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Omkeshwar

Omkeshwar Singh  | Answer  |Ask -

Head, Rank MF - Answered on Apr 07, 2022

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Pranjit Question by Pranjit on Apr 07, 2022Hindi
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Sir I am 45 years old and my wife 35 yrs we both investing in following MF for our child’s education and wealth creation from 03/2018 .Our time horizon is 15 yrs.

1. HDFC EQUITY FUND REGULAR GROWTH Rs 3000/month 

2. AXIS LONG TERM EQUITY FUND DIRECT GROWTH RS 2000/MONTH. 

3. SBI SMALL CAP FUND DIRECT GROWTH RS 2000/MONTH. 

4. SBI TECHNOLOGY FUND DIRECT GROWTH RS 2000/MONTH. 

5. PARAG PARIKH FLEXI CAP FUND DIRECT GROWTH RS 1000/MONTH. 

My wife’s portfolio:

1. MIRAE ASSET EMERGING BLUE CHIP FUND DIRECT GROWTH RS 3000/MONTH 

2. CANARA ROBECCO EMERGING EQUITY FUND Rs 1500/MONTH 

3. CANARA ROBECCO BLUE CHIP FUND DIRECT GROWTH RS 1000/MONTH 

4. MOTILAL OSWAL 35 CAP FUND RS 1500/MONTH. 

5. L &T INDIA VALUE FUND RS 2000/MONTH. 

6. SBI SMALL CAP FUND DIRECT GROWTH RS 2000/MONTH. 

7. QUANT SMALL CAP FUND DIRECT GROWTH RS 2000/MONTH. 

SIR please advice/suggestions regarding above investment required if any modifications? One more thing I want to invest more please suggest me some funds giving return above 20%.

Ans: No changes are required; however, please keep the expectation of returns between 12% and 15%.

Basic thumb rule is risk free returns (10 years govt bond returns) + inflation + equity risk premium.

DISCLAIMER: The content of this post by the expert is the personal view of the rediffGURU. Users are advised to pursue the information provided by the rediffGURU only as a source of information to be as a point of reference and to rely on their own judgement when making a decision.
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Ramalingam

Ramalingam Kalirajan  |7103 Answers  |Ask -

Mutual Funds, Financial Planning Expert - Answered on May 26, 2024

Money
Hi, I am 36 years old, married & have 1 child (3 year old). Me & wife have combined income from salary of 3.75 lakh post taxes. We are investing in following funds & have investment horizon of more than 15 years. Aditya BSL Pure Value - 2k DSP Value Fund - 4k HDFC Small Cap - 2K Kotak business cycle - 5k Kotak Emerging Equity fund - 2K Motilal Oswal large and Midcap - 10k Bandhan Core Equity - 2k Baroda BNP India Consumption - 3k Franklin India Prima - 4k HDFC Mid Cap Opportunity - 2k HSBC Small Cap - 5k Nippon India Flexi Cap - 7.5 SBI small cap - 4k White Oak capital Large and Mid - 7.5k ICICI prudential India opportunity -10k NPS - 15K Equity Market - 25K SGB - 15K LIC -10K. I'm looking for the same investment till next 15 years. Definitely will increase the MF amount every year. I'm looking for at least 15+ Cr corpus at the age of 55. Please guide me with the existing investment.
Ans: Thank you for providing details about your financial situation and investment goals. It's commendable that you have a long-term investment horizon and are committed to increasing your investment amounts annually. Let's analyze your current portfolio and provide guidance to help you achieve your goal of accumulating a corpus of Rs. 15 crores by the age of 55.

Current Portfolio Analysis
1. Diverse Mutual Fund Investments
You have a well-diversified portfolio across various mutual funds, including large cap, mid cap, small cap, value, and thematic funds. This diversification helps mitigate risk and capture growth across different market segments.

2. Monthly SIP Amount
Your current SIPs in mutual funds amount to Rs. 71,000 per month. This disciplined approach to investing through SIPs ensures regular contributions and benefits from rupee cost averaging.

3. Additional Investments
Besides mutual funds, you also invest in NPS (Rs. 15,000), equity market (Rs. 25,000), Sovereign Gold Bonds (SGB - Rs. 15,000), and LIC (Rs. 10,000). These investments provide further diversification and stability to your portfolio.

Evaluating Your Investment Strategy
1. Investment Horizon
With an investment horizon of over 15 years, you have the advantage of time on your side. Long-term investments in equity mutual funds can help you achieve significant capital appreciation.

2. Portfolio Diversification
Your portfolio includes a mix of large, mid, and small cap funds, as well as value and thematic funds. This diversification is essential to spread risk and capture growth across various sectors and market caps.

3. Regular Increment in SIP Amounts
You plan to increase your SIP amounts every year, which is a wise strategy. This helps in maintaining the purchasing power of your investments and accelerates the growth of your corpus.

Recommendations for Optimization
1. Focus on Quality Funds
While your portfolio is well-diversified, it's essential to focus on quality funds with a consistent track record. Regularly review the performance of your funds and replace underperformers with better alternatives.

2. Reduce Overlapping
Some of your funds may have overlapping investments in similar stocks. Reducing overlapping can enhance the efficiency of your portfolio. For example, having too many small cap funds can lead to redundancy.

3. Maintain Asset Allocation
Regularly rebalance your portfolio to maintain the desired asset allocation. This ensures that your investment strategy remains aligned with your risk tolerance and financial goals.

Projected Growth and Corpus Calculation
1. Expected Returns
Assuming an average annual return of 12% from your equity mutual funds, you can project the growth of your investments over the next 15 years. Historical data suggests that well-diversified equity portfolios can achieve such returns over the long term.

2. Increasing SIP Contributions
Increasing your SIP contributions by 10% annually can significantly boost your corpus. This strategy takes advantage of compounding and helps in accumulating a larger corpus.

3. Additional Contributions
Your investments in NPS, equity market, SGB, and LIC also contribute to your overall corpus. Ensure these investments are aligned with your risk tolerance and financial goals.

Example Calculation
Let's consider a simplified example to project your corpus:

Initial Monthly SIP: Rs. 71,000
Annual Increase in SIP: 10%
Annual Return on Mutual Funds: 12%
Over 15 years, this strategy can help you accumulate a significant corpus. Please note that actual returns can vary, and it's essential to review and adjust your strategy regularly.

Importance of Consulting a Certified Financial Planner
1. Personalized Advice
A Certified Financial Planner (CFP) provides personalized advice based on your financial situation, goals, and risk tolerance. They help you make informed decisions tailored to your needs.

2. Expert Management
A CFP continuously monitors your investments and market conditions. They make necessary adjustments to your portfolio, ensuring it remains on track to achieve your financial objectives.

3. Risk Management
A CFP employs strategies to manage risk and optimize returns. Their expertise helps in navigating market volatility and safeguarding your investments.

Conclusion
Your disciplined investment approach, diversified portfolio, and long-term horizon put you on a strong path toward achieving your goal of accumulating Rs. 15 crores. By focusing on quality funds, reducing overlap, and maintaining a balanced asset allocation, you can optimize your investment strategy.

Regularly consulting with a Certified Financial Planner (CFP) will provide you with personalized advice and expert management to keep your investments on track. Your commitment to increasing your SIP contributions annually further enhances your potential to achieve your financial goals.

Best Regards,

K. Ramalingam, MBA, CFP

Chief Financial Planner,

www.holisticinvestment.in

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Ramalingam

Ramalingam Kalirajan  |7103 Answers  |Ask -

Mutual Funds, Financial Planning Expert - Answered on May 02, 2024

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Hi Sir, I am currently working in PSB in the Middle management group and investing in different investment options to achieve the goal of financial freedom. I have one 6 years old daughter and want to accumulate a fund of 2.5 Cr for her education and marriage also. I am investing the monthly amount in below mentioned categories: A) Traditional: 1) Sukanya Sammaridhi account: 2K 2) PPF: 1K B) Market Linked: 1) DSP Small cap fund: 3K 2) SBI magnum Mid Cap Fund: 2 K 3) HDFC Mid Cap opportunities Fund: 3 K 4) Aditya Birla SL Pure value fund Reg (G): 1K 5) Mirae Asset Large & Midcap Fund Reg (G): 2 K 6) Canara Robeco Emerging Equities Reg (G): 3K 7) 3-4 K in share purchase for long term investment. I want to keep investing in MFs for the next 25 years with an annual increment in monthly investment figures as per the capability. Kindly advise me about these funds and share your suggestions to achieve my dream. Awaiting your reply. Regards, Bhuvneshwar.
Ans: Bhuvneshwar, your commitment to securing your daughter's future is commendable, and your diversified investment strategy reflects your dedication to achieving your financial goals. Let's break down your approach:

Traditional Investments: Sukanya Samriddhi and PPF provide a solid foundation with tax benefits and guaranteed returns. These avenues ensure stability and security for your daughter's future needs.
Market-Linked Investments: By investing in a mix of small, mid, and large-cap funds, you're tapping into the potential growth of the market. Your selection shows a balanced approach, spreading risk across different segments of the market.
Direct Stock Investments: Your involvement in direct stock purchases demonstrates your confidence in specific companies for long-term growth. However, ensure thorough research and prudent decision-making to mitigate risks associated with individual stocks.
To further enhance your strategy:

Regular Review and Rebalancing: Periodically assess the performance of your investments and rebalance if needed to maintain your desired asset allocation.
Risk Management: While market-linked investments offer growth potential, they also carry inherent risks. Ensure you're comfortable with the level of risk in your portfolio and adjust your investments accordingly.
Gradual Increase in Investments: Your plan to incrementally increase your monthly investments aligns with the principle of gradual improvement over time. Consistency and discipline in this approach will help you reach your target efficiently.
Remember, Bhuvneshwar, achieving financial freedom for your daughter's education and marriage requires patience, discipline, and a long-term perspective. Stay focused on your goals, continuously educate yourself, and adapt your strategy as needed along the journey. With dedication and strategic planning, you're well on your way to realizing your dreams for your daughter's future.

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Ramalingam

Ramalingam Kalirajan  |7103 Answers  |Ask -

Mutual Funds, Financial Planning Expert - Answered on Nov 21, 2024

Money
Hi, I am 36 years old, married & have 1 child (3 years old). My & wife and I have combined income from a salary of 4 lakh post taxes. We are investing in the following funds & have an investment horizon of more than 15 years. Wife Aditya BSL Pure Value - 2k DSP Value Fund - 4k HDFC Small Cap - 2K JM Financial Mid Cap - 10K Kotak business cycle - 5k Kotak Emerging Equity fund - 2K Motilal Oswal large and Midcap - 10k Motila Oswal Business Cycle Fund - 10k My Self Bandhan Core Equity - 2k Baroda BNP India Consumption - 3k Franklin India Prima - 4k HDFC Mid Cap Opportunity - 2k HSBC Small Cap - 5k Kotak Special Opportunity Fund - 10K Nippon India Flexi Cap - 7.5 SBI small cap - 4k White Oak capital Large and Mid - 7.5k ICICI prudential India opportunity -10k Equity Market - 25K SGB - 10K LIC - 5.2K. I'm looking for the same investment till next 15 years. Definitely will increase the MF amount every year. I'm looking for at least 15+ Cr corpus at the age of 55. Please guide me with the existing investment
Ans: Your portfolio demonstrates impressive discipline and diversification. Your strategy aligns well with your long-term goals. Let’s evaluate your investments from different perspectives to enhance your financial journey.

Income and Savings Allocation
You and your spouse have a combined post-tax income of Rs 4 lakh monthly. This indicates a healthy cash flow for both expenses and investments.

You are currently investing a significant portion of your income. It’s commendable and reflects your commitment to wealth creation.

Ensure you have adequate emergency funds in place. Ideally, maintain 6–12 months of household expenses in liquid assets like bank deposits or liquid funds.

Regularly increase your investments in line with your income growth. This will help mitigate inflation and maintain financial discipline.

Portfolio Diversification
Your portfolio includes large-cap, mid-cap, small-cap, and thematic funds. Let’s analyse its structure:

Equity Funds: Your portfolio has a good mix of large-cap, mid-cap, and small-cap funds. However, there may be an overlap in holdings due to multiple funds in similar categories.

Thematic and Sectoral Funds: These add potential for higher returns but come with higher risk. Maintain their allocation within 10–15% of your portfolio.

Direct Stocks (Equity Market): A Rs 25K monthly allocation here adds direct exposure. This is suitable if you have expertise and time to track individual stocks.

Debt and Gold: Investments in Sovereign Gold Bonds (SGBs) and LIC provide stability. However, LIC policies may have lower returns compared to other instruments.

Steps to Optimise Your Portfolio
1. Reduce Fund Overlap
Multiple funds in similar categories can lead to duplication. Consolidate funds with similar investment styles.

For example, instead of holding several mid-cap funds, select one or two strong performers.

2. Evaluate LIC Policy
LIC is a low-return investment compared to equity funds. If you hold traditional LIC policies, consider surrendering them after a cost-benefit analysis.

Reinvest proceeds into mutual funds for better compounding over 15+ years.

3. Balance Asset Allocation
Equity investments dominate your portfolio, which is suitable for your time horizon.

Continue allocating 10–15% to debt and gold for stability. Use a debt mutual fund for better tax efficiency than LIC policies.

Keep reviewing asset allocation annually based on life events or market conditions.

4. Increase Systematic Investment Plan (SIP) Amount
Increase SIPs by at least 10–15% annually to match income growth.

This disciplined approach ensures consistent wealth accumulation.

5. Review Fund Performance Regularly
Monitor fund performance every 6–12 months. Exit funds underperforming their category for over two years.

Choose funds managed by experienced fund managers with a proven track record.

6. Tax Efficiency
LTCG above Rs 1.25 lakh is taxed at 12.5%. Keep this in mind while redeeming equity funds.

Use the tax-harvesting strategy by redeeming gains below Rs 1.25 lakh annually to minimise tax liability.

Insurance Coverage
Ensure you and your spouse have adequate term insurance covering at least 10–15 times your annual income.

A health insurance policy for the family is crucial. Consider a super top-up policy for additional coverage.

Avoid investment-linked insurance products. Term insurance is cost-effective, and mutual funds provide better returns.

Child’s Future Planning
Start a dedicated SIP for your child’s education and marriage. Allocate funds in diversified equity schemes.

Goal-based investing helps in disciplined savings and keeps you on track.

Retirement Planning
Your target corpus of Rs 15+ crore by age 55 is realistic.

Focus on equity for growth. Add balanced funds or flexi-cap funds for moderate risk-adjusted returns.

Avoid early withdrawals to benefit from compounding over 15+ years.

Thematic Investments
Funds like business cycle or thematic funds are high-risk. Keep allocation limited to avoid concentration risks.

Evaluate the suitability of these funds every three years.

Risk Management
Your equity allocation indicates a high-risk appetite. Reassess your risk profile every 3–5 years.

Avoid emotional decisions during market volatility. Stay focused on long-term goals.

Final Insights
Your financial discipline and long-term approach are excellent. Optimising your portfolio with fewer funds and higher SIP amounts will improve efficiency. Regular reviews and a clear focus on goals will ensure success.

Best Regards,

K. Ramalingam, MBA, CFP

Chief Financial Planner,
www.holisticinvestment.in
https://www.youtube.com/@HolisticInvestment

..Read more

Latest Questions
Anu

Anu Krishna  |1328 Answers  |Ask -

Relationships Expert, Mind Coach - Answered on Nov 25, 2024

Ramalingam

Ramalingam Kalirajan  |7103 Answers  |Ask -

Mutual Funds, Financial Planning Expert - Answered on Nov 25, 2024

Money
I am 50 years old, how much proportion should I allocate in Debt and Equity mutual funds. I am investing in mutual funds only. My 43 L portfolio has 37 L equity and 6 Lak debt.
Ans: Balancing your portfolio between equity and debt is critical at this stage. A 50-year-old investor should aim for a safer portfolio while ensuring reasonable growth. Since you’re already investing in mutual funds, fine-tuning your allocation can optimise returns and reduce risk.

Let’s assess your portfolio in detail and identify actionable steps for an optimal balance.

Evaluating Your Current Portfolio
Your current allocation includes:

Rs 37 lakh in equity: Around 86% of your total portfolio.
Rs 6 lakh in debt: About 14% of your total portfolio.
This equity-heavy portfolio is suitable for younger investors. At 50, you may need to rebalance to reduce volatility while retaining growth.

Recommended Allocation Strategy
A general rule is the "100 minus age" approach. However, personal goals, risk tolerance, and financial stability should guide decisions. For a 50-year-old:

Equity: 50% to 60% of the portfolio. This ensures growth and combats inflation.
Debt: 40% to 50%. This ensures stability and predictable returns.
You can adjust within this range based on personal preferences and financial objectives.

Steps to Rebalance Your Portfolio
To align your portfolio, consider these steps:

Gradually reduce equity exposure: Shift some equity investments to debt. Do this systematically over months to avoid timing risks.
Increase debt mutual funds allocation: Consider short-duration or dynamic bond funds for liquidity and moderate returns.
Use hybrid mutual funds: Balanced advantage funds can offer a mix of equity and debt with automatic rebalancing.
Why a Balanced Allocation Is Crucial
Equity: This provides growth potential to counter inflation. It supports long-term financial goals like retirement planning.
Debt: This offers stability and acts as a buffer against market downturns. It ensures liquidity for unexpected expenses.
Avoid Over-Exposure to Equity
While equity delivers higher returns, excessive exposure can increase portfolio risk. A balanced allocation shields you during market corrections.

Advantages of Actively Managed Funds
Actively managed funds can outperform the market due to professional expertise. They adjust portfolios based on market trends and opportunities.

Disadvantages of Index Funds:

They lack active monitoring during volatile periods.
They mimic the index, limiting scope for higher returns.
Their fixed composition may underperform in certain market cycles.
For long-term growth, actively managed funds offer better risk-adjusted returns.

Benefits of Regular Funds Over Direct Funds
Guidance: Regular funds come with expert advice from an MFD with a Certified Financial Planner (CFP) credential.
Portfolio Monitoring: They help align your investments with changing market conditions.
Support: MFDs can guide in tax planning and rebalancing.
Direct funds, while cheaper, may lead to uninformed decisions and missed opportunities.

Tax Efficiency in Your Portfolio
Understanding new mutual fund taxation rules is essential:

Equity funds: LTCG above Rs 1.25 lakh is taxed at 12.5%. STCG is taxed at 20%.
Debt funds: Gains are taxed as per your income slab.
Consider tax implications before rebalancing to avoid unnecessary liabilities.

Maintaining Liquidity
At this stage, maintaining a portion of your portfolio in liquid funds is prudent. It helps meet short-term goals or emergencies without disturbing long-term investments.

Aligning with Retirement Goals
Your portfolio should focus on generating a steady post-retirement income. Here’s how:

Allocate more to debt as you approach retirement.
Use SWP (Systematic Withdrawal Plan) for regular income during retirement.
Retain a small equity portion to combat inflation even post-retirement.
Creating a Contingency Fund
Set aside a separate fund equivalent to 6-12 months of expenses. Use liquid or ultra-short-term debt funds for this.

Monitoring and Reviewing Your Portfolio
Review your portfolio every 6 months.
Rebalance based on market conditions and life changes.
Consult a Certified Financial Planner for adjustments aligned with your goals.
Avoid Common Investment Pitfalls
Chasing high returns: Avoid concentrating on high-risk funds at this stage.
Over-diversification: Stick to a manageable number of funds to track performance easily.
Ignoring inflation: Ensure your portfolio grows faster than inflation rates.
Building a Long-Term Perspective
Focus on wealth preservation alongside growth.
Maintain discipline in investing. Avoid reacting impulsively to market fluctuations.
Stay informed about economic and market trends affecting mutual fund performance.
Final Insights
Balancing equity and debt is essential for stability and growth in your portfolio. A 50%-60% equity and 40%-50% debt allocation aligns with your age and goals. Active management and regular reviews will help optimise returns and minimise risks.

Transitioning gradually ensures minimal disruption to your portfolio’s growth. Focus on creating a robust strategy to secure your financial future.

Best Regards,

K. Ramalingam, MBA, CFP

Chief Financial Planner

www.holisticinvestment.in
https://www.youtube.com/@HolisticInvestment

...Read more

Ramalingam

Ramalingam Kalirajan  |7103 Answers  |Ask -

Mutual Funds, Financial Planning Expert - Answered on Nov 25, 2024

Money
One time investment in mutual fund in which fund
Ans: To decide on a one-time investment, understanding your financial goals is vital. Knowing the purpose of your investment ensures better alignment with your expectations. Your goals could be wealth creation, retirement planning, or funding a specific future expense like a child's education or marriage.

Assessing Risk Tolerance
Before choosing any investment, assess your risk tolerance. High-risk options offer better returns but can fluctuate more. If you are a conservative investor, you might prefer stability over high returns. Moderately aggressive investors balance growth and risk well.

Benefits of Actively Managed Mutual Funds
Actively managed mutual funds are an excellent choice for one-time investments. Professional fund managers make critical investment decisions based on market conditions. These funds can outperform market indices over the long term due to their strategic asset allocation.

They adapt well to market dynamics, offering higher growth potential than passive funds. Investors benefit from expertise and insights that help mitigate risks during market downturns.

Disadvantages of Index Funds
Index funds simply track market indices and lack active management. They offer no scope for market-beating returns. While their fees are lower, this comes at the cost of performance. In actively managed funds, expert decision-making can lead to better results.

Investors relying solely on index funds may miss opportunities to earn superior returns. Active funds also better suit those aiming for long-term wealth accumulation with reduced volatility.

The Issue with Direct Funds
Direct funds may have lower costs but require greater knowledge and time. Without professional advice, managing such investments can be overwhelming. Regular funds, managed through Certified Financial Planners, ensure guidance tailored to your needs.

A Certified Financial Planner monitors your portfolio’s performance, suggesting timely corrections. This professional approach ensures that your investment aligns with your financial goals efficiently.

Choosing the Right Mutual Fund Category
Select funds based on your investment horizon and risk appetite. Equity mutual funds work well for long-term goals as they provide higher growth potential. However, they carry higher volatility and are suitable only for investors with a longer time horizon.

For medium-term goals, balanced or hybrid funds are better suited. These combine equity and debt to balance risk and returns. Short-term goals are better addressed with debt funds, offering lower returns with minimal risk.

Importance of Diversification
Diversifying your investment reduces the risk of losses. It spreads your money across various sectors, ensuring market fluctuations impact your investment less. Avoid investing all funds in a single category, ensuring a mix of equity, debt, and hybrid funds.

Taxation Rules for Mutual Funds
Understand the tax implications before investing. For equity funds, long-term capital gains above Rs 1.25 lakh are taxed at 12.5%. Short-term capital gains are taxed at 20%. For debt funds, all gains are taxed as per your income tax slab.

Consider tax-saving options if your goal aligns with reducing tax liabilities. While tax efficiency matters, it should not override your primary objective of wealth creation.

Importance of Lump Sum Timing
Market timing matters for one-time investments. Investing during a market correction or when valuations are reasonable ensures better growth. A Certified Financial Planner can guide you to enter the market at the right time for better results.

Monitoring and Reviewing Your Investment
A one-time investment is not set and forget. Regular reviews ensure the investment aligns with your goals. Markets evolve, and so should your portfolio. Make changes as required with the guidance of a professional.

The Role of Emergency Funds
Ensure you have an adequate emergency fund before making a one-time investment. This fund covers unforeseen expenses, preventing you from withdrawing long-term investments prematurely. Keep at least 6-12 months' expenses aside for emergencies.

Setting Realistic Expectations
Investments are subject to market risks, and returns are not guaranteed. Patience and a long-term approach yield better results. Understand the product before investing, ensuring it meets your expectations and financial objectives.

Final Insights
A one-time mutual fund investment can help achieve your financial goals effectively. However, aligning this investment with your risk tolerance and objectives is key. Actively managed funds, combined with professional advice, offer the best value for your money.

Best Regards,

K. Ramalingam, MBA, CFP,

Chief Financial Planner,

www.holisticinvestment.in
https://www.youtube.com/@HolisticInvestment

...Read more

Anu

Anu Krishna  |1328 Answers  |Ask -

Relationships Expert, Mind Coach - Answered on Nov 25, 2024

Asked by Anonymous - Nov 21, 2024Hindi
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Relationship
I 25M) have been in a Long Distance Emotional Relationship with a College Friend (25F) whom I'd known since more than 3 years. Although, neither of us has explicitly confessed to each other, but we both seemed to have strong Feelings for each other. We both have shared a lot of personal matters about ourselves, with each other (which are unknown to even some of our Closest Friends). We both share similar Values & Outlook towards various aspects of Life (including our Long Term Career Goals). We both used to chat on WhatsApp almost everyday, sharing our experiences, opinions, knowledge etc. I used to Flirt with her by writing Romantic Poetry for her, once she'd also confessed that she's falling for me. But what has stopped us both from proposing Love to one another is the difference in our Family Background (I'm from a Telugu Speaking Hindu Brahmin Family & she's from a Malayali Catholic Christian Family, but we both studied together from a College in Gujarat). As of now, we both are in different States Studying/Working in different fields. But both of us have been preparing for UPSC, which is our ultimate Career Goal & we also used to discuss the Subject matter & Preparation Plans, helping out each other. Presently, the Problem is that She seems to have Ghosted me (since a Month) citing a silly reason that her Phone got Damaged (she'd said something like this even in 2021), but I see her active on various Social Media Platforms, regularly. I have tried reaching out to her through all the Social Media Platforms & have even called her up, but there's no Response at all, from her side. I am not able to understand why she has Ghosted me like this, atleast she could have honestly told me the actual Reason. Sometimes, I feel guilty that I must have been a distraction to her Studies. But I have very strong Feelings for her, which I'd never felt for any other Girl & I believe that we can have a Future together. We both could continue complementing each other in the course of UPSC Preparation & acting as each other's motivation & emotional support (as seen in the Movie "12th Fail"). And if we both successfully clear UPSC together, we could try to convince our Parents for Marriage (these are not just my Fantasies, even she had indirectly expressed her interest in sharing her Future Life with me). Now, I don't understand what to do? How to reach out to her & sort out things between us? If not reconciliation, I believe that I deserve atleast a definite closure with Honest communication. Though, I am going along with my UPSC Preparation, every now & then, I can't Help thinking of her, I'm feeling Lonely, her Emotional & Intellectual Company would be a great Help in the course of my Preparation. She's always been a Positive Motivation not a Distraction in my Career Path. Please advise me, how do I get back at her, presently, she's working in a different State, so reaching out to meet her in person is not feasible & I have unsuccessfully tried out all other means of Communication. What should I do now? I want to hear from her again, I'd feel satisfied even if she breaks it up with me, honestly stating the Reason. I am feeling restless due to this Uncertainty. Should I persistently keep trying to reach out to her, through different means, without giving up on her, until she Responds, Hoping that she'd appreciate my consistent efforts & reconsider the Relationship with me? Or would you advise any other approach, which is better, according to you?
Ans: Dear Anonymous,
You really need to STOP putting yourself through this.
The reason for your restless state is the dependency that you have been having on her, chats with her, the emotional base with her knowing well enough that there has been no prior agreement on commitment in this relationship. But that's the way the heart is, no?
So, there has been freedom with both of you to go away when you please, to see other people etc...

You have possibly been more into this connection that she has been into it and this has led to expectations from your end.
Go silent and maybe this will give her an idea of missing you if she truly has feelings for you. When you do this, you give yourself some breathing space as well on things that need your focus and also will also reveal if she really wants you as a part of her life. This space is difficult but really important.

All the best!
Anu Krishna
Mind Coach|NLP Trainer|Author
Drop in: www.unfear.io
Reach me: Facebook: anukrish07/ AND LinkedIn: anukrishna-joyofserving/

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Milind

Milind Vadjikar  |691 Answers  |Ask -

Insurance, Stocks, MF, PF Expert - Answered on Nov 25, 2024

Anu

Anu Krishna  |1328 Answers  |Ask -

Relationships Expert, Mind Coach - Answered on Nov 25, 2024

Asked by Anonymous - Nov 18, 2024Hindi
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Relationship
My age is 30 gf is also of same age ..we have caste issue and she is being hindu..but we love each other deeply ..we are in strong seriously relationship since 5 years ..but suddenly now she has cheated with me with a guy of same caste and too rich..now i am devasted ..i have done everything for her she asked for and i have given my blood sweat and tears to work it this relation into marrige...since i found out my gf had cheated on me i am not in myself..my left chest always has mild to severe pain when i think about her .it is just sudden change of emotions..when i am doing my work i forgets about her but not able to focus and it is reflecting on my performance...please confirm what should i do now .she has said sorry multiple times ..but i cannot trust her the same way and not able to love her same way as it is use to be...though my feelinga for her never gonna die but this feeling only killing me please confirm what should do please
Ans: Dear Anonymous,
Heartbreaks can show up in the body as aches and pains; but do visit the doctor to rule out any issue causing the pain in your chest.
I would suggest 'taking a break' from your relationship to process what has gone on...being cheated upon is not easy to digest and you need the time to understand what has happened.
Yes, loss of trust can be very difficult to repair but whether you want to forgive her or not, trust her again or not are things to be dealt with as you go into this 'break mode' as it will allow the anger to heighten, simmer and then dull down while the importance of this person in your life will arise where you can then ask yourself if you wish to continue this relationship or you actually can do away with it.
I do feel that you will benefit from working with a professional on this as your mind state can interfere in the process of reflection and healing. So, do consider that as well...
I will not say that Time Heals, but Time gives you an opportunity to reflect and learn...

All the best!
Anu Krishna
Mind Coach|NLP Trainer|Author
Drop in: www.unfear.io
Reach me: Facebook: anukrish07/ AND LinkedIn: anukrishna-joyofserving/

...Read more

Anu

Anu Krishna  |1328 Answers  |Ask -

Relationships Expert, Mind Coach - Answered on Nov 25, 2024

Asked by Anonymous - Nov 21, 2024Hindi
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Relationship
I (30M) am looking for suitable match through Arranged Marriage Platforms. Recently, I had connected with a Lady (25F) who seemed to tick all the Boxes, which I preferred in a Life Partner & she seemed to like me too, we both were getting along quite well through chatting & phone calls. When we met, in person for the first time, I POLITELY asked her what's her BODY COUNT (while mentioning that my Body Count is Zero, as I am VIRGIN). Immediately, she lost her Temper, started abusing me & splashed her Drink all over my Face & Clothes, she was physically assaulting me, when the waiters intervened & calmed her down. I was feeling Humiliated in Public. She threatened that she would Report me to the Police for 'SEXUAL HARASSMENT'. Realising that she could ruin my Life, I apologised to her earnestly & made Peace. Needless to say, she ended all contact with me. But, this incident has left me emotionally bruised. Did I do anything Wrong by asking my prospective Life Partner about her Sexual History? Don't I have the Right to know about this aspect of the Woman, I'd be Marrying? Was she right in taking offence at my Question? Can her Reaction be Justified? Does my Question warrant a Criminal Case against me (something as Heinous as 'Sexual Harassment')? How do I handle such situations in the Future? Should I avoid asking, any other prospects, in the future m, such sensitive personal Questions? What do I do, in case, any other Lady, behaves aggressively with me? Would it be better, if I Record our entire conversation, secretly, using a Bodycam, as a Pro-Active measure, to prove my Innocence & defend myself against Criminal Proceedings? Would it be Legal, to Record our Conversation, without her Knowledge or Consent? Or shall I seek her Consent & Proceed cautiously? Please Advise me, how to handle such sensitive situations, in the Future.
Ans: Dear Anonymous,
Things have definitely changed in the dating and marriage scene from what it was even 20 or 10 years back...
But hey, I still have my reservations on whether women are comfortable answering very intimate questions...do you not think that a question on body count can be reserved to a future meeting maybe when the two of you show interest in each other and when transparency is vital to further the connection?
Right on Day 1, what is the necessity to jump about and get curious about it? Maybe if someone asked you, you would be okay with it but not everyone or every woman is going to be comfortable with it.
When you pay attention to what the other person wants and likes, there are minimal chances of you slipping up and irking them; where is the question then to take care of legal stuff, recording etc...
Genuinely be there with the other person in a conversation and when the rapport is built, the conversation flows effortlessly and you will start to enjoy it. Start to get curious about who they are as people rather than how many people they have slept with...This should help you!

All the best!
Anu Krishna
Mind Coach|NLP Trainer|Author
Drop in: www.unfear.io
Reach me: Facebook: anukrish07/ AND LinkedIn: anukrishna-joyofserving/

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