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My Son Won't Help Financially After I Paid $100k for His Education: Am I Wrong to Expect Support?

Archana

Archana Deshpande  |100 Answers  |Ask -

Image Coach, Soft Skills Trainer - Answered on Feb 02, 2025

Archana Deshpande, the founder of TransformMe Life Skills Coaching, is an image consultant, soft skills trainer and life coach.
She has been working with individuals and corporate organisations for more than 10 years during which she has helped professionals and students improve their soft skills, build confidence and enhance self-esteem.
An engineer from the PDA College of Engineering, Gulbarga, Archana had a successful career at Reliance Communications. But she has always been interested in teaching and training people. So she pursued a postgraduate diploma in teacher’s training at Pune’s Symbiosis Institute of Management Studies followed by teaching assignments in schools at Visakhapatnam and Mumbai.
Archana also holds an international certificate in image consulting and soft skills training from the Image Consulting Business Institute, Mumbai.... more
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Dear MAM , I am writing to express some concerns and seek your advice regarding my son who is currently working in the USA after completing his Master's degree. While I am proud of his achievements, I find myself feeling a bit confused about my role as a father during this phase of his life. As he focuses on his career and plans for the future, I wonder if I should expect some support from him for our family's needs, especially considering the financial burden I have undertaken for his education, which amounts to about 1 crore. Additionally, I have responsibilities towards my 90+ year-old mother and my other son, who is also in need of educational support. My son seems to be making all his life decisions independently, including matters relating to his future marriage, without seeking our input. This leaves me feeling sidelined in his life choices. Can you please share your thoughts on how I should navigate this situation? Your guidance would be invaluable as I try to understand my place and expectations in this new dynamic. Thank you for your consideration. I look forward to your response.

Ans: Dear Sir,

He is your son and your blood. You have brought him up ....your values and culture is in him. You have supported him wholeheartedly and you have always been there for him, I am sure he will be there for you too. Just sit down with your son and have a heart to heart talk with him, have the faith that you have brought up your son well, he will listen to your genuine concerns and help you out.

It is just that he is too eager to fly high, the education, the US culture, the freedom is a heady combination right now. Participate in his plans wholeheartedly and with full josh when he shares his plans with you. Don't come in his way, don't demand but ask him to help you out. Please remember that when your child stays away from you, the bonds require efforts to rebuild and make them strong again. Since he is no longer staying with you, he may not have the clear picture of what is happening in your lives here. So please " TALK " to him face to face.

You must be happy that your son has grown up enough to make his life decisions on his own, this is a good sign, he is no longer dependent on you, like you said just be proud of him and be supportive. Love him unconditionally. I know as a parent you feel left out..... what can you do, but to see your little one soar high, trust me I totally understand how you feel. You have given him the wings by funding his education, you can't demand he return the money or pay you back. What you can do is this... give him a proper picture of your financial condition, your younger son's aspirations, he is your eldest, elder children are always responsible, he will come to your rescue and help you out I am very sure of that. Let the language of love and togetherness between the son and father create the magic. Communicate with your child dear father, that's the key, that's the solution.

All the very best!!
Career

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Prof Suvasish

Prof Suvasish Mukhopadhyay  |364 Answers  |Ask -

Career Counsellor - Answered on Jan 23, 2025

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Dear sir , I am writing to express some concerns and seek your advice regarding my son who is currently working in the USA after completing his Master's degree. While I am proud of his achievements, I find myself feeling a bit confused about my role as a father during this phase of his life. As he focuses on his career and plans for the future, I wonder if I should expect some support from him for our family's needs, especially considering the financial burden I have undertaken for his education, which amounts to about 1 crore. Additionally, I have responsibilities towards my 90+ year-old mother and my other son, who is also in need of educational support. My son seems to be making all his life decisions independently, including matters relating to his future marriage, without seeking our input. This leaves me feeling sidelined in his life choices. Can you please share your thoughts on how I should navigate this situation? Your guidance would be invaluable as I try to understand my place and expectations in this new dynamic. Thank you for your consideration. I look forward to your response.
Ans: First let me tell you, I am always with you. In this platform I can't share my phone no or email ID. But I will give you the ultimate solution. As a father you have done your full duty and I understand your situation. 90+ mother is there and along with her another son's complete responsibility is there. Regarding marriage and other things let him take his own decision, no issue. But during the critical hours he has to support you per month and the minimum amount what he should send is 1200 US Dollar ( nearly one lakh rupees). Straight away put this condition. This discaring attitude generates out of pampering and for 99% sons their typical Indian mothers are responsible. Put your condition with a tough tone. Be good for good and bad for bad. Now behave like a manager, not like a father. I don't know his branch. If he is in IT then he must be earning 9000-10000 US Dollar per month. So let him send 1200 USD per month. If he doesn't listen to you then for time being keep distance with him. You are the father, so you must have the personality so that he listens to you. Use this advice and follow me and in future please contact me whenever you face some difficulties. Regards. Professor.

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Radheshyam

Radheshyam Zanwar  |1189 Answers  |Ask -

MHT-CET, IIT-JEE, NEET-UG Expert - Answered on Feb 15, 2025

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My son has got 91 percentile in the recent jee exam , he has next attempt in april, but i feel its difficult for him , can i know about other good colleges in karnataka , as im based their. interested in computer science and aeronautical degree, also advise some recent good courses for his career in india.
Ans: Hello Manoj.
Do not get stressed at this stage. Even though his score is 91 percentile in 1st attempt, he can do well in 2nd attempt. But from the safer side, ask him to appear in the Karnataka State Engineering Entrance Examination also. Even if he scores less in JEE on 2nd attempt, he may good college via the state entrance examination in CSE or aeronautical engineering as per your wish. For your reference, there are 10 colleges in India where you can get admission without a JEE score. To know more details, please copy and paste the following link into your browser- https://timesofindia.indiatimes.com/education/news/10-engineering-colleges-in-india-for-pursuing-btech-without-jee-main-2025-score/articleshow/118162587.cms.
There are no such courses to be called as recent. The choice of courses depends upon the interest of your son. Hence there is no need to hurry and get into panic at this stage. Let him appear for both exams first, Ask about his interests, and then choose the course accordingly. I would be happy to suggest you after knowing his scores in JEE+State entrance + his liking.
Till then, ask him to focus only on two engineering entrance exams. Best of luck to your son for upcoming exams.

If satisfied with the reply, please like and follow me, else ask again.
Thanks
Radheshyam

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