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48, Not Working, 80 Lakhs: How to Plan SWP & Grow Principal?

Ramalingam

Ramalingam Kalirajan  |7922 Answers  |Ask -

Mutual Funds, Financial Planning Expert - Answered on Feb 10, 2025

Ramalingam Kalirajan has over 23 years of experience in mutual funds and financial planning.
He has an MBA in finance from the University of Madras and is a certified financial planner.
He is the director and chief financial planner at Holistic Investment, a Chennai-based firm that offers financial planning and wealth management advice.... more
Asked by Anonymous - Feb 10, 2025Hindi
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Greetings, I am 48 yrs old, not working due to health reasons. I have 80 lakhs at the moment. My monthly expenses is approx 50K. How can I plan for SWP and at the same time gain capital appreciation for the principal amount?

Ans: You have Rs. 80 lakh and need Rs. 50,000 monthly. Your goal is to withdraw steadily while growing your capital. A smart mix of debt and equity investments will help.

Split Your Investment for Stability and Growth
Keep Rs. 10 lakh in a Liquid Fund or FD

Acts as an emergency fund
Ensures liquidity for 1.5 years of expenses
Invest Rs. 30 lakh in Debt Mutual Funds

Provides stability and low volatility
Helps generate regular cash flow
Allocate Rs. 40 lakh in Balanced Equity Funds

Offers long-term growth
Helps beat inflation and preserve capital
Systematic Withdrawal Plan (SWP) Strategy
Withdraw Rs. 50,000 monthly from Debt Funds

Ensures steady income
Keeps equity investments untouched for growth
Rebalance Every Year

Shift equity profits to debt
Maintain the withdrawal strategy
Final Insights
This approach balances security and growth
Your corpus will last longer with this strategy
Review your plan annually for adjustments
Best Regards,

K. Ramalingam, MBA, CFP

Chief Financial Planner

www.holisticinvestment.in
https://www.youtube.com/@HolisticInvestment
DISCLAIMER: The content of this post by the expert is the personal view of the rediffGURU. Users are advised to pursue the information provided by the rediffGURU only as a source of information to be as a point of reference and to rely on their own judgement when making a decision.
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Ramalingam

Ramalingam Kalirajan  |7922 Answers  |Ask -

Mutual Funds, Financial Planning Expert - Answered on Jul 16, 2024

Asked by Anonymous - Jul 03, 2024Hindi
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Sir.. I am NRE I want to start SWP plan after 5 years 2030 with 1 cr. If I invest this 5 years stocks or SIP after 5 years that money I have to again invest in SWP in this case I have to pay the Capital gain tax before transfer the money from SIP orstocks. My plan I will start 10 L with SWP plan and every year's I can put 20 L in SWP and after 5 years I can start the with drawal 0.5 %.SWP plan I donot have clear idea. Need expert advaise SWP can I start now and increase my investment in same plan yearly?
Ans: An SWP allows you to withdraw a fixed amount regularly from your investment. This provides a steady income flow while keeping your remaining investment growing.

Investing for 5 Years
You can invest in a mix of equity and debt mutual funds. This balance will provide growth and stability.

Equity Mutual Funds
Invest in large-cap, mid-cap, and small-cap funds. They offer growth potential over five years.

Debt Mutual Funds
These funds are less volatile and provide stability. Consider investing part of your funds here.

Capital Gains Tax
When you sell stocks or mutual funds, you must pay capital gains tax. This applies before you transfer funds to an SWP.

Long-Term Capital Gains (LTCG)
For equity, gains over Rs. 1 lakh are taxed at 10% if held for more than a year. For debt, the tax is 20% with indexation if held for more than three years.

Short-Term Capital Gains (STCG)
For equity, gains are taxed at 15% if held for less than a year. For debt, gains are added to your income and taxed as per your slab.

Starting SWP with Rs. 1 Crore
After five years, you can move Rs. 1 crore into an SWP. Start withdrawing 0.5% monthly.

Example
If you start with Rs. 10 lakhs, withdraw Rs. 50,000 per month. Increase your investment yearly by adding Rs. 20 lakhs.

Increasing Investments Annually
Yes, you can increase your SWP investment yearly. This can help grow your corpus and increase your withdrawal amount over time.

Final Insights
Invest in a balanced mix of equity and debt mutual funds. Understand the capital gains tax implications. Start SWP with Rs. 1 crore and withdraw 0.5% monthly. Increase your investment yearly for a growing income.

Best Regards,

K. Ramalingam, MBA, CFP,

Chief Financial Planner,

www.holisticinvestment.in

..Read more

Ramalingam

Ramalingam Kalirajan  |7922 Answers  |Ask -

Mutual Funds, Financial Planning Expert - Answered on Sep 02, 2024

Money
Sir, I am retired person , I have sufficient saving in equity market and mutual fund , but i need continuous monthly income for that thinking for equity SWP after one year , which scheme in SWP is best on current scenario.
Ans: Sir, I appreciate your proactive approach to managing your post-retirement finances. You have a solid foundation with sufficient savings in the equity market and mutual funds. Now, you are looking for a steady monthly income, which is a prudent move.

Your focus on Systematic Withdrawal Plans (SWP) is wise. SWPs offer regular income while keeping your investments intact, ensuring that you don’t have to liquidate your assets prematurely. This approach can help you manage your retirement expenses smoothly.

Evaluating SWP: A Strategic Approach
Before discussing specific SWP options, it’s important to understand the broader strategy. Your choice of SWP should align with your financial goals, risk tolerance, and market conditions. Let's assess these factors in detail.

Your Financial Goals
Monthly Income: You need a continuous, steady income to cover your living expenses. This income should be inflation-adjusted to maintain your purchasing power over time.

Capital Preservation: While generating income, it's vital to preserve your capital. You want your investments to last throughout your retirement years.

Growth Potential: Though you’re focused on income, growth remains important. A small portion of your portfolio should aim for capital appreciation to counter inflation.

Risk Tolerance
Moderate Risk: At this stage, your risk tolerance should be moderate. You can take some risk for higher returns but must avoid high-risk investments that could erode your capital.

Market Volatility: Given the current market scenario, it's important to select investments that can withstand volatility while still providing a steady income.

Market Conditions
Current Scenario: The market conditions can change rapidly. Therefore, flexibility in your SWP plan is essential. It’s important to choose funds that can adapt to changing market dynamics.
Benefits of Actively Managed Funds
Given your goal of regular income, actively managed funds offer significant advantages over index funds or ETFs. Let’s explore why actively managed funds are more suitable for your needs.

Flexibility and Adaptability
Active Management: Actively managed funds are overseen by professional fund managers. These managers adjust the portfolio based on market conditions, aiming to maximise returns while minimising risk.

Better Downside Protection: During market downturns, actively managed funds can shift to safer assets, protecting your capital better than index funds.

Tailored Strategy
Income Focus: Actively managed funds can focus on generating regular income. They can invest in dividend-paying stocks or interest-bearing bonds, aligning with your need for a continuous income stream.

Customized Risk Management: These funds can be tailored to match your risk tolerance, offering a mix of equity and debt that suits your profile.

Disadvantages of Index Funds and Direct Funds
Let’s also address why index funds or direct mutual funds may not be the best choice for your SWP strategy.

Lack of Flexibility in Index Funds
No Active Management: Index funds simply track a market index and do not offer active management. They cannot adapt to changing market conditions, which can be risky during downturns.

Market-Driven Returns: Your returns are directly tied to market performance. If the market declines, so do your returns, which can affect your SWP income.

Challenges with Direct Funds
Lack of Guidance: Direct funds do not involve the expertise of a Certified Financial Planner (CFP). This means you’re on your own when it comes to selecting and managing your investments.

Inconsistent Performance: Without professional management, the risk of selecting underperforming funds increases. This can impact your overall returns and the sustainability of your SWP.

Choosing the Right SWP: Criteria to Consider
Selecting the right SWP involves more than just picking a scheme. It’s about ensuring that the fund aligns with your financial goals, risk tolerance, and market outlook.

Fund Type and Objective
Balanced Advantage Funds: These funds are designed to balance risk and reward by dynamically adjusting their equity and debt allocations based on market conditions. They offer a good mix of stability and growth potential.

Hybrid Funds: These funds combine equity and debt, providing income through dividends and interest. They are less volatile than pure equity funds and can offer more stable returns for your SWP.

Performance Track Record
Consistency: Look for funds with a consistent performance track record over multiple market cycles. This indicates that the fund management team can navigate different market conditions effectively.

Risk-Adjusted Returns: Focus on funds that offer good risk-adjusted returns. This means they provide higher returns relative to the level of risk they take on.

Expense Ratio and Tax Efficiency
Lower Expense Ratio: Choose funds with a reasonable expense ratio. High expenses can eat into your returns, reducing the effectiveness of your SWP.

Tax Efficiency: Consider the tax implications of your SWP. Long-term capital gains from equity funds are taxed at 10% after Rs 1 lakh. Debt funds offer indexation benefits, making them more tax-efficient for long-term investments.

Setting Up Your SWP: Steps for Implementation
Once you’ve selected the right funds, setting up your SWP involves a few key steps. This ensures that you start receiving your monthly income smoothly.

Determine the Withdrawal Amount
Sustainable Withdrawal: Calculate the withdrawal amount that your portfolio can sustain. With Rs 60 lakhs, a withdrawal rate of 4-5% is generally considered safe. This translates to an SWP of around Rs 20,000 to Rs 25,000 per month initially, adjusting for inflation over time.

Inflation Adjustment: Plan to increase your SWP amount gradually to keep pace with inflation. This ensures that your purchasing power remains intact.

Monitor and Review Regularly
Annual Review: Review your SWP plan annually to ensure it remains aligned with your needs and market conditions. Adjust the withdrawal amount or switch funds if necessary.

Rebalance Portfolio: Rebalance your portfolio periodically to maintain the desired asset allocation. This helps manage risk and optimise returns.

Addressing Common Concerns: A Practical Perspective
It’s natural to have concerns about your SWP strategy. Let’s address some common ones to ensure you feel confident about your plan.

Market Volatility Impact
Short-Term Fluctuations: Market volatility is inevitable, but a well-chosen SWP can withstand short-term fluctuations. Funds with a balanced or hybrid approach provide a cushion during market downturns.

Long-Term Perspective: Keep a long-term perspective. While markets may be volatile in the short term, they generally trend upwards over the long run, supporting the sustainability of your SWP.

Running Out of Money
Sustainable Withdrawal Rate: Sticking to a sustainable withdrawal rate (4-5%) helps ensure that your portfolio lasts throughout your retirement. Avoid withdrawing too much too soon.

Growth Component: Including a growth component in your portfolio helps your capital grow over time, reducing the risk of running out of money.

Final Insights
Sir, setting up an SWP is a smart move for generating a steady monthly income during retirement. It allows you to enjoy the fruits of your investments without liquidating your entire portfolio.

Focus on choosing the right funds, considering actively managed options that align with your goals and risk tolerance. Avoid index funds and direct funds, as they may not offer the flexibility and professional management you need at this stage.

Regularly review and adjust your SWP plan to keep it aligned with your needs and the market conditions. By doing so, you can enjoy a comfortable and worry-free retirement with a reliable income stream.

Best Regards,

K. Ramalingam, MBA, CFP,

Chief Financial Planner,

www.holisticinvestment.in

..Read more

Ramalingam

Ramalingam Kalirajan  |7922 Answers  |Ask -

Mutual Funds, Financial Planning Expert - Answered on Oct 21, 2024

Asked by Anonymous - Oct 19, 2024Hindi
Money
Hi Sir, I am 41 years. I have 50 lakhs cash, i want to do swp this amount to get 70k monthly from march 2025. Could you please suggest me how to proceed in this case?.. Thanks
Ans: You are looking for a solution to generate Rs 70,000 monthly using a Systematic Withdrawal Plan (SWP) from Rs 50 lakhs starting in March 2025. Let's explore a few options that will balance regular income needs with potential growth, all within a safe risk framework. Since you have around 5 months until March 2025, it’s important to plan now.

Below is a comprehensive analysis that will help you achieve your goals.

Understanding Your Objective
You have Rs 50 lakhs to invest.

You need Rs 70,000 monthly starting March 2025.

You are 41 years old, which means you have a long financial horizon and can afford a mix of growth and safety.

Medium risk tolerance.

To ensure the monthly withdrawal of Rs 70,000 doesn’t deplete your capital too quickly, a balanced approach is required. Let's consider mutual fund options suited for a medium-risk profile.

Why a Systematic Withdrawal Plan (SWP)?
SWP allows you to withdraw a fixed amount every month while the rest of your investment continues to grow.

This approach avoids keeping the entire amount in a low-interest product like an FD, where inflation will erode the real value.

With SWP, you also get tax efficiency. Your withdrawals are partially treated as capital gains and partially as a return of capital, reducing the tax burden.

Importance of Asset Allocation
Asset allocation is critical to meeting your monthly income needs without depleting your corpus. In your case, you need:

Regular income to start in March 2025.

Growth potential to ensure the capital lasts long-term.

Here’s how you can structure your allocation:

Equity-Oriented Hybrid Funds (60% allocation): These funds provide a mix of equity and debt exposure. They offer the potential for higher returns while keeping risk in check. Equity exposure ensures long-term growth, while the debt portion provides stability.

Debt-Oriented Hybrid Funds (40% allocation): These funds have a higher debt exposure but still provide some equity exposure for growth. The debt portion ensures regular returns and reduces volatility.

This mix gives you both stability and growth to meet your withdrawal goals.

How to Invest
Step 1: Invest the Lump Sum
Since you need to start the SWP in March 2025, the first thing to do is invest the Rs 50 lakhs. You can split this across equity-oriented and debt-oriented hybrid funds. The reason for hybrid funds is that they are less volatile than pure equity funds but still offer growth potential.

Split the Rs 50 lakhs as:

Rs 30 lakhs in equity-oriented hybrid funds.

Rs 20 lakhs in debt-oriented hybrid funds.

The idea is to get the best of both worlds — growth from equity and stability from debt.

Step 2: Set Up the SWP
By the time you start the SWP in March 2025, your investment will have had a few months to generate some growth. The returns from these funds should help in providing your desired monthly withdrawal without depleting the capital too fast.

You can set up an SWP for Rs 70,000 per month. It’s important to keep an eye on the performance of the funds and adjust your withdrawals if necessary. If the markets are down, withdrawing less can help preserve your capital.

Tax Considerations
It is crucial to be aware of the tax implications of SWP withdrawals.

For Equity Funds: If you hold the funds for more than 12 months, the gains are classified as long-term capital gains (LTCG). Currently, LTCG is taxed at 12.5% on gains exceeding Rs 1.25 lakhs per year. Short-term capital gains (STCG) are taxed at 20%.

For Debt Funds: Any gains made after 3 years are considered long-term and taxed at your income slab. Short-term gains are taxed according to your income tax slab as well.

Since SWP withdrawals are treated as a combination of capital gains and return of principal, the tax impact is usually lower than regular income.

Benefits of Actively Managed Mutual Funds
Actively managed mutual funds can be a better option than index funds or direct funds. Here’s why:

Flexibility: Actively managed funds allow fund managers to change the asset allocation based on market conditions. This means they can reduce risk or enhance growth as needed.

Better Performance: Over time, actively managed funds can outperform index funds, especially in a medium-risk scenario like yours, where the objective is to preserve capital while generating regular income.

Professional Management: Having a Certified Financial Planner managing your funds means you benefit from expert knowledge, which can help in maximizing returns and minimizing risks.

Avoid direct funds, as they do not offer the same personalized support that investing through a CFP-certified MFD offers. This support is crucial when dealing with market fluctuations and planning SWP withdrawals.

Keeping Inflation in Mind
Inflation is a key consideration for a medium to long-term withdrawal plan. A monthly withdrawal of Rs 70,000 in 2025 might not hold the same value after 10 or 15 years due to inflation.

You need to regularly review your withdrawals and possibly increase them every few years to keep pace with inflation. This is where actively managed funds help, as they offer growth potential to combat inflation. You can set up a periodic review with your Certified Financial Planner to adjust your SWP as needed.

Regular Monitoring and Review
Once your SWP starts, regular monitoring of the portfolio is essential. Market conditions, fund performance, and your changing needs must all be taken into account. By working with a Certified Financial Planner, you can ensure that your SWP continues to meet your needs without depleting your capital too quickly.

Set up a 6-monthly or annual review of your investment to check the performance.

Adjust the SWP amount based on the market and personal requirements.

Stay flexible. You can reduce withdrawals if the market is down and increase when it's favorable.

Alternatives if SWP Alone Isn’t Sufficient
If you feel that an SWP alone won’t meet your future financial needs, consider the following options:

Increase the Corpus: Adding to your Rs 50 lakh corpus over time will give you more flexibility and safety. You can invest additional amounts in the same funds and set up a larger SWP in the future.

Dividend Payouts: Some hybrid funds also offer dividend payout options. These dividends can supplement your SWP withdrawals, ensuring you meet the Rs 70,000 target each month.

However, dividends are now taxed as per your income tax slab, so SWP is generally a more tax-efficient option.

Preparing for Market Downturns
Since hybrid funds have exposure to equity, there will be some market volatility. It’s important to mentally prepare for market downturns. Here are a few tips:

Do not panic if the market drops temporarily.

Avoid selling the funds prematurely unless necessary.

Keep a buffer of 3-6 months’ worth of expenses in a safer investment like a liquid fund. This will ensure you do not need to withdraw during market corrections.

Having a buffer also gives your investment time to recover if there’s a short-term dip.

Final Insights
Generating Rs 70,000 per month from Rs 50 lakhs is possible with the right strategy. Using an SWP from a combination of equity and debt-oriented hybrid funds can help you achieve your goal while preserving your capital.

It’s important to stay patient, review your investment regularly, and make adjustments as needed. With active fund management and a Certified Financial Planner guiding you, you will have a clear path to generating a reliable monthly income.

Best Regards,

K. Ramalingam, MBA, CFP,

Chief Financial Planner,

www.holisticinvestment.in

https://www.youtube.com/@HolisticInvestment

..Read more

Milind

Milind Vadjikar  |996 Answers  |Ask -

Insurance, Stocks, MF, PF Expert - Answered on Oct 30, 2024

Asked by Anonymous - Oct 30, 2024Hindi
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Hello Sir, I am 53 years, planned for retirement in 3 years. Have MF investment about 80 lacs, FDs about 20 Lacs, will invest 50 lacs in the coming three years through investment in MF. I don’t have any loan, living in my own home. My current monthly expenditure is Rs 65,000. How can I plan with the above corpus for my retirement so as get monthly payout? Whether to go for SWP - Balanced advantage funds or SWP- Debt funds for my monthly income? Is this correct plan? I will be needing 75,000 per month after my retirement. How much LTCG will I have to pay on 75,000 per month? Will there be any exit load while changing to SWP? What should be my investment strategy? Can you suggest some SWP funds?
Ans: Hello;

If you put your current corpus (1 Cr) in a equity savings type mutual fund with moderate risk(for eg Kotak equity savings fund)then it may grow to 1.3 Cr in 3 years.

Your 50 L additional investments staggered over 3 years in the same fund may yield you a corpus of around 60 L. (Modest return of 9% considered).

If you do SWP at 3% you may expect post tax income of 41.5 K.

Alternately if you buy an annuity from a life insurance company for your corpus then considering 6.5 % annuity rate you may expect post tax income of 77 K.

You can do SWP also at 6.5% rate but you run the risk of eating into your corpus heavily during prolonged drawdowns or sideways movements of the market.

SWP from equity oriented(hybrid) schemes is tax efficient solution for monthly income but it has its own set of risks and other negative aspects.

Ranking preference for retirement income should be as follows:
1. Statutory pension
2. POMIS
3. SCSS (Quarterly income)
4. FDs with big Govt banks
5. Rental income
6. Annuity
7. SWP

SWP is recommended for those who retire early, say in 40s, and also have a big corpus so that minimum SWP rate can meet monthly requirements and corpus can grow atleast to beat inflation for the longer retirement period.

Happy Investing;

..Read more

Latest Questions
Milind

Milind Vadjikar  |996 Answers  |Ask -

Insurance, Stocks, MF, PF Expert - Answered on Feb 10, 2025

Asked by Anonymous - Feb 10, 2025Hindi
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I am 51 single, divorced and have one little sister who is 32. Recently I lost my job, and I am not in the mood to search for a new one. I am in the process of making arrangement to fulfill my monthly needs. I am holding the NPS which has a small corpus of 5 lacs in tier 1 and 45k in tier 2. Now I want to completely exit from the NPS. Now I must compulsorily accept the 20% withdrawal and 80% annuity. I have a few queries below. 1. Should I consider buying 100% annuity. 20% withdrawal does not make sense 2. Should I consider putting 1.5 lacs more to enhance the annuity (The corpus will become 7 lacs approx.). 3. Should I consider taking out the annuity on a yearly basis (Please explain Its pros and cons), since it offers more benefit. 4. Should I consider the Shriram life insurance. 5. Will it be safe to consider Shriram life insurance for life long future annuity. It offers the highest annuity. 6. Should I consider Annuity for Life with ROP - Subscriber will get annuity for lifetime and on death of the Subscriber, payment of annuity ceases & 100% of the purchase price will be returned to the nominee(s). The annual offer is 49,063.00 (7.01%) 7. Should I consider Annuity for Life without ROP - Subscriber will get annuity for lifetime and on death of the Subscriber, payment of annuity ceases, and no further amount will be payable. The annual offer is 58,112.00 (8.30%)
Ans: Hello;

Point wise answers to your queries as given below:

1. Yes.
2. Yes.
3. If you do monthly annuity the rate will be lower but you get monthly payouts. In yearly the rate will higher but only one shot payment per year so it depends on your preference.

4. Cannot comment on suitability of xyz firm.

5. Consider an insurer which has good capital adequacy, growing profitable business, preferably listed, reputation of the owner/group apart from decent annuity rates on offer.

6 & 7. My suggestion would be to opt for annuity for life with ROP to your nominee. Ultimately it is your call.

Please have adequate healthcare insurance cover.

Best wishes;

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Milind Vadjikar  |996 Answers  |Ask -

Insurance, Stocks, MF, PF Expert - Answered on Feb 10, 2025

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I graduated with a BBA in 2022, and since then, I’ve been on a thrilling two-year adventure at an MNC. But guess what? I decided to resign in March 2024 because, you know, who doesn’t love a little drama at work? Now, I’ve managed to burn through all my hard-earned savings like a pro, and here I am, utterly confused about my future. Sometimes I think about leaving India—maybe for studies or just to escape and do some mindless job somewhere. Other times, I dream of retreating to the most remote corner of India and living off the grid. I’ve always been pretty good with technology, snagged a degree, and even racked up some work experience. But now? I’m completely lost on where to start over. I’ve scoured countless articles and advice columns, but they’ve been about as helpful as a chocolate teapot. I’m just looking for that life-changing advice that seems to be in short supply. Turning 24 this year!
Ans: Hello Manan,
My simple advice to you would be to get back to some job while you can continue to ponder over your long term goals/passion/pursuits.
Sitting idle (with no funds) at home won't help & it is not going to do any good to your career/life plans.
Simultaneously you can continue to do introspection & chalk out a proper plan as far your larger life goals are concerned.
Say you earnestly wish to pursue higher studies than you need to get yourself these answers 1) Why you need a higher degree in first place ? 2) Will it help you to get job/career of your choice? 3) If yes, then shortlist some relevant good courses & start exploring admit process etc. 4) Meanwhile do account for funds that will help you to time your break from the job (savings, loans etc.)
Likewise ask yourself questions for each option you have in mind & be honest in responses, that will help you to zero on your real aspiration & then do the proper detailing/planning. This may entail some compromises in short term but will certainly pave your way to achieve long term goals.

Best of Luck!

Major Inderpaul
HR Expert, Life & Relationship Coach

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Tech Careers and Skill Development Expert - Answered on Feb 10, 2025

Asked by Anonymous - Feb 10, 2025Hindi
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Career
Hello dear sir, I gave the 12th state board exam in 2024. I have given jee main three attempts I haven't given jee advanced exam yet . I have got less percentage in 12th , So will I have two more attempts for JEE Advanced? after doing 12th from state board and CBSE board?
Ans: Your question is not clear to me. Yes you can give JEE exam three times.

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Ravi

Ravi Mittal  |526 Answers  |Ask -

Dating, Relationships Expert - Answered on Feb 10, 2025

Asked by Anonymous - Feb 08, 2025
Relationship
Me and my girlfriend we both are in relationship from about last 2 years (almost). After such a long time I got to know that she had 2 relationships before me that too she didn't told I got to know it by third person she was sexually involved too (not intercourse but yes other things with one of them)... When I asked her that why you didn't told anything to me before she said she was scared that if she'll tell it to me so I'll leave her and she really did not wanted that... She was scared to loose me. And she was still in contact with that guy and when I asked her that why you were still in contact with him (it's been around 3 years they got separated) so she says that she is like that only... She can't deny anyone because of her soft hearted nature but she did not had any feelings for him. She also said that once she even went to meet him when he requested to meet and also on the same she claims that her soft hearted nature has done that she wasn't able to deny. I loved her too much but now all these things are hurting me like anything. (She is my first relationship before her i never had anyone)
Ans: Dear Anonymous,
I understand that you are hurt and the complexities of the hearts might be difficult sometimes to grasp. The first reason for your sorrow, her past relationship, and the fact that she was physically intimate with them is not completely justifiable. Though I understand that you feel hurt because she did not disclose it to you, still it should not matter so much as to ruin your present relationship. And whether she will open up about such sensitive details is actually up to her. It has nothing to do with how much she loves you or trusts you. Please understand that.

Now coming to the next thing, the fact that she is still in touch with them and has even met one of them, that is slightly concerning. It would have been okay if she did that openly- please understand that I am not saying she should have asked for your permission, but rather discuss the same with you. Moreover, in a relationship, it is also important to understand how much your partner is comfortable with- goes for both men and women. If you are uncomfortable with her relationship with her exes, she should consider that. I would have said the same if the table was turned. I suggest you have a clear conversation with her and express how you feel about this situation- depending on how she reacts and how the conversation goes, you both can think about the next step.

Hope this helps.

...Read more

DISCLAIMER: The content of this post by the expert is the personal view of the rediffGURU. Investment in securities market are subject to market risks. Read all the related document carefully before investing. The securities quoted are for illustration only and are not recommendatory. Users are advised to pursue the information provided by the rediffGURU only as a source of information and as a point of reference and to rely on their own judgement when making a decision. RediffGURUS is an intermediary as per India's Information Technology Act.

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