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Love Guru

Love Guru   |187 Answers  |Ask -

Relationships Expert - Answered on Feb 13, 2023

Love Guru has been answering relationship and romance related questions on Rediff.com for over 13 years. She won't mince words when telling you what the problem is and what you can do about it. If you want a fresh perspective from an unbiased, objective-thinking individual about your relationship woes, Love Guru could just be the person you need to need to hear from.... more
Shreyans Question by Shreyans on Feb 11, 2023Hindi
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Relationship

Hi i am 37 years old and this is my second marriage my wife is not very serious with this relationship? She is more interested to be with her office people and social people at large. While i have encountered her many yimes about this, she only says it is not like what you are thinking. Off late she was caught red handed having a extra maritial affair with her office mate, while i had encountered her she said she will not do it again and block her socially and not talk to this person again, while she is still working in the same organisation i have my trust issues in place. What do i do how do i tackle this situation where i genuinely want her in my life while she is taking me and my family for granted? Please guide

Ans: She’s taking you for a ride for sure. She’s obviously not being truthful or faithful. Just because it’s your second marriage doesn’t mean you let yourself be taken advantage of in a bid to make things work. It looks like she’s in this relationship only for convenience. I would suggest a marital counsellor asap.

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Anu

Anu Krishna  |823 Answers  |Ask -

Relationships Expert, Mind Coach - Answered on Nov 12, 2020

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Relationship
Dear Anu Krishna, I'm a 39 year old man, married and having a daughter. It was an arranged marriage. We started off okay, with some good level of romance initially but plateaued later. First the emotional connect dipped, then her trust dipped and eventually physical intimacy dipped. After childbirth, our sex life hit a low and in past 5 years it has been almost a sexless marriage. I had not been a perfect partner but very much willing to fix my mistakes (I haven't cheated on her, ever). But my wife has been aloof with near zero communication. I never interfered in her independence of any form. I always trusted her but I never felt trusted/wanted/loved. She refuses to have meaningful deep conversations. We do have a lot of financial stress. We considered divorce about 5 years ago but didn't because of our daughter. Last year, I met a colleague and I connected emotionally well with her. I do consider her a good friend but my family (I stay with my parents) think I'm in an affair. This new friend also considers me her friend. Now my wife seems a little jealous of my friend, which is a good sign that there is still some hope to salvage this marriage. People have advised me both ways - to divorce and not to. I really want a happy life for myself and my daughter. I am confused - what should I do?
Ans: Dear JK, I can only imagine the stresses of the situation that you and your wife are in. But it takes two people to make a marriage.

And it would be worthwhile for both of you to understand that childbirth is a very transformative experience for entire family especially the new mother and the baby.

It is of utmost relevance here for them to have the support of the father and the family.

The emotional and physical needs of the man maybe ignored here but do know that your wife/ mother doesn’t do this as a well-thought idea but because her hormones dictate her mind and body.

But of course, if this has been something that has been going on for a while now even after a year of childbirth, it would be wise to have an open communication channel where the two of you understand each other’s needs and see how best as a couple you can fulfil them.

It is normal for a human to seek validation and attention from the external when his needs are not fulfilled at home. But the complications that can arise from that are something that you are well aware of.

You are an adult and you know what’s best for you and your family.

Having said this, if the choice is to make the marriage work, please don’t engage in finger pointing and instead think of ways to spice up your relationship.

Find someone to care for your child while you and your wife take a holiday.

If this also doesn’t work, I would suggest couples marital therapy where a professional may guide you to rebuilding your marriage.

Happy rebuilding and it’s worth working at it!

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Ravi

Ravi Mittal  |177 Answers  |Ask -

Dating, Relationships Expert - Answered on Feb 23, 2023

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My name is Rajesh, I am 50 year old 4years back I got to know that my wife is in relationship with someone and after inqiuring in detail I found that, that was her second relationship. Earlier relationship was broken 1 year before. and she told me all herself when I ask on condition that if she didnt tell me I may take dicision of breaking. so sho told me everything without hiding. she is telling me that she still loves me. Arter that she stoped all contacts but after a year she strated developing contacts with facebook messenger and developed one more relationship with one FB friend. again when I got to know she stoped contacting him. this time ther was no physical relationship, but she admitted that he once kissed her. the boy tried to contact her in all ways but she somehow stopped this matter. I love my wife very much. I forgive her every time. three year passed now all this year she was not going outside alone without me. but in these days I also insisted her to go out, and she started going to yoga class where she used to go early and she is very happy now days. I dont know whether I am doing correct or not, some time I still have dought in my mind whether she will start again doing affairs. I am some times afread, dont know what to do. whether I should still continue trusting and loving my wife or what. we have one son age 16 now. I am confuesd sometimes but till date happiness is maintained in the family. But I am feeling lonely somtimes. what to do?
Ans: Dear Rajesh,

I can understand it is an impossible situation for you but this too shall pass. First things first, are you happy in a relationship that involves cheating, not once, but twice and who's to say there won't be a third? Ask yourself that. If the answer is no, it is quite understandable, but if it's yes, then why? Why would anyone be happy with a partner who cheats over and over again? Why do you think you deserve such a life? Granted, relationships are not all rainbows and butterflies all the time, but they should not look this grim either. You alone have kept it going for this long, and maintained harmony by accepting your partner's infidelity time and again; ask yourself what would happen if you allowed yourself to stop. You can stop tolerating it, you know?

The question isn't how you should deal with your partner who is evidently a repeat cheater. The question is how you should deal with the situation and why are you reacting in a way that almost makes me think that you believe you deserve such a relationship. As for your kid, divorce or separation has much less effect on a child than a broken marriage with two unhappy parents.

If you still want to continue, that is also okay. To each their own, but don't forget to ask yourself what are you staying in this marriage for; your kid, societal pressure, or is it unconditional love for your wife, who, by the way, does not reciprocate the same for you.

Best Wishes!
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Kanchan

Kanchan Rai  |169 Answers  |Ask -

Relationships Expert, Mind Coach - Answered on Mar 03, 2023

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Relationship
Hi, I have been married since 2011 and have a son aged 9 yrs. My wife managed her professional career as well as home. I trusted her to the fullest and allowed her to go out of town alone for work purpose. However in 2017, my wife had an affair with her senior working in bank and it was physical relationship too. It lasted for almost 1.5 yr untill I caught her in August 2018. When confronted she did not had proper justification for doing such gross thing and tried too blame me. Since than she has no contact with that person and even she filed a complain in the office against that person for stalking. She is remorseful and shameful for her act, but i dont feel any attachment towards her. I am still continuing in marriage with mental trauma of affair. What should i do with marriage now?
Ans: Dear Saurav

Discovering that your wife has been unfaithful can be a traumatic experience, and it's understandable that you may be feeling hurt, angry, and betrayed. It's important to prioritize your own well-being and emotional health during this time.

Here are some steps that you can take to help you navigate this situation:

Seek support: Consider talking to a therapist, a trusted friend or family member, or a support group for individuals who have experienced infidelity. It's important to have someone to talk to who can provide a listening ear and a safe space for you to express your emotions.

Communicate: If you want to work on your relationship with your wife, it's important to communicate openly and honestly about your feelings. Let your wife know how her actions have affected you and what you need in order to move forward.

Set boundaries: It's important to set clear boundaries with your wife regarding what is and isn't acceptable behavior. If you choose to work on your relationship, make sure that your wife is willing to take responsibility for her actions and work towards rebuilding trust.

Consider counseling: If you and your wife want to work on your relationship, consider couples counseling. A trained therapist can help you and your wife communicate effectively and work through any underlying issues that may have contributed to the infidelity.

Take time to reflect: Consider what you want for your future and whether or not you are willing to work on your relationship. It's important to make a decision that feels right for you and your well-being.

Don't blame yourself: It's important to remember that your wife's infidelity is not your fault. While it's natural to feel responsible or to question what you could have done differently, ultimately the decision to cheat was your wife's alone.

It's important to acknowledge your own feelings and to take care of yourself during this time. With time and support, it's possible to heal and move forward from the trauma of infidelity. Ultimately, the decision about what to do with your marriage is up to you and your wife, and it's important to make a decision that feels right for both of you.
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Anu

Anu Krishna  |823 Answers  |Ask -

Relationships Expert, Mind Coach - Answered on Sep 05, 2023

Asked by Anonymous - Sep 03, 2023Hindi
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Relationship
Hi, I am married for 10yrs with 2 kids. Suddenly I discovered my wife is having a relation with another man. I was devastated but rather than revealing I am aware I rather recalled all the good moments we had. She decided to part ways with another man still I wanted to know what prompted her so went into an open discussion with my wife knowing she already parted ways. She was shocked to know that I am aware but then she revealed she was emotionally down for last 6months and I was occupied with work. As I am emotionally attached with my kids and wife I decided to carry on and rather our love went more intense since the incident. Every now and then I still doubt and fail to maintain the same level of trust which I should. Please guide how I can maintain more stronger trust.
Ans: Dear Anonymous,
Yes, incidents like these can make you lose trust especially now when you will start to doubt her every move, every action or inaction.
You seem to be a person who has chosen to see the goodness (that's amazing) in your relationship and wants to continue in the marriage. But for this to happen effectively, the trust has to be rebuilt all over again. As a couple, talk about this...share with your wife when you have bouts of doubts BUT don't ever get into the mode where she needs to explain or prove herself every single day.

If she has realized what has been missing in the marriage that made her step outside of it, then the two of you can spend time bringing life back into the marriage.
Ask her: How can I connect with you emotionally where you feel safe and secure?
Do a lot of activities together that will help the two of you reconnect!

Either you trust OR you don't...there's no in-between...so if you two have decided to give your relationship another chance, focus on how to rebuild the connection and how to care for one another even more than before!

All the best!
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Sushil

Sushil Sukhwani  |322 Answers  |Ask -

Study Abroad Expert - Answered on Apr 26, 2024

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Sir, my daughter is going to finish her BA with Psychology Honours from Indraprastha College for Women, Delhi University. She has received an offer to pursue her MSC in Organizational Psychology from University of Manchester, UK. We would like to know more about the future prospects of this course and the employability. Also, we would like to know how different it is from an MBA in Human Resources?
Ans: Hello Rohit,

To begin with, thank you for contacting us. I am glad to hear that your daughter is going to complete her Bachelor of Arts (BA) with Psychology Honours and has received an offer to pursue her Master of Science (MSc) in Organizational Psychology from the University of Manchester in the UK. To answer your question first, I would like to tell you that your daughter will be offered a solid basis in understanding human behavior in the workplace as well as real-world abilities in fields viz., talent management, employee evaluation, and organizational development through pursuing a Master of Science in Organizational Psychology from the University of Manchester. Students pursuing this degree are provided with the information and skills required to tackle different difficulties that organizations encounter, viz., leadership effectiveness, employee motivation, and team dynamics.

Concerning your query regarding the future prospects and employability, I would like to tell you that with businesses recognizing the significance of comprehending and maximizing their manpower, the demand for organizational psychology continues to rise. You would be glad to know that your daughter can choose from many different jobs including talent management, training and development, human resources, organizational consulting, and other positions with this degree. Remember that organizational pyschologists are respected for their ability to use psychological principles to enhance productivity in the workplace, employee satisfaction, and efficiency of the organization.

Next, coming to your query as to how this course is different from an MBA in Human Resources, I would like to let you know that an MSc in Organizational Psychology in comparison to an MBA in Human Resources generally places a greater emphasis on the psychological facets of the behavior and growth of organizations. Although topics associated with managing people within organizations is also covered in an MBA in Human Resources, it frequently adopts a more comprehensive corporate viewpoint encompassing fields viz., strategy, marketing, and finance.

I would like to tell you that your daughter's interests and professional objectives play a key role in deciding between an MSc in Organizational Psychology and an MBA in Human Resources. An MSc in Organizational Psychology would be a better choice if your daughter is interested in studying human behavior in the workplace and wishes to gain expertise in fields viz., leadership development, employee well-being, and organizational culture. On the contrary, if your daughter wants to acquire a deeper understanding of business management with a concentration on Human Resources (HR), and aspires to work in more general management positions within organizations, then an MBA in Human Resources may be an appropriate choice.

Remember that both paths can result in lucrative employment prospects. When making an informed choice, I would suggest that your daughter carefully takes into account her strengths, personal interests, and future professional objectives. Moreover, in order to acquire valuable information pertaining to the prospects following the completion of either degree, I would recommend that your daughter conducts a comprehensive study on particular labor markets as well as gets in touch with experts of both the domains.

For more information, you can visit our website.
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Sushil

Sushil Sukhwani  |322 Answers  |Ask -

Study Abroad Expert - Answered on Apr 26, 2024

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Career
Dear Sushil, My daughter is 23 years old , finished her MBA from KIMS and got a job in Kirloskar Pune as a HR BP ( Management Trainee)in Jan 2024. Her results were good throughout. Topped 12 from Aditya, BSc Botany from Lady Brabourne kolkata ( 1st class first). Sir, we can't manage funds for going to abroad. Kindly guide us about her next step so that her career escalates. Sanchita
Ans: Hello Sanchita. Thank you for connecting with us. Congratulations to your daughter on her academic achievements and securing a position as an HR business partner (management trainee) at Kirloskar Pune. It is evident that she has a strong academic background, leading to promising career prospects ahead. It is understandable that there are financial constraints at the moment. Furthermore, let me tell you that there are educational loans that would be available for your daughter’s education abroad. Given your daughter’s excellent academic background, she can be eligible for scholarships and financial aid, either fully or partially. This would help your daughter manage her finances well abroad.There are some universities that come with financial aid packages like grants, loans, and work opportunities. This is specially designed to cover tuition fees, living expenses, etc. In addition to this, there are work opportunities as well, which would also be a good option for your daughter. By carefully planning and prioritising expenses, financial challenges won’t be an issue.

All the best to your daughter in her future endeavours.

For any further queries, please get in touch with us. We have a team of expert counsellors who can guide you through any concerns or questions you may have.
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Ramalingam

Ramalingam Kalirajan  |884 Answers  |Ask -

Mutual Funds, Financial Planning Expert - Answered on Apr 26, 2024

Ramalingam

Ramalingam Kalirajan  |884 Answers  |Ask -

Mutual Funds, Financial Planning Expert - Answered on Apr 26, 2024

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Money
Sir my age is 25 and I am earning 29000 per month.i am in govt sector.i am investing 20000 per month in sip in the following funds Motilal Oswal midcap fund 3000 HDFC s&p sensex index fund 4000 Motilal Oswal Nasdaq ETF 3000 Axis small cap fund 2000 Nippon India small cap fund 2000 ICICI prudential nifty 50 ETF 2000 US S&P 500 SPDR ETF 4000 And lastly 1000 in bitcoin but that I don't count because it's very risky and I may lose my money in bitcoin so I consider 20000 as my sip amount instead of 21000....sir kindly check my sip distribution if needed any changes..I will stay invested in market for 20 years and I want my wealth to grow so that I can retire at 45.. kindly provide me your valuable suggestions
Ans: Your commitment to investing at such a young age is commendable and lays a strong foundation for your future financial security. Let's review your SIP distribution to ensure it aligns with your goal of retiring at 45 and maximizing wealth growth over 20 years.

Your current SIP allocation demonstrates a diversified approach, spanning various sectors and geographies. However, given your long investment horizon and goal of wealth accumulation, it's essential to consider a few aspects:

Risk Tolerance: While your portfolio includes both domestic and international equity exposure, it's important to assess your risk tolerance. Small-cap and mid-cap funds tend to be more volatile but offer higher growth potential over the long term. Ensure you're comfortable with the level of risk associated with these investments.
Asset Allocation: Evaluate your asset allocation to ensure it reflects your risk appetite and investment goals. Consider allocating a portion of your portfolio to more stable assets like large-cap funds or debt instruments to balance risk and potential returns.
Review Periodically: As your financial circumstances and market conditions evolve, periodically review your SIP distribution to ensure it remains aligned with your goals. Rebalancing your portfolio may be necessary to maintain diversification and optimize returns.
Emergency Fund: Building an emergency fund equivalent to 3-6 months' worth of expenses is crucial to mitigate financial risks and ensure stability during unforeseen circumstances.
Regarding your Bitcoin investment, it's advisable to exercise caution due to its speculative nature and lack of proven track record. Cryptocurrencies are inherently risky and have not stood the test of time like traditional investment options. Consider focusing on more established and less volatile investment avenues for long-term wealth accumulation.
As a Certified Financial Planner, I advise you to consult with a financial advisor who can provide personalized guidance tailored to your specific financial situation and goals. Together, we can refine your investment strategy to optimize growth and set you on the path to achieving your retirement objectives.
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Ramalingam

Ramalingam Kalirajan  |884 Answers  |Ask -

Mutual Funds, Financial Planning Expert - Answered on Apr 26, 2024

Asked by Anonymous - Apr 26, 2024Hindi
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Money
I am 53 years old. I have fd of 20 lakh, pf of 15 lakhs, ppf of 15 lakhs, stock of 55 lakh, mf of 50 lakh. I invest in 5 lakh yearly in a ulip scheme, 3 lakh yearly in lic pension fund and do sip of 35000 across different mf. Am i retirement ready? I am a single person. I have no dependents. After retirement i will need sbout 80000 pm and will need 7 lakh per year for travelling.please advise
Ans: Given your diversified investment portfolio and diligent savings habits, you're certainly on the right track towards a comfortable retirement. However, let's delve deeper into your financial landscape to assess your readiness.

Your FDs, PF, PPF, stocks, and mutual funds collectively form a robust foundation for retirement. Your annual contributions to ULIP and LIC pension fund further bolster your retirement corpus. However, to ensure your desired lifestyle post-retirement, it's crucial to evaluate if your current investments align with your retirement income needs.

Considering your annual expenses post-retirement, including living expenses and travel aspirations, it's prudent to analyze if your existing investments can generate sufficient income. Additionally, factoring in inflation and potential healthcare expenses is paramount.

As a single individual with no dependents, your retirement planning focuses solely on your own needs and aspirations. While your investment portfolio appears substantial, a detailed retirement income projection would provide clarity on whether it adequately meets your desired lifestyle post-retirement.

As a Certified Financial Planner, I recommend conducting a comprehensive retirement planning analysis to ensure your financial goals are met with confidence and peace of mind. Together, let's fine-tune your retirement strategy to ensure a fulfilling and financially secure future.
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Ramalingam

Ramalingam Kalirajan  |884 Answers  |Ask -

Mutual Funds, Financial Planning Expert - Answered on Apr 26, 2024

Asked by Anonymous - Apr 26, 2024Hindi
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Money
Hi i am 40 years old and working in private sector. Current investments in SIP's are UTI index and I Pru next 50 @ 1000/weekly, Nippon Small Cap @ 1500/Weekly also HDFC Mid cap opportunites @ 1000/weekly. I also have monthly SIP's in Canara Robeco Emerging Equities @ 2000,Invesco Multicap @ 2500, Mirae Emerging Bluechip @ 2500, Mirae NYSE Fang ETF FOF @ 5000, Quant Small cap @ 2000, PPFAS flexicap @ 2500, UT Flexi @ 2500. Most of the SIP's have been started in last 2-3 yeasr.
Ans: It's commendable that you've taken proactive steps towards securing your financial future, especially with such a diverse portfolio of SIPs. At 40, you're in a crucial phase of life where every investment decision counts. Your commitment to regular investing reflects a thoughtful approach to wealth accumulation.

With SIPs spread across various sectors, you've embraced the beauty of diversification. But have you ever pondered over whether your current investments truly align with your long-term goals and risk appetite? It's crucial to periodically reassess your portfolio's composition to ensure it remains in sync with your evolving financial aspirations.

Remember, the journey to financial independence is akin to a marathon, not a sprint. Each SIP contribution represents a step forward on this journey, building wealth brick by brick. As a Certified Financial Planner, I appreciate your dedication to securing your financial future and encourage you to continue this journey with wisdom and foresight.

In the vast landscape of investment opportunities, your portfolio reflects a tapestry of choices tailored to your vision. But as with any masterpiece, periodic reflection and adjustment are essential to ensure its continued brilliance. Let's navigate this journey together, crafting a future that's both prosperous and fulfilling, one SIP at a time.
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