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Will My Investments Be Enough to Retire at 50 with a School-Going Child?

Ramalingam

Ramalingam Kalirajan  |7635 Answers  |Ask -

Mutual Funds, Financial Planning Expert - Answered on Jul 16, 2024

Ramalingam Kalirajan has over 23 years of experience in mutual funds and financial planning.
He has an MBA in finance from the University of Madras and is a certified financial planner.
He is the director and chief financial planner at Holistic Investment, a Chennai-based firm that offers financial planning and wealth management advice.... more
Asked by Anonymous - Jul 09, 2024Hindi
Money

I am 44 years old. I have 34 lac in MF, 4 Lac in NPS, 1.06 Cr in PPF, 50 Lac in PF, 1 Lac in stock and 22 Lac in post office Fixed deposit.Monthly income 1.2 Lac. I am investing 26500 Monthly in MF SIP and 15000 towards post office RD, also in VPF 21000 and PPF yearly 450000 (In 3 account). My monthly expense is 60000 and planing to retire at 50. I have school going child studing in class 7. Is my investment is sufficient for retirement planning.

Ans: Your current financial situation shows a strong foundation, and your disciplined approach to saving and investing is commendable. Let’s dive deeper into your investments and see if they align with your retirement goals at age 50, while ensuring your child's education and other expenses are covered.

Evaluating Your Current Financial Status
You have a diversified portfolio, which is excellent for mitigating risks and optimizing returns. Here’s a summary:

Mutual Funds (MF): Rs 34 lakhs
National Pension System (NPS): Rs 4 lakhs
Public Provident Fund (PPF): Rs 1.06 crores
Provident Fund (PF): Rs 50 lakhs
Stocks: Rs 1 lakh
Post Office Fixed Deposit (FD): Rs 22 lakhs
Monthly Income: Rs 1.2 lakhs
Monthly Investments: Rs 26,500 in MF SIPs, Rs 15,000 in post office RD, Rs 21,000 in VPF, and Rs 4,50,000 annually in PPF
Monthly Expenses: Rs 60,000
Financial Goals and Challenges
Retirement at Age 50: Ensuring a comfortable lifestyle post-retirement.
Child’s Education: Saving for higher education expenses.
Emergency Fund: Maintaining liquidity for unforeseen circumstances.
Health Insurance: Securing health coverage to avoid high medical costs.
Assessing Retirement Corpus
Calculating Required Corpus
To retire comfortably at 50, you need to ensure that your investments can sustain your lifestyle. With your current expenses at Rs 60,000 per month, let’s consider inflation and increased medical costs as you age.

Inflation Impact
Inflation will erode the value of your savings over time. Assuming an average inflation rate of 6%, your current monthly expenses of Rs 60,000 could significantly increase by the time you retire. Planning for a higher monthly expense post-retirement, say Rs 1 lakh, will be prudent.

Estimating Corpus
For a retirement period of 30 years (assuming a lifespan of 80 years), a rough estimate suggests you might need a corpus that can generate Rs 1 lakh per month. Considering inflation and a conservative withdrawal rate, a corpus of around Rs 6-7 crores would be required.

Strengthening Your Investment Portfolio
Mutual Funds
Your current SIP of Rs 26,500 in mutual funds is a strong commitment.

Actively Managed Funds: Actively managed funds can outperform index funds, especially in emerging markets like India. They offer potential for higher returns due to professional fund management.

National Pension System (NPS)
NPS provides a good mix of equity and debt, which is beneficial for long-term growth.

Continue Contributions: Consider increasing your contributions to NPS if possible. NPS also provides additional tax benefits under Section 80CCD(1B).

Public Provident Fund (PPF)
PPF is a safe and reliable investment.

Regular Contributions: Your substantial investment in PPF is good, considering its tax-free interest. Continue maxing out your contributions annually.

Provident Fund (PF) and Voluntary Provident Fund (VPF)
Your PF and VPF contributions ensure steady and safe growth.

Maximize Contributions: Continue maximizing VPF contributions, as they offer higher interest rates and tax benefits.

Stocks
While your current investment in stocks is minimal, direct equity investments can offer significant returns.

Consider Equity Mutual Funds: If you’re not comfortable picking individual stocks, consider equity mutual funds for diversified exposure.

Fixed Deposits and Recurring Deposits
Your investments in post office FDs and RDs provide safety but offer lower returns.

Shift to Higher Returns: Gradually shift a portion of these funds to higher-return investments like debt mutual funds or balanced funds for better growth potential.

Planning for Child’s Education
Education Corpus
Your child is in class 7, and you have about 5-6 years before college expenses start. Higher education costs can be substantial, so planning early is crucial.

Education Funds: Consider dedicated education funds or balanced funds, which provide a mix of safety and growth.

Systematic Investment Plan (SIP): Continue or increase SIPs in diversified mutual funds earmarked for education.

Health Insurance
Health insurance is crucial to protect your savings from medical emergencies.

Family Floater Plan: Ensure you have a comprehensive family floater plan that covers all members adequately.

Critical Illness Cover: Consider adding a critical illness cover to safeguard against severe health issues.

Emergency Fund
An emergency fund acts as a financial buffer for unforeseen expenses.

3-6 Months Expenses: Ensure you have 3-6 months’ worth of expenses set aside in a liquid fund or savings account for easy access.

Tax Planning
Effective tax planning helps maximize your savings.

Section 80C
Maximize 80C Benefits: Your investments in PPF, PF, and life insurance already provide tax benefits under Section 80C. Ensure you’re maximizing these benefits.

Section 80CCD
NPS Contributions: Contributions to NPS provide additional tax benefits under Section 80CCD(1B).

Diversification and Rebalancing
A diversified portfolio minimizes risks and maximizes returns.

Asset Allocation
Diversify Across Asset Classes: Allocate your investments across equities, debt, and fixed income instruments. Consider a mix of 60% equity and 40% debt for balanced growth.

Regular Rebalancing
Periodic Review: Review your portfolio periodically and rebalance to maintain your desired asset allocation. This ensures your portfolio remains aligned with your financial goals.

Professional Guidance
Consulting a Certified Financial Planner (CFP) can provide personalized advice and help you stay on track.

CFP Benefits
Expert Guidance: A CFP provides expert advice on investment strategies, tax planning, and retirement planning.

Regular Reviews: Regular reviews with a CFP can help you adjust your strategy as needed.

Final Insights
Your disciplined approach to saving and investing has put you on a solid financial footing. With your current investments and income, you’re well-positioned to achieve your retirement goals.

However, ensuring your corpus grows sufficiently to sustain your post-retirement life is crucial. By optimizing your investment strategy, managing risks, and planning for inflation, you can build a secure future.

Consider increasing your contributions to equity mutual funds and NPS for better growth. Ensure you have adequate health insurance and maintain a robust emergency fund.

With careful planning and regular reviews, you can achieve your goal of retiring at 50 comfortably and ensure your child's education expenses are covered. Keep up the good work and stay committed to your financial goals.

Best Regards,

K. Ramalingam, MBA, CFP,

Chief Financial Planner,

www.holisticinvestment.in
DISCLAIMER: The content of this post by the expert is the personal view of the rediffGURU. Users are advised to pursue the information provided by the rediffGURU only as a source of information to be as a point of reference and to rely on their own judgement when making a decision.
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Asked by Anonymous - Apr 23, 2024Hindi
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Sir, I am 44 years old. I am investing 34k in MFs. Apart from this I have 30 lacs FD, some amount in PPF, PLI and 27 lacs in EPFO. One debt free house and one EMI of 42k is going on. I am planning to retire at 51. Is this investment sufficient or should I invest more and where?
Ans: You've made significant strides towards your retirement goals with your current investments. Here's an analysis and some recommendations:
1. Current Investments:
• Your monthly investment of 34k in MFs, along with your FDs, PPF, PLI, and EPFO savings, indicate a proactive approach to wealth accumulation.
• Owning a debt-free house is a valuable asset that provides stability and reduces post-retirement housing expenses.
2. Retirement Planning:
• With your retirement target set at 51, it's crucial to assess whether your current investments align with your retirement income needs and lifestyle expectations.
• Consider factors such as expected retirement expenses, healthcare costs, inflation, and desired post-retirement activities.
3. Financial Gap Analysis:
• Conduct a detailed analysis of your current financial position and projected retirement expenses to identify any potential shortfalls.
• Estimate your post-retirement income from sources like EPFO, FD interest, and potential rental income from your property.
4. Determine Additional Investment Needs:
• Assess whether your current investments, along with expected EPFO payouts and other income sources, will be sufficient to cover your retirement expenses.
• If there's a shortfall, consider increasing your monthly MF investments or exploring other investment avenues to bridge the gap.
5. Asset Allocation and Risk Management:
• Review your asset allocation strategy to ensure a balanced mix of equity and debt investments based on your risk tolerance and investment horizon.
• Consider gradually shifting towards more conservative investments as you approach retirement age to protect your capital.
6. Professional Guidance:
• Consult with a Certified Financial Planner to conduct a comprehensive retirement planning assessment.
• They can provide personalized recommendations tailored to your financial goals, risk profile, and retirement timeline.
7. Regular Review and Adjustment:
• Periodically review your investment portfolio and retirement plan to track progress towards your goals.
• Make adjustments as needed, considering changes in income, expenses, market conditions, and personal circumstances.
In summary, while your current investments are commendable, it's essential to conduct a thorough retirement planning analysis to ensure your financial security post-retirement. By taking proactive steps and seeking professional guidance, you can optimize your investments and work towards a comfortable retirement lifestyle.

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Ramalingam Kalirajan  |7635 Answers  |Ask -

Mutual Funds, Financial Planning Expert - Answered on May 20, 2024

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Hello Sir, My age is 43, married and having two daughters (age 14 & 6) and have monthly net salary of Rs. 55k and I am saving around 20k per month (various SIPs-10K, NPS 5K & Stocks-5K) My other investments are as follows; • EPF – as of now 4 Lakhs • Post office MIS – 9 Lakhs • Post office NSC – 15 Lakhs • Sukanya Samriddhi Yojana – 1 Lakh • Fixed Deposits – 6 Lakhs • PPF – 10 Lakhs • Gold Bond – 3.5 Lakhs • Existing Stock + Mutual fund portfolio – 12 Lakhs • Home Loan outstanding – 7.6 Lakhs Please let me know whether my current investment is enough for peaceful retirement of do I need to invest more. Kunal
Ans: Assessing Your Retirement Readiness
Current Financial Status
Congratulations on taking proactive steps towards securing your financial future. Your current investments reflect a disciplined approach towards wealth accumulation.

Evaluating Retirement Goals
To determine if your current investments are sufficient for a peaceful retirement, we must assess your retirement goals, expected expenses, and desired lifestyle.

Analyzing Retirement Corpus
Considering your age, family size, and current investments, we'll estimate the corpus required to sustain your lifestyle post-retirement.

Estimating Retirement Expenses
We'll evaluate your projected retirement expenses, including living costs, healthcare, children's education, and any other financial obligations.

Identifying Retirement Income Sources
Besides your existing investments, we'll explore other potential income sources during retirement, such as pension, rental income, or part-time work.

Conducting Retirement Gap Analysis
After assessing your retirement corpus requirements and income sources, we'll identify any shortfall or surplus in meeting your retirement goals.

Recommendations for Retirement Planning
Increase Monthly Savings: Given your current savings rate, consider boosting your monthly contributions to SIPs, NPS, and stocks to bridge the retirement gap.

Diversify Investment Portfolio: Explore diversification opportunities by investing in a mix of equity, debt, and balanced funds to optimize returns and manage risk.

Review Asset Allocation: Rebalance your portfolio periodically to maintain an appropriate asset allocation aligned with your risk tolerance and retirement timeline.

Consider Retirement-oriented Funds: Evaluate the option of investing in retirement-oriented mutual funds or pension plans to enhance retirement savings.

Pay off Home Loan: Aim to clear your home loan outstanding to reduce financial liabilities and free up cash flow for retirement savings.

Monitor and Adjust: Regularly monitor your investments' performance and make necessary adjustments to stay on track towards your retirement goals.

Conclusion
While your current investments demonstrate prudent financial planning, it's essential to reassess your retirement strategy periodically. By implementing the recommended measures and staying committed to your financial goals, you can enhance the likelihood of enjoying a peaceful and financially secure retirement.

Best Regards,

K. Ramalingam, MBA, CFP,

Chief Financial Planner,

www.holisticinvestment.in

..Read more

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Ramalingam Kalirajan  |7635 Answers  |Ask -

Mutual Funds, Financial Planning Expert - Answered on May 13, 2024

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Hello Sir, My age is 43, married and having two daughters (age 14 & 6) and have monthly net salary of Rs. 55k and I am saving around 20k per month (various SIPs-10K, NPS 5K & Stocks-5K) My other investments are as follows; • EPF – as of now 4 Lakhs • Post office MIS – 9 Lakhs • Post office NSC – 15 Lakhs • Sukanya Samriddhi Yojana – 1 Lakh • Fixed Deposits – 6 Lakhs • PPF – 10 Lakhs • Gold Bond – 3.5 Lakhs • Existing Stock + Mutual fund portfolio – 12 Lakhs • Home Loan outstanding – 7.6 Lakhs (Owned apartment current value is 50 Lakhs) Please let me know whether my current investment is enough for peaceful retirement of do I need to invest more.
Ans: You've made commendable strides in securing your financial future, but let's delve deeper to ensure a comfortable retirement awaits you:

Your current savings strategy, including SIPs, NPS contributions, and investments in various instruments, demonstrates a proactive approach towards wealth accumulation. However, to ascertain whether your current investments suffice for a peaceful retirement, let's analyze your financial position comprehensively.

Your existing investments across EPF, post office schemes, PPF, and other instruments provide a diversified portfolio catering to both short-term liquidity needs and long-term wealth accumulation. Additionally, your allocation towards Sukanya Samriddhi Yojana reflects a thoughtful consideration for your daughters' future financial needs.

Considering your age and retirement horizon, it's crucial to assess the adequacy of your retirement corpus. While your current savings rate is commendable, projecting your future expenses, inflation, and lifestyle expectations is imperative to determine the gap between your current savings and retirement goals.

Factors such as your daughters' education expenses, healthcare needs, inflationary pressures, and desired retirement lifestyle warrant careful consideration. Additionally, factoring in unforeseen circumstances and emergencies is vital to ensure financial resilience during retirement.

Your outstanding home loan adds a liability to your financial equation, albeit a manageable one. It's advisable to assess the impact of loan repayment on your cash flow and retirement savings trajectory. A structured approach to debt repayment, balancing between accelerating loan clearance and boosting retirement savings, can optimize your financial position.

To bridge any potential shortfall in your retirement corpus, consider augmenting your savings rate and exploring investment avenues offering higher returns. Reviewing your asset allocation, optimizing tax-saving strategies, and seeking professional guidance from a Certified Financial Planner can provide invaluable insights tailored to your specific circumstances.

In conclusion, while your current investments lay a solid foundation, a comprehensive review considering your financial goals, obligations, and aspirations is essential to ensure a peaceful retirement. By proactively addressing potential gaps and optimizing your savings and investment strategy, you can embark on a journey towards financial security and tranquility in your golden years.

Best Regards,

K. Ramalingam, MBA, CFP,
Chief Financial Planner,
www.holisticinvestment.in

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Ramalingam Kalirajan  |7635 Answers  |Ask -

Mutual Funds, Financial Planning Expert - Answered on Dec 27, 2024

Asked by Anonymous - Dec 11, 2024
Money
51 years old , I am started 25000 rs investment in mutual fund from last year , presently two houses one loan of rs 40 lakhs and 1/2 kg gold and 35lakhs fd, and 1 open plot of worth 65Lakhs my daughter is studying B.E and son 9th is it effoungh for my retirement.Lic of rs 5000.rs.per month.
Ans: At 51, you are building a good foundation for retirement. Let us evaluate your current situation and provide actionable insights to strengthen your plan.

Current Financial Assets
Mutual Funds: A monthly SIP of Rs. 25,000 started last year is a strong beginning.

Real Estate: You own two houses and an open plot worth Rs. 65 lakhs.

Fixed Deposits (FDs): You have Rs. 35 lakhs in FDs for stability.

Gold: Possession of 1/2 kg of gold adds diversification to your portfolio.

Insurance: A LIC premium of Rs. 5,000 monthly ensures some financial protection.

Loan: You have a Rs. 40 lakh home loan that requires regular servicing.

Strengths in Your Portfolio
Asset Diversification: Your portfolio includes real estate, mutual funds, gold, and fixed deposits.

Children’s Education: You are well-placed to support their higher education expenses.

Steady Investments: The SIP ensures consistent contributions towards wealth creation.

Areas for Improvement
Mutual Fund Investments
Expand Your SIP Contributions: Rs. 25,000 monthly may need an increase to meet retirement goals.

Focus on Active Funds: Actively managed funds can deliver higher returns than index funds over time.

Disadvantages of Index Funds: Index funds lack adaptability during market fluctuations, limiting growth potential.

Use Regular Plans Through CFP: Regular funds ensure expert guidance, tax efficiency, and consistent monitoring.

Real Estate
Low Liquidity: Real estate may not offer quick access to cash during emergencies.

Maintenance Costs: Real estate requires ongoing expenses, reducing its overall profitability.

Fixed Deposits
Inflation Risk: FD returns are lower and may not match inflation rates.

Better Alternatives: Consider debt funds for higher post-tax returns.

LIC Premiums
Low Returns: Traditional insurance policies like LIC provide limited returns compared to mutual funds.

Recommendation: Surrender and reinvest the proceeds into mutual funds for better growth.

Children’s Education Planning
Daughter’s Higher Education: Prioritise building a specific education fund for her postgraduate expenses.

Son’s Future Needs: Start early to save for his higher education.

Balanced Allocation: Use equity for growth and debt for stability in these funds.

Loan Management
Accelerate Loan Repayment: Clear your Rs. 40 lakh home loan faster to reduce interest costs.

Avoid New Debt: Focus on reducing liabilities to achieve financial independence sooner.

Emergency Fund
Liquidity is Key: Ensure at least 6–12 months of expenses in a liquid emergency corpus.

Fund Sources: Your FDs or a portion of your SIP can be redirected for this.

Retirement Planning
Corpus Estimation
Inflation Adjustment: Factor in inflation to calculate the required retirement corpus.

Living Expenses: Estimate your monthly needs post-retirement, including healthcare and leisure.

Asset Rebalancing
Gradual Shift to Debt Funds: From 55 onwards, reduce equity exposure for stability.

Balanced Allocation: Aim for a 60% debt and 40% equity ratio by retirement.

Tax Efficiency
New MF Tax Rules: Plan redemptions considering the 12.5% LTCG tax above Rs. 1.25 lakh.

Debt Funds Taxation: Gains are taxed as per your income slab; plan accordingly.

Final Insights
Your current financial status is strong, but enhancements are necessary. Increase SIP contributions, diversify into actively managed funds, and focus on reducing liabilities. Revisit your LIC policy and redirect funds for higher returns. Secure your children's education and your retirement with a clear and balanced strategy.

Best Regards,

K. Ramalingam, MBA, CFP

Chief Financial Planner

www.holisticinvestment.in
https://www.youtube.com/@HolisticInvestment

..Read more

Latest Questions
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Ramalingam Kalirajan  |7635 Answers  |Ask -

Mutual Funds, Financial Planning Expert - Answered on Jan 27, 2025

Asked by Anonymous - Jan 26, 2025Hindi
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Money
I am 66 years old and retired and have one daughter married and well settled and has 2 children aged 5 years son and 3 years daughter. I have no liabilities and have a family income of Rs.3 lakhs per month thru rental. My monthly expenses is Rs 50 K per month and annual payments of medical, vehicle and property tax is Rs.3.25 Lakhs. I have direct equity invested around 1.2 CR and Invested in PMS now valued at Rs.85 Lakhs. I have plot valued at 1.6 CR and 2 independent house valued at 3cr. I have a commercial property which gives me above rental is valued at Rs.5 CR. Now kindly advise me how i should investment my earnings which will help my daughter and 2 grand children for for their future education. My above income is after paying the taxes to the government. I lead a simple life and travel every year 2 times.
Ans: Your financial position is strong with no liabilities.

Monthly rental income of Rs. 3 lakhs covers your expenses and lifestyle.

Monthly expenses of Rs. 50,000 and annual expenses of Rs. 3.25 lakhs leave ample surplus.

You have diversified assets, including equity (Rs. 1.2 crore), PMS (Rs. 85 lakhs), real estate (Rs. 9.6 crore), and regular rental income.

You lead a simple life, which allows significant potential for wealth accumulation and legacy planning.

Investment Goals
Your primary focus is to:

Ensure financial security for your family.

Support your daughter and grandchildren’s education and future needs.

Maintain sufficient liquidity for personal travel and unexpected medical costs.

Recommendations for Asset Allocation
1. Equity Investments
Your current direct equity portfolio (Rs. 1.2 crore) and PMS (Rs. 85 lakhs) are commendable.

Direct equity requires active tracking and expertise.

Shift part of your direct equity to regular mutual funds through a Certified Financial Planner.

Regular funds offer professional management and long-term growth.

Retain PMS if it meets your return expectations and aligns with your risk appetite.

2. Emergency Fund
Allocate 6–12 months of expenses to liquid funds.

This ensures liquidity for unexpected expenses or emergencies.

Investments for Daughter and Grandchildren
1. Education Fund for Grandchildren
Start investing in child-focused mutual funds for their education.

Choose regular funds through an experienced Certified Financial Planner.

These funds offer professional management and goal-based growth.

Systematic Investment Plans (SIPs) in equity funds can help accumulate the required corpus.

2. Legacy Fund
Invest in diversified mutual funds for wealth creation.

Choose a mix of large-cap, flexi-cap, and balanced advantage funds.

This portfolio can grow steadily while preserving wealth.

Real Estate Diversification
Avoid further investments in real estate.

Real estate is illiquid and challenging to manage during retirement.

Liquidate one property if diversification is needed.

Use the proceeds to invest in mutual funds or bonds.

Fixed Income Options
Consider investing in corporate bonds or debentures for steady income.

Choose bonds rated “AAA” for safety.

Avoid annuities as they provide low returns and limited flexibility.

Tax-Efficient Planning
Review tax-saving strategies with a Certified Financial Planner.

Equity investments (LTCG above Rs. 1.25 lakh taxed at 12.5%) are tax-efficient.

Ensure proper tax documentation for real estate and rental income.

Track PMS returns and tax implications yearly.

Liquidity and Annual Expenses
Set aside Rs. 25–30 lakhs in a liquid fund.

This covers your annual travel, property taxes, and medical expenses.

Keep medical insurance for yourself and your family updated.

Succession and Estate Planning
Create a will to ensure smooth asset transfer.

Include clear instructions for property distribution.

Discuss creating a trust for your grandchildren’s education and future needs.

Travel and Lifestyle Funding
Use rental income surplus to fund annual travel.

Avoid withdrawing from long-term investments for discretionary expenses.

Final Insights
You have built a strong financial foundation.

Focus on simplifying investments for better management.

Diversify and invest in professionally managed mutual funds.

Plan for family needs with a balanced approach to risk and growth.

Regularly review your portfolio with a Certified Financial Planner.

Best Regards,

K. Ramalingam, MBA, CFP,

Chief Financial Planner,

www.holisticinvestment.in
https://www.youtube.com/@HolisticInvestment

...Read more

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Kanchan Rai  |507 Answers  |Ask -

Relationships Expert, Mind Coach - Answered on Jan 26, 2025

Asked by Anonymous - Jan 26, 2025Hindi
Relationship
He ma'am, Me and my husband are of same age 35 and its been 5yrs we got married but we don't have physical relationship at all my husband says we don't have intimacy, I forced home to visit doctor and the blood reports says all okay, as per his saying cause I don't understand the medical terms much....but if everything is okay medically still he never tries to come closer earlier we tried but he use stop in between before having sex and run to washroom and sit there for long ...and this was becoming mystry for me,bi asked him he said everything is fine it will take time and everything will be fine earlier he use to use washroom for long but now he does not .....in expectation that things will become better I wasted my 5 yrs. As a person he is good but as a husband he is lacks i wated my carrier as I am not getting any job in perticular city, and with is I started feeling useless as I had dreamt of living peaceful and happy life with him but everything went wrong no love, no emotional support, no physical intimacy no carrier nothing. I shared this with my mother in law as he was behind me for baby so one day I told her that we don't have physical relationship so please don't expect baby he didn't believe me but later on she started believing but she didn't take any action she is quite...how will I survive in this environment when I don't have reason to live...my husband support my family financially and because of that I not able to take any step..I feel suffocated at my in-laws place, I don't like to stay there he just makes me happy by shopping, watching movies that it but is this enough for the happy relationship. I was so friendly with him that I said that let me know what there in your mind you don't like me he said no I like you...then I asked him then why you don't want to get physical I started getting self-doubt on myself, he said you don't respond while sex but you tell me in 5 years we hardly tried 6-7 time and I responded him but he use to run to washroom in mid of play what would I do then I tried giving him hints for having sex but he use to ignore now you say that in 5 yrs of period we didn't has sex then don't you think there's major issue and when I say we should visit doctor then he says I have medical proof that I am physically fine... coming on my MIL part she used our bedroom toilet though we have 2 washroom out is western so she uses ours so there is no privacy our bedroom is never locked because of my MIL when I Iock my husband gets early in morning and open the lock for my MI, please tell me is this right every now and then she comes in our room and interfere in our conversation, her this behaviour feels like she is insecure about his son as FIL is more...I discuss with my husband that atleast we should have our privacy so he says yes but take no action...he does commitment but never fulfills...basic expectations I have from him that if not physical then atleast spent time with me, let's go and explore place he says yes but never go, I agreed on every point I lived according to my MIL she is selfish instead of knowing all problem she just want fasting for his son, making food what he likes, doing puja for his son success...you tell me in return I am not getting anything still I kept on doing my best to prove best bshu and best wife but no good change... I going through anxiety, stress, depression because of this I lost my confidence, no carrier nothing....now I decided to look for job in other city and thing for my mental peace and become independent because staying with him in 5 yrs didn't bring good changes instead I lost myself in my making them happy...what should I do please help ...he say that I don't want weekend wife now you tell me why I not think of myself now he says, I want to stay with you but if there is not change after so many try then it's useless he always says will work this out but it never happened, I tried my best.now I said will look for job in other city and will meet in weekend spend time together, and I will be there in all your worst situation. But now I can be jobless and asking for money everytime from him....he thinks money is the solution for all.He says no weekend wife how long this will work then but he is not giving me any choice, he says though I want to stay with you but if weekend wife the seperation is only option no divorce but seperation please guide *regarding physical relationship, *regarding my MIL interference despite of knowing everything, no privacy, her insecurity *And my decision of taking job in other as I am not getting opportunity in same city, staying together is also brings no change. Pls suggest.
Ans: The issue with the lack of physical intimacy is not simply about the act itself; it represents a disconnect in your relationship. Your husband's avoidance of intimacy and his reluctance to fully address the matter, despite your efforts, suggest deeper underlying challenges—perhaps emotional, psychological, or situational. While you’ve already taken steps by opening conversations, it’s clear that progress has stalled because this isn’t something you can resolve on your own. A professional intervention, such as couples therapy or sex therapy, could provide a neutral ground to explore these concerns. Presenting this option to him as an opportunity to strengthen the relationship rather than assign blame might help him feel less defensive. However, his willingness to engage will be a critical measure of his commitment to addressing these long-standing issues.

The lack of boundaries with your mother-in-law is another significant stressor that’s undermining your marriage and your mental peace. A healthy relationship requires a sense of security and privacy, which has been compromised by her interference. While it’s natural to want to maintain respect within a family, your husband’s inability or unwillingness to enforce boundaries is enabling a dynamic where you feel powerless and overlooked. The fact that you’ve expressed your concerns and seen no action suggests that waiting for change may not lead anywhere. You need to clearly communicate to your husband that privacy is not negotiable for the survival of your relationship. If he continues to prioritize his mother’s comfort over your peace, it will remain a barrier to the intimacy and connection you’re seeking.

The decision to pursue a job in another city reflects your need to reclaim control over your life and mental well-being. This isn’t just about financial independence—it’s about rediscovering your sense of purpose and confidence after years of feeling stuck. Your husband’s opposition to the idea of a “weekend wife” underscores his resistance to change, but his reluctance to address the core issues in the relationship leaves you with no alternative. Staying in this environment without progress will only deepen your feelings of suffocation and self-doubt. Choosing to prioritize your career is not a failure of the relationship; it’s a necessary step to protect your own mental health. You’ve already demonstrated immense patience and effort over the past five years, and now it’s time to invest in yourself.

As a coach, I would encourage you to focus on actionable steps: seeking therapy for clarity, setting non-negotiable boundaries with your husband regarding privacy and mutual respect, and pursuing your professional goals with confidence. By stepping into a space where you feel empowered, you’ll be in a better position to assess whether this relationship can evolve into the partnership you deserve. It’s important to remember that you’re not walking away from the marriage by making these decisions—you’re simply ensuring that your needs and well-being are no longer sidelined.

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Asked by Anonymous - Jan 26, 2025
Relationship
He ma'am, Me and my husband are of same age 35 and its been 5yrs we got married but we don't have physical relationship at all my husband says we don't have intimacy, I forced home to visit doctor and the blood reports says all okay, as per his saying cause I don't understand the medical terms much....but if everything is okay medically still he never tries to come closer earlier we tried but he use stop in between before having sex and run to washroom and sit there for long ...and this was becoming mystry for me,bi asked him he said everything is fine it will take time and everything will be fine earlier he use to use washroom for long but now he does not .....in expectation that things will become better I wasted my 5 yrs. As a person he is good but as a husband he is lacks i wated my carrier as I am not getting any job in perticular city, and with is I started feeling useless as I had dreamt of living peaceful and happy life with him but everything went wrong no love, no emotional support, no physical intimacy no carrier nothing. I shared this with my mother in law as he was behind me for baby so one day I told her that we don't have physical relationship so please don't expect baby he didn't believe me but later on she started believing but she didn't take any action she is quite...how will I survive in this environment when I don't have reason to live...my husband support my family financially and because of that I not able to take any step..I feel suffocated at my in-laws place, I don't like to stay there he just makes me happy by shopping, watching movies that it but is this enough for the happy relationship. I was so friendly with him that I said that let me know what there in your mind you don't like me he said no I like you...then I asked him then why you don't want to get physical I started getting self-doubt on myself, he said you don't respond while sex but you tell me in 5 years we hardly tried 6-7 time and I responded him but he use to run to washroom in mid of play what would I do then I tried giving him hints for having sex but he use to ignore now you say that in 5 yrs of period we didn't has sex then don't you think there's major issue and when I say we should visit doctor then he says I have medical proof that I am physically fine... coming on my MIL part she used our bedroom toilet though we have 2 washroom out is western so she uses ours so there is no privacy our bedroom is never locked because of my MIL when I Iock my husband gets early in morning and open the lock for my MI, please tell me is this right every now and then she comes in our room and interfere in our conversation, her this behaviour feels like she is insecure about his son as FIL is more...I discuss with my husband that atleast we should have our privacy so he says yes but take no action...he does commitment but never fulfills...basic expectations I have from him that if not physical then atleast spent time with me, let's go and explore place he says yes but never go, I agreed on every point I lived according to my MIL she is selfish instead of knowing all problem she just want fasting for his son, making food what he likes, doing puja for his son success...you tell me in return I am not getting anything still I kept on doing my best to prove best bshu and best wife but no good change... I going through anxiety, stress, depression because of this I lost my confidence, no carrier nothing....now I decided to look for job in other city and thing for my mental peace and become independent because staying with him in 5 yrs didn't bring good changes instead I lost myself in my making them happy...what should I do please help ...he say that I don't want weekend wife now you tell me why I not think of myself now he says, I want to stay with you but if there is not change after so many try then it's useless he always says will work this out but it never happened, I tried my best.now I said will look for job in other city and will meet in weekend spend time together, and I will be there in all your worst situation. But now I can be jobless and asking for money everytime from him....he thinks money is the solution for all.He says no weekend wife how long this will work then but he is not giving me any choice, he says though I want to stay with you but if weekend wife the seperation is only option no divorce but seperation please guide *regarding physical relationship, *regarding my MIL interference despite of knowing everything, no privacy, her insecurity *And my decision of taking job in other as I am not getting opportunity in same city, staying together is also brings no change. Pls suggest.
Ans: The issue with the lack of physical intimacy is not simply about the act itself; it represents a disconnect in your relationship. Your husband's avoidance of intimacy and his reluctance to fully address the matter, despite your efforts, suggest deeper underlying challenges—perhaps emotional, psychological, or situational. While you’ve already taken steps by opening conversations, it’s clear that progress has stalled because this isn’t something you can resolve on your own. A professional intervention, such as couples therapy or sex therapy, could provide a neutral ground to explore these concerns. Presenting this option to him as an opportunity to strengthen the relationship rather than assign blame might help him feel less defensive. However, his willingness to engage will be a critical measure of his commitment to addressing these long-standing issues.

The lack of boundaries with your mother-in-law is another significant stressor that’s undermining your marriage and your mental peace. A healthy relationship requires a sense of security and privacy, which has been compromised by her interference. While it’s natural to want to maintain respect within a family, your husband’s inability or unwillingness to enforce boundaries is enabling a dynamic where you feel powerless and overlooked. The fact that you’ve expressed your concerns and seen no action suggests that waiting for change may not lead anywhere. You need to clearly communicate to your husband that privacy is not negotiable for the survival of your relationship. If he continues to prioritize his mother’s comfort over your peace, it will remain a barrier to the intimacy and connection you’re seeking.

The decision to pursue a job in another city reflects your need to reclaim control over your life and mental well-being. This isn’t just about financial independence—it’s about rediscovering your sense of purpose and confidence after years of feeling stuck. Your husband’s opposition to the idea of a “weekend wife” underscores his resistance to change, but his reluctance to address the core issues in the relationship leaves you with no alternative. Staying in this environment without progress will only deepen your feelings of suffocation and self-doubt. Choosing to prioritize your career is not a failure of the relationship; it’s a necessary step to protect your own mental health. You’ve already demonstrated immense patience and effort over the past five years, and now it’s time to invest in yourself.

As a coach, I would encourage you to focus on actionable steps: seeking therapy for clarity, setting non-negotiable boundaries with your husband regarding privacy and mutual respect, and pursuing your professional goals with confidence. By stepping into a space where you feel empowered, you’ll be in a better position to assess whether this relationship can evolve into the partnership you deserve. It’s important to remember that you’re not walking away from the marriage by making these decisions—you’re simply ensuring that your needs and well-being are no longer sidelined.

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