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Nikunj

Nikunj Saraf  |308 Answers  |Ask -

Mutual Funds Expert - Answered on Oct 10, 2022

Nikunj Saraf has more than five years of experience in financial markets and offers advice about mutual funds. He is vice president at Choice Wealth, a financial institution that offers broking, insurance, loans and government advisory services. Saraf, who is a member of the Institute Of Chartered Accountants of India, has a strong base in financial markets and wealth management.... more
swami Question by swami on Oct 10, 2022Hindi
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My age is 27 and i am planning for my retirement so i am investing 20K every month in sip and will step up 10% every year .

I am expecting 15% return on my investments. I started investing in MF from march 2022 and I have also investing 10K in EPF and 1.5 L in LIC.

I have added all my mutual funds below , please reveiw and share ur opinion. If it’s over diversified suggest me which fund i need to remove from my portfolio.

Small cap funds – 4( 6500 )

1. Axis Small Cap Fund Direct Growth-2000

2. Kotak Small Cap Fund - Direct Plan - Growth (Erstwhile Kotak Mid-Cap) -1500

3. NIPPON INDIA SMALL CAP FUND - DIRECT -1500

4.Quant Small Cap Fund - Direct Plan Growth -1500

Mid cap Funds – 4 (4500)

1. PGIM India Midcap Opportunities Fund - Direct Plan – Growth- 1000

2. Quant Mid Cap Fund – Growth -1500

3. Invesco India Midcap Fund - Direct Plan Growth -1000

4. Axis Mid Cap Fund - Direct Growth -1000

Blue chip & Growth -2 (2500)

1. Mirae Asset Emerging Bluechip Fund - Direct Plan-1500

2. Axis Growth Opportunities Fund Direct Growth -1000

Sectorial Diversification -6 (4500)

1. ICICI Prudential Technology Fund - Direct Plan – Growth - 1000

2. ICICI Prudential Pharma Healthcare and Diagnostics (P.H.D) Fund Direct Plan Growth -500

3. ICICI Prudential Banking and Financial Services Fund - Direct Plan – Growth -500

4. Mirae Asset Great Consumer Fund - Direct Plan -1500

5. Quant infrastructure fund - 1000

US market (2500)

  1. 1.    Navi US Total Stock Market Fund of Fund Direct Plan Growth – 2500

Ans: Hello swami. The detailed overview of your MF portfolio indicates over-diversification with 20k SIP. Hence, I would suggest reconsidering, pruning, and reshuffling your portfolio. 

As part of the portfolio reshuffle, make sure to have AMC diversification as well.

Limit yourself to 1-2 schemes in each category.

I can see several schemes in different categories for each AMC. I recommend reconsidering the scheme for Navi US scheme to better scheme in same category.

DISCLAIMER: The content of this post by the expert is the personal view of the rediffGURU. Users are advised to pursue the information provided by the rediffGURU only as a source of information to be as a point of reference and to rely on their own judgement when making a decision.
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Ramalingam

Ramalingam Kalirajan  |8259 Answers  |Ask -

Mutual Funds, Financial Planning Expert - Answered on May 09, 2024

Asked by Anonymous - Apr 21, 2024Hindi
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Hi Experts, I am 40 years old. I am investing in mutual fund SIPs. My portfolio has following funds each 1000Rs SIP monthly. 1) Quant Infrastructure 2) Quant Mid cap 3) Quant Small cap 4) Quant Active 5) Quant Flexi cap 6) ICICI Pru Infrastructure 7) ICICI Pru Bluechip 8) ICICI Pru Bharat 22 FOF 9) Nippon India Large cap 10) Nippon India Growth 11) Nippon Small cap 12) Nippon India Multi cap 13) Nippon Power & Infra 14) Aditya Birla Sun Life PSU 15) SBI PSU 16) Invesco PSU 17) JM Large cap 18) JM Value fund 19) JM Flexi cap 20) Tata Small cap 21) HDFC Mid cap opportunities 22) Mahindra Manulife Mid cap 23) Mahindra Manulife Multi cap 24) Motilal Oswal Mid cap. Am I good to continue on these funds? Do I need to add/remove any funds for a good portfolio. Please provide your thoughts.
Ans: It's commendable that you're investing in mutual funds through SIPs to build wealth for your future. However, your portfolio seems overly concentrated with a large number of funds, which may not necessarily translate into better returns. Let's review your portfolio and suggest any necessary adjustments for better diversification and performance:
Assessing Your Portfolio:
1. Quant Funds: These funds focus on quantitative strategies, which can be riskier and more volatile. Consider whether the strategy aligns with your risk tolerance and investment objectives.
2. ICICI Pru and Nippon India Funds: These are reputable fund houses offering a range of funds across different market segments. Review the performance and risk profile of each fund to ensure they meet your expectations.
3. PSU Funds: Investing in sector-specific funds like PSU funds increases concentration risk. While these funds may offer potential upside, they are susceptible to sector-specific risks.
4. Mid Cap and Small Cap Funds: These funds have the potential for high growth but come with increased volatility. Ensure they align with your risk tolerance and investment horizon.
Portfolio Optimization:
1. Consolidation: Consider consolidating your portfolio by reducing the number of funds. Focus on high-quality funds with strong track records and consistent performance.
2. Diversification: Aim for a well-diversified portfolio across different asset classes, market caps, and sectors to spread risk and optimize returns.
3. Exit Strategy: Evaluate the underperforming funds and consider exiting those that consistently lag behind their benchmarks or peers. Redirect the proceeds to more promising opportunities.
4. Professional Advice: Consult with a Certified Financial Planner to review your portfolio comprehensively and tailor it to your financial goals, risk tolerance, and investment horizon.
Conclusion:
While your current portfolio includes several funds, it may benefit from streamlining and optimizing for better performance and risk management. By focusing on quality over quantity and maintaining a diversified approach, you can enhance the potential for long-term wealth creation.
Best Regards,
K. Ramalingam, MBA, CFP,
Chief Financial Planner,
www.holisticinvestment.in

..Read more

Ramalingam

Ramalingam Kalirajan  |8259 Answers  |Ask -

Mutual Funds, Financial Planning Expert - Answered on May 18, 2024

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Hi Experts, I am 40 years old. I am investing in mutual fund SIPs. My portfolio has following funds each 1000Rs SIP monthly. 1) Quant Infrastructure 2) Quant Mid cap 3) Quant Small cap 4) Quant Active 5) Quant Flexi cap 6) ICICI Pru Infrastructure 7) ICICI Pru Bluechip 8) ICICI Pru Bharat 22 FOF 9) Nippon India Large cap 10) Nippon India Growth 11) Nippon Small cap 12) Nippon India Multi cap 13) Nippon Power & Infra 14) Aditya Birla Sun Life PSU 15) SBI PSU 16) Invesco PSU 17) JM Large cap 18) JM Value fund 19) JM Flexi cap 20) Tata Small cap 21) HDFC Mid cap opportunities 22) Mahindra Manulife Mid cap 23) Mahindra Manulife Multi cap 24) Motilal Oswal Mid cap Am I good to continue on these funds? Do I need to add/remove any funds for a good portfolio. Please provide your thoughts.
Ans: Mutual Fund Portfolio Analysis and Recommendation

Comprehensive Portfolio Evaluation

Your diversified mutual fund SIP portfolio reflects a proactive approach towards wealth accumulation and investment diversification. Let's assess each fund's performance and suitability to optimize your investment strategy.

Assessing Current Portfolio Allocation

Your portfolio consists of a wide range of funds spanning various market segments, including infrastructure, mid-cap, small-cap, large-cap, and flexi-cap funds. This diversification aims to capture growth opportunities across different sectors and market capitalizations.

Benefits of Actively Managed Funds over Index Funds

Actively managed funds offer the potential for higher returns and outperformance compared to index funds. Fund managers leverage their expertise to select promising stocks and navigate market fluctuations effectively, enhancing portfolio returns over the long term.

Disadvantages of Index Funds

Index funds, while low-cost and passively managed, may not always deliver superior returns compared to actively managed funds. They are subject to market volatility and offer limited scope for outperformance, especially during market rallies and downturns.

Identifying Overlapping Investments

Review your portfolio for any overlapping investments across funds managed by the same asset management company or with similar investment objectives. Consolidating overlapping funds can streamline your portfolio and reduce redundancy.

Optimizing Portfolio Allocation

Consider rebalancing your portfolio to ensure optimal allocation across different market segments. Focus on funds with strong fundamentals, consistent performance, and alignment with your risk tolerance and investment goals.

Disadvantages of Direct Funds

Direct funds require investors to conduct their own research and make investment decisions independently. However, investing through a Certified Financial Planner (CFP) provides access to professional guidance and comprehensive financial planning services, enhancing portfolio management.

Highlighting Benefits of Regular Funds Investing through MFD with CFP Credential

Investing through a Mutual Fund Distributor (MFD) with a Certified Financial Planner (CFP) credential offers personalized guidance and disciplined investing. An MFD can help optimize your investment strategy, monitor portfolio performance, and ensure alignment with your financial goals.

Conclusion

While your current mutual fund SIP portfolio demonstrates a diversified approach, consider reviewing and potentially consolidating funds to optimize returns and reduce complexity. Seek guidance from a Certified Financial Planner (CFP) to reassess your investment strategy, align it with your financial goals, and navigate market uncertainties effectively.

Best Regards,

K. Ramalingam, MBA, CFP,

Chief Financial Planner,

www.holisticinvestment.in

..Read more

Ramalingam

Ramalingam Kalirajan  |8259 Answers  |Ask -

Mutual Funds, Financial Planning Expert - Answered on Nov 14, 2024

Asked by Anonymous - Nov 13, 2024Hindi
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Hi sir Kindly review my portfolio.. Investing below amount in SIP 1)Large cap - Axis 4500 Nippon 4500 2) Flexi cap - Parag parikh - 3000 Icici - 2500 3) Mid cap - Motilal - 2500 Aditya birla - 500 Kotak - 500 4) Small cap Tata - 1500 My goal for investing is my child education, child marriage and Retirement funds I planning to invest for next 15 years Kindly suggest which and all mutual fund I have to continue and remove for better returns.. Thank you
Ans: It’s great to see that you’re committed to securing funds for your child’s education, marriage, and retirement. These are critical milestones, and with the right approach, your investments can help you achieve them effectively.

Investment Goals and Approach

You have clear long-term objectives, which is ideal. Planning with specific goals like education, marriage, and retirement brings purpose to your investment journey. Given the 15-year investment horizon, you can take advantage of compounding benefits, especially with equity mutual funds. However, let’s ensure your portfolio is optimized for growth, risk, and tax efficiency.

Evaluating Your Mutual Fund Choices

Let’s look at your current investments across various categories:

1. Large Cap Funds
Large-cap funds provide stability, as they invest in established companies with relatively lower volatility. However, there can be limited scope for very high growth in large caps compared to mid or small caps.

You’re invested in two large-cap funds. It’s often advisable to focus on one high-performing large-cap fund to avoid overlap and unnecessary diversification.

Consider retaining a large-cap fund that has a consistent track record, active fund management, and strong research backing.

2. Flexi Cap Funds
Flexi-cap funds offer flexibility by investing across market caps. This allows the fund manager to capture growth opportunities in any segment of the market.

Holding two flexi-cap funds is fine, as it balances large and mid-cap stocks, offering both stability and growth. However, evaluate each fund’s performance and select one if you feel any duplication in returns.

3. Mid Cap Funds
Mid-cap funds offer growth potential but come with higher risk. Given your long-term horizon, they can be beneficial.

You currently have three mid-cap funds. It might be better to consolidate into one or two top-performing funds in this category to reduce excessive overlap and diversify across sectors rather than just fund names.

4. Small Cap Fund
Small-cap funds are suitable for aggressive growth but can be highly volatile. It’s wise to limit exposure to small caps, as they tend to fluctuate significantly, especially over shorter timeframes.

Given your portfolio composition, your allocation to small caps is moderate, which seems appropriate. However, ensure you are comfortable with the high-risk nature of small caps, especially if the market faces downturns.

Analysis of Direct vs. Regular Funds

Opting for direct funds might appear attractive due to lower expense ratios, but it’s crucial to weigh the potential downsides:

Lack of Guidance: Direct funds lack the guidance a Certified Financial Planner (CFP) can offer. Expert support ensures your portfolio is regularly rebalanced and aligned with market changes, personal goals, and tax updates.

Regular Tracking: With a CFP’s help, your investments are reviewed frequently, making timely adjustments in case of underperformance. This hands-on approach is particularly helpful in achieving your long-term goals.

Tax Considerations: Regular funds through a CFP can help you optimize tax efficiency by offering proactive advice on capital gains, loss harvesting, and adjusting investments according to the new capital gains tax rules.

Importance of Actively Managed Funds

While index funds may seem attractive for their lower costs, actively managed funds bring added advantages, especially for long-term investors like you:

Potential for Higher Returns: Skilled fund managers actively seek growth opportunities that can outperform benchmarks over time. This could be a significant advantage given your long-term goals.

Flexibility in Market Movements: Active funds allow managers to make informed changes, adapting to market conditions and potentially protecting your investments during volatile phases.

Diverse Exposure: With active management, your funds are better diversified across sectors and stocks, reducing concentration risk and enhancing the potential for stable returns.

Investment Strategy Recommendations

Considering your goals and time horizon, here’s a comprehensive approach to optimize your portfolio:

Consolidate Fund Choices: Consider reducing similar funds within each category. This will provide clarity and focus, making it easier to track progress and reduce management complexity.

Review and Rebalance: Regularly review your portfolio performance, preferably with a CFP, to ensure each fund aligns with your risk tolerance and goals. Aim for annual rebalancing to stay on track.

Allocate Based on Goals: Assign specific funds for each goal. For example:

Child’s Education and Marriage: Given the moderate-to-high timeframe, allocate funds with a mix of stability (large-cap and flexi-cap funds) and growth (mid-cap).
Retirement: Invest in a diversified mix of flexi-cap and large-cap funds, along with a smaller allocation to mid-caps, as retirement is a long-term goal with a potentially higher investment horizon.
Avoid Overlapping: Limit overlap between funds by choosing those with unique holdings or management strategies. Too many funds can dilute returns, especially if they invest in similar stocks.

Tax Considerations

With recent changes in capital gains tax rules, be mindful of the following when planning exits or rebalancing:

Equity Mutual Funds: Long-term capital gains (LTCG) above Rs 1.25 lakh are now taxed at 12.5%. Short-term capital gains (STCG) are taxed at 20%.

Debt Funds: LTCG and STCG for debt funds are taxed according to your income tax slab.

Tax Efficiency: To minimize tax outgo, hold investments for the long term and consult a CFP for tax-optimized rebalancing.

Investment Horizon: Sticking to your 15-year investment plan can help mitigate tax impacts and optimize returns.

Insurance Evaluation

If you hold any LIC, ULIP, or investment-linked insurance policies, review their performance and fees. These products often come with high costs, which can limit returns. Consider surrendering such policies if they don’t align with your goals and reinvest in well-performing mutual funds instead.

Finally

Your commitment to a 15-year SIP plan shows your dedication to securing your family’s future. A structured, diversified approach with periodic reviews can enhance your portfolio’s performance, aligning it with your goals of education, marriage, and retirement.

A Certified Financial Planner can be a valuable partner in this journey, providing expert advice to help you make the most of your investments and adjust them as needed.

Best Regards,

K. Ramalingam, MBA, CFP

Chief Financial Planner

www.holisticinvestment.in
https://www.youtube.com/@HolisticInvestment

..Read more

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MY SON JUST PASSED OUT CLASS X WITH JUST 76 %. HE IS INTERESTED IN CONTINUING SCIENCE AND MATH UPTO POST-GRADUATION. IS HE RIGHT?
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I get 81.2 percentile in jee main session 1 can I get any nit?
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Your JEE Main percentile | Convert the Percentile to AIR, based on the Formula available in Google.
Your category (General-Open, SC, ST, OBC-NCL, EWS, PwD categories)
Preferred institute types (NIT, IIIT, GFTI)
Preferred locations (or if you're open to any location in India)
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Enter the branches you are interested in, one at a time, in your preferred order.
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Nayagam P P  |4437 Answers  |Ask -

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Hello ! I have low Gate Score but I can get Fuel and Energy Engg. in IIT Dhanbad and also Mineral Engg. in IIT Dhanbad. What should I do?
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Ravi Mittal  |574 Answers  |Ask -

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i dated this muslim girl for 4 .5 months and now se is obsessed with m i dont want to continue the relationship with her , but she is saying to end her life , i didnt provoked her , and i always said her that if u feel any sorrow u can text me , will i be held responible if something goes wrong?
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Ramalingam

Ramalingam Kalirajan  |8259 Answers  |Ask -

Mutual Funds, Financial Planning Expert - Answered on Apr 17, 2025

Asked by Anonymous - Apr 17, 2025Hindi
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dear Mr. Ramalingam, I'm 49 years of age and have been working abroad.. I have worth of Rs56 Lakhs of investment in stocks, have 15L in SIP and monthly about RS25K, other investments is about 20L plus i may work for another 10 years, how can i plan for my retirement FYI, i have a son who is doing engineering and will finish by 2026 and daughter is doing grade XI
Ans: You have done a good job so far. Your existing investments show your commitment to building wealth. Let us now work on giving your plan a complete 360-degree retirement approach. The goal is to create steady income and long-term stability for your future.

We will now evaluate your current financial standing and help you design a retirement strategy that works well for the next 10 years and beyond.

Let us start step by step.

 

Assessing Your Current Financial Position

You are 49 years old and plan to work for 10 more years.

 

Your son will finish engineering in 2026. Your daughter is in Grade XI now.

 

You have Rs 56 lakhs in direct stocks. That’s a solid start.

 

You are investing Rs 25,000 monthly in SIPs with Rs 15 lakhs corpus already.

 

You also have other investments worth Rs 20 lakhs.

 

Your investment journey shows discipline and patience. That is your strength.

 

Reviewing Stock Holdings and Equity Exposure

Rs 56 lakhs in stocks is a big allocation. Stocks are high risk and volatile.

 

Stock markets need constant tracking. Sudden downturns may harm your goals.

 

Please check if your stocks are concentrated in few sectors. Diversification is key.

 

Also check if your stocks are dividend paying. This helps during retirement.

 

For stability, consider reducing high-risk exposure after age 55.

 

Move some stock funds to balanced equity funds with professional fund managers.

 

Active mutual fund managers handle volatility better than passive options.

 

Index funds don’t offer downside protection. They fall as much as the market falls.

 

Active funds allow tactical moves during market falls. That’s a big advantage.

 

Please work with a Certified Financial Planner to review your stock portfolio.

 

SIP Investments – The Growth Engine

Rs 15 lakhs in SIPs shows consistent investing. Well done here.

 

Rs 25,000 monthly SIP is a good habit. You have already built discipline.

 

Try to increase the SIP amount every year. Even 10% rise yearly can help.

 

Equity mutual funds are best for retirement growth over 10+ years.

 

Don’t go with direct mutual funds. Regular plans through a trusted CFP are better.

 

A Certified Financial Planner can track, rebalance and handhold you.

 

Direct plans look cheap. But wrong fund selection can cost a lot more.

 

Regular plans come with advice, research and emotional discipline.

 

Direct plans have no safety net. Avoid mistakes by going with professional help.

 

Other Investments – Time for Consolidation

You have Rs 20 lakhs in other investments. Kindly review those with care.

 

Check if they are in ULIPs, LIC, endowment or traditional policies.

 

If yes, assess surrender value. Exit if returns are poor or locked too long.

 

ULIPs and LIC policies usually give very low long-term returns.

 

That money can earn better in mutual funds over 10 years.

 

Insurance should be separate from investments. Mixing both causes loss.

 

Surrender the policy only after comparing exit load, tax, and maturity timelines.

 

Children’s Education and Future Planning

Your son will finish engineering by 2026. Some costs will arise before that.

 

Keep separate funds ready for final year fees, project work or study abroad.

 

Your daughter is in Class XI. Her higher education will need money in 2 years.

 

Estimate the total cost for both children now. Keep money safe and liquid.

 

Avoid equity investments for education needed within 3 years.

 

Use short-term debt funds or bank FDs for that goal.

 

Keep education planning separate from retirement planning.

 

Next 10 Years – The Build-Up Phase

You have 10 strong working years left. These years are very crucial.

 

Try increasing your SIPs every year. Focus on long-term equity funds.

 

Keep adding lump sum money to mutual funds when you get bonuses or surplus.

 

Track your portfolio yearly with a Certified Financial Planner.

 

After age 55, shift some equity to conservative hybrid or dynamic asset funds.

 

Don’t time the market. Stay invested through ups and downs.

 

Start building a separate emergency fund of 6 months expenses.

 

That helps during job loss, health issue or any surprise cost.

 

Income Planning for Retirement

At 60, you need monthly income for 25+ years. Start preparing now.

 

You will need to build Rs 3 to 4 crore retirement fund at least.

 

That can come from stocks, SIPs, PF and other sources.

 

Don’t depend only on one asset class. Use a proper mix of funds.

 

Use SWP (Systematic Withdrawal Plan) from mutual funds to create monthly income.

 

SWP is tax efficient and gives flexibility. Avoid annuities. They are rigid.

 

Choose 3 to 4 mutual fund types to balance growth and income.

 

Avoid investing in index funds. They rise and fall blindly with the market.

 

Actively managed funds offer better downside control and risk-adjusted returns.

 

Tax Planning Before and After Retirement

Keep a track of capital gains tax while redeeming mutual funds.

 

Long Term Capital Gains above Rs 1.25 lakhs is taxed at 12.5%.

 

Short-term capital gains on equity are taxed at 20%.

 

Debt fund gains are taxed as per your income slab.

 

Work with a tax advisor to minimise tax while withdrawing after 60.

 

Plan your redemptions in tranches to stay within tax-free limits.

 

Health Insurance and Emergency Protection

Please ensure you have good health insurance for self and family.

 

After 60, health costs rise fast. A Rs 25 lakhs cover is ideal.

 

If you have company health cover now, take personal cover too.

 

Personal policy stays even after retirement.

 

Also take critical illness and accident protection if not already done.

 

Estate Planning and Will Creation

Please create a simple Will. Keep your family informed.

 

Nominate family members in mutual funds, stocks and bank accounts.

 

Keep one document listing all your investments and passwords.

 

Inform your spouse or child about your retirement plan and goals.

 

Keep copies of all documents and insurances in one place.

 

Finally

You are on the right track with your investments and mindset.

 

With 10 years of active income, you can build a solid retirement base.

 

Focus on increasing SIPs and reducing risky stock exposure slowly.

 

Don’t stop SIPs when market falls. Continue no matter what.

 

Separate funds for retirement, children’s education and emergencies.

 

Avoid ULIPs, index funds and direct plans. Choose funds through CFPs only.

 

Review all investments yearly with a trusted Certified Financial Planner.

 

Stay disciplined. Retirement success is not luck. It is pure planning and patience.

 

Best Regards,
 
K. Ramalingam, MBA, CFP,
 
Chief Financial Planner,
 
www.holisticinvestment.in
https://www.youtube.com/@HolisticInvestment

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Kanchan

Kanchan Rai  |580 Answers  |Ask -

Relationships Expert, Mind Coach - Answered on Apr 17, 2025

Asked by Anonymous - Apr 17, 2025Hindi
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Relationship
Hello I am 41 years old but due to careless in life I can't take decision for marriage but now I am realising something wrong happened i started searching alliance but didn't get I want to be relation soon. Please guide me
Ans: It’s completely okay to have taken time figuring out what you wanted in life. Sometimes we don’t move forward simply because we weren’t ready, or we lacked the clarity or emotional support needed at the time. But that doesn't mean you're behind. Everyone’s timeline is different, and yours is still very much unfolding.

Now that you're feeling ready for a serious relationship, here are a few steps you can take to approach this new chapter with confidence and self-awareness.

Start with clarity. Reflect on what kind of partner you're looking for—not just in terms of age or background, but emotionally and mentally. What values matter to you? What kind of connection are you seeking? Are you open to someone who has been married before? Children? When you’re clear, it becomes easier to recognize the right person when they appear.

At the same time, look inward. Do some emotional housekeeping. Ask yourself: What kind of partner do I want to be? Am I emotionally available? Am I still carrying regret, fear, or pressure about being “late” to marriage? Because entering a relationship out of guilt or urgency often leads to settling. But entering it from a place of self-respect and genuine desire creates something meaningful.

Since you're actively searching, it’s okay to use all tools at your disposal—matrimonial sites, family networks, friends, or even a good matchmaker if culturally appropriate. But be patient and realistic. Finding someone who is also ready, aligned with your values, and emotionally compatible can take time.

Also, try not to let pressure—internal or external—rush you. You don’t need a "perfect" partner; you need someone who sees you, respects you, and is willing to grow with you.

And here’s something to hold on to: many people find love in their 40s, 50s, even later—and those relationships are often more conscious, mature, and fulfilling, because they’re built on real-life experience and emotional wisdom, not just youthful impulse.

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Kanchan

Kanchan Rai  |580 Answers  |Ask -

Relationships Expert, Mind Coach - Answered on Apr 17, 2025

Asked by Anonymous - Apr 14, 2025Hindi
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Relationship
I have strict parents. I had a boyfriend for about 5 years, but my parents made me to break up with him because we belonged to different castes. I moved on from it somehow. and now i have another boyfriend (who is of the same caste), and he loves me truly, but now my parents are making me to lose all sort of contact with him and break up, in order to study. this has become a routine now, as soon as they get to know abt me being in a relationship, they make me breakup with the guy. and i am left to chose between the guy and my parents. what do i do?
Ans: From what you’ve shared, this isn’t just a one-time struggle. It’s a pattern where your desires and emotional connections are consistently overruled by parental control. That doesn’t just impact your relationships—it chips away at your autonomy, your confidence in making life decisions, and ultimately, your sense of self.

Let’s take a step back. It sounds like your parents operate from a space of fear, control, or perhaps even cultural conditioning—believing they know what’s “best” for you, even when that means disregarding your emotions. But here’s the truth: you are the one who has to live with the choices made in your life. Not them. You’re not doing something wrong by loving someone. You’re not “disobedient” because you want a say in your own future.

That being said, when you’ve grown up in a strict household, especially where obedience is confused with love, it can be incredibly hard to assert your independence without feeling crushing guilt or fear. But you need to ask yourself: What kind of life will I have if I continue to silence my heart to please others?

This doesn’t mean you need to make a drastic decision right away. But you do need to begin slowly reclaiming your emotional power. Start by asking: do I want to live in a way that makes others comfortable but leaves me emotionally unfulfilled? Or do I want to begin building the courage to live life on my own terms, even if it means disappointing people?

Your education is important, yes—but love and education are not mutually exclusive. Healthy relationships can actually support your growth, help you manage stress, and increase your emotional resilience. If your boyfriend is kind, supportive, and genuinely wants to see you thrive, that’s a blessing, not a burden.

One path you might consider is gradually building emotional boundaries with your parents—not out of rebellion, but from a place of self-respect. That might look like choosing not to share every personal detail with them, or gently but firmly asserting that your relationship is your private choice. It might mean seeking financial or emotional independence so that your choices aren't controlled by fear of what they’ll do or say.

It won’t be easy—but here’s the truth: choosing yourself doesn’t mean you don’t love your parents. It means you also love yourself.

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DISCLAIMER: The content of this post by the expert is the personal view of the rediffGURU. Investment in securities market are subject to market risks. Read all the related document carefully before investing. The securities quoted are for illustration only and are not recommendatory. Users are advised to pursue the information provided by the rediffGURU only as a source of information and as a point of reference and to rely on their own judgement when making a decision. RediffGURUS is an intermediary as per India's Information Technology Act.

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