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Anu Krishna1046 Answers  |Ask -

Relationships Expert, Mind Coach - Answered on Nov 01, 2022

Asked on - Nov 01, 2022Hindi

Good morning Anu ji
Hope you are doing well.
I am a working mother with two kids.
My son is 18 years old and my daughter is 11.
My office offered me to relocate to Malaysia and I opted for it.
I moved with my daughter to Malaysia. My husband and son are in India. This is mutually accepted by family.
The reason I chose this option was because the working environment in India office was very stressful with lots of corporate policies.
My daughter has a creative mindset. She had to struggle in studies due to Indian education system.
My son was in class 12 so I thought he will go to hostel for further studies.

But after moving to Malaysia things got changed. My daughter goes to an international school but the standard of education is very low though fees is very high as compared to India. My son got admission in Delhi, which is good.
Now, I'm confused if I should come back to India or stay in Malaysia with my daughter.
My husband is very co-operative and his office is very supportive that he can work from Malaysia.
Being a mother and a wife I am not able to manage this separation. But my husband wants me to grow in my career.
I know in future I will have to pay a lot for my daughter's study. For the same amount she can go to a good boarding school.
My son also needs my help but I want him to understand that life is not very easy, it is not for enjoyment.
I didn’t want to spoil him so I decided that he will live in PG and become independent.

I don't know if I am doing the right thing for my children.
If I move back to India my husband will not be happy because according to him, I'm getting too emotional.

I don't know what to do -- meet husband’s expectations or take the right step which is good for my family?
Pls help.


Dear NN,

Too much of confusion, mostly self-inflicted, if I may add.

You know why I say that, because there is not a mention in your letter/ email on: What is it that you want?

You have conveniently skirted it (the mind can trick you easily) and you are citing excuses to do what others want. What do you want?

Let’s out things into perspective:

1. You shifted for work and now you feel that your daughter’s education is getting impacted

2. You feel like coming back for her education, but you feel that your husband won’t be happy about it.

3. You know that your son might need you now, but then husband thinks you are emotional

It’s time the four of you as a family sat down and spoke rather than thinking and feeling.

Your children are practically adults and are capable of having a sane and conscious conversation that involves the family and their lives as well.

So there’s no more two way conversation between you parents causing more confusion.

Most families go round in circles without realising that who they are discussing about and making decisions on are not even involved in it actively.

In your case, it’s your children…involve them and let them express what they feel is right for them and what they want.

This can help clarify a lot in your mind and your husband also might be aligned to what comes through that 4-way conversation.

It will also bring all of you a while lot closer than before.

All the best!

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