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Love Guru   |187 Answers  |Ask -

Relationships Expert - Answered on Mar 13, 2023

Love Guru has been answering relationship and romance related questions on Rediff.com for over 13 years. She won't mince words when telling you what the problem is and what you can do about it. If you want a fresh perspective from an unbiased, objective-thinking individual about your relationship woes, Love Guru could just be the person you need to need to hear from.... more
Raju Question by Raju on Feb 27, 2023Hindi
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Relationship

I am 45 and my wife 40. We are married since 10 years and have a child. We are middle class. I really care my wife and love her. I believe in women empowerment and want my wife to be good in computer knowledge, spoken english and be a smart lady . Smart not in terms of look but from mind. I am an event manager. I want my wife to take take care of house hold responsibilities and help me at work to certain extent in balanced manner. But she is unable to take care of any of my wishes, desires, ambitions. I have tried to talk several several time but every time it becomes one sided. If i speak 100 then she doesn't speak even 1. I want to keep her happy. I want to give her an identity. But i fail in all because she doesn't understand me. This nature of her is just crushing all my ambitions, desires and wishes. By nature she seems to be very simple but as we know too much of anything is bad. Several times i have told her to talk and let me know her point of view, but she doesn't. She is not mature enough to handle those responsibilities that come in our life at different times. FEEL JUST HELPLESS HOW TO TUNE MY HOUSE AND HOUSE HOLD AFFAIRS WITHOUT THE SUPPORT OF WIFE. PLEASE GUIDE.

Ans: You have made very clear what you want, but we have no clue what your wife wants. And communication — or rather the lack of it — is the problem. You obviously can’t facilitate it because she’s simply not responding and I find that highly unusual. It seems like she is unable to express herself at all, and that is certainly an issue. Please consult a professional therapist and explain yourself; I would suggest you attend the first session alone so you are able to articulate the exact nature of the problem.

You may like to see similar questions and answers below

Anu

Anu Krishna  |823 Answers  |Ask -

Relationships Expert, Mind Coach - Answered on Mar 08, 2023

Asked by Anonymous - Mar 05, 2023Hindi
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Relationship
Dear Madam I am 36 years old and got married at 29. I have a 2year old daughter. My wife is highly impatient and always wants everyone to consider her as the centre of the universe. She has no interest in understanding peoples emotions and only cares for herself. Me and my family has no issues with this until my kid was born. After she is born, I had to devote much of my attention to my kid since my wife was very lackadaisical toward my baby. My whole energy was spent with my daughter who herself was a hyperactive kid but i do enjoy playing with her. But inspite of not understanding the fact that my whole energy is drained out by my kid, my wife starts blaming me that I am not taking care of her. What she wants is a silent husband who would silent approve of her whole nonsensical tantrums which of course i cant given the fact that my kid is growing up and i don't want her to take up these habits of her mothers. I have tried as much as possible to reason with her with patience but to no avail and my parents and relatives too after closely seeing my condition have also suggested a professional help in this regard. The fact is expect for people who are staying closely with us, no one can sense this attitude of her's and its quite difficult for others to believe when I am trying to tell them of this. Could you give me some help in this. How can I make her understand that I am not just a husband but I am a father , a son, a brother , a friend and more than that a human being.
Ans: Dear Anonymous,
Has you wife always been the way that you have described or has any incident given rise to this impatience and lack of reasoning?
A professional opinion may definitely be helpful in assessing what's going on and what can be done to streamline her thoughts into creating a family and a better life for herself and those around her.
Since, I don't know all the facts, I am unable to make a professional evaluation and can only work on some assumptions here.
Maybe she feels dissatisfied with being a wife and a mother and possibly wants to have a career for herself. Maybe motherhood is overwhelming for her and the responsibilities are worrying her.
Maybe she is seeking you care and attention.
Remember even a child when he/she throws a tantrum, you go deep to find the reason for it. It's never without a strong reason...So, do not dismiss what you wife might be going through. It needs to be taken care of.
In the meantime, care for yourself by making sure that you get some time off from playing the parent.
Find your ME time and indulge in your hobbies to maintain your sanity. You need to be a good kind space to be able to support your wife and child, so do what it takes to feel simple joys. So, seek professional help and NOW! Sometimes a total stranger can work wonders up...

All the best!
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Anu

Anu Krishna  |823 Answers  |Ask -

Relationships Expert, Mind Coach - Answered on Jul 18, 2023

Asked by Anonymous - Jul 07, 2023Hindi
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Relationship
I am a married man from last 20 years. I am unable to understand the psychology of my wife. she always complains me that she doesn't feel any belongingness from my end and keep her on last priority. further, I always take care of my mother, sisters and friends. I always talk to her in a very rude and loud voice. whenever i approach her she starts blaming me and after sometime, I became irritated by her repetitive statements. whenever she approach me to patch up after few moments she said that I am talking loud and non sense. please guide me how to tackle this problem to rejuvenate the relation?
Ans: Dear Anonymous,
You yourself have identified that you talk rudely to your wife; so how do you expect her to relate to you.
If you have chosen to 'rejuvenate' the relation, then the way the two of you communicate with each other must be changed.
This is a suggestion for both of you to improve your communication:
1. Listen to the other patiently when they are talking
2. Ask: 'What can I do to make you feel better?'
3. Make sure that there are no accusations/complaints made during the communication
4. Practice compassion when the other person is talking
5. Don't interrupt them in between when they are talking

This is just the beginning and basic guidelines to begin communicating better. As the two of you see the benefits, you can then start to work on the challenges that you face from family. As much as you take care of your side of the family, make sure that you give enough attention to your wife as well and the same goes for her.
The two of you are simply crying out for each other's time and attention. Start with the basic suggestions and slowly take it on from there.

All the best!
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Anu

Anu Krishna  |823 Answers  |Ask -

Relationships Expert, Mind Coach - Answered on Aug 03, 2023

Asked by Anonymous - Aug 02, 2023Hindi
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Relationship
Hello Mam, I am 45 year old IT professional, I have good salary and owning 3 flats. My wife is also working and she also having descent salary. I am having family of 4, Me, wife, daughter 11 years and son 8 years old. My problem here is, we are having discussion on only future and not living current life. My wife is think more about money and how to get money quickly as possible for further provisions like kids education, retirement etc. Also, She doesnt want to spend on me especilaly, never got any gift from her. We are not having good physical relation. Many times i have discussed with her and went through doctor for consultantion and medication. But, she doesnt want to take medicines.I feel very bad and my life is similar as earlier. Many times feels like she doesnt love me. My life become mechanic and no joy init. I am just living for my Kids betterment.
Ans: Dear Anonymous,
Well no two people in a marriage are the same, are they?
You just have different ideals stemming from different value systems. this can be bridged by actually talking about it, so that either of you might not be on a extreme. If she likes to save, you can moderate her by actually setting a budget for spending on necessities and luxuries.
And she will in turn moderate you, if she finds you spending on things that are unnecessary.
It's about seeing things on the same page but with different glasses and acknowledging that you are both different.
As far as physical intimacy goes, I guess many couples face a slump after children occupying a huge part of their lives and with full-time jobs, it can make one tired more than excited. Set aside time to be alone with one another and practice the art of non-sexual intimacy like holding hands, cuddling, hugging...
Sometimes to jump out of the mechanical life, you need to do something different and exciting to get a different and exciting result. So do what you haven't done before! Get the drift here?

All the best!
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Anu

Anu Krishna  |823 Answers  |Ask -

Relationships Expert, Mind Coach - Answered on Feb 12, 2024

Asked by Anonymous - Oct 31, 2023Hindi
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Relationship
MINE WIFE,AGE 41 YEARS HAS EDUCATIONAL QUALIFICATION OF B.ED,M.A AND M.ED.WE ARE MARRIED FOR 16 YEARS AND HAVE ADOPTED A SON WHO IS NOW STUDYING IN 1ST CLASS.INSPITE OF QUALIFICATION OF MY WIFE,SHE FAILS TO TEACH OUR SON PROPERLY.WHAT SHE DO IS CRAMMING EVEN IN MATHS.I TRY TO CONVINCE MINE WIFE TO READ BOOKS,NEWSPAPER BUT EVERYTIME I PUTUP THESE TOPICSSHE GETS HORRIBLE TOWARDS ME LIKE SHOUTING.SOMETIMES SHE CRIES LONELY.I ADVICE HER THAT WHATEVER WE LEARN WILL BENIFIT OUR SON BUT SHE REALLY GET UPSET WITH ANY OF MY ADVICE.I REALLY DON'T KNOW HOW TO CONVINCE HER TO CHANGE HER NEGATIVE ATTITUDE.HER HEALTH IS ALSO NOT GOOD WHICH SHE REALISES BUT WHEN I TELL HER TO HAVE PROPER DIET AND EXERCISE,SHE GETS ANNOYED WITH ME AND SCREAM WITH ME.ON THE CONTRARY,WHEN SHE FACE OUTSIDE WORLD ,SHE GETS SCARY AND DON'T COME OUT OF HOUSE.WHOEVER SUGGEST HER SOMETHING SHE AVOIDS THAT PERSON.I REALLY DON'T KNOW HOW TO OVERCOME THIS ATTITUDE OF HER.
Ans: Dear Anonymous,
Children; whether biological or adopted require the attention of the entire family.
Individuals; whether qualified or not require not just to manage home but also follow their passion.

From what I can gather, your wife can (while your son is at school) can work part-time or from home. I am sure her qualifications can help her find the right thing for her. Yes, I do understand that when she does not care for her health, it can cause you great deal of worry; but try to convey the same thing as CARE rather than an INSTRUCTION. It might help you...If she has begun to avoid people who are trying to help her, then the problem is possibly deeper than what it might be. Do get a medical check up done to rule out any vitamin deficiencies first and then if this persists, I suggest speaking with a counselor who can address any unresolved challenges that she might be facing.

All the best!
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Sushil

Sushil Sukhwani  |322 Answers  |Ask -

Study Abroad Expert - Answered on Apr 26, 2024

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Career
Sir, my daughter is going to finish her BA with Psychology Honours from Indraprastha College for Women, Delhi University. She has received an offer to pursue her MSC in Organizational Psychology from University of Manchester, UK. We would like to know more about the future prospects of this course and the employability. Also, we would like to know how different it is from an MBA in Human Resources?
Ans: Hello Rohit,

To begin with, thank you for contacting us. I am glad to hear that your daughter is going to complete her Bachelor of Arts (BA) with Psychology Honours and has received an offer to pursue her Master of Science (MSc) in Organizational Psychology from the University of Manchester in the UK. To answer your question first, I would like to tell you that your daughter will be offered a solid basis in understanding human behavior in the workplace as well as real-world abilities in fields viz., talent management, employee evaluation, and organizational development through pursuing a Master of Science in Organizational Psychology from the University of Manchester. Students pursuing this degree are provided with the information and skills required to tackle different difficulties that organizations encounter, viz., leadership effectiveness, employee motivation, and team dynamics.

Concerning your query regarding the future prospects and employability, I would like to tell you that with businesses recognizing the significance of comprehending and maximizing their manpower, the demand for organizational psychology continues to rise. You would be glad to know that your daughter can choose from many different jobs including talent management, training and development, human resources, organizational consulting, and other positions with this degree. Remember that organizational pyschologists are respected for their ability to use psychological principles to enhance productivity in the workplace, employee satisfaction, and efficiency of the organization.

Next, coming to your query as to how this course is different from an MBA in Human Resources, I would like to let you know that an MSc in Organizational Psychology in comparison to an MBA in Human Resources generally places a greater emphasis on the psychological facets of the behavior and growth of organizations. Although topics associated with managing people within organizations is also covered in an MBA in Human Resources, it frequently adopts a more comprehensive corporate viewpoint encompassing fields viz., strategy, marketing, and finance.

I would like to tell you that your daughter's interests and professional objectives play a key role in deciding between an MSc in Organizational Psychology and an MBA in Human Resources. An MSc in Organizational Psychology would be a better choice if your daughter is interested in studying human behavior in the workplace and wishes to gain expertise in fields viz., leadership development, employee well-being, and organizational culture. On the contrary, if your daughter wants to acquire a deeper understanding of business management with a concentration on Human Resources (HR), and aspires to work in more general management positions within organizations, then an MBA in Human Resources may be an appropriate choice.

Remember that both paths can result in lucrative employment prospects. When making an informed choice, I would suggest that your daughter carefully takes into account her strengths, personal interests, and future professional objectives. Moreover, in order to acquire valuable information pertaining to the prospects following the completion of either degree, I would recommend that your daughter conducts a comprehensive study on particular labor markets as well as gets in touch with experts of both the domains.

For more information, you can visit our website.
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Sushil

Sushil Sukhwani  |322 Answers  |Ask -

Study Abroad Expert - Answered on Apr 26, 2024

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Career
Dear Sushil, My daughter is 23 years old , finished her MBA from KIMS and got a job in Kirloskar Pune as a HR BP ( Management Trainee)in Jan 2024. Her results were good throughout. Topped 12 from Aditya, BSc Botany from Lady Brabourne kolkata ( 1st class first). Sir, we can't manage funds for going to abroad. Kindly guide us about her next step so that her career escalates. Sanchita
Ans: Hello Sanchita. Thank you for connecting with us. Congratulations to your daughter on her academic achievements and securing a position as an HR business partner (management trainee) at Kirloskar Pune. It is evident that she has a strong academic background, leading to promising career prospects ahead. It is understandable that there are financial constraints at the moment. Furthermore, let me tell you that there are educational loans that would be available for your daughter’s education abroad. Given your daughter’s excellent academic background, she can be eligible for scholarships and financial aid, either fully or partially. This would help your daughter manage her finances well abroad.There are some universities that come with financial aid packages like grants, loans, and work opportunities. This is specially designed to cover tuition fees, living expenses, etc. In addition to this, there are work opportunities as well, which would also be a good option for your daughter. By carefully planning and prioritising expenses, financial challenges won’t be an issue.

All the best to your daughter in her future endeavours.

For any further queries, please get in touch with us. We have a team of expert counsellors who can guide you through any concerns or questions you may have.
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Ramalingam

Ramalingam Kalirajan  |884 Answers  |Ask -

Mutual Funds, Financial Planning Expert - Answered on Apr 26, 2024

Ramalingam

Ramalingam Kalirajan  |884 Answers  |Ask -

Mutual Funds, Financial Planning Expert - Answered on Apr 26, 2024

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Money
Sir my age is 25 and I am earning 29000 per month.i am in govt sector.i am investing 20000 per month in sip in the following funds Motilal Oswal midcap fund 3000 HDFC s&p sensex index fund 4000 Motilal Oswal Nasdaq ETF 3000 Axis small cap fund 2000 Nippon India small cap fund 2000 ICICI prudential nifty 50 ETF 2000 US S&P 500 SPDR ETF 4000 And lastly 1000 in bitcoin but that I don't count because it's very risky and I may lose my money in bitcoin so I consider 20000 as my sip amount instead of 21000....sir kindly check my sip distribution if needed any changes..I will stay invested in market for 20 years and I want my wealth to grow so that I can retire at 45.. kindly provide me your valuable suggestions
Ans: Your commitment to investing at such a young age is commendable and lays a strong foundation for your future financial security. Let's review your SIP distribution to ensure it aligns with your goal of retiring at 45 and maximizing wealth growth over 20 years.

Your current SIP allocation demonstrates a diversified approach, spanning various sectors and geographies. However, given your long investment horizon and goal of wealth accumulation, it's essential to consider a few aspects:

Risk Tolerance: While your portfolio includes both domestic and international equity exposure, it's important to assess your risk tolerance. Small-cap and mid-cap funds tend to be more volatile but offer higher growth potential over the long term. Ensure you're comfortable with the level of risk associated with these investments.
Asset Allocation: Evaluate your asset allocation to ensure it reflects your risk appetite and investment goals. Consider allocating a portion of your portfolio to more stable assets like large-cap funds or debt instruments to balance risk and potential returns.
Review Periodically: As your financial circumstances and market conditions evolve, periodically review your SIP distribution to ensure it remains aligned with your goals. Rebalancing your portfolio may be necessary to maintain diversification and optimize returns.
Emergency Fund: Building an emergency fund equivalent to 3-6 months' worth of expenses is crucial to mitigate financial risks and ensure stability during unforeseen circumstances.
Regarding your Bitcoin investment, it's advisable to exercise caution due to its speculative nature and lack of proven track record. Cryptocurrencies are inherently risky and have not stood the test of time like traditional investment options. Consider focusing on more established and less volatile investment avenues for long-term wealth accumulation.
As a Certified Financial Planner, I advise you to consult with a financial advisor who can provide personalized guidance tailored to your specific financial situation and goals. Together, we can refine your investment strategy to optimize growth and set you on the path to achieving your retirement objectives.
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Ramalingam

Ramalingam Kalirajan  |884 Answers  |Ask -

Mutual Funds, Financial Planning Expert - Answered on Apr 26, 2024

Asked by Anonymous - Apr 26, 2024Hindi
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Money
I am 53 years old. I have fd of 20 lakh, pf of 15 lakhs, ppf of 15 lakhs, stock of 55 lakh, mf of 50 lakh. I invest in 5 lakh yearly in a ulip scheme, 3 lakh yearly in lic pension fund and do sip of 35000 across different mf. Am i retirement ready? I am a single person. I have no dependents. After retirement i will need sbout 80000 pm and will need 7 lakh per year for travelling.please advise
Ans: Given your diversified investment portfolio and diligent savings habits, you're certainly on the right track towards a comfortable retirement. However, let's delve deeper into your financial landscape to assess your readiness.

Your FDs, PF, PPF, stocks, and mutual funds collectively form a robust foundation for retirement. Your annual contributions to ULIP and LIC pension fund further bolster your retirement corpus. However, to ensure your desired lifestyle post-retirement, it's crucial to evaluate if your current investments align with your retirement income needs.

Considering your annual expenses post-retirement, including living expenses and travel aspirations, it's prudent to analyze if your existing investments can generate sufficient income. Additionally, factoring in inflation and potential healthcare expenses is paramount.

As a single individual with no dependents, your retirement planning focuses solely on your own needs and aspirations. While your investment portfolio appears substantial, a detailed retirement income projection would provide clarity on whether it adequately meets your desired lifestyle post-retirement.

As a Certified Financial Planner, I recommend conducting a comprehensive retirement planning analysis to ensure your financial goals are met with confidence and peace of mind. Together, let's fine-tune your retirement strategy to ensure a fulfilling and financially secure future.
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Ramalingam

Ramalingam Kalirajan  |884 Answers  |Ask -

Mutual Funds, Financial Planning Expert - Answered on Apr 26, 2024

Asked by Anonymous - Apr 26, 2024Hindi
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Money
Hi i am 40 years old and working in private sector. Current investments in SIP's are UTI index and I Pru next 50 @ 1000/weekly, Nippon Small Cap @ 1500/Weekly also HDFC Mid cap opportunites @ 1000/weekly. I also have monthly SIP's in Canara Robeco Emerging Equities @ 2000,Invesco Multicap @ 2500, Mirae Emerging Bluechip @ 2500, Mirae NYSE Fang ETF FOF @ 5000, Quant Small cap @ 2000, PPFAS flexicap @ 2500, UT Flexi @ 2500. Most of the SIP's have been started in last 2-3 yeasr.
Ans: It's commendable that you've taken proactive steps towards securing your financial future, especially with such a diverse portfolio of SIPs. At 40, you're in a crucial phase of life where every investment decision counts. Your commitment to regular investing reflects a thoughtful approach to wealth accumulation.

With SIPs spread across various sectors, you've embraced the beauty of diversification. But have you ever pondered over whether your current investments truly align with your long-term goals and risk appetite? It's crucial to periodically reassess your portfolio's composition to ensure it remains in sync with your evolving financial aspirations.

Remember, the journey to financial independence is akin to a marathon, not a sprint. Each SIP contribution represents a step forward on this journey, building wealth brick by brick. As a Certified Financial Planner, I appreciate your dedication to securing your financial future and encourage you to continue this journey with wisdom and foresight.

In the vast landscape of investment opportunities, your portfolio reflects a tapestry of choices tailored to your vision. But as with any masterpiece, periodic reflection and adjustment are essential to ensure its continued brilliance. Let's navigate this journey together, crafting a future that's both prosperous and fulfilling, one SIP at a time.
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