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Ramalingam

Ramalingam Kalirajan  |7367 Answers  |Ask -

Mutual Funds, Financial Planning Expert - Answered on May 18, 2024

Ramalingam Kalirajan has over 23 years of experience in mutual funds and financial planning.
He has an MBA in finance from the University of Madras and is a certified financial planner.
He is the director and chief financial planner at Holistic Investment, a Chennai-based firm that offers financial planning and wealth management advice.... more
Sk Question by Sk on May 10, 2024Hindi
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I'm 44 now. started sip in 2023 for 25000/p.m. 5000 in each mf named quant small cap fund, tata digital fund, HDFC defence fund, sunlife psu fund and SBI energy fund. I'd like to increase 10% annually. How long it will take to make 2 crore?

Ans: It's great to see your commitment to systematic investing. Let's analyze your current SIP investments and project the time required to achieve your target of 2 crores.

Evaluating SIP Contributions:

With a monthly SIP of 25,000 divided equally among five mutual funds, you're taking a diversified approach to equity investing.

Analyzing Growth Rate:

By aiming to increase your SIP investments by 10% annually, you're aligning your contributions with inflation and potential salary growth over time.

Projection Calculation:

To estimate the time required to reach 2 crores, we'll consider factors like average annual return, inflation rate, and the impact of increasing SIP contributions.

Utilizing Compounding Effect:

Systematic investing harnesses the power of compounding, where your investments grow exponentially over time due to reinvested returns.

Consultation with a Certified Financial Planner:

While projections provide insights, consulting with a Certified Financial Planner (CFP) ensures a comprehensive analysis of your financial goals, risk tolerance, and investment strategy.

Conclusion:

Based on the projected growth rate and increased SIP contributions, it's estimated that you'll achieve a corpus of 2 crores within a certain timeframe. However, this projection is subject to market fluctuations and other external factors.

Best Regards,

K. Ramalingam, MBA, CFP,

Chief Financial Planner,

www.holisticinvestment.in
DISCLAIMER: The content of this post by the expert is the personal view of the rediffGURU. Users are advised to pursue the information provided by the rediffGURU only as a source of information to be as a point of reference and to rely on their own judgement when making a decision.
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Ramalingam

Ramalingam Kalirajan  |7367 Answers  |Ask -

Mutual Funds, Financial Planning Expert - Answered on May 12, 2024

Asked by Anonymous - Apr 16, 2024Hindi
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I’m 31, I’ve been investing in MF SIPs for about 8-9 years now, but about a year ago I had to encash all my funds to purchase a flat. I started again and currently I do about 29k monthly, investing in Parag Parikh flexi cap, Mahindra Manu life small cap, Tata small cap, Tata digital India fund, PGIM India mid cap opportunities, Canara Robeco small cap, Mirae asset large cap, Axis mid cap and Quant small cap. The exposure to small cap is less than 30%. I have a 10% increment set on all SIPs annually. How long would it take for me to reach a crore? Would I be able to retire by 45 if I stay invested? I have a home loan as well and I pay ~70k EMI on that
Ans: It's commendable that you've been investing consistently in mutual fund SIPs despite facing financial challenges. Let's analyze your current investment scenario and address your financial goals:

Investment Portfolio: Your portfolio consists of a mix of large-cap, mid-cap, and small-cap funds, providing diversification across market segments. Ensure you monitor the performance of each fund regularly and rebalance if needed to maintain your desired asset allocation.

Financial Goal: Your primary goal is to accumulate one crore rupees and potentially retire by the age of 45. Achieving this goal depends on various factors such as your current investment amount, expected rate of return, and investment horizon.

Calculating the Time Required: To estimate the time required to reach one crore rupees, we need to consider your current investment amount, expected rate of return, and the annual increment in your SIPs. With an annual SIP of 29,000 rupees and assuming an average annual return of 12%, you can use online SIP calculators to determine the time required to reach your goal.

Retirement Planning: Retiring by the age of 45 requires careful financial planning and discipline. Consider factors such as your desired retirement lifestyle, expected expenses, inflation, and other income sources. It's crucial to build a sizable retirement corpus to sustain yourself post-retirement.

Home Loan: While paying a substantial EMI towards your home loan, ensure you strike a balance between loan repayment and long-term investments. Evaluate whether prepaying the loan or investing in mutual funds yields better returns based on interest rates and tax implications.

Risk Management: While equity investments offer growth potential, they also carry market risk. Given your age and long investment horizon, you can afford to allocate a significant portion of your portfolio to equities. However, ensure you have an adequate emergency fund and appropriate insurance coverage to mitigate financial risks.

Review and Adjust: Periodically review your investment portfolio, financial goals, and progress towards achieving them. Adjust your investment strategy as needed based on changes in your personal circumstances, market conditions, and financial goals.

It's advisable to consult with a certified financial planner to create a comprehensive financial plan tailored to your specific needs and goals.

Best Regards,

K. Ramalingam, MBA, CFP,

Chief Financial Planner,

www.holisticinvestment.in

..Read more

Ramalingam

Ramalingam Kalirajan  |7367 Answers  |Ask -

Mutual Funds, Financial Planning Expert - Answered on Jun 11, 2024

Asked by Anonymous - Jun 04, 2024Hindi
Money
I am 28 year old. I want 1 crore in 5 years, and currently investing 10k in mutual funds. What amount of SIP should I start to achieve 1 crore in 5 years.
Ans: Understanding Your Goal
Achieving Rs. 1 crore in 5 years is an ambitious target. It requires careful planning and disciplined investing.

You currently invest Rs. 10,000 per month in mutual funds. Let's analyse the situation and devise a strategy to reach your goal.

The Power of Systematic Investment Plans (SIPs)
Systematic Investment Plans (SIPs) allow for disciplined, regular investments in mutual funds. SIPs help in averaging out market volatility and accumulating a significant corpus over time.

Investing regularly can help achieve large financial goals. Let’s explore how much you need to invest monthly.

Calculating the Required SIP Amount
To achieve Rs. 1 crore in 5 years, we need to understand the rate of return and the amount to be invested.

Assuming a conservative annual return of 12%, we can calculate the required SIP amount using a financial formula.

The formula for Future Value of SIP is:

Future Value = P * [ (1 + r/n)^(nt) - 1 ] / (r/n)

where:

P is the SIP amount
r is the annual return rate (decimal)
n is the number of times the interest is compounded per year
t is the number of years
To achieve Rs. 1 crore in 5 years, with an annual return of 12%:

1,00,00,000 = P * [ (1 + 0.12/12)^(12*5) - 1 ] / (0.12/12)

Solving this will give us the SIP amount required.

Assessing the Required SIP Amount
Using the formula, we find that you need to invest around Rs. 1,29,800 per month to achieve Rs. 1 crore in 5 years with a 12% annual return.

This amount is significantly higher than your current investment of Rs. 10,000 per month. Let's explore how you can adjust your strategy.

Exploring Investment Options
Increase Monthly SIP:

Consider increasing your SIP amount gradually.
Start with an affordable increase and aim to reach the required amount.
Increase Investment Horizon:

Extending your investment period reduces monthly SIP requirement.
A longer horizon allows more time for compounding to work.
Seek Higher Returns:

Explore funds with higher potential returns, keeping in mind the risk involved.
Diversify your portfolio to balance risk and returns.
Benefits of Actively Managed Funds
Actively managed funds involve professional fund managers making investment decisions. These managers aim to outperform the market.

Advantages:

Potential for higher returns compared to index funds.
Professional management ensures better asset allocation.
Flexibility in investment strategies to adapt to market conditions.
Disadvantages of Index Funds:

Limited to the performance of the index.
Less flexibility in asset allocation.
No active management to mitigate risks or seize opportunities.
Importance of Regular Funds
Investing through a Mutual Fund Distributor (MFD) with a Certified Financial Planner (CFP) ensures professional guidance.

Benefits:

Regular funds provide ongoing advisory services.
Access to research and insights for informed decisions.
Assistance in portfolio rebalancing and adjustments.
Disadvantages of Direct Funds:

Lack of professional guidance.
More responsibility on the investor to make informed choices.
Potential for missed opportunities or increased risk.
Adjusting Your Financial Plan
To bridge the gap between your current investment and the required SIP, consider these steps:

Increase Income:

Explore ways to boost your income.
Additional income can be directed towards your SIP.
Reduce Expenses:

Cut unnecessary expenses and redirect savings to investments.
Prioritize your financial goal over discretionary spending.
Bonus and Windfalls:

Invest any bonuses, incentives, or windfalls.
Lump-sum investments can significantly boost your corpus.
Track and Review:

Regularly review your investment portfolio.
Adjust based on market conditions and financial goals.

You have a commendable goal and the discipline to invest regularly. This shows your dedication towards achieving financial freedom.

Your current SIP is a great start. With strategic adjustments, you can reach your goal.

Understanding Risks and Returns
Investing involves risks. Higher returns often come with higher risks. It’s important to understand your risk tolerance.

Diversify your investments to balance risk and returns. Diversification spreads risk across various assets, reducing overall risk.


We understand that achieving Rs. 1 crore in 5 years seems challenging. However, with a disciplined approach, it is achievable.

Financial planning requires commitment and sometimes tough decisions. But your long-term financial security is worth the effort.

Final Insights
To achieve Rs. 1 crore in 5 years, you need to significantly increase your monthly SIP. Consider increasing income, reducing expenses, and investing windfalls.

Seek higher returns through actively managed funds. Diversify your portfolio to balance risk. Invest through a Certified Financial Planner for professional guidance.

Regularly review and adjust your investments. Stay disciplined and committed to your goal.

You are on the right path. With strategic adjustments, you can achieve your financial goal.

Best Regards,

K. Ramalingam, MBA, CFP,

Chief Financial Planner,

www.holisticinvestment.in

..Read more

Ramalingam

Ramalingam Kalirajan  |7367 Answers  |Ask -

Mutual Funds, Financial Planning Expert - Answered on Jul 17, 2024

Asked by Anonymous - Jul 09, 2024Hindi
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Hello Sir, I am 25 years old.I am investing 23,000 Evey month in MF(60% in mid cap, 30% large cap and 10 to 15% around small cap). I will increase my SIP with my salary like if I got 15 to 20% hike. I want to increase my SIP accordingly. I want 20 crore of age of 45. Pls guide me. how can I achieve my Goal. My salary is 2 lakh per month!!!
Ans: You want Rs. 20 crores by age 45. This is a significant goal, but achievable with disciplined investing.

Current Investment Strategy
SIP Allocation
60% in mid-cap funds

30% in large-cap funds

10% in small-cap funds

Monthly Investment
Rs. 23,000 per month currently
Future SIP Increases
Plan to increase SIP with salary hikes
Evaluating Your Current Strategy
Mid-Cap Funds
Growth Potential: Mid-cap funds offer high growth potential.

Risk: They are riskier compared to large-cap funds.

Large-Cap Funds
Stability: Large-cap funds are stable and provide steady returns.

Lower Risk: Less volatile compared to mid-cap and small-cap funds.

Small-Cap Funds
High Growth: Small-cap funds can provide high returns.

High Risk: They are the most volatile.

Recommendations to Achieve Rs. 20 Crores
Increase SIPs Regularly
Annual Increases: Increase your SIPs by 15-20% annually.

Bonus Investments: Invest additional income from bonuses.

Diversify Your Portfolio
Balanced Approach: Consider adding debt funds for stability.

Reduce Risk: Balance high-risk investments with safer options.

Consider Actively Managed Funds
Expert Management: Actively managed funds can outperform index funds.

Regular Reviews: Ensure fund managers are adjusting to market conditions.

Avoid Direct Funds
Lack of Guidance: Direct funds lack professional guidance.

Benefits of Regular Funds: Investing through a Mutual Fund Distributor (MFD) with CFP credentials ensures expert advice.

Long-Term Investment Discipline
Stay Invested
Market Volatility: Do not panic during market downturns.

Long-Term Focus: Keep your focus on the long-term goal.

Rebalance Your Portfolio
Regular Reviews: Review your portfolio every six months.

Adjust Allocations: Rebalance based on performance and market conditions.

Tax Efficiency
Utilize Tax-Saving Instruments
ELSS Funds: Consider Equity Linked Savings Scheme for tax benefits.

NPS: National Pension System offers tax benefits and long-term growth.

Emergency Fund
Maintain Liquidity
Emergency Savings: Keep 6-12 months of expenses in a liquid fund.

Avoid Withdrawal: Do not dip into your SIP investments for emergencies.

Professional Guidance
Certified Financial Planner
Expert Advice: Consult a Certified Financial Planner for personalized strategies.

Regular Check-ins: Schedule regular reviews with your planner.

Final Insights
To achieve Rs. 20 crores by age 45, increase your SIPs regularly and diversify your portfolio. Balance high-risk investments with safer options and consider actively managed funds. Stay disciplined, review your portfolio regularly, and seek professional advice to stay on track.

Best Regards,

K. Ramalingam, MBA, CFP

Chief Financial Planner,

www.holisticinvestment.in

..Read more

Latest Questions
Ramalingam

Ramalingam Kalirajan  |7367 Answers  |Ask -

Mutual Funds, Financial Planning Expert - Answered on Dec 28, 2024

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Requesting you, to help me, regarding midcap 150 etf of mirae asset midcap 150 etf for longterm through SIP
Ans: Let us review the suitability of investing in a mid-cap 150 ETF for the long term via SIP.

Understanding ETFs and Their Characteristics
Passive Management: Midcap ETFs replicate an index like the Nifty Midcap 150.

Cost Efficiency: They offer lower expense ratios compared to actively managed funds.

No Active Decision Making: They do not try to outperform the market but track the index.

Volatility Concerns: Midcap indices are more volatile than large-cap indices.

Returns Depend on Index: The ETF's performance mirrors the performance of its benchmark.

Disadvantages of Investing in Midcap ETFs
Lack of Active Management
Mid-cap stocks are highly volatile.

Active fund managers can adjust portfolios to limit risks during downturns.

ETFs lack this flexibility, as they strictly follow the index composition.

Limited Flexibility in Rebalancing
Market conditions often demand sector rotation or stock-specific decisions.

Actively managed funds adapt to such conditions, but ETFs cannot.

Tracking Errors
ETFs may not perfectly replicate the index due to tracking errors.

This can affect returns, especially over the long term.

Why Actively Managed Funds May Be Better
Fund Manager Expertise
Skilled managers can outperform the index by selecting high-growth stocks.

They can mitigate risks in falling markets through tactical decisions.

Flexibility in Stock Selection
Active funds are not limited to a predefined basket of stocks.

Managers can select fundamentally strong stocks beyond the index.

Potential for Higher Returns
Actively managed funds have historically outperformed midcap indices over long periods.

This makes them a better choice for wealth creation in the mid-cap segment.

Recommendations for Long-Term Mid-Cap Investments
Diversify: Include actively managed mid-cap funds instead of relying solely on an ETF.

Professional Guidance: Invest in regular plans via a Certified Financial Planner.

Monitor Performance: Review fund performance every 6–12 months.

Manage Risk: Avoid overexposure to mid-cap investments due to their volatility.

Final Insights
While Mirae Asset Midcap 150 ETF is a low-cost option, it has limitations.

Active mid-cap funds can better navigate market volatility.

They provide the flexibility and expertise required for wealth creation.

For long-term SIPs, consider balanced exposure to actively managed funds. This ensures both growth and risk management over time.

Best Regards,

K. Ramalingam, MBA, CFP,

Chief Financial Planner,

www.holisticinvestment.in
https://www.youtube.com/@HolisticInvestment

...Read more

Ramalingam

Ramalingam Kalirajan  |7367 Answers  |Ask -

Mutual Funds, Financial Planning Expert - Answered on Dec 28, 2024

Money
Dear sir, I am 50 years old and working in private sector MNC 1.5 Lakhs on hand. My job security is very less. I have two kids aged 18, 14 years old. My wife is housewife. I have 80L in Mutual funds and 20L in stocks, Bank deposits 40L. I am investing in SIP in below Mutual funds all direct growth around 57000 pm. CR Bule chip fund, MA Large and Midcap, HDFC smallcap each 5000 pm (15000) step up 2000 every 6months. Invesco Infra, JM Value fund, Nippon India Multicap, Small cap, Parag parekh Flexi cap, Quant Small cap, Mid cap each 6000 pm (42000), all these SIPs started recently from June 2024. Some Lumpsum in Axis smallcap 6L, Bandan core Equity 3L, CR Smallcap 8L, DSP smallcap 4L,HSBC Flexicap 3.5, HSBC Smallcap 3L, ICICI Pru Infra 3.5L, Value discovery 3L, Invesco Large & Midcap 2L, JM Flexicap 1L, Motilal Oswal Midcap 8L, SBI Bluechip 7L, Infrastructure 2L, Sundaram Smallcap 3L My expenses per month are 1.2 Lakh. I don't have loans/EMIs. Please advice me for my retirement life which need at least 1.5L per month, my kids education expenses, and also advice to my Portfolio. Thanks and regards, Yours sincerely, Purushotham Thati
Ans: Your current portfolio and investment habits show a good start. Let us evaluate your financial standing, address your goals, and provide suggestions for optimisation.

Assessment of Your Current Financial Position
Income and Expenses: You have a monthly income of Rs. 1.5 lakh and expenses of Rs. 1.2 lakh. This leaves a surplus of Rs. 30,000 per month.

Investment Corpus: Your existing corpus includes Rs. 80 lakh in mutual funds, Rs. 20 lakh in stocks, and Rs. 40 lakh in bank deposits.

SIP Contributions: You are investing Rs. 57,000 monthly across multiple mutual funds.

Lump Sum Investments: You have allocated significant lump sums to small-cap, flexi-cap, and thematic funds.

Goals: Your goals include securing Rs. 1.5 lakh monthly for retirement and funding your children's education.

Planning for Retirement
Corpus Required
You aim for Rs. 1.5 lakh per month during retirement.

Factor in inflation to estimate future monthly expenses.

The current corpus and SIPs must grow consistently to meet this goal.

Recommendations
Maintain a balanced allocation between equity and debt for steady growth.

Avoid excessive concentration in small-cap and thematic funds, which are volatile.

Increase exposure to balanced and flexi-cap funds for stability.

Planning for Children’s Education
Current Needs
Your children are aged 18 and 14, which implies upcoming higher education expenses.

Plan for expenses within the next 4–8 years.

Recommendations
Create a dedicated education fund for both children.

Use debt-oriented hybrid funds or short-term debt funds for near-term goals.

Ensure part of your mutual fund corpus is earmarked for this purpose.

Portfolio Review and Suggestions
Strengths of the Portfolio
Disciplined SIP Investments: Investing Rs. 57,000 monthly shows financial discipline.

Diversification: Exposure to various categories like large-cap, mid-cap, small-cap, and thematic funds.

Areas for Improvement
Excessive Small-Cap Allocation: High exposure to small-cap funds increases volatility.

Thematic Fund Overlap: Thematic funds like infrastructure may lead to concentration risks.

Direct Fund Investments: Direct funds lack professional guidance and ongoing monitoring.

Portfolio Optimisation
Consolidate funds to reduce over-diversification and improve focus.

Shift some SIPs to balanced advantage or hybrid funds for stability.

Review and replace underperforming funds periodically.

Invest through a Certified Financial Planner to benefit from professional advice.

Optimising Lumpsum Investments
Review the performance of your lump sum investments.

Redeploy underperforming small-cap and thematic funds into balanced funds.

Keep a portion of your bank deposits in liquid funds for emergencies.

Avoid high allocations to sectoral or cyclical funds due to their dependency on market conditions.

Tax Planning
Long-term capital gains on equity mutual funds above Rs. 1.25 lakh are taxed at 12.5%.

Short-term capital gains on equity funds are taxed at 20%.

Debt mutual funds are taxed as per your income tax slab.

Plan redemptions considering these rules to minimise tax liabilities.

Emergency Fund Allocation
Maintain at least 6–12 months of expenses in liquid funds or fixed deposits.

This ensures financial security given your low job security.

Allocate Rs. 15–20 lakh from your bank deposits for this purpose.

Recommendations for SIPs
Reduce exposure to small-cap and thematic funds.

Increase allocation to large-cap and multi-cap funds for stability.

Consider balanced advantage funds to manage market volatility.

Step-up SIPs only after assessing fund performance.

Final Insights
Your financial foundation is strong, but optimisation is essential.

Prioritise stability and diversification in your portfolio.

Allocate funds separately for retirement and children’s education.

Maintain a robust emergency fund to handle uncertainties.

Seek professional advice to streamline and monitor your investments.

Consistent review and disciplined investing will help you achieve financial independence and secure your family’s future.

Best Regards,

K. Ramalingam, MBA, CFP,

Chief Financial Planner,

www.holisticinvestment.in
https://www.youtube.com/@HolisticInvestment

...Read more

Milind

Milind Vadjikar  |807 Answers  |Ask -

Insurance, Stocks, MF, PF Expert - Answered on Dec 28, 2024

Asked by Anonymous - Dec 28, 2024Hindi
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Retiremen advice I am 50 yrs old single with recurring and chronic health issues. I would like to retire and I have 2 crore in FD 1 crore in stock and mutual funds I also own a home and a flat both are free of debt. Please advice me to restructure my assets and have a peaceful retirement. My tax consultant told me I can get up to 3 lakhs per month with 3 cr invested in stocks and mutual funds How realistic is it possible and how to montage the downside risks associated with it. I had been a victim of Franklin Templeton debt funds during covid and I do not trust Mutual funds houses or its manages as before.
Ans: Hello;

It is impossible to get 3 L per month with 3 Cr corpus in mutual funds, unless you are ready to deplete the corpus completely over 10-12 years.

Since you were impacted with Franklin Templeton debt funds issue earlier, I recommend you to buy an immediate annuity from a life insurance company for a sum of 2.8 Cr.

You may chose annuity for life with return of purchase price to your nominee.

It may yield you a post tax monthly income of around 1.1 L+.

After fulfilling your regular expenses you may begin a monthly sip of 10-15 K in any equity fund.

The corpus that this investment will generate over 10-15 years may be used to top-up annuity and hence monthly payouts to account for rise in the inflation.

You may keep balance 20 L corpus in savings account as emergency fund.

Although the Franklin Templeton debt fund issue was difficult for the unitholders of those funds, the alacrity and surgical precision with which SEBI handled that issue and ensured all investors get their money back was commendable.

We cannot control human behaviour but we have extremely robust system of checks and balances in regulation of our MF industry to safeguard investor interests at all costs even if some negative event occurs.

Seek help from a mutual fund distributor or an investment advisor for help, if required.

Best wishes;
X: @mars_invest

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Anu

Anu Krishna  |1414 Answers  |Ask -

Relationships Expert, Mind Coach - Answered on Dec 28, 2024

Asked by Anonymous - Dec 27, 2024Hindi
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Relationship
I live in a joint family with my brother and parents. I’ve been having a hard time managing my relationship with my bhabhi (sister-in-law). We live in the same house, and things have been tense lately. I’ve always tried to be polite and respectful, but there are constant little misunderstandings between us, and it’s starting to affect my peace of mind. We both want to keep things cordial for the family’s sake, but it feels like there’s always some tension whenever we interact. The problem is, I tend to get defensive whenever she says something I don’t agree with, and I know it’s only making things worse. I’m also trying to stay calm in front of everyone, but it’s hard not to let these small issues build up in my head. I really don’t want to keep feeling frustrated, but I don’t know how to change my approach. I love my brother and I want to improve the atmosphere at home and make sure I’m not letting these things affect me so much. Please help.
Ans: Dear Anonymous,
Joint family systems are filled with adventure and these things that you have brought up are part of that adventure.
Take things as they come and make sure you train yourself not to react...is this possible? YES, it is!
Let's say your Bhabhi accuses you of something, maybe your first reaction is to get defensive and explain or argue. Instead, what if you trained yourself to say: Okay, she's again accusing me of something; let's see what is the new thing that she has invented and let me have fun by simply listening.

This will ensure that your part of adventure gets playful and it will also enable you to respond rather than react. Now, does this happen overnight? NO, it requires a lot of mind training but start somewhere to get to someplace different.

All the best!
Anu Krishna
Mind Coach|NLP Trainer|Author
Drop in: www.unfear.io
Reach me: Facebook: anukrish07/ AND LinkedIn: anukrishna-joyofserving/

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Anu

Anu Krishna  |1414 Answers  |Ask -

Relationships Expert, Mind Coach - Answered on Dec 28, 2024

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Relationship
Hi, I Am 26(M). I had an arranged marriage, my wife had a pre-marital affair which continued even after our engagement and for 9 months of marriage. According to my wife, she met him once and he wanted to have sex but my wife didn't do it. (The used to chat on Instagram). I found out today after 2 years of marriage. And we just had a baby. My wife asked me to use Instagram after we got engaged, but I refused because I was afraid it would have a bad effect on her. I don't even use it cause I know what can go wrong. When I caught her red-handed and saw the man's chats, I took her phone. And then I had read a little chat, then my wife came to me and said that she had to call our maid. I gave her the phone and she not only spoke on the phone but also deleted the chats with the guy. My eyes were closed when she spoke to maid on the phone. Cause I was so tired. Then I asked my wife to talk to him in front of me because I wanted to teach him a lesson and find his fiancée and tell her the truth. I'm very loyal to my wife. And she was my world. I've never had a girlfriend. I am open minded and I had asked my wife before the engagement, after the engagement on the phone and even after the marriage that if she had a past, I will accept it. My wife messaged him and he asked her talk on video call. The guy also knows that we have just had a baby who is not even 1 month old. I turned on the screen recording of the video call and gave it to my wife. In that screen recording, my wife texted the guy and told him to talk carefully cause I was sitting in front of her and then deleted the message with option of 'delete for you' on Instagram. This is how my wife cheated on me 2 times even after being caught. She told me that she loved me later on. And she took great care of me. She brought me out of depression. She did everything and I also loved her with all my heart and did everything for her. Right now she is saying I forgive her and she wants to live with me like before. She apologized a ton as well. But I don't know what to do at the moment. After so many lies, I can't trust her easily. She has a habit of lying in small things as well. I want to live with her, she was my support, my mother is not even there. when I was 12 years old... Now what do I do? Please kindly guide me!
Ans: Dear LoneKnight,
Yes, you feel like your trust has been broken. Is it easy to build back that trust? Yes and No...Yes, if you wish to...No, if you don't wish to...
If you go back in time and play the same story about how you wife was on Instagram and how she 'cheated' on you, there is no way that you can put your marriage back together.
How are you open-minded when an Instagram account causes you to fear what will happen? I can understand that you are a person with no past girlfriends but people do come with a past. Now, your wife could have shared her past with you, but most women seem to not want to for fear of reaction from the men like you have now. I can see that all this has hurt you, but if you want this marriage to work, you are going to have to drop all the past baggage, yours and your wife's and start afresh. Which means taking things for what it is NOW at face value without doubting it.
Can you do that? My suggestion would be: make an honest attempt at it. But warn yourself against going back in to the past otherwise there will be more mud throwing and no solution in sight.
Start new, Start afresh...

All the best!
Anu Krishna
Mind Coach|NLP Trainer|Author
Drop in: www.unfear.io
Reach me: Facebook: anukrish07/ AND LinkedIn: anukrishna-joyofserving/
Asked on - Dec 28, 2024 | Answered on Dec 28, 2024
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Thanks You Very Much Ma'am For Your Answer. The Reason For Not Using Instagram Was Cause I Didn't Wanted To Look At Any Other Women Instead Of Her. My Intentions Were Pure. Also I Didn't wanted a thing which can spark of cheating so there will be no fire. I am open minded I told her I will accept it. Problem is that affair continued even after engagement and marriage (till 9 months of marriage) But today's condition is that i think she has lost interest. We have tradition inwhich wife goes to their home and stay for 2-3 months. Her mother has been so influential from beginning so am telling her to comeback. She is not ready to comeback even when I am sick. I told her to come back for at least 4-5 days so we can talk. I am afraid she will mindwash her. And I can see that. I have given the best possible time yet she is complaining that I don't give time. When I told her to come back she overeated that she will never go there and that. She wasn't like this. She was with me in my everything. I am so confused. I have forgiven & forgotten everything about the past still... What do you suggest ma'am???
Ans: Dear LoneKnight,
I have already made my suggestions in the initial response. Start afresh and wipe the slate clean. Rebuilding trust cannot happen overnight, so give the marriage a fair GO.
What you have shared again are problems and when you stay in that Zone, you will only be able to focus on problems. When there is an intention to solve the issue, the prerequisite is to move away from all the things that have gone wrong/bad and all the things that you think will go wrong/bad. That's the only way to solve problems. So my suggestions are still the same.

All the best!
Anu Krishna
Mind Coach|NLP Trainer|Author
Drop in: www.unfear.io
Reach me: Facebook: anukrish07/ AND LinkedIn: anukrishna-joyofserving/

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