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Omkeshwar

Omkeshwar Singh  | Answer  |Ask -

Head, Rank MF - Answered on Sep 09, 2020

Mutual Fund Expert... more
Arun Question by Arun on Sep 09, 2020Hindi
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I am 49 years old male and working in PSU. I am an old investor investing in MFs since 2011 and I am a moderate risk taker. Till May 2020 I was investing through monthly SIP of Rs. 6000/- in ABSL Frontline Equity Fund which I stopped as it was performing badly since long, accumulated Rs. 1,28,000/- and holding that amount till date. From June 2020 I have started monthly SIPs in the following Mutual Funds:-

1) SBI Equity Hybrid Fund: Rs. 5000/- which I am investing for 4 to 5 years for my daughter's education, currently she is in 8th standard. After 4 to 5 years I have planned to switch to SBI Focused Equity.

2) Axis Bluechip Fund: Rs. 3000/-

3) Kotak Standard Multicap Fund: Rs. 2000/-

4) Motilal Oswal NASDAC 100 FOF: Rs. 1000/-

Every year I am going to increase the SIP amount by minimum 10%. My retirement is after 11 years (July 2031). I am going to invest in above mentioned funds for 10 years.

I would like to know how is my portfolio (does it need any changes) and how much retirement corpus I am going to make after 10 years?

Ans:
Name of the Fund Category Recommendations
Arun Kumar Das    
SBI Equity Hybrid Fund Hybrid - Aggressive Hybrid Fund Continue
SBI Focused Equity Equity - Focused Fund Continue
Axis Bluechip Fund Equity - Large Cap Fund Continue
Kotak Standard Multicap Fund Equity - Multi Cap Fund SmartSwitch to UTI Equity Fund - Growth
Motilal Oswal NASDAC  FoFs (Overseas) Continue
DISCLAIMER: The content of this post by the expert is the personal view of the rediffGURU. Users are advised to pursue the information provided by the rediffGURU only as a source of information to be as a point of reference and to rely on their own judgement when making a decision.
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Omkeshwar

Omkeshwar Singh  | Answer  |Ask -

Head, Rank MF - Answered on Aug 11, 2021

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Below is my portfolio. Would highly appreciate if you can suggest if it is good or any changes required? Total current investment in SIP is Rs 12,000 (Which now I want to make it Rs 15K) kindly advise a good additional SIP for investing 3K monthly. Also let me know if the MF in lump sum are good? Or any changes required. I am now 45 years of age and my total savings as of date is Rs 13 Lacs only. Kindly advise how much more investment would I have to make to collect a good amount for my son's education and retirement - I have 2 son's aged 12 and 8. My current salary is Rs 1.5 Lacs and wife is also working with a salary of 30 K. Also I keep breaking SIP and lumpsum in between for emergency use. Let me know if that will affect my long terms plans of collecting funds SIPs: NAME OF MUTUAL FUND AMT INVESTED PER MONTH - (LONG TERM) Axis Focused 25 - Growth - RS - 2,OOO /- ICICI Prudential Focused Equity - Growth RS - 2,OOO /- HDFC Top 100 - Growth RS - 2,OOO /- Kotak Standard Multicap Fund - Growth RS - 2,OOO /- L&T Midcap - Growth RS - 2,OOO /- Motilal Oswal Multicap 35 - Growth RS - 2,OOO /- LUMPSUM NAME OF MUTUAL FUND AMT INVESTED LUMPSUM - (LONG TERM) DSP Focus - Growth RS - 1 LAC (INVESTED IN APRIL 2016) ICICI Pru Long Term Eq Fund ( Tax Sav) - Growth RS - 1 LAC (INVESTED IN APRIL 2016) Kotak Bluechip Fund - Growth RS - 1 LAC (INVESTED IN APRIL 2016) Nippon India DYNAMIC BOND FUND - Growth Plan RS - 1 LAC (INVESTED IN APRIL 2016) Mirae Asset Focused Fund - Growth RS - 50K (INVESTED IN AUG 2019) Mirae Asset Midcap Fund - Growth RS - 25K (INVESTED IN AUG 2019)
Ans: Prudent approach is to have the family covered for medical and life with pure insurance product.

Post that, create a corpus for emergency fund that should be 6 month of monthly expenses.

Only post that investment is recommended.

Depending upon your cash flows, mode of investment can be SIPs or lumpsums; however, SIPs are recommended.

Existing funds are okay; for further investment Axis ESG Equity Fund – Growth or UTI Flexi Cap fund – Growth can be considered

..Read more

Ramalingam

Ramalingam Kalirajan  |8259 Answers  |Ask -

Mutual Funds, Financial Planning Expert - Answered on May 29, 2024

Asked by Anonymous - Dec 28, 2023Hindi
Money
Hi Samraat, i am looking to build a retirement corpus of around 5 cr. and have started investing from the last few months in mutual funds. I am doing a monthly SIP of about 80k in the below mutual funds: 1. Hdfc flexi cap - 15k 2. Parag Parekh flexi cap - 15 k 3. Nippon india large cap fund - 10k 4. Nippon india growth fund - 10k 5. SBI magnum mid cap fund - 5k 6. Hdfc micap oppurtunities fund - 5k 7. Nippon india small cap fund - 20k I have a moderate to high risk appetite with an investment horizon of about 15 yrs. Please advise if my advise if my investments are in the correct funds or do i need to update my portfolio.
Ans: Hi Samraat,

You've taken a commendable step towards building a retirement corpus by investing in mutual funds through SIPs. Your approach shows foresight and discipline, both crucial for long-term financial success.

Assessing Your Current Portfolio
Your portfolio consists of a mix of large cap, mid cap, and small cap funds. This diversification can potentially offer a balance between risk and return, aligning with your moderate to high risk appetite.

Flexi Cap Funds: Investing Rs 30,000 in flexi cap funds offers flexibility. These funds can switch between large, mid, and small cap stocks. This adaptability can be advantageous, especially in volatile markets.

Large Cap Funds: Allocating Rs 10,000 to a large cap fund adds stability to your portfolio. Large cap funds typically invest in well-established companies. This can provide steady growth and less volatility compared to mid or small cap funds.

Mid Cap Funds: Investing Rs 10,000 in mid cap funds can enhance growth potential. Mid cap companies often have significant growth opportunities. However, they come with higher risk compared to large cap companies.

Small Cap Funds: Allocating Rs 20,000 to small cap funds introduces higher risk but also higher potential returns. Small cap funds invest in smaller companies, which can grow rapidly. However, they are also more volatile.

Advantages of Your Current Strategy
Diversification: Your portfolio is well-diversified across different market capitalizations. This diversification can help mitigate risks and capture growth opportunities across various segments.

Systematic Investment Plan (SIP): Investing Rs 80,000 monthly through SIPs is a smart move. SIPs help in averaging out the cost of investment and instilling financial discipline.

Considerations for Improvement
While your portfolio is generally well-structured, there are areas for potential enhancement.

Overlapping Holdings: Multiple funds in your portfolio may have overlapping holdings. This can lead to concentration risk, reducing the benefits of diversification. Reviewing the specific holdings of each fund can help identify and reduce overlaps.

Performance Monitoring: Regularly monitor the performance of your funds. Market conditions and fund performance can change. Periodic reviews ensure your investments remain aligned with your goals.

Actively Managed Funds: Actively managed funds can offer potential advantages over index funds. These funds are managed by professional fund managers who actively select stocks. This can potentially lead to better returns, especially in volatile markets.

Investment Horizon: With a 15-year horizon, you have ample time to ride out market fluctuations. This long-term perspective is beneficial for equity investments. However, ensure your risk tolerance remains consistent over time.

Disadvantages of Direct Funds
Lack of Guidance: Direct funds lack the guidance provided by mutual fund distributors (MFDs) and certified financial planners (CFPs). This guidance can be crucial for making informed investment decisions.

Time and Effort: Managing direct funds requires significant time and effort. Regular monitoring and adjustments are needed to ensure optimal performance.

Professional Expertise: Investing through an MFD with CFP credentials offers access to professional expertise. This can help in selecting the right funds, optimizing returns, and managing risks effectively.

Benefits of Regular Funds
Expert Guidance: Investing through a CFP provides expert guidance. This can help you make informed decisions and stay on track to achieve your retirement goals.

Convenience: Regular funds managed by professionals offer convenience. You benefit from their expertise without having to invest time and effort in managing your investments.

Optimized Portfolio: A CFP can help create and maintain an optimized portfolio. This ensures your investments remain aligned with your financial goals and risk tolerance.

Building a Robust Retirement Corpus
Consistent Investing: Continue your SIPs consistently. Regular investments can help build a substantial corpus over time.

Review and Adjust: Periodically review and adjust your portfolio. This ensures it remains aligned with your financial goals and market conditions.

Professional Advice: Consider seeking advice from a CFP. Professional guidance can help optimize your portfolio and enhance your chances of achieving your retirement goals.

Conclusion
You've made a strong start towards building your retirement corpus. With consistent investments, regular reviews, and professional guidance, you can enhance your portfolio and achieve your retirement goals. Stay focused, disciplined, and proactive in managing your investments.

Best Regards,

K. Ramalingam, MBA, CFP,

Chief Financial Planner,

www.holisticinvestment.in

..Read more

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Nayagam P

Nayagam P P  |4437 Answers  |Ask -

Career Counsellor - Answered on Apr 17, 2025

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MY SON JUST PASSED OUT CLASS X WITH JUST 76 %. HE IS INTERESTED IN CONTINUING SCIENCE AND MATH UPTO POST-GRADUATION. IS HE RIGHT?
Ans: Avijit Sir, To provide more specific guidance, it would be helpful to know how many marks your son scored in Mathematics and Science specifically, and what exactly has motivated his interest in pursuing these subjects up to graduation. Also, what are his long-term goals? Suggestion: Please arrange a Psychometric Test for him. It will offer a clearer picture of his aptitude, interests, and personality, helping to identify which career paths might align best with his strengths. Academic Preparedness:
Please note that Class XI Science—especially Physics and Mathematics—is highly conceptual and more rigorous than Class X. If he faced difficulties in these subjects earlier, it’s important to bridge that gap now through: A foundation course or Summer preparation by joining any Coaching Cenre Offline or online. Coaching can be helpful, but only if the motivation comes from within. Without genuine interest, coaching may lead to burnout. If he is aiming for competitive exams like JEE (IIT, NIT), NEET, or wants to explore pure sciences at institutes like IISc or IISER, it’s vital to develop a structured study routine early on. Maintain Career Flexibility. Even if he continues with Science and Math now, he can later explore interdisciplinary fields such as: Data Science | Finance | Architecture | Design Or even emerging tech fields Choosing Science now doesn’t limit him—it actually keeps more doors open for the future. All the Best for Your Son's Prosperous Future.

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Nayagam P

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Career Counsellor - Answered on Apr 17, 2025

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I get 81.2 percentile in jee main session 1 can I get any nit?
Ans: Priyanshi, Here is, How to Predict Your Chances of Admission into NIT or IIIT or GFTI After JEE Main Results – A Step-by-Step Guide.

Providing precise admission chances for each student can be challenging. Some reputed educational websites offer ‘College Predictor’ tools where you can check possible college options based on your percentile, category, and preferences. However, for a more accurate understanding, here’s a simple yet effective 9-step method using JoSAA’s past-year opening and closing ranks. This approach gives you a fair estimate (though not 100% exact) of your admission chances based on the previous year’s data.

Step-by-Step Guide to Check Your Admission Chances Using JoSAA Data
Step 1: Collect Your Key Details
Before starting, note down the following details:

Your JEE Main percentile | Convert the Percentile to AIR, based on the Formula available in Google.
Your category (General-Open, SC, ST, OBC-NCL, EWS, PwD categories)
Preferred institute types (NIT, IIIT, GFTI)
Preferred locations (or if you're open to any location in India)
List of at least 3 preferred academic programs (branches) as backups (instead of relying on just one option)
Step 2: Access JoSAA’s Official Opening & Closing Ranks
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Click on the first search result (official JoSAA website).
You will land directly on JoSAA’s portal, where you can enter your details to check past-year cutoffs.
Step 3: Select the Round Number
JoSAA conducts five rounds of counseling.
For a safer estimate, choose Round 4, as most admissions are settled by this round.
Step 4: Choose the Institute Type
Select NIT, IIIT, or GFTI, depending on your preference.
If you are open to all types of institutes, check them one by one instead of selecting all at once.
Step 5: Select the Institute Name (Based on Location)
It is recommended to check institutes one by one, based on your preferred locations.
Avoid selecting ‘ALL’ at once, as it may create confusion.
Step 6: Select Your Preferred Academic Program (Branch)
Enter the branches you are interested in, one at a time, in your preferred order.
Step 7: Submit and Analyze Results
After selecting the relevant details, click the ‘SUBMIT’ button.
The system will display Opening & Closing Ranks of the selected institute and branch for different categories.
Step 8: Note Down the Opening & Closing Ranks
Maintain a notebook or diary to record the Opening & Closing Ranks for each institute and branch you are interested in.
This will serve as a quick reference during JoSAA counseling.
Step 9: Adjust Your Expectations on a Safer Side
Since Opening & Closing Ranks fluctuate slightly each year, always adjust the numbers for safety.
Example Calculation:
If the Opening & Closing Ranks for NIT Delhi | Mechanical Engineering | OPEN Category show 8622 & 26186 (for Home State), consider adjusting them to 8300 & 23000 (on a safer side).
If the Female Category rank is 34334 & 36212, adjust it to 31000 & 33000.
Follow this approach for Other State candidates and different categories.
Pro Tip: Adjust your expected rank slightly lower than the previous year's cutoffs for realistic expectations during JoSAA counseling.

Can This Method Be Used for JEE April & JEE Advanced?
Yes! You can repeat the same steps after your April JEE Main results to refine your admission possibilities.
You can also follow a similar process for JEE Advanced cutoffs when applying for IITs.

Want to Learn More About JoSAA Counseling?
If you want detailed insights on JoSAA counseling, engineering entrance exams, preparation strategies, and engineering career options, check out EduJob360’s 180+ YouTube videos on this topic!

Hope this guide helps! All the best for your admissions!

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Nayagam P

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Career Counsellor - Answered on Apr 17, 2025

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Hello ! I have low Gate Score but I can get Fuel and Energy Engg. in IIT Dhanbad and also Mineral Engg. in IIT Dhanbad. What should I do?
Ans: Shrikant, Fuel and Energy Engineering (FEE) focuses on sustainability, renewable energy, and energy systems, with potential for higher education in energy systems, sustainability, and climate tech roles. It offers more opportunities in renewables, thermal, oil & gas, and policy, while Mineral Engineering focuses on mineral processing, extraction, metallurgy, and mining operations. Both branches accept low GATE scores, making it a great chance to get into an IIT.

Choosing between Fuel and Energy Engineering and Mineral Engineering depends on factors such as interest area, job opportunities, future reach, and GATE score concerns. FEE is ideal for forward-thinking individuals interested in future energy technology and for more employment opportunities in India and abroad, while mineral engineering can provide stability for those working in core industries, PSUs, or mining businesses. If you're forward-looking, interested in emerging energy technologies, and want wider career options (in India and globally), Fuel and Energy Engineering is likely the better choice.

If you're okay with a more specialized field and potentially working in core industries, PSUs, or mining companies, then Mineral Engineering can also offer stability. All the Best for Your Admission.

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Ravi

Ravi Mittal  |574 Answers  |Ask -

Dating, Relationships Expert - Answered on Apr 17, 2025

Asked by Anonymous - Apr 17, 2025Hindi
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i dated this muslim girl for 4 .5 months and now se is obsessed with m i dont want to continue the relationship with her , but she is saying to end her life , i didnt provoked her , and i always said her that if u feel any sorrow u can text me , will i be held responible if something goes wrong?
Ans: Dear Anonymous,
I am sorry that you are in this difficult situation; it sounds very emotionally draining. Now coming to your question, I cannot give you advice from the legal point of view but I can give you the human pov.- even though you are not responsible for anyone’s mental health, you can still be kind and helpful when someone is at a low point in their lives. You can start by telling her that you care about her, but the romantic relationship is over. And even though you two are not a couple, you will still help her get through this. Tell her that she deserves better and her life has so much value- if she does something, it will definitely affect a lot of people who deeply care for her. Encourage her to talk to someone she is close to. You can also consider alerting someone in your circle who knows the both of you and can help in this situation.

I understand how exhausting it must be to be held emotionally hostage, but since the issue is self-harm, it is best to take things seriously. You might not be able to fix it for her, but you can be kind. If she persists, please consider alerting her family. And if you are overwhelmed, please share the concerns with someone you trust. It must be difficult to carry all the burden alone.

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Ramalingam

Ramalingam Kalirajan  |8259 Answers  |Ask -

Mutual Funds, Financial Planning Expert - Answered on Apr 17, 2025

Asked by Anonymous - Apr 17, 2025Hindi
Money
dear Mr. Ramalingam, I'm 49 years of age and have been working abroad.. I have worth of Rs56 Lakhs of investment in stocks, have 15L in SIP and monthly about RS25K, other investments is about 20L plus i may work for another 10 years, how can i plan for my retirement FYI, i have a son who is doing engineering and will finish by 2026 and daughter is doing grade XI
Ans: You have done a good job so far. Your existing investments show your commitment to building wealth. Let us now work on giving your plan a complete 360-degree retirement approach. The goal is to create steady income and long-term stability for your future.

We will now evaluate your current financial standing and help you design a retirement strategy that works well for the next 10 years and beyond.

Let us start step by step.

 

Assessing Your Current Financial Position

You are 49 years old and plan to work for 10 more years.

 

Your son will finish engineering in 2026. Your daughter is in Grade XI now.

 

You have Rs 56 lakhs in direct stocks. That’s a solid start.

 

You are investing Rs 25,000 monthly in SIPs with Rs 15 lakhs corpus already.

 

You also have other investments worth Rs 20 lakhs.

 

Your investment journey shows discipline and patience. That is your strength.

 

Reviewing Stock Holdings and Equity Exposure

Rs 56 lakhs in stocks is a big allocation. Stocks are high risk and volatile.

 

Stock markets need constant tracking. Sudden downturns may harm your goals.

 

Please check if your stocks are concentrated in few sectors. Diversification is key.

 

Also check if your stocks are dividend paying. This helps during retirement.

 

For stability, consider reducing high-risk exposure after age 55.

 

Move some stock funds to balanced equity funds with professional fund managers.

 

Active mutual fund managers handle volatility better than passive options.

 

Index funds don’t offer downside protection. They fall as much as the market falls.

 

Active funds allow tactical moves during market falls. That’s a big advantage.

 

Please work with a Certified Financial Planner to review your stock portfolio.

 

SIP Investments – The Growth Engine

Rs 15 lakhs in SIPs shows consistent investing. Well done here.

 

Rs 25,000 monthly SIP is a good habit. You have already built discipline.

 

Try to increase the SIP amount every year. Even 10% rise yearly can help.

 

Equity mutual funds are best for retirement growth over 10+ years.

 

Don’t go with direct mutual funds. Regular plans through a trusted CFP are better.

 

A Certified Financial Planner can track, rebalance and handhold you.

 

Direct plans look cheap. But wrong fund selection can cost a lot more.

 

Regular plans come with advice, research and emotional discipline.

 

Direct plans have no safety net. Avoid mistakes by going with professional help.

 

Other Investments – Time for Consolidation

You have Rs 20 lakhs in other investments. Kindly review those with care.

 

Check if they are in ULIPs, LIC, endowment or traditional policies.

 

If yes, assess surrender value. Exit if returns are poor or locked too long.

 

ULIPs and LIC policies usually give very low long-term returns.

 

That money can earn better in mutual funds over 10 years.

 

Insurance should be separate from investments. Mixing both causes loss.

 

Surrender the policy only after comparing exit load, tax, and maturity timelines.

 

Children’s Education and Future Planning

Your son will finish engineering by 2026. Some costs will arise before that.

 

Keep separate funds ready for final year fees, project work or study abroad.

 

Your daughter is in Class XI. Her higher education will need money in 2 years.

 

Estimate the total cost for both children now. Keep money safe and liquid.

 

Avoid equity investments for education needed within 3 years.

 

Use short-term debt funds or bank FDs for that goal.

 

Keep education planning separate from retirement planning.

 

Next 10 Years – The Build-Up Phase

You have 10 strong working years left. These years are very crucial.

 

Try increasing your SIPs every year. Focus on long-term equity funds.

 

Keep adding lump sum money to mutual funds when you get bonuses or surplus.

 

Track your portfolio yearly with a Certified Financial Planner.

 

After age 55, shift some equity to conservative hybrid or dynamic asset funds.

 

Don’t time the market. Stay invested through ups and downs.

 

Start building a separate emergency fund of 6 months expenses.

 

That helps during job loss, health issue or any surprise cost.

 

Income Planning for Retirement

At 60, you need monthly income for 25+ years. Start preparing now.

 

You will need to build Rs 3 to 4 crore retirement fund at least.

 

That can come from stocks, SIPs, PF and other sources.

 

Don’t depend only on one asset class. Use a proper mix of funds.

 

Use SWP (Systematic Withdrawal Plan) from mutual funds to create monthly income.

 

SWP is tax efficient and gives flexibility. Avoid annuities. They are rigid.

 

Choose 3 to 4 mutual fund types to balance growth and income.

 

Avoid investing in index funds. They rise and fall blindly with the market.

 

Actively managed funds offer better downside control and risk-adjusted returns.

 

Tax Planning Before and After Retirement

Keep a track of capital gains tax while redeeming mutual funds.

 

Long Term Capital Gains above Rs 1.25 lakhs is taxed at 12.5%.

 

Short-term capital gains on equity are taxed at 20%.

 

Debt fund gains are taxed as per your income slab.

 

Work with a tax advisor to minimise tax while withdrawing after 60.

 

Plan your redemptions in tranches to stay within tax-free limits.

 

Health Insurance and Emergency Protection

Please ensure you have good health insurance for self and family.

 

After 60, health costs rise fast. A Rs 25 lakhs cover is ideal.

 

If you have company health cover now, take personal cover too.

 

Personal policy stays even after retirement.

 

Also take critical illness and accident protection if not already done.

 

Estate Planning and Will Creation

Please create a simple Will. Keep your family informed.

 

Nominate family members in mutual funds, stocks and bank accounts.

 

Keep one document listing all your investments and passwords.

 

Inform your spouse or child about your retirement plan and goals.

 

Keep copies of all documents and insurances in one place.

 

Finally

You are on the right track with your investments and mindset.

 

With 10 years of active income, you can build a solid retirement base.

 

Focus on increasing SIPs and reducing risky stock exposure slowly.

 

Don’t stop SIPs when market falls. Continue no matter what.

 

Separate funds for retirement, children’s education and emergencies.

 

Avoid ULIPs, index funds and direct plans. Choose funds through CFPs only.

 

Review all investments yearly with a trusted Certified Financial Planner.

 

Stay disciplined. Retirement success is not luck. It is pure planning and patience.

 

Best Regards,
 
K. Ramalingam, MBA, CFP,
 
Chief Financial Planner,
 
www.holisticinvestment.in
https://www.youtube.com/@HolisticInvestment

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Kanchan

Kanchan Rai  |580 Answers  |Ask -

Relationships Expert, Mind Coach - Answered on Apr 17, 2025

Asked by Anonymous - Apr 17, 2025Hindi
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Hello I am 41 years old but due to careless in life I can't take decision for marriage but now I am realising something wrong happened i started searching alliance but didn't get I want to be relation soon. Please guide me
Ans: It’s completely okay to have taken time figuring out what you wanted in life. Sometimes we don’t move forward simply because we weren’t ready, or we lacked the clarity or emotional support needed at the time. But that doesn't mean you're behind. Everyone’s timeline is different, and yours is still very much unfolding.

Now that you're feeling ready for a serious relationship, here are a few steps you can take to approach this new chapter with confidence and self-awareness.

Start with clarity. Reflect on what kind of partner you're looking for—not just in terms of age or background, but emotionally and mentally. What values matter to you? What kind of connection are you seeking? Are you open to someone who has been married before? Children? When you’re clear, it becomes easier to recognize the right person when they appear.

At the same time, look inward. Do some emotional housekeeping. Ask yourself: What kind of partner do I want to be? Am I emotionally available? Am I still carrying regret, fear, or pressure about being “late” to marriage? Because entering a relationship out of guilt or urgency often leads to settling. But entering it from a place of self-respect and genuine desire creates something meaningful.

Since you're actively searching, it’s okay to use all tools at your disposal—matrimonial sites, family networks, friends, or even a good matchmaker if culturally appropriate. But be patient and realistic. Finding someone who is also ready, aligned with your values, and emotionally compatible can take time.

Also, try not to let pressure—internal or external—rush you. You don’t need a "perfect" partner; you need someone who sees you, respects you, and is willing to grow with you.

And here’s something to hold on to: many people find love in their 40s, 50s, even later—and those relationships are often more conscious, mature, and fulfilling, because they’re built on real-life experience and emotional wisdom, not just youthful impulse.

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Kanchan

Kanchan Rai  |580 Answers  |Ask -

Relationships Expert, Mind Coach - Answered on Apr 17, 2025

Asked by Anonymous - Apr 14, 2025Hindi
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Relationship
I have strict parents. I had a boyfriend for about 5 years, but my parents made me to break up with him because we belonged to different castes. I moved on from it somehow. and now i have another boyfriend (who is of the same caste), and he loves me truly, but now my parents are making me to lose all sort of contact with him and break up, in order to study. this has become a routine now, as soon as they get to know abt me being in a relationship, they make me breakup with the guy. and i am left to chose between the guy and my parents. what do i do?
Ans: From what you’ve shared, this isn’t just a one-time struggle. It’s a pattern where your desires and emotional connections are consistently overruled by parental control. That doesn’t just impact your relationships—it chips away at your autonomy, your confidence in making life decisions, and ultimately, your sense of self.

Let’s take a step back. It sounds like your parents operate from a space of fear, control, or perhaps even cultural conditioning—believing they know what’s “best” for you, even when that means disregarding your emotions. But here’s the truth: you are the one who has to live with the choices made in your life. Not them. You’re not doing something wrong by loving someone. You’re not “disobedient” because you want a say in your own future.

That being said, when you’ve grown up in a strict household, especially where obedience is confused with love, it can be incredibly hard to assert your independence without feeling crushing guilt or fear. But you need to ask yourself: What kind of life will I have if I continue to silence my heart to please others?

This doesn’t mean you need to make a drastic decision right away. But you do need to begin slowly reclaiming your emotional power. Start by asking: do I want to live in a way that makes others comfortable but leaves me emotionally unfulfilled? Or do I want to begin building the courage to live life on my own terms, even if it means disappointing people?

Your education is important, yes—but love and education are not mutually exclusive. Healthy relationships can actually support your growth, help you manage stress, and increase your emotional resilience. If your boyfriend is kind, supportive, and genuinely wants to see you thrive, that’s a blessing, not a burden.

One path you might consider is gradually building emotional boundaries with your parents—not out of rebellion, but from a place of self-respect. That might look like choosing not to share every personal detail with them, or gently but firmly asserting that your relationship is your private choice. It might mean seeking financial or emotional independence so that your choices aren't controlled by fear of what they’ll do or say.

It won’t be easy—but here’s the truth: choosing yourself doesn’t mean you don’t love your parents. It means you also love yourself.

...Read more

DISCLAIMER: The content of this post by the expert is the personal view of the rediffGURU. Investment in securities market are subject to market risks. Read all the related document carefully before investing. The securities quoted are for illustration only and are not recommendatory. Users are advised to pursue the information provided by the rediffGURU only as a source of information and as a point of reference and to rely on their own judgement when making a decision. RediffGURUS is an intermediary as per India's Information Technology Act.

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