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My Son Won't Help Financially After I Paid $100k for His Education: Am I Wrong to Expect Support?

Archana

Archana Deshpande  |129 Answers  |Ask -

Image Coach, Soft Skills Trainer - Answered on Feb 02, 2025

Archana Deshpande, the founder of TransformMe Life Skills Coaching, is an image consultant, soft skills trainer and life coach.
She has been working with individuals and corporate organisations for more than 10 years during which she has helped professionals and students improve their soft skills, build confidence and enhance self-esteem.
An engineer from the PDA College of Engineering, Gulbarga, Archana had a successful career at Reliance Communications. But she has always been interested in teaching and training people. So she pursued a postgraduate diploma in teacher’s training at Pune’s Symbiosis Institute of Management Studies followed by teaching assignments in schools at Visakhapatnam and Mumbai.
Archana also holds an international certificate in image consulting and soft skills training from the Image Consulting Business Institute, Mumbai.... more
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Career

Dear MAM , I am writing to express some concerns and seek your advice regarding my son who is currently working in the USA after completing his Master's degree. While I am proud of his achievements, I find myself feeling a bit confused about my role as a father during this phase of his life. As he focuses on his career and plans for the future, I wonder if I should expect some support from him for our family's needs, especially considering the financial burden I have undertaken for his education, which amounts to about 1 crore. Additionally, I have responsibilities towards my 90+ year-old mother and my other son, who is also in need of educational support. My son seems to be making all his life decisions independently, including matters relating to his future marriage, without seeking our input. This leaves me feeling sidelined in his life choices. Can you please share your thoughts on how I should navigate this situation? Your guidance would be invaluable as I try to understand my place and expectations in this new dynamic. Thank you for your consideration. I look forward to your response.

Ans: Dear Sir,

He is your son and your blood. You have brought him up ....your values and culture is in him. You have supported him wholeheartedly and you have always been there for him, I am sure he will be there for you too. Just sit down with your son and have a heart to heart talk with him, have the faith that you have brought up your son well, he will listen to your genuine concerns and help you out.

It is just that he is too eager to fly high, the education, the US culture, the freedom is a heady combination right now. Participate in his plans wholeheartedly and with full josh when he shares his plans with you. Don't come in his way, don't demand but ask him to help you out. Please remember that when your child stays away from you, the bonds require efforts to rebuild and make them strong again. Since he is no longer staying with you, he may not have the clear picture of what is happening in your lives here. So please " TALK " to him face to face.

You must be happy that your son has grown up enough to make his life decisions on his own, this is a good sign, he is no longer dependent on you, like you said just be proud of him and be supportive. Love him unconditionally. I know as a parent you feel left out..... what can you do, but to see your little one soar high, trust me I totally understand how you feel. You have given him the wings by funding his education, you can't demand he return the money or pay you back. What you can do is this... give him a proper picture of your financial condition, your younger son's aspirations, he is your eldest, elder children are always responsible, he will come to your rescue and help you out I am very sure of that. Let the language of love and togetherness between the son and father create the magic. Communicate with your child dear father, that's the key, that's the solution.

All the very best!!
Career

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Anu

Anu Krishna  |1809 Answers  |Ask -

Relationships Expert, Mind Coach - Answered on Nov 01, 2022

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Good morning Anu jiHope you are doing well. I am a working mother with two kids. My son is 18 years old and my daughter is 11.My office offered me to relocate to Malaysia and I opted for it.I moved with my daughter to Malaysia. My husband and son are in India. This is mutually accepted by family. The reason I chose this option was because the working environment in India office was very stressful with lots of corporate policies. My daughter has a creative mindset. She had to struggle in studies due to Indian education system. My son was in class 12 so I thought he will go to hostel for further studies. But after moving to Malaysia things got changed. My daughter goes to an international school but the standard of education is very low though fees is very high as compared to India. My son got admission in Delhi, which is good. Now, I'm confused if I should come back to India or stay in Malaysia with my daughter. My husband is very co-operative and his office is very supportive that he can work from Malaysia. Being a mother and a wife I am not able to manage this separation. But my husband wants me to grow in my career. I know in future I will have to pay a lot for my daughter's study. For the same amount she can go to a good boarding school. My son also needs my help but I want him to understand that life is not very easy, it is not for enjoyment. I didn’t want to spoil him so I decided that he will live in PG and become independent.I don't know if I am doing the right thing for my children. If I move back to India my husband will not be happy because according to him, I'm getting too emotional.I don't know what to do -- meet husband’s expectations or take the right step which is good for my family?Pls help.
Ans:

Dear NN,

Too much of confusion, mostly self-inflicted, if I may add.

You know why I say that, because there is not a mention in your letter/ email on: What is it that you want?

You have conveniently skirted it (the mind can trick you easily) and you are citing excuses to do what others want. What do you want?

Let’s out things into perspective:

1. You shifted for work and now you feel that your daughter’s education is getting impacted

2. You feel like coming back for her education, but you feel that your husband won’t be happy about it.

3. You know that your son might need you now, but then husband thinks you are emotional

It’s time the four of you as a family sat down and spoke rather than thinking and feeling.

Your children are practically adults and are capable of having a sane and conscious conversation that involves the family and their lives as well.

So there’s no more two way conversation between you parents causing more confusion.

Most families go round in circles without realising that who they are discussing about and making decisions on are not even involved in it actively.

In your case, it’s your children…involve them and let them express what they feel is right for them and what they want.

This can help clarify a lot in your mind and your husband also might be aligned to what comes through that 4-way conversation.

It will also bring all of you a while lot closer than before.

All the best!

..Read more

Prof Suvasish

Prof Suvasish Mukhopadhyay  | Answer  |Ask -

Career Counsellor - Answered on Jan 23, 2025

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Career
Dear sir , I am writing to express some concerns and seek your advice regarding my son who is currently working in the USA after completing his Master's degree. While I am proud of his achievements, I find myself feeling a bit confused about my role as a father during this phase of his life. As he focuses on his career and plans for the future, I wonder if I should expect some support from him for our family's needs, especially considering the financial burden I have undertaken for his education, which amounts to about 1 crore. Additionally, I have responsibilities towards my 90+ year-old mother and my other son, who is also in need of educational support. My son seems to be making all his life decisions independently, including matters relating to his future marriage, without seeking our input. This leaves me feeling sidelined in his life choices. Can you please share your thoughts on how I should navigate this situation? Your guidance would be invaluable as I try to understand my place and expectations in this new dynamic. Thank you for your consideration. I look forward to your response.
Ans: First let me tell you, I am always with you. In this platform I can't share my phone no or email ID. But I will give you the ultimate solution. As a father you have done your full duty and I understand your situation. 90+ mother is there and along with her another son's complete responsibility is there. Regarding marriage and other things let him take his own decision, no issue. But during the critical hours he has to support you per month and the minimum amount what he should send is 1200 US Dollar ( nearly one lakh rupees). Straight away put this condition. This discaring attitude generates out of pampering and for 99% sons their typical Indian mothers are responsible. Put your condition with a tough tone. Be good for good and bad for bad. Now behave like a manager, not like a father. I don't know his branch. If he is in IT then he must be earning 9000-10000 US Dollar per month. So let him send 1200 USD per month. If he doesn't listen to you then for time being keep distance with him. You are the father, so you must have the personality so that he listens to you. Use this advice and follow me and in future please contact me whenever you face some difficulties. Regards. Professor.

..Read more

Latest Questions
Anu

Anu Krishna  |1809 Answers  |Ask -

Relationships Expert, Mind Coach - Answered on Aug 11, 2026

Asked by Anonymous - Jul 31, 2026
Relationship
Hi Madam, I am from Jaipur. My daughter is married in well off joint family having a baby of 2 years. My daughter is facing the following problem/s. 1. In their family, she has mother-in-law, her two sons (daughter is married to the elder son), the other son is also married with a working wife. My daughter is also working in a reputed multinational company. 2. We have raised our daughter with good values viz. always respect elders whether or not they reciprocate with love, keep good relations with all (elders and younger), to take care of home. 3. The problem is her mother-in-law is totally in favour of her younger daughter-in-law as she is from their caste. She gives more importance to the younger bahu than my daughter. No matter how much my daughter does for her mom-in-law and others in the family, she always finds fault with her. On the other hand, the younger daughter-in-law is very clever and shrewd and finds ways to butter mother-in-law and the sister-in-law (who is also married having 2 children, living separately). She does very less household work and still manages to get praise from all because of her shrewdness. My daughter doesn’t like doing buttering, lip-service. 4. My daughter is therefore continuously facing physical and mental stress due to all this. She shares her sufferings with me and I try to console her and advise her to tactfully handle situations as they arrive. Don’t take too much stress but I understand her situation. 5. My son-in-law though loves his wife but care more for his ageing mother and therefore doesn’t confront his mother, his bhabhi or his younger brother (who is also totally in favour of his wife i.e. younger daughter-in-law). He supports my daughter in private but doesn’t confront his mother whenever my daughter complains about her, saying mom might feel hurt. 6. The biggest problem is due to all this; my daughter is in great stress. Sometimes unable to cope with extreme situations surrounding her. She keeps sharing her thoughts and problems with me and I give her advice according to best my knowledge and experience. I request for your expert advice on what action should we take so that my daughter can lead a normal, dignified life. Thanks.
Ans: Dear Anonymous,
It's almost impossible to change people BUT the way we respond to them is the only safe bet...

If your son-in-law openly supports your daughter, you know what it will do to the family; fights, arguments and if there's a rift your daughter will be blamed for it
If the only way is a joint family, then the way to approach this is quite straightforward and it's even better as your daughter is working, so very little time for interactions at home. Now, if your daughter chooses to be bothered by who's the better daughter-in-law and who does more work and who gets the praise, she's going to be stuck in this loop and there's no end to it.
Yes, I will ask her to ignore, do only what she can, not waiting for anyone to notice...seeing this change in behavior will definitely cause the family to notice it and who knows things may change.
If marriage only meant that one's efforts must be noticed and especially in a joint family, that is almost an impossibility as someone or the other is going to be unhappy with the efforts. Is your daughter going to chase this or is going to life her life?
As I mentioned earlier, trying to change someone will only end up in fights and if your daughter and her husband are ready for what will follow, then that's a choice that they need to make which is also fine.

All the best!
Anu Krishna
Mind Coach|NLP Trainer|Author
Drop in: www.unfear.io
Reach me: Facebook: anukrish07/ AND LinkedIn: anukrishna-joyofserving/

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Komal Jethmalani  |484 Answers  |Ask -

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Nayagam P P  |12500 Answers  |Ask -

Career Counsellor - Answered on Aug 10, 2026

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sir JIIT Bsc CS or JUIT solan BTech mathematics and computing or Sri Krishna Institue of Technology banglore which is a better option sir please help
Ans: Mohd, Mohd, JUIT Solan – B.Tech Mathematics & Computing (M&C) could be the first preference. As a B.Tech programme, it currently offers stronger degree value and broader acceptance in the corporate technology sector than a B.Sc., while providing strong opportunities in computing, AI, data science and related fields.

Second preference: JIIT Noida – B.Sc. Computer Science, particularly if the long-term goal is higher education such as an MCA or MS abroad, along with the advantage of being located in the Delhi-NCR corporate and technology hub. However, since the B.Sc. programme is relatively new, its independent placement track record is still developing.

Third preference: SKIT Bengaluru – CSE. Although Bengaluru offers excellent exposure to India's technology ecosystem, SKIT is a relatively lower-tier engineering institution with a developing academic and placement ecosystem. Therefore, it ranks below JUIT and JIIT for overall long-term career prospects. All The Best for Your Prosperous Future!

Follow RediffGURUS to Know More on 'Careers | Money | Health | Relationships'.

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Ramalingam

Ramalingam Kalirajan  |11374 Answers  |Ask -

Mutual Funds, Financial Planning Expert - Answered on Aug 10, 2026

Money
Regarding For Health Insurance And Term Insurance Me Age 31 Wife Age 24 Son Age 3 Mom AGE 50 DAD Age 55 Please Suggust Good Health Insurance Please Suggust Term Insurance Also For me Thanks Please Sugg
Ans: You are starting insurance planning at the right age. At 31, term insurance is usually much cheaper than later.

» Health Insurance

I would not put everyone into one common policy.

A practical structure would be:

– You, wife and son: family floater policy.
– Mother and father: separate senior-age health policies.
– Avoid mixing parents with your young family.
– Consider a strong base cover with a suitable super top-up.
– Check room-rent limits, co-payment and disease waiting periods.
– Check the insurer network near your residence.
– Check claim settlement process and policy exclusions.

For your parents, premiums can be much higher at ages 50 and 55.
So compare plans carefully before selecting one.

» Your Term Insurance

At age 31, term insurance is important because your wife and son depend on your income.

The required cover should consider:

– Your current income.
– Outstanding loans, if any.
– Child education.
– Family living expenses.
– Future financial responsibilities.

As a broad starting point, a Rs.1.5 crore to Rs.2 crore cover can be evaluated.

The policy should ideally continue until your major financial responsibilities reduce.

Choose pure term insurance only.

Avoid combining insurance with investment products.

» Important Point

Health insurance and term insurance serve different purposes.

Health insurance protects your savings from medical expenses.

Term insurance protects your family from loss of income.

Both should be treated as protection, not investment.

» Before Choosing Any Policy

Please compare:

– Claim settlement terms
– Waiting periods
– Permanent exclusions
– Co-payment conditions
– Room-rent restrictions
– Restoration benefits
– Lifetime renewal
– Network hospitals
– Premium increases
– Policy wording

Do not select only because the premium is lowest.

» Final Insights

Your young family needs a good health cover and adequate term cover.

Keep your parents separately insured.

For you, evaluate Rs.1.5 crore to Rs.2 crore term cover.

For health insurance, the exact recommendation needs your city and budget.

Also, disclose all existing medical conditions honestly while purchasing.

Best Regards,

K. Ramalingam, MBA, CFP,

AMFI-Registered MFD – ARN 4188

www.holisticinvestment.in

https://www.linkedin.com/in/ramalingamcfp/

...Read more

Ramalingam

Ramalingam Kalirajan  |11374 Answers  |Ask -

Mutual Funds, Financial Planning Expert - Answered on Aug 10, 2026

Money
Hi Sir, i am a Accountant, i am married , i have one kid with age of 3, now i am planing to Reshape my Mutual Fund Protfolio, could you advice is this correct. Now My AGE 31 I am planing until my Age 40 and After 5 Year 1 Start to SWP From That Funds 1 . parag parik flexicap fund - Monthly 6K 2 . zerodha nifty large & Mid 250 elss fund - Monthly 4K 3 . Motilal Oswal Mid cap - Monthly 3K 4. Banthan Small Cap - Monthly 2K 5 . Nippon India Gold Saving Fund - 2 K NOTE : Every Year 10% Increse SIP Amount total 10 Year Horizon and i need money from after 5 Year I start SWP can i go long term this funds or need to rebalance
Ans: You have started quite early, which is a big advantage. At age 31, your long-term compounding period is strong. Your 10% annual SIP increase is also a very good habit.

» Your Present Strategy

Your total monthly SIP is Rs.17,000.

The broad allocation is:

– Flexi-cap: Rs.6,000
– Large and mid-cap index: Rs.4,000
– Mid-cap: Rs.3,000
– Small-cap: Rs.2,000
– Gold: Rs.2,000

The allocation is reasonably diversified.

But one important issue needs attention.

You want to start SWP after only 5 years.

Five years is not a very long period for an equity-heavy portfolio.

» Main Concern With The Five-Year SWP

If you definitely need money after five years, do not keep the entire corpus in equity.

Markets can fall sharply around your SWP starting date.

This can force you to sell units at low prices.

A better approach is goal-based investing.

– Years 1 to 3: Equity can have a larger role.
– Around year 4: Start reducing risk for the required amount.
– By year 5: Keep the next few years SWP requirement in safer assets.
– Let the remaining long-term money stay invested for growth.

This can make your SWP much more comfortable.

» About The Large And Mid-Cap Index Fund

This is the part I would reconsider.

An index fund simply follows its chosen index.

It does not actively select companies based on changing business conditions.

It also cannot avoid a company merely because its future outlook has weakened.

An actively managed fund gives the fund manager flexibility.

The manager can change stocks based on valuations, earnings and business quality.

Since you are planning long-term wealth creation, active management can be useful.

I would therefore review this allocation and consider an actively managed diversified category instead.

» Mid-Cap And Small-Cap Exposure

Having both mid-cap and small-cap exposure can help long-term growth.

But these categories can fluctuate heavily.

Since you want money after five years, do not increase these allocations aggressively.

Your 10% annual SIP increase is good.

But future increases should not automatically go into small-cap funds.

» Gold Allocation

Your Rs.2,000 monthly gold allocation is reasonable.

Gold can provide diversification.

It can also help during periods of equity market stress.

I would keep gold as a supporting allocation, not the main growth component.

» Should You Continue These Funds For Ten Years?

The investment horizon and withdrawal horizon are different.

You can continue investing for 10 years.

But if money is required from year 5, that portion needs separate planning.

Do not assume that every fund must be held unchanged for ten years.

Review the portfolio once every year.

Fund selection, allocation and your financial goals can change over time.

» How I Would Reshape It

I would keep the portfolio simpler.

– One strong diversified equity fund as the core.
– One mid-cap allocation for additional growth.
– Limited small-cap exposure.
– A modest gold allocation.
– Avoid unnecessary duplication.
– Replace the index allocation with a suitable actively managed category.
– Create a separate safer bucket for the five-year requirement.

You do not need many funds to build wealth.

» Your 10% SIP Increase

Please continue this habit.

It can become more important than selecting the perfect fund.

Whenever your salary increases:

– Increase SIPs first.
– Maintain your emergency fund.
– Increase investments towards your childs future.
– Avoid increasing lifestyle expenses at the same speed.

Your child is only 3 years old.

You have a very good time horizon for that goal.

» SWP Planning

Do not start SWP merely because five years are completed.

Start SWP when the money is actually required.

Before starting SWP:

– Identify the required monthly amount.
– Keep near-term withdrawals in safer assets.
– Keep long-term money invested for growth.
– Review the withdrawal rate every year.
– Rebalance when equity exposure becomes too high.

This approach can protect the portfolio from unnecessary selling during market falls.

» Regular Funds Through MFD

Since you are planning a long-term portfolio, consider investing through an AMFI-registered MFD.

Regular funds can provide ongoing portfolio support.

You also get help with reviews, rebalancing and goal planning.

Direct investing can work for disciplined investors who manage everything themselves.

But many investors change funds based on recent performance.

An MFD can help maintain discipline through market cycles.

» Final Insights

Your basic portfolio structure is good.

The main correction is your five-year SWP plan.

Do not keep the entire portfolio equity-oriented until the SWP starts.

Also review the index allocation.

I would prefer a simpler actively managed portfolio with clear roles.

Continue the 10% annual SIP increase.

Most importantly, separate your five-year requirement from your long-term wealth.

With 10+ years of disciplined investing, you have a strong opportunity to build meaningful wealth.

Best Regards,

K. Ramalingam, MBA, CFP,

AMFI-Registered MFD – ARN 4188

www.holisticinvestment.in

https://www.linkedin.com/in/ramalingamcfp/

...Read more

DISCLAIMER: The content of this post by the expert is the personal view of the rediffGURU. Investment in securities market are subject to market risks. Read all the related document carefully before investing. The securities quoted are for illustration only and are not recommendatory. Users are advised to pursue the information provided by the rediffGURU only as a source of information and as a point of reference and to rely on their own judgement when making a decision. RediffGURUS is an intermediary as per India's Information Technology Act.

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