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Milind

Milind Vadjikar  | Answer  |Ask -

Insurance, Stocks, MF, PF Expert - Answered on Sep 23, 2024

Milind Vadjikar is an independent MF distributor registered with Association of Mutual Funds in India (AMFI) and a retirement financial planning advisor registered with Pension Fund Regulatory and Development Authority (PFRDA).
He has a mechanical engineering degree from Government Engineering College, Sambhajinagar, and an MBA in international business from the Symbiosis Institute of Business Management, Pune.
With over 16 years of experience in stock investments, and over six year experience in investment guidance and support, he believes that balanced asset allocation and goal-focused disciplined investing is the key to achieving investor goals.... more
Asked by Anonymous - Sep 23, 2024Hindi
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Sir, I am 46, I am looking for advice, i have some where 20 funds of 60L portfolio. But i am currently looking at overlap of funds and wanted to balance it out may be bring it to 10 to 13 funds. So i am listing some of the funds from long term perspective, which is 5 to 10 years . Please let me know if those funds are good or any change required from overall portfolio. I will be spending 10 to 15% on ICICI Bluechip fund , removing hdfc 50 index + Canara rebeco Bluechip due to overlap of 54%.22.5% on Midcap - HDFC Midcap oppurtunities and Motilal oswal midcap fund and i no more be investing on SBI Maganum midcap fund and removing PGIM Midcap fund as star rating 1 and majorly star rating 4/5. I am also planinng to add Debt fund of 15% ( New investment to balance portfolio, Gsec 2036 bond, let me know if any thing which can give more than 8 %) for next 5 to 8 years. Also atleast i am expecting my portfolio to generate > 15% to 20% return. My stratergy , I see all overlap of stocks is between 9-14% . whichever has more than 30% overlap reducing it. I am looking at horizon of 5 to 10 years. I will continue doing sip of 1 lakh per month may be increasing by 5% every year for next 7 years. I am already having 60L portfolio and planning to increase 1 crore by mid of next year. Reason i am asking now is in future i dont want do major rebalance MF. i would like to sustain the model so that i get return consistantly. Please guide me on my stratergy and plan. If any changes in the portfolio. After sip stop i will start the SWP withdrwal of 4 to 5%. I am looking for generating 4 to 5 crores in next 7 to 10 years. Let me know how i can reach the goal.

Ans: You have a prudent and highly admirable approach to optimize number of funds in your portfolio eliminating excess overlap and below par performance.

ICICI Pru Bluechip, HDFC Mid-Cap opportunities and Motilal Oswal Midcap Funds are good funds in their category so no need to change.

Also your choice of nifty gsec 2036 fund(hdfc/Nippon) to balance your portfolio asset allocation looks apt.

My only slight concern is your return expectation. We should follow the principle of 'hope for the best and be prepared for the worst'.

Considering your lumpsum and sip amounts, reaching target of 4-5 Cr in 7 years even with top-up appears challenging.

However if you stick to top end of your time horizon i.e. 10 years, corpus target looks comfortably achievable even without top-up.
(Modest return of 13% assumed)

As you get closer to your target, transfer your gains to liquid or ultra short duration debt funds to protect it from volatility.

*Investments in mutual funds are subject to market risks. Please read all scheme related documents carefully before investing

You may follow us on X at @mars_invest for updates

Happy Investing!!
DISCLAIMER: The content of this post by the expert is the personal view of the rediffGURU. Users are advised to pursue the information provided by the rediffGURU only as a source of information to be as a point of reference and to rely on their own judgement when making a decision.
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Omkeshwar

Omkeshwar Singh  | Answer  |Ask -

Head, Rank MF - Answered on Mar 17, 2020

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I am Binoy working in UAE as a sales executive age 39. From kochin, Kerala. May I kindly get some advice for my mutual funds portfolio? I am doing below mutual funds SIP direct growth. & I stopped some SIPs and hold the funds. Now I am doing 96k SIP. Need to start & continue total 1 lakh SIP for the next 8 to 10 years. Now current total SIP value is around 27 lakhs. This SIP s are for my retirement monthly income 30 to 35k (all are current value) after 10 years, and for my 2 children’s education 35 lakhs lumpsum after 10 & 15 years respectively. I am thinking to stop ICICI pru blue chip & Birla frontline equity and to start Mirae large cap & one more Multi cap fund. I am moderate to little aggressive risk taker. What are the changes required? Should I hold the stopped funds or I need to redeem and deposit it to another funds? if to do so, in which funds I need to invest this lumpsum amounts? Please advise me for the necessary changes required to make a good portfolio to invest for the next 8-10 years. Looking forward to get your reply positively.  Fund name Catgory Star Rating Binoy Nair     LARGE CAPS & HYBRID     AXIS BLUE CHIP EQUITY Equity - Large Cap Funds: 5 ICICI BLUE CHIP EQUITY Equity - Thematic Funds: - Global 4 BIRLA FRONTLINE EQTY Equity - Large Cap Funds: 3 ICICI PRU DEBT& EQUITY Hybrid - Aggressive Hybrid Fund 3 MULTI CAPS     KOTAK STANDARD MULTCAP Equity - Multi Cap Funds: 3 AXIS MULTICAP Equity - Multi Cap Funds: 5 AXIS FOCUSED 25 Equity - Focused Funds: 5 Franklin India Focused Equity Equity - Focused Funds: 2 MIDCAP, LARGE & MIDCAP     AXIS MIDCAP Equity - Mid Cap Funds: 3 HDFC MIDCAP Equity - Mid Cap Funds: 2 MIRAE ASSET EMERGING BLUECHIP EQUITY Equity - Large & Mid Cap Fund 4 STOPPED SIPs     FRANKLIN SMALLER COMPANIES Equity - Small cap Fund 2 BIRLA FOCUSED EQUITY Equity - Focused Funds: 4 HDFC HYBRID EQUITY Hybrid - Aggressive Hybrid Fund 4
Ans: You may continue with the 5 & 4 rated funds; however for others better alternative is available

Equity - Large Cap Funds:

- LIC MF Large Cap Fund-Regular Plan-Growth

- Axis Bluechip Fund - Regular Plan - Growth

- Kotak Bluechip Fund - Growth

- Mirae Asset Large Cap Fund - Growth Plan

Equity - Mid Cap Funds:

- Motilal Oswal Midcap 30 Fund (MOF30)-Regular Plan-Growth Option

- DSP Midcap Fund - Regular Plan - Growth

Equity - Value Funds:Tata Equity P/E Fund Regular Plan -(Growth Option)

Equity - Focused Funds:

- Axis Focused 25 Fund - Regular Plan - Growth Option

- Motilal Oswal Focused 25 Fund (MOF25)- Regular Plan Growth Option

Equity - Large & Mid Cap Fund

- BOI AXA Large & Mid Cap Equity Fund Regular Plan- Growth

- Canara Robeco Emerging Equities - Regular Plan - GROWTH

- Tata Large & Mid Cap Fund- Regular Plan - Growth

Hybrid - Aggressive Hybrid Fund

- Axis Equity Hybrid Fund - Regular Plan Growth

- Dsp Equity And Bond Fund - Growth

- Motilal Oswal Equity Hybrid Fund-regular Plan Growth

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Naveenn

Naveenn Kummar  |236 Answers  |Ask -

Financial Planner, MF, Insurance Expert - Answered on Sep 04, 2025

Asked by Anonymous - Aug 12, 2025
Money
Good Afternoon Sir I am Anand from Delhi.I am a 37 yrs old Central Govt Salaried Person. I am looking for long term investment and a goal of 10 crores in 15 years. I am contributing 20000 per month in provident fund and 60000 per month in MF through SIP and have planned for 10 percent step up.I have started investing from 2023 and have approx 7 lakhs in PF and 6 lakhs MF portfolio. Please review my portfolio and also suggest deletions you it as I feel I have too many funds.I am planning to stop my SIP in Kotak Multi Cap Fund and do it instead in Parag Parikh Flexi Cap and Motillal Midacp fund. Please suggest. My portfolio is as under. 1. Nifty 50 Index10000 2. Parag Parikh Flexicap10000 3. Motilal Midcap10000 4. Edelweiss Aggressive Hybrid Fund7000 5. Nippon Small Cap5000 6. Quant Small Cap5000 7. SBI Contra5000 8. Motilal MicroCap2000 9. ICICI Pru Gold ETF2000 10. Motilal NASDAQ ETF4000
Ans: Good Evening Anand Ji,

Thank you for sharing your detailed portfolio. At age 37, with a goal of ?10 crores in 15 years, you are on the right track — your current SIP of ?60,000/month + 10% step-up along with PF contribution can help you reach this corpus, provided you stay disciplined.

???? Current Portfolio (monthly SIP):

Nifty 50 Index – ?10,000

Parag Parikh Flexicap – ?10,000

Motilal Midcap – ?10,000

Edelweiss Aggressive Hybrid – ?7,000

Nippon Small Cap – ?5,000

Quant Small Cap – ?5,000

SBI Contra – ?5,000

Motilal MicroCap – ?2,000

ICICI Pru Gold ETF – ?2,000

Motilal NASDAQ ETF – ?4,000

Observations:

Too many funds (10 in total) → causes overlap, doesn’t improve returns.

Overexposure to small-cap (Nippon, Quant, Motilal MicroCap) → higher risk. Keep small-cap allocation ≤20%.

Edelweiss Aggressive Hybrid is not necessary if you already have equity + PF exposure.

Contra funds are thematic — not core holdings.

NASDAQ ETF adds global exposure but keep to

..Read more

Ramalingam

Ramalingam Kalirajan  |10902 Answers  |Ask -

Mutual Funds, Financial Planning Expert - Answered on Sep 16, 2025

Asked by Anonymous - Sep 15, 2025Hindi
Money
Please review my current mutual fund portfolio my aim is another 24 years i am 36 now started one year back most my i know too many funds. so i want to keep it to 4 to 5 funds and increase money in same. 1 SBi Focused regular 4k sip (started with 2k in 2023 increased 1k in 24 and 25) -- planning to continue 2 ppfas flexi cap 3k sip(started in mar 2024) -- continue 3 nippon small cap 3k sip (strated i june 2024) -- continue 4 mirae asset elss 2k sip(started in mar 2024) -- stop once reach 1 lakh current around 58k invested 5 zerodha nifty 250 large-mid 2k sip ( started from jun 2024) -- stop once reach 1 lakh current around 36k invested 6 hsbc multi cap 2k sip ( started from dec 2024) stop once reach 1 lakh current around 24k invested 7 motilal oswal 500 momentum 50 2k sip( started from oct 2024) -- continue 8 motilal oswal mid cap 2k sip (stated from july 2025) -- continue please give us your insights if i need to add one mid/small more or continue exist?
Ans: You have done well to start early at age 36.
A 24-year horizon gives you a powerful advantage.
You also seem clear in your intent to consolidate.
Too many funds create overlap and confusion.
Your step to reduce and focus is absolutely right.

» Reviewing Your Existing Portfolio

– You currently hold 8 different mutual funds.
– Some are for short goals (ELSS, HSBC, Zerodha).
– Others are long-term growth funds (Focused, Flexi, Small, Mid, Momentum).
– Your SIP commitment shows great discipline.
– Let us go through each one and evaluate.

» SBI Focused Fund – Continue

– This is a focused equity fund.
– A good long-term holding for wealth creation.
– Fund size and management are stable.
– You already increased SIP gradually.
– Continue and increase gradually with income growth.
– Avoid replacing this. It adds quality.

» PPFAS Flexi Cap – Continue

– One of the most consistent flexi-cap funds.
– Balanced risk and global exposure strategy.
– It fits long-term goals well.
– Fund manager is known for stability.
– You started recently. Give it time.
– Continue without changes. Increase SIP steadily.

» Nippon Small Cap – Continue

– Small caps bring growth but higher volatility.
– You are young. You can handle this.
– Don't go overboard with small-cap exposure.
– Keep this as your only small-cap fund.
– Avoid adding more in this category.
– Continue but cap exposure below 20% total.

» Mirae Asset ELSS – Stop After Rs.1L

– ELSS is mainly for tax saving.
– Once Rs.1 lakh 80C is done, no need.
– Keep it only if you lack 80C coverage.
– Else, stop after your Rs.1 lakh investment.
– No long-term need to retain it.
– Shorter lock-in makes it manageable.

» Zerodha Nifty 250 – Stop After Rs.1L

– This is an index fund.
– Index funds blindly copy market index.
– No fund manager input. No downside protection.
– Returns are average, not exceptional.
– Active funds give better value with skill.
– Stop at Rs.1 lakh as planned.
– Avoid further investment in index options.

» HSBC Multi Cap – Stop After Rs.1L

– Multi-cap is already covered via flexi cap.
– Also, Focused Fund gives good diversification.
– No need for overlap through this fund.
– Performance and consistency are also average.
– Stop SIP after reaching Rs.1 lakh.
– Do not increase this one further.

» Motilal Oswal 500 Momentum 50 – Continue

– This is a thematic strategy-driven fund.
– Momentum funds are volatile but can outperform.
– Keep exposure moderate, not more than 15%.
– Track performance closely every 2 years.
– Continue for now, but with caution.
– Increase SIP only if performance justifies it.

» Motilal Oswal Mid Cap – Continue

– Mid-cap is a must in long-term portfolio.
– Gives strong growth potential with some risk.
– Stick to only one mid-cap fund.
– You started recently, give it time.
– Continue and increase SIP slowly over years.

» Ideal Fund Count for You

– Keep only 4 or 5 mutual funds.
– This keeps your tracking easy and efficient.
– More funds create duplication and stress.
– Your long-term portfolio can be:

1 Focused Equity Fund

1 Flexi Cap Fund

1 Mid Cap Fund

1 Small Cap Fund

1 Thematic Fund (optional - Momentum)

– This keeps it clean and balanced.

» Recommended Action Plan Now

– Continue SBI Focused, PPFAS Flexi Cap, Nippon Small Cap.
– Continue Motilal Oswal Mid Cap and Momentum 500.
– Stop SIP in ELSS after Rs.1 lakh is reached.
– Stop Zerodha index fund after Rs.1 lakh is reached.
– Stop HSBC Multi Cap after Rs.1 lakh is reached.
– Increase SIPs in Focused, Flexi, Mid gradually.
– Keep total SIP in Small and Momentum limited.
– Let core SIPs go into Focused and Flexi Cap.

» Asset Allocation Tips

– Equity should be 80% or more at your age.
– Within equity, use this breakdown:

40% – Flexi + Focused (core funds)

25% – Mid Cap

15% – Small Cap

10% – Momentum

10% – Others (short-term goals, ELSS if needed)

– This keeps your portfolio aggressive but smart.

» Avoid Direct Plans – Stick with Regular Funds

– Direct plans save commission but offer no guidance.
– Mistakes in selection and timing are costly.
– Regular funds through a Certified Financial Planner help.
– You get human support, behaviour control and reviews.
– Good advice adds more value than saved fee.

» Don’t Add More Funds Now

– You already hold enough categories.
– Adding one more mid/small-cap fund is unnecessary.
– Instead, increase SIP in existing mid/small-cap fund.
– This keeps focus and improves compounding effect.
– Less clutter. More growth.

» Don’t Replace Core Funds

– Don’t shift from Focused or Flexi Cap funds.
– They are long-term wealth creators.
– Allow them time to show results.
– Avoid jumping to new trendy funds.

» Monitor SIPs Annually

– Review once in a year.
– Check returns against benchmarks and peers.
– Don’t panic with short-term underperformance.
– See 3 to 5 year consistency.
– Only then decide to switch or increase.

» Understand Tax Impact Clearly

– For equity MFs, LTCG above Rs.1.25 lakh taxed at 12.5%.
– STCG (below 1 year) taxed at 20%.
– Avoid frequent redemptions to save tax.
– Let funds grow for 10+ years.
– ELSS lock-in is 3 years but stay longer.
– Plan redemptions smartly after year 20.

» Insurance Must Be Separate

– Don't mix investment and insurance.
– Buy a pure term insurance plan separately.
– Don’t buy ULIPs or endowment policies.
– If you hold them, surrender and move to MFs.
– Insurance is for protection, not returns.

» Build Emergency Fund Separately

– Keep 6 months of expenses in a liquid fund.
– Don’t use equity mutual funds for emergencies.
– This protects SIPs during tough times.
– Helps you avoid stopping or redeeming in panic.

» Use a Certified Financial Planner

– A professional adds structure to your goals.
– They keep your asset mix balanced.
– They stop you from making emotional decisions.
– Use one to guide you for 24 years.
– Long-term plans need expert review and tracking.

» Finally

– You have started very well.
– You show great clarity and intent.
– Just reduce the clutter now.
– Focus only on 4 to 5 good funds.
– Gradually increase SIPs in your top 3.
– Don’t add new funds for now.
– Monitor and review once each year.
– Let compounding do its job slowly.
– Follow discipline, patience and planning.
– Stay invested for full 24 years.

Best Regards,
K. Ramalingam, MBA, CFP,
Chief Financial Planner,
www.holisticinvestment.in

https://www.youtube.com/@HolisticInvestment

..Read more

Latest Questions
Reetika

Reetika Sharma  |432 Answers  |Ask -

Financial Planner, MF and Insurance Expert - Answered on Dec 18, 2025

Asked by Anonymous - Dec 16, 2025Hindi
Money
Hello Reetika Mam, I am 48 year having privet Job. I have started investment from 2017, current value of investment is 82L and having monthly 50K SIP as below. My goal to have 2.5Cr corpus at the age of 58. Please advice... 1. Nippon India small cap -Growth Rs 5,000 2. Sundaram Mid Cap fund Regular plan-Growth Rs 5,000 3. ICICI Prudential Small Cap- Growth Rs 10,000 4. ICICI Prudential Large Cap fund-Growth Rs 5,000 5. ICICI Prudential Balanced Adv. fund-Growth Rs 5,000 6. DSP Small Cap fund Regular Growth Rs 5,000 7. Nippn India Pharma Fund- Growth Rs 5,000 8. SBI focused Fund Regular plan- Growth Rs 5,000 9. SBI Dynamic Asset Allocation Active FoF-Regular-Growth Rs 5,000
Ans: Hi,

You can easily achieve your goal of 2.5 crores after 10 years. Your current investment value of 82 lakhs alone can grow to 2.5 crores assuming CAGR of 12% and monthly 50k SIP will give additional 1.1 crores, making a total corpus of 3.6 crores at 58.

But I see a problem with your current allocation. The fund selection is more aligned towards small caps of different AMCs and very concentrated and overlapped portfolio.
You need to diversify it so as to secure your current investment while getting a decent CAGR of 12% over next 10 years.
Focus on changing your current funds to large caps and BAFs and flexicaps and avoid sectoral funds.

You can also work with an advisor to get detailed analysis of your portfolio.
Hence you should consult a professional Certified Financial Planner - a CFP who can guide you with exact funds to invest in keeping in mind your age, requirements, financial goals and risk profile. A CFP periodically reviews your portfolio and suggest any amendments to be made, if required.

Let me know if you need more help.

Best Regards,
Reetika Sharma, Certified Financial Planner
https://www.instagram.com/cfpreetika/

...Read more

Reetika

Reetika Sharma  |432 Answers  |Ask -

Financial Planner, MF and Insurance Expert - Answered on Dec 18, 2025

Money
Hi, I am 32 years old, married, and have a 4-year-old daughter. My monthly take-home salary is 55,000 rupees, and my wife's salary is 31,000 rupees, making our total income 86,000 rupees. I am currently in a lot of debt. Our total EMIs amount to 99,910 rupees (total loans with an average interest rate of 12.5%), and even with my father covering most of the monthly expenses, I still spend about 10,000 rupees. This leaves me with a shortage of approximately 25,000 rupees (debt) every month. My total debt across various banks is 36,50,000 rupees, and I also have a gold loan of 14 lakhs. I cannot change the EMI or loan tenure for another year. I also have a 2 lakh rupee loan from private lenders at an 18% interest rate. My total debt is over 52 lakhs. Now, with gold and silver prices rising, I'm worried that I won't be able to buy them again. I have an opportunity to get a 2 lakh rupee loan at a 12% interest rate, and I'm thinking of using that money to buy gold and silver and then pledge them at the bank again. Half of my current gold loan is from a similar situation – I took a loan from private lenders, bought gold, and then took a gold loan from the bank to repay the private loan. Given my current situation and my family's circumstances, should I buy more gold or focus on repaying my debts? What should I do? The monthly interest on my loans is approximately 50,000 rupees, meaning 50,000 rupees of my salary goes towards interest every month. What should I do in this situation? I also have an SBI Jan Nivesh SIP of 2000 rupees per month for the last four months. I have no savings left. I am thinking of taking out term insurance and health insurance, but I am hesitating because I don't have the money. I am looking for some suggestions to get out of these debts.
Ans: Hi Surya,

You are in a very complicated situation. This whole debt trapped needs to be worked on very judiciously. Let us go through all the aspects in detail.

1. Your total monthly household salary - 86000; monthly expense - 10000 contribution as of now; monthly EMI - approx. 1 lakhs.
2. Current loans - 36.5 lakhs from various banks at 12.5%; Gold Loan - 14 lakhs; private lenders - 2 lakhs at 18% >> totalling to 52 lakhs.
3. 50k interest per month payable - implies capital payment is very less leading to more problem.

- Keen on buying gold with loan. This is where more problem will began. Avoid buying gold using loan.
- Your focus should be on reducing your debt instead of increasing it.

Strategy to follow:
1. Close the loan with higher interest rate - 2 lakh personal lender. This will reduce your EMI and give you more potential to prepay other loans.
2. Try and take financial help from your family in prepaying small loans from banks. This can reduce your burden.
3. If you have any unused assets, can sell them to pay off your loans.

Points to NOTE:
> Avoid taking any more loans.
> When your EMI burden reduces, do make an emergency fund of 2-3 lakhs for yourself for any uncetain situation.
> Make sure to have a health insurance for yourself and family.
> Can stop your investments for now. They are of no use if your EMIs are more than your income. Can start investing once your EMI's reduce atleast by 20-30% for you.

Let me know if you need more help.

Best Regards,
Reetika Sharma, Certified Financial Planner
https://www.instagram.com/cfpreetika/

...Read more

Reetika

Reetika Sharma  |432 Answers  |Ask -

Financial Planner, MF and Insurance Expert - Answered on Dec 18, 2025

Money
Hello Sir ; I am 55 years old & have decided to retire by end of 2025 . My wife is in teaching profession , earns appx. 3.5 L / annum & will continue her service till 2037( @60 yrs. of age ) . My only child is an intellectually disabled person ( with Autism ) , 14 years of age & will be incapable to earn . As on date , I have 60 L in MF , going to sell a property by end of this year @ 41 L ( it is fixed ) , appx 5L in Bank & postal FD . My wife have 45L in MF as on date & 3 fully paid premium ULIP policy which will be matured by 2030. She can get appx. 25 L from there . This is by and large my family financial status . Now , my queries to you that with this corpus , how we manage our ( myself & wife’s ) livelihood & most important that to manage a continuous cash flow for my disabled child till his age 65 i.e. 50 years from now . Primarily , I have thought of SWP & MIS schemes to get regular income for th retirement . My present family expense is appx. 1L per month . Therefore , I do seek your expert advice in this regards . I will be highly obliged if you kindly address to my query . thanking you , with best regards ; Suprabhat Jatty.
Ans: Hi Suprabhat,

Let us analyse all things in detail - one at a time.
1. 5L in Bank and FD - this is your emergency fund. But if there is a lock-in on the postal FD, you need atleast 5 lakhs in bank FD as your emergency fund.
2. Health Insurance - it is the prime requirement for you and your family. You should have one covering you, your spouse as well as your kid. It will help you in uncertain health conditions of youself and family.
3. ULIP Policy - Usually policies like such are not beneficial. But these are all paid-up, good point here. Whenever you get this, try to invest it in equity and hybrid mutual funds.
4. You will get 41 lakhs from property selling. Invest the entire amount in mutual funds, a mix of equity and debt funds.
5. Cumulative MF portfolio = 1.05 crores. As the entire corpus is huge, take the advice of a proper advisor on managing your overall investments and portfolio. A guided investment always generates better result than a random portfolio.

Your annual needs - 12 lakhs; Wife will earn - 3.5 lakhs till 2037. You need additional 8.5 lakhs per year to manage your expenses.
- You can initiate a SWP from your overall savings after allocating it in correct funds with the help of advisor.
- You need to have a dedicated corpus for your son's need in your absence. Atleast 50-70 lakhs should be kept solely for your son.
- The overall corpus seems insufficient to meet your requirements for now. You can either postpone your retirement and create an additional savings corpus for your future and son. Or you may consider to work on your monthly budget.

Do work with a professional advisor to guide you with exact funds to meet your desired goals.
Hence consult a professional Certified Financial Planner - a CFP who can guide you with exact funds to invest in keeping in mind your age, requirements, financial goals and risk profile. A CFP periodically reviews your portfolio and suggest any amendments to be made, if required.

Let me know if you need more help.

Best Regards,
Reetika Sharma, Certified Financial Planner
https://www.instagram.com/cfpreetika/

...Read more

Kanchan

Kanchan Rai  |648 Answers  |Ask -

Relationships Expert, Mind Coach - Answered on Dec 18, 2025

Asked by Anonymous - Dec 17, 2025Hindi
Relationship
I am 43 years old married man, arranged marriage. Married for past 13 years with 4 kids (aged 2, 3, 10 and 13). I work abroad with good salary package and live with my family. My wife is MSc. and home maker. She teaches the kids and cooks and takes good care of kids. I am academic research scholar. From the start of our marriage, I noticed my wife does not open much and moderate religious person. I am also not very extrovert person. I work from 8 am to 5 pm in office which is walkable distance from my house. After coming from office, I help her in kichen daily, look after the kids, help kids in math, clean the house, put the yougest kid to sleep, then I get some 'me' time which happens only after 11:30 pm in the night. I dont use phone untill everybody is sleep or my kids dont allow me to use phone while i am playing with them. Now sometimes I feel we are just room mates with 1-2 times sex in a month. In terms of love with my wife, I initiate all the time, she never expresses love. I am not very possessive kind of person. She does not show any interest in my work and never ask me hows my day etc. She only smiles and rarely laught. I thought may be it will improve with time. There is no money issue, she buys what ever she likes. She has her own card and I provide extra money if she asks. I assumed may be she does not like me from the beginning but staying in marriage due to family pressure and kids. I am average looking person and dont accept everything what she says in terms of investment, holiday etc. I had accepted my fate. She started doing book writing and publishing online and now earning and keeping separate account, She is very excited about it and feels happy and shares with me the publication but not the earnings. I give suggestions and money what ever she asks for marketting and promotion etc. I am happy for her. Recently I came across an email in her phone which was from her ex. There was a long deleted chat, in summary they were madly in love but could not get married, i dont know the reason or even she never spoke about him. they kept chatting even after our marriage. Her ex got married and divorsed with one grownup kid. He is single and work abroad in a different country with good salary package (may be better than mine). She emailed him after long time I guess but now she is secretly chatting with him very often. she keeps her phone locked and deletes the chats. He is also interested and asking her to leave and marry him. She is not saying yes to him but regrets that she married me. At this point I dont know if I should talk to her regarding this but she will definitely be upset to know i checked her phone. Few years back we had a major fight (that time i didnot know about her ex), i had proposed for divorse and settle it mutually if she is not happy with me but she denied and stayed. I dont know what I should do to make her happy. we both are from very respected family in the society and I dont know if her parents knew about her affair. Even though she is chatting with him but she behaves very normal with me, no fight no argument, as if nothing is happening. I dont know whats in her mind, is she just casually chatting with him or buying time, waiting for the right moment to leave? Shall I file for divorse or accept my fate as room mates. Am I worrying too much?
Ans: First, let me say this clearly: you are not worrying “too much.” Your concerns are valid. When emotional connection, affection, and curiosity about each other’s inner worlds are absent for years, and when secrecy enters the relationship, it naturally shakes trust. The fact that she is emotionally engaging with a past love, hiding communication, and expressing regret about marrying you — even if not directly to your face — is not a small or harmless thing. It doesn’t automatically mean she will leave, but it does mean there is unresolved emotional business that cannot be ignored.
At the same time, it’s important not to jump straight to extremes like divorce or silent resignation. Right now, the most important thing is clarity — for you and for her. Living as silent roommates while carrying this knowledge will slowly erode your self-worth and peace of mind. You deserve honesty, and your marriage deserves a chance to be examined truthfully, not just maintained for appearances, family reputation, or routine.
If you choose to speak to her, the way you approach it will matter far more than the fact that you looked at her phone. Try not to lead with accusation or surveillance. Lead with your emotional reality. You can say something like: you’ve been feeling emotionally distant for a long time, you feel you’re always the one initiating closeness, and recently you’ve felt even more unsettled and insecure about where you stand in her life. You don’t need to reveal every detail of what you saw immediately; the goal is to open a conversation about emotional honesty, not to trap her in a confession.
Pay close attention to how she responds. Not defensiveness alone, but whether she shows willingness to reflect, to talk about her inner world, and to consider rebuilding emotional intimacy with you. A marriage can sometimes be repaired even after emotional betrayal — but only if both partners are willing to be transparent and actively work on reconnecting. If she avoids the conversation, minimizes your feelings, or continues secrecy, then you will have important information about where the marriage truly stands.
It’s also worth acknowledging something gently but honestly: your wife may have spent years emotionally closed not because of you alone, but because she never fully processed the loss of that earlier relationship. Her recent independence and success may have stirred unresolved emotions and old longings. That explains her behavior, but it does not justify secrecy or emotional infidelity. Understanding this can help you speak with compassion without sacrificing your boundaries.
Before making any legal decisions, I strongly encourage you to consider couples counseling, ideally with someone experienced in long-term marriages and emotional affairs. A neutral space can help both of you speak truths that feel too risky at home. It will also help you understand whether she wants to stay and rebuild, or whether she is emotionally preparing to leave.
As for “accepting your fate,” I want to be very clear: accepting a life where you feel invisible, undesired, and emotionally alone is not a virtue. It is a slow form of self-erasure. Your children benefit most not from parents who silently endure, but from adults who model honesty, self-respect, and emotional responsibility.
You don’t have to decide everything right now. But you do need to stop carrying this alone. The next step is not divorce or resignation — it’s an honest, calm, courageous conversation focused on emotional truth. From there, the path forward will become clearer, even if it’s difficult.

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Kanchan

Kanchan Rai  |648 Answers  |Ask -

Relationships Expert, Mind Coach - Answered on Dec 18, 2025

Asked by Anonymous - Dec 16, 2025Hindi
Relationship
My husband doesn't lock the door when we have s**. This was the main reason for his ex-wife to divorce him. His parents feel that it is safer to keep the door unlocked in case of emergencies. But honestly,I feel awkward. I am not comfortable. Once his sister casually walked in to pick up some stuff, ignoring us on the bed. I was clothed but it still made me feel uncomfortable. We don't have a private bedroom but we use the bed at night. There are two shared wardrobes in the room which people need to access. I have explained this to my husband but he says I need to learn to adjust and work around it. Even if the door is closed, I always fear that someone might just walk in. What to do?
Ans: This is not a small preference issue. This is about personal boundaries and bodily autonomy. Even if nothing “bad” has happened, the fear of being walked in on is enough to make your body stay tense. That anxiety alone can affect your sense of dignity, desire, and emotional security. The fact that his ex-wife divorced him over the same issue tells you that this pattern is longstanding and not something you are imagining.
Your husband and his parents may frame this as “safety” or “emergency access,” but that argument does not hold when weighed against your right to privacy. Emergencies are rare; violations of comfort are happening now. A locked door during intimacy does not mean negligence—it means respect. Many families manage emergencies with simple alternatives like knocking, calling out, or keeping keys for true emergencies. What’s happening instead is that your need for privacy is being minimized, and you are being asked to suppress discomfort for the convenience of others.
The incident with his sister casually entering is especially important. Even though you were clothed, your body registered that as a boundary breach. The fact that it was brushed off is likely reinforcing your fear that this could happen again. Over time, this can quietly erode trust and sexual comfort—not because you’re “overthinking,” but because your nervous system is constantly on alert.
You need to shift the conversation with your husband away from “adjustment” and toward non-negotiable boundaries. This isn’t about arguing logic; it’s about stating a clear emotional and physical limit. You might say something like:
“I cannot feel safe or comfortable being intimate without privacy. This isn’t something I can adjust to. If intimacy continues without a locked door, I will start avoiding it—not out of punishment, but because my body feels unsafe.”
That’s not a threat. That’s honesty.
If the room layout is genuinely impractical, then the solution is not for you to tolerate discomfort, but for the household to change logistics—restricted access at night, fixed timings, or creating a private space. Privacy is a shared responsibility, not a burden placed on one person to endure.
If your husband continues to dismiss this after you clearly express it, that’s a deeper issue than doors. It signals a lack of attunement to your emotional safety, and that deserves serious attention—possibly with a counselor, especially given that this issue has already broken a marriage before.
You are not asking for something unreasonable. You are asking for respect.

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Anu

Anu Krishna  |1754 Answers  |Ask -

Relationships Expert, Mind Coach - Answered on Dec 18, 2025

Relationship
Mam, I know some ways by which i can change my state of mind from lazy to working.. and having pressure/deadline helps to move on. But still I'm get trapped in guilt of actions and don't feel confident that next time i will be able to control myself..( cuz some actions give short pleasure/gratification easily.. but guilts also). And in all those silent, sad, depressed emotional time my Real working time gets wasted.. and feels like I just live in more guilt and saddness..even if it hurts. But don't wanna live like that!! What I do?
Ans: Dear Work,
Focus in any area of Life comes only when you realize WHY you are doing WHAT you are doing in that area.
For eg: If you decide to lose weight and just randomly join the gym without understanding WHY you are in the gym, a few days later, you will drop out. Mind you, that LOSING WEIGHT is not your reason; WHY do you want to lose that weight is the only thing that will keep you focused and motivated.
Hence, if you are giving into short term distractions, then obviously whatever it is that you are doing is not interesting you and so you get easily distracted.
Take one area of your life at a time; drop your goals in paper and mark a strong WHY against each. If it isn't motivating you enough, go back to the Drawing Board and do the exercise until you find that fire in your belly.

All the best!
Anu Krishna
Mind Coach|NLP Trainer|Author
Drop in: www.unfear.io
Reach me: Facebook: anukrish07/ AND LinkedIn: anukrishna-joyofserving/

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