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Ramalingam

Ramalingam Kalirajan  |7510 Answers  |Ask -

Mutual Funds, Financial Planning Expert - Answered on May 11, 2024

Ramalingam Kalirajan has over 23 years of experience in mutual funds and financial planning.
He has an MBA in finance from the University of Madras and is a certified financial planner.
He is the director and chief financial planner at Holistic Investment, a Chennai-based firm that offers financial planning and wealth management advice.... more
Asked by Anonymous - May 05, 2024Hindi
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Hi, I am 35 old with having private sector job. I had savings about 2L from RD, but during job seeking it is uitlized fully. Now again started job 6 months back with in hand 55K. I have savings of SIP (inclusive profits ) upto 5.8L, and RD of 56K, NPS around 2.9L (inclusiv profits). having NO FD. RD, SIP & NPS is stopped from 1.5 years back. I am planning to invest in land for home which cost around 33L for 9Months period. So, here will have to pay 25% amount for first month to land owner, and will need to pay continue from salary about 40K for remaining 9 months. Have some gold during marriage. so it may give upto 1.5L. After 9 months completed, will take property/land loan with monthly EMI of 40K to 50K. Request some suggestion for financial management and new savings idea.

Ans: It sounds like you're navigating a significant transition period with your job and housing plans. Let's outline some steps for your financial management and explore new savings ideas.

Evaluate Current Finances: Firstly, assess your current financial situation, including your savings, investments, and liabilities. Understand your cash flow and expenses to make informed decisions.

Budgeting: Develop a monthly budget considering your income, expenses, and savings goals. Allocate funds for essential expenses, loan EMIs, and savings for your future goals, including the land purchase and eventual home loan EMIs.

Emergency Fund: Prioritize building an emergency fund to cover unexpected expenses or financial emergencies. Aim to set aside at least three to six months' worth of living expenses in a liquid savings account.

Resume SIPs and NPS Contributions: Consider restarting your SIPs and NPS contributions to continue building your investment portfolio for long-term financial security. These systematic investments can help you accumulate wealth over time.

Land Purchase: Since you're planning to invest in land for a home, ensure thorough due diligence before proceeding. Evaluate factors like location, legal clearances, and future development prospects. Negotiate payment terms that align with your financial capabilities.

Loan Planning: When taking a property/land loan after nine months, ensure you're comfortable with the EMI payments and factor them into your budget. Compare loan options from different lenders to secure the best terms and interest rates.

Gold Assets: While gold can provide liquidity, consider diversifying your investments into other asset classes for long-term growth potential. Review your gold holdings periodically and decide whether to continue holding or liquidate based on your financial goals.

New Savings Ideas: Explore additional avenues for savings and investments, such as:

Tax-saving investments like Equity Linked Savings Schemes (ELSS) or Public Provident Fund (PPF).
Regular contributions to a retirement corpus through schemes like the National Pension System (NPS) or Voluntary Provident Fund (VPF).
Building a diversified investment portfolio with a mix of equity mutual funds, debt instruments, and possibly real estate investment trusts (REITs) for added diversification.
Remember to consult with a financial advisor to tailor a plan that aligns with your specific financial goals and risk tolerance. Stay disciplined in your savings and investment approach to achieve long-term financial stability and security.

Best Regards,

K. Ramalingam, MBA, CFP,

Chief Financial Planner,

www.holisticinvestment.in
DISCLAIMER: The content of this post by the expert is the personal view of the rediffGURU. Users are advised to pursue the information provided by the rediffGURU only as a source of information to be as a point of reference and to rely on their own judgement when making a decision.
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Ramalingam

Ramalingam Kalirajan  |7510 Answers  |Ask -

Mutual Funds, Financial Planning Expert - Answered on May 06, 2024

Asked by Anonymous - May 02, 2024Hindi
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Hi Sir, I am 36, in hand salary is 2.4 lakhs per month(including rental) I have 2 properties 1st current market value 2.2cr outstanding loan 40 lakhs 2nd. 60 lakh outstanding loan of 28 lakhs(taking tax benefit on this). Apart from this I personally have 0 savings in cash. My wife is housewife. At current market value we will have roughly 60 lakhs of gold. Recently bought a car on loan with emi of 35k. My monthly emi outflow is 1.1 lakh with roughly 1 lakh as additional monthly expense. Whatever I am able to save currently I am using it to pay of my Housing loan no.1. Need your suggestion on financial planning & decision that I should take in future
Ans: Given your financial situation, it's important to prioritize debt management, savings, and investment planning to achieve your long-term financial goals. Here are some tailored suggestions:

Debt Management:
Continue prioritizing the repayment of your housing loans. Focus on clearing high-interest debt first, such as the outstanding loan on Property 1.
Explore options to accelerate debt repayment, such as allocating any surplus income towards loan prepayments.
Review the terms of your car loan and consider refinancing if possible to reduce the monthly EMI burden.

Emergency Fund:
Establish an emergency fund equivalent to at least 6-12 months of your household expenses. This fund will provide a financial buffer in case of unexpected events like job loss or medical emergencies.
Set aside a portion of your monthly income towards building this fund gradually, even while repaying loans.

Savings and Investments:
Once you have built an emergency fund, allocate a portion of your income towards systematic savings and investments.
Consider investing in tax-efficient instruments like Equity Linked Savings Schemes (ELSS) to optimize tax benefits while generating potential long-term returns.

Diversify your investment portfolio across asset classes such as equity, debt, and gold to mitigate risk and enhance overall returns.

Insurance Coverage:
Review your existing insurance coverage, including life, health, and property insurance, to ensure adequate protection for your family and assets.
Consider purchasing term insurance policies to provide financial security to your dependents in the event of any unforeseen circumstances.

Financial Planning:
Engage the services of a Certified Financial Planner (CFP) to develop a comprehensive financial plan tailored to your specific goals, risk tolerance, and time horizon.
Work with your financial planner to set clear objectives, such as retirement planning, children's education, and wealth accumulation, and devise a strategy to achieve them systematically.

Budgeting and Expense Management:
Track your monthly expenses diligently to identify areas where you can optimize spending and redirect savings towards debt repayment and investments.
Create a realistic budget that accounts for all essential expenses, loan repayments, savings, and discretionary spending.

Future Financial Goals:
Define your long-term financial goals, such as retirement planning, children's education, and wealth creation, and allocate resources accordingly.
Regularly review your financial plan with your spouse and adjust strategies as needed based on changing circumstances and priorities.

By adopting a disciplined approach to debt management, savings, and investment planning, you can gradually improve your financial health and work towards achieving your long-term financial objectives. Consulting with a qualified financial advisor or planner can provide valuable guidance and support in navigating complex financial decisions and optimizing your overall financial well-being.

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Ramalingam

Ramalingam Kalirajan  |7510 Answers  |Ask -

Mutual Funds, Financial Planning Expert - Answered on May 13, 2024

Asked by Anonymous - May 09, 2024Hindi
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Money
Hi! I am a 23 year old female. I earn 1.12 lakhs/month before taxes as salary. I am only earning individual at my home. We have a house loan of 38 lakhs of 18 years that almost started 5 years ago. We used to pay 29k EMI on a loan of 28 lakhs initially but after my father's business faced huge losses, we took additional 10 lakhs loan and after defaulting on EMIs and taking a 9 month break in between, we finally pay 45k EMI on 38 lakhs loan. I have different SIPs of 9k amount that after 3-5 years would mature. For example, in one SIP I pay 5k/month. So after 5 years I would get (300000 + 60000 bonus) on it. I have to pay monthly expense of 10k/month and I pay back a few more lenders amounting to 15k/month. After all the expenses I save almost 25-30k/month. I have around 2.5 lakhs in savings. I want to save a minimum of 10-15 lakhs in 2-3 years for my marriage and family. Can you suggest how should I start my financial planning/what investments can I do to have good returns (I'm a medium risk-taker) in next 2-3 years so I can start building my family's future and have a plan for paying off the loans?
Ans: Assessing Your Current Financial Situation

Before diving into financial planning, let's assess your current financial situation. You're 23, earning a substantial monthly salary of 1.12 lakhs before taxes. However, it seems you're facing some financial challenges, primarily due to your family's housing loan and previous business losses. Your EMI for the housing loan has increased to 45k/month after additional borrowing and a break in payments.

You've also mentioned various SIPs, monthly expenses of 10k, and repayment of other lenders amounting to 15k/month. Despite these commitments, you manage to save around 25-30k/month, which is commendable.

Setting Financial Goals

Your primary financial goal is to save 10-15 lakhs in the next 2-3 years for your marriage and family. Additionally, addressing the housing loan and building a secure financial future for your family are crucial objectives.

Creating a Financial Plan

Emergency Fund:
Start by building an emergency fund to cover unexpected expenses. Aim to save at least 6-12 months' worth of living expenses, considering your family's financial situation. Keep this fund in a liquid and accessible account.

Repaying High-Interest Debt:
Prioritize paying off high-interest debt, such as personal loans or credit card debt, to reduce financial burden and interest expenses. Since you're saving a significant portion of your income, allocate a portion towards accelerating debt repayment.

Optimizing Investments:
Given your medium risk tolerance, consider a balanced investment approach. Diversify your portfolio across various asset classes, including equity, debt, and possibly real estate.

Equity Investments: Since you have a relatively short investment horizon of 2-3 years, consider equity mutual funds with a blend of large-cap, mid-cap, and balanced funds. These can potentially offer higher returns while managing risk.

Debt Investments: Given the stability they offer, consider investing in debt mutual funds or fixed-income securities. These can provide steady returns and help balance the overall risk in your investment portfolio.

Real Estate: While you haven't mentioned real estate as an investment option, it's worth considering for long-term wealth accumulation. However, ensure thorough research and due diligence before investing in property.

Systematic Investment Plans (SIPs):
Continue with your existing SIPs, as they provide a disciplined approach to investing. However, reassess the funds you're investing in to ensure they align with your financial goals and risk tolerance. Aim for a diversified portfolio of SIPs to mitigate risk.

Budgeting and Expense Management:
Review your monthly expenses and look for areas where you can potentially reduce costs. Redirect the saved amount towards your savings and investment goals. Additionally, consider discussing financial responsibilities and budgeting with your family to collectively manage expenses.

Seeking Professional Guidance:
Consider consulting with a Certified Financial Planner to tailor a financial plan that aligns with your goals and risk profile. They can provide personalized advice and guidance to optimize your financial journey.

Conclusion

In summary, building a solid financial plan requires a systematic approach, goal setting, and disciplined execution. By focusing on building an emergency fund, repaying high-interest debt, optimizing investments, and managing expenses, you can work towards achieving your short-term and long-term financial goals. Remember, consistency and patience are key virtues in the journey towards financial security.

Best Regards,

K. Ramalingam, MBA, CFP,

Chief Financial Planner,

www.holisticinvestment.in

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Ramalingam

Ramalingam Kalirajan  |7510 Answers  |Ask -

Mutual Funds, Financial Planning Expert - Answered on Jul 10, 2024

Money
I am 29 years old working male We have a family joint property of 3cr including home and no other much investments, we have a debt of rs. 75 lac on these properties and we totally earn 2 to 3 lac per month but to grow we need some financial planning for recover from debts and get good inclome
Ans: First off, it’s commendable that you’re taking charge of your financial future. At 29, you have time on your side. Your family owns joint property worth Rs. 3 crore, which is a substantial asset. However, there is a debt of Rs. 75 lakh on these properties. Your monthly family income ranges between Rs. 2 to 3 lakh, which is quite healthy. To recover from debt and achieve financial growth, you need a structured financial plan.

Property and Debt
Your joint property is a significant asset. The debt of Rs. 75 lakh on these properties is a manageable portion given the value of the asset. Reducing this debt should be a priority to enhance your net worth and reduce financial stress.

Monthly Income
Earning Rs. 2 to 3 lakh per month provides a solid foundation for financial planning. With proper management, you can allocate resources towards debt repayment, investments, and savings.

Financial Goals
Debt Reduction: Paying off the Rs. 75 lakh debt to reduce interest burden and increase financial freedom.

Investment: Growing your wealth through diversified investments to secure your financial future.

Income Growth: Enhancing your income streams for a better standard of living and financial security.

Strategic Financial Planning
Assessing Your Current Financial Situation
Debt Management:

Assess the interest rates on your current debt.
Prioritize paying off high-interest debt first.
Consider refinancing options for lower interest rates.
Income Allocation:

Create a budget to track income and expenses.
Allocate a portion of your income towards debt repayment.
Investment Strategies
Investing is key to growing your wealth. Here’s how you can approach it:

Mutual Funds:

Equity Mutual Funds: These are suitable for long-term growth. They invest in stocks and have the potential for high returns, though they come with higher risk.

Debt Mutual Funds: These are lower-risk and provide steady returns. They invest in fixed-income securities like bonds.

Balanced Funds: These funds invest in both equity and debt, providing a balance of growth and stability.

Systematic Investment Plan (SIP):

Start SIPs in mutual funds to ensure disciplined investing.
Even small monthly investments can grow significantly over time due to the power of compounding.
Direct Equity:

Investing directly in stocks can offer high returns.
It requires careful research and monitoring.
Diversify across sectors to manage risk.
Advantages of Actively Managed Funds
Actively managed funds have fund managers who make investment decisions to maximize returns. These funds aim to outperform the market and can be advantageous due to their professional management and flexibility.

Disadvantages of Index Funds
Index funds replicate a market index and aim to match its performance. They lack the potential for higher returns offered by actively managed funds. Actively managed funds, on the other hand, aim to outperform the market through strategic investments.

Diversification
Diversifying your investments across different asset classes can help manage risk and optimize returns. A mix of equity, debt, and balanced funds can provide growth while ensuring stability.

Power of Compounding
Compounding is the process where returns generate further returns. Starting early and investing regularly can significantly enhance your wealth over time. SIPs in mutual funds leverage the power of compounding, making them an effective investment strategy.

Building a Robust Investment Portfolio
Emergency Fund:

Maintain an emergency fund to cover 6-12 months of expenses.
This fund should be easily accessible and kept in a liquid asset like a savings account or liquid mutual fund.
Insurance:

Adequate insurance coverage is crucial for financial security.
Life insurance: Ensure you have a term plan that covers your family’s financial needs in your absence.
Health insurance: Opt for a comprehensive health insurance plan to cover medical expenses.
Monitoring and Rebalancing
Regularly review your investment portfolio to ensure it aligns with your financial goals. Rebalance your portfolio to maintain the desired asset allocation. This involves adjusting the proportions of different asset classes to manage risk and optimize returns.

Specific Steps for Financial Growth
Reducing Debt
Debt Consolidation: If you have multiple loans, consider consolidating them into a single loan with a lower interest rate.

Extra Payments: Use any surplus income to make extra payments towards your debt. This reduces the principal amount and interest burden.

Investing for Growth
Starting SIPs: Begin SIPs in equity mutual funds for long-term growth. Consider debt and balanced funds for stability.

Direct Equity: Invest in high-quality stocks with strong growth potential. Diversify across sectors to manage risk.

Gold: Though not a primary investment, gold can be a small part of your portfolio for diversification.

Enhancing Income
Skill Development: Invest in education and skill development to enhance your earning potential.

Side Hustles: Consider starting a side business or freelance work to generate additional income.

Creating a Financial Plan
Certified Financial Planner: Consulting a Certified Financial Planner can provide personalized advice and help create a tailored financial plan.

Regular Monitoring: Regularly review your financial plan and make adjustments as needed to stay on track with your goals.

Final Insights
To achieve financial growth and reduce debt, focus on structured financial planning. Start by assessing your current financial situation, prioritize debt reduction, and allocate resources towards diversified investments. Leverage the power of compounding through SIPs, invest in a mix of equity, debt, and balanced funds, and regularly review your portfolio.

Building a robust investment portfolio involves maintaining an emergency fund, ensuring adequate insurance coverage, and regularly monitoring and rebalancing your investments. Enhancing your income through skill development and side hustles can also contribute to your financial growth.

Your proactive approach and willingness to take charge of your financial future are commendable. With a disciplined and strategic approach, you can achieve your financial goals and secure a prosperous future.

Best Regards,

K. Ramalingam, MBA, CFP,

Chief Financial Planner,

www.holisticinvestment.in

..Read more

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Ravi Mittal  |504 Answers  |Ask -

Dating, Relationships Expert - Answered on Jan 15, 2025

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Hello sir/ma'am, i am 24 yrs old and my boy friend 25 yrs old.I met him in a friendly chat app .We were talking on calls,texting and video calls and met each other in real after a 1 yr of relationship.He is the first guy and love in my life and want to marry him.I even made my family to agree for our marriage.He too says he loves me so much and has imagined his life with me and want to marry me.He even told his parents will stick on to whatever he says.He hasn't yet conveyed to his parents yet and told he will introduce to them after his younger sister marriage.We both are students still. I recently found that,he goes to the chat apps again and chats to other girls.When i asked ..he told just friends and even questioned me saying don't u have guy friends? and don't u meet them?....i told him u r the first guy n i dont have any. When our relationship has gone till marriage...why is that he wants to chat to multiple girls?...Now,i started feeling like he doesn't love me as he expressed. He even had past 3 online relationships n all 3 breakups,he told all these before..he told i am the first girl in real life.. I am worried now.Why do guys chat with multiple girls though they are in a serious relation?..does he really love or is it a game? No physical between us.We just met once in a temple and he just kissed my hands while we are going back and got very emotional while he was about to leave. I am worried..what should i do?.please,suggest.
Ans: Dear Ammarao,
Not all men chat with multiple women when they are serious about their relationship. Some might, but most men in exclusive relationships don't continue chatting. If his chats are truly friendly, there isn't much to worry about. But if you think there is more to it, I would suggest you reconsider the relationship.

Please talk to him directly and ask him if these women are only friends and if they know he is in a committed relationship. If he is being too defensive, you can tell him that in a relationship, it is also important to focus on what your partner is comfortable with. If you do not like these online friendships, communicate it to him.

I hope this helps.

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Ravi Mittal  |504 Answers  |Ask -

Dating, Relationships Expert - Answered on Jan 15, 2025

Asked by Anonymous - Jan 15, 2025Hindi
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Recently, I (28M) had surgery and have been bedridden for 15 days. During this time, my girlfriend told me her female friend wanted to meet up with a guy. This guy was bringing along a male friend whom I’ve asked my girlfriend to avoid in the past because he tends to get touchy with her. They planned to stay in a hotel, and her friend wanted to be with the guy at night, meaning my girlfriend and the touchy guy would likely share a single room. A couple of days before the trip, she asked me if she should go. I told her it was her choice but made it clear I wasn’t happy about it. Despite that, she went, and when I confronted her, she gave responses like: • “I didn’t invite the touchy guy; the other guy did.” • “Just because you’re bedridden, you don’t want me to go outside.” • “I didn’t touch him; he got touchy with me.” Yeah, maybe I’m jealous or overthinking, but this whole situation has made me unsure about marriage altogether. Am I overreacting?
Ans: Dear Anonymous,
I really cannot comment if you are overreacting or have every reason to feel this way without knowing a bit more about the entire situation. But what I can tell is that you should communicate your feelings to your partner. Let her know that while maintaining individuality or pursuing individual wishes in a relationship is important, it is equally important to pay heed to what makes your partner uncomfortable. Your request, from what information you have provided, seemed reasonable, while her reasoning that it is the guy's fault, not hers also makes perfect sense. So I think the best course of action is to let the situation calm down and have an open conversation. Could she have avoided this meetup to make you happy? Yes. But, she could've thought that if she avoids one thing for your happiness, you might start asking her to give up more things in the future, which is a real issue in many relationships. I think it is important to clear up all of these concerns and feelings before moving on with lifelong commitment.

Hope this helps

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Nayagam P

Nayagam P P  |4047 Answers  |Ask -

Career Counsellor - Answered on Jan 15, 2025

Asked by Anonymous - Jan 14, 2025Hindi
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Career
This is my second attempt at SSC CGL, and I’ve improved since last year. But I’m still anxious about the descriptive paper. Can you suggest ways to stand out in this section and make my essay and letter writing more impactful?
Ans: The SSC CGL descriptive paper requires a clear, structured, and effective presentation. To improve your essay writing skills, review the subject matter thoroughly and avoid deviations from the central theme. Sketch an initial outline and adhere to a straightforward framework, including an Introduction, Body, and Conclusion. Start with a hook and express your thesis or stance in a concise manner. Arrange arguments in a logical order, using data, examples, and facts to establish credibility. Avoid repetition and maintain brevity.

In summary, concisely summarize the primary themes and offer a fair perspective. Avoid vernacular language and maintain appropriate sentence structure and grammar. Maintain a clean writing style and avoid overwriting.

For writing a letter, adhere to the conventional format, maintain clarity and conciseness, and articulate the purpose in the first paragraph. Use simple language and avoid intricate terminology.

Regularly engage in writing essays and correspondence on various subjects to develop adaptability. Stay informed about the latest news and hot topics. Develop time management skills and consistently proofread your work for errors.

Developing impactful essays and letters with clarity, structure, and content relevance enhances your chances of success in the SSC CGL descriptive paper. All The Best for Your Prosperous Future.

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Kanchan

Kanchan Rai  |493 Answers  |Ask -

Relationships Expert, Mind Coach - Answered on Jan 15, 2025

Asked by Anonymous - Jan 05, 2025Hindi
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How to manage stress?
Ans: The first step is to become aware of what triggers your stress. This self-awareness allows you to address the root causes rather than just the symptoms. Once you identify these triggers, you can start exploring techniques that help you cope effectively.

One effective approach is to incorporate regular self-care practices into your daily routine. This could include activities that bring you joy and relaxation, such as exercise, meditation, or spending time in nature. These practices not only help calm the mind but also improve your overall mood and resilience to stress.

Talking to someone you trust, whether a friend, family member, or professional, can also be a powerful way to manage stress. Sharing your feelings and experiences helps lighten the emotional load and provides different perspectives that might help you navigate your challenges more effectively.

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Kanchan Rai  |493 Answers  |Ask -

Relationships Expert, Mind Coach - Answered on Jan 15, 2025

Asked by Anonymous - Jan 14, 2025Hindi
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Dear Counselor, My husband and I have been together for 11 years, with 10 years of dating and 1 year of marriage. Unfortunately, our relationship has been strained over the past year due to financial disagreements. Before marriage, we discussed his personal loan, which was taken for a land purchase for his mother. The loan repayment amounts to 30% of his salary. He assured me that, except for this loan repayment, he would not contribute financially to his parents' expenses until the loan was paid off. However, his parents are now pressuring him to increase his financial support by 20%. They claim to need help clearing their debts, despite being below 45, physically fit, and earning a sufficient income to support themselves. This situation is causing tension in our marriage, as we had planned to save and invest together, having no property or financial security of our own. I'm finding it challenging to understand why my husband is not prioritizing our financial goals and future together. please help me on this. Thank you for your time and guidance.
Ans: The key here is to approach the situation with empathy and open communication. Your husband likely feels a strong sense of duty towards his parents, which is understandable given cultural and familial expectations. However, it’s also important for him to recognize the commitments and plans you’ve both made as a couple. Balancing these two responsibilities can be difficult, but it’s essential for the health of your relationship.

Start by having a calm and honest conversation with your husband. Express your feelings without blame, focusing on how the situation affects both of you and your shared goals. It’s important that he understands your perspective and how the financial strain is impacting not only your plans but also your emotional well-being.

Encourage him to discuss his feelings and the pressure he’s experiencing from his parents. Sometimes, partners may feel caught between their familial obligations and their commitments to their spouse, leading to stress and internal conflict. Understanding his point of view can help you find common ground.

You might also explore practical solutions together, such as setting clear boundaries on financial support or finding a compromise that allows both your goals and his familial obligations to be met to some extent. This could involve budgeting, setting financial priorities, or seeking financial counseling to help manage the situation more effectively.

Ultimately, it’s about finding a balance that respects both of your needs and ensures that your marriage remains a priority. By working together and communicating openly, you can navigate this challenge and strengthen your relationship.

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Kanchan

Kanchan Rai  |493 Answers  |Ask -

Relationships Expert, Mind Coach - Answered on Jan 15, 2025

Asked by Anonymous - Jan 14, 2025Hindi
Relationship
Hi Mam, I met my ex wife in the college where we both were pursuing out studies. We exchanged contacts and started speaking over phone like couple does. When we fall in live we ourselves don't know as no one propose to each other. As i finished my studies, she quit studies in the middle and decided to do hotel management course. Amd it so happened, next day her interview was lined up but unfortunately due to unavoidable circumstances she has to go to her native place. As Covid struck she git stuck in her native place and couldn't come back. And when everything became normal i insisted her to come but her mom was not allowing. After a lot of struggle her mom allowed her and she came back. In this course of time both families was aware about our relationship. My mom was against her because of 2 reasons, 1) Intercaste 2) She was from very poor and low caste background. Them too i continued the relationship and i convinced to my sister and she convinced to mom. And when she was in native place, she said once that her voice has gone has gone she need 50k for operation. I trying madly to arrange funds and one of my friend told me that she is playing with you be careful but as i was blind in love i necer listened him. When she came to Mumbai i arranged a pg accommodation for her for some time and i use to take her out for dinner as there use to be regular fights with owner. Somehow i convinced my mom and shifted her to my place. There use to be fights but we use to care for each other also at the same time. She started to do events and slowly and steadily started to work in media. She was well aware that i dont like girls working media then too i have her permission to work in media temporary. I went against everyone, my family and friend and after 7yrs of relationship we decided to get marry and it was working fine. After marriage fight increased and she used to taunt though i did so much for her. Once she was not well and as she used to taunt me i never took care of her. One day my dear friend told me to check her phone, she might be seeing someone. And when i checked she was having an affair with Assistant director, i saw msgs photos. And when i confronted she said "He is just a friend and we talk normally" I saw they both on one bed and when i forward their pics to her mom she said "There might be some problem in you only." And when i asked to my ex wife about all this she said "A person goes where he or she gets love and care" All this happened within 6-8 months of our marriage. When i came to know about all this i tod her to leave my house and she was asking for divorce because of my mon's behavior also. I think i should have not tell her to leave as when she left i don't know but i love her very much. I even told her to give me one chance as i gave her but she didn't stopped talking with her bf. And she didn't gave me a chance and went away. We have been legally divorced but still i love her and ready to accept her. But she doesn't want to come back. I am trying to forget her but couldn't. Luckily we don't have kids. Sometimes my heart says let her go she cheated you. Sometimes it says i love now also. I am struggling to forgot her as i am in contact now also. Please suggest. Thank you
Ans: it's important to acknowledge and honor the love you felt and still feel. Love doesn’t simply disappear overnight, and it’s natural to have lingering emotions, especially when you’ve shared so much history and effort to keep the relationship going. However, it’s also crucial to recognize the harm and hurt caused by her actions and the unresolved issues that led to the breakdown of your marriage.

The fact that she chose not to return and continues to maintain contact with the person she was involved with suggests that she has moved on emotionally, even if you haven’t. Holding onto hope for reconciliation can keep you trapped in a cycle of pain and longing, which makes it harder to heal and move forward.

Your heart and mind are sending you mixed signals because you’re torn between the love you still feel and the reality of the betrayal. This is a common struggle after a significant loss, but it’s important to focus on what’s best for your emotional well-being. Continuing to be in contact with her may be preventing you from healing fully. It might be beneficial to create some distance, at least temporarily, to allow yourself the space to process your feelings and begin the healing process.

Focusing on yourself and your own growth is essential. Consider engaging in activities that bring you joy, spending time with supportive friends and family, and possibly seeking professional counseling to help you work through your emotions and develop strategies to move forward.

Letting go is difficult, especially when you still have love for someone, but it’s a crucial step towards healing. Accepting that the relationship has ended and focusing on your future can help you find peace and eventually open the door to new possibilities for love and happiness.
Asked on - Jan 15, 2025 | Answered on Jan 15, 2025
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Thank you very much for ur reply. But i am finding difficult to forget her.
Ans: It might be helpful to focus on the following steps to move forward:

Acceptance: Accept that the relationship has ended and that continuing to hold on to it may be preventing you from healing. Acceptance doesn’t mean you have to stop loving her immediately, but it does mean recognizing that the relationship is no longer viable.
Self-Care: Prioritize your emotional well-being by engaging in activities that bring you joy and fulfillment. Surround yourself with supportive friends and family who can help you through this process. Consider exploring new hobbies or interests that can redirect your focus and bring positive energy into your life.
Boundaries: It might be time to set boundaries with your ex-wife, especially if staying in contact is causing you more pain. Taking a step back from communication can provide the space you need to heal and gain clarity.
Professional Support: Consider speaking with a therapist or counselor who can help you process your feelings and guide you through the healing journey. Professional support can offer valuable tools and strategies to navigate the complex emotions you’re experiencing.
Remember, healing takes time, and it’s okay to grieve the loss of the relationship. With patience and self-compassion, you can move forward, find peace, and eventually open yourself up to new possibilities and happiness in life.

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