read more

Anu

Anu Krishna  |1414 Answers  |Ask -

Relationships Expert, Mind Coach - Answered on Dec 28, 2024

Asked by Anonymous - Dec 27, 2024Hindi
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Relationship
I live in a joint family with my brother and parents. I’ve been having a hard time managing my relationship with my bhabhi (sister-in-law). We live in the same house, and things have been tense lately. I’ve always tried to be polite and respectful, but there are constant little misunderstandings between us, and it’s starting to affect my peace of mind. We both want to keep things cordial for the family’s sake, but it feels like there’s always some tension whenever we interact. The problem is, I tend to get defensive whenever she says something I don’t agree with, and I know it’s only making things worse. I’m also trying to stay calm in front of everyone, but it’s hard not to let these small issues build up in my head. I really don’t want to keep feeling frustrated, but I don’t know how to change my approach. I love my brother and I want to improve the atmosphere at home and make sure I’m not letting these things affect me so much. Please help.
Ans: Dear Anonymous,
Joint family systems are filled with adventure and these things that you have brought up are part of that adventure.
Take things as they come and make sure you train yourself not to react...is this possible? YES, it is!
Let's say your Bhabhi accuses you of something, maybe your first reaction is to get defensive and explain or argue. Instead, what if you trained yourself to say: Okay, she's again accusing me of something; let's see what is the new thing that she has invented and let me have fun by simply listening.

This will ensure that your part of adventure gets playful and it will also enable you to respond rather than react. Now, does this happen overnight? NO, it requires a lot of mind training but start somewhere to get to someplace different.

All the best!
Anu Krishna
Mind Coach|NLP Trainer|Author
Drop in: www.unfear.io
Reach me: Facebook: anukrish07/ AND LinkedIn: anukrishna-joyofserving/

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Anu

Anu Krishna  |1414 Answers  |Ask -

Relationships Expert, Mind Coach - Answered on Dec 28, 2024

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Hi, I Am 26(M). I had an arranged marriage, my wife had a pre-marital affair which continued even after our engagement and for 9 months of marriage. According to my wife, she met him once and he wanted to have sex but my wife didn't do it. (The used to chat on Instagram). I found out today after 2 years of marriage. And we just had a baby. My wife asked me to use Instagram after we got engaged, but I refused because I was afraid it would have a bad effect on her. I don't even use it cause I know what can go wrong. When I caught her red-handed and saw the man's chats, I took her phone. And then I had read a little chat, then my wife came to me and said that she had to call our maid. I gave her the phone and she not only spoke on the phone but also deleted the chats with the guy. My eyes were closed when she spoke to maid on the phone. Cause I was so tired. Then I asked my wife to talk to him in front of me because I wanted to teach him a lesson and find his fiancée and tell her the truth. I'm very loyal to my wife. And she was my world. I've never had a girlfriend. I am open minded and I had asked my wife before the engagement, after the engagement on the phone and even after the marriage that if she had a past, I will accept it. My wife messaged him and he asked her talk on video call. The guy also knows that we have just had a baby who is not even 1 month old. I turned on the screen recording of the video call and gave it to my wife. In that screen recording, my wife texted the guy and told him to talk carefully cause I was sitting in front of her and then deleted the message with option of 'delete for you' on Instagram. This is how my wife cheated on me 2 times even after being caught. She told me that she loved me later on. And she took great care of me. She brought me out of depression. She did everything and I also loved her with all my heart and did everything for her. Right now she is saying I forgive her and she wants to live with me like before. She apologized a ton as well. But I don't know what to do at the moment. After so many lies, I can't trust her easily. She has a habit of lying in small things as well. I want to live with her, she was my support, my mother is not even there. when I was 12 years old... Now what do I do? Please kindly guide me!
Ans: Dear LoneKnight,
Yes, you feel like your trust has been broken. Is it easy to build back that trust? Yes and No...Yes, if you wish to...No, if you don't wish to...
If you go back in time and play the same story about how you wife was on Instagram and how she 'cheated' on you, there is no way that you can put your marriage back together.
How are you open-minded when an Instagram account causes you to fear what will happen? I can understand that you are a person with no past girlfriends but people do come with a past. Now, your wife could have shared her past with you, but most women seem to not want to for fear of reaction from the men like you have now. I can see that all this has hurt you, but if you want this marriage to work, you are going to have to drop all the past baggage, yours and your wife's and start afresh. Which means taking things for what it is NOW at face value without doubting it.
Can you do that? My suggestion would be: make an honest attempt at it. But warn yourself against going back in to the past otherwise there will be more mud throwing and no solution in sight.
Start new, Start afresh...

All the best!
Anu Krishna
Mind Coach|NLP Trainer|Author
Drop in: www.unfear.io
Reach me: Facebook: anukrish07/ AND LinkedIn: anukrishna-joyofserving/
Asked on - Dec 28, 2024 | Answered on Dec 28, 2024
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Thanks You Very Much Ma'am For Your Answer. The Reason For Not Using Instagram Was Cause I Didn't Wanted To Look At Any Other Women Instead Of Her. My Intentions Were Pure. Also I Didn't wanted a thing which can spark of cheating so there will be no fire. I am open minded I told her I will accept it. Problem is that affair continued even after engagement and marriage (till 9 months of marriage) But today's condition is that i think she has lost interest. We have tradition inwhich wife goes to their home and stay for 2-3 months. Her mother has been so influential from beginning so am telling her to comeback. She is not ready to comeback even when I am sick. I told her to come back for at least 4-5 days so we can talk. I am afraid she will mindwash her. And I can see that. I have given the best possible time yet she is complaining that I don't give time. When I told her to come back she overeated that she will never go there and that. She wasn't like this. She was with me in my everything. I am so confused. I have forgiven & forgotten everything about the past still... What do you suggest ma'am???
Ans: Dear LoneKnight,
I have already made my suggestions in the initial response. Start afresh and wipe the slate clean. Rebuilding trust cannot happen overnight, so give the marriage a fair GO.
What you have shared again are problems and when you stay in that Zone, you will only be able to focus on problems. When there is an intention to solve the issue, the prerequisite is to move away from all the things that have gone wrong/bad and all the things that you think will go wrong/bad. That's the only way to solve problems. So my suggestions are still the same.

All the best!
Anu Krishna
Mind Coach|NLP Trainer|Author
Drop in: www.unfear.io
Reach me: Facebook: anukrish07/ AND LinkedIn: anukrishna-joyofserving/

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