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Ravi

Ravi Mittal  |42 Answers  |Ask -

Dating, Relationships Expert - Answered on May 23, 2023

Radha Question by Radha on May 21, 2023

Relationship
I am 12th passed student and I had a bf around feb .Everything was perfectly fine in the starting but then somehow our talks got less and i asked him if everything was ok bcoz i felt strange whenever we talked through texts. He said he is tired and doesn't wanna talk and did not know what happened to him ... Plus exams were ongoing so I supported the way I can but i knew something was off ... As the time passed things got worse. I asked how much time u need to be urself .. u are going out with ur friends but don't wanna talk to me neither u asked how i am for past dew weeks or a month . In the last he said leave I am not good enough for you. Everything thing we talked was on snapchat app. I was so depressed plus my exam result were less then expected. I stopped using any social media.. There wasn't a single day i missed him or thought of seeing the snaps but somehow i made myself I understand that If u were imp he wouldn't talk about leaving...ig ... But still I do miss him when everything was started and ended by him... On 14th My frnd texted me asking abt my result and she said she will ask him aswell( she doesn't know abt us dating) ... And after a week i.e today i downloaded the app and i saw that he sent me snaps till 14th and they all were deleted and after that there was nothing. Somehow i feel that there must be some conversations between my frnd and him. But what i feel now is that i regret why i didn't saw his msgs when i missed him. It makes me feel regret and sad . Whenever i think about it i forget all that disrespect but at the same time something stops me . Idk what kind of feeling is this ... All ik that there was a little communication between us that was also gone ... I just wanna overcome but i cant . Its gonna be a month and these emotions are really making me feel depressed. I even start making scenarios and stories in my mind . Idk what is happening to me . Pls help me overcome this what should i do ?
Ans: Dear Radha,

I understand that you are experiencing a rollercoaster of emotions at the moment, but listen to me, this too shall pass. You won't feel this way three months from now. Six months from now, you will find it funny that you even felt this way once, and you might even regret focusing on your ex than your exams. Two years from now, you will even forget how you felt on this day; you will forget the sorrow, you will forget how lonely and helpless you felt. You will move on. Everyone does. Look at the bigger picture and these feelings that you are experiencing today will seem small.

Now, coming to how you can deal with it at present- focus on your studies; everything can wait, but your career won't. Hang out with your friends; tell them how you are feeling. Talking about pain is known to give some kind of relief. No one can take it from you, but having someone to listen to it can help. Focus on your health- mental and physical; workout a bit. It helps. And, in the end, let time do its magic.

P.S. If he says he's not good enough for you, believe it. You deserve better; even your ex thinks so. So why don't you?

Best Wishes!

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Anu

Anu Krishna  |458 Answers  |Ask -

Relationships Expert, Mind Coach - Answered on May 03, 2023

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Exams and all are over ... My bf didn't texted me .. I asked him do you want to talk or not the he sounded non interested while talking and then i asked him what happened to you as he said he didn't wanted to talk to anyone he needs time ... So I gave him its been a month... I asked him again .. he was visiting places with his friends( girl) but didn't want to talk .. he said he didn't want talk just want to travel and need some time . I asked him how much time u need its been past one month . I said him to talk to me on call and clear it and then he said that If you cant spend days without talking to me , if u can't understand my situation and can't wait then u can leave ... What should I do ?? Is it so easy for boys to talk about breakup ..pls tell urgently. I don't feel valued and respected as If I was imp for him he would not talk abt breakup so easily. After this everything went silent.. it was like don't know shall I wait or not .. but I realised I don't have value in his life ... Some days before He texted me do u wanna talk or not . I replied with same energy like he used to do. Then I asked him what happened for past 2 months i got the same reply .. I was really hurt but i guess he never realised I texted that u blanked out for 2 months I asked desperately but u never gave me proper answer .. I was hurt even then also u never realised... He replied Hmm .. So u wanna talk or not say clearly. Yes or no that's it ..At this time it hit hard .. And then asked do u want us to continue. He said yes then i said How will u continue when u don't know what happened to u .. u don't sound interested when i ask with some pressure u just say to leave and the said .. Chalo leave ... I am not gud for u. Even after that he sends me snaps ... So idk what is this situation and I am not in condition to ask him as well. Should I just leave his snaps unseen and focus on my career?
Ans: Dear Yashasvi,

If I recall, you had reached out to me earlier too and asked me about the same thing.
For some reason, you are not willing to believe that he is just playing around and not interested in a commitment that you are interested in.
In your own words: "but I realised I don't have value in his life." - When you have realized this, what more are you expecting from him?

I understand that you are hurt with his attitude and feel rejected...you are also possibly hoping for him to change and come back to you; will it happen? With what you have said about him: he wants to travel, he needs time...he has not broken up with you because there was no relationship that he was in with you at all. It is time for you to accept that this boy is currently not in a place where he wants to stick with you in a commitment. So, he makes all the excuses he can come up with...and when he can roam about with the other girl, does that not tell you that you seriously have no value in his life? How else do you want him to tell you, so that you can move on...
Please value and respect yourself first; only then others will do that too...you have just become too easily available for him and he has used that to treat you the way he does...
So, what should you do? Yes, kindly focus on your career...it will boost your confidence and give you a sense of accomplishment to value yourself even more...

All the best...remember to also value yourself...
(more)
Shalini

Shalini Singh  |29 Answers  |Ask -

Dating Coach - Answered on Apr 04, 2023

Relationship
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Ans: Its important you focus on 2 things for now - (1) your self esteem and your confidence & (2) your education and career. Once you are financially independent is when you can think of a serious relationship - all the best.
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Anu

Anu Krishna  |458 Answers  |Ask -

Relationships Expert, Mind Coach - Answered on Apr 17, 2023

Relationship
Exams and all are over ... My bf didn't texted me .. I asked him do you want to talk or not the he sounded non interested while talking and then i asked him what happened to you as he said he didn't wanted to talk to anyone he needs time ... So I gave him its been a month... I asked him again .. he was visiting places with his friends( girl) but didn't want to talk .. he said he didn't want talk just want to travel and need some time . I asked him how much time u need its been past one month . I said him to talk to me on call and clear it and then he said that If you cant spend days without talking to me , if u can't understand my situation and can't wait then u can leave ... What should I do ?? Is it so easy for boys to talk about breakup ..pls tell urgently. I don't feel valued and respected as If I was imp for him he would not talk abt breakup so easily.
Ans: Dear Yashasvi,
You are right in not feeling valued and respected because this so-called boyfriend isn not valuing or respecting you!
He wants a break? Give yourself a break from him as you focus on your studies and build a good social circle. He does not want a serious relationship right now and is moving on by going out with others...
So, why are you waiting for that commitment? What more do you want him to tell you over a call for you to know that he is not interested in a steady relationship that you might be looking for?
Maintain your value and respect; and if you still in doubt, let me tell you; YES, people need space and time to re-think things but surely a call or a text does not require a huge investment of time.
To look at it form his side, maybe he is confused about this whole thing and does not want to hurt you and that is hurting you.
So, give yourself time so, you can feel better emotionally. Spend time with your friends and family:) Laugh a lot; these are phases of life and not a permanent state.

All the best!
(more)
Latest Questions
Anu

Anu Krishna  |458 Answers  |Ask -

Relationships Expert, Mind Coach - Answered on Jun 03, 2023

Asked by Anonymous - Jun 02, 2023
Relationship
I am a 45 years old Indian living in the US for the past 10 years with the family. Despite having a steady job and a pay which typically is considered high, I end up spending more than my income. My wife also works full time with good pay as well but she thinks it's my responsibility to provide and she just saves all her money in her own accounts. We have multiple properties on both our names including cars but only I pay. I pay for groceries, bills, travel everything. On discussing about the expenses, which I have done multiple times so far, she says I should be ashamed to expect money from a woman. If this continues, I will reach retirement age kind of broke I feel. Also, I will spend sleepless nights thinking about finances until then. Please advice.
Ans: Dear Anonymous,
Like in any partnership, marriage is one such partnership where everything is usually shared. But I do know of couples, where they mutually agree that one partner takes care of the bills and the other education etc.
In your case, your wife has been saving up and you have been bleeding dry of your finances.
But why exactly are you spending more than your income? Financial mismanagement? Maybe that's why your wife is worried that it might happen to her portion of the income too?
Having said that, I guess your wife also needs to move past the belief that the Man is solely responsible for bringing money home. By that logic, she should never have worked, right?

Since she is working as well, she can contribute towards the family to the extent it can help but it is also imperative that as a woman she keeps some finances saved as a back-up for herself. It provides a good safety blanket for a woman since she possibly feels that you are spending more than what you earn.
It's up to you to bring about the subject without her feeling that you are out to spend all her money. So, you really need to start with managing your finances better...I am sure things will get better from thereon...

All the best!
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Anu

Anu Krishna  |458 Answers  |Ask -

Relationships Expert, Mind Coach - Answered on Jun 03, 2023

Relationship
Hi Anu, I hope you're doing well. I'm a 24 year old girl working as a software engineer. I was in love with a boy in long distance relationship and I met him only once. We both had great understanding, respect on each other. It was all good between us. On February 2023, he called me one day saying that he wants to tell his parents about our love matter. I said okay and asked him what he wanted to do if his family disagrees. He said that he'll wait until his family approves. I was okay with it and he informed to his family. But things started changing after he talked with his family. He wanted to break up with me. I told him many times that I wanted to be with him and don't want to break up. But, he didn't agree. Eventually, we stopped talking with each other. It was hard for me to move on but after few months, i finally decided to move on with my life. Then suddenly he messaged me saying that he wants to get back with me. I didn't agreed as I lost my trust on him. He even informed his family about getting back with me and they were okay with it. He wants to marry me. But, now the problem is I still like him, but I lost trust in him. I wanted to give him a chance but I'm afraid because of past break up with him. I'm confused about what should I do? Anu, can you please suggest me about giving him a chance or moving on with my life?
Ans: Dear Mahi,
Thank you for asking. I am doing well and trust that you too will be in the same space as well.
When what he has done has broken your trust, it is difficult to get it back... he has come back, but you are perhaps thinking: what if he pulls the same stunt again? And this makes you question every move of his...

If you look at it from his point of view, he possibly also loves you but his family pressures are getting to him and he can do only that much. Yes, it would have been more 'human' to talk to you about what had happened after he spoke with his family. But he chose not to and that lack of transparency is what has thrown you off...perhaps, he isn't all that mature emotionally or feels that he might lose you if he shares anything.

Whatever it is, your loss of trust on him is justified after the way he had behaved. If the two of you still want to give your relationship a chance, kindly do so...and clearly state to him that you have lost trust on him. Not only does he have explaining to do but he must reassure you that he will be honest with you in future. Also, give some time before committing to a marriage while you watch whether he has changed and he is consistent with what he has committed to changing. Only when you are sure, take a decision either way!

All the best!
(more)
Anu

Anu Krishna  |458 Answers  |Ask -

Relationships Expert, Mind Coach - Answered on Jun 03, 2023

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