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Is It Okay to Expect Financial Support From My Son Living in the US?

Prof Suvasish

Prof Suvasish Mukhopadhyay  |625 Answers  |Ask -

Career Counsellor - Answered on Jan 23, 2025

Professor Suvasish Mukhopadhyay, fondly known as ‘happiness guru’, is a mentor and author with 33 years of teaching experience.
He has guided and motivated graduate and postgraduate students in science and technology to choose the right course and excel in their careers.
Professor Suvasish has authored 47 books and counselled thousands of students and individuals about tackling challenges in their careers and relationships in his three-decade-long professional journey.... more
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Dear sir , I am writing to express some concerns and seek your advice regarding my son who is currently working in the USA after completing his Master's degree. While I am proud of his achievements, I find myself feeling a bit confused about my role as a father during this phase of his life. As he focuses on his career and plans for the future, I wonder if I should expect some support from him for our family's needs, especially considering the financial burden I have undertaken for his education, which amounts to about 1 crore. Additionally, I have responsibilities towards my 90+ year-old mother and my other son, who is also in need of educational support. My son seems to be making all his life decisions independently, including matters relating to his future marriage, without seeking our input. This leaves me feeling sidelined in his life choices. Can you please share your thoughts on how I should navigate this situation? Your guidance would be invaluable as I try to understand my place and expectations in this new dynamic. Thank you for your consideration. I look forward to your response.

Ans: First let me tell you, I am always with you. In this platform I can't share my phone no or email ID. But I will give you the ultimate solution. As a father you have done your full duty and I understand your situation. 90+ mother is there and along with her another son's complete responsibility is there. Regarding marriage and other things let him take his own decision, no issue. But during the critical hours he has to support you per month and the minimum amount what he should send is 1200 US Dollar ( nearly one lakh rupees). Straight away put this condition. This discaring attitude generates out of pampering and for 99% sons their typical Indian mothers are responsible. Put your condition with a tough tone. Be good for good and bad for bad. Now behave like a manager, not like a father. I don't know his branch. If he is in IT then he must be earning 9000-10000 US Dollar per month. So let him send 1200 USD per month. If he doesn't listen to you then for time being keep distance with him. You are the father, so you must have the personality so that he listens to you. Use this advice and follow me and in future please contact me whenever you face some difficulties. Regards. Professor.
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Archana

Archana Deshpande  |104 Answers  |Ask -

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Dear MAM , I am writing to express some concerns and seek your advice regarding my son who is currently working in the USA after completing his Master's degree. While I am proud of his achievements, I find myself feeling a bit confused about my role as a father during this phase of his life. As he focuses on his career and plans for the future, I wonder if I should expect some support from him for our family's needs, especially considering the financial burden I have undertaken for his education, which amounts to about 1 crore. Additionally, I have responsibilities towards my 90+ year-old mother and my other son, who is also in need of educational support. My son seems to be making all his life decisions independently, including matters relating to his future marriage, without seeking our input. This leaves me feeling sidelined in his life choices. Can you please share your thoughts on how I should navigate this situation? Your guidance would be invaluable as I try to understand my place and expectations in this new dynamic. Thank you for your consideration. I look forward to your response.
Ans: Dear Sir,

He is your son and your blood. You have brought him up ....your values and culture is in him. You have supported him wholeheartedly and you have always been there for him, I am sure he will be there for you too. Just sit down with your son and have a heart to heart talk with him, have the faith that you have brought up your son well, he will listen to your genuine concerns and help you out.

It is just that he is too eager to fly high, the education, the US culture, the freedom is a heady combination right now. Participate in his plans wholeheartedly and with full josh when he shares his plans with you. Don't come in his way, don't demand but ask him to help you out. Please remember that when your child stays away from you, the bonds require efforts to rebuild and make them strong again. Since he is no longer staying with you, he may not have the clear picture of what is happening in your lives here. So please " TALK " to him face to face.

You must be happy that your son has grown up enough to make his life decisions on his own, this is a good sign, he is no longer dependent on you, like you said just be proud of him and be supportive. Love him unconditionally. I know as a parent you feel left out..... what can you do, but to see your little one soar high, trust me I totally understand how you feel. You have given him the wings by funding his education, you can't demand he return the money or pay you back. What you can do is this... give him a proper picture of your financial condition, your younger son's aspirations, he is your eldest, elder children are always responsible, he will come to your rescue and help you out I am very sure of that. Let the language of love and togetherness between the son and father create the magic. Communicate with your child dear father, that's the key, that's the solution.

All the very best!!

..Read more

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