Home > Money > Question
Need Expert Advice?Our Gurus Can Help
Ramalingam

Ramalingam Kalirajan  |6971 Answers  |Ask -

Mutual Funds, Financial Planning Expert - Answered on Jun 11, 2024

Ramalingam Kalirajan has over 23 years of experience in mutual funds and financial planning.
He has an MBA in finance from the University of Madras and is a certified financial planner.
He is the director and chief financial planner at Holistic Investment, a Chennai-based firm that offers financial planning and wealth management advice.... more
Asked by Anonymous - Jun 04, 2024Hindi
Money

I am 28 year old. I want 1 crore in 5 years, and currently investing 10k in mutual funds. What amount of SIP should I start to achieve 1 crore in 5 years.

Ans: Understanding Your Goal
Achieving Rs. 1 crore in 5 years is an ambitious target. It requires careful planning and disciplined investing.

You currently invest Rs. 10,000 per month in mutual funds. Let's analyse the situation and devise a strategy to reach your goal.

The Power of Systematic Investment Plans (SIPs)
Systematic Investment Plans (SIPs) allow for disciplined, regular investments in mutual funds. SIPs help in averaging out market volatility and accumulating a significant corpus over time.

Investing regularly can help achieve large financial goals. Let’s explore how much you need to invest monthly.

Calculating the Required SIP Amount
To achieve Rs. 1 crore in 5 years, we need to understand the rate of return and the amount to be invested.

Assuming a conservative annual return of 12%, we can calculate the required SIP amount using a financial formula.

The formula for Future Value of SIP is:

Future Value = P * [ (1 + r/n)^(nt) - 1 ] / (r/n)

where:

P is the SIP amount
r is the annual return rate (decimal)
n is the number of times the interest is compounded per year
t is the number of years
To achieve Rs. 1 crore in 5 years, with an annual return of 12%:

1,00,00,000 = P * [ (1 + 0.12/12)^(12*5) - 1 ] / (0.12/12)

Solving this will give us the SIP amount required.

Assessing the Required SIP Amount
Using the formula, we find that you need to invest around Rs. 1,29,800 per month to achieve Rs. 1 crore in 5 years with a 12% annual return.

This amount is significantly higher than your current investment of Rs. 10,000 per month. Let's explore how you can adjust your strategy.

Exploring Investment Options
Increase Monthly SIP:

Consider increasing your SIP amount gradually.
Start with an affordable increase and aim to reach the required amount.
Increase Investment Horizon:

Extending your investment period reduces monthly SIP requirement.
A longer horizon allows more time for compounding to work.
Seek Higher Returns:

Explore funds with higher potential returns, keeping in mind the risk involved.
Diversify your portfolio to balance risk and returns.
Benefits of Actively Managed Funds
Actively managed funds involve professional fund managers making investment decisions. These managers aim to outperform the market.

Advantages:

Potential for higher returns compared to index funds.
Professional management ensures better asset allocation.
Flexibility in investment strategies to adapt to market conditions.
Disadvantages of Index Funds:

Limited to the performance of the index.
Less flexibility in asset allocation.
No active management to mitigate risks or seize opportunities.
Importance of Regular Funds
Investing through a Mutual Fund Distributor (MFD) with a Certified Financial Planner (CFP) ensures professional guidance.

Benefits:

Regular funds provide ongoing advisory services.
Access to research and insights for informed decisions.
Assistance in portfolio rebalancing and adjustments.
Disadvantages of Direct Funds:

Lack of professional guidance.
More responsibility on the investor to make informed choices.
Potential for missed opportunities or increased risk.
Adjusting Your Financial Plan
To bridge the gap between your current investment and the required SIP, consider these steps:

Increase Income:

Explore ways to boost your income.
Additional income can be directed towards your SIP.
Reduce Expenses:

Cut unnecessary expenses and redirect savings to investments.
Prioritize your financial goal over discretionary spending.
Bonus and Windfalls:

Invest any bonuses, incentives, or windfalls.
Lump-sum investments can significantly boost your corpus.
Track and Review:

Regularly review your investment portfolio.
Adjust based on market conditions and financial goals.

You have a commendable goal and the discipline to invest regularly. This shows your dedication towards achieving financial freedom.

Your current SIP is a great start. With strategic adjustments, you can reach your goal.

Understanding Risks and Returns
Investing involves risks. Higher returns often come with higher risks. It’s important to understand your risk tolerance.

Diversify your investments to balance risk and returns. Diversification spreads risk across various assets, reducing overall risk.


We understand that achieving Rs. 1 crore in 5 years seems challenging. However, with a disciplined approach, it is achievable.

Financial planning requires commitment and sometimes tough decisions. But your long-term financial security is worth the effort.

Final Insights
To achieve Rs. 1 crore in 5 years, you need to significantly increase your monthly SIP. Consider increasing income, reducing expenses, and investing windfalls.

Seek higher returns through actively managed funds. Diversify your portfolio to balance risk. Invest through a Certified Financial Planner for professional guidance.

Regularly review and adjust your investments. Stay disciplined and committed to your goal.

You are on the right path. With strategic adjustments, you can achieve your financial goal.

Best Regards,

K. Ramalingam, MBA, CFP,

Chief Financial Planner,

www.holisticinvestment.in
DISCLAIMER: The content of this post by the expert is the personal view of the rediffGURU. Users are advised to pursue the information provided by the rediffGURU only as a source of information to be as a point of reference and to rely on their own judgement when making a decision.
Money

You may like to see similar questions and answers below

Ramalingam

Ramalingam Kalirajan  |6971 Answers  |Ask -

Mutual Funds, Financial Planning Expert - Answered on Aug 12, 2024

Asked by Anonymous - Jul 15, 2024Hindi
Listen
Money
Hi Guys, I am 30 yrs old (Single) salaried employee earning 8LPA. I have recently started SIP in mutual funds investing 5K each in Quant Small Cap, Midcap, Flexi cap, ELSS & Nippon India small cap fund which in total becomes 25K. How many years it will take to become 1 Crore and any other suggestions towards my investment. And Occasionally I do buy some IPO's.
Ans: You are on a strong financial path by investing Rs. 25,000 per month through SIPs across various mutual funds. This shows dedication to building wealth. At 30 years old, your early start will provide a good runway for growth.

Assessing Your Goal
Target Corpus: Rs. 1 Crore

Accumulating Rs. 1 crore is a significant goal. With disciplined investing, it’s achievable.

The time to reach Rs. 1 crore depends on the average annual return of your investments. Typically, equity mutual funds can offer 12-15% returns over the long term.

Investment Horizon

If your SIPs average a return of 12% annually, it would take about 15 years to reach Rs. 1 crore.

With a higher return of 15%, you could achieve this in approximately 13 years.

These are estimates, as actual returns can vary based on market conditions and fund performance.

Evaluating Your Current Portfolio
Fund Selection

Your portfolio is diversified across small-cap, mid-cap, flexi-cap, and ELSS funds. This diversification reduces risk and increases potential returns.

However, investing in two small-cap funds (Quant Small Cap and Nippon India Small Cap) increases exposure to high-risk assets. Small-cap funds can be volatile and may not always deliver consistent returns.

Balancing Risk

Consider balancing your portfolio by reducing exposure to small-cap funds. Reallocate some investments into large-cap or hybrid funds for stability.

Flexi-cap funds offer flexibility by investing across large, mid, and small-cap stocks. This is good for balancing growth and risk.

ELSS funds not only provide tax benefits but also serve as equity investments. They are a smart choice for long-term goals.

Suggested Adjustments
Review Small-Cap Allocation

Small-cap funds offer high growth potential but with high risk. Limit your exposure to small-cap funds to around 20-25% of your total investment.

Consider reallocating a portion from small-cap funds to large-cap or hybrid funds. This will help in stabilizing your portfolio while still offering growth.

Diversify with Large-Cap or Hybrid Funds

Large-cap funds invest in well-established companies. They offer steady returns with lower risk compared to small-cap and mid-cap funds.

Hybrid funds, which invest in both equity and debt, provide a balance between risk and return. They can act as a buffer during market downturns.

Review Your Portfolio Annually

It’s important to review your portfolio annually. Make adjustments based on market performance and changes in your financial goals.

Rebalancing your portfolio ensures that it remains aligned with your risk tolerance and investment horizon.

IPO Investments
Occasional IPO Investments

IPOs can offer good returns, but they come with risks. Not all IPOs perform well post-listing, and some can be volatile.

Invest in IPOs only if you have a good understanding of the company and its growth potential.

Ensure that your IPO investments do not exceed 5-10% of your total portfolio. This limits risk while allowing you to participate in new opportunities.

Long-Term Planning
Staying the Course

Consistency is key. Continue your SIPs regularly, regardless of market conditions. This will help in rupee cost averaging and accumulating wealth over time.

Avoid the temptation to time the market or stop your SIPs during market downturns. The market will have ups and downs, but staying invested is crucial for long-term growth.

Increase SIPs Gradually

As your income grows, consider increasing your SIPs. Even a small increase in your monthly investment can significantly reduce the time needed to reach your Rs. 1 crore goal.

A 5-10% annual increase in your SIPs can help in reaching your target faster without putting too much strain on your finances.

Final Insights
Reaching Rs. 1 crore through disciplined SIPs is achievable with a diversified portfolio. Review your portfolio regularly and consider rebalancing to reduce high-risk exposure. Consistent investing, along with occasional prudent IPO investments, will help you achieve your financial goals. Stay patient and committed to your investment plan, and you will see your wealth grow over time.

Best Regards,

K. Ramalingam, MBA, CFP

Chief Financial Planner

www.holisticinvestment.in

..Read more

Ramalingam

Ramalingam Kalirajan  |6971 Answers  |Ask -

Mutual Funds, Financial Planning Expert - Answered on Oct 16, 2024

Asked by Anonymous - Oct 16, 2024Hindi
Listen
Money
Sir my age 40 years how much amount invest in sip after 20 years got 5 cr.
Ans: At the age of 40, you are in a great position to start planning for your financial future. Achieving Rs 5 crore in 20 years is definitely possible with disciplined investments. To achieve this goal, investing through SIPs (Systematic Investment Plans) in equity mutual funds can be your best option. Let’s dive into how much you need to invest and how to plan it right.

How Much Should You Invest?
To accumulate Rs 5 crore in 20 years, you need to invest regularly in equity mutual funds. Over long periods, these funds tend to offer higher returns, typically around 10-12% annually.

If we assume a return of 12% per year, you might need to invest around Rs 50,000 per month in SIPs to reach your goal of Rs 5 crore in 20 years.

Now, Rs 50,000 may seem high, but remember, you can start smaller and gradually increase your SIPs. Let’s look at how this can be done.

Start Small, Increase Over Time
If you cannot invest Rs 50,000 right away, don’t worry. You can start with a smaller amount, like Rs 20,000 or Rs 30,000 per month. Then, increase your SIPs every year by a certain percentage, like 10%. This approach is called SIP Top-up, and it allows you to invest more as your income grows. By doing this, you’ll eventually reach the required monthly investment over time.

Why Choose Actively Managed Mutual Funds?
You might wonder, “Why should I choose actively managed funds over index funds or direct mutual funds?”

Actively managed mutual funds are managed by professional fund managers who constantly monitor and adjust the fund’s portfolio. This allows them to perform better in volatile markets. Index funds, while cheaper, do not have this flexibility, which could limit your returns in the long run.

Investing through a Certified Financial Planner who can guide you with regular funds is also a safer option than going for direct mutual funds. The expertise of a CFP ensures your portfolio is well-diversified, managed effectively, and aligned with your financial goals.

Avoiding Direct Funds
Direct mutual funds may seem appealing due to lower costs, but they lack professional guidance. Without a CFP or professional manager, you might miss crucial market signals or fail to rebalance your portfolio at the right time. Investing in regular funds with the help of a Certified Financial Planner ensures that your investments are optimally managed.

Diversify Your Investments
While equity mutual funds should form the majority of your portfolio for growth, it’s essential to diversify your investments across different categories. This could include:

Equity Mutual Funds for long-term growth.

Debt Funds for stability and to reduce risk as you approach your target.

This diversification will protect your investments from market volatility and give you a more balanced portfolio.

Tax Implications of Mutual Funds
Understanding the tax rules is crucial to managing your investments efficiently.

Equity Mutual Funds: Long-term capital gains (LTCG) above Rs 1.25 lakh are taxed at 12.5%. Short-term capital gains (STCG) are taxed at 20%.

Debt Mutual Funds: Both LTCG and STCG are taxed as per your income tax slab.

Knowing these tax rates can help you plan your withdrawals and avoid unnecessary tax burdens.

Key Points to Stay Focused On
Discipline: Make sure to invest every month without skipping your SIPs. Over time, your money will grow, and even small amounts will compound into a larger corpus.

Don’t Panic: Markets can be volatile. However, do not panic and withdraw during market corrections. Stay invested for the full 20 years to reap the benefits of compounding.

Review Regularly: Meet with your Certified Financial Planner at least once a year to review your portfolio. This ensures you stay on track and make adjustments as needed.

Final Insights
At the age of 40, investing Rs 50,000 per month in equity mutual funds through SIPs can help you accumulate Rs 5 crore in 20 years. If this amount seems high initially, start smaller and increase your SIPs each year. Avoid index funds and direct mutual funds to ensure you get the best professional advice and fund management.

Focus on disciplined investing, avoid panic during market fluctuations, and diversify your portfolio for stability.

Best Regards,

K. Ramalingam, MBA, CFP,
Chief Financial Planner,
www.holisticinvestment.in
https://www.youtube.com/@HolisticInvestment

..Read more

Ramalingam

Ramalingam Kalirajan  |6971 Answers  |Ask -

Mutual Funds, Financial Planning Expert - Answered on Oct 16, 2024

Money
Sir My age is 29. How much amount i have to invest in SIP for 5 Cr Corpus in 20 years.
Ans: your goal of building a Rs 5 crore corpus over 20 years through SIP investments is a significant and achievable target. Let's carefully explore the best way to approach this, considering your age and the power of long-term investments.

At 29, you have a considerable time horizon. This gives you a great advantage in compounding growth over time. A well-structured plan with disciplined SIP contributions can help you reach your financial goal comfortably.

Below is a comprehensive and 360-degree approach to achieving this target while keeping everything simple and straightforward.

The Power of Compounding Over 20 Years
The first key factor in building a large corpus is to understand the power of compounding. Over time, the returns on your investments will multiply, especially when invested in mutual funds. The longer you stay invested, the greater your returns, as they are compounded annually.

Even small contributions made consistently through SIP can grow into substantial amounts.

Three critical factors that affect how much you need to invest monthly are:

The rate of return you expect from your investments.
The time horizon, which in your case is 20 years.
The corpus target, which is Rs 5 crore.
Choosing the Right Type of Mutual Fund
For long-term goals like this, equity mutual funds are typically recommended. However, choosing actively managed funds instead of index or direct funds will be essential for maximizing your returns. Let’s briefly discuss why actively managed funds are better for long-term wealth creation.

Why Actively Managed Funds?
Actively managed funds offer the benefit of professional fund management. A seasoned fund manager makes investment decisions based on market research and economic conditions, aiming to outperform the market and provide better returns than passively managed funds like index funds.

Index funds only aim to replicate the performance of a benchmark index, which may limit returns.

Direct funds may reduce costs, but many investors prefer regular plans due to the professional advice they get through mutual fund distributors (MFDs), especially those with CFP credentials.

Rate of Return Expectations
For this calculation, let’s assume an expected return from equity mutual funds of around 12%. This is a realistic expectation for equity investments over the long term. Historically, equity markets have provided such returns over two decades or longer.

Keep in mind that actual returns can fluctuate year by year due to market volatility. However, sticking to the plan despite market ups and downs will allow you to benefit from long-term growth.

Monthly SIP Contribution
To accumulate Rs 5 crore over 20 years, a disciplined SIP approach is key. Since we expect a return of 12% over this period, the monthly SIP amount you will need to invest is crucial. Based on this, the SIP contribution required to reach Rs 5 crore could be estimated. I won’t go into specific calculations here, but you can adjust your contribution if the market returns are higher or lower.

Review and Adjustments Over Time
While your SIP contributions will be consistent, it is wise to review your investment every few years. The market, your personal financial situation, and your goals may evolve. If, at any point, you feel that the returns are not aligning with your expectations, consider rebalancing your portfolio. Actively managed funds allow flexibility and adjustments based on market conditions, which direct or index funds do not provide.

You may also want to increase your SIP amount over time as your income increases or as your expenses reduce. For example, every two to three years, consider increasing the SIP amount by 10% to 15%. This will help you reach your Rs 5 crore target faster and counter inflation.

Taxation on Mutual Funds
As you grow your investments, keep in mind the taxation rules on mutual fund investments.

Equity mutual funds: When you sell units after holding them for more than a year, gains over Rs 1.25 lakh are taxed as long-term capital gains (LTCG) at 12.5%.

Short-term capital gains (STCG): If units are sold within a year, the gains are taxed at 20%.

While tax should not be the primary focus, understanding it will help you plan better when it’s time to redeem or rebalance your investments.

Build an Emergency Fund First
Before you dive fully into SIPs, it is crucial to ensure that you have an emergency fund in place. The emergency fund should cover at least six to twelve months' worth of expenses. This will help you avoid withdrawing from your mutual fund investments in case of emergencies, allowing your corpus to grow uninterrupted.

Your emergency fund should ideally be kept in liquid or debt funds for easy access. These funds are relatively low-risk and provide moderate returns.

Protecting Your Investments
While focusing on building wealth, it’s equally important to protect it. Make sure you have adequate health and life insurance.

Life insurance: A term insurance plan is the best option for providing financial security to your dependents in case of any unfortunate event.

Health insurance: Ensure you have sufficient health coverage, separate from any corporate insurance plan. Medical emergencies can deplete your savings if not adequately insured.

Benefits of Regularly Investing Through MFD with CFP Credential
Investing through a mutual fund distributor (MFD) who is also a Certified Financial Planner (CFP) offers a lot of benefits. They can provide you with expert guidance, portfolio reviews, and help you stick to your long-term goals. An MFD with CFP credentials brings a holistic approach to financial planning and will help you navigate different market cycles and keep your financial plan on track.

Regular plan investments are ideal for getting professional advice.

Direct plan investments may seem cost-effective, but they do not offer the same level of service and guidance, which is critical for long-term success.

Avoid Real Estate Investments
While real estate might seem like an attractive option to many, it is better to avoid it for long-term wealth creation. Real estate investments come with high entry and exit costs, liquidity challenges, and legal complexities. Mutual funds provide better flexibility, liquidity, and returns over the long term, especially when your goal is Rs 5 crore in 20 years.

Inflation-Proof Your Future
The goal of Rs 5 crore should not just be viewed as a number but as a future financial requirement that can beat inflation. Over the next 20 years, inflation will erode the purchasing power of money. Therefore, it is essential to ensure that your investments grow at a rate that outpaces inflation, which is typically achieved through equity mutual funds.

Equity funds have consistently outperformed inflation over the long term. By maintaining a disciplined SIP approach and avoiding early withdrawals, your corpus can remain inflation-proof.

Final Insights
To summarize the plan:

Start your SIP in actively managed mutual funds with a goal to accumulate Rs 5 crore.

Invest through regular funds, preferably via an MFD with CFP credentials, for professional guidance.

Expect a return of around 12% from equity mutual funds over 20 years.

Review your SIP amount every few years and consider increasing it as your income grows.

Build an emergency fund first, covering six to twelve months of expenses.

Ensure you have adequate life and health insurance coverage to protect your wealth.

Refrain from investing in direct funds or real estate, as they may not offer the same benefits as actively managed mutual funds.

Stay disciplined with your investments and avoid emotional decisions driven by short-term market fluctuations.

By following this structured approach, you can stay on track to achieve your Rs 5 crore target in 20 years.

Best Regards,

K. Ramalingam, MBA, CFP,

Chief Financial Planner,

www.holisticinvestment.in
https://www.youtube.com/@HolisticInvestment

..Read more

Latest Questions
Dr Dipankar

Dr Dipankar Dutta  |678 Answers  |Ask -

Tech Careers and Skill Development Expert - Answered on Nov 05, 2024

Dr Dipankar

Dr Dipankar Dutta  |678 Answers  |Ask -

Tech Careers and Skill Development Expert - Answered on Nov 05, 2024

Anu

Anu Krishna  |1269 Answers  |Ask -

Relationships Expert, Mind Coach - Answered on Nov 05, 2024

Listen
Relationship
Hi Madam, I'm 60,retired, my wife is 47, our son is 23. I had love marriage and was leading a happy married life. Just after silver jubilee of our wedding anniversary I accidentally came to know that my wife is madly in love with one of our common married friend who runs a simple shop. Upon investigation I found that they are in relation for last 12 years and were enjoying sex in my own house for such a long time. He hails from an uneducated family and is not even cultured. I could not believe that the wife of a highly educated socially respected man could do this with a shopkeeper who does not have any socio economic status. I am living a normal life with my wife for the sake of our only child. Once he settles in life I have decided to end my life. Ofcourse I still love her as ours was a love marriage. I seek your wise suggestion in this regard, should I divorce her or live a normal life that we are doing?
Ans: Dear Shristi,
It is obviously very shocking for you to know that things have been happening behind your back.
Now, how you want this to move on from here on, is a decision only you must make! Have you had a chat with your wife about the association that she has with the other person? Does she know that you know about it?
If she doesn't, then you need to make her aware and yes, do ask her whether she is interested at all in the marriage. That will give you an idea as to whether things are worth fighting for or is it best to walk away!

All the best!
Anu Krishna
Mind Coach|NLP Trainer|Author
Drop in: www.unfear.io
Reach me: Facebook: anukrish07/ AND LinkedIn: anukrishna-joyofserving/

...Read more

Anu

Anu Krishna  |1269 Answers  |Ask -

Relationships Expert, Mind Coach - Answered on Nov 05, 2024

Asked by Anonymous - Nov 03, 2024Hindi
Listen
Relationship
Hello madam I a 32 year old married man with a kid , who is 6 years old. I have done arrange marriage with my own decision I agreed to my parents for the marrige at that time I was in a casual relationship with a girl I didn't said anything to the girl and get married to someone else. After that I tried to live a happay life with my wife without thinking about the girl whom I left behind, from outside I tried to be happy with my wife but my wife thought doesn't matches with me so I felt so disturbed from inside. Still I was trying to continue the relationship for sake of our child but suddenly I got my ex love contact and I was so happy that after so long time I got a chance to talk to her, I have tried to meet her but she always refused to meet me because she was in a relationship. I tried many times and due to some misconduct I again lost her for the second time. At this moment when she is not with me her thoughts memories are troubling me so much I am in pain, what am I suppose to do to get rid of the pain?? Please help
Ans: Dear Anonymous,
There is no point wanting a 'past' relationship just because you have one...what if that relationship did not exist, you would have possibly made efforts to make your marriage work, right?
Then do just that...DO NOT treat your marriage as an option...which marriage is a perfect one? And are all spouses tailor-made to fit one another?
So, if her thoughts don't match with yours, then even yours don't match with hers...so, should she also think of jumping into some other relationship. Please act mature about this especially with a child in the entire equation; try and understand each other...speak about your differences and find ways of working on them by accepting them. Ex-love etc looks all very nice, but come down to ground reality; please...work on your marriage!

All the best!
Anu Krishna
Mind Coach|NLP Trainer|Author
Drop in: www.unfear.io
Reach me: Facebook: anukrish07/ AND LinkedIn: anukrishna-joyofserving/

...Read more

Ravi

Ravi Mittal  |395 Answers  |Ask -

Dating, Relationships Expert - Answered on Nov 05, 2024

Asked by Anonymous - Sep 15, 2024Hindi
Listen
Relationship
I am 50 years old and got married 15 years ago. I am a very spontaneous sort of a guy and enjoy life, partying etc. I was also very active socially.My wife being the complete opposite put a stop to all that once we got married. She also does not display any affection and has no interest in physical intimacy. She is just concerned with her housework.We also have lot of differences in mental attitude & intellectual abilities. At no stage will we ever seperate, however, I am unhappy with her nature. She has lot of friends, however is always at daggers drawn with in her in laws. We had to stay separately for 6 months, and I tried looking for love else where, however after a couple of months, I realised, that I missed her. I am in a quandary. Despite requesting her to work on our relationship, I get no response. Please advise on how to proceed.
Ans: Dear Anonymous,
I understand you are in a tough spot. But it's nice to see that after all those years of differences, you still have genuine feelings for her. I strongly suggest considering marriage counseling. From your description of your marriage, it seems to be there have been issues from the very beginning of it. It's been too long and now those issues must've become deep-rooted. Seeing a professional can be a game-changer. They can guide you out of this slump more methodically and help you navigate the emotions you are feeling right now. It can also help you understand the reasons for your wife's disinterest and handle it better.

Best Wishes

...Read more

Ravi

Ravi Mittal  |395 Answers  |Ask -

Dating, Relationships Expert - Answered on Nov 05, 2024

Asked by Anonymous - Nov 02, 2024Hindi
Listen
Relationship
Hii, I have an love marriage after 9 years of dating and 6 years, 2 children post marriage, my little one is 11 months old now. My husband has an affair upto chatting to someone in his company, his junior but in different department, when my Lil one was 1 month old, we had in a rough patch then due to child birth and family drama. When I saw it and confronted him, he said he is sorry and won't do it again, we had multiple fights for 3-4 months after then due to same reason, but he mostly listen and consol. It's been a lot of mental torture for me. I love my husband a lot and he is a good person, but sometimes sill I see her msg in his phone asking for small helps or casual msg. She is also married. I am not sure my husband deletes msg or what, I am not able to get over this. Before it, this is was preety much a good relationship. I am highly educated and independent women. I don't want anything form my husband apart from love. What should I do, whenever I tell him I want to just leave and let him have his life, he won't let me somehow. We are having a good physical relationship 2-4 times a week( just to tell where we are). Please help me...I can't overcome that he is making fool of me...
Ans: Dear Anonymous,
I am sorry to hear you are in such a tough spot. I would suggest considering marriage counseling. A professional who can help you both tackle these issues would be helpful in this situation. I understand that it was his mistake and he needs to put the effort to make you trust him again, but since you are still together, you will also have to put in the effort to let it. I know it is difficult and that's where marriage counselor comes in. They can help you navigate these feelings. Moreover, if he is indeed hiding something, therapy can help that come out in the open.

Hope this helps.

...Read more

Ravi

Ravi Mittal  |395 Answers  |Ask -

Dating, Relationships Expert - Answered on Nov 05, 2024

Asked by Anonymous - Sep 10, 2024Hindi
Listen
Relationship
Hi, Me(M38) and wife(F37) happily married for 12 years and blessed with one daughter. Partner(F28)continuing friendship with a person[M] who had crush on her before marriage considered emotional infidelity? Me(M38) and wife(F37) happily married for 12 years and blessed with one daughter. My wife is having friendship (strictly platonic) with a guy from her 10tlh grade (same class). Before our marriage (she may be doing her college, our relationship just started may be 2 weeks) this guy told her he has genuine interest in her and he want to take the relationship further if she wants, she said she is not interested in a relationship and she got committed, she always saw him as a friend, no other feelings for him and we can be friends if you don't bring any romantic interest again. He never took this talk again ever after and happy to be a friend. They are talking as friends. She got married to me. He also got married. They still do chats once in a month. She introduced me to him and visited his home when we visited his city. He also came to our home once (me and my family was there). She used to update me with chat she had with him and the content they are chatting. I am ok with that When we were talking about our school life and college life 2 years before. She said this guy had crush on her during her college days. I asked her, why did not she tell me this info till now. She said it is not purposely, she does not feel the need to do as the person is not in-appropriate with her and continuing as good friend as promised after she rejected his proposal. I don’t want to create any unnecessary issues as I don’t have any felling or so with him. That time I checked their chats completely, it’s about update about their common friends, their recent travel, their job, meditation courses and the books they read recently. I haven’t seen any flirting or romantic message from either of them. So I am perfectly fine with it and had no problems. I recently came to know about the concept of emotional cheating which is very new to me. Before that cheating to me is only flirting, sexeting and physical sex. I have asked for advice in redddit.com in infedility sub forum about emotional cheating/ emotion affair. There persons are advising like even having friendship with someone who had crush on you is emotional cheating as it is indirectly leading them on you. So with an omission of lie he had crush on her and indirectly leading him on you wife was emotionally cheating on you. This is very much equal to cheating. I do have lots of friends in other gender, but no one had crush on me. Does this count as emotional cheating/affair as she did not mention he had crush on her before marriage? I am little depressed and not able to spend quality time with my wife who is in postpartum depression and take care of our daughter properly as before. Do you guys advise me how to navigate this situation?
Ans: Dear Anonymous,
Are you really going to ruin your happy relationship based on some new term you have learned recently? Emotional cheating and many more terms of the kind will come and go, what truly matters is the truth. She is merely friends with this guy and for your peace of mind, you have even checked their conversations- what part of it looks like cheating to you? If tomorrow, some random person projecting their own insecurities claims that a man speaking to a woman is some "new form" of cheating, would you start believing that? My point is that these are just random opinions of some people- it isn't the ultimate truth. The entire context matters. This man had a crush on your wife, she rejected it, and now they are just friends. I find absolutely no misconduct or infidelity in this. The fact that none of your friends had a crush on you does not factor in at all. Moreover, your wife is in postpartum depression- that should be your biggest concern but here you are, giving more importance to the random 2 AM thoughts of some people you don't even know. Please rethink if you are being fair to your wife- the mother of your child.

Best Wishes

...Read more

DISCLAIMER: The content of this post by the expert is the personal view of the rediffGURU. Investment in securities market are subject to market risks. Read all the related document carefully before investing. The securities quoted are for illustration only and are not recommendatory. Users are advised to pursue the information provided by the rediffGURU only as a source of information and as a point of reference and to rely on their own judgement when making a decision. RediffGURUS is an intermediary as per India's Information Technology Act.

Close  

You haven't logged in yet. To ask a question, Please Log in below
Login

A verification OTP will be sent to this
Mobile Number / Email

Enter OTP
A 6 digit code has been sent to

Resend OTP in120seconds

Dear User, You have not registered yet. Please register by filling the fields below to get expert answers from our Gurus
Sign up

By signing up, you agree to our
Terms & Conditions and Privacy Policy

Already have an account?

Enter OTP
A 6 digit code has been sent to Mobile

Resend OTP in120seconds

x