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Ramalingam

Ramalingam Kalirajan  |8204 Answers  |Ask -

Mutual Funds, Financial Planning Expert - Answered on May 14, 2024

Ramalingam Kalirajan has over 23 years of experience in mutual funds and financial planning.
He has an MBA in finance from the University of Madras and is a certified financial planner.
He is the director and chief financial planner at Holistic Investment, a Chennai-based firm that offers financial planning and wealth management advice.... more
Sarthak Question by Sarthak on May 08, 2024Hindi
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I am 34 years old. I started investing in a SIP of 250000 per month from Nov 2023. Will be investing for 15 years to create a corpus of 30cr at 21% XIRR I am investing in 11 funds equally Hdfc mid cap Quant mid cap Motilal oswal mid cap Tata nifty midcap 150 momentum 50 index fund Quant small cap Sbi nifty small cap 250 index Hdfc large and mid cap Icici large and mid cap Quant flexi cap Parag parikh flexi cap Sbi energy opportunities fund Please suggest If I should consider any changes.

Ans: That's a very impressive start to your investment journey! A monthly SIP of Rs. 2,50,000 for 15 years shows great commitment. Let's discuss your portfolio and your ambitious target corpus:

1. Large Investment, Great Potential!

Disciplined Approach! Investing such a significant amount consistently shows discipline. This is a key factor for wealth creation.

Diversified Portfolio: Your portfolio has a mix of Mid Cap, Small Cap, Large & Mid Cap, Flexi Cap, and a Sectoral Fund (Energy). Actively managed funds like these have fund managers who try to outperform the market by picking stocks they believe will grow.

Sectoral funds focus on specific industries, amplifying the risk associated with economic fluctuations and sector-specific challenges. Their narrow investment mandate exposes investors to higher volatility and concentration risk.

Additionally, sectoral funds lack diversification, making them vulnerable to adverse market conditions within the targeted sector. Timing the entry and exit points becomes crucial due to the cyclical nature of industries, increasing the complexity of investment decisions.

Overall, while sectoral funds offer potential for higher returns during sector upswings, they entail heightened risk and may not suit investors seeking broad-based diversification and stability in their portfolios.

Direct funds lack personalized advice and ongoing support, requiring investors to navigate the complexities of the market independently. They may lead to suboptimal investment decisions due to the absence of professional guidance.

In contrast, regular funds, accessed through a Mutual Fund Distributor (MFD) with Certified Financial Planner (CFP) support, offer tailored advice aligned with individual financial goals. MFDs provide valuable insights, portfolio rebalancing, and assistance during market fluctuations, enhancing investor confidence and decision-making.

Regular funds also often provide additional services such as goal planning, tax optimization, and periodic reviews, ensuring a holistic approach to wealth management.

2. Reaching Your Target:

Ambitious Goal! Targeting a Rs. 30 crore corpus in 15 years with a 21% XIRR (internal rate of return) is highly ambitious. Historically, Equity has delivered good returns, but there are no guarantees.

Market Performance Matters! Market fluctuations can significantly impact your final corpus. A 21% XIRR might be difficult to achieve consistently over 15 years.

3. Let's Analyze Your Portfolio:

Multiple Mid Cap Funds: Having three Mid Cap Funds might lead to overlapping holdings. Consider merging some for better diversification.

Actively Managed vs. Index Funds: While actively managed funds have the potential for higher returns, they also come with higher fees. A small allocation to an Index Fund could provide broader market exposure.

4. Seek Professional Guidance:

Role of a CFP: A Certified Financial Planner (CFP) can analyze your risk tolerance, investment goals, and assess your portfolio.

Personalized Strategy: A CFP can recommend an optimized portfolio allocation that balances risk and reward to potentially maximize your returns and reach your goals.

Remember, reaching your financial goals requires a well-defined strategy, discipline, and realistic expectations of market returns. Consulting a CFP can help you create a personalized plan and increase your chances of success.

Here's the key takeaway: You've made a fantastic start! Consider consulting a CFP to fine-tune your portfolio and potentially reach your long-term goals.

Best Regards,

K. Ramalingam, MBA, CFP,

Chief Financial Planner,

www.holisticinvestment.in
DISCLAIMER: The content of this post by the expert is the personal view of the rediffGURU. Users are advised to pursue the information provided by the rediffGURU only as a source of information to be as a point of reference and to rely on their own judgement when making a decision.
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Ramalingam

Ramalingam Kalirajan  |8204 Answers  |Ask -

Mutual Funds, Financial Planning Expert - Answered on Apr 23, 2024

Asked by Anonymous - Apr 23, 2024Hindi
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Sir, I am 35, following are my SIPs per month: I have just started investment 1. Canara Robeco ELSS Tax Saver- Rs. 1000/- 2. HDFC Large and Mid Cap Fund Regular Growth- Rs. 1000/- 3.HDFC Flexicap Fund Regular Plan Growth- 1000/- 4. HDFC Retirement Saving Fund- Regular Plan Growth-1000/- 5. HDFC Balanced Advantage Fund - Regular Plan Growth- 1000/-. 6. Icici prudential Balanced Advantage Fund Regular-1000 7. Icici prudential Dividend Yield Fund-1000 8. Icici prudential Equity and Debt fund-1000 9. Icici prudential Value and Discovery fund-1000 10. Nippon small and multi cap-1000 Please suggest whether if any changes needed or should I continue investing on above mf
Ans: You've set a strong foundation with a diverse range of funds, showing a proactive approach to investing. However, there are a few considerations to keep in mind to optimize your portfolio:

Diversification: While diversifying across fund types is good, ensure you're not over-diversifying within similar categories. Consolidating similar funds can simplify your portfolio.
Consistency: Regular review is essential. Keep an eye on fund performance, and if a fund consistently underperforms its benchmark or peers, consider replacing it.
Goals Alignment: Ensure your investment choices align with your financial goals. For example, ELSS for tax-saving should ideally be held for the long term, while balanced funds can offer a mix of growth and stability.
Risk Tolerance: Understand your risk tolerance. Some funds like small and mid-cap or value discovery can be more volatile but offer higher growth potential. Ensure your portfolio aligns with your risk appetite.
Costs: Keep an eye on the expense ratio. Lower expense ratios can improve your returns over the long term.
Considering these factors, you might consider:

Consolidating funds with similar objectives.
Reviewing the performance of Icici prudential Dividend Yield Fund and Nippon small and multi-cap, as these categories can be volatile.
Rebalancing your portfolio periodically to ensure alignment with your goals and risk tolerance.
Remember, while it's essential to stay invested for the long term, regular reviews and adjustments can help optimize your returns and keep your portfolio aligned with your financial goals. Consult with a financial advisor for personalized advice tailored to your needs.

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Ramalingam

Ramalingam Kalirajan  |8204 Answers  |Ask -

Mutual Funds, Financial Planning Expert - Answered on May 14, 2024

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hello sir, I am 35 yrs and planning to retire after 10yrs with 3 cr corpus currently I am investigating 35k/mo in sips Navy nifty50 index fund: 12k Mirai asset large cap: 500rs Edelweiss mid cap fund: 2k Navy nifty150 midcap fund: 7k Motilal oswal nifty small cap 250 index: 5k parag parekh flexi cap: 3k tata dogital india fund: 1k mirai aset large and mid cap: 2.5k pgim india mid cap: 2k 1L /yr in ssy(2014), 50k /yr NPS (2022), 50k ppf (2004), SGB 40gm till now current corpus is 20L+ can you plz suggest if anything needs to change here
Ans: It's fantastic to see your proactive approach to retirement planning at such a young age. With a clear goal in mind and a diversified investment portfolio, you're on the right track to achieving financial independence in the next decade.

Assessing Your Investment Strategy
Let's take a closer look at your current investment allocation and evaluate if any adjustments are necessary to optimize your portfolio for long-term growth and stability.

Equity Investments
You've made a wise choice by investing in a mix of equity mutual funds covering different market segments. However, it's essential to ensure that your portfolio remains balanced and aligned with your risk tolerance and investment horizon.

Nifty 50 Index Fund: This provides broad exposure to the top 50 companies in the Indian market, offering stability and growth potential over the long term.

Active vs. Passive Management:
While you've included both actively managed mutual funds and index funds (ETFs) in your portfolio, it's important to understand the differences between the two. Actively managed funds aim to outperform the market through active stock selection and portfolio management, while index funds passively track a specific index's performance.
Benefits of Actively Managed Funds:
Actively managed funds offer the potential for higher returns compared to index funds, especially during market inefficiencies or when skilled fund managers can identify lucrative investment opportunities. Additionally, active management allows for flexibility in portfolio construction and adjustments based on market conditions.
Potential Disadvantages of Index Funds:
While index funds offer low expense ratios and broad market exposure, they may lack the potential for outperformance compared to actively managed funds. Additionally, they're subject to tracking error, which occurs when the fund's performance deviates from the index it's designed to replicate.


Large Cap Funds: Mirae Asset and Mirai Asset Large & Mid Cap Fund provide exposure to established companies with strong fundamentals, suitable for investors seeking stability and steady growth.

Mid and Small Cap Funds: Edelweiss Mid Cap Fund, Navy Nifty 150 Midcap Fund, Motilal Oswal Nifty Small Cap 250 Index, and PGIM India Mid Cap Fund offer higher growth potential but come with increased volatility. Ensure that the allocation to these funds aligns with your risk appetite.

Flexi Cap Funds: Parag Parikh Flexi Cap Fund provides flexibility to invest across market caps and sectors, offering diversification and potential for capital appreciation.

Sectoral Funds: Tata Digital India Fund focuses on the digital sector, which has significant growth prospects. However, sectoral funds can be volatile and may require careful monitoring.

Debt and Other Investments
Your allocation to debt instruments and government schemes provides stability and tax benefits, complementing your equity investments.

Sukanya Samriddhi Yojana (SSY): Investing in SSY for your daughter's future is a prudent decision, offering tax-free returns and financial security.

National Pension System (NPS): NPS provides an additional avenue for retirement savings, with tax benefits and the option to choose between equity, corporate bonds, and government securities.

Public Provident Fund (PPF): PPF offers tax-free returns and long-term wealth accumulation, making it a suitable option for retirement planning.

Sovereign Gold Bonds (SGB): Investing in SGBs diversifies your portfolio and hedges against inflation, providing stability during uncertain times.

Reviewing and Rebalancing
Periodically review your investment portfolio to ensure it remains aligned with your goals and risk tolerance. Consider rebalancing your portfolio if there are significant changes in market conditions or your financial situation.

Conclusion
Overall, your investment portfolio is well-diversified and structured to achieve your retirement goal. However, regular monitoring and adjustments may be necessary to adapt to changing market dynamics and personal circumstances. Keep up the excellent work, and remember that consistency and discipline are key to long-term investment success.

Best Regards,
K. Ramalingam, MBA, CFP,

Chief Financial Planner,

www.holisticinvestment.in

..Read more

Ramalingam

Ramalingam Kalirajan  |8204 Answers  |Ask -

Mutual Funds, Financial Planning Expert - Answered on May 25, 2024

Asked by Anonymous - May 24, 2024Hindi
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Hi I am 25 year old and have started investing in SIPs for the first time since last hear. I do 1. HDFC Index Fund Nifty 50 -5,500 2. MIRAE Asset Midcap fund - 3500 3. Axis small cap - 2500 4. JM Flexicap - (one time investment) - 20,000 5. Aditya Birla Sun Life PSU equity - (one time) - 6000 6. Quant Mid cap - 3,500 7. Quant Infrastructure- 1,000 8. ICICI Prudential retirement - 1000 9. QUANT ELSS - 1,000 10. Parag Pareikh - 1000 11. Nippon India - 1000 12. SBI PSU - 1000 Overall my monthly SIP goes around 25,000-30,000 and my plan is to retire at the age of 50 with 5 Crore. XIRR - 27.33% Please suggest if i need to make any changes
Ans: It's impressive to see a 25-year-old like you investing diligently in SIPs. Your commitment to securing your financial future early is commendable. Let's evaluate your portfolio and see if any changes are necessary to help you achieve your goal of Rs 5 crore by the age of 50.

Diversification and Allocation
You have a diverse portfolio with investments across different categories:

Large-cap Index Fund

Mid-cap Funds

Small-cap Fund

Flexi-cap Fund

Sector Funds (PSU, Infrastructure)

Retirement Fund

ELSS Fund

This diversification helps spread risk and capture growth from various market segments.

Disadvantages of Index Funds
Index funds, like your HDFC Index Fund Nifty 50, track the market and offer average returns. They cannot outperform the market. Actively managed funds, managed by experts, aim to beat the market, offering potential for higher returns. Given your long investment horizon, actively managed funds could be more beneficial.

Benefits of Actively Managed Funds
Actively managed funds are overseen by professional managers who make strategic decisions to outperform the market. These funds can provide better returns, especially in volatile markets. With the right selection, actively managed funds can significantly enhance your portfolio's performance.

Disadvantages of Direct Funds
Direct funds have lower costs but lack professional guidance. Investing through a Mutual Fund Distributor (MFD) with a CFP credential ensures you receive expert advice. This professional support helps in making informed decisions and aligning investments with your financial goals.

Assessing Your Sector Funds
Your investments in sector funds like Quant Infrastructure and SBI PSU can offer high returns but also come with high risk. Sector funds are dependent on the performance of specific sectors. Diversifying too much into sector funds can increase risk. Consider limiting exposure to sector funds to balance your portfolio.

Importance of Reviewing Portfolio
Regularly reviewing your portfolio is essential to ensure it aligns with your financial goals. Market conditions and personal circumstances change over time. A periodic review helps in rebalancing your portfolio and maintaining the desired risk-return profile.

Evaluating Long-Term Goals
Your goal of Rs 5 crore by the age of 50 is ambitious but achievable with a disciplined approach. Considering the power of compounding and historical market returns, maintaining a consistent investment strategy will be key to reaching your target.

Projecting Future Returns
While exact future returns are unpredictable, a diversified portfolio with a mix of actively managed funds and strategic investments can provide good growth. Historically, equity mutual funds have delivered around 12-15% annual returns. Adjusting your portfolio to optimize for this growth can help achieve your long-term goal.

Suggestions for Improvement
Increase Allocation to Actively Managed Funds: Shift some investments from index funds to actively managed funds to potentially achieve higher returns.

Reduce Sector Fund Exposure: Limit investments in sector-specific funds to manage risk better.

Regular Reviews and Rebalancing: Periodically review and rebalance your portfolio to ensure it remains aligned with your goals and market conditions.

Conclusion
Your current investment strategy is strong and diversified, setting a solid foundation for future growth. With some adjustments to focus more on actively managed funds and regular portfolio reviews, you can enhance your chances of achieving your Rs 5 crore goal by the age of 50. Consulting with a Certified Financial Planner can provide tailored advice to optimize your investment strategy.

Best Regards,

K. Ramalingam, MBA, CFP,

Chief Financial Planner,

www.holisticinvestment.in

..Read more

Ramalingam

Ramalingam Kalirajan  |8204 Answers  |Ask -

Mutual Funds, Financial Planning Expert - Answered on Nov 01, 2024

Asked by Anonymous - Oct 31, 2024Hindi
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I started monthly sip since oct 2022 in the following funds. Mirae asset midcap fund regular growth (2000) Parag parikh flexi cap regular (2000) Sbi midcap reg(2000) Sbi magnum global reg(2000)(stopped investing since Aug 2024, but not redeemed) Pgim mid cap reg(2000) (stopped investing since feb 2024, but not redeemed) From jan 2024 Nippon small cap fund (500 ,gradually increased to 6500 from july 2024) Quant small cap direct (2000) from July 2024 Also hsbc mid cap reg (3000) from may 2024 Sbi contra fund reg(3000) from may 2024 Quant mid cap reg (3000) from may2024 Please advice , whether l am investing in the right funds and suggest if any corrections or rectification to be done. Your advice will be of great help Should I increase/alter or continue for another 5/7 years with the same funds Please advice Regards
Ans: You’ve structured a diversified portfolio of mid-cap, small-cap, flexi-cap, and contra funds, which shows a well-considered approach. Let's take a closer look to evaluate each aspect.

1. Portfolio Structure and Goals Alignment

Investing in mid-cap and small-cap funds provides growth opportunities. However, these funds also come with higher risk and volatility.

Including a flexi-cap fund like Parag Parikh is a wise choice. Flexi-cap funds bring stability by dynamically investing across large, mid, and small caps. This adds a level of risk management.

Adding contra funds such as the SBI Contra Fund brings diversification and the potential to benefit from out-of-favor sectors. This is a good balance against mid-cap and small-cap funds.

Your portfolio choices display strategic thought, but it may need a few adjustments to maximize returns and minimize risk.

2. Insights on Fund Selection: Regular vs. Direct

You’ve wisely chosen regular plans for most funds. Investing through a Certified Financial Planner (CFP) can offer ongoing insights and proactive management, especially when markets fluctuate. This adds significant value for long-term investors, as MFDs with CFP credentials offer experienced guidance and assistance with changes in tax laws, like the recent CG taxation updates.

Direct funds might have lower fees, but they can lack the support and expertise that a CFP-backed plan offers. Regular plans ensure the added advantage of advisory support, making it easier to align investments with your goals.

3. Re-evaluating Sector and Market Cap Allocation

Mid-Cap Allocation: With multiple mid-cap funds (Mirae, SBI, HSBC, and Quant), your exposure here is relatively high. While mid-cap funds can yield higher returns, they are susceptible to volatility. It might be wise to reduce the number of mid-cap funds and focus on the most consistent performer among them. For example, continuing with one or two robust mid-cap funds rather than four can bring simplicity and reduce overlapping.

Small-Cap Allocation: Small caps add substantial growth potential but come with high volatility. Starting with a lower SIP amount in the Nippon Small Cap fund and gradually increasing it reflects a balanced approach. Ensure you’re comfortable with small-cap risks, as these funds tend to have longer recovery periods after market corrections.

Flexi-Cap and Contra Funds: The inclusion of Parag Parikh Flexi Cap and SBI Contra Fund introduces both flexibility and contrarian strategies into your portfolio. Retaining these is recommended, as they provide a counterbalance to the mid- and small-cap funds, improving portfolio stability.

4. Evaluating the Role of Fund Overlap and Rationalizing Choices

Having multiple funds in the same category, especially within mid-cap and small-cap funds, can lead to overlapping holdings. Overlap means you may own similar stocks across different funds, which could limit diversification and increase risk without added benefits.

Consider streamlining your investments by selecting the most reliable performers in each category. This approach optimizes your portfolio, making it easier to track and manage.

5. Suggestions for Portfolio Refinement and Long-Term Growth

To maintain simplicity while achieving growth, here are some suggestions:

Reduce the Number of Mid-Cap Funds: Retain the top-performing mid-cap fund that aligns with your goals. For instance, focusing on Mirae or Quant Mid Cap may bring optimal returns without the need for multiple funds in this category.

Small-Cap Funds: Continue with the gradual increase in your SIP in Nippon Small Cap if the fund performance and your risk tolerance remain aligned. Quant Small Cap can complement Nippon Small Cap, but monitor its performance over the next year to decide if it remains suitable for your portfolio.

Avoid Frequent Changes: SIPs work best when maintained over long periods. Continue with your SIPs in chosen funds consistently for at least 5–7 years to allow compounding and market cycles to benefit your investments.

6. Should You Increase Your Investment Amount?

Assessing Contribution Levels: If you have the capacity to increase your SIP, consider doing so in funds with balanced exposure like flexi-cap or balanced advantage funds. These funds are typically better suited for conservative increases as they manage volatility effectively.

Long-Term Perspective: Given your 5–7 year timeframe, additional contributions in mid-cap or flexi-cap funds may offer solid returns. Avoid increasing allocation to small-cap funds too aggressively due to their higher risk.

7. Understanding the Disadvantages of Index Funds in Your Portfolio

While index funds offer passive growth, they lack the active management needed to outperform the market. Actively managed funds, like those in your portfolio, are better suited to deliver returns above the index through stock selection and sector rotation. These funds aim to maximize gains during bullish markets and minimize losses during downturns, which is critical for achieving your financial goals.

8. Tax Implications on Future Gains

The recent changes in Capital Gains (CG) taxation should be considered:

Equity Funds (like mid-cap, small-cap, flexi-cap): Long-term capital gains (LTCG) above Rs 1.25 lakh are taxed at 12.5%. Short-term gains are taxed at 20%.

Debt Funds (if considered in the future): Gains are taxed as per your income tax slab, regardless of holding duration.

Understanding these implications allows you to plan redemptions and adjust investments efficiently.

Finally

Your current portfolio reflects strategic and goal-oriented thinking. With a few refinements—such as consolidating funds, monitoring performance, and potentially increasing SIPs in stable fund categories—you can optimize growth while managing risk effectively.

For best results, consider annual reviews with your Certified Financial Planner to keep your investments aligned with any changes in goals or market conditions.

Best Regards,
K. Ramalingam, MBA, CFP
Chief Financial Planner,
www.holisticinvestment.in
https://www.youtube.com/@HolisticInvestment

..Read more

Latest Questions
Janak

Janak Patel  |26 Answers  |Ask -

MF, PF Expert - Answered on Apr 09, 2025

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One fincart advisor contacted me for giving me advise regarding mutual funds and investment of sector is fincart a good company or not to invest
Ans: Hi Sammer,

An adviser/company to be categories as good or not is a bit subjective. I say this because you may find people who have had a good experience with them and those who did not have a good one.

But let me try to help you with some pointers that can help you decide
1. Before asking what they can offer you, ask them - "What do you gain by becoming my advisor?" Their response will give you insight into their objectives. If its not clearly stated, then consider it a RED flag.
2. Are they going to advise based on your preferences or they have a selected list that you need to choose from. I have heard of adviser pushing different products without considering your preferences e.g. You prefer MF and they push ULIP, Regular MF vs Direct MF etc. This can include cross selling other products that they are servicing like insurance and pension products.
3. Inquire about their process of engagement before advising you. Will they consider your requirements and evaluate them and present options to choose or start by putting the options on table and recommending MFs without understanding your goals/requirements. Simple ask, so which is the best MF scheme to invest today. If they start listing them - RED flag.
4. How will they construct a portfolio for you, structure and number of schemes in it, will it have a strategy and objective to it. Or will they keep building it over time by adding new schemes as and when. A person once came to me with a portfolio of approx. 30 lakhs with over 30 MF schemes in it - RED flag. Going beyond 5-6 schemes needs to be reviewed thoroughly.
5. What are their processes for reviewing the performance of the portfolio/schemes and how do they provide recommendation for changes in the portfolio. Will they take into account tax impacts when recommending exits.
6. Will they aim to educate you in this whole process about various aspects so as to establish and enhance their engagement, trust and your own confidence in them.
7. Most important - Will it be a fee based engagement or a commission based. Typically fee based engagements should encourage customer's preferences e.g Direct MF, using client's Demat account etc and provide recommendations for customers requirement with alternatives and options. Even when you change a recommendation, they should educate you on its impact and recommend alternative to mitigate the impact. Commission based engagements are based on their earnings from your investment. Some times their approach is to add schemes based on commissions. But there are good advisors who will stay the course of a well constructed portfolio even in this model, having the customers interest at heart.

So do your own assessment of any advisor you engage with based on the above. You can add more points of evaluation based on your own experience and knowledge.
Remember Simple strategies are more often successful.

Thanks & Regards
Janak Patel
Certified Financial Planner.

...Read more

Anu

Anu Krishna  |1585 Answers  |Ask -

Relationships Expert, Mind Coach - Answered on Apr 09, 2025

Asked by Anonymous - Apr 06, 2025Hindi
Relationship
Hi Anu! Am a 55yr old Telugu NRI Male. Father of 3 daughters (27, 23 & 18). I luv all 3 of them more than my life. I have struggled extremely hard in my life to reach this position. And, have given my best to them always. They know about that. But, what they have done has broken me. All 3 of them r NRIs like me, and Engineers. Elder one is a Masters from USA. Younger one still studying. I had planned the marraige of my elder one when she was 23. I had already conveyed this to her in advance, for which she agreed. I clearly conveyed to her, that, having 3 daughters, I cannot afford any experiments. Only, if I plan to settle off all 3 of them in a proper and phased manner, I can finish off my duties for the youngest, by the time Im 60. Else, things will become challenging if any one of them delays for any reason, and being in a Gulf Country, I loose my job anytime, or, if I have to return due to health issues, we cud become challenged financially. Effecting the settling of my daughters. So, when I went to India around 4yrs back to initiate the plans for her match making, she stunned me by conveying that, she likes someone (a Telugu but from a different equal caste). Though stunned at her reversal, I went along, and decided to approach the Boy's father, who was a close friend. But, I was in for a bigger shock, where, the Boy's father (my friend) himself approached me, and conveyed in quiet an abrupt manner, that, he is against an intercaste marraige. I conveyed this to her (my daughter) and my wife, in front of my other 2 daughters. To my surprise, i found all my 3 daughters totally silent on this subject. Except my wife, who supported me on the insult I had to face from the Boy's father (my friend). None of my daughters felt pricked at the way he conveyed his message to me. Until this incident, my wife too was supporting my daughter, despite fully knowing that she had reversed from he initial agreement. But, this incident took her away from her support and towards the family respect. This was resented by my 3 daughters against my wife. So, after this, I started to build pressure on my daughter, conveying that, lets put this behind us, and lets proceed with seeing matches for u. She conveyed that, she needs time to heal. I asked her how much time? 1month, 2 months, 6months a year? She wasnt clear about that, which made me upset. And defeated, I left back to my job outside India. Suddenly, out of the blue, I was informed by my wife, that, she has done GRE, and got a very good score of 325/340. And, she plans to go to USA for her Masters on Scholarship. I was surprised, that, I had spent Rs.40K to join a Guidance Class to help her get a good score, which she cud not the 1st time. But, this 2nd time, how cud she get such a good score without any gudance? What was her motiivation? Whatever be the case, I felt proud of her achievement, and agreed to fund her (close to 60 Lakhs). I felt that, getting such a good score, she shud seek admission in a prestigious University, whatever be the cost on me. I had conveyed to her thro her Mom (as we werent on speaking terms), that, this money is for her's and her Sisters marraige expenses, whenever their marriage comes. I had kept aside 20 lakhs each for each of my daughters exclusively as marriage expenses. And, she has to return that amount once she starts earning. This is usually what all kids going to USA for their Masters do. They return back the money taken from their Parents, or pay back the Bank Loans. But, I payed off the Bank Loan (full 60 lakhs), so, that, the interest doesnt burden her, and asked her to pay me back when she can. Condition being, she has to pay back a min 20 lakhs in time for her marraige expenses. I was further stunned and shocked by 2 more reveals. One that, she took the step to do Masters, as the Boy too was in USA, and she followed him there with his concurrence. Which again, she hid from us. 2nd being, she also took this step to escape the marraige pressure from us in the aftermath of the Boy's father's insult to me. All these 3 yrs, she never bothered to even ask or enquire about the Financial Burden her expenses has caused to the Family. Let alone trying to convey how she plans to repay them back. Worse these 3 yrs, she doesnt attend our calls (specially her mother's, as I dont call at all), talks to her Mom in a haughty tone. Seeing her, my other 2 daughters too behave with their Mother, and at times with me to the same way. As if, it is our duty to ensure that, we provide everything to them, and when they ask. Now, it has also become clear thro my 2nd daughter that, my elder one is going to marry the same guy. Where, frankly, me and my wife dont care much about at this stage. But, this betrayal by her and the following her footsteps by her Sisters is eating me day and out. And I feel my life slipping away from my hands. I lost my only Sister, around 25yrs back. Then my Mother around 16yrs back, and my father around 4yrs back. Im alone with just my wife as my Companion. Im financially well off, but, seem to have lost my will to live. I want to live only till my 3rd daughter settles in life. And bid good bye. But, each time I think in such a way, my wife's picture comes in front of my eyes. Me and my wife luv each other a lot. I have not been a perfect husband to her. But, she has always loved me with her full heart, despite her initial mistake in supporting my elder daughter on her actions. The purpose of this query, is not for guidance, but just for sharing my pain, which, I cannot share with anyone. Not even my wife. Else, she will be devastated. She too is extremely pained with the attitude of my daughters.
Ans: Dear Anonymous,
Since you have mentioned that you don't seek guidance but just wanted to share the pain; thank you for writing in and sharing and I wish you well in life and can only hope things get better for you...

All the best!
Anu Krishna
Mind Coach|NLP Trainer|Author
Drop in: www.unfear.io
Reach me: Facebook: anukrish07/ AND LinkedIn: anukrishna-joyofserving/

...Read more

DISCLAIMER: The content of this post by the expert is the personal view of the rediffGURU. Investment in securities market are subject to market risks. Read all the related document carefully before investing. The securities quoted are for illustration only and are not recommendatory. Users are advised to pursue the information provided by the rediffGURU only as a source of information and as a point of reference and to rely on their own judgement when making a decision. RediffGURUS is an intermediary as per India's Information Technology Act.

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