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How Can I Invest in Gold for My 6-Year-Old Daughter?

Ramalingam

Ramalingam Kalirajan  |11027 Answers  |Ask -

Mutual Funds, Financial Planning Expert - Answered on Jan 20, 2025

Ramalingam Kalirajan has over 23 years of experience in mutual funds and financial planning.
He has an MBA in finance from the University of Madras and is a certified financial planner.
He is the director and chief financial planner at Holistic Investment, a Chennai-based firm that offers financial planning and wealth management advice.... more
Asked by Anonymous - Jan 11, 2025Hindi
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I want to buy one gram gold every month for my girl child. Currently she is 6 yrs old. Next 15 years I would like to do sip of one gram gold per month. Which is the best way to do it?

Ans: Buying gold monthly for your girl child is a thoughtful plan. It secures her future financially.

Your goal of accumulating gold consistently for 15 years is achievable. A systematic approach is essential.

Key Considerations for Gold Investment
1. Understand Gold’s Role in Your Portfolio

Gold acts as a hedge against inflation.

It adds stability to your portfolio during economic uncertainties.

Gold should not exceed 10–15% of your overall investment portfolio.

2. Focus on Long-Term Value Appreciation

Gold prices fluctuate in the short term but appreciate over time.

A disciplined approach ensures you buy gold at different price points.

3. Prioritise Safety and Purity

Ensure the gold you buy is genuine and certified.

Avoid sources that compromise on quality or transparency.

Best Ways to Invest in Gold
1. Physical Gold

Buying one gram of physical gold monthly is a direct option.

Opt for BIS Hallmarked gold to ensure quality and purity.

Keep your gold secure, as physical gold carries theft risk.

Storing gold in lockers incurs extra charges.

2. Digital Gold

Digital gold allows you to buy gold online in small quantities.

It eliminates the need for physical storage and reduces risk.

Sellers store your gold in insured lockers.

However, some providers charge maintenance or storage fees.

3. Gold Savings Schemes by Jewellers

Many jewellers offer monthly savings schemes.

After the tenure, you can use the accumulated amount to buy gold.

Check for hidden charges and ensure the scheme is reliable.

4. Gold Mutual Funds or Gold ETFs

Gold mutual funds invest in gold bullion or related securities.

They offer flexibility, liquidity, and professional management.

Gold ETFs trade on stock exchanges and have transparent pricing.

Regular funds through a Certified Financial Planner provide better insights and ongoing support.

Avoid direct funds, as they lack expert guidance.

Factors to Evaluate Before Choosing an Option
1. Cost Efficiency

Compare costs like making charges, locker fees, or fund management fees.

Opt for an option that minimises recurring expenses.

2. Liquidity and Accessibility

Digital gold, gold ETFs, and mutual funds are easy to buy and sell.

Physical gold may require additional effort for transactions.

3. Tax Implications

Gold investments attract tax on profits when sold.

Physical gold and digital gold have similar tax rules.

Gold mutual funds or ETFs fall under mutual fund taxation norms.

Building a Comprehensive Plan
1. Start Early and Stay Consistent

Begin your SIP of one gram gold monthly without delay.

Consistency ensures you achieve your target in 15 years.

2. Combine Gold with Other Investments

Diversify your portfolio for better financial security.

Mutual funds, bonds, and FDs can complement gold investments.

3. Monitor and Reassess Periodically

Review your gold investments annually to check progress.

Adjust strategies if market or personal circumstances change.

Ensuring a Secure Future
1. Focus on Financial Education

Teach your child about saving and investing.

This knowledge will help her manage wealth in the future.

2. Build an Emergency Fund

Maintain a separate fund for unforeseen expenses.

This ensures you don’t sell gold prematurely.

3. Insure Your Life and Health

Adequate insurance secures your child’s future even in emergencies.
Final Insights
Investing in gold monthly for your child’s future is a wise choice. With proper planning and execution, you can build a substantial gold reserve. A Certified Financial Planner can guide you in selecting the best option and ensuring it aligns with your overall financial goals.

Best Regards,

K. Ramalingam, MBA, CFP,

Chief Financial Planner,

www.holisticinvestment.in
https://www.youtube.com/@HolisticInvestment
DISCLAIMER: The content of this post by the expert is the personal view of the rediffGURU. Users are advised to pursue the information provided by the rediffGURU only as a source of information to be as a point of reference and to rely on their own judgement when making a decision.
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Ramalingam

Ramalingam Kalirajan  |11027 Answers  |Ask -

Mutual Funds, Financial Planning Expert - Answered on May 04, 2024

Asked by Anonymous - May 04, 2024Hindi
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Money
Hi Sir, Please advise, I want to invest 2 lakhs in gold (and not physical gold). How do I go about it? (Process, any tax?, and do you suggest a better amount) This is for my child's future and not planning to liquidate atleast for 10 years. FYI, I already have some FD, 20k invested in various MF's, LIC and SSY. I might have to bear home loan now or sooner in time. I am 35 year old working in private firm.
Ans: As a Certified Financial Planner, I recommend investing in gold through gold exchange-traded funds (ETFs) or gold mutual funds.

To begin, you'll need a demat account to invest in gold ETFs, while for gold mutual funds, a regular mutual fund account suffices. Both options provide easy access to gold without the hassle of physical ownership.

Tax implications on gains from gold investments depend on the holding period. Long-term gains (held for over three years) are subject to capital gains tax, while short-term gains are taxed as per your income tax slab.

Considering your child's future and a 10-year investment horizon, allocating 2 lakhs to gold is prudent. This diversifies your portfolio, reducing risk while potentially enhancing returns over the long term.

Given your existing investments and the possibility of a home loan, it's crucial to strike a balance between various investment avenues. Assess your risk tolerance, liquidity needs, and financial goals before making any investment decisions.

By investing in gold through ETFs or mutual funds, you gain exposure to the precious metal's potential upside without the concerns of storage or security associated with physical gold. Regularly review your portfolio and consult with a Certified Financial Planner to ensure it remains aligned with your evolving financial objectives.

..Read more

Ramalingam

Ramalingam Kalirajan  |11027 Answers  |Ask -

Mutual Funds, Financial Planning Expert - Answered on May 18, 2024

Asked by Anonymous - May 11, 2024Hindi
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Money
Iam 27 yrs old My savings every month is 20000 how to 200 grams gold in coming 20 years for my daughters wedding ?
Ans: Planning for Your Daughter's Wedding: Achieving 200 Grams of Gold in 20 Years

Understanding Your Financial Goal:

Congratulations on planning ahead for your daughter's wedding! It's commendable to prioritize her future financial needs.

Assessing the Goal:

To accumulate 200 grams of gold in 20 years, we need to strategize a disciplined savings plan aligned with your monthly budget.

Analyzing Your Savings Capacity:

With a monthly savings of Rs 20,000, we can explore investment avenues to maximize returns while managing risk.

Setting Realistic Expectations:

It's essential to set realistic expectations regarding the rate of gold accumulation, considering market fluctuations and investment returns.

Investment Options:

We'll explore investment options that offer growth potential over the long term, ensuring the achievement of your target.

Benefits of Regular Investments:

Regular investments through a SIP or other systematic savings plans can harness the power of compounding, amplifying your wealth over time.

Disadvantages of Direct Gold Purchase:

While purchasing physical gold provides a tangible asset, it lacks the potential for capital appreciation and income generation.

Analyzing Gold ETFs:

Gold Exchange Traded Funds (ETFs) offer exposure to gold prices without the hassle of physical storage. However, they carry expenses and market risks.

Benefits of Equity Investments:

Investing in equity mutual funds presents an opportunity for higher returns over the long term, outpacing inflation and enhancing wealth accumulation.

Disadvantages of Index Funds:

Index funds may limit potential returns as they track specific market indices, missing out on opportunities for alpha generation through active management.

Maximizing Returns Through Diversification:

Diversifying your investment portfolio across asset classes like equities, debt, and gold can optimize returns while minimizing risk.

Consultation with a Certified Financial Planner:

Seeking advice from a Certified Financial Planner (CFP) ensures personalized guidance tailored to your financial goals and risk tolerance.

Conclusion:

In conclusion, achieving the goal of accumulating 200 grams of gold in 20 years requires a disciplined savings approach and strategic investment planning. By leveraging regular investments in equity mutual funds and possibly gold ETFs, we can work towards fulfilling your daughter's wedding dreams.

Best Regards,

K. Ramalingam, MBA, CFP,

Chief Financial Planner,

www.holisticinvestment.in

..Read more

Ramalingam

Ramalingam Kalirajan  |11027 Answers  |Ask -

Mutual Funds, Financial Planning Expert - Answered on Jun 21, 2025

Asked by Anonymous - Jun 07, 2025Hindi
Money
Dear Sir, Every month can I buy 5 grams gold as an investment? Is it a good idea? I can save around 50 thousand monthly. Please suggest me. I have a NPS, PPF and NSC going on already with 50 Lakhs. No loans etc. I am 42 years age and unfortunately I don't know where to invest. I am not confident on stock investment and mutual fund investments. Please advise me
Ans: You are doing very well. Age 42 with no loans and Rs.?50 lakhs in low-risk instruments like NPS, PPF, and NSC shows good discipline. You are saving Rs.?50,000 monthly. That is excellent. Let us now look at whether buying 5 grams of gold every month is a good idea, and how to make your money work better for you.

Your Present Financial Situation

Age: 42 years

Monthly saving capacity: Rs.?50,000

Existing corpus: Rs.?50 lakhs

Ongoing: NPS, PPF, NSC

No loans or liabilities

Low confidence in stocks or mutual funds

You are already doing better than most. You are saving regularly. You are debt-free. You are aware that investment matters. That itself is a strength.

Now let us understand how to improve on this base.

Is Buying 5 Grams of Gold Monthly a Good Idea?

Gold is not a bad asset. But not a complete asset.

Buying gold every month adds only to capital safety.

It gives no interest or cashflow.

It may beat inflation sometimes. But not always.

It does not offer consistent growth like equity.

Buying physical gold also adds storage and security risk.

If you sell it later, purity and resale discount is a problem.

Jewellery gold attracts wastage, making charges and GST.

Those reduce returns even further.

So, buying 5 grams every month is not harmful. But it is not enough.

If you invest Rs.?50,000 monthly only in gold, your wealth will grow slowly. It won’t beat inflation fully in long run. For wealth creation and retirement, gold should only be a small part.

Ideal Role of Gold in a Portfolio

Gold can be 5% to 10% of your investments

It works as a hedge in times of crisis

It adds stability to portfolio

But it should not be your main growth engine

You need other assets for long-term growth

Gold should not replace growth assets. It should only support them.

Your Confidence Issue with Stock or Mutual Fund

This is understandable. Many investors feel fear. Stock market looks risky. Mutual funds seem complicated. But the right approach can reduce the risk and increase confidence.

Let’s explore this further.

Direct stocks require time and study

You need to understand companies and market cycles

That is why it feels risky

Instead of direct stocks, you can choose mutual funds. They are managed by professionals. But you should not choose direct mutual funds by yourself.

Direct funds give no guidance. No alerts. No review support. If you invest in wrong fund or make emotional decisions, you lose money.

Regular plans through Certified Financial Planner (CFP) and MFD give peace of mind. They give regular reviews. They select funds based on your goal. They also help you avoid mistakes during market fall.

Why Not Index Funds

You may hear people say index funds are safe. They are cheap. But they only copy the market. They do not try to beat it. They also do not change strategy when market changes.

In market corrections, they also fall fully. No cushion is there. Actively managed funds can reduce fall by moving to safer assets.

With index funds, you also don’t get help or review. They are only tools, not solutions. You need a plan, not a tool alone.

Regular plans through CFP offer both plan and tool.

360-Degree Investment Strategy for You

Now let’s create a simple plan using your Rs.?50,000 monthly surplus.

1. Emergency Fund First

If not already built, first keep Rs.?3 to Rs.?5 lakhs aside

Use FD or liquid mutual fund for this

It gives peace during medical or income emergency

This is your first insurance

2. Allocate Gold Wisely

Buy gold for up to Rs.?3,000 to Rs.?5,000 monthly only

Use sovereign gold bonds or gold mutual funds, not physical

They avoid purity and storage issues

They also give additional interest in some options

Do not invest all Rs.?50,000 in gold. It’s not meant for that.

3. Monthly SIPs for Long-Term Wealth

Use Rs.?35,000 to Rs.?40,000 for mutual funds SIP. Through CFP and MFD only.

Split as below:

Rs.?15,000 for retirement goal

Rs.?10,000 for general wealth

Rs.?10,000 for future child education or marriage

Rs.?5,000 for health and medical fund

This keeps your plan balanced. You are not putting all money in one basket.

4. Use Regular Plans for SIPs

Don’t invest in direct funds on apps or websites. They give no advice.

Use regular funds with CFP guidance. You get help during market rise and fall. You get customised selection. You avoid panic selling.

This helps avoid major wealth loss during uncertain times.

5. Continue with NPS, PPF, and NSC

These are good support systems.

PPF gives safe long-term tax-free return

NSC is also safe, but interest is taxable

NPS gives retirement support and tax benefit

But these alone are not enough for big goals. They give slow growth.

You need mutual funds to bridge the growth gap.

Asset Allocation Based on Risk and Age

You are 42. You still have 13 to 15 years before retirement.

That’s enough time to build a strong wealth base. Your portfolio can be 60:40.

60% in equity mutual funds

40% in debt (PPF, NSC, NPS, FD, gold)

This mix gives growth and stability. CFP will review this yearly.

Insurance and Safety Planning

Do you have term insurance? If not, take one immediately.

Cover should be 10 times your annual income

Choose a pure term plan, not investment-linked

Also have:

Health insurance of Rs.?5–10 lakhs

Critical illness cover (if family history)

Personal accident cover (optional)

If you hold LIC or ULIP, you can check surrender value. If the product gives low return, shift it to mutual funds. But do this with CFP help only.

Tax Efficiency and Planning

Your current investments are tax-efficient. PPF and NPS give tax benefits.

Mutual funds also give tax-efficient growth:

Equity fund LTCG above Rs.?1.25 lakhs taxed at 12.5%

STCG taxed at 20%

Debt funds taxed as per income slab

Withdrawals can be planned with CFP to reduce tax hit.

Avoiding Common Mistakes

Don’t invest only in one asset like gold

Don’t keep all money in fixed return products

Don’t invest in market directly if you lack time

Don’t try to time the market

Don’t panic during correction

Don’t delay investment decisions due to fear

Start small if you lack confidence. But start. Later you can increase.

Estate Planning

Write a simple Will covering your assets

Nominate family in all accounts

Keep family informed about accounts and documents

This gives peace to you and them

Tracking Your Progress

Review your investments once a year. CFP will help with this.

Check:

Are you saving enough?

Are your investments growing?

Are your goals on track?

Any tax changes to address?

With regular review, you can stay calm and focused.

Finally

Gold is good. But not for all your investment. Use it for stability, not growth.
You need diversified, goal-based investments.
Your confidence in stocks can grow slowly. Use mutual funds with professional guidance.
NPS, PPF, and NSC are a solid base. Add equity mutual funds through regular plans.
Build your emergency fund. Take proper insurance.
Invest monthly, stay disciplined, and review yearly.
This way you create a strong financial future without stress or confusion.

Best Regards,
K. Ramalingam, MBA, CFP,
Chief Financial Planner,
www.holisticinvestment.in
https://www.youtube.com/@HolisticInvestment

..Read more

Latest Questions
Reetika

Reetika Sharma  |541 Answers  |Ask -

Financial Planner, MF and Insurance Expert - Answered on Feb 12, 2026

Money
Sir, How can we reduce the Commision on Regular MF ?What is Steps to avoid the Tax if wants to Switch from Regular to Direct?.
Ans: Hi Amit,

Your concern regarding commision in regular funds is quite genuine and common these days due to the misleading content shared by some people.
You should understand that a whilst regular funds have comparatively lower expense ratio than direct funds, and this has risen to the direct fund popularity. But in actual a direct fund portfolio is only good if you know all ins and out of the market, have proper knowledge and knows the correct way to invest perse your individual profile.

There are few benefits of regular fund portfolio which is highly overlooked:
- a professional builds your portfolio keeping in mind your detailed profile, funds selction are done based on your risk profile
- a professional knows the best time to invrease your investments, to hold and to shift. They constantly monitor the same and periodically review them

And a regular fund portfolio definitely beats the direct fund portfolio made with random tips and zero or less knowledge.
Hence I would not suggest you to switch from regular to direct funds if you are working with a professional.

Also switching from regular funds to direct will attract tax, there is no way to avoid the taxation.

However, you can get your portfolio reviewed from another advisor and ask them to guide you to make necessary changes.

If you do not have an advisor, connect with a professional Certified Financial Planner - a CFP who can guide you with exact funds to invest in keeping in mind your age, requirements, financial goals and risk profile. A CFP periodically reviews your portfolio and suggest any amendments to be made, if required.

Let me know if you need more help.

Best Regards,
Reetika Sharma, Certified Financial Planner
https://www.instagram.com/cfpreetika/

...Read more

Naveenn

Naveenn Kummar  |249 Answers  |Ask -

Financial Planner, MF, Insurance Expert - Answered on Feb 11, 2026

Asked by Anonymous - Dec 11, 2025Hindi
Money
Hi there, I am 53 years and retiring on 31/12/2025. I hvae a daughter and son, both studing and un-married. I am curently holding mutual fund (investment only) of around 15lacs. I am doing a SIP of 12000/- PM. Beside this, i have an equity investment of 15.50 lacs. I do have 65lacs in FD and the same amunt is expected upon retirement. I have a own house and there is no loan obligations currently. i have another 50lacs given to relatives and there is no timeline when I will be receiving this amount. I have around 100000 monthly expense and ofcourse the marriage expenses of my daughter and son in next 3-4 years. Kindly advise the best strategy and utilization of funds. Thank you.
Ans: Hi sir ,
You are entering a very sensitive financial phase where protection of capital becomes more important than aggressive growth. At the same time, you still have 30 plus years of life expectancy to fund, along with two large near-term goals children’s marriages and ongoing household expenses. So the strategy has to balance income, liquidity, and moderate growth.

Let me break this down in a practical way.

1. Where you stand today

Assets available / expected

Mutual Funds approx 15 lakh

Direct Equity approx 15.5 lakh

FD 65 lakh

Retirement proceeds expected approx 65 lakh

Money given to relatives 50 lakh uncertain timeline

Own house no loan

Total financial assets (excluding relatives money)
~160 lakh

If relatives repay, corpus rises to ~210 lakh but we should not depend on it for planning.

2. Monthly expense reality check

You mentioned ?1,00,000 per month = ?12 lakh per year.

Assuming 6 percent inflation, this expense will double in ~12 years.

So retirement planning must create income + growth, not just fixed income.

3. Immediate financial buckets to create

Think in 4 separate buckets instead of one pool.

A. Emergency + Liquidity bucket

Keep 18–24 months expenses.

?20–25 lakh
Park in:

Savings + sweep FD

Liquid / money market funds

Purpose: medical, family, urgent needs without breaking investments.

B. Marriage funding bucket (3–4 years)

Do not keep this in equity markets due to time risk.

Estimate requirement realistically. Suppose:

Daughter marriage 25–30 lakh

Son marriage 20–25 lakh

Total say 50 lakh

Park in:

Short duration debt funds

Bank FD ladder

RBI bonds

Capital safety is priority here.

C. Income generation bucket

This is the most critical post-retirement engine.

From your corpus, allocate ~70–80 lakh.

Options mix:

Senior Citizen Saving Scheme (SCSS)

Post Office MIS

RBI Floating Rate Bonds

High quality Corporate FD

Debt mutual funds with SWP

Target blended return: 7–8 percent.

This can generate ?45k–?55k monthly income.

D. Growth bucket (Long term)

You still need equity to beat inflation.

Allocate 25–30 lakh minimum.

Continue SIP (even post retirement if possible).

Suitable allocation:

Large Cap funds

Balanced Advantage / Dynamic Asset Allocation

Multi Asset funds

Time horizon: 10–20 years.

This bucket funds late retirement and healthcare inflation.

4. What to do with existing investments
Mutual Funds (15 lakh)

Keep invested. Review fund quality. Shift to:

Balanced Advantage

Large Cap / Flexi Cap

Avoid small cap concentration now.

Direct Equity (15.5 lakh)

Gradually reduce risk.

Move profits into hybrid funds or debt over 12–18 months. Do not exit in one shot to avoid tax and timing risk.

5. Retirement corpus deployment illustration

Here is a simple structure using your ~160 lakh corpus:

Bucket Amount Purpose
Emergency 25 L Liquidity
Marriage 50 L 3–4 yr goals
Income 60 L Monthly cashflow
Growth 25 L Inflation hedge

If relatives repay 50 lakh later:

Add 20 lakh to growth

Add 15 lakh to medical reserve

Add 15 lakh to income bucket

6. Monthly income gap

Expense: ?1,00,000

Income possible:

SCSS + MIS + Bonds: ~?50,000

SWP from debt / hybrid: ~?20,000

Equity dividends / growth withdrawal later: ~?10,000–?15,000

Gap may still exist initially.

So you may need:

Part time income / consulting (even ?25k helps)

Delay large withdrawals till age 60 when senior schemes expand

7. Important risks to manage
Healthcare

Take a family floater + super top up if not already.

Longevity risk

Plan till age 90, not 75.

Relatives money

Treat as “bonus”, not retirement funding.

Document repayment if possible.

Inflation

Do not over-allocate to FD.

That is the biggest mistake retirees make.

8. Action checklist

Finalize marriage budget realistically

Create 2-year emergency fund

Invest in SCSS immediately after retirement

Restructure equity to hybrid orientation

Continue SIP from surplus if feasible

Arrange health insurance buffer

Write a will and nominations

...Read more

Kanchan

Kanchan Rai  |656 Answers  |Ask -

Relationships Expert, Mind Coach - Answered on Feb 11, 2026

Asked by Anonymous - Feb 09, 2026Hindi
Relationship
My office friends Riya and Aman have been in a relationship for two years, but lately misunderstandings have increased because Aman feels ignored when plans are cancelled, while Riya feels stressed and unheard due to her work pressure. Instead of openly discussing their feelings, both remain silent, which creates emotional distance between them. In this situation, how can honest and respectful communication help them resolve their disagreement, and how can listening, patience, and understanding strengthen their relationship rather than weaken it?
Ans: Honest and respectful communication would help them because it brings hidden emotions into the open in a safe way. Right now, Aman feels unimportant when plans are cancelled, but he isn’t saying, “I miss you and I feel lonely when we don’t spend time together.” Instead, he stays quiet and likely feels rejected inside. Riya feels overwhelmed and unsupported, but she isn’t saying, “I’m under so much pressure and I need understanding, not disappointment.” So both are suffering silently and guessing each other’s intentions.
If they start speaking from their feelings rather than from blame, the tone of the relationship will change. For example, Aman can say, “When our plans change often, I feel disconnected from you,” instead of “You never make time for me.” Riya can say, “Work is draining me and sometimes I don’t have energy, but I still care about you,” instead of “You don’t understand my stress.” This kind of language opens hearts instead of creating defensiveness.
Listening is equally important. Many couples listen only to reply, not to understand. If Aman truly listens to Riya’s stress without interrupting or minimizing it, she will feel emotionally safe. If Riya listens to Aman’s need for time and reassurance without dismissing it, he will feel valued. Feeling heard is often more healing than any solution.
Patience matters because emotional habits don’t change overnight. They both need time to adjust to each other’s needs and rhythms. If one conversation doesn’t fix everything, that doesn’t mean it failed. It means they are learning how to connect better. Relationships grow stronger when partners stay patient during uncomfortable phases instead of withdrawing.
Understanding helps them see that neither is the enemy. Aman is not “needy,” he is seeking connection. Riya is not “careless,” she is overwhelmed. When they understand each other’s inner world, they stop taking things personally and start working as a team.
If they begin communicating honestly, listening with empathy, and responding with patience, their relationship will not weaken — it will deepen. Conflict handled with respect creates trust. Silence creates distance. Talking with care creates intimacy.

...Read more

Kanchan

Kanchan Rai  |656 Answers  |Ask -

Relationships Expert, Mind Coach - Answered on Feb 11, 2026

Asked by Anonymous - Feb 07, 2026Hindi
Relationship
Hello Dr., Hope this mail finds you well ! I am married for the past 15 years with 2 daughters (13 & 8 yrs old) but my wife is very suspicious. From the day of our marriage till today she keeps accusing me of affairs while I never had any affairs. She keeps monitoring my mobile, whatsApp messages and laptop. In WhatsApp she has strange method, if I am online and if any other woman is online she thinks she is following me or I am messaging her. When I am on official travel she keeps calling me to check my location. I have to video call her and keep my phone ON in night when I go to bed. She suspects someone is in my room. She accuses me of having affair with any lady with whom I talk even to the extent of my sister in law. When I am working from Home she keeps the mobile phone with video ON to check what I am doing. When I go to my office I have to share my Location. She has got no evidences but still she is not able to understand me. Except for rare business travel I never go out except with my family. I do not have many friends and few which I have my wife has also accused me of having affairs with their wives. I ignore her behaviour but she also uses foul language and this is affecting me & my daughters. I consulterd few psycologists but it has not helped. I love my wife and like to help her but do not know how to handle this situation. Please advise.
Ans: I can hear that you love your wife and want to help her, and that is admirable. But love does not mean tolerating ongoing psychological control. More importantly, your daughters are growing up watching this dynamic. Children who witness constant suspicion and monitoring can internalize fear, mistrust, and unhealthy relationship models.
Your wife’s behavior sounds less like simple jealousy and more like severe insecurity or possibly paranoid thinking. When someone creates connections between random events — for example, “another woman is online at the same time so she must be messaging you” — that is not rational suspicion. It suggests deep anxiety or distorted thought patterns. This is not something you can fix through reassurance alone.
In fact, the more you comply with surveillance — video calls at night, sharing location, proving yourself repeatedly — the more you unintentionally reinforce her belief that suspicion is justified. You are feeding the cycle. Reassurance helps temporarily, but the suspicion returns stronger because the root issue is inside her, not in your behavior.
You need to shift from defending yourself to setting calm boundaries.
This does not mean shouting or threatening separation. It means saying something like: “I understand you feel anxious and I want to support you, but constant monitoring and accusations are hurting me and affecting our daughters. I will not continue video surveillance or location tracking. If you feel unsafe or anxious, we need professional help together.”
The key word is “together.” She may resist therapy because suspicious individuals often believe the problem is external, not internal. But couples therapy with someone experienced in paranoid jealousy or pathological suspicion is crucial. Regular psychologists sometimes miss the depth of such patterns. You may need a clinical psychologist or psychiatrist evaluation, especially if this behavior has lasted 15 years without change.
You also need to protect your own mental health. Living under constant accusation can cause anxiety, depression, and emotional numbness. It slowly erodes self-esteem. Consider individual therapy for yourself, not to fix her, but to strengthen your emotional boundaries and resilience.
Most importantly, do not isolate yourself further. Suspicious partners often push their spouses into social isolation. Maintain healthy friendships and professional relationships within reasonable boundaries.
Ask yourself gently: has her suspicion worsened over time? Has it extended into other areas of life? If so, this may be more than jealousy — it could be a mental health condition that requires medical support.
You cannot cure her insecurity through perfection. Even if you lock yourself in a room with no phone, the suspicion will find another story.
Your role is not to prove innocence endlessly. Your role is to protect your dignity, your daughters’ emotional safety, and encourage proper treatment.
I want to ask you something important: if nothing changes and this continues for another 10 years, what impact do you think it will have on your daughters’ understanding of marriage? That answer will guide your next step.

...Read more

DISCLAIMER: The content of this post by the expert is the personal view of the rediffGURU. Investment in securities market are subject to market risks. Read all the related document carefully before investing. The securities quoted are for illustration only and are not recommendatory. Users are advised to pursue the information provided by the rediffGURU only as a source of information and as a point of reference and to rely on their own judgement when making a decision. RediffGURUS is an intermediary as per India's Information Technology Act.

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