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42-Year-Old with Family Asks: How to Survive and Retire by 53 with 70 Lakhs?

Ramalingam

Ramalingam Kalirajan  |7337 Answers  |Ask -

Mutual Funds, Financial Planning Expert - Answered on Jul 17, 2024

Ramalingam Kalirajan has over 23 years of experience in mutual funds and financial planning.
He has an MBA in finance from the University of Madras and is a certified financial planner.
He is the director and chief financial planner at Holistic Investment, a Chennai-based firm that offers financial planning and wealth management advice.... more
Asked by Anonymous - Jun 19, 2024Hindi
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I am 42 years old living with my wife 2 children of 7 years girl and 1 year boy.. Monthly salary around 1 lakh..monthly exp around 55-60 per month including one child study..we have around 70 lakh..one property with estimate value of 35 lakh..5 lakh in Pf...2 Lakh in stock market.although my job is not stable but also somehow atleast 60-70 I will earn either from job or small business till 52 age. What should I do to survive and want retirement @ 52-53 age...is it possible to survive for us with this situation.

Ans: At 42 years old, your goal of retiring at 52-53 with financial stability is achievable, given your current assets and income. Let's analyze your situation and outline a plan to secure your retirement.

Current Financial Position
Income and Expenses
Your monthly income is Rs. 1 lakh, and expenses are Rs. 55-60 thousand per month, including your child's education expenses. This leaves you with a manageable surplus for savings.

Assets
You have assets totaling around Rs. 70 lakhs, including a property valued at Rs. 35 lakhs, Rs. 5 lakhs in PF, and Rs. 2 lakhs in the stock market. These assets form a substantial base for your retirement planning.

Job Stability
Although your job isn't stable, you anticipate earning Rs. 60-70 thousand monthly until age 52 through either employment or a small business. This income projection adds to your financial security.

Retirement Planning Strategy
Build an Emergency Fund
Start by building an emergency fund. Aim for 6-12 months’ worth of expenses. This fund will safeguard your family in case of job fluctuations or unexpected expenses.

Invest Wisely
Diversified Investments
Invest your savings wisely. Diversify across assets like mutual funds, PPF, and possibly reallocation of stock market investments to reduce risk.

Avoid High-Risk Investments
Given your goal of retiring in 10-11 years, prioritize safer investments with moderate returns. Steer clear of high-risk ventures that could jeopardize your savings.

Child's Education Planning
Continue investing in your child's education. Plan systematically to cover future educational expenses, considering inflation and other financial obligations.

Retirement Corpus
Estimate Retirement Needs
Calculate your retirement needs based on current expenses and expected inflation. Factor in healthcare costs and lifestyle adjustments for accurate planning.

Regular Reviews
Regularly review and adjust your financial plan. Seek guidance from a Certified Financial Planner (CFP) to optimize investments and stay on track with retirement goals.

Family Security
Insurance Coverage
Ensure adequate insurance coverage for health and life. This protects your family against unforeseen medical expenses and provides financial support in case of any unfortunate event.

Estate Planning
Consider estate planning. Draft a will to secure your assets for your family's future. Consult a legal advisor for proper documentation.

Final Insights
With disciplined savings, strategic investments, and prudent financial planning, retiring at 52-53 is feasible for you. Maximize savings, diversify investments, and seek professional advice for optimal results. Your dedication to financial stability and family security will pave the way for a comfortable retirement.

Best Regards,

K. Ramalingam, MBA, CFP,

Chief Financial Planner,

www.holisticinvestment.in
DISCLAIMER: The content of this post by the expert is the personal view of the rediffGURU. Users are advised to pursue the information provided by the rediffGURU only as a source of information to be as a point of reference and to rely on their own judgement when making a decision.
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Ramalingam Kalirajan  |7337 Answers  |Ask -

Mutual Funds, Financial Planning Expert - Answered on Jul 12, 2024

Asked by Anonymous - Jul 02, 2024Hindi
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I am 46 years, my wife and me both arw working with 400000 every month in hand. I have 4 houses , 3 under loan. The loan iutstanding is 2,10,00000 and I pay around 212000 as Emis , I have 2 girk children, 1 is 15 years and the other is 10 yeara old. Looking at the curreny market trend I dont think we will survive next 5 years. The property market vakuation would be around 38500000. How do I manage my finances to have a rwapectful retirement. Please nite we dont have any pf or savings but have around 2300000 in sukanya sanridhi.
Ans: First, let's take a moment to appreciate your proactive approach in managing your finances. Both you and your wife have a substantial monthly income of Rs 4,00,000. This is commendable and provides a solid foundation for financial planning.

You have four houses, three of which have loans. The outstanding loan amount is Rs 2,10,00,000, with EMIs totaling Rs 2,12,000. Your property portfolio is valued at Rs 3,85,00,000. Additionally, you have Rs 23,00,000 in Sukanya Samriddhi Yojana (SSY) for your daughters.

Now, let’s break down the steps to ensure a secure financial future for your family and a comfortable retirement.

Managing Debt Effectively
The EMI burden of Rs 2,12,000 is significant, considering it consumes over half of your monthly income. Here’s a strategy to manage this effectively:

1. Prioritize Loan Repayment:

Focus on paying off high-interest loans first. This will reduce your interest burden and free up more funds for savings and investments.

2. Refinance or Consolidate Loans:

If possible, refinance your loans to get a lower interest rate. Consolidating loans can also simplify payments and potentially reduce your interest rate.

Enhancing Savings and Investments
Given that you don't have any provident fund or substantial savings apart from SSY, it’s crucial to start building your savings and investment portfolio.

1. Emergency Fund:

Establish an emergency fund with at least six months of living expenses. This fund should be easily accessible and kept in a savings account or a liquid fund.

2. Systematic Investment Plan (SIP):

Start SIPs in mutual funds to build a diversified investment portfolio. This will help in wealth accumulation over time. Actively managed funds, chosen with the help of a Certified Financial Planner (CFP), can potentially offer better returns than index funds.

3. Sukanya Samriddhi Yojana (SSY):

Continue investing in SSY for your daughters. This is a great tool for their future education and marriage expenses due to its high-interest rates and tax benefits.

Planning for Children's Education
With daughters aged 15 and 10, education expenses will soon be a major financial responsibility. Here’s how to plan for it:

1. Education Savings Plan:

Estimate the future cost of their education and start dedicated SIPs to meet these expenses. An actively managed equity fund can offer higher returns to meet these long-term goals.

2. Education Loan:

Consider education loans to fund higher education. This will distribute the financial burden and provide tax benefits under Section 80E.

Retirement Planning
To ensure a comfortable retirement, you need to start saving and investing aggressively.

1. Retirement Corpus:

Estimate your post-retirement expenses and the corpus required to sustain them. Start SIPs in diversified equity mutual funds to build this corpus. Equity exposure is crucial for long-term growth.

2. Regular Investments:

Invest a portion of your monthly income in mutual funds through a CFP. This professional guidance ensures optimal fund selection and rebalancing to achieve your retirement goals.

Insurance Coverage
Insurance is a critical component of financial planning. Ensure you have adequate coverage:

1. Term Insurance:

If not already covered, purchase a term insurance policy. This will provide financial security to your family in case of any unfortunate event.

2. Health Insurance:

Ensure you have comprehensive health insurance coverage for the entire family. Medical expenses can be a significant drain on savings, and adequate insurance mitigates this risk.

Building an Investment Portfolio
Given the current market trends, it’s essential to diversify your investments. Here’s a plan:

1. Diversified Mutual Funds:

Invest in a mix of large-cap, mid-cap, and small-cap funds. Actively managed funds, recommended by a CFP, can provide superior returns compared to index funds.

2. Debt Funds:

Include debt funds for stability and regular income. These funds are less volatile and provide a steady return.

3. Gold:

Allocate a small portion to gold. It’s a good hedge against inflation and market volatility.

Reducing Risk and Maximizing Returns
Balancing risk and returns is crucial in financial planning. Here’s how to achieve it:

1. Asset Allocation:

Maintain a balanced asset allocation based on your risk tolerance. A mix of equity, debt, and gold ensures stability and growth.

2. Regular Monitoring:

Review your investment portfolio regularly with a CFP. This ensures your investments are aligned with your goals and market conditions.

Tax Planning
Efficient tax planning can enhance your savings and investments. Here’s how:

1. Tax-saving Investments:

Utilize Section 80C by investing in instruments like ELSS funds, PPF, and SSY. These investments offer tax benefits and help in wealth accumulation.

2. Home Loan Benefits:

Claim tax deductions on home loan interest under Section 24 and principal repayment under Section 80C. This reduces your tax liability.

Final Insights
Your current financial situation is challenging but manageable with the right strategies. Focus on reducing debt, enhancing savings, and investing wisely. Seek professional guidance from a Certified Financial Planner (CFP) to navigate complex financial decisions and achieve your goals.

Your proactive approach and commitment to financial planning are commendable. With disciplined saving, prudent investing, and strategic planning, you can secure a comfortable retirement and ensure a bright future for your daughters.

Best Regards,

K. Ramalingam, MBA, CFP

Chief Financial Planner

www.holisticinvestment.in

..Read more

Ramalingam

Ramalingam Kalirajan  |7337 Answers  |Ask -

Mutual Funds, Financial Planning Expert - Answered on Jul 11, 2024

Money
I am 42 of age.. Living with family, my wife, 2 kid, daughter 7 year old and son 1.5 year old.. I m jobless.. Wife salary 80k aftar tds and PF (10k per month )..if we having 70 lakh and one property which current value around 40 lakh...but i m jobless..Can we survive if plan for retirement in the age of 50..
Ans: First, let's assess where you stand financially. Your wife earns Rs 80,000 after TDS and PF. You have Rs 70 lakhs in savings and a property worth Rs 40 lakhs. With no current job, planning for retirement by age 50 is crucial.

Having a clear understanding of your financial situation helps in making better decisions for the future. You have a solid foundation, but with careful planning, we can ensure a comfortable retirement.

Evaluating Your Monthly Expenses
To plan effectively, we need to understand your monthly expenses. This includes rent, groceries, utilities, children's education, and any other recurring costs. Knowing this will help us see how much you need to sustain your current lifestyle.

Reducing unnecessary expenses can free up more money for investment. Every rupee saved today can grow significantly by the time you retire.

Income and Savings
Your wife's income is Rs 80,000 per month. This is your primary source of income. It's essential to save a portion of this income regularly. Aim to save at least 20-30% of this income every month.

Your current savings of Rs 70 lakhs provide a good buffer. However, these funds need to be invested wisely to grow over time and support your retirement goals.

Investment Options
Investing in mutual funds can be a wise decision. Mutual funds offer the potential for higher returns compared to traditional savings accounts. They are managed by professionals who aim to maximize returns while managing risks.

Mutual funds come in various categories: equity funds, debt funds, hybrid funds, and more. Each category has its own risk and return profile. It's essential to diversify your investments across different types of funds to balance risk and reward.

Benefits of Actively Managed Funds
Actively managed funds have fund managers who actively select stocks to beat the market. They adapt to market changes and aim for higher returns. The personalized approach can be more beneficial than passive index funds, which simply mirror the market.

Actively managed funds may have higher fees, but they also have the potential for higher returns. The expertise of fund managers can help in navigating market volatility and achieving better outcomes.

Power of Compounding
Investing early allows you to take advantage of compounding. Compounding is when your investment earns returns, and those returns earn more returns. The longer your money is invested, the more it can grow.

Starting now, even small amounts can grow significantly over time. Regular investments, even modest ones, can build a substantial retirement corpus.

Diversification
Diversification is spreading your investments across different asset classes to reduce risk. By not putting all your money into one type of investment, you can protect yourself from market volatility.

Invest in a mix of equity and debt funds. Equities provide growth potential, while debt funds offer stability. This balance helps in managing risk and ensuring steady returns.

Insurance Coverage
Ensure you have adequate insurance coverage. Life insurance is crucial to protect your family's financial future in case of an unforeseen event. Health insurance is also vital to cover medical expenses.

Review your current policies and assess if they meet your needs. Consider term insurance for life coverage and a comprehensive health insurance policy for medical expenses.

Emergency Fund
Having an emergency fund is essential. This fund should cover 6-12 months of your living expenses. It acts as a safety net in case of unexpected expenses or job loss.

Keep this fund in a liquid form, such as a savings account or a liquid mutual fund. This ensures you can access the money quickly when needed.

Education Fund for Children
Setting up an education fund for your children is important. Education costs are rising, and having a dedicated fund ensures you can provide for their future.

Invest in child-specific mutual funds or education plans. These plans are designed to grow your money over time and meet educational expenses when required.

Retirement Planning
Your goal is to retire by age 50. This means you have 8 years to build a retirement corpus. Calculate how much you will need to sustain your lifestyle post-retirement.

Consider factors like inflation, life expectancy, and desired lifestyle. A certified financial planner can help create a detailed retirement plan tailored to your needs.

Systematic Investment Plan (SIP)
A Systematic Investment Plan (SIP) is a disciplined way of investing. You invest a fixed amount regularly in mutual funds. This not only inculcates a saving habit but also averages out the cost of investment over time.

SIPs are flexible and can be started with a small amount. They are a great way to build wealth gradually and systematically.

Assessing Risks
Understand the risks involved in investing. Equity funds are subject to market risks, but they also offer higher returns. Debt funds are safer but offer lower returns.

Balancing your portfolio with a mix of equity and debt funds can help in managing risks. Regularly review your portfolio to ensure it aligns with your goals and risk tolerance.

Monitoring and Rebalancing
Regularly monitor your investments to track their performance. Rebalancing is adjusting your portfolio to maintain the desired asset allocation.

Market conditions change, and rebalancing helps in taking advantage of these changes. This ensures your investments are aligned with your financial goals.

Tax Planning
Effective tax planning helps in saving money. Invest in tax-saving instruments like Equity Linked Savings Schemes (ELSS), Public Provident Fund (PPF), and others.

These investments not only help in saving taxes but also provide growth potential. Consult a certified financial planner to understand the best tax-saving options for you.

Utilizing Professional Help
A certified financial planner can provide personalized advice. They can help create a comprehensive financial plan, monitor your investments, and suggest adjustments.

Professional guidance ensures your financial decisions are well-informed and aligned with your goals. It also helps in staying disciplined and focused on your financial journey.

Lifestyle Adjustments
Consider making lifestyle adjustments to save more. Cutting down on non-essential expenses can free up more money for investments.

Living a modest lifestyle now can ensure a comfortable retirement later. Prioritize spending on necessities and save the rest for future needs.

Generating Additional Income
Look for ways to generate additional income. This could be through freelance work, part-time jobs, or monetizing a hobby.

Additional income streams can provide financial security and accelerate your investment goals. Be proactive in exploring opportunities to earn extra money.

Appreciating Your Efforts
Your efforts to plan for the future are commendable. It's not easy to manage finances, especially with current challenges.

Your determination to secure your family's future and plan for retirement is truly inspiring. Keep up the good work and stay focused on your goals.

Final Insights
Planning for retirement at age 50 requires careful planning and disciplined execution. With your current resources and wife's income, it's achievable.

Regular savings, smart investments, adequate insurance, and professional guidance are key. Stay committed to your plan, and you can enjoy a secure and comfortable retirement.

Best Regards,

K. Ramalingam, MBA, CFP,

Chief Financial Planner,

www.holisticinvestment.in

..Read more

Ramalingam

Ramalingam Kalirajan  |7337 Answers  |Ask -

Mutual Funds, Financial Planning Expert - Answered on Oct 21, 2024

Asked by Anonymous - Oct 20, 2024Hindi
Money
I am 53 year old, will retire at 57,my monthly expenditure is ?45000.I have two kids daughter is doing engineering &son is in primary class, my financial stability is mentioned as follows:PF ?60 LAC, Bank balance:?20lac, equity:?6lac, MIS:?9Lac, NSC:?2lac, plots worh:?40 lac.please suggest me way foward how can I manage to retire or better my situation.
Ans: . The goal is to ensure a smooth and secure retirement, especially considering your children’s education and other future commitments.

Understanding Your Financial Assets
Let’s begin by assessing your existing assets and investments:

Provident Fund (PF): Rs 60 Lakhs
This is a significant part of your retirement corpus. It provides stability due to its low-risk nature.

Bank Balance: Rs 20 Lakhs
This serves as an emergency fund, though it may not be working optimally for you in terms of growth.

Equity: Rs 6 Lakhs
Your equity investments have growth potential but come with inherent risks.

Monthly Income Scheme (MIS): Rs 9 Lakhs
This is a stable investment for generating regular income but offers limited returns.

National Savings Certificate (NSC): Rs 2 Lakhs
This offers guaranteed returns, which is a safe but low-return option.

Plots Worth Rs 40 Lakhs
Though valuable, real estate investments may not be very liquid. Selling them may require time, and they may not provide regular income.

Evaluating Your Financial Goals
Your retirement is just four years away, so it’s crucial to assess how you’ll manage your monthly expenses post-retirement. Your expenditure of Rs 45,000 per month should be planned with inflation and longevity in mind. Let’s also consider your children's education, as this is a major financial commitment.

Monthly Expenses Post-Retirement
Your current expenses of Rs 45,000 per month may increase with inflation, and you should aim for a retirement income plan that can adjust to this. Planning for inflation over a retirement period of 25-30 years is essential.

Children’s Education
Your daughter is currently pursuing engineering, and your son is still young. Your daughter’s education may need Rs 15-20 lakhs for the entire course. For your son, it’s too early to determine, but planning is essential.

Optimising Your Assets for Retirement
To help you achieve financial stability post-retirement, here are a few steps you can take to optimise your existing portfolio:

1. Diversify and Optimise Your Equity Portfolio
Currently, you have Rs 6 lakhs in equity investments. Equity can offer you good returns over time, but it carries risks. Since you are just four years from retirement, reduce your exposure to high-risk equities. However, completely withdrawing from equity would not be advisable either because you need growth in your portfolio. A mix of equity and debt would work better in this case.

Actively Managed Mutual Funds can help balance risk and return. These funds are managed by professionals who aim to outperform the market. Actively managed funds are a better choice than index funds because they provide more flexible management and better returns during volatile periods.

Balanced Advantage Funds
These funds can be a good option because they dynamically balance between equity and debt. This helps manage risk better and provides the possibility of good returns, even during market volatility.

2. Enhance Your Monthly Income
Your MIS of Rs 9 lakhs is generating stable but modest returns. Instead of relying solely on MIS, you can shift some of this amount to Debt Mutual Funds. These funds offer better post-tax returns compared to traditional debt instruments and can provide stability with slightly higher returns.

Debt Mutual Funds
These funds provide better tax efficiency, especially when held for more than three years. The returns are lower than equity but more stable, which suits a pre-retirement stage like yours.

Systematic Withdrawal Plan (SWP)
For regular income, SWP in debt funds is a great option. It allows you to withdraw a fixed amount each month, and the rest of the corpus keeps growing.

3. Review Your Real Estate Investment
You currently have plots worth Rs 40 lakhs. While real estate holds value, it may not provide regular income or liquidity. Selling one of the plots could free up money that can be better invested elsewhere, especially for post-retirement regular income. Real estate can take time to sell, so start the process early if you plan to liquidate this asset.

4. Emergency Fund & Short-Term Needs
Your bank balance of Rs 20 lakhs is a good emergency fund. It ensures you have liquidity for any immediate needs. However, it’s advisable to move a part of this to a liquid fund for slightly better returns.

5. Plan for Your Children’s Education
Since your daughter is already pursuing engineering, you likely have some ongoing education expenses. Plan for her remaining tuition fees and other costs by setting aside a specific amount from your PF or bank balance. Consider education-focused mutual funds for your son’s future education needs.

Managing Post-Retirement Income
You will need a steady monthly income after retirement, and you can generate this income through a combination of the following:

Systematic Withdrawal Plans (SWPs) in mutual funds
As mentioned earlier, SWP can be set up in debt or balanced mutual funds. This provides regular monthly income while allowing your corpus to grow.

Debt Mutual Funds for stability
You can rely on debt mutual funds for lower risk and tax-efficient returns. You can shift some of your MIS investments into these funds.

Equity-Linked Savings Schemes (ELSS)
You may consider putting a small portion in ELSS for tax savings and potential growth.

Tax Implications and Considerations
Understanding the tax impact on your investments is essential for a smooth financial plan. Here’s how different investments are taxed under new rules:

Equity Mutual Funds
Long-term capital gains (LTCG) above Rs 1.25 lakh are taxed at 12.5%, while short-term gains are taxed at 20%.

Debt Mutual Funds
Both LTCG and short-term gains are taxed as per your income tax slab.

Final Insights
Given your current financial situation and upcoming retirement in four years, focusing on generating regular income with minimal risk is key. Here’s a quick recap of the key points:

Diversify your portfolio by balancing equity and debt investments.

Use actively managed mutual funds instead of index funds for better risk-adjusted returns.

Consider shifting a portion of your MIS and bank balance into mutual funds to generate higher post-tax returns.

Plan for your children’s education by setting aside a specific corpus.

Start liquidating your real estate holdings if they don’t provide regular income or are difficult to manage.

By taking these steps, you can secure your retirement and ensure that your children’s education needs are met. You’ll also build a sustainable income stream that can support your Rs 45,000 monthly expenditure after retirement.

Best Regards,

K. Ramalingam, MBA, CFP,
Chief Financial Planner,
www.holisticinvestment.in
https://www.youtube.com/@HolisticInvestment

..Read more

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I am talking to a boy for arranged marriage. He said me that come to Bangalore you will have a good career. But he is also asking me if I can leave my job if I have got some responsibility in life to which I said yes. Then I said that I prefer own cooked food over cook cooked food. Then he asked me if I can cook for 2 people to which I said that I will have to look if I can do. He seems to be supportive when he talks on phone. Is he brain washing me, should I say yes or no. Is he a red flag. What should I do.
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It isn't fair to label someone as a red flag over a few days of conversation; seeing women take up responsibilities of home and disregard their own career or needs might be what he has seen growing up and it's not him being a red flag intentionally. A lot has to do with upbringing. What I can suggest with confidence is that if you love having your own job, and your own financial independence then please be vocal about it. Just because he is asking you to leave your job doesn't mean you have to do it- you are only in the talking phase. You are not married yet. You have ample time to rethink your choice. Cooking and housework shouldn’t just be your responsibility, just like earning and providing shouldn’t only be his. It’s about sharing the load equally. Having said that, I should also mention that every relationship is different, and each couple finds their own way of balancing things. Ultimately, everything boils down to what you are comfortable with- please take some time to figure that out and only then decide whether or not to take this relationship ahead.

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Hi, My GF of last 2.5 years gets attracted to men very often and shares her feelings with me as well. She developed feelings for a guy a year back and he kissed her once when they were drunk. She said she didn't had time to react and Later they had a talk, she informed me that they chose to be friends, she doesn't seems to in talking terms any more with him. She talks to lot of male friends who she claims are from LGBTQ community which I doubt whether all are or not. I always say she has the freedom to move on any given day but she can't cheat but she doesn't think getting attracted to multiple men and acting on it as cheating . She says, she is free spirited and she is ok even if I visit a prostitute house. She is in her early 30s. She had a crush another guy on insta and said she will definitely try him if he wasn't lot younger than her but later said he is her best friend and she is in constant touch. Lately, she says vibe doesn't match and have problem saying I am her BF. I tried to move on from relationship 2-3 times because of her above traits and now stopped talking since few days. She had both mental and medical issues. Can I trust her and will she have any mental issues again?
Ans: While it’s commendable that she is honest about her feelings and gives you the freedom to make your choices, it’s equally important to consider whether her values and actions align with what you need in a partner. Relationships thrive when there’s mutual respect, understanding, and agreement on boundaries. If her actions or mindset make you feel undervalued or emotionally unsafe, it’s crucial to reflect on whether this relationship is truly serving your well-being.

The fact that you’ve tried to move on multiple times suggests that there is a deeper discomfort within you about the dynamics between you two. Trust is not just about fidelity; it’s about emotional safety, reliability, and mutual respect. If her behavior consistently makes you question her commitment or your place in her life, that erosion of trust can become difficult to rebuild.

As for her mental and medical challenges, it’s important to approach those with empathy, but also with a clear understanding that you cannot "fix" or "heal" someone unless they are actively seeking and working toward their own well-being. If she has not addressed her mental health or continues behaviors that affect the relationship without taking responsibility, it can lead to ongoing strain for you. Her mental health challenges are not excuses for harmful behavior, nor should they become reasons for you to sacrifice your own emotional health.

You’ve already shown patience and willingness to work through these challenges, but the repeated cycles of doubt and frustration may be a sign that the relationship is taking more from you than it’s giving. Ask yourself if you feel supported, valued, and emotionally safe in this partnership. Relationships should bring out the best in you and your partner, not leave you questioning your worth or constantly trying to accommodate behavior that feels unfair.

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Relationships Expert, Mind Coach - Answered on Dec 26, 2024

Asked by Anonymous - Dec 23, 2024Hindi
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Hi Anu, My husband is in living relationship with another lady since April in another country. At the same time, he acused me as selfish for doing my PhD in my native country and put me in mental trauma by verbally accusing.Also,he was very clever, he step by step get rid of all the things related to our relationship and took bank all the bank fund in my name.After that he blocked me.I had doubts on his extra marital and asked him 1000 times. But he simply insulted and blocked me from all social media eventually. After finishing my PhD pre submission, when i went to meet him, in his place. I found him, shifted to another apartment. But i somehow, found it and there i came to knew, he is staying with a lady there for past months. I broke down and informed all his friends. Now he is threatening me for signing mutual consent, otherwise he will make false allegations and tore my good name..Already he partially did that. When I talked to his friends, he was crooked enough to tell them, i am a psycho, ademant, career oriented lady. I told him i am ready to give him mutual divorce after once we met in person. I want to ask him why he cheated me.but he is not ready to meet, he is asking me to talk to his advocate. What shall I do now?
Ans: While it’s natural to want answers and closure, sometimes people who betray us in such profound ways refuse to provide the accountability we seek. Closure doesn’t always come from the other person. It can come from recognizing that their actions stem from their own flaws and failings, not because of anything lacking in you. It can come from choosing to let go of the need for explanations and focusing instead on rebuilding your own sense of peace and purpose.

You’ve already demonstrated incredible strength by standing up to him and exposing the truth to his friends. That takes courage. But this is also a time to lean into your inner resilience and ensure you’re supported by professionals who can guide you through the legal and emotional complexities. Speaking with a family lawyer who understands the nuances of your situation will help you feel empowered to navigate his threats and protect your rights. At the same time, connecting with a counselor or therapist can offer a safe space to process your emotions and begin to heal from this trauma.

It’s okay to grieve the relationship and the betrayal. It’s okay to feel anger, sadness, or even numbness at times. These emotions are all part of the process of moving forward. Allow yourself to feel them without judgment, but also remind yourself that this pain is temporary and does not define you. You are more than what has been done to you.

When you feel ready, try to shift your focus away from him and his actions and toward your own well-being and future. You’ve worked so hard on your PhD and have built a life full of potential and possibility. This chapter doesn’t have to define the rest of your story. You are capable of creating a life that is free from manipulation and filled with self-respect, joy, and the kind of peace that comes from living authentically.

Lean on the people who believe in you, who see your value, and who can remind you of your strength when you feel unsure. Remember, you don’t have to handle this alone. Whether it’s through professional guidance or emotional support from trusted loved ones, there are paths forward that will help you rise above this situation. You deserve a life where your worth is honored, your boundaries are respected, and your happiness takes center stage.

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Kanchan

Kanchan Rai  |447 Answers  |Ask -

Relationships Expert, Mind Coach - Answered on Dec 26, 2024

Asked by Anonymous - Dec 23, 2024Hindi
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Relationship
Hello, I am a 35-year woman from Manali, divorced for three years now. My family is constantly pushing me to get remarried, saying it’s ‘for my own good.’ But honestly, I don’t feel the need for marriage again. I’m financially stable, have great friends, and I genuinely enjoy my independence. Despite explaining this to my family multiple times, they keep bringing up alliances and even guilt-trip me, saying things like, ‘Who will take care of you when you’re older?’ or ‘What will society think?’ I’m exhausted from these arguments and feel like I’m being cornered into something I don’t want. How do I stand firm in my decision while maintaining my relationship with my family? How do I help them understand that being single is a choice, not a problem to fix?
Ans: When speaking to your family, try to approach the conversation from a place of empathy. Acknowledge their intentions by telling them you understand their worries and that they want what they believe is best for you. Express gratitude for their care—it often helps diffuse their defensiveness. However, it’s equally important to gently but firmly assert that your happiness is not dependent on remarriage. Share how content you are with your current life, emphasizing your financial stability, fulfilling friendships, and personal growth.

Sometimes families struggle to accept choices that diverge from traditional norms, often driven by fears about societal perceptions or imagined futures. Reassure them that your decision is rooted in thoughtful consideration and self-awareness, and that you’ve built a life that brings you peace and joy. If they bring up concerns like loneliness or old age, you can address these by expressing how you’ve cultivated strong support systems and how your independence equips you to face challenges.

It might also help to set gentle boundaries. For instance, you could say, “I appreciate that you care for me, but I’d like our time together to focus on enjoying each other’s company instead of discussing remarriage.” It’s okay to redirect conversations or take a break from them when you feel cornered.

Lastly, remember that changing deeply ingrained beliefs takes time. Your family might not immediately understand your perspective, but consistency and calm communication will help over time. It’s not your responsibility to conform to their expectations if doing so diminishes your sense of self. By staying true to your values while showing compassion for their concerns, you’re paving the way for mutual respect and understanding.

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Dr Nandita

Dr Nandita Palshetkar  |36 Answers  |Ask -

Gynaecologist, IVF expert - Answered on Dec 26, 2024

Asked by Anonymous - Dec 19, 2024Hindi
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Health
Dr, I’m 35 years old from Jamnagar, and my husband and I have been trying for a baby for the past year, but nothing seems to be working. I recently visited a fertility clinic in neighborhood , and after a few tests, they mentioned that I might have blocked fallopian tubes. The gynaec also talked about possible treatments like surgery or IVF, but I’m really confused and worried. Should I go for a laparoscopy to check the severity, or are there any other alternatives that could help me? I’m really anxious and just want to understand my options better before making any decisions.
Ans: History noted.
Considering your age 35 years, trying to conceive since, one year and few test done, one of which suggest possibility of tubal blockage, there are various modalities of treatment.
Firstly, you can do laparoscopy to note the severity if blockage and do tubal cannulation.
Tubal cannulation is often the first line of treatment for patients with blocked fallopian tubes because it's a non-invasive procedure that's widely available.
Tubal cannulation is a procedure that can unblock fallopian tubes and is highly successful for proximal tubal blockages, with a success rate of over 80%. However, it may not be successful for all patients and is not recommended for distal tubal occlusions.
This procedure if successful can avoid IVF procedure. Laparoscopy has…
Yes, before ivf get all your blood test, ecg, 2 D echo, xray chest to rule out any illness
Same with your husband to get semen analysis and viral markers with blood sugars to be done.

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Dr Nandita

Dr Nandita Palshetkar  |36 Answers  |Ask -

Gynaecologist, IVF expert - Answered on Dec 26, 2024

Asked by Anonymous - Dec 17, 2024Hindi
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Health
Hello Doctor, I’m in my late 20s, and lately, I’ve been feeling like something’s off with my body. My periods either show up way too early, sometimes not at all for months. And, I’ve been putting on weight even though I haven’t changed my diet or exercise routine. My skin has also turned into a battlefield with acne all over, which I never used to have before. My cousin, who’s around my age, just found out she has PCOS, and her mom (my aunt) went through something similar when she was younger. Now, I’m scared because I’ve been hearing all these horror stories about how it can affect fertility, and I’m not even married yet. What if it’s a family thing and I end up facing the same problems? My mom says, ‘Don’t worry, it’ll be fine,’ but I can’t stop thinking about it. Should I see a gynecologist, or is there another kind of doctor I should be visiting? What tests should I do to get to the bottom of this before it gets worse? Honestly, I’m feeling overwhelmed and just want to know what’s going on before it’s too late.
Ans: Hello, noted your concerns
You are in late 20’s with irregular periods, acne, weight gain,
You are undergoing hormonal imbalance
We need to do certain blood test like
CBC, tsh prolactin fasting insulin level
Hba1c, testosterone level
DHEA, LH FSH ESTRADIOL LEVEL
Amd AMH level to check for fertility level
Usg pelvis to rule out
Pcos
The mainstay treatment. For pcos is lifestyle changes
1) Daily exercise, walks. Zumba, running
2) Good nutritious food with proteins, vitamins, minerals, low carbs and fats
3) good adequate sleep 7 to 8 hours
4) stress management: yoga meditation, breathing exercise
5) supplements to controls effects of pcos
6) low dose OC PILLS TO regularize the cycles

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