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Milind

Milind Vadjikar  |666 Answers  |Ask -

Insurance, Stocks, MF, PF Expert - Answered on Oct 02, 2024

Milind Vadjikar is an independent MF distributor registered with Association of Mutual Funds in India (AMFI) and a retirement financial planning advisor registered with Pension Fund Regulatory and Development Authority (PFRDA).
He has a mechanical engineering degree from Government Engineering College, Sambhajinagar, and an MBA in international business from the Symbiosis Institute of Business Management, Pune.
With over 16 years of experience in stock investments, and over six year experience in investment guidance and support, he believes that balanced asset allocation and goal-focused disciplined investing is the key to achieving investor goals.... more
Asked by Anonymous - Oct 02, 2024Hindi
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Money

Hi, I manage to buy five house from where I get Study rental income of 1.2 lakh(net worth of the house is about 4cr). I deposited FD of 80 lakh on my wife's name thru which she gets steady income to pay rent of 30k, and school fee of the kids and house hold expenses. I don't have any loans but bought two more flats for which I may need to take loan for 1CR soon. I have about 50 lakhs in PF, 50 Lakhs in mutual funds, 10 lakhs in shares, 16 lakhs in gold investments. Since I don't have any monthly expenses as of now, all my salary 2L+ I am inviting in different assets in the market. I am 48 year old. Somehow still I am not getting conference to retire yet. I need your help to make me feel comfortable where I stand if I leave my job today. My house hold expenses are 50k. Kids already set for higher studies not more than 30 lakh. From two flats I am bought, I can cancel one flat and get only 50 lakh loan. Please help.

Ans: Hello;

I can see 2 factors that may force you to delay your retirement:

1. Kids higher education+ wedding expenses are underestimated.

2. So long as you have a loan, you need to have salary income to fund the EMIs.

Rental income may help to enhance your corpus or prepay the loan but shouldn't be substituted as source for loan repayment in my view.

If you don't take loan then I can say with some degree of comfort that you are retirement ready but more allocation for kids future expenses is a must(1 Cr+) and also the term insurance cover(1.5-2 Cr) for self and healthcare insurance for the family(Min 50L) are highly desirable.

Feel free to revert in case you have any queries.

Happy Investing!!
Asked on - Oct 12, 2024 | Answered on Oct 12, 2024
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Thankyou for your response. I am planning to send kids to Germany for higher studies after 12th hence, less higher study expenses as education is free there. Both kids are boys so I will let them handle their marriage when they settle in ther job/ business. I am not planning to take any burden on me for that. Loan for one flat I think I can pay back if work for one more year with my salary. What do you think?
Ans: Hello;

If the kids educational expenses are covered and you are ready to work for extra year/s till the loan for one flat is fully settled then this looks Okay.

My best wishes!!
Asked on - Oct 12, 2024 | Answered on Oct 12, 2024
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Great thank you
Ans: You are most welcome!!
DISCLAIMER: The content of this post by the expert is the personal view of the rediffGURU. Users are advised to pursue the information provided by the rediffGURU only as a source of information to be as a point of reference and to rely on their own judgement when making a decision.
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Ramalingam

Ramalingam Kalirajan  |7072 Answers  |Ask -

Mutual Funds, Financial Planning Expert - Answered on Jun 11, 2024

Asked by Anonymous - Jun 07, 2024Hindi
Money
Hi I am 37 year old and wife is 33 yr old with a total earning of 4 lakh/month. We have a housing loan of 1.8cr, MF worth 10 lakh , PPF - 12 lakh , Life insurance - 20 lakh. Every yr we invest 1 lakh on MF , LIC & Insurance. We have 5 yr old daughter. Planning to retire at 55 with net worth of 10Cr & 1.5Cr for child education.
Ans: Comprehensive Financial Plan for Retirement and Child's Education
Understanding Your Current Financial Situation
You are 37 years old, and your wife is 33. Together, you have a monthly income of Rs 4 lakh. You have a housing loan of Rs 1.8 crore, mutual funds worth Rs 10 lakh, a PPF of Rs 12 lakh, and life insurance cover of Rs 20 lakh. Annually, you invest Rs 1 lakh in mutual funds, LIC, and insurance. You have a five-year-old daughter and plan to retire at 55 with a net worth of Rs 10 crore and Rs 1.5 crore for your daughter's education.

Setting Clear Financial Goals
Retirement Goal
You aim to retire at 55 with a net worth of Rs 10 crore. Considering an inflation rate of 6%, this corpus should be sufficient to support a comfortable lifestyle post-retirement.

Child's Education Goal
You need Rs 1.5 crore for your daughter's higher education. With education costs rising, starting early ensures you achieve this goal without financial strain.

Evaluating Current Investments
Mutual Funds
Your mutual fund portfolio is Rs 10 lakh, with an annual investment of Rs 1 lakh. Mutual funds are crucial for long-term growth due to their compounding benefits.

Public Provident Fund (PPF)
Your PPF balance is Rs 12 lakh. PPF offers safe, tax-free returns and should continue to be part of your portfolio.

Life Insurance
Your life insurance cover is Rs 20 lakh. Ensure this is adequate to cover any unforeseen events. Term insurance may provide higher coverage at lower premiums.

Analyzing Your Housing Loan
You have a substantial housing loan of Rs 1.8 crore. This loan represents a significant financial commitment. Ensure you manage this loan efficiently to avoid financial strain.

Current loan: Rs 1.8 crore
EMI: Calculate based on the interest rate and tenure to manage monthly cash flow effectively.
Enhancing Your Investment Strategy
Increasing Mutual Fund Investments
Mutual funds should form a significant part of your investment strategy due to their potential for high returns. Increase your annual SIP investments to Rs 5 lakh to build a substantial corpus.

Diversified Portfolio
Equity Mutual Funds: High growth potential; allocate 60% of your mutual fund investments here.
Debt Mutual Funds: Lower risk; allocate 20% for stability.
Hybrid Funds: Combine equity and debt; allocate 20% for balanced growth.
Systematic Investment Plans (SIPs)
Increase your SIPs to ensure a disciplined investment approach. A monthly SIP of Rs 40,000 can grow substantially over time.

Calculating Future Value of SIPs
Assuming a 12% annual return, a monthly SIP of Rs 40,000 over 18 years can accumulate a significant amount. Use an SIP calculator for precise future value calculations.

Disadvantages of Index Funds and Direct Funds
Index funds replicate market performance and may lack the potential for higher returns offered by actively managed funds. Direct funds require significant knowledge and time, which may not be suitable for everyone. Investing through a mutual fund distributor ensures professional management.

Utilizing Tax Benefits
Tax-saving Investments
Maximize contributions to tax-saving instruments like PPF, ELSS funds, and NPS. These provide tax deductions under Section 80C and additional benefits under Section 80CCD for NPS.

Efficient Tax Management
Review your investments for tax efficiency. Long-term capital gains on equities are taxed at 10% beyond Rs 1 lakh. Mutual funds provide tax-efficient growth compared to traditional savings.

Insurance Coverage
Adequate Life Insurance
Ensure you have adequate life insurance coverage. A term insurance plan provides high coverage at a low premium, securing your family's financial future.

Comprehensive Health Insurance
With a family of three, having comprehensive health insurance is crucial. Ensure your policy covers all family members and has a high sum insured to protect your savings from medical emergencies.

Planning for Child's Education
Child Education Fund
Start a dedicated education fund for your daughter. Invest in child-specific mutual funds or education plans that offer long-term growth. Starting early ensures a substantial corpus for her higher education.

Emergency Fund
Building a Safety Net
Maintain an emergency fund covering at least six months of expenses. This fund protects against unexpected financial challenges. Consider keeping this amount in a high-yield savings account or liquid mutual funds for easy access.

Managing Your Housing Loan
Efficient Loan Repayment
Consider prepaying your housing loan when possible to reduce the interest burden. Evaluate if refinancing options offer lower interest rates, helping manage EMIs effectively.

Retirement Planning
Creating a Retirement Account
Consider opening a retirement-specific account like the National Pension System (NPS). NPS offers tax benefits and helps build a retirement corpus with professional management. Invest regularly in this account for long-term growth.

Pension Plans
Explore pension plans that provide regular income post-retirement. These plans ensure a steady flow of income and financial security during retirement.

Building a Sustainable Retirement Corpus
Calculating Future Value
Using the earlier example, let’s calculate the future value of your current investments.

PPF: Rs 12 lakh + annual investments for 18 years at 7% = significant growth
Mutual Funds: Rs 10 lakh + Rs 40,000 monthly SIP for 18 years at 12% = substantial corpus
Equity Shares: Assuming 10% annual growth
Total estimated corpus needs to be regularly reviewed and adjusted based on market conditions and personal circumstances.

Regular Review and Rebalancing
Regularly review your investment portfolio. Market conditions and personal circumstances change over time. Rebalancing ensures your portfolio stays aligned with your goals.

Professional Guidance
Consult a Certified Financial Planner (CFP) for personalized advice. A CFP can help create a comprehensive financial plan tailored to your goals. They offer professional insights and strategies to achieve your retirement and education objectives.

Final Insights
Achieving your retirement goal of Rs 10 crore and Rs 1.5 crore for your daughter's education requires disciplined saving and investing. Regularly review and adjust your financial plan. Focus on long-term growth and tax efficiency. With careful planning, you can retire at 55 with financial security and peace of mind.

Best Regards,

K. Ramalingam, MBA, CFP,

Chief Financial Planner,

www.holisticinvestment.in

..Read more

Ramalingam

Ramalingam Kalirajan  |7072 Answers  |Ask -

Mutual Funds, Financial Planning Expert - Answered on Jun 30, 2024

Money
Good evening sir Ashok here I am 48 with two kids one 15 yrs and other 1.5 yrs. Doing business but I would like to retire. I have fd of 4.3 cr which quaternary pay out and I invested in form of fd in my account and 4 sisters of around 4 cr in which I'm the joint account holder and all the account are handled by be mutual fund around 50 lk Shares around 1cr in different account Real estate investment around 5cr which is fetching 80 k rent per month loan of around 50k.good running business but still I am some were not satisfied in life please suggest I
Ans: Hello Ashok,

I understand you’re feeling some dissatisfaction despite your successful business and sound investments. Let's assess your financial situation and develop a strategy to secure a fulfilling and comfortable retirement. I'll guide you step-by-step, considering all aspects of your financial portfolio.

Current Financial Landscape
You have various investments and assets that provide a strong financial foundation. Here's a summary:

Fixed Deposits: Rs 4.3 crore in your name, with quarterly payouts.
Joint Fixed Deposits: Rs 4 crore with your sisters.
Mutual Funds: Rs 50 lakh.
Shares: Rs 1 crore.
Real Estate: Rs 5 crore, generating Rs 80,000 in monthly rent.
Loan: Rs 50,000.
Assessing Financial Goals
First, let’s identify your key financial goals and priorities:

Retirement Security: Ensure a steady income stream.
Children’s Future: Secure funds for education and other needs.
Health and Lifestyle: Maintain a good quality of life.
Financial Freedom: Free from business stress and active management.

You’ve done an excellent job building a diversified portfolio. Your investments in real estate, shares, mutual funds, and fixed deposits are commendable. Managing such a broad spectrum of assets shows your financial acumen and dedication.


I understand your desire to retire and the dissatisfaction you might be feeling. It’s normal to seek more peace and fulfillment, especially after years of hard work. Let’s work towards creating a plan that not only secures your financial future but also brings you peace of mind and satisfaction.

Income Streams and Retirement Planning
Your current income streams include:

Fixed Deposits: Regular interest payouts.
Real Estate: Rental income.
Business: Profits from your business.
To ensure a steady and reliable income during retirement, consider these steps:

1. Optimize Fixed Deposits
Reevaluate the interest rates on your fixed deposits. Ensure you’re getting the best possible rates. Since interest rates can vary, consider reinvesting in higher-yield fixed deposits when possible.

2. Mutual Fund Investments
With Rs 50 lakh in mutual funds, it’s crucial to review your portfolio. Actively managed funds often outperform index funds due to professional management. A Certified Financial Planner (CFP) can help you optimize your mutual fund investments.

Advantages of Actively Managed Funds:

Professional management and expertise.
Potential for higher returns.
Better risk management.
3. Shares and Equity Investments
Your Rs 1 crore in shares should be regularly reviewed and rebalanced. Consider consulting a CFP for insights into which stocks to hold, sell, or buy. Diversifying across different sectors can mitigate risks and enhance returns.

4. Rental Income from Real Estate
Your real estate investments provide a steady rental income of Rs 80,000 per month. Ensure you have a robust property management plan in place to maintain this income stream. Regularly review rental agreements and property maintenance to avoid any disruptions in income.

Debt Management
You have a loan of Rs 50,000, which is relatively small. Ensure timely repayments to maintain a good credit score. Avoid taking on additional debt as you approach retirement to keep financial stress at bay.

Children's Future Planning
With two children, aged 15 and 1.5 years, securing their future is paramount. Here’s how you can plan for their education and other needs:

1. Education Fund
Start by estimating the future costs of education for both children. Consider inflation and rising education costs. Investing in dedicated education savings plans or mutual funds can help you accumulate the necessary corpus over time.

2. Insurance and Protection
Ensure you have adequate life and health insurance coverage. This will safeguard your family’s financial future in case of unforeseen circumstances. Review your existing policies and make necessary adjustments.

Health and Lifestyle Considerations
A good quality of life during retirement is essential. Consider the following aspects:

1. Health Insurance
Ensure you have comprehensive health insurance coverage. Medical expenses can be a significant burden during retirement. A good health insurance policy will cover major medical expenses, reducing financial stress.

2. Lifestyle Planning
Think about how you want to spend your retirement years. Whether it's traveling, hobbies, or spending time with family, plan your finances to support these activities. Having a clear vision of your desired lifestyle will help you allocate funds appropriately.

Financial Freedom and Peace of Mind
Transitioning from an active business life to retirement requires careful planning. Here are some steps to achieve financial freedom and peace of mind:

1. Succession Planning
If your business is doing well, consider succession planning. This involves identifying and preparing a successor to take over the business. You can gradually reduce your involvement while ensuring the business continues to thrive.

2. Passive Income Streams
Focus on building passive income streams that require minimal active management. Your rental income and fixed deposit interest are good examples. Explore other avenues like dividends from shares or interest from bonds.

Final Insights
Retirement planning is a multi-faceted process that requires careful consideration of various aspects of your financial life. Here’s a summary of key points to ensure a fulfilling and secure retirement:

Review and Optimize Investments: Regularly review your portfolio with a CFP to ensure it aligns with your goals.
Ensure Steady Income: Focus on building and maintaining passive income streams.
Plan for Children’s Future: Secure their education and other needs through dedicated investments.
Manage Health and Lifestyle: Ensure adequate insurance coverage and plan for a desired lifestyle.
Achieve Financial Freedom: Gradually transition out of active business life through succession planning and building passive income.
By following these steps, you can create a comprehensive retirement plan that not only secures your financial future but also brings you peace of mind and satisfaction. Remember, retirement is not just about financial security but also about enjoying the fruits of your hard work.

Best Regards,

K. Ramalingam, MBA, CFP,

Chief Financial Planner,

www.holisticinvestment.in

..Read more

Latest Questions
Ravi

Ravi Mittal  |428 Answers  |Ask -

Dating, Relationships Expert - Answered on Nov 21, 2024

Asked by Anonymous - Nov 15, 2024Hindi
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Relationship
I am a 25 year old girl. I have good job and happy career wise. I am in a relationship with a boy who is very career oriented, and runs from the marriage topic also. My parents are now behind to me to get married. I am also interested in getting married and settle in my. When I told my boyfriend about this. He gets furious. He don’t want to communicate with me on this. He don’t give any attention to my problem. He says if you really love me then you will love and you will do whatever needed to be done. Now everything is on me.I am very confused what to do. I can’t tell my parents about him, as he is not ready. I also have a fear, that this boy is not going to marry me, so am I leaving good boys which my parents are showing me. Am I already late...what if I don’t get anyone, will I have to compromise in my life If I will delay. Please help!!
Ans: Dear Anonymous,
Let me start with the most important thing- you are far from late. You are only 25; I would say this is your time to focus on your career and live a little. But if you are ready for marriage, then that is great too. But do not ever think that it's too late. It isn't even a little late. If anything, in today's day and age, it's early.

Now coming to your boyfriend- have you ever asked him if he has any plans to get married or if he intends to continue this relationship without ever committing to marriage? It's important that you discuss this. And his dialogue, "if you really love me then you will love and you will do whatever needed to be done" doesn't make any sense because you can tell him the same. I suggest you speak to him openly and let him know that you want to get married- if not right now, but somewhere down the line you want marriage. If his intentions are not the same, he should let you know so that you can move on and find someone who shares the same outlook as you. And, to be honest, not paying attention to your problems is concerning. In a relationship, two people should help each other out in times of trouble.

Please have the talk and reconsider the relationship according to how it goes.

Best Wishes.

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Ravi

Ravi Mittal  |428 Answers  |Ask -

Dating, Relationships Expert - Answered on Nov 21, 2024

Ravi

Ravi Mittal  |428 Answers  |Ask -

Dating, Relationships Expert - Answered on Nov 21, 2024

Asked by Anonymous - Nov 21, 2024Hindi
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Relationship
I (27M) have recently started searching for prospects through Arranged Marriage Platforms. I got connected with a Lady (25F) & we seemed to be getting along quite well, through chatting & phone calls. When we were planning to meet in person, for our first Date, she picked a place which is one of the most expensive ones in our City & just a single Date over there may cost us around ?10 Thousand. Though, I am earning pretty well (?30Lakh/Annum), I am reluctant to spend so much amount on our First Date, whilst we are still in the process of getting to know each other. If I'd been Married to her, I'd be willing to spend that much for celebrating our Wedding Anniversary. But this is just our First Date & I am not even sure whether we'd be getting Married or not. The Date is scheduled for next Month & I'm still in Dilemma, whether I should request her to meet up at a more affordable venue or ask her to split the expenses, equally or proportionate to our Earning (She earns just around ?6 Lakh/Annum). I'm afraid that being so Straight-forward & upfront about Money Matters, at this stage, might give her a negative impression about me. She seems to be having a lot of Materialistic Expectations from me, as I earn much more than her & she has been hinting me about her expectations such as Expensive Gifts & Vacations abroad. Even though I am a person who's very cautious & disciplined with Money, I'd be glad to spend generously, for the happiness of my Life Partner, but not at this stage, when we haven't even committed to each other. Please suggest me, how can I handle this situation without coming off as too miserly? Moreover, I'm also planning to discuss some important matters, such as how we'd be handling our Finances in the Future. But I am worried, whether it would be appropriate to bring up this matter, in our very first personal meet-up? I'm afraid that she might Judge me as too Money-minded & I might lose out on a suitable match. Please Help me.
Ans: Dear Anonymous,
Your concerns are completely valid. Splurging, especially at this stage, is unnecessary. Good connections can be built anywhere; expensive places play no part in it. Also, being disciplined about money is the right approach.

I understand that you are worried about coming off miserly, but you are not. You are merely being responsible. You can suggest another more affordable place and see how she reacts. If she is okay with it, then great. If not, then you should rethink this match. You don't want to marry someone who is in it for the money. Now, coming to discussing how to split the finances, I would suggest you wait a bit. A first date might not be the right place for it. If all goes well, and you think this woman can be a suitable match, bring it up politely on the second or third date, to have clarity on it early on. For instance, you can casually start by giving an example of a friend who recently got married- something like, "Rohan's wife takes care of the groceries and stuff, while he pays off the bill." And then mention that you were wondering how you two should split it if you happen to get married. It is a reasonable question and should not show you off as money-minded. It's always best to discuss these important matters in the initial stages to avoid any conflict in the future.

Hope this helps!

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Ravi

Ravi Mittal  |428 Answers  |Ask -

Dating, Relationships Expert - Answered on Nov 21, 2024

Asked by Anonymous - Nov 20, 2024Hindi
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Ravi

Ravi Mittal  |428 Answers  |Ask -

Dating, Relationships Expert - Answered on Nov 21, 2024

Asked by Anonymous - Nov 20, 2024
Relationship
Hello, I am married for 4 years. And someone from my office loves me. He wants me to love him also even if I am married. That office colleague take too much efforts for me, he listens everything about me, he cares about me. But my husband only focused on his work. So I want love, that boy is the best for the love. But loving another man even if you have husband is cheating. I don't know but I feel that I want both of them and I am confused about it. I also love that man from my office. I am so much confused.
Ans: Dear Anonymous,
I understand that you are feeling undervalued by your husband but the "I want both of them" approach has never worked out well for anyone, especially in an exclusive relationship. You have a few options here-
You speak to your husband about how the lack of attention from him is affecting you and work on it with him.
Tell him openly about this man and let him know that there's a slight chance that you might develop feelings for him if your husband continues to pay all his focus on work and none on you. This could shake him up from his slumber and help him realize that he has not been fair to you.
Opt for separation- if you do not have an open marriage, you cannot have both of the men. It isn't moral to do this behind your partner's back.

I strongly suggest you consider doing the first option. Communicate your feelings of loneliness to your husband and seek help from a marriage counselor. It can do wonders for your relationship.

Best Wishes.

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Dr Shakeeb Ahmed

Dr Shakeeb Ahmed Khan  |127 Answers  |Ask -

Physiotherapist - Answered on Nov 21, 2024

Asked by Anonymous - Nov 19, 2024Hindi
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Health
Hello Dr.Shakeeb, I’m a 55 yrs male, had stents implanted in 2020 because of bad food habits and lack of regular movement, things have improved since then with better control on food habits. My problem is belly fat which is embarrassing and my weight is 77kgs, I was on knee braces for last 30 days bcoz of a slight ligament strain, so not able to do strenuous exercises. Pls suggest a workable regime for belly fat elimination considering my case history.
Ans: Hello Sir. Thank you for your query. Reducing belly fat requires a combination of calorie control, low-impact exercises, and lifestyle changes, tailored to your health history. Start by maintaining a slight calorie deficit of 200-300 kcal/day, focusing on a balanced diet rich in lean proteins, complex carbs, and healthy fats while avoiding sugary and processed foods. Drink 2-3 liters of water daily to stay hydrated. Engage in low-impact activities like brisk walking for 30-40 minutes daily, which is gentle on the knees and heart-friendly. Incorporate simple core-strengthening exercises such as pelvic tilts, seated knee lifts, and standing side bends to activate abdominal muscles without straining your knees. As your ligament strain heals, consult Physiotherapist about gradually increasing exercise intensity, including light resistance training. Prioritize 7-8 hours of quality sleep and manage stress through mindfulness to lower cortisol levels, which can contribute to belly fat. Small, frequent meals can keep your metabolism active, and tracking progress through waist measurements rather than just weight will help you stay motivated. These adjustments will promote gradual, sustainable fat loss while ensuring safety and heart health. I wish you healthy and active lifestyle.

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Anu

Anu Krishna  |1318 Answers  |Ask -

Relationships Expert, Mind Coach - Answered on Nov 21, 2024

Relationship
Dear Anu Krishna, I'm 48 married with 2 kids daughter in 10th and son in 5th. Wife works as a VP in a large firm. Since post COVID there has been almost no intimacy. I tried to talk to her and she says that I'm a sex maniac. I said once in six months at least she says not interested. She s fit in good health exercises and all tests are ok. Last year my friend's wife informed me about their private WhatsApp messages and I was shocked. We go on tours and trips and functions and everything externally is normal. I buy her gifts and we go out to restaurants etc. Everything except intimacy. I've tried to talk about 50 times but she doesn't want to talk not seek any help. Infact the signs of this started from 2016. She's 43 now. I m thinking of now seperating from her. Im really fed up. Nothing is working, and she's adamant. I've pulled on for kids but maybe I can be together for a few more years. I can't live with her forever. You generally ask people to get help and talk etc which is done and tried and yet no solution. Can you agree for once that there is a genuine case to not continue It's my life I know but I think I'm 100% right and that i have hit the end of the road. Inhold you in high regard hence writing to you Sameer
Ans: Dear Sachin,
Thank you for your kind and respectful acknowledgement of me.
Now,
You wrote:
Last year my friend's wife informed me about their private WhatsApp messages and I was shocked. - What was shocking? You have not shared this!

Lack of interest in sex can be due to:
- change in hormones
- boredom in the bedroom routine
- lack of intimacy outside the bedroom

Now, what I must agree on is something that we can keep aside, yeah? My job is to try and guide people to put things together of course, if that's what they want. You seem to have already believed that nothing can work; how can anyone guide you? When you claim that you nothing is working, I will still ask you, "How do you know that you have tried everything to know that nothing is working?"

Also, if you have decided to separate, what more can I suggest? You feel that you are 100% right, BUT you know what: If you actually were 100% right, you would not be here checking in with me...Just playing the mirror here for you.
I still would suggest that you work on your marriage; communicate and rebuild...it's a long path BUT the fruits of it can be amazing!

All the best!
Anu Krishna
Mind Coach|NLP Trainer|Author
Drop in: www.unfear.io
Reach me: Facebook: anukrish07/ AND LinkedIn: anukrishna-joyofserving/

...Read more

Anu

Anu Krishna  |1318 Answers  |Ask -

Relationships Expert, Mind Coach - Answered on Nov 21, 2024

Asked by Anonymous - Nov 18, 2024Hindi
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Relationship
Hi , I am married 2.5 years ago to a man , who is very less in education compared to me , this marriage was done as a compromise or in worries about my future as my parents are no more .. He and his family is average in all case ..cleanliness, hygeiene , social relations, religious practices , education , self respect , financial well being ... all these things are either meaningless for them or they vary poor in those . Nor even they have moral values , as they have cheated me by hiding my husband's age to me . I told them that we strongly believe in astrology and will not go without it . Still they gave me wrong information about his age and he is very elder to me .As I am well educated , employed and self dependant. So they somehow trapped me for marriage. After 3-4 months of marriage my husband was diagnosed (a type of oral cancer) caused due to consuming gutkha and ciggarettes. He lied and denied to have any disease still i started his medication . In some time I lost my job also still continued his treatment , tried to help him in his business , it made a big impact on my sqving too :( But because of his careless business practice , it didnt work for him. Also I paid many times his car's EMI . And supported in all types of expenses be it house hold , his medication or business . He has parental properties in village but they are hardly using it for their own use and wanted to use my money till now . As I now denied to give more money , now they have started looking to sell or rent / lease their property for their use . I have spent lot of money on them , I hardly believe they will try to pay it out fully to me or give some part of property for my safe future now :( I am now 43 and have no children . At other hand my brother is also alone( even being his wife and 2 sons) Wife is quarrelsome and has a history of false case of dowry on my brother and due to this my brother and my family sufferered a lot , its been 20 years now . But this has tortured my brother me and my mother a lot in past .Sis-in-law never let my nephews to stay or sit for some time with us (me or my mother ). And now as my both nephews have grown up my sis-in-law told them lie as if she was victim and , we were the culprit . Children were innocent , they didnt knew the fact , hence taking mother's side now. I thought that as my sis-in-law doesn't like us so unwillingly I decided to marry with a compromise , thinking that after my marriage all will be fine in brother's home , But nothing improved. And now my brother , after my marriage is emotionally alone at home , I feel very sorry about this . I want to go back and take care of my brother , as now he is 53 and emotionally very weak , diabetic and suffering other disease too . Sis-in-law is least interested in his health , care .. so as her children. Going back to parental (it is my father's home, so i also have legal right on that property )home and leaving husband is not so easy, .. Elder Nephew and sis-in-law can become very violent as they are always . I dont want to endanger my brother's health and if I dont go then also .. brother is taking care of him alone ..that too very casually ..how can i make all things correct . Please suggest .
Ans: Dear Anonymous,
Hello! Excuse me...
Take care of yourself first before trying to save someone else.
Your brother is a grown man and knows what is to be done. Allow him to process his life's situations. By stepping into it especially in your state of mind will make things worse. Also, if you want guidance on this, kindly post another question else it will get confusing for all of us here.

First think of what you must do to make things better for yourself. Ask yourself whether you are interested in continuing the marriage. A lot of your time, money and energy has been invested in it and based on a lie. You have no clue what else they have lied about...do you want a marriage that is standing on a bed of lies? is it possible for you to trust your husband and his family all over again? What can they do so that you place trust in them again?

If this is not possible, the you are in a place where you need to make decisions about your marriage and your life in general.

All the best!
Anu Krishna
Mind Coach|NLP Trainer|Author
Drop in: www.unfear.io
Reach me: Facebook: anukrish07/ AND LinkedIn: anukrishna-joyofserving/

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