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48-year-old seeking safe & growing financial plan with Rs. 1.29 Cr. in bank

Ramalingam

Ramalingam Kalirajan  |8093 Answers  |Ask -

Mutual Funds, Financial Planning Expert - Answered on Aug 16, 2024

Ramalingam Kalirajan has over 23 years of experience in mutual funds and financial planning.
He has an MBA in finance from the University of Madras and is a certified financial planner.
He is the director and chief financial planner at Holistic Investment, a Chennai-based firm that offers financial planning and wealth management advice.... more
Asked by Anonymous - Aug 16, 2024Hindi
Money

age 48, Pvt Job with Rs. 1.85 Lac take home. 8 Lac in MF, 35 Lac in FD. Almost 1.29 Cr. in Bank. 22 Lac in PF. Need safe financial planning along with growth in Finance.

Ans: You're currently earning Rs 1.85 lakh per month, with a stable income. Your assets include Rs 8 lakh in mutual funds, Rs 35 lakh in fixed deposits, Rs 1.29 crore in bank savings, and Rs 22 lakh in provident fund. This is a commendable position, and you've done well in saving and growing your wealth. However, balancing safety and growth requires careful planning. Let’s explore your options in detail.

Building a Safe and Growth-Oriented Financial Plan
Diversification for Stability and Growth
Your financial portfolio is heavily weighted toward safe instruments like fixed deposits and savings accounts. While these provide security, they might not yield high returns. Diversification is key to balancing safety with growth. You should consider redistributing some of your funds into instruments that offer better returns without compromising too much on security.

Mutual Funds: With Rs 8 lakh already invested in mutual funds, consider increasing your exposure. Actively managed funds can offer higher returns compared to index funds, which often mirror the market and may not outperform it significantly. Actively managed funds are tailored to beat the market, and with a Certified Financial Planner's guidance, you can select funds that align with your risk profile and financial goals. A professional can also help you understand market trends and make informed decisions.

Fixed Deposits: Rs 35 lakh in FDs is a solid choice for safety. However, the returns might be lower than inflation, which could erode your purchasing power over time. Consider moving a portion of this to hybrid funds, which blend equity and debt to offer balanced returns with relatively lower risk compared to pure equity funds.

Savings Account: Your Rs 1.29 crore in savings is an excellent cushion, but the returns are minimal. It's advisable to keep a significant amount in liquid funds instead. These offer better returns than a savings account while maintaining liquidity for emergencies.

Leveraging Provident Fund for Long-Term Security
Your Rs 22 lakh in Provident Fund (PF) is a strong long-term investment. The PF provides assured returns and tax benefits, making it an essential part of your retirement planning. Continue contributing to your PF, and avoid withdrawing from it unless absolutely necessary. The compound interest will significantly enhance your retirement corpus.

Safe Investments with Growth Potential
Safety is your priority, but it's crucial to invest in avenues that can outpace inflation. Let’s look at options that balance safety with growth.

Debt Mutual Funds: These are a safer option than equity funds and can provide better returns than fixed deposits. Debt funds invest in government securities, corporate bonds, and other fixed-income instruments. They are ideal for conservative investors who seek stability along with slightly higher returns than traditional savings instruments.

Balanced or Hybrid Funds: These funds invest in both equity and debt, offering a balanced approach. They are less volatile than pure equity funds but offer better growth potential than debt funds. Hybrid funds can be an excellent addition to your portfolio, providing a mix of safety and growth.

Insurance and Risk Management
Adequate insurance is a cornerstone of a safe financial plan. It’s essential to review your current insurance policies to ensure they meet your needs.

Life Insurance: If you have any investment-cum-insurance policies like ULIPs or endowment plans, consider surrendering them. These often come with high costs and lower returns compared to mutual funds. Instead, invest in pure term insurance, which provides higher coverage at a lower cost. The saved premium can be redirected into mutual funds for better returns.

Health Insurance: Ensure you have comprehensive health coverage that covers hospitalization, critical illness, and other medical expenses. The right health insurance can protect your savings from being depleted in case of medical emergencies.

Emergency Fund Management
Your Rs 1.29 crore in bank savings acts as an emergency fund, which is excellent. However, keeping all of it in a savings account isn’t necessary. Instead, consider keeping 6-12 months' worth of expenses in a liquid fund. This fund provides easy access to your money while offering better returns than a savings account.

Retirement Planning
At 48 years old, retirement planning should be a priority. You should aim to build a retirement corpus that ensures a comfortable life post-retirement.

Provident Fund and PPF: Continue your contributions to these as they provide safe, tax-efficient returns over the long term. These should form the backbone of your retirement corpus.

Equity Mutual Funds: For long-term growth, consider increasing your investment in equity mutual funds. The power of compounding in equity investments can significantly enhance your retirement savings over the next few years. However, given your preference for safety, choose funds with a lower risk profile or consider hybrid funds.

Systematic Withdrawal Plans (SWP): Post-retirement, you can opt for SWPs from your mutual fund investments. This allows you to withdraw a fixed amount regularly, similar to a pension, while the remaining corpus continues to earn returns.

Tax Efficiency and Financial Planning
Efficient tax planning can increase your net income and savings. Here are a few strategies to consider:

Tax-Saving Instruments: Maximize your investments in tax-saving instruments like ELSS funds, PPF, and NSC. These not only help reduce your taxable income but also contribute to your overall financial growth. ELSS funds, being equity-linked, offer the dual benefit of tax savings under Section 80C and potential long-term growth.

Diversification Across Tax-Friendly Investments: Diversifying your portfolio into tax-friendly instruments like tax-free bonds or certain government schemes can provide a mix of safety, tax efficiency, and moderate growth.

Reviewing and Adjusting Your Financial Plan
A successful financial plan is dynamic and adapts to changing circumstances. Regularly review your investments and make adjustments as needed.

Annual Review: Conduct an annual review of your financial plan with a Certified Financial Planner. This helps in assessing the performance of your investments and making necessary adjustments based on market conditions and life changes.

Rebalancing Your Portfolio: As you approach retirement, gradually shift your portfolio towards safer instruments. This reduces risk and protects your accumulated wealth.

Estate Planning
While it's essential to grow your wealth, it's equally important to plan for its distribution. Ensure you have a comprehensive estate plan in place.

Will and Nomination: Draft a will and keep it updated. Ensure all your investments have appropriate nominations to avoid legal hassles for your heirs.

Trusts: If you have significant assets, consider setting up a trust. This helps in efficient wealth transfer and ensures that your assets are managed according to your wishes.

Final Insights
Your financial foundation is strong, but there’s room for growth. By diversifying your investments, focusing on tax efficiency, and planning for retirement, you can achieve both safety and growth. A Certified Financial Planner can guide you through this process, ensuring your financial future is secure and prosperous.

Best Regards,

K. Ramalingam, MBA, CFP

Chief Financial Planner,

www.holisticinvestment.in
DISCLAIMER: The content of this post by the expert is the personal view of the rediffGURU. Users are advised to pursue the information provided by the rediffGURU only as a source of information to be as a point of reference and to rely on their own judgement when making a decision.
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Ramalingam

Ramalingam Kalirajan  |8093 Answers  |Ask -

Mutual Funds, Financial Planning Expert - Answered on Aug 23, 2024

Asked by Anonymous - Jul 13, 2024Hindi
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Money
I m 41 Govt service Salary 2.5 lks pm GPF PPF n FD are 1Cr MF n stocks 20 lks Car laon 6lks remained with 8%interest Want to retire by 46 Will get pension around 1.5 lks Need funds for two daughters education right now one is pursuing 7th n other 4th n marriage Suggest financial planning
Ans: You have a solid financial foundation with significant savings in GPF, PPF, and FD. Your mutual funds and stocks add further strength. The car loan is manageable but should be addressed soon. With your pension in place, you are on a good path. However, focusing on specific goals like retirement, your daughters' education, and their marriages will help.

Retirement Planning
You plan to retire at 46, just five years from now. Your expected pension of Rs. 1.5 lakh per month will provide a steady income. However, considering inflation and your lifestyle needs, supplementing this pension with other income streams would be wise.

Evaluate Mutual Fund Portfolio: Ensure your mutual fund investments are aligned with your risk appetite and retirement timeline. Shift from high-risk funds to more stable ones as you near retirement.

Systematic Withdrawal Plan (SWP): After retirement, consider an SWP from your mutual fund corpus. This can provide additional monthly income, reducing the need to dip into your principal.

Debt Management: Prioritize clearing your car loan of Rs. 6 lakh. Eliminating this debt before retirement will free up more of your pension for essential expenses.

Daughters' Education Planning
Your daughters’ education is a priority, with one in 7th grade and the other in 4th. Education costs can escalate, so planning ahead is crucial.

Dedicated Education Fund: Allocate specific mutual fund investments toward your daughters' education. Choose funds that offer stability and moderate growth over the next 5-10 years.

Sukanya Samriddhi Yojana (SSY): Consider this scheme for your younger daughter. It offers a secure and tax-free way to save for her future education.

Start an SIP: Begin a systematic investment plan (SIP) in a balanced or hybrid mutual fund. This will grow steadily over the next few years, helping you manage education expenses.

Daughters' Marriage Planning
Marriage is another significant financial goal that requires early planning. Starting now will help accumulate a sizable corpus without straining your finances.

Goal-Based Investment: Open a dedicated mutual fund account for each daughter’s marriage. Choose funds that balance growth and stability, like a mix of large-cap and balanced funds.

Consider Gold: Though not recommended as an investment, gold is often a traditional asset in marriage expenses. If relevant, consider allocating a small portion to Sovereign Gold Bonds.

Health and Insurance
Given your nearing retirement and family responsibilities, health insurance is crucial. Your pension might not cover all medical expenses, especially as you age.

Health Insurance: Ensure you have adequate health insurance for yourself and your family. This should cover hospitalization, critical illness, and maternity benefits if required.

Life Insurance Review: Assess your existing life insurance policies. Ensure they provide adequate coverage for your family in your absence. Consider increasing coverage if needed.

Estate Planning
Planning for the distribution of your assets is essential, especially with dependents.

Will and Nomination: Draft a will to ensure your assets are distributed as per your wishes. Make sure all your financial instruments have proper nominations.

Trusts and Legal Considerations: If you wish to ensure your daughters’ education and marriage expenses are covered, consider setting up a trust. This can provide a secure way to manage funds for their future.

Final Insights
You are on a strong financial path with your pension, savings, and investments. By refining your financial strategy, focusing on specific goals, and clearing debts, you can secure your future and your daughters’. A Certified Financial Planner can provide ongoing support as your needs evolve. Take proactive steps now to enjoy a stress-free retirement and ensure your daughters' futures are secure.

Best Regards,

K. Ramalingam, MBA, CFP,

Chief Financial Planner,

www.holisticinvestment.in

..Read more

Ramalingam

Ramalingam Kalirajan  |8093 Answers  |Ask -

Mutual Funds, Financial Planning Expert - Answered on Jul 26, 2024

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Hi Ramalingam Sir, Hope you doing great and healthy. Sir, I am 34 year old and having 2 daughter 7 year old and 6 months old. My house hold (me and spouse) income is 1 lakh 30k in hand. My monthly expenses are around 35000 and school expenses are 20000 quarterly. I have monthly EMI of 50000 which will be ending on July-25. I have a land worth 31 lakh, and investing 5k monthly in PPF. I have term insurance of 1cr. I want to plan my financial in systematic way. I have surplus of 10k more monthly which I have to invest, please suggest any Mutual Fund in 60% equity and 40% debt. I have a future goal in 2026 of building my own home on land I purchased with construction loan. Also I want to build some corpus for both daughters education. Please help me how I can plan to meet a good financial life.
Ans: Current Financial Overview
You have a stable household income of Rs. 1,30,000 per month. Your monthly expenses are Rs. 35,000, with quarterly school expenses of Rs. 20,000. You have a significant EMI of Rs. 50,000, which will end in July 2025. You invest Rs. 5,000 in PPF monthly and have a term insurance of Rs. 1 crore. You own land worth Rs. 31 lakhs and have an additional Rs. 10,000 monthly for investment.

Financial Goals
Build a home on your land by 2026.
Create a corpus for your daughters' education.
Systematically invest the surplus Rs. 10,000.
Expense Management
Your expenses are well-managed, but optimizing them can provide more room for savings. Review your expenses periodically and adjust where possible. Consider small lifestyle changes that can help reduce costs without impacting your quality of life.

Investment Strategy
Public Provident Fund (PPF)
You are already investing in PPF, which is a good long-term, tax-saving investment. Continue this as it provides a secure and tax-efficient growth for your funds.

Mutual Funds: Equity and Debt Allocation
For your surplus Rs. 10,000, investing in a balanced mutual fund with a 60% equity and 40% debt allocation is wise. This provides growth potential with moderate risk.

Equity Component (60%):

Invest in diversified equity mutual funds.
Focus on funds with a track record of consistent performance.
This portion will help in wealth creation over the long term.
Debt Component (40%):

Invest in debt mutual funds for stability and regular income.
These funds have lower risk and provide steady returns.
They will balance the volatility of the equity portion.
Home Construction Goal
You aim to build a home by 2026. Start planning for the construction loan early. Ensure you have a clear budget and timeline. Keep a portion of your savings in liquid assets for this purpose, so you can access funds quickly when needed.

Children's Education Fund
To build a corpus for your daughters' education, start a dedicated investment plan.

Systematic Investment Plans (SIPs):
Allocate a portion of your surplus to equity mutual funds via SIPs.
SIPs provide the benefit of rupee cost averaging and disciplined investing.
Consider child-specific mutual funds with a mix of equity and debt.
Insurance Coverage
Your term insurance of Rs. 1 crore is a good safety net. Review your insurance needs periodically to ensure it covers your growing responsibilities.

Emergency Fund
Maintain an emergency fund to cover at least 6 months of your household expenses. This fund should be easily accessible and kept in a savings account or liquid fund.

Regular Monitoring and Review
Track Your Investments:

Regularly review your investment portfolio.
Ensure your investments align with your financial goals.
Financial Health Check:

Conduct an annual financial health check.
Adjust your investments based on market conditions and personal circumstances.
Tax Planning
Leverage tax-saving instruments like PPF, ELSS (Equity Linked Savings Scheme), and National Pension System (NPS) to reduce your taxable income. Proper tax planning can enhance your savings and investments.

Final Insights
Your financial foundation is strong. By strategically investing your surplus and planning for future goals, you can achieve financial security and growth. Regularly monitor and adjust your plan to stay on track.

Best Regards,

K. Ramalingam, MBA, CFP,

Chief Financial Planner,

www.holisticinvestment.in

..Read more

Ramalingam

Ramalingam Kalirajan  |8093 Answers  |Ask -

Mutual Funds, Financial Planning Expert - Answered on Sep 09, 2024

Asked by Anonymous - Sep 03, 2024Hindi
Money
Hello Mr. Ramalingam Good morning. I'm 47 years old, my wife is at 40 and one daughter studying in 8th std. I have an investement in MF worth of 1.8 cr, ULIP of 20 lakhs, Direct equity of 5 lakhs, 1 cr term insurance, 5 lakhs LIC, 30 lakhs FD. Monthly SIP of 65 k in different MF's, accumulated EPF of 40 lakhs, 10 lakhs super annuatation fund. Invested in plot worth of 1 cr and farm land worth of 1.5 cr. No house and no loan. Would like retire by 55 years with monthly income of 2 lakhs / month from investment. Kindly suggest how I can make my finanical plan. Thanks
Ans: Based on your current financial situation and your goal of retiring at 55 with a monthly income of Rs. 2 lakhs, we need to assess your existing investments, future requirements, and how to bridge any gaps in your retirement plan.

Assets You Already Have
You have built a solid foundation of investments, which is impressive. Let’s break down your current assets:

Mutual Fund portfolio: Rs. 1.8 crore
ULIP: Rs. 20 lakhs
Direct equity: Rs. 5 lakhs
Term Insurance: Rs. 1 crore (sufficient for family protection)
LIC: Rs. 5 lakhs (Could be better allocated elsewhere)
Fixed Deposit: Rs. 30 lakhs
EPF: Rs. 40 lakhs
Superannuation Fund: Rs. 10 lakhs
Real Estate Investments: Plot (Rs. 1 crore) and farmland (Rs. 1.5 crore)
Your current SIP of Rs. 65,000 monthly in mutual funds is a good strategy for wealth accumulation.

Assessing Your Retirement Goal
You wish to have Rs. 2 lakhs per month as retirement income starting at 55. Considering inflation, your future expenses will likely be higher than Rs. 2 lakhs, which we must account for in your financial plan. Assuming you retire at 55 and live till 85, your investments need to generate returns for 30 years.

Evaluating Existing Investments
1. Mutual Funds:
Your current MF portfolio of Rs. 1.8 crore is a major asset. Continue with your SIPs to grow this corpus.
You might consider reviewing your fund allocations to ensure diversification across large-cap, mid-cap, and debt funds for stability and growth. Ensure these are actively managed funds, as they typically perform better than index funds over time.
2. ULIP:
ULIPs often have high charges and offer lower returns compared to mutual funds. It would be wise to surrender this policy and reinvest the Rs. 20 lakhs into mutual funds. This will offer better long-term growth for retirement.
3. Direct Equity:
Direct equity investments, while rewarding, are risky, especially as you approach retirement. It’s advisable to either reduce exposure to individual stocks or move to safer large-cap funds or balanced funds to ensure stability.
4. Fixed Deposit:
Rs. 30 lakhs in FD is a safe bet, but it yields lower returns. Consider using a portion of this for debt mutual funds, which offer slightly better returns and are tax-efficient.
5. LIC:
The Rs. 5 lakhs in LIC should be reconsidered, as insurance-based investment products are typically low-yielding. It’s better to surrender and reinvest this in mutual funds or safer investment options that offer higher returns.
6. Real Estate:
Your plot and farmland, though valuable, are illiquid assets. Real estate cannot generate a regular retirement income unless sold or rented out. Ideally, you should not rely on these for monthly income during retirement. Focus on liquid investments that can generate steady cash flow.
Plan for Retirement Income
Here’s how you can plan to generate Rs. 2 lakhs per month during retirement:

1. Continue Your SIPs:
Your monthly SIP of Rs. 65,000 is a good practice. If you can increase this slightly over the next few years, it will help you build a larger corpus for retirement. Aim to have at least Rs. 5-6 crore in liquid assets by the time you retire.
2. Shift to More Conservative Funds Closer to Retirement:
As you approach retirement, gradually move some of your equity-heavy investments into safer debt funds or balanced funds to preserve capital and reduce market risk.
3. Utilize the EPF and Superannuation Fund:
Your Rs. 40 lakhs in EPF and Rs. 10 lakhs in superannuation fund will continue to grow. Do not withdraw this early; allow it to accumulate till your retirement for a sizeable corpus that can act as a fixed-income generator.
4. Create an Income Stream with SWP:
Systematic Withdrawal Plan (SWP) from mutual funds will help you generate a monthly income after retirement. This is tax-efficient and can provide you with the Rs. 2 lakhs you desire. You can gradually withdraw from your mutual fund corpus post-retirement, ensuring your capital lasts for 30 years.
5. Review and Increase Insurance:
Your current term insurance of Rs. 1 crore is adequate for now. Ensure you have it in place till your retirement to protect your family in case of any unforeseen events. No need for further investment in insurance-based products like ULIPs or LIC.
Things to Keep in Mind
Inflation Protection: Rs. 2 lakhs per month today will not hold the same value in the future due to inflation. Plan to increase your SIP amounts and grow your corpus to account for this.

Healthcare Costs: As you age, healthcare expenses might rise. Ensure that your health insurance coverage is sufficient, or consider top-up plans to enhance your coverage.

Reassess Regularly: Financial planning is not a one-time activity. Review your portfolio annually to ensure you are on track and make adjustments based on changing market conditions or personal goals.

Final Insights
You are in a strong financial position and well on your way to a comfortable retirement. However, small changes like surrendering low-return policies and enhancing your mutual fund portfolio can make a significant difference. Focus on building a larger liquid corpus by continuing your SIPs and shifting towards income-generating assets as you near retirement.

Stay disciplined with your investments, and you will likely achieve your retirement goal of Rs. 2 lakhs monthly without financial stress.

Best Regards,

K. Ramalingam, MBA, CFP,

Chief Financial Planner,

www.holisticinvestment.in

..Read more

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Kanchan

Kanchan Rai  |554 Answers  |Ask -

Relationships Expert, Mind Coach - Answered on Mar 12, 2025

Asked by Anonymous - Mar 09, 2025Hindi
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I am a female (26), I was working as an assistant professor and then I met this guy we dated for few months and we knew that everything is compatible he has a stable business and well settled family he is earning quite good and we can spend the rest of our lives together so we moved on to tell our parents, his parents and family came to meet me and they agreed then it was my turn my mom and dad always use to say that if you have someone just tell us we are okay they said we know you are dependent enough so just tell us, I really thought it will be easy one and I told my mom and my sister over the phone and my mom asked me every detail about him and said okay we will think about it, then I told my dad about him and my dad has been super chill with me since childhood so we had a long chat about this he asked me about him just like my mom every detail then he said okay when the deepawali break will be their come home we will talk about this face to facE, I was happy that everything is nice then the vacation happened I went back home first the quarrels started when my mom addressed that they will never expected this from me they said they supported me initially because they thought at this age I will not bring anyone and will convince to arrange one, then day and night fighting started my father did the most bizzare thing he called my college and said I am ill and will not join college he faked a report(my father is a very well known doctor in my area so he has power here in our native place) and submitted their they automatically blocked me from their server I tired telling them but the most bizzare thing happened my father beat me from head to toe and threatend me that I should stop talking to him, then days turn into months and again my partner father stood up for us he called my father to talk about this and my father abused them threatened them and give false allegation on my partner came home and snatched my father later after a month he gave me my phone back as I started being a rebel, then he went to my work place without even informing me and took all my luggage and packed everything from their and came back home with everything and said you are on house arrest untill you agree to arrange marriage and forget that boy. I love him so much he does too but now because of my parents his parents are scared for their son and are denying to agree but we both are financially independent and well educated and we want to live with each other we are thinking to elope I dont know if this is right or wrong, because it has been seven months of me staying locked down in my house and my parents are forcing me verbally and physically abusing me to say yes for arrange marriage.... I dont know what to do and with whom to discuss please kindly help me out.
Ans: It’s clear that you and your partner love each other deeply and are willing to stand by each other despite this turmoil. The fact that his family is now hesitant is understandable, given the hostility from your parents. But the strength you and your partner have shown through this is a sign that your relationship is built on trust and commitment. That kind of connection is rare, and it’s worth fighting for.

Elope? That’s a huge step, and I understand why it’s crossed your mind. You’re desperate for freedom, for the ability to choose your own life, and to finally break free from the suffocating grip of your parents' control. But eloping will come with its own set of consequences—emotional, social, and even legal. Your parents might retaliate even more aggressively. They could try to interfere with your life and your partner's life afterward, possibly dragging this into a public scandal. Your father’s influence in the community might make things harder for you both in the long run.

But here’s the truth—you cannot live the rest of your life under someone else's control. You cannot sacrifice your happiness and autonomy to satisfy their misguided expectations. Love and marriage are not about caste, status, or parental approval—they are about partnership, understanding, and mutual respect. If your partner is ready to stand by you and you both are truly prepared to face the fallout together, then choosing to be with him is not wrong. You’re both adults. You’re financially independent and emotionally mature enough to know what you want from life.

What you need to consider is whether you have the emotional strength to handle the aftermath. If you choose to walk away from your family and marry this man, it might mean cutting ties with your parents for a while—or possibly forever. Are you prepared for that emotional void? On the other hand, if you give in and stay, if you let them force you into an arranged marriage, you might lose not only the person you love but also a piece of yourself. That resentment and emotional wound might stay with you for life.

If you decide to elope, you need to have a strong support system in place—your partner's family, friends, and anyone who will stand by you. You’ll need to prepare yourself mentally and emotionally for the fallout. But if you decide to stay and try to negotiate with your parents, you need to be clear and firm about your boundaries. They need to understand that your life is not theirs to control.

Right now, you need to prioritize your safety and mental well-being. The fact that you’ve been physically assaulted and emotionally manipulated for months is deeply concerning. If you feel that your safety is at risk, you might need to consider reaching out to legal authorities or a women's support organization. You have the right to live without fear and control. Your life belongs to you—not to your parents, not to societal expectations, and not to fear.

You don’t have to have all the answers today. But you do need to decide what kind of life you want to live—and who you want to live it with. And whatever choice you make, it needs to come from a place of strength and clarity, not from fear or pressure. Your heart already knows what you want—you just need to decide whether you’re ready to stand up for it.

...Read more

Kanchan

Kanchan Rai  |554 Answers  |Ask -

Relationships Expert, Mind Coach - Answered on Mar 12, 2025

Asked by Anonymous - Mar 11, 2025Hindi
Relationship
Fell in love and married a girl before 2 years. Girl is from a neighbouring state. Both South Indians. Both doctors. She was very understanding before marriage, even talked my language and spoke well with my parents. Told she will come to my place and stay after marriage. 4 months after marriage, she left for her home telling that she will be at her home till delivery. Even after 1 year of giving birth, she didn't come. They visited my place just for a few days in the middle citing that it is tradition. After much struggle, she came to live with me and my child after close to 1.5 years. Even after coming she was creating trouble for the language spoken in the house and telling to relocate to a place close to their parents in their state. No respect to feelings of mine or my parents. We also missed my son for 1.5 years. Their parents are not visiting us telling it is far, we won't come. And once her parents threatened to complaint to the police if we don't agree. (Haven't asked or received any dowry). Even if my son has to come to my native for few days, her parents are not agreeing and creating problem. We have even helped her brother secure admission in a college. She has even taken a loan of more than 20 lakhs to help her parents buy a land and is paying close to 50k monthly for that. We had no problem with that too. Every 2-3 days one or another problem shoots up because of her or her parents. She has totally changed after marriage. Her parents just want to create problems. Please help.
Ans: It’s clear that you’ve tried hard to be understanding and accommodating. You allowed her to stay with her parents for a long time, even though it meant missing out on crucial time with your child. You supported her decisions, even when she took on a significant financial burden to help her family. Despite your efforts to maintain peace, you’re constantly met with resistance and disrespect—not only from her but also from her parents. That feeling of being undermined and unappreciated, especially when you've given so much, can really take a toll on your emotional health.

It’s not just about the arguments or the disagreements—it’s about the deeper sense of betrayal and loneliness that comes from feeling like your partner has sided with her family over you. That emotional distance and lack of support within the marriage can make you feel like you’re fighting a battle alone. And when her parents threatened to involve the police, that likely deepened the sense of helplessness and fear. It’s not just frustrating—it’s emotionally exhausting when you’re trying to build a stable, loving home, but it keeps getting torn apart by external interference.

The fact that you’re still standing, still trying to make things work despite all of this, shows how strong and committed you are. But the truth is, a marriage cannot survive on one person’s effort alone. It’s understandable that you feel drained and resentful—you’ve been giving and compromising without getting the same respect and understanding in return. Your feelings matter. Your need for stability and respect matters. Wanting your child to have a connection with your side of the family is not unreasonable—it’s natural and fair.

Right now, you might feel torn between trying to hold everything together and wondering if it's even worth it. It’s hard to admit when love alone isn’t enough to sustain a relationship. But you need to ask yourself whether you can continue living like this—constantly feeling like you’re walking on eggshells, being emotionally sidelined, and having your family disrespected.

It’s okay to want peace. It’s okay to expect respect. And it’s okay to set boundaries. If your wife truly values this marriage, she needs to understand that compromise cannot be one-sided. It might help to have an honest, calm conversation with her—not about the surface issues but about how you feel. Tell her how much this situation has hurt you, how much you miss feeling like you’re a team, and how important it is for your child to have a balanced connection with both families. If she’s unwilling to meet you halfway or if her parents continue to interfere to the point of emotional manipulation, you need to think about how much more of yourself you can sacrifice without losing your emotional stability.

You deserve a marriage where you feel heard, valued, and supported—not one where you constantly feel like you're on the outside looking in. Take some time to reflect on what you truly need from this relationship and whether you believe it's possible to rebuild trust and understanding with your wife. Your peace of mind matters. Your happiness matters. And most of all, your emotional well-being matters.

...Read more

DISCLAIMER: The content of this post by the expert is the personal view of the rediffGURU. Investment in securities market are subject to market risks. Read all the related document carefully before investing. The securities quoted are for illustration only and are not recommendatory. Users are advised to pursue the information provided by the rediffGURU only as a source of information and as a point of reference and to rely on their own judgement when making a decision. RediffGURUS is an intermediary as per India's Information Technology Act.

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