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Ramalingam

Ramalingam Kalirajan  |6240 Answers  |Ask -

Mutual Funds, Financial Planning Expert - Answered on Jul 27, 2024

Ramalingam Kalirajan has over 23 years of experience in mutual funds and financial planning.
He has an MBA in finance from the University of Madras and is a certified financial planner.
He is the director and chief financial planner at Holistic Investment, a Chennai-based firm that offers financial planning and wealth management advice.... more
Asked by Anonymous - Jul 22, 2024Hindi
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I'm 42 years old and my monthly earning is 1.5lacs.. and my wife earns around 90k. Homeloan emi 74000 (remaining 15 yrs) Sip 75000 (45000+3000) Car loan 40000 (4yrs) Other income source 25000 2 plots worth of 75Lacs Now my wife wants to take break so she will not work anymore. I've a son of 10 years and daughyof 1year, how should I manage my day to day financials without compromising on sip Additionally my wife's PF , gratuity, final settlement together around 20L I've lended money to my friends around 12 Lacs Expecting 10Lacs in couple of months

Ans: Assessing Your Financial Situation

At 42, you have a stable monthly earning of Rs 1.5 lakhs. Your wife earns Rs 90,000, but she plans to take a break from work. You have a home loan EMI of Rs 74,000 for the next 15 years and a car loan EMI of Rs 40,000 for 4 years. You also invest Rs 75,000 in SIPs monthly and have other income sources of Rs 25,000. Additionally, you own two plots worth Rs 75 lakhs. Your wife's PF, gratuity, and final settlement amount to Rs 20 lakhs. You have also lent Rs 12 lakhs to friends and expect Rs 10 lakhs back in a couple of months. Let's explore how to manage your finances effectively.

Managing Day-to-Day Financials

Reevaluate Monthly Budget: With your wife not working, rework your monthly budget. Prioritize essential expenses and minimize discretionary spending.

Loan Management: Home loan and car loan EMIs take a significant portion of your income. Explore options to refinance your car loan at a lower interest rate or extend the tenure to reduce monthly EMIs.

Utilize Other Income Sources: Continue to leverage your additional income sources of Rs 25,000 to support household expenses.

Emergency Fund: Maintain an emergency fund to cover at least 6 months of expenses. This fund is crucial, especially with a single primary income.

Optimizing Investments

Continue SIP Investments: Try to maintain your SIP investments as much as possible. SIPs are crucial for long-term wealth creation and meeting future goals.

Redeploy Wife's Settlement: Use your wife's PF, gratuity, and final settlement (Rs 20 lakhs) wisely. Consider using a portion to pay off the car loan, thus reducing monthly EMI burden.

Reinvest Loan Repayments: Once you receive the Rs 10 lakhs from friends, consider using it for high-interest debt repayment or invest it wisely in mutual funds or other instruments.

Educational Planning for Children

Plan for Children’s Education: Start planning for your children's education expenses. Consider investing in child-specific mutual funds or PPF for their future needs.
Final Insights

Adjust Lifestyle: With one primary income, you may need to adjust your lifestyle temporarily. Focus on essential expenses and delay non-essential purchases.

Financial Discipline: Maintain financial discipline by regularly reviewing your budget and investments.

Consult a CFP: Seek advice from a Certified Financial Planner to tailor a plan that aligns with your financial goals and current situation.

Future Planning: Continuously reassess your financial situation, especially if your wife resumes work or any significant financial changes occur.

Best Regards,

K. Ramalingam, MBA, CFP

Chief Financial Planner

www.holisticinvestment.in
DISCLAIMER: The content of this post by the expert is the personal view of the rediffGURU. Users are advised to pursue the information provided by the rediffGURU only as a source of information to be as a point of reference and to rely on their own judgement when making a decision.
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Ramalingam

Ramalingam Kalirajan  |6240 Answers  |Ask -

Mutual Funds, Financial Planning Expert - Answered on May 13, 2024

Asked by Anonymous - May 02, 2024Hindi
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Money
Dear sir, I am 33 yrs old, in software industry with an in hand salary of 112k monthly and my wife is in a gov job with in hand salary of 85k monthly. I have a small car with EMI 11.5k rs, 6 EMIs remaining. A home loan with EMI of 35k, 210 EMIs remaining. We own a farmland worth about 20 lakh. We have some 15-16 lakh in MFs, EPF and NPS. We have two kids 5 and 1.5 yrs. Current school fee is 50k per year. We both have 1 cr term insurance each, premium (38k for me, 24k for her) payble yearly and for 8-9 more years. We save/invest 71k in MF SIP(25k large cap, 15k midcap, 10k smallcap, 10k flexi, 7k nifty next 50, 3-4k debt), 10k NPS, 13k EPF monthly. I am planning on adding 12k monthly more to investments (SGB/Debt/Index) once the car EMI is over. We have a family health insurance of 10 lakh from our employers. Are we managing our finances properly? Do we have too much liability? Are we saving/investing enough for a moderate education for kids and retirement by 60 and to maintain similar expenditure post retirement? Do we have enough insurance?
Ans: It's evident that you and your wife are diligently managing your finances and planning for the future, which is commendable. Let's review your financial situation and address your concerns.

You both have stable incomes, prudent savings, and investments across various avenues. However, it's crucial to ensure that your liabilities are manageable and aligned with your long-term financial goals.

With a car loan nearing completion and a home loan with an extended tenure, it's wise to consider reallocating the EMI amount towards additional investments once these liabilities are cleared. This proactive approach will enhance your investment corpus over time.

Your existing investments in MFs, EPF, and NPS provide a solid foundation for your financial future. By adding extra investments post-car loan repayment, you're further strengthening your financial portfolio.

Considering your children's education expenses and retirement planning, it's essential to continue increasing your investments gradually. Your current savings rate seems adequate, but adding the planned 12k monthly post-car loan can significantly boost your investment corpus.

Regarding insurance, having 1 crore term insurance each is a prudent move to safeguard your family's financial well-being in case of unforeseen events. However, considering inflation and increasing financial responsibilities, periodically reviewing your insurance coverage may be beneficial.

As for managing post-retirement expenses, projecting your retirement needs based on your current lifestyle and inflation is crucial. While your savings and investments are on the right track, consulting with a Certified Financial Planner can provide personalized insights and strategies to optimize your financial plan.

Overall, you're managing your finances prudently, balancing your liabilities with investments and adequately safeguarding your family's future. By staying disciplined in your savings and investments and periodically reassessing your financial plan, you're well-positioned to achieve your financial goals.

Best Regards,

K. Ramalingam, MBA, CFP,

Chief Financial Planner,

www.holisticinvestment.in

..Read more

Ramalingam

Ramalingam Kalirajan  |6240 Answers  |Ask -

Mutual Funds, Financial Planning Expert - Answered on Jun 04, 2024

Money
Hi Me and my wife are 30 & 29. We are looking to retire by 40 with 20 crores while also planning for our future kids. We have no kids right now. Current sip is 55k per month in large cap - 50%, mid cap- 25% and small cap 25%. I currently have 1 Flat, loan free whose rent will be given to my mother. Currently I am paying 20k to her per month. I have taken 1 more home loan of about 1.7cr in an under-construction property with emi 1.25. My wife has other home loan of 18 lacs in her hometown with emi of 36k. I earn 4.3l a month while my wife earns 2l pr month. Also our jobs in software industry is not stable. We also get RSUs but currently I am not counting that. How to plan this?
Ans: Understanding Your Current Financial Situation

Your goal to retire by 40 with Rs 20 crores is ambitious and achievable with strategic planning. At 30 and 29, you and your wife have time on your side, which is an advantage. Let's dive into the details of your current financial situation and then outline a comprehensive plan to help you achieve your goals.

Income and Expenses

You have a combined monthly income of Rs 6.3 lakhs. Your current SIP contribution is Rs 55,000, divided into large cap (50%), mid cap (25%), and small cap (25%) funds. You have a property that is loan-free, and the rent from this property goes to your mother. Additionally, you pay your mother Rs 20,000 per month.

Debt Obligations

You have a significant home loan of Rs 1.7 crores with an EMI of Rs 1.25 lakhs for an under-construction property. Your wife has a home loan of Rs 18 lakhs with an EMI of Rs 36,000. These are substantial monthly obligations that need careful management.

Future Goals and Responsibilities

You plan to retire in 10 years with Rs 20 crores and also plan for your future children. Given the instability in the software industry, it’s crucial to build a robust financial plan that accommodates potential job changes or disruptions.

Compliments and Empathy

Your commitment to planning for your financial future is commendable. It’s clear you have a disciplined approach to savings and investment, which is essential for reaching your goals. Your thoughtful consideration of your family’s needs, such as supporting your mother and planning for future children, reflects your responsible and caring nature.

Detailed Financial Planning Strategy

1. Analyzing Current Investments

Your SIP allocation is balanced with a focus on growth. Large cap funds provide stability, mid cap funds offer growth potential, and small cap funds add a high-growth element, albeit with higher risk. Continue this diversified approach but review and adjust periodically based on market conditions and fund performance.

2. Emergency Fund

Ensure you have an emergency fund that covers 6-12 months of living expenses. This fund should be easily accessible and kept in a liquid form like a savings account or a liquid mutual fund. This will provide a safety net in case of job loss or other financial emergencies.

3. Home Loan Management

Your current home loan EMIs are substantial. Aim to pay off the smaller loan (Rs 18 lakhs) first, as it will free up Rs 36,000 per month, which can then be redirected towards your investments or the larger home loan. For the Rs 1.7 crore loan, consider making prepayments whenever possible to reduce the principal and interest burden over time.

4. Increase SIP Contributions

With your combined income, there is potential to increase your SIP contributions. Aim to gradually increase your SIP amount by 10-15% annually. This will significantly boost your corpus over the next 10 years. Prioritize large and mid cap funds as they offer a balance of stability and growth.

5. Tax Planning

Utilize tax-saving investment options under Section 80C to reduce your taxable income. Investments in ELSS (Equity Linked Savings Scheme) funds can provide tax benefits while offering equity exposure. Also, consider using the National Pension System (NPS) for additional tax benefits under Section 80CCD(1B).

6. Planning for Children

Start a dedicated investment plan for your future children. Child education plans or a separate SIP can ensure you accumulate a substantial corpus by the time your children need it. This will help in managing future educational expenses without straining your retirement corpus.

7. Retirement Corpus Calculation

To accumulate Rs 20 crores in 10 years, calculate the monthly investment required using a financial calculator. Assuming an annual return of 12% from your SIPs, you will need to invest approximately Rs 2.3 lakhs per month. Adjust your current expenses and income accordingly to meet this goal.

8. Review and Rebalance Portfolio

Regularly review and rebalance your investment portfolio. Monitor the performance of your funds and make necessary adjustments. Rebalancing helps in maintaining the desired asset allocation and managing risk effectively.

9. Avoid Real Estate Investments

Given your existing real estate commitments, focus on other investment avenues. Real estate requires significant capital and is less liquid. Stick to equity and debt investments which provide better liquidity and potential for higher returns.

10. RSUs and Bonuses

Utilize RSUs and bonuses effectively. Consider them as additional investment opportunities rather than immediate spending. Invest these amounts in your existing SIPs or use them for loan prepayments.

11. Insurance Planning

Ensure you have adequate life and health insurance. A term life insurance policy covering at least 10-15 times your annual income is crucial. Health insurance for you and your family should cover major medical expenses and critical illnesses.

12. Consulting a Certified Financial Planner

A Certified Financial Planner (CFP) can provide personalized advice tailored to your specific needs. They can help you navigate complex financial decisions and ensure you are on track to meet your goals. Regular consultations with a CFP will help in fine-tuning your financial plan.

13. Benefits of Actively Managed Funds

Actively managed funds, with the guidance of a Mutual Fund Distributor (MFD) and CFP, offer professional management and the potential for higher returns compared to direct funds. They can adapt to market conditions and provide better risk management.

14. Avoiding Index Funds

Index funds, while low-cost, often mirror the market and may not provide the same growth potential as actively managed funds. Active fund managers can outperform the market, offering better returns, especially in the Indian market where active management can capitalize on market inefficiencies.

15. Regular Funds Over Direct Funds

Investing through regular funds with an MFD and CFP provides the benefit of professional advice and regular portfolio reviews. While direct funds have lower expense ratios, they lack the personalized guidance that can optimize your investment strategy and ensure alignment with your financial goals.

16. Regular Savings and Expense Management

Maintain a disciplined approach to saving and managing expenses. Track your spending and identify areas where you can cut back. Redirect these savings towards your investment goals.

17. Long-Term Focus and Patience

Achieving Rs 20 crores in 10 years requires a long-term focus and patience. Market fluctuations are normal, and staying invested through ups and downs is crucial. Avoid making impulsive decisions based on short-term market movements.

18. Diversification Across Asset Classes

Diversify your investments across different asset classes, including equity, debt, and gold. This reduces risk and enhances the potential for returns. Each asset class performs differently under various market conditions, providing stability to your portfolio.

19. Tracking Progress and Making Adjustments

Regularly track your financial progress. Use financial planning tools and software to monitor your investments and net worth. Make adjustments based on changes in your financial situation, goals, and market conditions.

20. Staying Informed and Educated

Stay informed about financial markets and investment opportunities. Educate yourself about different investment options and strategies. Knowledge empowers you to make better financial decisions and stay on track to achieve your goals.

Conclusion

Your goal of retiring by 40 with Rs 20 crores is challenging yet achievable with disciplined planning and execution. Focus on increasing your SIP contributions, managing your debt effectively, and staying diversified. Regular reviews and consultations with a Certified Financial Planner will ensure you stay on track. By following this comprehensive plan, you can achieve financial freedom and secure a prosperous future for your family.

Best Regards,

K. Ramalingam, MBA, CFP,

Chief Financial Planner,

www.holisticinvestment.in

..Read more

Ramalingam

Ramalingam Kalirajan  |6240 Answers  |Ask -

Mutual Funds, Financial Planning Expert - Answered on Jul 06, 2024

Asked by Anonymous - Jun 24, 2024Hindi
Money
Hello sir I m 48 years old and me & my wife got earing of 1+ lakhs per month and home loan of rs 40 lakhs.. Which i took 4 years back..with EMIof ?39615/ month Which i have planned to increase by 5% every year I too have daughter of 5 years .. Who has started going to school From this year As per saving is concerned.. I have ppf... ?2000/ month Bajaj allience? 6000/year Sukanya s yojana ? 1000/ month Met life pnb ? for last 10 years. ? 3000/ month Epf.. Both me & my wife Since last year 19& 18 years respectively How shd i manege my finance So that i could.. Finish the loan before me & my wife retirement.. Thank you
Ans: Managing your finances effectively can ensure a secure and comfortable future for you and your family. At 48, with a combined monthly earning of over Rs 1 lakh and a daughter starting school, it's essential to have a robust financial plan. Let's dive into how you can manage your finances to finish your home loan before retirement and secure your family's future.

Understanding Your Financial Position
Firstly, let's assess your current financial status:

Age: 48 years
Combined Monthly Earnings: Over Rs 1 lakh
Home Loan: Rs 40 lakhs, taken 4 years back
EMI: Rs 39,615/month, planned to increase by 5% annually
Daughter's Age: 5 years, recently started school
Existing Investments and Savings
You have several ongoing investments and savings plans:

PPF: Rs 2000/month
Bajaj Allianz: Rs 6000/year
Sukanya Samriddhi Yojana: Rs 1000/month
Met Life PNB: Rs 3000/month (for last 10 years)
EPF: Both you and your wife have been contributing (19 years and 18 years respectively)
Goal: Finishing the Home Loan Before Retirement
Your primary goal is to finish the home loan before you and your wife retire. Let's break down the steps to achieve this.

Step 1: Evaluating and Adjusting the EMI
You're currently paying an EMI of Rs 39,615/month. Increasing this by 5% annually is a good strategy. This will help you pay off the loan faster and reduce the total interest paid. Here’s how you can implement it effectively:

Yearly Increase: Make sure to adjust your budget to accommodate this increase each year.
Prepayments: Use any bonuses or extra income for prepayments. This reduces the principal amount and the interest burden.
Step 2: Reviewing Your Investments
Now, let's review and optimize your existing investments for better returns and liquidity.

PPF (Public Provident Fund):

Pros: Safe, tax-free returns.
Cons: Lock-in period of 15 years, partial withdrawals allowed after 7 years.
Recommendation: Continue with PPF for its safety and tax benefits.
Bajaj Allianz:

Pros: Provides insurance cover along with investment.
Cons: Returns are generally lower compared to mutual funds.
Recommendation: Consider surrendering this policy and investing the proceeds in mutual funds for better returns.
Sukanya Samriddhi Yojana:

Pros: High-interest rate, tax benefits, specifically for girl child.
Cons: Lock-in period until the girl turns 21.
Recommendation: Continue with this as it's specifically for your daughter’s future.
Met Life PNB:

Pros: Provides insurance cover.
Cons: Lower returns compared to mutual funds.
Recommendation: Evaluate the surrender value and consider moving the funds to mutual funds.
Step 3: Building a Balanced Portfolio
Creating a balanced portfolio with a mix of equity and debt investments will help you achieve your financial goals.

Equity Mutual Funds:

Pros: Higher potential returns, suitable for long-term goals.
Cons: Market risk, requires patience and a long-term horizon.
Recommendation: Allocate a portion of your savings to equity mutual funds for wealth creation.
Debt Mutual Funds:

Pros: Lower risk, stable returns.
Cons: Lower returns compared to equity.
Recommendation: Use debt mutual funds for medium-term goals and to balance the risk in your portfolio.
Step 4: Increasing EPF Contributions
Both you and your wife have been contributing to EPF for many years. Consider increasing your voluntary provident fund (VPF) contributions. EPF offers safe and tax-free returns, making it an excellent tool for retirement planning.

Step 5: Education Fund for Your Daughter
With your daughter starting school, it's essential to plan for her future education expenses.

Sukanya Samriddhi Yojana:

Continue contributing as it offers good returns and tax benefits.
Education Fund:

Recommendation: Start a dedicated education fund with equity mutual funds. This will help you meet her higher education expenses.
Step 6: Emergency Fund
Ensure you have an emergency fund that covers at least 6-12 months of your monthly expenses. This fund should be easily accessible and kept in liquid assets like a savings account or liquid mutual funds.

Step 7: Insurance Coverage
Having adequate insurance coverage is crucial to protect your family’s financial future.

Term Insurance:

Ensure both you and your wife have term insurance coverage that is 10-15 times your annual income. This provides financial security in case of an unfortunate event.
Health Insurance:

Have comprehensive health insurance for your entire family to cover medical expenses.
Analyzing and Rebalancing Your Portfolio
Regularly review your portfolio to ensure it remains aligned with your financial goals and risk tolerance. Rebalance your portfolio annually to maintain the desired asset allocation between equity and debt.


It’s commendable that you are focused on managing your finances and securing your family’s future. Your commitment to increasing your EMI and planning for your daughter's education is impressive. Balancing multiple financial goals at this stage of life is challenging, and your proactive approach is truly inspiring.

Final Insights
To achieve your goal of finishing the home loan before retirement, focus on increasing your EMI, making prepayments, and optimizing your investments. Building a balanced portfolio with equity and debt mutual funds will help in wealth creation and risk management. Regularly review and rebalance your portfolio to stay on track.

Best Regards,

K. Ramalingam, MBA, CFP,

Chief Financial Planner,

www.holisticinvestment.in

..Read more

Ramalingam

Ramalingam Kalirajan  |6240 Answers  |Ask -

Mutual Funds, Financial Planning Expert - Answered on Aug 23, 2024

Asked by Anonymous - Jun 26, 2024Hindi
Money
Hi, I am 29 year old and my husband is 35 year old. We have 1.5 year old kid. We both are working and earn around 2.3 lakh per month. We have a house loan and personal loan emi deducting 90,000 per month Maid & nannu expenses around 30k per month. House expenses including maintenance around 30k per month. Parents we send -20,000 per month I invest in ppf 50,000 per year Nps - 50,000 per year My husband lic - 40,000 per year SSY for daughter - 50,000 per year Gold scheme in jewellery - 1000 per month. We have hand loans around - 4.5 lakh We don't eat outside or travel that much and don't spend money on unwanted things. We stay in metro politan city. Even though we spend carefully, by the end of month we won't have a penny in account. We want to manage our finances in better way so that we can clear our home loan and personal loans faster and also save for our kid's future and our retirement.
Ans: You and your husband earn a combined Rs 2.3 lakhs per month. However, high EMI payments and other expenses leave little room for savings. Let’s assess the key areas where your income is allocated:

Home Loan and Personal Loan EMIs: Rs 90,000 per month.
Maid and Nanny Expenses: Rs 30,000 per month.
Household Expenses: Rs 30,000 per month.
Parents’ Support: Rs 20,000 per month.
PPF Contribution: Rs 50,000 per year.
NPS Contribution: Rs 50,000 per year.
LIC Premium: Rs 40,000 per year.
SSY Contribution: Rs 50,000 per year.
Gold Scheme: Rs 1,000 per month.
Hand Loans Outstanding: Rs 4.5 lakhs.
Given these commitments, it’s understandable that managing your finances is a challenge.

Setting Financial Priorities
To improve your financial situation, you need to establish clear priorities. The focus should be on:

Debt Repayment: Clearing your personal loans and hand loans faster.

Savings: Increasing your savings for your child’s future and retirement.

Emergency Fund: Building a fund for unexpected expenses.

Investments: Planning investments for long-term goals.

1. Accelerating Debt Repayment
Clearing your debts should be the top priority. Here’s how you can tackle it:

Target High-Interest Debts First: Focus on repaying hand loans and personal loans first, as they likely have higher interest rates than your home loan.

Allocate Bonuses and Increments: Use any annual bonuses or salary increments towards loan repayment. This can significantly reduce the principal amount and interest burden.

Reduce Unnecessary Expenses: Although you already spend carefully, consider if there are any further non-essential expenses that can be reduced. Every saved rupee can be redirected to debt repayment.

Reevaluate EMI Options: If possible, consider negotiating with the bank to lower your EMIs by extending the tenure. This will ease your monthly cash flow, allowing you to pay off smaller, high-interest loans faster.

2. Building an Emergency Fund
An emergency fund is essential to cover unexpected expenses without resorting to loans:

Start Small: Begin by saving Rs 5,000 per month into a liquid fund or a recurring deposit. Gradually increase this amount as your debt burden decreases.

Aim for 6 Months of Expenses: Your goal should be to accumulate enough to cover 6 months of household expenses, including EMIs.

3. Optimizing Existing Investments
You have investments in PPF, NPS, LIC, SSY, and a gold scheme. Here’s how to optimize them:

PPF and SSY: These are safe investments with good returns. Continue with these for your daughter’s future.

NPS: NPS is a good option for retirement. However, ensure you’re in the right fund with an appropriate asset allocation.

LIC Premiums: Review your LIC policies. If they are endowment or money-back plans, they might not provide the best returns. Consider surrendering non-performing policies and reinvesting in mutual funds with a Certified Financial Planner’s guidance.

Gold Scheme: While gold is a good hedge against inflation, Rs 1,000 per month may not be significant. You may consider reallocating this amount towards debt repayment or other investments.

4. Investing for Your Child’s Future and Retirement
Once your debts are under control, focus on increasing your savings and investments:

Systematic Investment Plans (SIPs): Start or increase your SIPs in actively managed equity mutual funds. This will help you build wealth for your child’s education and your retirement.

Child Education Fund: Set aside a separate SIP for your child’s education. The longer the investment horizon, the better the compounding effect.

Retirement Planning: Ensure your NPS contributions are in line with your retirement goals. You may also consider additional SIPs in equity funds to supplement your retirement corpus.

5. Managing Monthly Cash Flow
To improve your cash flow and avoid running out of money by month-end:

Monthly Budgeting: Create a detailed monthly budget, categorizing all expenses. Track actual expenses against this budget to identify areas where you can save more.

Automate Savings: Set up automatic transfers to savings and investment accounts as soon as your salary is credited. This ensures that you pay yourself first before spending on other things.

Review and Adjust: Regularly review your financial situation. As debts decrease and income increases, adjust your savings and investments accordingly.

Final Insights
Managing finances with significant debt and responsibilities can be challenging, but with the right strategies, it’s possible to achieve your financial goals. Focus on accelerating debt repayment, optimizing existing investments, and building a robust emergency fund. With disciplined budgeting and a clear investment strategy, you can secure a better future for your family and ensure financial stability in the long term.

Best Regards,

K. Ramalingam, MBA, CFP

Chief Financial Planner

www.holisticinvestment.in

..Read more

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Anu Krishna  |1152 Answers  |Ask -

Relationships Expert, Mind Coach - Answered on Sep 08, 2024

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Anu Krishna  |1152 Answers  |Ask -

Relationships Expert, Mind Coach - Answered on Sep 08, 2024

Asked by Anonymous - Sep 05, 2024Hindi
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Relationship
I wanted to get clarity on my situation. I am 24yr old and i am working person. I am loving a girl in my office since two years and she also accepted. We are from intercaste and her parents accepted. But my parents are not in a way to get convinced no matter what. They want the caste to be same also and they are completely saying that what society will tell if you are doing like this and we cant live if you do like this. But i loved the girl the most and took care of her and being with her each and every second. I dono what to do. The only idea i m having is to go away from home , do my job and be with her. Now my parents are not allowing me to go to job also instead they asked me to take wfh. Please give me some suggestions on this. Please mam. Whenever i think of her that i left her and came i m getting so much chest pain which i cant bear. please help me with this. Constraints they are saying is its intercaste and age difference as she is 3yrs elder to me. But we feel that we are more compatible and more understanding. Girls side family agreed for this as they want their daughters happiness, but from myside they are doing emotional blackmail that they cant live if i do this and all. I am in hopeless situation, please help me with some suggestions.
Ans: Dear Anonymous,
At the risk of sounding judgemental, I am going to say this...you can wait a few more years to actually get married. It will offer you financial stability which can act in your favor when you actually take the news to your parents. With financial stability, comes a certain level of confidence that you can use to stand your ground and make a decision. After all, you are an adult.
Caste beliefs are very strongly etched into minds in our society and take an entire generation change to accept a person from another caste/faith/religion...
So, you can either succumb to what your parents want OR wait patiently to tell them what your decision is. But whatever it is, make sure you don't make the girl wait and them 'dump' her after a few years...that is not OKAY! Stay firm and proceed. And as for the emotional blackmail from your parents on how they will live if you do this etc, it's a very unhealthy way of holding on to what they believe and want to to be pressured by all that drama. To counter this drama, you are falling back on your financial position and the confidence that comes with it.

All the best!
Anu Krishna
Mind Coach|NLP Trainer|Author
Drop in: www.unfear.io
Reach me: Facebook: anukrish07/ AND LinkedIn: anukrishna-joyofserving/

...Read more

Dr Dipankar

Dr Dipankar Dutta  |555 Answers  |Ask -

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DISCLAIMER: The content of this post by the expert is the personal view of the rediffGURU. Investment in securities market are subject to market risks. Read all the related document carefully before investing. The securities quoted are for illustration only and are not recommendatory. Users are advised to pursue the information provided by the rediffGURU only as a source of information and as a point of reference and to rely on their own judgement when making a decision. RediffGURUS is an intermediary as per India's Information Technology Act.

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