Home > Money > Question
Need Expert Advice?Our Gurus Can Help

Is my investment plan good? - Pooja, 27, Bangalore, Monthly Income - Rs.1.20 lakh

Ramalingam

Ramalingam Kalirajan  |7336 Answers  |Ask -

Mutual Funds, Financial Planning Expert - Answered on Aug 13, 2024

Ramalingam Kalirajan has over 23 years of experience in mutual funds and financial planning.
He has an MBA in finance from the University of Madras and is a certified financial planner.
He is the director and chief financial planner at Holistic Investment, a Chennai-based firm that offers financial planning and wealth management advice.... more
RIMA Question by RIMA on Jul 27, 2024Hindi
Listen
Money

Hi, I'm Pooja (unmarried). My monthly income is ?1.20 lakh. I am 27 years old. My investments are as follows: ?2.5 lakh/year for a private life insurance company for 10 years. ?26k/year in LIC India. ?50k/year in PPF (Public Provident Fund). Currently, I have ?3 lakh+ in PPF. I have a home loan with a monthly EMI of ?25k (6 months running, tenure is 20 years). I invest ?25k/month in ULIPs (Unit Linked Insurance Plans). I plan to withdraw the ULIP amount after 5 years to close the home loan. I pay ?80k/year for medical insurance for myself and my family. I have invested ?3 lakh in mutual funds, but currently, there is no SIP . My goal for the next 5 years is to close at least 80% of the home loan and then buy a car. I live in Bangalore, so the cost of living is high. Short-term plan: I need money for my sister's and my wedding. Is my investment strategy correct?

Ans: Assessing Your Current Investment Strategy
Pooja, you're on a great path by starting early with a diversified portfolio. Your investments in life insurance, PPF, and mutual funds show a solid foundation. However, there are areas where your strategy can be refined for better long-term growth and achieving your goals.

Evaluating Your Insurance Investments
Private Life Insurance & LIC: You are paying Rs 2.5 lakhs/year and Rs 26k/year for insurance. Insurance is essential, but investment-cum-insurance products may not provide optimal returns compared to other investments. It's wise to consider whether these policies are truly meeting your insurance needs or if you're over-allocating funds here.

ULIPs: Investing Rs 25k/month in ULIPs might not be the most effective strategy. ULIPs combine insurance with investment, but the returns can be lower due to high charges. Considering actively managed mutual funds could offer better growth potential.

Medical Insurance: Your medical insurance of Rs 80k/year is crucial. Ensure it provides adequate coverage for yourself and your family. Given the rising healthcare costs, this is a good step.

Assessing Your Home Loan Strategy
Home Loan: Your monthly EMI of Rs 25k is manageable within your income. However, the plan to use ULIP withdrawals to close the loan might not be the most efficient. Depending on the ULIP returns, you might want to consider whether this approach aligns with your financial goals.

Prepayment: Prepaying your home loan is a good strategy if your home loan interest rate is higher than what you could earn from other investments. Prepayment reduces your interest burden and helps achieve your goal of closing 80% of the loan within 5 years.

PPF and Mutual Fund Investments
PPF: Investing Rs 50k/year in PPF is a safe and tax-efficient option. With Rs 3 lakhs already accumulated, continuing this investment ensures stable, long-term growth. However, PPF has a lock-in period, so it may not be ideal for short-term needs.

Mutual Funds: Your Rs 3 lakhs investment in mutual funds is a strong start, but since you are not currently doing SIPs, you're missing out on the benefits of regular investing. SIPs can provide rupee cost averaging and reduce the impact of market volatility.

Short-Term Financial Needs
Weddings: You mentioned needing funds for your sister's and your wedding. It's essential to start earmarking these funds now. Setting aside a dedicated savings plan or investing in short-term debt funds could be helpful.
Recommendations for Improvement
Reevaluate Insurance: Consider replacing your current insurance policies with a pure term insurance plan. This can provide higher coverage at a lower premium, freeing up funds for more growth-oriented investments.

Shift from ULIPs to Mutual Funds: Redirect your ULIP investments to actively managed mutual funds. This change could help you achieve better returns and meet your home loan prepayment target faster.

Increase SIP Contributions: Start or increase SIP contributions in diversified equity mutual funds. This will help you build a corpus over time and prepare for your short-term needs.

Emergency Fund: Ensure you have an emergency fund covering at least 6 months of expenses. This fund should be kept in a liquid or short-term debt fund for easy access.

Final Insights
Your current investment strategy has a solid base, but with a few adjustments, you can achieve more substantial growth and meet your goals more effectively. Focus on maximizing returns by shifting from low-yield insurance investments to higher-yield mutual funds. Prioritize your home loan prepayment if the interest rates are high, but balance this with other investment opportunities.

Remember, the key is to ensure your investments align with your goals, risk appetite, and time horizon.

Best Regards,

K. Ramalingam, MBA, CFP,

Chief Financial Planner,

www.holisticinvestment.in
DISCLAIMER: The content of this post by the expert is the personal view of the rediffGURU. Users are advised to pursue the information provided by the rediffGURU only as a source of information to be as a point of reference and to rely on their own judgement when making a decision.
Money

You may like to see similar questions and answers below

Ramalingam

Ramalingam Kalirajan  |7336 Answers  |Ask -

Mutual Funds, Financial Planning Expert - Answered on May 13, 2024

Asked by Anonymous - May 08, 2024Hindi
Listen
Money
My current age is 30 and my current monthly take home salary is 40K per month. and My Wife Age is 29 her Salary 20K Per Month Please review my investment and suggest me is my current investment is okay or I am investing wrong way. After 15 years I want Rs 80 lakh for my daughter higher studies after next 7 years I want Rs 30 lakh for For Buying Land and after my retirement how can get Rs 2 crore after 60 years of age. SIP - Rs 10000 / - per month from 2019 till 2040 HDFC Mid Cap Plan- 3000 Paragparikh FlexiCap Plan-2000 Sbi Small Cap Plan-3000 SBI LARG And Mid Cap -2000 Home loan - Rs 7000 per month for 10 years Sukanya Samriddhi - 2000 Per month from 2019 till 2039 I Also Read To Invest More 5K Sip, Please Give You Advise.
Ans: Financial Review and Recommendations

Current Investment Analysis:

Your investment portfolio reflects a mix of equity mutual funds, Sukanya Samriddhi Yojana (SSY), and a home loan. Here's an analysis of your current investments:

Equity Mutual Funds (SIPs):

HDFC Mid Cap Fund: Rs. 3,000/month
Parag Parikh FlexiCap Fund: Rs. 2,000/month
SBI Small Cap Fund: Rs. 3,000/month
SBI Large and Mid Cap Fund: Rs. 2,000/month
Sukanya Samriddhi Yojana (SSY): Rs. 2,000/month

Home Loan: Rs. 7,000/month for 10 years

Financial Goals:

Daughter's Higher Studies (15 years): Target corpus: Rs. 80 lakhs
Buying Land (7 years): Target corpus: Rs. 30 lakhs
Retirement (After 60 years): Target corpus: Rs. 2 crores
Recommendations:

Review Asset Allocation: Your portfolio is heavily skewed towards equity mutual funds, which are suitable for long-term goals. However, ensure you have a balanced allocation across asset classes to manage risk effectively. Consider diversifying into debt or other low-risk instruments for short-term goals like buying land.

SIP Review:

Evaluate the performance of your existing SIPs and consider diversifying into different fund categories for better risk management.
Since your daughter's higher education goal is 15 years away, continue investing in equity funds but review and adjust the SIP amounts periodically based on fund performance and market conditions.
New SIP Allocation:

Allocate the additional Rs. 5,000/month SIP towards debt mutual funds or Public Provident Fund (PPF) for your short-term goal of buying land. This will provide stability and liquidity for the goal.
For long-term goals like retirement, consider increasing contributions to equity mutual funds gradually over time to benefit from compounding returns.
Emergency Fund: Ensure you have an adequate emergency fund set aside in a liquid and easily accessible instrument to cover unforeseen expenses.

Insurance Coverage: Consider investing in term insurance and health insurance policies to protect your family's financial future against unforeseen events.

Regular Review: Periodically review your investment portfolio's performance and make adjustments as needed to stay on track towards your financial goals.

Professional Advice: Consider consulting with a Certified Financial Planner (CFP) to create a comprehensive financial plan tailored to your specific needs and goals. A CFP can provide personalized recommendations and strategies to optimize your investments and achieve long-term financial security.

By following these recommendations and staying disciplined in your investment approach, you can work towards achieving your financial goals effectively.

Best Regards,

K. Ramalingam, MBA, CFP,

Chief Financial Planner,

www.holisticinvestment.in

..Read more

Ramalingam

Ramalingam Kalirajan  |7336 Answers  |Ask -

Mutual Funds, Financial Planning Expert - Answered on Jul 08, 2024

Money
Hi sir, I and my wife earn around 2 lacs in hand oer month and are both 36 without kids yet. I am investing around 1 lakh monthly in diversified funds via SIP along with around 20k in recurring deposits in banks. I have around 50 lakhs in mutual funds cumulatively and around 25lakhs in fds. I also invest in nps for 50k each year and ppf for 1 lakh annually while my employer is also paying for nps and epf on a monthly basis. I plan to have a kid somewhere down the line. I have no liabilities currently but might opt for a home loan sometime soon which will heavily dent my ability to invest on my monthly investments. My question is in 2 parts: 1. Is the current investment strategy okay? What changes do you suggest in status quo? 2. What changes should I do to my investments in case I go for a home loan which costs me around 80k in emi?
Ans: It's great that you and your wife are thinking ahead and planning for your future. Let's dive into your current investment strategy and how you can tweak it if you decide to take on a home loan. Your current investments are impressive, but there's always room for improvement.

Assessing Your Current Investment Strategy
Mutual Funds and SIPs
You invest Rs 1 lakh monthly in diversified funds via SIPs. This is a solid strategy as it allows you to invest regularly and benefit from rupee cost averaging. SIPs are great for disciplined investing and mitigating market volatility.

Mutual funds are excellent for growth and diversification. With Rs 50 lakhs already in mutual funds, you have a substantial portfolio. Diversification reduces risk and enhances returns. However, it's crucial to periodically review and rebalance your portfolio to align with your goals and market conditions.

Recurring Deposits (RDs)
Investing Rs 20k monthly in RDs is a good move for stability. RDs provide guaranteed returns and are a safe investment. However, the returns are relatively low compared to other options. You might want to consider reducing your RD investments and redirecting some funds into more growth-oriented investments.

Fixed Deposits (FDs)
You have Rs 25 lakhs in FDs. FDs are safe but offer lower returns compared to mutual funds. It's wise to have some amount in FDs for emergency liquidity, but having too much can limit your growth potential. Consider maintaining a balance between safety and growth.

National Pension System (NPS) and Provident Fund (PPF)
You contribute Rs 50k annually to NPS and Rs 1 lakh to PPF. Both are excellent for long-term retirement savings. NPS offers market-linked returns and PPF provides guaranteed returns with tax benefits. Your employer’s contribution to NPS and EPF adds to your retirement corpus, which is great.

Genuine Compliments
You're doing an impressive job with your investments. Investing regularly through SIPs and maintaining a diversified portfolio is commendable. Planning for retirement with NPS and PPF shows your foresight. Keep up the good work!

Suggested Changes in Current Strategy
Portfolio Review and Rebalancing
Regularly review your mutual fund portfolio. Assess the performance and make changes if needed. Focus on a mix of large-cap, mid-cap, and small-cap funds. Reduce the number of funds if you have too many, to avoid over-diversification.

Increasing Equity Exposure
Consider increasing your equity exposure for higher growth. Redirect some of your RD and FD investments to mutual funds. This will enhance your portfolio’s growth potential over the long term.

Emergency Fund
Ensure you have an emergency fund covering 6-12 months of expenses. This provides a safety net and prevents you from dipping into your investments during emergencies.

Preparing for a Home Loan
Impact on Monthly Investments
An EMI of Rs 80k will significantly impact your monthly cash flow. Here’s how you can adjust your investments:

Reducing SIP Amounts
You may need to reduce your SIP investments. Prioritize your essential SIPs and consider reducing contributions to less critical ones. This helps in managing your cash flow without stopping investments entirely.

Prioritizing High-Growth Investments
Focus on high-growth investments to maximize returns. Consider reducing contributions to RDs and FDs, as they offer lower returns. Redirect these funds to mutual funds with better growth potential.

Budgeting and Expense Management
Create a detailed budget to manage your expenses. Identify areas where you can cut back to free up funds for your EMI. This helps in maintaining a balance between investing and meeting your financial obligations.

Advantages of Mutual Funds
Professional Management
Mutual funds are managed by experts who make informed decisions. They analyze markets and select the best securities for the fund.

Diversification
Mutual funds offer diversification, reducing risk by investing in a variety of securities. This helps in balancing risk and return.

Liquidity
Mutual funds are relatively liquid. You can redeem your investment whenever needed, providing flexibility.

Systematic Investment Plan (SIP)
SIPs help in disciplined investing. They allow you to invest regularly, reducing the impact of market volatility.

Power of Compounding
Investing in mutual funds benefits from the power of compounding. Reinvesting returns helps your investment grow exponentially over time.

Disadvantages of Index Funds
Limited Flexibility
Index funds strictly follow the index, offering no flexibility. They can't adapt to market changes.

Average Returns
Index funds aim to match the index returns, which are average. Actively managed funds aim to outperform the index.

Benefits of Actively Managed Funds
Potential to Outperform
Actively managed funds aim to outperform the index. Fund managers make strategic decisions to maximize returns.

Flexibility
Fund managers can adapt to market conditions. They can select or avoid securities based on market trends.

Final Insights
You have a strong investment strategy and a clear vision for your future. With a few adjustments, you can enhance your returns and achieve your goals. Consider reviewing your mutual fund portfolio, increasing equity exposure, and maintaining an emergency fund.

If you decide to take on a home loan, adjust your investments to manage the EMI without compromising your financial goals. Prioritize high-growth investments and create a detailed budget to manage your expenses.

Keep up the disciplined investing approach and regularly review your portfolio. This ensures your investments are aligned with your goals and market conditions.

Best Regards,

K. Ramalingam, MBA, CFP,

Chief Financial Planner,

www.holisticinvestment.in

..Read more

Ramalingam

Ramalingam Kalirajan  |7336 Answers  |Ask -

Mutual Funds, Financial Planning Expert - Answered on Jul 27, 2024

Asked by Anonymous - Jul 20, 2024Hindi
Listen
Money
Hello Sir, I am 32 yrs old, Engineer, Married, expecting 1st kid by nxt yr, Parents getting pension of 50k. Income: 60k in Hand + 20-30k (perks separate) Needs: 25k max Investments: Saving account: 60k Emergency fund: For 12 months+ (2.5 lacs)- returns 5.5-6% RoR EPF: 0 ULIP funds: 3 lacs (CV 4.6 lacs, 10 years left) 60k/yr 1Cr Term Plan + 10 lacs critical illness cover (5 yrs left) 36k/yr Assets: Owns a 3 Bhk flat with own income Ancestral property (value 20 lacs approx, 2 Floored house- expected rent 15k/mnth in next 1 yr) Gold: 90-100 gms Own a car & a 2 wheeler X No health insurance for self & wife till 35 yrs of age Goals: Plz guide me for: 1. Early retirement by the age of 50 yrs. 2. Investment strategy for SIP, PPF, RBI Bond funds, mutual funds, SGBs or any other funds which you find suitable. 3. Buying a term plan of 1-2cr for my wife. 4. Buying a house as per my wants @ 43 yrs (PV in 2024: 70-80 lacs) 5. Build a corpus for kids higher education & marraige Thanks & Regards
Ans: Current Financial Situation
Age: 32 years old

Profession: Engineer

Family: Married, expecting first child next year

Parents: Receiving a pension of Rs. 50k

Income: Rs. 60k in hand + Rs. 20-30k perks

Needs: Rs. 25k max

Investments:

Saving account: Rs. 60k
Emergency fund: Rs. 2.5 lakhs (12 months+)
ULIP funds: Rs. 3 lakhs (Current value Rs. 4.6 lakhs, 10 years left, Rs. 60k/year)
Term Plan: Rs. 1 crore + Rs. 10 lakhs critical illness cover (5 years left, Rs. 36k/year)
Assets:

Owns a 3 BHK flat with own income
Ancestral property (value Rs. 20 lakhs, 2-floored house, expected rent Rs. 15k/month in next year)
Gold: 90-100 grams
Own a car & a 2-wheeler
Insurance: No health insurance for self and wife till 35 years of age

Financial Goals
Early retirement by age 50.
Investment strategy for SIP, PPF, RBI Bond funds, mutual funds, SGBs, or any other suitable funds.
Buy a term plan of Rs. 1-2 crore for wife.
Buy a house at age 43 (PV in 2024: Rs. 70-80 lakhs).
Build a corpus for child’s higher education and marriage.
Assessment of Current Strategy
Emergency Fund
You have a good emergency fund. This is a crucial safety net.

ULIP Funds
Your ULIP has a high cost. Consider moving to more efficient investment options.

Term Insurance
Your current term plan is good. Consider adding more coverage.

Ancestral Property
The expected rent will provide a steady income stream.

Gold
Gold is a stable asset but consider other investment avenues for growth.

Recommendations for Improvement
Health Insurance
Immediate Action: Get health insurance for yourself and your wife. This protects against unforeseen medical expenses.
Investment Strategy
SIP in Mutual Funds:

Diversified Equity Funds: Start SIPs in diversified equity mutual funds. These funds have high growth potential.
Allocation: Consider investing Rs. 15-20k monthly in SIPs.
PPF:

Tax Benefits: PPF is a good tax-saving instrument. It provides stable, risk-free returns.
Contribution: Start contributing Rs. 1.5 lakhs annually to PPF.
RBI Bonds and SGBs:

RBI Bonds: Invest in RBI Bonds for safe, long-term returns.
Sovereign Gold Bonds (SGBs): Invest in SGBs for additional gold exposure with interest.
Mutual Funds:

Actively Managed Funds: Prefer actively managed funds over index funds for better returns.
Diversification: Invest in a mix of large-cap, mid-cap, and small-cap funds.
Term Insurance for Wife
Coverage: Buy a term plan of Rs. 1-2 crore for your wife. This ensures financial security.
Future House Purchase
Savings Plan: Start saving for the house you want to buy at age 43.
Investment: Allocate a portion of your monthly savings to a dedicated house fund.
Child’s Education and Marriage Corpus
Education: Start an SIP dedicated to your child’s education. Aim for a mix of equity and debt funds.
Marriage: Similarly, start a separate SIP for your child’s marriage expenses.
Additional Recommendations
Review and Adjust:

Annual Review: Regularly review your investments. Adjust based on performance and goals.
Diversify Portfolio:

Reduce ULIP: Consider moving funds from ULIP to mutual funds for better growth.
Balanced Portfolio: Ensure a balanced mix of equity, debt, and other assets.
Tax Planning:

Maximize Benefits: Use tax-saving instruments like PPF, ELSS, and NPS.
Final Insights
Your current strategy is a good start. Health insurance is a must. Diversify your investments through SIPs, PPF, RBI Bonds, and SGBs.

Consider adding more term insurance for your wife. Plan for future house purchase and child’s education/marriage by starting dedicated SIPs.

Review and adjust your portfolio annually. Ensure a balanced mix of assets for growth and security.

Best Regards,

K. Ramalingam, MBA, CFP

Chief Financial Planner

www.holisticinvestment.in

..Read more

Latest Questions
Ravi

Ravi Mittal  |475 Answers  |Ask -

Dating, Relationships Expert - Answered on Dec 26, 2024

Listen
Relationship
I am talking to a boy for arranged marriage. He said me that come to Bangalore you will have a good career. But he is also asking me if I can leave my job if I have got some responsibility in life to which I said yes. Then I said that I prefer own cooked food over cook cooked food. Then he asked me if I can cook for 2 people to which I said that I will have to look if I can do. He seems to be supportive when he talks on phone. Is he brain washing me, should I say yes or no. Is he a red flag. What should I do.
Ans: Dear Moumita,
It isn't fair to label someone as a red flag over a few days of conversation; seeing women take up responsibilities of home and disregard their own career or needs might be what he has seen growing up and it's not him being a red flag intentionally. A lot has to do with upbringing. What I can suggest with confidence is that if you love having your own job, and your own financial independence then please be vocal about it. Just because he is asking you to leave your job doesn't mean you have to do it- you are only in the talking phase. You are not married yet. You have ample time to rethink your choice. Cooking and housework shouldn’t just be your responsibility, just like earning and providing shouldn’t only be his. It’s about sharing the load equally. Having said that, I should also mention that every relationship is different, and each couple finds their own way of balancing things. Ultimately, everything boils down to what you are comfortable with- please take some time to figure that out and only then decide whether or not to take this relationship ahead.

Hope this helps.

...Read more

Kanchan

Kanchan Rai  |447 Answers  |Ask -

Relationships Expert, Mind Coach - Answered on Dec 26, 2024

Asked by Anonymous - Dec 25, 2024
Relationship
Hi, My GF of last 2.5 years gets attracted to men very often and shares her feelings with me as well. She developed feelings for a guy a year back and he kissed her once when they were drunk. She said she didn't had time to react and Later they had a talk, she informed me that they chose to be friends, she doesn't seems to in talking terms any more with him. She talks to lot of male friends who she claims are from LGBTQ community which I doubt whether all are or not. I always say she has the freedom to move on any given day but she can't cheat but she doesn't think getting attracted to multiple men and acting on it as cheating . She says, she is free spirited and she is ok even if I visit a prostitute house. She is in her early 30s. She had a crush another guy on insta and said she will definitely try him if he wasn't lot younger than her but later said he is her best friend and she is in constant touch. Lately, she says vibe doesn't match and have problem saying I am her BF. I tried to move on from relationship 2-3 times because of her above traits and now stopped talking since few days. She had both mental and medical issues. Can I trust her and will she have any mental issues again?
Ans: While it’s commendable that she is honest about her feelings and gives you the freedom to make your choices, it’s equally important to consider whether her values and actions align with what you need in a partner. Relationships thrive when there’s mutual respect, understanding, and agreement on boundaries. If her actions or mindset make you feel undervalued or emotionally unsafe, it’s crucial to reflect on whether this relationship is truly serving your well-being.

The fact that you’ve tried to move on multiple times suggests that there is a deeper discomfort within you about the dynamics between you two. Trust is not just about fidelity; it’s about emotional safety, reliability, and mutual respect. If her behavior consistently makes you question her commitment or your place in her life, that erosion of trust can become difficult to rebuild.

As for her mental and medical challenges, it’s important to approach those with empathy, but also with a clear understanding that you cannot "fix" or "heal" someone unless they are actively seeking and working toward their own well-being. If she has not addressed her mental health or continues behaviors that affect the relationship without taking responsibility, it can lead to ongoing strain for you. Her mental health challenges are not excuses for harmful behavior, nor should they become reasons for you to sacrifice your own emotional health.

You’ve already shown patience and willingness to work through these challenges, but the repeated cycles of doubt and frustration may be a sign that the relationship is taking more from you than it’s giving. Ask yourself if you feel supported, valued, and emotionally safe in this partnership. Relationships should bring out the best in you and your partner, not leave you questioning your worth or constantly trying to accommodate behavior that feels unfair.

Taking a step back, as you’ve done now, can give you the clarity to evaluate what you truly want and need in a relationship. If trust feels irreparably broken or if her behaviors and values are fundamentally misaligned with yours, it may be time to consider whether staying in this relationship is the healthiest choice for you. You deserve a partner who respects your boundaries and builds a connection based on mutual trust and understanding.

If you decide to stay, open communication and possibly couples’ therapy could help bridge the gaps. If you choose to move on, trust that this decision is about prioritizing your well-being and finding a relationship that aligns with your values and needs. Either way, your happiness and emotional health should come first.

...Read more

Kanchan

Kanchan Rai  |447 Answers  |Ask -

Relationships Expert, Mind Coach - Answered on Dec 26, 2024

Asked by Anonymous - Dec 23, 2024Hindi
Listen
Relationship
Hi Anu, My husband is in living relationship with another lady since April in another country. At the same time, he acused me as selfish for doing my PhD in my native country and put me in mental trauma by verbally accusing.Also,he was very clever, he step by step get rid of all the things related to our relationship and took bank all the bank fund in my name.After that he blocked me.I had doubts on his extra marital and asked him 1000 times. But he simply insulted and blocked me from all social media eventually. After finishing my PhD pre submission, when i went to meet him, in his place. I found him, shifted to another apartment. But i somehow, found it and there i came to knew, he is staying with a lady there for past months. I broke down and informed all his friends. Now he is threatening me for signing mutual consent, otherwise he will make false allegations and tore my good name..Already he partially did that. When I talked to his friends, he was crooked enough to tell them, i am a psycho, ademant, career oriented lady. I told him i am ready to give him mutual divorce after once we met in person. I want to ask him why he cheated me.but he is not ready to meet, he is asking me to talk to his advocate. What shall I do now?
Ans: While it’s natural to want answers and closure, sometimes people who betray us in such profound ways refuse to provide the accountability we seek. Closure doesn’t always come from the other person. It can come from recognizing that their actions stem from their own flaws and failings, not because of anything lacking in you. It can come from choosing to let go of the need for explanations and focusing instead on rebuilding your own sense of peace and purpose.

You’ve already demonstrated incredible strength by standing up to him and exposing the truth to his friends. That takes courage. But this is also a time to lean into your inner resilience and ensure you’re supported by professionals who can guide you through the legal and emotional complexities. Speaking with a family lawyer who understands the nuances of your situation will help you feel empowered to navigate his threats and protect your rights. At the same time, connecting with a counselor or therapist can offer a safe space to process your emotions and begin to heal from this trauma.

It’s okay to grieve the relationship and the betrayal. It’s okay to feel anger, sadness, or even numbness at times. These emotions are all part of the process of moving forward. Allow yourself to feel them without judgment, but also remind yourself that this pain is temporary and does not define you. You are more than what has been done to you.

When you feel ready, try to shift your focus away from him and his actions and toward your own well-being and future. You’ve worked so hard on your PhD and have built a life full of potential and possibility. This chapter doesn’t have to define the rest of your story. You are capable of creating a life that is free from manipulation and filled with self-respect, joy, and the kind of peace that comes from living authentically.

Lean on the people who believe in you, who see your value, and who can remind you of your strength when you feel unsure. Remember, you don’t have to handle this alone. Whether it’s through professional guidance or emotional support from trusted loved ones, there are paths forward that will help you rise above this situation. You deserve a life where your worth is honored, your boundaries are respected, and your happiness takes center stage.

...Read more

Kanchan

Kanchan Rai  |447 Answers  |Ask -

Relationships Expert, Mind Coach - Answered on Dec 26, 2024

Asked by Anonymous - Dec 23, 2024Hindi
Listen
Relationship
Hello, I am a 35-year woman from Manali, divorced for three years now. My family is constantly pushing me to get remarried, saying it’s ‘for my own good.’ But honestly, I don’t feel the need for marriage again. I’m financially stable, have great friends, and I genuinely enjoy my independence. Despite explaining this to my family multiple times, they keep bringing up alliances and even guilt-trip me, saying things like, ‘Who will take care of you when you’re older?’ or ‘What will society think?’ I’m exhausted from these arguments and feel like I’m being cornered into something I don’t want. How do I stand firm in my decision while maintaining my relationship with my family? How do I help them understand that being single is a choice, not a problem to fix?
Ans: When speaking to your family, try to approach the conversation from a place of empathy. Acknowledge their intentions by telling them you understand their worries and that they want what they believe is best for you. Express gratitude for their care—it often helps diffuse their defensiveness. However, it’s equally important to gently but firmly assert that your happiness is not dependent on remarriage. Share how content you are with your current life, emphasizing your financial stability, fulfilling friendships, and personal growth.

Sometimes families struggle to accept choices that diverge from traditional norms, often driven by fears about societal perceptions or imagined futures. Reassure them that your decision is rooted in thoughtful consideration and self-awareness, and that you’ve built a life that brings you peace and joy. If they bring up concerns like loneliness or old age, you can address these by expressing how you’ve cultivated strong support systems and how your independence equips you to face challenges.

It might also help to set gentle boundaries. For instance, you could say, “I appreciate that you care for me, but I’d like our time together to focus on enjoying each other’s company instead of discussing remarriage.” It’s okay to redirect conversations or take a break from them when you feel cornered.

Lastly, remember that changing deeply ingrained beliefs takes time. Your family might not immediately understand your perspective, but consistency and calm communication will help over time. It’s not your responsibility to conform to their expectations if doing so diminishes your sense of self. By staying true to your values while showing compassion for their concerns, you’re paving the way for mutual respect and understanding.

...Read more

Dr Nandita

Dr Nandita Palshetkar  |36 Answers  |Ask -

Gynaecologist, IVF expert - Answered on Dec 26, 2024

Asked by Anonymous - Dec 19, 2024Hindi
Listen
Health
Dr, I’m 35 years old from Jamnagar, and my husband and I have been trying for a baby for the past year, but nothing seems to be working. I recently visited a fertility clinic in neighborhood , and after a few tests, they mentioned that I might have blocked fallopian tubes. The gynaec also talked about possible treatments like surgery or IVF, but I’m really confused and worried. Should I go for a laparoscopy to check the severity, or are there any other alternatives that could help me? I’m really anxious and just want to understand my options better before making any decisions.
Ans: History noted.
Considering your age 35 years, trying to conceive since, one year and few test done, one of which suggest possibility of tubal blockage, there are various modalities of treatment.
Firstly, you can do laparoscopy to note the severity if blockage and do tubal cannulation.
Tubal cannulation is often the first line of treatment for patients with blocked fallopian tubes because it's a non-invasive procedure that's widely available.
Tubal cannulation is a procedure that can unblock fallopian tubes and is highly successful for proximal tubal blockages, with a success rate of over 80%. However, it may not be successful for all patients and is not recommended for distal tubal occlusions.
This procedure if successful can avoid IVF procedure. Laparoscopy has…
Yes, before ivf get all your blood test, ecg, 2 D echo, xray chest to rule out any illness
Same with your husband to get semen analysis and viral markers with blood sugars to be done.

...Read more

Dr Nandita

Dr Nandita Palshetkar  |36 Answers  |Ask -

Gynaecologist, IVF expert - Answered on Dec 26, 2024

Asked by Anonymous - Dec 17, 2024Hindi
Listen
Health
Hello Doctor, I’m in my late 20s, and lately, I’ve been feeling like something’s off with my body. My periods either show up way too early, sometimes not at all for months. And, I’ve been putting on weight even though I haven’t changed my diet or exercise routine. My skin has also turned into a battlefield with acne all over, which I never used to have before. My cousin, who’s around my age, just found out she has PCOS, and her mom (my aunt) went through something similar when she was younger. Now, I’m scared because I’ve been hearing all these horror stories about how it can affect fertility, and I’m not even married yet. What if it’s a family thing and I end up facing the same problems? My mom says, ‘Don’t worry, it’ll be fine,’ but I can’t stop thinking about it. Should I see a gynecologist, or is there another kind of doctor I should be visiting? What tests should I do to get to the bottom of this before it gets worse? Honestly, I’m feeling overwhelmed and just want to know what’s going on before it’s too late.
Ans: Hello, noted your concerns
You are in late 20’s with irregular periods, acne, weight gain,
You are undergoing hormonal imbalance
We need to do certain blood test like
CBC, tsh prolactin fasting insulin level
Hba1c, testosterone level
DHEA, LH FSH ESTRADIOL LEVEL
Amd AMH level to check for fertility level
Usg pelvis to rule out
Pcos
The mainstay treatment. For pcos is lifestyle changes
1) Daily exercise, walks. Zumba, running
2) Good nutritious food with proteins, vitamins, minerals, low carbs and fats
3) good adequate sleep 7 to 8 hours
4) stress management: yoga meditation, breathing exercise
5) supplements to controls effects of pcos
6) low dose OC PILLS TO regularize the cycles

...Read more

DISCLAIMER: The content of this post by the expert is the personal view of the rediffGURU. Investment in securities market are subject to market risks. Read all the related document carefully before investing. The securities quoted are for illustration only and are not recommendatory. Users are advised to pursue the information provided by the rediffGURU only as a source of information and as a point of reference and to rely on their own judgement when making a decision. RediffGURUS is an intermediary as per India's Information Technology Act.

Close  

You haven't logged in yet. To ask a question, Please Log in below
Login

A verification OTP will be sent to this
Mobile Number / Email

Enter OTP
A 6 digit code has been sent to

Resend OTP in120seconds

Dear User, You have not registered yet. Please register by filling the fields below to get expert answers from our Gurus
Sign up

By signing up, you agree to our
Terms & Conditions and Privacy Policy

Already have an account?

Enter OTP
A 6 digit code has been sent to Mobile

Resend OTP in120seconds

x