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Should I Quit My Job at 69 with Investments & Rental Income?

Nitin

Nitin Narkhede  |36 Answers  |Ask -

MF, PF Expert - Answered on Sep 24, 2024

Nitin Narkhede, founder of the Prosperity Lifestyle Hub, is a certified financial advisor with eight years of experience in helping clients design and implement comprehensive financial life plans.
As a mentor, Nitin has trained over 1,000 individuals, many of whom have seen remarkable financial transformations.
Nitin holds various certifications including the Association Of Mutual Funds in India (AMFI), the Insurance Regulatory and Development Authority and accreditations from several insurance and mutual fund aggregators.
He is a mechanical engineer from the J T Mahajan College, Jalgaon, with 34 years of experience of working with MNCs like Skoda Auto India, Volkswagen India and ThyssenKrupp Electrical Steel India.... more
ASHOK Question by ASHOK on Sep 21, 2024Hindi
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Career

I AM 69 YEARS OLD.STILL WORKING IN BANGLADESH.BUT NOW WISH TO QUIT JOB AND SETTLE DOWN .HAVE AN INVESTMENT OF 1.7 Cr IN MUTUAL FUNDS.HAVE 3 FLATS ONE COMMERCIAL PROPERTY THOSE WILL FETCH RENTAL OF 1 LAC PER MONTH.ALSO HAVE INVESTMENT IN GOLD AROUND 35 LAC AND HAVE FIXED DEPOSITS AROUND 15 LAC.INSURED FOR HEALTH ME AND SPOUSE UPTO 10 LAC.IS IT SAFE TO QUIT/my monthly expenses wont be more than 60k.both kids well settled.

Ans: You seem well-positioned to retire comfortably, with multiple income sources and enough savings to cover your expenses. It’s advisable to periodically review your mutual fund portfolio for stability and ensure that your health insurance is adequate. There are some Health insurances which add on insurance value every year for example 10 Lakh Health insurance will become 20L next year and 30 Lakh third year.
After spending 60K per month balance 40 K can be invested in Moderate MF to fetch 12 to 15 % return.

within my Prosperity Lifestyle Hub community we share such topics to get our financial challenges resolved.
Best regards,
Nitin Narkhede
Founder & MD, Prosperity Lifestyle Hub https://Nitinnarkhede.com
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Ramalingam

Ramalingam Kalirajan  |7072 Answers  |Ask -

Mutual Funds, Financial Planning Expert - Answered on May 23, 2024

Asked by Anonymous - May 16, 2024Hindi
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Money
I am 48 years old I am planning to quit. I have 3 lands worth 85 lakhs, FD 15 lakhs, PF 60 lakhs, MF 50, 3 houses.
Ans: Retirement Planning at 48 Years Old
Congratulations on your successful investments and planning for retirement. Let's delve into optimizing your assets and ensuring a comfortable retirement.

Assessing Your Assets
Real Estate
You have three lands and three houses, amounting to a substantial asset base of 85 lakhs. However, real estate can be illiquid and may require maintenance costs.

Fixed Deposits (FD) and Provident Fund (PF)
Your FD of 15 lakhs and PF of 60 lakhs provide stability and security. They are essential components of your retirement portfolio.

Mutual Funds (MF)
Investing in MF with 50 lakhs demonstrates a diversified approach to wealth accumulation. MF offers growth potential and flexibility.

Retirement Goals and Lifestyle
Lifestyle Expectations
Define your desired lifestyle post-retirement. Consider travel, hobbies, healthcare, and other expenses.

Retirement Age
Determine the age at which you plan to retire. This will impact your investment strategy and corpus requirements.

Creating a Retirement Investment Strategy
Asset Allocation
Diversification
Ensure a balanced allocation across asset classes: equities, debt, real estate, and liquid assets.

Real Estate Management
Optimize Returns
Evaluate the potential of your real estate assets. Consider rental income, property appreciation, and market trends.

Fixed Income Instruments
FD and PF Management
Review the interest rates and tax implications of your FD and PF. Explore options for higher-yielding fixed income instruments.

Mutual Funds
Equity and Debt Funds
Continue investing in MF for growth. Consider a mix of equity and debt funds based on your risk tolerance and investment horizon.

Risk Management
Insurance Coverage
Ensure adequate health and life insurance coverage for yourself and your family. This provides financial security during emergencies.

Emergency Fund
Maintain an emergency fund equivalent to 6-12 months of expenses. This provides liquidity and peace of mind.

Tax Planning
Tax-Efficient Investments
Optimize tax benefits through investments like ELSS (Equity-Linked Savings Scheme), tax-free bonds, and NPS (National Pension System).

Capital Gains Tax
Understand the tax implications of selling real estate or MF units. Plan strategically to minimize tax outflows.

Professional Guidance
Certified Financial Planner (CFP)
Consult a Certified Financial Planner to customize your retirement plan. They can provide personalized advice and strategies.

Retirement Transition
Phased Retirement
Consider a phased approach to retirement if you wish to gradually reduce work commitments. This can ease the financial transition.

Financial Review
Regularly review your investment portfolio and retirement plan. Adjustments may be needed based on changing financial goals or market conditions.

Conclusion
Your diversified asset portfolio lays a strong foundation for retirement. Focus on optimizing returns, managing risks, and aligning investments with your retirement goals. Seek professional guidance for a comprehensive retirement plan.

Best Regards,

K. Ramalingam, MBA, CFP,

Chief Financial Planner,

www.holisticinvestment.in

..Read more

Ramalingam

Ramalingam Kalirajan  |7072 Answers  |Ask -

Mutual Funds, Financial Planning Expert - Answered on Jun 13, 2024

Asked by Anonymous - Jun 12, 2024Hindi
Money
Hi sir, i have a land of 1.5 cr and no loans. Also I have my own house.My age is 38. I am working in IT, and due to heavy work pressure, I want to quit. Is it fine if i quit my job and can survive for next 30 years by investing land.. Thanks.
Ans: Understanding Your Current Financial Position
At 38 years old, you have a significant asset base. Owning a piece of land valued at Rs 1.5 crore and having no loans is commendable. Your own house further adds to your financial stability. Your achievements are noteworthy, and it's clear you've worked hard to build a secure foundation.

Evaluating the Decision to Quit Your Job
Quitting your job due to work pressure is a significant decision. It's important to assess whether your current assets and potential investments can sustain you for the next 30 years. Let's break down this decision into various factors that need consideration.

Assessing Your Monthly Expenses
First, calculate your monthly expenses. Include all essential costs like food, utilities, healthcare, insurance, and any dependents' needs. Understanding your monthly expenditure is crucial in determining if your investments can cover these costs for the next 30 years.

Estimating Future Inflation
Inflation impacts the purchasing power of your money over time. An average inflation rate of 5-6% per year can significantly increase your expenses over the years. Consider future inflation to ensure your investments can keep up with rising costs.

Potential Income from Land
Your land valued at Rs 1.5 crore is a substantial asset. However, it is essential to understand the potential income it can generate. Selling the land and investing the proceeds is one option. Alternatively, leasing it out could provide a regular income stream.

Investment Options for Long-Term Stability
Investing the proceeds from the sale of land requires a well-thought-out strategy. Given the long-term horizon, a mix of equity, mutual funds, and debt instruments can provide growth and stability. Let's explore these options in detail.

Advantages of Actively Managed Funds
Actively managed funds are a strong consideration for your investment strategy. Fund managers actively select securities to outperform the market. This can offer higher returns compared to passive options like index funds, which merely track a market index without active oversight.

Disadvantages of Index Funds
Index funds have limitations, as they do not adapt to market changes. They may underperform during market downturns. Actively managed funds can adjust their strategies based on market conditions, providing a more dynamic approach to investing.

Regular vs Direct Funds
Direct funds require significant market knowledge and time. Investing through a Mutual Fund Distributor (MFD) with Certified Financial Planner (CFP) credentials offers professional management. This guidance ensures your investments align with your financial goals.

Creating a Diversified Portfolio
Diversification reduces risk. A balanced portfolio includes equity for growth, debt instruments for stability, and some liquid assets for immediate needs. This approach ensures a steady income stream and capital preservation over time.

Importance of Liquidity
Maintaining liquidity is crucial. Keeping a portion of your investments in liquid funds or short-term instruments ensures you can access cash quickly. This prevents the need to liquidate long-term investments in emergencies.

Systematic Withdrawal Plans (SWPs)
Systematic Withdrawal Plans (SWPs) can provide regular income. By investing in mutual funds and setting up an SWP, you can withdraw a fixed amount periodically. This ensures a steady income stream while allowing the remaining investment to grow.

Health Insurance and Emergency Funds
Adequate health insurance is vital to cover medical expenses. Also, an emergency fund with at least six months' worth of expenses ensures you are prepared for unexpected costs. These safeguards protect your financial stability.

Tax Implications
Understand the tax implications of selling your land and other investments. Long-term capital gains tax applies to profits from the sale of land and equity investments held for more than a year. Consulting a tax advisor can help optimize your tax strategy.

Risk Management
Effective risk management is crucial for long-term financial security. Diversifying your investments, maintaining liquidity, and having an emergency fund are key components. Regularly reviewing your portfolio and adjusting based on market conditions helps manage risks.

Long-Term Perspective
Investing with a long-term perspective is essential. Equity investments, while volatile in the short term, tend to deliver higher returns over the long term. Patience and discipline are crucial in achieving long-term financial success.

Regular Monitoring and Review
Regularly monitoring your portfolio's performance is necessary. Setting up a system for monthly or quarterly reporting helps track progress towards your goals. This ensures transparency and accountability in your investment journey.

Leveraging Professional Advice
Consulting with a Certified Financial Planner provides valuable insights. Their expertise helps navigate complex financial decisions and optimize your investment strategy. Regular consultations ensure your financial plan remains on track.

Stress Management and Mental Wellbeing
Quitting your job due to work pressure highlights the need for stress management and mental wellbeing. Consider exploring ways to manage stress, such as taking a sabbatical, seeking professional help, or finding a less stressful job within your field.

Potential Alternative Income Sources
Exploring alternative income sources can provide additional financial security. Freelancing, consulting, or part-time work in your field can generate income while allowing for a better work-life balance. This reduces the pressure on your investments to cover all expenses.

Financial Independence and Early Retirement
Achieving financial independence and retiring early (FIRE) requires careful planning. Ensuring your investments can generate enough income to cover your expenses for 30 years is challenging but achievable with the right strategy. Regularly reassess your financial plan to adapt to changing circumstances.

Importance of Lifestyle Adjustments
Consider potential lifestyle adjustments to reduce expenses. Simple changes like cutting unnecessary costs and adopting a frugal lifestyle can significantly extend the longevity of your investments. Balancing enjoyment and financial prudence is key.

Family and Dependents
If you have family or dependents, their needs should be factored into your financial plan. Education, healthcare, and other expenses should be accounted for to ensure their well-being is not compromised.

Estate Planning
Estate planning is crucial for ensuring your assets are distributed according to your wishes. Creating a will, setting up trusts, and nominating beneficiaries for your investments are important steps. This provides peace of mind and clarity for your loved ones.

Final Insights
Quitting your job and relying on your land and investments to sustain you for 30 years is a significant decision. Assessing your monthly expenses, future inflation, and potential income from land is crucial. Investing the proceeds from the land sale in a diversified portfolio ensures growth and stability. Actively managed funds offer professional oversight and potential for higher returns. Maintaining liquidity, having adequate health insurance, and creating an emergency fund are essential. Consulting with a Certified Financial Planner and regularly reviewing your strategy will guide you towards achieving financial security.

Best Regards,

K. Ramalingam, MBA, CFP,

Chief Financial Planner,

www.holisticinvestment.in

..Read more

Milind

Milind Vadjikar  |665 Answers  |Ask -

Insurance, Stocks, MF, PF Expert - Answered on Oct 02, 2024

Asked by Anonymous - Oct 02, 2024Hindi
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Money
Hi, I manage to buy five house from where I get Study rental income of 1.2 lakh(net worth of the house is about 4cr). I deposited FD of 80 lakh on my wife's name thru which she gets steady income to pay rent of 30k, and school fee of the kids and house hold expenses. I don't have any loans but bought two more flats for which I may need to take loan for 1CR soon. I have about 50 lakhs in PF, 50 Lakhs in mutual funds, 10 lakhs in shares, 16 lakhs in gold investments. Since I don't have any monthly expenses as of now, all my salary 2L+ I am inviting in different assets in the market. I am 48 year old. Somehow still I am not getting conference to retire yet. I need your help to make me feel comfortable where I stand if I leave my job today. My house hold expenses are 50k. Kids already set for higher studies not more than 30 lakh. From two flats I am bought, I can cancel one flat and get only 50 lakh loan. Please help.
Ans: Hello;

I can see 2 factors that may force you to delay your retirement:

1. Kids higher education+ wedding expenses are underestimated.

2. So long as you have a loan, you need to have salary income to fund the EMIs.

Rental income may help to enhance your corpus or prepay the loan but shouldn't be substituted as source for loan repayment in my view.

If you don't take loan then I can say with some degree of comfort that you are retirement ready but more allocation for kids future expenses is a must(1 Cr+) and also the term insurance cover(1.5-2 Cr) for self and healthcare insurance for the family(Min 50L) are highly desirable.

Feel free to revert in case you have any queries.

Happy Investing!!

..Read more

Ramalingam

Ramalingam Kalirajan  |7072 Answers  |Ask -

Mutual Funds, Financial Planning Expert - Answered on Oct 22, 2024

Asked by Anonymous - Oct 22, 2024Hindi
Money
I am 42 ,me n my family has 8 cr in mf,5 cr property,1 cr in fd ,50 lacs gold , n i have health insurance ,my monthly expense of family is 3 lacs ,please suggest I am planning to quit my job..
Ans: Your financial situation is impressive. You’ve built a strong foundation across multiple asset classes. Here's a detailed review of your portfolio:

Rs 8 crores in mutual funds.
Rs 5 crores in property.
Rs 1 crore in fixed deposits.
Rs 50 lakhs in gold.
Health insurance is in place.
Family's monthly expenses are Rs 3 lakhs.
You are now considering quitting your job. Let's break down the critical factors and give you a clear picture of your financial future.

Monthly Expenses vs. Existing Assets
Your monthly family expenses are Rs 3 lakhs. This translates to Rs 36 lakhs annually. It's crucial to ensure that your investments generate enough returns to cover these expenses without depleting your capital.

The key focus should be on maintaining a steady cash flow to sustain your lifestyle.

While Rs 8 crores in mutual funds and Rs 1 crore in fixed deposits are solid, we need to evaluate their liquidity and returns.

You also need to consider inflation, which will increase your expenses every year.

Evaluating Your Mutual Fund Portfolio
You have Rs 8 crores invested in mutual funds. Let’s look at how this can be optimized for your long-term needs.

Active vs Passive Management: Actively managed mutual funds could offer better returns. Index funds, while low cost, tend to follow market trends. They might not always outperform actively managed funds. Given your goal of quitting your job, maximizing returns is crucial.

Direct vs Regular Funds: If you're investing directly, it could be more taxing for you to monitor the funds. Regular funds managed by a Certified Financial Planner (CFP) offer professional oversight. This ensures your portfolio stays aligned with market conditions and goals.

Debt Allocation: Ensure that a portion of your mutual funds is allocated to debt funds. This will reduce the volatility and provide a steady income. Equity-heavy portfolios can give good returns, but you also need stability, especially when planning to quit your job.

Real Estate: Liquidity and Considerations
Your property worth Rs 5 crores is valuable, but real estate is not very liquid. In case of an emergency, it might not provide quick cash.

Property investments are often illiquid and may not generate regular income unless rented. If there’s no rental income, you should not depend on it for cash flow needs.

While it contributes to your net worth, its direct impact on your monthly cash flow is limited.

Fixed Deposits: Security but Limited Growth
Rs 1 crore in fixed deposits offers stability. However, the returns from FDs are relatively low, especially when you consider inflation.

Interest Income: The interest from your FDs can contribute towards covering your monthly expenses. However, inflation could erode the purchasing power of this income over time.

Inflation Consideration: The average inflation rate in India is about 6-7%. FD returns often do not match up to this, meaning your real returns (after adjusting for inflation) could be negative.

Taxation: Interest earned from FDs is taxable as per your income slab, reducing your net returns. Keep this in mind while evaluating its contribution to your financial goals.

Gold as a Hedge
You have Rs 50 lakhs in gold, which is a great hedge against inflation and market volatility.

Role of Gold: Gold doesn’t generate regular income, but it acts as a store of value. It’s more of a wealth-preservation tool.

Liquidity: Gold can be easily liquidated during times of need, but it’s better to use it as a backup rather than a primary income source.

Health Insurance: Peace of Mind
You already have health insurance, which is excellent. Ensure it covers all major medical expenses and has sufficient coverage for the entire family.

Review Your Coverage: Reassess the sum insured regularly to ensure it matches the rising healthcare costs. Ensure you have family floater health insurance to cover every member.
Post-Retirement Strategy: Generating Regular Income
Quitting your job means you'll need a consistent income stream from your investments. Let’s see how you can plan for this:

Systematic Withdrawal Plan (SWP): A SWP from your mutual fund portfolio can generate a regular monthly income. This would be tax-efficient and can help meet your Rs 3 lakh monthly expenses.

Debt Fund Allocation: Debt mutual funds could provide stability. Returns are lower than equities but more predictable. They can be used for your regular monthly expenses.

Equity Allocation: Equity funds can still be a significant part of your portfolio. Over the long term, they will provide growth and protect against inflation.

Diversification: Ensure that your portfolio is diversified across asset classes—equities, debt, and gold—so that you’re not overly dependent on one type of asset for income.

Adjusting for Inflation
Inflation is one of the most significant risks to your financial security after quitting your job.

Higher Living Costs: Inflation could push your expenses from Rs 3 lakhs to Rs 6 lakhs in 15-20 years. It’s important to plan for this.

Growth-Oriented Investments: To counter inflation, ensure that a good portion of your investments is in growth assets like equity mutual funds. Over time, these should provide returns that outpace inflation.

Managing Taxes
Tax efficiency is crucial when you’re relying on investments for regular income.

Mutual Fund Taxation: Long-term capital gains (LTCG) on equity mutual funds above Rs 1.25 lakhs are taxed at 12.5%. Short-term capital gains (STCG) are taxed at 20%.

Debt Fund Taxation: Debt funds are taxed as per your income tax slab, so consider this while withdrawing.

Tax Planning: Work with a Certified Financial Planner to minimize your tax outgo and maximize your post-tax returns. It’s important to balance income generation with tax efficiency.

What Should You Do Next?
Here’s a step-by-step approach to help you transition smoothly when you quit your job:

Review Your Current Portfolio: Work with a CFP to review your existing mutual fund portfolio. Shift towards a mix of growth and income-generating funds.

Set Up a Systematic Withdrawal Plan (SWP): This will provide you with a steady monthly income from your mutual funds.

Build a Debt Mutual Fund Cushion: Allocate a portion of your portfolio towards debt funds to reduce volatility.

Ensure Tax Efficiency: Keep an eye on taxes, especially capital gains and interest income. Use tax-efficient strategies to protect your income.

Plan for Inflation: Ensure that a significant portion of your investments remains in growth-oriented assets to beat inflation in the long run.

Finally
Your decision to quit your job is supported by a solid financial base. However, managing your portfolio for regular income, tax efficiency, and inflation protection will be key to sustaining your lifestyle without stress. A clear strategy with professional guidance will ensure a smooth and secure transition into this new phase of life.

Best Regards,

K. Ramalingam, MBA, CFP,

Chief Financial Planner,

www.holisticinvestment.in
https://www.youtube.com/@HolisticInvestment

..Read more

Latest Questions
Ravi

Ravi Mittal  |428 Answers  |Ask -

Dating, Relationships Expert - Answered on Nov 21, 2024

Asked by Anonymous - Nov 15, 2024Hindi
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Relationship
I am a 25 year old girl. I have good job and happy career wise. I am in a relationship with a boy who is very career oriented, and runs from the marriage topic also. My parents are now behind to me to get married. I am also interested in getting married and settle in my. When I told my boyfriend about this. He gets furious. He don’t want to communicate with me on this. He don’t give any attention to my problem. He says if you really love me then you will love and you will do whatever needed to be done. Now everything is on me.I am very confused what to do. I can’t tell my parents about him, as he is not ready. I also have a fear, that this boy is not going to marry me, so am I leaving good boys which my parents are showing me. Am I already late...what if I don’t get anyone, will I have to compromise in my life If I will delay. Please help!!
Ans: Dear Anonymous,
Let me start with the most important thing- you are far from late. You are only 25; I would say this is your time to focus on your career and live a little. But if you are ready for marriage, then that is great too. But do not ever think that it's too late. It isn't even a little late. If anything, in today's day and age, it's early.

Now coming to your boyfriend- have you ever asked him if he has any plans to get married or if he intends to continue this relationship without ever committing to marriage? It's important that you discuss this. And his dialogue, "if you really love me then you will love and you will do whatever needed to be done" doesn't make any sense because you can tell him the same. I suggest you speak to him openly and let him know that you want to get married- if not right now, but somewhere down the line you want marriage. If his intentions are not the same, he should let you know so that you can move on and find someone who shares the same outlook as you. And, to be honest, not paying attention to your problems is concerning. In a relationship, two people should help each other out in times of trouble.

Please have the talk and reconsider the relationship according to how it goes.

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Ravi Mittal  |428 Answers  |Ask -

Dating, Relationships Expert - Answered on Nov 21, 2024

Ravi

Ravi Mittal  |428 Answers  |Ask -

Dating, Relationships Expert - Answered on Nov 21, 2024

Asked by Anonymous - Nov 21, 2024Hindi
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Relationship
I (27M) have recently started searching for prospects through Arranged Marriage Platforms. I got connected with a Lady (25F) & we seemed to be getting along quite well, through chatting & phone calls. When we were planning to meet in person, for our first Date, she picked a place which is one of the most expensive ones in our City & just a single Date over there may cost us around ?10 Thousand. Though, I am earning pretty well (?30Lakh/Annum), I am reluctant to spend so much amount on our First Date, whilst we are still in the process of getting to know each other. If I'd been Married to her, I'd be willing to spend that much for celebrating our Wedding Anniversary. But this is just our First Date & I am not even sure whether we'd be getting Married or not. The Date is scheduled for next Month & I'm still in Dilemma, whether I should request her to meet up at a more affordable venue or ask her to split the expenses, equally or proportionate to our Earning (She earns just around ?6 Lakh/Annum). I'm afraid that being so Straight-forward & upfront about Money Matters, at this stage, might give her a negative impression about me. She seems to be having a lot of Materialistic Expectations from me, as I earn much more than her & she has been hinting me about her expectations such as Expensive Gifts & Vacations abroad. Even though I am a person who's very cautious & disciplined with Money, I'd be glad to spend generously, for the happiness of my Life Partner, but not at this stage, when we haven't even committed to each other. Please suggest me, how can I handle this situation without coming off as too miserly? Moreover, I'm also planning to discuss some important matters, such as how we'd be handling our Finances in the Future. But I am worried, whether it would be appropriate to bring up this matter, in our very first personal meet-up? I'm afraid that she might Judge me as too Money-minded & I might lose out on a suitable match. Please Help me.
Ans: Dear Anonymous,
Your concerns are completely valid. Splurging, especially at this stage, is unnecessary. Good connections can be built anywhere; expensive places play no part in it. Also, being disciplined about money is the right approach.

I understand that you are worried about coming off miserly, but you are not. You are merely being responsible. You can suggest another more affordable place and see how she reacts. If she is okay with it, then great. If not, then you should rethink this match. You don't want to marry someone who is in it for the money. Now, coming to discussing how to split the finances, I would suggest you wait a bit. A first date might not be the right place for it. If all goes well, and you think this woman can be a suitable match, bring it up politely on the second or third date, to have clarity on it early on. For instance, you can casually start by giving an example of a friend who recently got married- something like, "Rohan's wife takes care of the groceries and stuff, while he pays off the bill." And then mention that you were wondering how you two should split it if you happen to get married. It is a reasonable question and should not show you off as money-minded. It's always best to discuss these important matters in the initial stages to avoid any conflict in the future.

Hope this helps!

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Ravi

Ravi Mittal  |428 Answers  |Ask -

Dating, Relationships Expert - Answered on Nov 21, 2024

Asked by Anonymous - Nov 20, 2024Hindi
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Ravi

Ravi Mittal  |428 Answers  |Ask -

Dating, Relationships Expert - Answered on Nov 21, 2024

Asked by Anonymous - Nov 20, 2024
Relationship
Hello, I am married for 4 years. And someone from my office loves me. He wants me to love him also even if I am married. That office colleague take too much efforts for me, he listens everything about me, he cares about me. But my husband only focused on his work. So I want love, that boy is the best for the love. But loving another man even if you have husband is cheating. I don't know but I feel that I want both of them and I am confused about it. I also love that man from my office. I am so much confused.
Ans: Dear Anonymous,
I understand that you are feeling undervalued by your husband but the "I want both of them" approach has never worked out well for anyone, especially in an exclusive relationship. You have a few options here-
You speak to your husband about how the lack of attention from him is affecting you and work on it with him.
Tell him openly about this man and let him know that there's a slight chance that you might develop feelings for him if your husband continues to pay all his focus on work and none on you. This could shake him up from his slumber and help him realize that he has not been fair to you.
Opt for separation- if you do not have an open marriage, you cannot have both of the men. It isn't moral to do this behind your partner's back.

I strongly suggest you consider doing the first option. Communicate your feelings of loneliness to your husband and seek help from a marriage counselor. It can do wonders for your relationship.

Best Wishes.

...Read more

Dr Shakeeb Ahmed

Dr Shakeeb Ahmed Khan  |126 Answers  |Ask -

Physiotherapist - Answered on Nov 21, 2024

Asked by Anonymous - Nov 19, 2024Hindi
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Health
Hello Dr.Shakeeb, I’m a 55 yrs male, had stents implanted in 2020 because of bad food habits and lack of regular movement, things have improved since then with better control on food habits. My problem is belly fat which is embarrassing and my weight is 77kgs, I was on knee braces for last 30 days bcoz of a slight ligament strain, so not able to do strenuous exercises. Pls suggest a workable regime for belly fat elimination considering my case history.
Ans: Hello Sir. Thank you for your query. Reducing belly fat requires a combination of calorie control, low-impact exercises, and lifestyle changes, tailored to your health history. Start by maintaining a slight calorie deficit of 200-300 kcal/day, focusing on a balanced diet rich in lean proteins, complex carbs, and healthy fats while avoiding sugary and processed foods. Drink 2-3 liters of water daily to stay hydrated. Engage in low-impact activities like brisk walking for 30-40 minutes daily, which is gentle on the knees and heart-friendly. Incorporate simple core-strengthening exercises such as pelvic tilts, seated knee lifts, and standing side bends to activate abdominal muscles without straining your knees. As your ligament strain heals, consult Physiotherapist about gradually increasing exercise intensity, including light resistance training. Prioritize 7-8 hours of quality sleep and manage stress through mindfulness to lower cortisol levels, which can contribute to belly fat. Small, frequent meals can keep your metabolism active, and tracking progress through waist measurements rather than just weight will help you stay motivated. These adjustments will promote gradual, sustainable fat loss while ensuring safety and heart health. I wish you healthy and active lifestyle.

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Anu

Anu Krishna  |1318 Answers  |Ask -

Relationships Expert, Mind Coach - Answered on Nov 21, 2024

Relationship
Dear Anu Krishna, I'm 48 married with 2 kids daughter in 10th and son in 5th. Wife works as a VP in a large firm. Since post COVID there has been almost no intimacy. I tried to talk to her and she says that I'm a sex maniac. I said once in six months at least she says not interested. She s fit in good health exercises and all tests are ok. Last year my friend's wife informed me about their private WhatsApp messages and I was shocked. We go on tours and trips and functions and everything externally is normal. I buy her gifts and we go out to restaurants etc. Everything except intimacy. I've tried to talk about 50 times but she doesn't want to talk not seek any help. Infact the signs of this started from 2016. She's 43 now. I m thinking of now seperating from her. Im really fed up. Nothing is working, and she's adamant. I've pulled on for kids but maybe I can be together for a few more years. I can't live with her forever. You generally ask people to get help and talk etc which is done and tried and yet no solution. Can you agree for once that there is a genuine case to not continue It's my life I know but I think I'm 100% right and that i have hit the end of the road. Inhold you in high regard hence writing to you Sameer
Ans: Dear Sachin,
Thank you for your kind and respectful acknowledgement of me.
Now,
You wrote:
Last year my friend's wife informed me about their private WhatsApp messages and I was shocked. - What was shocking? You have not shared this!

Lack of interest in sex can be due to:
- change in hormones
- boredom in the bedroom routine
- lack of intimacy outside the bedroom

Now, what I must agree on is something that we can keep aside, yeah? My job is to try and guide people to put things together of course, if that's what they want. You seem to have already believed that nothing can work; how can anyone guide you? When you claim that you nothing is working, I will still ask you, "How do you know that you have tried everything to know that nothing is working?"

Also, if you have decided to separate, what more can I suggest? You feel that you are 100% right, BUT you know what: If you actually were 100% right, you would not be here checking in with me...Just playing the mirror here for you.
I still would suggest that you work on your marriage; communicate and rebuild...it's a long path BUT the fruits of it can be amazing!

All the best!
Anu Krishna
Mind Coach|NLP Trainer|Author
Drop in: www.unfear.io
Reach me: Facebook: anukrish07/ AND LinkedIn: anukrishna-joyofserving/

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Anu

Anu Krishna  |1318 Answers  |Ask -

Relationships Expert, Mind Coach - Answered on Nov 21, 2024

Asked by Anonymous - Nov 18, 2024Hindi
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Relationship
Hi , I am married 2.5 years ago to a man , who is very less in education compared to me , this marriage was done as a compromise or in worries about my future as my parents are no more .. He and his family is average in all case ..cleanliness, hygeiene , social relations, religious practices , education , self respect , financial well being ... all these things are either meaningless for them or they vary poor in those . Nor even they have moral values , as they have cheated me by hiding my husband's age to me . I told them that we strongly believe in astrology and will not go without it . Still they gave me wrong information about his age and he is very elder to me .As I am well educated , employed and self dependant. So they somehow trapped me for marriage. After 3-4 months of marriage my husband was diagnosed (a type of oral cancer) caused due to consuming gutkha and ciggarettes. He lied and denied to have any disease still i started his medication . In some time I lost my job also still continued his treatment , tried to help him in his business , it made a big impact on my sqving too :( But because of his careless business practice , it didnt work for him. Also I paid many times his car's EMI . And supported in all types of expenses be it house hold , his medication or business . He has parental properties in village but they are hardly using it for their own use and wanted to use my money till now . As I now denied to give more money , now they have started looking to sell or rent / lease their property for their use . I have spent lot of money on them , I hardly believe they will try to pay it out fully to me or give some part of property for my safe future now :( I am now 43 and have no children . At other hand my brother is also alone( even being his wife and 2 sons) Wife is quarrelsome and has a history of false case of dowry on my brother and due to this my brother and my family sufferered a lot , its been 20 years now . But this has tortured my brother me and my mother a lot in past .Sis-in-law never let my nephews to stay or sit for some time with us (me or my mother ). And now as my both nephews have grown up my sis-in-law told them lie as if she was victim and , we were the culprit . Children were innocent , they didnt knew the fact , hence taking mother's side now. I thought that as my sis-in-law doesn't like us so unwillingly I decided to marry with a compromise , thinking that after my marriage all will be fine in brother's home , But nothing improved. And now my brother , after my marriage is emotionally alone at home , I feel very sorry about this . I want to go back and take care of my brother , as now he is 53 and emotionally very weak , diabetic and suffering other disease too . Sis-in-law is least interested in his health , care .. so as her children. Going back to parental (it is my father's home, so i also have legal right on that property )home and leaving husband is not so easy, .. Elder Nephew and sis-in-law can become very violent as they are always . I dont want to endanger my brother's health and if I dont go then also .. brother is taking care of him alone ..that too very casually ..how can i make all things correct . Please suggest .
Ans: Dear Anonymous,
Hello! Excuse me...
Take care of yourself first before trying to save someone else.
Your brother is a grown man and knows what is to be done. Allow him to process his life's situations. By stepping into it especially in your state of mind will make things worse. Also, if you want guidance on this, kindly post another question else it will get confusing for all of us here.

First think of what you must do to make things better for yourself. Ask yourself whether you are interested in continuing the marriage. A lot of your time, money and energy has been invested in it and based on a lie. You have no clue what else they have lied about...do you want a marriage that is standing on a bed of lies? is it possible for you to trust your husband and his family all over again? What can they do so that you place trust in them again?

If this is not possible, the you are in a place where you need to make decisions about your marriage and your life in general.

All the best!
Anu Krishna
Mind Coach|NLP Trainer|Author
Drop in: www.unfear.io
Reach me: Facebook: anukrish07/ AND LinkedIn: anukrishna-joyofserving/

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Anu

Anu Krishna  |1318 Answers  |Ask -

Relationships Expert, Mind Coach - Answered on Nov 21, 2024

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Relationship
Hi Anu, Im 27yrs old. I have been married for 1.5 yrs. Me and my husband live abroad. I grew up abroad for a great deal of my life and all members of my family are post graduate degree holders from renowned universities. Recently my mother-in-law came to visit us, she is staying for 6 months. My husband prior to marriage said that his mother is educated when I asked him. Post marriage I found out she studied only till 10th and married my father-in-law who is deceased. Since her arrival, my mother-in-law’s behaviour has been very weird. 1. She once told me that in their caste Kshatriyas ( we had an inter-caste marriage) its very common for the men to have 2 wives and mistresses. This was said totally out if context. Couple of days later she mentioned that her husband had a mistress. 2. She asks me questions about why things are the way they are and why are they like that. I find it very difficult to answer to her questions at the same time I don’t want to sound condescending. 3. She complained to my mother that my husband and I are using up too much ghee and oil. She blames that I made her son fat. My husband likes to have everything deep fried when I don’t do as he asks he throws a fit like a child and refuses to eat. Now I realised why, she deep fries almost everything, bhindi, potato, gobi, arvi, and even brinjal. 4. She also mentions that some relative of their was going to give then 2kg gold dowry to marry her son. I asked her why didn’t she accept it then. They she covered up saying that our engagement was already done by then. Again recently, she was talking to her sister on the phone and was saying that a girl is really beautiful and she was considering her for my husband but he liked me. All while I was literally in front of her. 5. She tries to take over the kitchen, she wants to wash dishes by hand and there is food residue all over. She doesn't want me to use the dishwasher. When I pointedly out that there is residue all dried up on the mixer blade, she covered it up saying that its powder. 6. I asked her not to put oil or ghee on the roti pan when making rotis as its ruining the pan and to ghee after the roti is cooked. She still went ahead and melted butter and poured it on the pan and made rotis. She said that they are not puffing up without the oil. I tried it out myself and I discovered that she lied. Dishonesty is my biggest peeve. I have no respect for her now. I don’t understand why she behaves the way she does. She also expects me to listen to all her stories and express interest in her superstitions. She on the other hand shows total disregard to what I say. My parents want me to be nice to her as she is a widow and has only her son and daughter. She is not nice to her daughter. My sister in law does not want to live with her in laws and my mother-in-laws laughs when she calls her crying. I have witnessed her gas lighting her daughter on many occasions. Once my husband asked her is the sister can come stay at home with her back in India and my mother-in-law said that she does not want her daughter in the house because she is a burden. My mother in law also keeps telling me that I should press her son’s legs as it will give Lakshmi. Once he took food from my plate I told him to put it back and get his own, she said its a Maha paap to snatch from husband’s mouth. She uses this Mahapaap whenever I ask my husband to help around the house. I don’t know how to communicate this with my husband and how to deal with her. He believes he needs to provide everything his mom wants and give her the world because she went thru difficulties after their dad’s passing. However my mother in law believes her life got better after her husband’s passing. She says that her husband was abusive to her physically, emotionally and financially. What do I do?
Ans: Dear DD,
Some space is necessary to be away from people who display less empathy. It keeps the relationship healthier.
You will usually find me guiding people towards one another first BUT at times maintaining a healthy distance can save relationships. Your mother-in-law can become the cause for stress within your marriage as you will have no one to take your complaints to other than your husband. He is obviously not going to take it that easily...
Also the fact that your mother-in-law herself hasn't held a steady marriage is going to be a constant source of more stresses as she is very likely to expect special treatment from her son and you.
She needs to work on her mind and that's too much to expect of her. It's wise to keep some distance and over time, she may wish to re-build relationships with everyone and live in harmony.

All the best!
Anu Krishna
Mind Coach|NLP Trainer|Author
Drop in: www.unfear.io
Reach me: Facebook: anukrish07/ AND LinkedIn: anukrishna-joyofserving/

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Anu

Anu Krishna  |1318 Answers  |Ask -

Relationships Expert, Mind Coach - Answered on Nov 21, 2024

Asked by Anonymous - Nov 18, 2024Hindi
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Relationship
My mother (42 years old) came in relationship with a neighbour guy suddenly before few months. This neighbour guy is just 5 years elder than me & 20 years younger than my mother, but whenever this neighbour guy touch my mother, she feels too uncomfortable. My father knows about it, but he is not saying anything to my mother to stop all these nonsense. Why don't my mother break-up with him if she feels uncomfortable ?? What was the need of being in relationship with a person who is 20 years younger than her ?? Why is my father allowing this ?? Is there any problem ?? My father loves my mother a lot & she knows about it, then what's wrong here ?? My mother asked me to not to interfere in this when I asked these questions to her.
Ans: Dear Anonymous,
It must be difficult for you swallow this fact that your parents' marriage is not picture perfect. Most things in life are not the way they seem to be. You are young and slowly this truth will sink in...
Until then, it's better to stay away from your parents' marriage. They are adults and know what must be done. If they have some sort of understanding between them, that's solely their business.
Yes, this bothers you...then request them to just hear you out; they may not explain anything to you...but at least you will feel heard out! You can share your insecurities with them...
Talk to a school counselor or someone who you can trust; that way you are not holding things within...Life ain't simple; but we can simplify it to a certain extent.

All the best!
Anu Krishna
Mind Coach|NLP Trainer|Author
Drop in: www.unfear.io
Reach me: Facebook: anukrish07/ AND LinkedIn: anukrishna-joyofserving/

...Read more

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