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Should I Choose IIT Kancheepuram ECE or CBIT CSE?

Mayank

Mayank Chandel  |1932 Answers  |Ask -

IIT-JEE, NEET-UG, SAT, CLAT, CA, CS Exam Expert - Answered on Jul 12, 2024

Mayank Chandel has over 18 years of experience coaching and training students for various exams like IIT-JEE, NEET-UG, SAT, CLAT, CA and CS.
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His interest in coaching students led him to launch the firm, CareerStreets.
Chandel holds an engineering degree in electronics from Nagpur University.... more
Vikas Question by Vikas on Jul 11, 2024Hindi
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Career

Iiit kancheepuram ece vs cbit cse

Ans: Hi Vikas
IIIT kancheepuram will be a better choice as per placements and fees. You can anyways move into IT field through ECE.
Career

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Ramalingam

Ramalingam Kalirajan  |7138 Answers  |Ask -

Mutual Funds, Financial Planning Expert - Answered on Nov 26, 2024

Money
Hi Experts, I seek your guidance on my mutual fund portfolio. Below are the details: Total Portfolio Details: - Total Invested Amount: ?15,76,159 - Current Value: ?19,35,234 - Total Returns: ?3,59,075 (+22.78%) - XIRR: 20.75% Monthly SIP Contribution: ?1,18,000 Breakdown of monthly SIP contributions across funds: 1. Parag Parikh Flexi Cap Fund Direct Growth – ?30,000 2. SBI Large & Midcap Fund Direct Plan Growth – ?15,000 3. SBI Magnum Mid Cap Fund Direct Plan Growth – ?20,000 4. Nippon India Large Cap Fund Direct Growth – ?30,000 5. Nippon India Small Cap Fund Direct Growth – ?7,500 6. ICICI Prudential Technology Direct Plan Growth – ?10,000 7. Quant Small Cap Fund Direct Plan Growth – ?7,500 8. HSBC Small Cap Fund Direct Growth – ?5,000 9. Edelweiss US Technology Equity Fund of Funds Direct Growth – ?5,000 Can you suggest if I am on track to create 5 CR corpus in 10 years Thank you!
Ans: Your portfolio and SIP contributions demonstrate disciplined financial planning. Let’s review your current status and provide actionable recommendations to stay on track.

1. Review of Your Current Portfolio Performance
Total invested amount: Rs 15,76,159.
Current portfolio value: Rs 19,35,234.
Total returns: Rs 3,59,075 (+22.78%).
XIRR of 20.75% reflects impressive performance so far.
Your portfolio is generating excellent returns. It aligns with long-term wealth creation goals.

2. Assessing Your Goal to Achieve Rs 5 Crore
You have a 10-year horizon to create Rs 5 crore.
A disciplined Rs 1,18,000 SIP contribution is a solid start.
Assuming consistent performance, you are on track to achieve your goal.
However, fund selection, market performance, and taxation can affect final corpus.

3. Diversification and Allocation Insights
Your portfolio includes diverse categories, such as large caps, mid caps, small caps, technology funds, and international exposure.

Strengths in Your Portfolio
Good mix of growth-oriented funds like flexi cap and small-cap categories.
Exposure to international markets provides diversification benefits.
High SIP allocation ensures consistent investment.
Areas of Concern
High allocation to small-cap funds may increase portfolio volatility.
Technology funds carry sector-specific risks, especially during downturns.
Overlap between funds can lead to redundancy and reduced efficiency.
4. Disadvantages of Direct Funds
Why Relying Solely on Direct Funds May Not Be Ideal
Direct funds require active tracking and market knowledge.
Lack of expert guidance may lead to suboptimal fund choices.
Regular funds through a Certified Financial Planner provide tailored advice.
Switching to regular plans ensures professional monitoring and better goal alignment.

5. Impact of Taxation on Your Portfolio
Equity Funds
Long-term capital gains (LTCG) above Rs 1.25 lakh are taxed at 12.5%.
Short-term capital gains (STCG) are taxed at 20%.
Debt-Oriented Funds
Gains are taxed as per your income slab.
Tax implications reduce the effective corpus if not planned wisely.

6. Recommendations to Strengthen Your Portfolio
Reduce Concentration in Small-Cap Funds
Small caps are high-risk and better suited for moderate allocation.
Shift a portion to balanced or large-cap funds for stability.
Limit Sector-Specific Exposure
Technology funds are subject to cyclical risks.
Rebalance to include broader thematic or diversified funds.
Consolidate Overlapping Funds
Too many funds increase complexity and overlap.
Streamline by reducing redundant schemes.
Focus on Active Fund Management
Actively managed funds tend to outperform in dynamic markets.
Certified Financial Planners can help optimise fund selection.
7. Strategy to Achieve Rs 5 Crore
Step 1: Increase SIP Gradually
Increase SIP contribution by 5–10% annually.
Align increases with salary hikes or bonuses.
Step 2: Stick to Asset Allocation
Maintain a balance between equity and debt based on risk tolerance.
Review allocation every 12–18 months.
Step 3: Reinvest for Compounding
Reinvest gains to maximise compounding benefits.
Avoid frequent withdrawals unless necessary.
Step 4: Regular Portfolio Review
Assess performance semi-annually or annually.
Adjust based on market conditions and goal progress.
8. Emergency Fund and Insurance Coverage
Maintain 6–12 months’ expenses as an emergency fund.
Ensure adequate health and life insurance coverage.
Avoid using mutual fund corpus for emergencies.
9. Long-Term Focus for Financial Independence
Stick to your SIP plan despite market fluctuations.
Focus on disciplined investing and goal alignment.
Seek professional advice to handle market uncertainties.
Final Insights
Your portfolio is well-structured and performing well. However, some adjustments can optimise returns and reduce risks. Focus on diversification, reduce overlapping funds, and seek guidance from a Certified Financial Planner. With discipline and regular reviews, you are well on track to achieve Rs 5 crore in 10 years.

Best Regards,

K. Ramalingam, MBA, CFP,

Chief Financial Planner,

www.holisticinvestment.in
https://www.youtube.com/@HolisticInvestment

...Read more

Ramalingam

Ramalingam Kalirajan  |7138 Answers  |Ask -

Mutual Funds, Financial Planning Expert - Answered on Nov 26, 2024

Money
I want some investment ideas for long term with tax deduction and monthly investment small
Ans: If you're looking to build wealth for the long term while also benefiting from tax deductions, there are several options available to you. Let's discuss a few investment vehicles that will allow you to meet your financial goals while making small, consistent monthly investments.

1. Public Provident Fund (PPF)
Tax Deduction: PPF contributions qualify for a tax deduction under Section 80C, up to Rs. 1.5 lakh per year.
Long-Term Growth: PPF is a government-backed, long-term investment with a maturity period of 15 years. It offers attractive, tax-free interest.
Investment Flexibility: You can invest as low as Rs. 500 per month, making it accessible for small monthly investments.
Risk-Free: Since PPF is backed by the Government of India, there is no risk of losing capital.
Tax Benefit: The interest earned and the maturity amount are exempt from tax under Section 10(10D).
Ideal for: Investors who prefer guaranteed returns and tax-free income.
2. National Pension Scheme (NPS)
Tax Deduction: Contributions to NPS qualify for a tax deduction under Section 80C (up to Rs. 1.5 lakh) and an additional deduction of Rs. 50,000 under Section 80CCD(1B).
Long-Term Growth: NPS is designed to build a retirement corpus. It invests in a mix of equity, corporate bonds, and government securities.
Investment Flexibility: You can start investing with just Rs. 500 per month.
Tax-Deferred Returns: The returns in NPS are tax-deferred, meaning taxes will be levied only upon withdrawal, depending on the applicable tax slab at the time of retirement.
Withdrawal Rules: Partial withdrawals are allowed for specific purposes like education or health needs, making it a flexible long-term option.
Ideal for: Investors looking for a retirement-focused plan with tax benefits and moderate to high returns.
3. Equity-Linked Savings Scheme (ELSS)
Tax Deduction: Contributions to ELSS are eligible for tax deduction under Section 80C, up to Rs. 1.5 lakh per year.
Long-Term Growth: ELSS funds invest primarily in equities and equity-related instruments, offering potentially higher returns over the long term.
Investment Flexibility: You can start an SIP with as low as Rs. 500 per month, making it affordable for small investors.
Tax Efficiency: ELSS has a lock-in period of 3 years, which is the shortest among all tax-saving instruments under Section 80C.
Capital Gains Tax: Long-term capital gains (LTCG) from ELSS are taxed at 10% (above Rs. 1 lakh).
Ideal for: Investors who are comfortable with the volatility of the stock market and want to maximise long-term wealth creation with tax savings.
4. Tax-Saving Fixed Deposits (FDs)
Tax Deduction: Tax-saving fixed deposits are eligible for deductions under Section 80C, with a lock-in period of 5 years.
Low Risk: This is a low-risk investment option that offers guaranteed returns.
Investment Flexibility: You can start with small investments, and many banks offer recurring deposit schemes where you can invest monthly.
Interest Taxability: The interest earned on tax-saving FDs is subject to tax, so it may not be ideal for high tax brackets.
Ideal for: Conservative investors who prefer guaranteed returns and tax savings but can accept moderate growth.
5. Sukanya Samriddhi Yojana (SSY)
Tax Deduction: Contributions to SSY are eligible for tax deduction under Section 80C, up to Rs. 1.5 lakh per year.
Long-Term Growth: This scheme is designed for the girl child and offers an attractive interest rate that is tax-free.
Investment Flexibility: You can invest as low as Rs. 250 per month, making it an affordable option.
Risk-Free: Being government-backed, SSY offers guaranteed returns with no risk to the principal.
Tax Benefit: The interest earned and the maturity amount are exempt from tax under Section 10(10D).
Ideal for: Parents or guardians looking to save for their daughter's future while enjoying tax deductions.
6. Employee Provident Fund (EPF)
Tax Deduction: Contributions to EPF are eligible for tax deduction under Section 80C, up to Rs. 1.5 lakh per year.
Long-Term Growth: EPF offers attractive interest rates, and the contributions accumulate over time for retirement purposes.
Investment Flexibility: EPF is mandatory for salaried employees, but voluntary contributions can be made beyond the mandatory portion.
Risk-Free: EPF is a government-backed scheme, offering guaranteed returns with zero risk.
Tax Benefit: Both the interest earned and the maturity amount are exempt from tax, making it an attractive option for long-term retirement savings.
Ideal for: Salaried individuals who want to save for retirement while enjoying tax benefits.
7. Unit Linked Insurance Plans (ULIPs)
Tax Deduction: ULIPs offer tax deductions under Section 80C for the premiums paid.
Investment and Insurance Combo: ULIPs provide both life insurance and investment, allowing you to build wealth while protecting your family.
Long-Term Growth: ULIPs invest in equity, debt, or balanced funds, giving you the opportunity to grow your money over the long term.
Lock-In Period: ULIPs have a lock-in period of 5 years, which ensures that your investments grow for a reasonable period.
Tax Benefit: The maturity proceeds from ULIPs are tax-free under Section 10(10D), provided the premium does not exceed 10% of the sum assured.
Ideal for: Investors seeking both insurance and investment benefits, but be mindful of charges and expenses.
8. National Savings Certificate (NSC)
Tax Deduction: Contributions to NSC qualify for tax deduction under Section 80C, up to Rs. 1.5 lakh per year.
Long-Term Growth: NSC offers guaranteed returns with a 5-year tenure and pays interest that is compounded annually.
Investment Flexibility: You can invest as little as Rs. 100 in NSC, which makes it affordable for everyone.
Tax Benefit: The interest on NSC is taxable, but you can claim a deduction for the interest earned during the investment period.
Ideal for: Conservative investors looking for guaranteed returns with tax savings and low risk.
Final Insights
For long-term investment with tax deduction and small monthly contributions, I recommend you consider a mix of the above options based on your risk appetite and financial goals.

Conservative Approach: PPF, Sukanya Samriddhi Yojana, NSC, EPF
Moderate to High-Risk Approach: ELSS, NPS, ULIPs
Combination: A mix of PPF for stability, ELSS for growth, and NPS for retirement planning is ideal.
By choosing a combination of these instruments, you can maximise your tax deductions and build wealth for the long term, all while keeping your monthly investment amounts manageable.

Best Regards,

K. Ramalingam, MBA, CFP,

Chief Financial Planner,

www.holisticinvestment.in
https://www.youtube.com/@HolisticInvestment

...Read more

Ramalingam

Ramalingam Kalirajan  |7138 Answers  |Ask -

Mutual Funds, Financial Planning Expert - Answered on Nov 26, 2024

Money
My salary is 29500 in hand, I have a OD Loan of Rs 9.4 lacs at 10% rate of interest. Want to close it with in next 5 years tell me how to plan for sip?
Ans: Your monthly salary of Rs. 29,500 in hand is a good starting point. However, having an outstanding Overdraft (OD) loan of Rs. 9.4 lakhs at 10% interest is a significant financial responsibility. It's important to manage this debt effectively while planning for future investments.

Prioritising Loan Repayment
Repaying your OD loan within the next five years is a reasonable goal. Given the 10% interest rate, prioritising this loan is crucial. The interest burden on an OD loan is often higher than potential returns from investments in mutual funds, so clearing this loan should be a top priority.

Establishing a Repayment Plan
1. Monthly Loan Repayment
Set aside a portion of your salary to pay off the loan each month.
Since the loan has an interest rate of 10%, it’s important to make regular payments to reduce both the principal and the interest.
Make a budget to allocate at least Rs. 18,000-20,000 per month to clear the loan faster. This will allow you to reduce your interest burden.
2. Additional Lump Sum Payments
If possible, try to make any lump-sum payments from savings or other sources of funds.
This can significantly reduce the principal, which in turn will lower the interest you pay over time.
Managing SIPs While Repaying the Loan
1. Initial Focus on Loan Repayment
In the first year, your primary focus should be on repaying the loan.
Avoid committing a large portion of your salary to SIPs in this initial period.
You can still start with a smaller SIP, say Rs. 5,000-7,000 per month, to gradually build your investment portfolio.
2. Gradual Increase in SIP Contributions
Once you pay off Rs. 3-4 lakhs of the loan (within 1-1.5 years), you can increase your SIP contributions.
You can scale up your SIP to Rs. 10,000-12,000, based on the reduction in your monthly loan repayment.
3. Balanced SIP Strategy
Diversify your SIP into actively managed equity funds.
Equity funds offer the potential for long-term capital appreciation, which will help you achieve financial goals after clearing the loan.
Keep your SIP in a mix of large-cap and mid-cap funds for growth and stability.
Structuring Your SIP Portfolio
1. Large-Cap Funds
Allocate a significant portion of your SIP to large-cap funds.
Large-cap funds are less volatile and offer stable returns over the long term.
Even though returns may be moderate compared to mid-cap or small-cap funds, they are ideal for investors with moderate risk tolerance.
2. Mid-Cap Funds
Mid-cap funds have higher growth potential.
Allocate a smaller portion to mid-cap funds, say 30%-40% of your SIP.
This will give you access to high growth opportunities while balancing risk.
3. Balanced Advantage Funds
Consider investing in balanced advantage funds.
These funds offer both equity and debt exposure, which helps manage market volatility.
They can provide an optimal mix of growth and risk mitigation.
4. Debt Funds
If you are risk-averse, you can also consider allocating a portion to debt funds.
Debt funds will provide stability in your portfolio.
However, avoid too much allocation to debt funds, as they have lower growth potential compared to equity funds.
Managing Expenses and Cash Flow
1. Budgeting Effectively
Stick to a strict monthly budget to manage both your loan repayments and SIPs.
Cut unnecessary expenses to ensure you have enough for both debt repayment and investments.
2. Emergency Fund
Set aside an emergency fund of at least 3-6 months of living expenses.
This ensures that you do not dip into your loan repayment or SIP amounts in case of an unexpected financial situation.
3. Avoid Accumulating More Debt
Avoid taking on additional debt while repaying the current loan.
This will help you stay focused on clearing the OD loan and building your wealth through SIPs.
Tax Considerations for SIP Investments
Equity Mutual Funds Taxation:
Long-term capital gains (LTCG) above Rs. 1.25 lakh will be taxed at 12.5%.
Short-term capital gains (STCG) are taxed at 20%.
Debt Mutual Funds Taxation:
Both LTCG and STCG are taxed based on your income tax slab.
These funds offer steady returns but are subject to higher taxation compared to equity funds.
Since you are planning to invest in equity funds, it’s important to factor in these taxes when making withdrawals. You can manage your withdrawals to stay below the Rs. 1.25 lakh threshold to minimise tax impact.

Final Insights
It’s great to see your commitment towards closing the OD loan and starting SIPs. The key to success is balancing both goals without compromising on your financial health.

Repay the loan first: Focus on reducing the loan principal by paying it off faster.
Start small SIPs: Begin with Rs. 5,000-7,000 SIPs and increase them as the loan decreases.
Diversify: Invest in a mix of large-cap, mid-cap, and balanced advantage funds.
Maintain a budget: Stick to a budget to balance loan repayment and SIP investments.
By staying consistent with both debt repayment and systematic investing, you will be on track to achieve financial security.

Best Regards,

K. Ramalingam, MBA, CFP,

Chief Financial Planner,

www.holisticinvestment.in
https://www.youtube.com/@HolisticInvestment

...Read more

Ramalingam

Ramalingam Kalirajan  |7138 Answers  |Ask -

Mutual Funds, Financial Planning Expert - Answered on Nov 26, 2024

Asked by Anonymous - Nov 25, 2024Hindi
Money
Hello Sir, I am 38 yrs old and I'm investing around 70K/month in the below funds. Kindly review my portfolio. Im planning to invest around 42L for 5yrs and stop Kindly review and advise. If my fund investment is correct Nippon multicap 16K JM flexi cap 16K Nippon small cap 6K Motilal Midcap 14K SBI Contra 10K HDFC balanced advantage 4K Nippon Large cap 4K
Ans: Your decision to invest Rs. 70,000 per month shows financial discipline and a clear focus on wealth creation. With a diversified portfolio spread across multicap, small-cap, midcap, contra, balanced advantage, and large-cap funds, your approach balances growth and stability. Let’s review the details:

Strengths in Your Portfolio
Multicap and Flexicap Funds: These funds provide flexibility to invest across all market capitalisations. They help capture growth opportunities while minimising risk.

Small-Cap and Midcap Exposure: Investing Rs. 20,000 (28.5%) in these categories offers high-growth potential. It is suitable for long-term wealth creation.

Balanced Advantage Fund: This allocation adds stability to your portfolio by balancing equity and debt exposure.

Contra Fund: Contrarian strategies can deliver good returns during market turnarounds.

Large-Cap Fund: Though Rs. 4,000 (5.7%) in large-cap may seem low, it provides a stable base for your portfolio.

Areas of Improvement
1. Overlapping Funds
Having multiple funds in similar categories (e.g., multicap and flexicap) may cause portfolio overlap.
This can reduce diversification and increase redundancy.
2. Underweight in Large-Cap
Large-cap funds offer stability during market corrections.
Your allocation of 5.7% is low for a balanced portfolio.
3. Balanced Advantage Fund Contribution
Rs. 4,000 (5.7%) in a balanced advantage fund is not substantial enough to impact portfolio stability.
4. Sectoral or Thematic Gaps
The portfolio lacks exposure to sectoral or thematic funds, which can enhance returns during specific market phases.
Recommendations for Optimising Your Portfolio
1. Increase Large-Cap Allocation
Allocate at least 10-15% of your monthly SIPs to large-cap funds.
This provides a strong foundation and reduces portfolio volatility.
2. Rationalise Fund Categories
Retain either the multicap or flexicap fund, as both serve similar purposes.
Consolidation can improve portfolio efficiency and reduce redundancy.
3. Optimise Small-Cap and Midcap Allocation
Limit small-cap and midcap exposure to 20-25% of your portfolio.
This balances growth potential with risk mitigation.
4. Increase Contribution to Balanced Advantage Fund
Increase the SIP in this fund to 10-15% of your portfolio.
This ensures better risk-adjusted returns during volatile markets.
5. Avoid Contra Overdependence
Keep the contra fund allocation to a maximum of 8-10%.
Monitor its performance regularly, as contrarian strategies may underperform in certain phases.
6. Consider International Funds
Include 5-10% exposure to international equity funds for geographical diversification.
This reduces dependence on the Indian market and provides global growth opportunities.
Tax Considerations for Your Plan
1. During the Investment Phase
Equity mutual funds are taxed at 12.5% LTCG for gains above Rs. 1.25 lakh annually.
Short-term capital gains (STCG) are taxed at 20%.
2. Post-Investment Phase
If you plan to withdraw systematically (SWP mode) after five years:
Withdrawals will attract LTCG or STCG based on the holding period of redeemed units.
Plan withdrawals strategically to minimise tax outflows.
Strategies for Your Rs. 42 Lakh Investment Over Five Years
Stick to SIPs: Continue with systematic investments to benefit from rupee cost averaging.
Rebalance Periodically: Review and rebalance your portfolio every 6-12 months.
Align with Goals: Ensure your investments match your risk tolerance and financial objectives.
Alternative Suggestions
1. Hybrid Funds
Consider hybrid funds that blend equity and debt for balanced growth and stability.
They are suitable if you seek moderate returns with reduced risk.
2. Systematic Transfer Plans (STPs)
Invest lump sums in liquid funds and transfer them systematically to equity funds.
This strategy reduces market timing risks.
3. Diversify Beyond Mutual Funds
Include options like gold ETFs, sovereign gold bonds, or government-backed schemes for better diversification.
Finally
Your portfolio is well-structured and shows a clear focus on long-term wealth creation.

Consolidate overlapping funds to improve efficiency.
Increase allocations to large-cap and balanced advantage funds for better stability.
Include geographical diversification through international funds.
Review your portfolio periodically and align it with your financial goals.
Work with a Certified Financial Planner to optimise fund selection and tailor a withdrawal strategy after five years.

Best Regards,

K. Ramalingam, MBA, CFP,

Chief Financial Planner,

www.holisticinvestment.in
https://www.youtube.com/@HolisticInvestment

...Read more

Ramalingam

Ramalingam Kalirajan  |7138 Answers  |Ask -

Mutual Funds, Financial Planning Expert - Answered on Nov 26, 2024

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Money
I have invested lupmsum 25L in motilal oswal defence index fund at 9.5 Rs. I am looking at long term 4-5 years..will it give good returns..right now it is down to 7.79 Rs.please.advice
Ans: Your lump sum investment of Rs 25 lakh shows financial commitment.

Index funds can be predictable but have limitations.

Current Situation
Your investment is now at Rs 7.79 per unit, below the Rs 9.5 purchase price.

The defence sector can be cyclical, influenced by government policies and global events.

Disadvantages of Index Funds
Limited Customisation
Index funds replicate the index. They cannot adapt to market changes actively.

A defence index fund may lack diversification as it focuses on one sector.

Missed Opportunities
Actively managed funds can seize growth in other sectors during market shifts.

Index funds may underperform during sector-specific downturns.

No Expert Intervention
Fund managers in actively managed funds rebalance portfolios.

This flexibility is absent in index funds, leading to potential stagnation.

Why Actively Managed Funds Are Better
Research-Driven Investments
Professional managers monitor economic, sectoral, and market trends.

They optimise portfolios for risk-adjusted returns.

Diversified Portfolios
Actively managed funds spread investments across sectors.

This reduces risks and captures growth in multiple industries.

Tax-Effective Withdrawals
With active funds, strategic withdrawals can help reduce tax liabilities.
Recommendations for Your Investment
Hold with Caution
Defence is a niche sector and can be volatile.

Keep a close eye on geopolitical trends and government spending.

Diversify Your Portfolio
Avoid over-reliance on one sector or investment type.

Add diversified equity and debt funds to balance risks and returns.

Consider Partial Reallocation
Shift part of your investment into actively managed funds.

This provides flexibility and reduces sector-specific risks.

Consult a Certified Financial Planner
Get a customised investment strategy based on your goals and risk appetite.

A certified planner can recommend better-performing funds.

Final Insights
Your long-term outlook is commendable but requires diversification.

Defence index funds can deliver, but only if market conditions favour the sector.

Actively managed funds could enhance your returns over time.

Build a balanced portfolio to achieve consistent growth.

Best Regards,

K. Ramalingam, MBA, CFP,

Chief Financial Planner,
www.holisticinvestment.in
https://www.youtube.com/@HolisticInvestment

...Read more

Ravi

Ravi Mittal  |437 Answers  |Ask -

Dating, Relationships Expert - Answered on Nov 26, 2024

Asked by Anonymous - Nov 21, 2024Hindi
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Relationship
Dear Expert, I am in a committed relationship with a divorced woman who has a 6-year-old daughter. We have known each other for six years and became deeply involved in relationship after her divorce, which was finalized a year ago. She is currently 23 years old and was married at the age of 14. She endured domestic harassment during her marriage, leading to a separation, and has been living apart from her ex-husband for the past four years before their legal divorce. Presently, she has no source of income and relies on her parents, who themselves face financial difficulties. Despite these challenges, we both wish to marry and build a life together. However, I am facing some concerns that I hope you can help me address: I am uncertain about how to approach my parents regarding our relationship, given her previous marriage, her young child, and her challenging circumstances. Her ex-husband is my colleague and is currently unaware of our relationship. I fear that he will react negatively, potentially tarnishing my and my family’s reputation among friends and relatives or even attempting to harass us in the future. I'm seeking your guidance on the following: 1. Is marrying her and embracing this responsibility a prudent decision, considering her past and the challenges we may face? 2. How can I effectively address her ex-husband's behavior and protect our relationship and my and family's reputation? 3. What strategies can I use to gain my parents' understanding, acceptance, and support? 4. How can we ensure a strong and healthy future together, considering the complexities of our situation?
Ans: Dear Anonymous,

Let me address your issues one by one
1. Is marrying her and embracing this responsibility a prudent decision, considering her past and the challenges we may face?
I can't tell if it is prudent but I don't see it to be a dangerous decision as well. Yes, I understand your concerns, but you have been with her for a long time now. You must have considered all of these concerns beforehand. But if you think you are not sure, I would suggest you don't keep her hanging with hope. Discuss the doubts and concerns directly with her.

2. How can I effectively address her ex-husband's behavior and protect our relationship and my and family's reputation?
Her previous marriage involved domestic harassment and that's how the relationship ended. You had no part in it. You came into the picture after their separation. Why should her husband have any say in her life after divorce? Be strict with him from the very beginning. As a part of courtesy, you can let him know that you are considering marrying his ex, but besides that, you owe him no explanation.

3. What strategies can I use to gain my parents' understanding, acceptance, and support?
Highlight the positives in your partner; let them know how happy she makes you and how much she means to you. Parents being unsupportive in such cases are very common, but with some persistent counseling from your end can make things work out in your favor.

4. How can we ensure a strong and healthy future together, considering the complexities of our situation?
The complexities of the situation don't necessarily have to play part in your future together. Let her move on from this past and if anything, you should help her move past this divorce and harassment instead of bringing that into the future. Yes, it is a part of who she is, but is so much more than just a divorcee and a very young mother; she is the person you fell for- there must be some solid reason for that. After all, you fell knowing all the complexities. That makes her even more special. All you have to do is remember those.

Hope this helps.

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Ravi

Ravi Mittal  |437 Answers  |Ask -

Dating, Relationships Expert - Answered on Nov 26, 2024

Asked by Anonymous - Nov 23, 2024Hindi
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Relationship
I (29M) have connected with a Prospective match (26F) through an Arranged Marriage Platform & we both seem to be getting along quite well, interacting regularly via WhatsApp, Phone Calls & even met personally, Twice in the span of a Month. She had been in a Long Term Relationship with her Boyfriend since College, for almost 7 years. They had to Break-up an Year ago as their Parents had not approved of their Marriage (due to Caste Factor). But they both are still in touch as "Just Friends". This is what makes me uncertain about whether I'd be able to Trust her or not. We both get along quite well with each other on almost all other aspects. She regularly interacts with her Ex Boyfriend & whenever I try to ask her anything about it, she shuts me down, calling me 'Insecure' & says that her Past Relationship & Present 'Friendship' with her Ex Boyfriend are solely her Personal Matter & she doesn't owe me any explanation about it, not even after we get Married (assuming that we did). But she also tries to reassure me saying that she has moved on from the Relationship & now their Friendship is just 'Platonic' not 'Romantic'. But I am not able to Trust her completely. Will it be a Reasonable demand, from my side, if I ask her to cut off all contacts with her Ex? Or shall I secretly approach her Ex, without her knowledge & strictly warn him to stay off his Ex Girlfriend as she's soon going to be another Man's Wife? Or else, how should I build Trust with her, in spite of her 'Friendship' with her Boyfriend? Is it even worth trying or shall I move on to find another Woman who is Virgin like myself?
Ans: Dear Anonymous,
I understand your concerns. But, trust is important in a relationship. If she says they are just friends, if your relationship is healthy, you should be able to trust her.

Having said that, I would suggest you take some time to think if you can get to the point where you can actually trust her without being bothered about this friendship, and not forcefully trust her. Demanding to end the friendship or approaching her ex is not the right way to deal with this situation. You two are not married yet; you still have the time to rethink.

I don't know whether you should move on to someone else, but I believe that you should take some time to rethink. You two are still matches and these problems are trivial now, but once you get married, things will get even more complicated. You can either sort the matter by having an open conversation where you explain how her relationship with her ex bothers you, or you can both consider parting ways. But please do not commit just yet, especially since there is an existing issue.

Best Wishes.

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