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Dr Aarti

Dr Aarti Bakshi  |40 Answers  |Ask -

Child and Parenting Counsellor - Answered on Feb 28, 2023

Dr Aarti Bakshi is a psychologist licensed by the Rehabilitation Council of India.
A school counsellor, she has worked for 15 years with young adults.
She has two PhD degrees -- developmental psychology from Global Institute of Healthcare Management and clinical psychology from Singhania University.
She is on the CBSE panel for counsellors and special educators. She collaborates with SAAR Education to help children develop life skills.
She has authored SEL (social emotional learning) journals for Grades 1-8.... more
Utkarsh Question by Utkarsh on Feb 28, 2023Hindi
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I always worry about my 5-year-old child falling ill or getting hurt. Even a small injury or illness freaks me out. So much so that I am even apprehensive of sending my child to school. My wife and others in my family have grown weary of my habit. But I genuinely feel anxious all the time. What should I do to put my mind at ease with my child's growing up?

Ans: Watching your child grow, do mundane activities is seeing your heart walk around. Being concerned is fine, being overtly worried is not, here are a few suggestions:
1. In and out of control- your voice, behaviour and actions are in your control, but others actions are not in your control. Teaching your child safe and unsafe touch, to tell you before going anywhere should be taught by you, but giving a little freedom to your child helps him grow.
2. Mindfulness- doing slow breathing, with tip of tongue to your palette will help you calm down. Gardening, going for a walk, following a hobby will support further.
3. Exercise- regular and at least 45 minutes as a sport will build calming and feel good hormones.
Every parent wishes the best for their child. Being over protective will hurt your child more. It will not allow your child to take risks, make responsible decisions or even make friends. Support your child to grow.
DISCLAIMER: The answer provided by rediffGURUS is for informational and general awareness purposes only. It is not a substitute for professional medical diagnosis or treatment.
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Hi Anu, I'm a guest faculty working at a government educational institute. I have a son who will be 5 years on August 13. He is very active, smart and kind. Recently I have noticed him crying and scared of death- Thanatophobia. Every day in the evening he will start crying thinking the world will end. He will die or me and his Dad will die. I explained him quiet spiritually that no death can come shiva will protect us. But he is not satisfied. This particular behaviour of him has started since his school started. Is this separation anxiety. Please help me how do I make him lead a normal life as he used to be?
Ans:

Dear NS,

When did this exactly start after he started school?

It helps to go back to that point in time to when this first started to affect him.

Was there a death in the family? A movie that he watched? A story that was narrated to him? Someone in the school shared some content that is frightening?

It is unlikely that he might suddenly have this kind of a fearful reaction.

To assess if this is separation anxiety will require a detailed understanding of his situation.

Children that age as your son can extrapolate one story into another and weave a new story that might have never happened.

Their imagination can take on new dimensions. It will be worth the effort talking to his teachers and the school counsellor.

My suggestion to you is to gather all this information and go to a professional who can handle this.

Is this necessary? YES, as they are trained to deal with fears and panic.

This will help him release these unwanted feelings and breathe easy. Wait no longer.

Till then, surround him with much love and support him by reassuring him that his family loves him no matter what.

All the best!

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Anu Krishna  |823 Answers  |Ask -

Relationships Expert, Mind Coach - Answered on Aug 11, 2022

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Hi Anu, I'm a guest faculty working at a government educational institute. I have a son who will be 5 years on August 13. He is very active, smart and kind. Recently I have noticed him crying and scared of death- Thanatophobia. Every day in the evening he will start crying thinking the world will end. He will die or me and his Dad will die. I explained him quiet spiritually that no death can come shiva will protect us. But he is not satisfied. This particular behaviour of him has started since his school started. Is this separation anxiety. Please help me how do I make him lead a normal life as he used to be?
Ans:

Dear NS,

When did this exactly start after he started school?

It helps to go back to that point in time to when this first started to affect him.

Was there a death in the family? A movie that he watched? A story that was narrated to him? Someone in the school shared some content that is frightening?

It is unlikely that he might suddenly have this kind of a fearful reaction.

To assess if this is separation anxiety will require a detailed understanding of his situation.

Children that age as your son can extrapolate one story into another and weave a new story that might have never happened.

Their imagination can take on new dimensions. It will be worth the effort talking to his teachers and the school counsellor.

My suggestion to you is to gather all this information and go to a professional who can handle this.

Is this necessary? YES, as they are trained to deal with fears and panic.

This will help him release these unwanted feelings and breathe easy. Wait no longer.

Till then, surround him with much love and support him by reassuring him that his family loves him no matter what.

All the best!

(more)
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Anu Krishna  |823 Answers  |Ask -

Relationships Expert, Mind Coach - Answered on Apr 12, 2023

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Hello Anu - we have a 5 year old son and he's getting out of our control these days and we don't know how to handle him. His actions and tantrums are mischievous and hurtful at the same time. Earlier he used to get scared from his mother but she's also losing control over him these days. If we scream or shout, he repeats the same things that kind of irritates us more. If we try to be reasonable with him, it's of no use - he takes us for granted. If we tell him about repercussions on his actions like a timeout or no tv time or no play time, he does not listen and at the end we give him to his crying. He also becomes uncontrollably violent at times - though he thinks it's a game, but in reality his actions literally hurt us. I know partially I am to blame as when he was younger, these violent games looked fun but now that he's older and stronger, they are not fun anymore to me or anyone in our house. I've tried to explain him, but at the end he is just 5 years old! Every morning to night it's a mountaineous challenge for us. My wife and I talk after he sleeps, decide what to do or not do from the next dat but bam! it's just the same routine every single day. Moreover my wife is pregnant with our second child so I fear this might have a bad effect on our 2nd baby as my wife remains stressed out. I know this could be every parent - but then if it happens that often, is there a solution? Can you help us?
Ans: Dear Shubham,
How is it possible for a 5-year old to understand logic when he is throwing an emotional fit (tantrum)?
Like you said it yourself; when it could have been stopped and changed, it wasn't done. He probably felt that it was fine to behave 'violently' (though I don't understand the context in which you use this word).
Now. all of a sudden when you and your wife are trying to stop him, he is pulling away as this behaviour was rewarded earlier. he has your earlier silence as your love and affection for which which he fears will be withdrawn now if he stops his behaviour.
So, logic isn't going to work; it doesn't work with adults, and here the child is merely 5 years.
So undoing what was done is going to take a lot of effort and patience (beyond all the talk that you and yoir wife are doing).
Start by:
- ignoring his tantrums; he will time-out himself in exhaustion
- talking to him at his eye level; get down on your knees, so he doesn't feel intimidated by your height
- hugging him a lot; a caring touch is worth a thousand words
- telling him how excited you both were when he was born; this can ensure that he will be special even after the arrival of the new baby
- distracting him with creative things; story telling and fine motor skill games improve focus and concentration
- cutting down on foods filled with sugar; sugar boost is artificial and can make a child or anyone go a little anxious
- ensuring him that he is loved a lot; saying it aloud while hugging him will soften his behaviour over time

Try these and I hope they work. If not, kindly without delay seek an appointment with a professional who can deal with children at your son's age.

All the best!
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Dr Aarti Bakshi  |40 Answers  |Ask -

Child and Parenting Counsellor - Answered on Apr 27, 2023

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My five-year-old child has just started going to school a month ago. She has never been out without her parents. This is her first time outside in a big set up with complete strangers. Initially, she cried a lot and we tried leaving her at school first and then staying with her there for some time. But the school authorities took things in their hands a couple of days ago. My child started sitting in the class and stopped crying, and according to them 'she is fine now'. But she became very quiet after coming back. Her usual playfulness was missing. She was not speaking much and was mostly nodding her head in response when asked anything. Even the things she is usually excited by were not interesting her. She went out to play but came shortly saying 'I am tired'. I took her out and after very long time she started talking normally. I spoke to her teachers and they said we were a bit strict with her today as it was needed. They're saying we should send her to school and this behaviour would be over within a week or so. But my wife and I are very worried that her childhood is being lost in this exercise. What should we do?
Ans: It is trying as a parent to see your child grow and develop in so many ways. It takes a village to bring up a child. Parenting is an art and you learn on the job. Averagely schools build discipline, consistency and hardwork. Parents build social connectedness, and support a child to see the real world. Trust professionals and be there as parents to hug and be hearing ears. But you are a team with the school faculty so you could reach out and connect with them. Hear their views, state yours views positively, and work towards the betterment of your child, trust processes. Children are precious and entry into the real world is tough for any child away from the cocoon of home. You both are her trusted adults, support the teacher to be her trusted adult too. Positive words fun and play are wonderful additions in a child’s life. Revert back with your way forward.
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Sir, my daughter is going to finish her BA with Psychology Honours from Indraprastha College for Women, Delhi University. She has received an offer to pursue her MSC in Organizational Psychology from University of Manchester, UK. We would like to know more about the future prospects of this course and the employability. Also, we would like to know how different it is from an MBA in Human Resources?
Ans: Hello Rohit,

To begin with, thank you for contacting us. I am glad to hear that your daughter is going to complete her Bachelor of Arts (BA) with Psychology Honours and has received an offer to pursue her Master of Science (MSc) in Organizational Psychology from the University of Manchester in the UK. To answer your question first, I would like to tell you that your daughter will be offered a solid basis in understanding human behavior in the workplace as well as real-world abilities in fields viz., talent management, employee evaluation, and organizational development through pursuing a Master of Science in Organizational Psychology from the University of Manchester. Students pursuing this degree are provided with the information and skills required to tackle different difficulties that organizations encounter, viz., leadership effectiveness, employee motivation, and team dynamics.

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Next, coming to your query as to how this course is different from an MBA in Human Resources, I would like to let you know that an MSc in Organizational Psychology in comparison to an MBA in Human Resources generally places a greater emphasis on the psychological facets of the behavior and growth of organizations. Although topics associated with managing people within organizations is also covered in an MBA in Human Resources, it frequently adopts a more comprehensive corporate viewpoint encompassing fields viz., strategy, marketing, and finance.

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Dear Sushil, My daughter is 23 years old , finished her MBA from KIMS and got a job in Kirloskar Pune as a HR BP ( Management Trainee)in Jan 2024. Her results were good throughout. Topped 12 from Aditya, BSc Botany from Lady Brabourne kolkata ( 1st class first). Sir, we can't manage funds for going to abroad. Kindly guide us about her next step so that her career escalates. Sanchita
Ans: Hello Sanchita. Thank you for connecting with us. Congratulations to your daughter on her academic achievements and securing a position as an HR business partner (management trainee) at Kirloskar Pune. It is evident that she has a strong academic background, leading to promising career prospects ahead. It is understandable that there are financial constraints at the moment. Furthermore, let me tell you that there are educational loans that would be available for your daughter’s education abroad. Given your daughter’s excellent academic background, she can be eligible for scholarships and financial aid, either fully or partially. This would help your daughter manage her finances well abroad.There are some universities that come with financial aid packages like grants, loans, and work opportunities. This is specially designed to cover tuition fees, living expenses, etc. In addition to this, there are work opportunities as well, which would also be a good option for your daughter. By carefully planning and prioritising expenses, financial challenges won’t be an issue.

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Ramalingam Kalirajan  |884 Answers  |Ask -

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Mutual Funds, Financial Planning Expert - Answered on Apr 26, 2024

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Sir my age is 25 and I am earning 29000 per month.i am in govt sector.i am investing 20000 per month in sip in the following funds Motilal Oswal midcap fund 3000 HDFC s&p sensex index fund 4000 Motilal Oswal Nasdaq ETF 3000 Axis small cap fund 2000 Nippon India small cap fund 2000 ICICI prudential nifty 50 ETF 2000 US S&P 500 SPDR ETF 4000 And lastly 1000 in bitcoin but that I don't count because it's very risky and I may lose my money in bitcoin so I consider 20000 as my sip amount instead of 21000....sir kindly check my sip distribution if needed any changes..I will stay invested in market for 20 years and I want my wealth to grow so that I can retire at 45.. kindly provide me your valuable suggestions
Ans: Your commitment to investing at such a young age is commendable and lays a strong foundation for your future financial security. Let's review your SIP distribution to ensure it aligns with your goal of retiring at 45 and maximizing wealth growth over 20 years.

Your current SIP allocation demonstrates a diversified approach, spanning various sectors and geographies. However, given your long investment horizon and goal of wealth accumulation, it's essential to consider a few aspects:

Risk Tolerance: While your portfolio includes both domestic and international equity exposure, it's important to assess your risk tolerance. Small-cap and mid-cap funds tend to be more volatile but offer higher growth potential over the long term. Ensure you're comfortable with the level of risk associated with these investments.
Asset Allocation: Evaluate your asset allocation to ensure it reflects your risk appetite and investment goals. Consider allocating a portion of your portfolio to more stable assets like large-cap funds or debt instruments to balance risk and potential returns.
Review Periodically: As your financial circumstances and market conditions evolve, periodically review your SIP distribution to ensure it remains aligned with your goals. Rebalancing your portfolio may be necessary to maintain diversification and optimize returns.
Emergency Fund: Building an emergency fund equivalent to 3-6 months' worth of expenses is crucial to mitigate financial risks and ensure stability during unforeseen circumstances.
Regarding your Bitcoin investment, it's advisable to exercise caution due to its speculative nature and lack of proven track record. Cryptocurrencies are inherently risky and have not stood the test of time like traditional investment options. Consider focusing on more established and less volatile investment avenues for long-term wealth accumulation.
As a Certified Financial Planner, I advise you to consult with a financial advisor who can provide personalized guidance tailored to your specific financial situation and goals. Together, we can refine your investment strategy to optimize growth and set you on the path to achieving your retirement objectives.
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Ramalingam Kalirajan  |884 Answers  |Ask -

Mutual Funds, Financial Planning Expert - Answered on Apr 26, 2024

Asked by Anonymous - Apr 26, 2024Hindi
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I am 53 years old. I have fd of 20 lakh, pf of 15 lakhs, ppf of 15 lakhs, stock of 55 lakh, mf of 50 lakh. I invest in 5 lakh yearly in a ulip scheme, 3 lakh yearly in lic pension fund and do sip of 35000 across different mf. Am i retirement ready? I am a single person. I have no dependents. After retirement i will need sbout 80000 pm and will need 7 lakh per year for travelling.please advise
Ans: Given your diversified investment portfolio and diligent savings habits, you're certainly on the right track towards a comfortable retirement. However, let's delve deeper into your financial landscape to assess your readiness.

Your FDs, PF, PPF, stocks, and mutual funds collectively form a robust foundation for retirement. Your annual contributions to ULIP and LIC pension fund further bolster your retirement corpus. However, to ensure your desired lifestyle post-retirement, it's crucial to evaluate if your current investments align with your retirement income needs.

Considering your annual expenses post-retirement, including living expenses and travel aspirations, it's prudent to analyze if your existing investments can generate sufficient income. Additionally, factoring in inflation and potential healthcare expenses is paramount.

As a single individual with no dependents, your retirement planning focuses solely on your own needs and aspirations. While your investment portfolio appears substantial, a detailed retirement income projection would provide clarity on whether it adequately meets your desired lifestyle post-retirement.

As a Certified Financial Planner, I recommend conducting a comprehensive retirement planning analysis to ensure your financial goals are met with confidence and peace of mind. Together, let's fine-tune your retirement strategy to ensure a fulfilling and financially secure future.
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Ramalingam

Ramalingam Kalirajan  |884 Answers  |Ask -

Mutual Funds, Financial Planning Expert - Answered on Apr 26, 2024

Asked by Anonymous - Apr 26, 2024Hindi
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Hi i am 40 years old and working in private sector. Current investments in SIP's are UTI index and I Pru next 50 @ 1000/weekly, Nippon Small Cap @ 1500/Weekly also HDFC Mid cap opportunites @ 1000/weekly. I also have monthly SIP's in Canara Robeco Emerging Equities @ 2000,Invesco Multicap @ 2500, Mirae Emerging Bluechip @ 2500, Mirae NYSE Fang ETF FOF @ 5000, Quant Small cap @ 2000, PPFAS flexicap @ 2500, UT Flexi @ 2500. Most of the SIP's have been started in last 2-3 yeasr.
Ans: It's commendable that you've taken proactive steps towards securing your financial future, especially with such a diverse portfolio of SIPs. At 40, you're in a crucial phase of life where every investment decision counts. Your commitment to regular investing reflects a thoughtful approach to wealth accumulation.

With SIPs spread across various sectors, you've embraced the beauty of diversification. But have you ever pondered over whether your current investments truly align with your long-term goals and risk appetite? It's crucial to periodically reassess your portfolio's composition to ensure it remains in sync with your evolving financial aspirations.

Remember, the journey to financial independence is akin to a marathon, not a sprint. Each SIP contribution represents a step forward on this journey, building wealth brick by brick. As a Certified Financial Planner, I appreciate your dedication to securing your financial future and encourage you to continue this journey with wisdom and foresight.

In the vast landscape of investment opportunities, your portfolio reflects a tapestry of choices tailored to your vision. But as with any masterpiece, periodic reflection and adjustment are essential to ensure its continued brilliance. Let's navigate this journey together, crafting a future that's both prosperous and fulfilling, one SIP at a time.
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DISCLAIMER: The content of this post by the expert is the personal view of the rediffGURU. Investment in securities market are subject to market risks. Read all the related document carefully before investing. The securities quoted are for illustration only and are not recommendatory. Users are advised to pursue the information provided by the rediffGURU only as a source of information and as a point of reference and to rely on their own judgement when making a decision. RediffGURUS is an intermediary as per India's Information Technology Act.

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